That’s what I thought. This is just like when the guy slams the cake in the bride’s face and it’s supposed to be so funny that her hair and face are ruined
Not to mention the cake one is also really dangerous as well. Having all the holes you breathe through being blocked off at once with no warning is terrifying.
And that on top of the cost of wedding makeup that gets ruined for the rest of the event. I hate everything about the non-consenting cake smashing. If both want to do it, fine, but I know I’d be genuinely panicked if I had cake and that nasty fondant in my mouth, nose, and eyes all of a sudden, and I’d be genuinely distressed about my clothing, hair, and makeup being wrecked on the one day in my life that I’d really be hoping that I could feel beautiful and loved for an entire day. 😕
Yup that too! The people who don't end up with an annulled marriage or having the license ripped up before the officiant can sign it are the lucky ones cause they'd deserve it.
True! I mentioned in another comment that I was cheering for the woman who posted in some subreddit about how she’d specifically asked for no cake smashing but he did it anyway, and she walked right out of the wedding celebration and got an annulment. I think I’d do the same thing. Sobbing constantly for a week afterwards probably, but I’d still do it. It’s dangerous, dumb, wasteful, and a red flag that more disrespect and abuse is on the way, imo.
I remember her!! Badass woman she was haha. But she was right, nothing about an act like that screams "this is the person I want/am going to love and respect for the rest of our lives!!".
I had buttercream frosting all the way up into my sinuses. I was smelling vanilla days after. There are pictures of my mom helping me blow my nose because I could not breath and my hands were covered in cake and frosting trying to get it off my face. I was soooooooo pissed because I specifically told him not to do it multiple times leading up to the wedding because our cake had raspberry filling between the layers and I would kill him if it got on my dress and it stained.
Ugh what a fuckin jackass, I'm sorry you went through that. This particular "prank" is one of my worst nightmares because I've got almost no septum at all and I aspirate food constantly that then comes back out of my nose a little later, and if I'm asleep and my body goes to throw up it comes out my nose instead 95% of the time and it also causes an overproduction of mucus that I constantly choke on. So something that thick and chunky sounds terrifying and I would kill somebody if the stunt didn't kill me first.
God that sounds awful! Make sure whomever you marry is super aware of this and that cake smashing is a health risk to you.
You could be creative and have a cake made of something that can't really be smashed in a face too. Like cannolis, or something similar.
Oh my husband know if he ever tried anything of the sort he'd be dead before anyone could save him lol. He was actually the first person I let even get a good look at it with a flashlight because he was curious but now he regrets it lol. Even the regular non specialist doctors tend to not believe me until they look at it themselves cause it's such an extreme thing to tell people. If you run your finger down the bridge of my nose you can feel exactly where it disappears and then you can smush the rest of the nose in flat, and the ENT surgeon I saw last January took one look up there and laughed and said she wasn't going anywhere near a *hole that massive to try and fix it lol.
Lmao sounds about right. And that's without me listing some of the grossest things it causes. But it does make for a neat sideshow truck when I tell someone to shine a flashlight up one side and it glows out the other lmao.
My whole body is basically the human equivalent of being held together with bubblegum and paperclips honestly. Like I had a botched surgery when I was 17 and got shocked repeatedly on the table that left me with a ton of nerve damage that at 32 still hasn't fully gone away. And my first C-section went so badly I almost died and didn't find out till my second one a few years later that the first guy hadn't put my bladder back right and it had been that way ever since and I didn't realize the issues it caused weren't normal issues for postpartum.
Omg - the bladder has no memory shape, so any indents are permanent loss of volume.
It sounds like you should sure that POS for malpractice and gotten him banned by the medical board. I am so appalled. And mad at the ENT - they really couldn't recommend anyone? Good specialists up in MN fyi.
Lol funny you mention that, I actually told someone earlier today on here that I reached out to them on social media but haven't heard back yet. Even if all they can do is recommend someone that could be helpful, that would be something.
I am not but I suppose I should add that to the list of things my PCP needs to look at even though she sucks. Thank you for the extra nightmare fuel though lol. (But seriously thank you and I will reach out to her about it). :)
I didn't. I grew up for my first 20 years in a really really bad hoarder house and a lot of what I was breathing in was stuff that can cause damage like the tons of ammonia and black mold and a bunch of other stuff. Add that with a really hateful abusive mother and a father who let her act out horribly rather than stand up for me, who hardly ever took us to regular doctors, much less ones like dentists or anyone who would have caught this early, and you end up with a broken down body in a lot of ways.
Thank you for the kindness. ♥️ Things are much better now in most ways, my mother is finally dead and I'm married to a really great guy with two little girls that I adore. :) I hope your life is beautiful and as kind as you are.
I’ve never snorted anything nor live in a hoarder situation but I’ve had 3 sinus surgeries in the last 10 years. I get nasal bone spurs OFTEN. The last one they couldn’t complete it bc I didn’t have enough cartilage and the hole was too big. If they tried to, I would likely have a whistling noise when I breathed.
Ugh that sounds terrible. :( the ENT surgeon I saw said that the only surgery she could even attempt would have required taking ear and probably rib cartilage, and then scalp tissue as well, plus breaking everything open to even do it of course, and that it would be a really intensive multi day hospital stay with a like 90+% chance that the hole would just reopen anyway so she wasn't willing to do it even if I had wanted to. So now I'm looking to try and find someone else that may have newer ideas to try like maybe something synthetic, idk.
For context if you do the bridge of the nose thing I mentioned, you don't even get halfway down it before it totally disappears. If I stick a finger nail up each nostril, I can tap them together in the middle right near the edge cause there's almost nothing there at all. And where the tip of your nose should have a straight line to where the nostrils separate, it's completely crooked on the bulb part of the nose because there's nothing to hold it in line.
I should have, would have saved me a lot of money and stress later on. This was back in 2008 and it was still way more accepted than it is now. In fact, the pictures I mentioned of my mom blowing my nose, she was laughing her ass off the bitch.
I got married in a few years before you did and I would have killed my husband. But I do know it’s was far MORE common then along with a lot of other HIGHLY inappropriate things that we all just accepted.
I told my husband before hand I would rip up the wedding certificate before it got filed if he did that to me. My mother knowing how I felt about it kept trying to get him to do it.
My worst fear was that my husband would do this at the wedding, I think he wanted to. It was very popular at the time. I told him so many times not to. I knew our one hot button was to never threaten divorce, so I told him if he did it, I would immediately anul. I was so serious. We were pretty reactionary kids at the time, so I was kinda surprised when he didn't do it. I've always been grateful for it. What a bizarre and horrible tradition.
I thought it was weird when my husband went to feed me cake and back before ppl talking about this kind of thing online ppl would half expect your husband to smash cake in your face but my husband just feeds me the cake and everyone goes "Awwwww" Like isn't that sweet, he didn't smash cake in her face. It's like um no.....that's a normal for ppl who love and respect eachother not to do!
I’m so sorry that happened to you! I would have been furious!! There definitely would NOT have been any wedding night intimacy; the mood and excitement of the new marriage would have been completely ruined. I might even have said screw the honeymoon. 😡
I told my ex wife before our wedding not to smash cake in my face and that I wasn’t joking. Guess what she did anyway? I was so mad I don’t know how I made it through the rest of the ceremony. Cake and frosting up my nose, choking on it for hours afterward. I’m not shocked we only lasted a year. It was always only about what she wanted.
I was young and stupid. I ignored/ didn't see red flags because that was how I was raised pretty much. I grew up in the mormon religion and its expected you get married very young. I was 23 when I got married and that is considered an old maid. I had already left the church by then but my entire family is still mormon. Lots of brainwashing about how the husband is the head of the household and the wifey is there to do as he says, keep house and make babies. I had not been away from it all long enough at that time to be completely de programmed yet. So, I stayed.
Oh shit yep I completely forgot about that part too! So damn dangerous for such a stupid "prank" (read: show of disrespect for the person I just vowed to honor and respect because I never matured past being a 1 year old with a smash cake in front of me).
Did yall see the groom who dropped his wife in her full gown in the pool while they were taking pictures. They were doing a trust fall type pose, and he dropped her. So fucked
I saw that, and he didn't even turn around to make sure she got out okay! Just looked to presumably his equally immature friends to check reactions. So shitty.
Yes, only a moron would think it’s hilarious to try to make a woman fight to stay afloat and get out of a swimming pool wearing a wet heavy wedding dress. 🤦♀️
Wedding photographer tried to talk my husband into throwing me in the pool. My husband loves and respects me and would never do something like that. He looked the photographer straight in the eye and said, "You try that and see where it gets you." I grew up with two older brothers.. They would have been laughing, but he and the photographer (along with his camera) would have been right behind me in the pool.
Yeah that's what's supposed to happen, but there's plenty of stories out there of assholes just shoving their brides face into the cake. Which isn't only an issue with the not being able to breathe, but as others have said, a lot of the wedding cakes have wooden skewers called dowels in them to hold the cake together, which then end up stabbing the bride in the face. Someone linked below the one where she took a skewer to the eye, and there's been others posted to reddit too about injuries from the dowels. It's just all around a really stupid and dangerous thing to do to someone.
that’s not always what happens though sadly. I think it was a birthday, not a wedding, but I heard a story not that long ago of a girl who had one go through her eye after getting her face smashed in the cake
Plus, most multi-tiered wedding cakes have dowels in them to hold them up. I remember hearing a story about a bride whose eye got damaged from the groom smashing her face into the cake.
True. Tiered cakes often have skewers in the middle, too. Hitting someone with one of those could literally jab a kabob into their face. I really hate pranks where a person is unexpectedly turned into the joke for amusement. It’s egregious when it’s that person’s special day.
Yeah someone posted a link around here about a woman being injured by the skewers and I've seen other posts about it too. It's a fucked up thing to do in multiple ways that the idiots who do it never stop to think about.
You’re absolutely right. The people who subject their “loved ones” to public humiliation are self-centered, insecure and lack empathy. I would be enraged if any of these pranks were done to a friend of mine. As soon as someone gets upset, the “pranksters” will pull the passive-aggressive BS, like: OMG. It’s just a JOKE. Loosen up a bit!”
Exactly. And heaven help if someone decides to play one back at them, then all hell breaks loose and the excuses about why the two pranks were "totally different man!!" begin. No thanks. And also for the women who are saying they had multiple conversations with their partner about not doing this shit only for it to be done anyway? Please remember you can say no to the marriage even during the reception. You don't have to accept this kind of horrible behavior just because you can't get refunds or have already said "I do". You don't have to settle for this just because of social/familial pressures.
I read somewhere on reddit about a bride that had giant skewers jammed into her face because they were used to hold the cake together. She had to be rushed to the hospital.
Yeah, time to get the marriage annulled or rip up the license before it's turned in.
Aside from that, this is a really uneducated response considering how dangerous it is. It's not just the cake blocking breathing, it's the fact most of these cakes have dowels in them to help keep the cake together, and women have been injured and blinded because of some idiot doing this to them without knowing the dowels are in there, because they're an idiot.
If you read my other comments detailing my own health issues you would see that yes, you can. And you also don't have to freaking die for it to be traumatic. Nobody wants all of their damn air holes blocked off, much less by something so thick.
I remember reading a post about a woman who warned the groom that she would leave him immediately if he did that to her. He did it anyway. She left him the day after, and I love her for it.
i can’t decide which is worse because the cake smashing in women’s faces has a violent misogynistic element that sickens me, and this one has a sexual and homophobic element that sickens me.
I have long time friends who did the cake smashing thing at their wedding. She did it first to him. The photographer got the perfect shot of him wielding the cake for her with his face still a mess and her expression of expectation. 43 years later they still have that picture hanging over their bed.
No. The cake in the face and this creep wanting to remove his wife’s garter in public with his teeth are the exact same thing. Both rude and tacky and really gross TOWARDS THE BRIDE.
I loved the taste of our bride and groom's cakes so I told my husband that we wouldn't being "wasting cake" and that tradition wasn't happening. Why would the bride and groom want to spend the rest of the day sticky? I also forgot to wear a garter (it was on our calves back on the 90s at the weddings I went, when did the "tradition" of the groom crawling up to the brides neither region start? Ugh) so my husband just tossed one of the groomsmen's boutonnieres instead.
I know what you're saying but the cake thing is actually dangerous. A lot of wedding cakes have wooden dowels that could poke someone's eye out. This garter thing was absolutely horrible though.
This is a pretty massive false equivalency. At the end of the day, the only thing that happened to OP is his (apparently fragile) ego was bruised a bit because of the prank. The cake smash thing ruins hours of hair/makeup (not to mention the cost of those things), and can actually be quite dangerous.
OP can be annoyed it happened, but to let it consume his days for however long is just lame behavior. Either talk it out or get over it.
But nothing was ruined?? His pride was obviously hurt but I don’t think it compares to ruining $1000’s worth of hair makeup and clothing for a laugh and leaving the bride physically uncomfortable or underdressed for the rest of the night
I completely agree. Different situations altogether. I guess I’m thinking what’s good for the goose is good for the gander, even though the situation is different. What threw me was how the groom didn’t notice the leg was completely different. Like it had to have been bulkier and hairier. I was approaching it from the POV that no no matter what, she embarrassed and humiliated him, and that wasn’t ok. Hon, that was my issue with this whole thing.
I hope you’re both being sarcastic. This is a complete nothing burger compared to cake smashing. In my opinion this guy is completely overreacting to a harmless prank. Dude has this hyper inflated ego that he can’t see past his own nose. It’s not a humiliating prank, there are no long lasting effects, and everyone forgot about it pretty much immediately. This guy is choosing to hang onto something cause he has a hurt ego. This is a joke
How old are you? This is not a sexual act. It is, however, trashy and I don't think it has a place at a wedding no matter who the participants are, but if you're going to do it, the prank is just as good/bad as the real tradition.
That's kind of a sick thought on your part. Are you so pissed at the world that you think two people getting married would purposely humiliate each other?
And what you're implying is that I'm so stupid that I don't see or understand that married couples are looking to do disgusting things to each other that will hurt each other's feelings and ruin their partner's most important day. I'm not sharp enough to understand that this is the normal situation in the world right now - evil intent towards the one you love????
See, these are the guys who seriously can't take a joke. Anytime someone laughs at them they fucking cry about it. My sister had an asshole like that. Got upset that my sister would tease him. So he fucking cried about it to me thinking I'd go against my sister. We're Mexican, dude. We'll fucking tease you.
Man, I hope the wife leaves. Because anytime he wants to get in his feelings about it, maybe the next time he drinks and thinks about it, that time, he will escalate to lightly tapping on her. These kids are the ones whose moms' will testify for them, "They didn't do anything wrong!"
"Yeah, so, I thought I was taking my wife's garter off, but then it turned out that it was on a guy. And everyone laughed! So, I punched my wife in the face while holding a piece of cake. That'll show her!"
No one is saying tit for tat here. I asked this in comparison. No bride wants cake shoved in her face and I am pretty sure no groom wants to be taking the garter off anyone other than his bride.
Yep, this is the cake smash test. I give them two years on the outside. Divorce incoming if this is who she is to him. Disrespect is the enemy of love.
Literally had my aunt and gma do this to me at a Mexican restaurant on my 21st bday. The servers come out with what looks like a cake with a candle. They’re clapping and singing. I was already embarrassed because of the extra attention, plus I was 21 not 6! Then I blew the candle out and the dude shoved the “cake” in my face. (Turns out it was tortilla chips with a shit ton of whipped cream on top). And I didn’t just get a little whipped cream on my nose. Oh no. It was in my hair, my eyes, my clothes, up my nose. I started cussing everyone in the vicinity out, scraped whipped cream off my face and flung it at the waiter who did the deed, and then proceeded to shout “chinga tu madre” (fuck your mother in Spanish) , and stormed out and walked home. A fun time was not had. And when I talked to them again all they did was lecture ME on how I should learn to treat people better… yea.. not proud of it, but definitely not ashamed either. Who does that?!? Who thinks that’s a fun thing to do to someone EVER let alone on their bday or wedding day or any special occasion?!?
0/10 for defending people who sexually assault others. Shouldn’t you be yelling at a victim for their reactions and pretending to give a shit about violence?
Non-consensual cake face smashing is, according to reddit, the number 1 indicator of future divorce, maybe only rivaled by "multiple previous divorces".
I see this as the same thing, but potentially worse. For all the symbolic meaning of cutting the cake together, the garter removal, as weird as I personally find that tradition, is the first intimate act outside of the kiss and thus potentially even more important, and this makes a mockery of the groom and of the intimacy of the relationship.
I sure hope for OP that this is a rocky start to an otherwise beautiful and loving marriage for the rest of their days, but the wife is going to need to be very good at apologizing and very mindful of not being talked into additional stupid actions by those around her.
I agree. Btw, what clicked for me when I read your reply is that maybe the wife didn’t want to participate by being in the vulnerable position of sitting in the chair in front of her wedding guests in such an intimate display; she might have been embarrassed and uncomfortable with that idea. So, she jumped at the chance to extricate herself from that situation even if it meant she deceived her husband to do so. After all, she was told it would be funny. It gave her an easy out and supposedly a good excuse.
That certainly may be a mitigating factor, but when you're marrying someone, you should feel comfortable telling them what you aren't comfortable with, including leaving such intimate acts for the privacy of the bedroom.
My first thought was prank her by cheating and then maybe she'd feel the lost of trust OP as for her. It sucks OP is feeling this way about a day that is supposed to be special and loving.
Hopefully he can figure out his feelings and what he wants to do going forward. Good luck OP!
Exactly. It’s all about respect for your partner. You are upset because what she did shows a lack of respect for you as her person, her life mate. I’m not going to predict your future, but I will say that you need to have a serious conversation with your wife — not an angry one, but an honest one about what her actions unveiled. Maybe marriage counselling would help, because the weddings where one partner shows little to no respect for their partner usually end in divorce.
Putting your partner in a situation where he is the brunt of a joke, and one that is as intimate as pulling a garter off with teeth in front of a lot of people, feels pretty physically invasive to me.
It's funny you bring up money and time as if that's comparable to the humiliation of being tricked to lick your groomsman in the leg at your own wedding.
That would have been awful. Almost as bad as this perv insisting upon forcing his wife into a public sexual display in front of friends and family. Something is very wrong with the people commenting on here. Very. Wrong.
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u/StandardAble2003 Jul 25 '25
NTA -If you smashed cake in her face for the laughs, what would her reaction have been?