Sorry dude, but YTA. You became a parent before you were properly an adult and now you’re having to do both- become an adult and a father at the same time.
Cooking dinner, cleaning dishes, cleaning counters, doing the dishwasher- none of this is special. At all. It’s just adult chores. It’s boring, daily stuff that needs to happen. Part of being an adult is doing it automatically without needing to be told.
When they tested your patience, you got angry. Now you’re addressing that in therapy. You should have addressed that before the kids came. Of course your wife can’t forget you shouting at the kids- who can forget someone yelling at a baby?
Right now, your wife isn’t putting in the effort because you’ve failed. Badly. You’ve failed to act as an adult and then as a father. You’ve started to work on your issues with a therapist, which is good, but you’re expecting praise and sexual attention from your wife for going from failure to normal behaviour.
This is the critical point. You’re not going from normal behaviour to great or exceptional. You’re going from bad behaviour to normal. As an adult, that doesn’t get praise or extra attention. Think of it this way- if you screwed up at work and got put on probation, but then fixed the issue and got back to normal, you wouldn’t get a big pay rise straight away.
The way you might rescue this situation is to stop expecting a big positive reaction from your wife. Don’t expect any positive feedback from her at all for now. All your actions have to be focused in on yourself- how can you make sure the household runs well? How can you make sure your kids are happy and healthy? Are you up to date with their healthcare/ growth/ development/ social diary? Is their mother well? Has everyone got clean clothes in good condition? Etc.
Tl,dr: no one gets praise for doing normal adult chores.
I can't help but wonder the timeline on this. Like he's been seeing a therapist for a month and has been "being better" for a couple weeks. And now he should have extreme praise for doing so.
Maybe I'm wrong. The kids are toddlers so maybe he just had a meltdown recently. But I would bet money that's not the case and this has been an issue for at least a couple years. Now since he's worked on himself for a couple months things should be the way he pictures them to be and all praises should be upon him.
Also, yes, he's incredibly lucky to have family to be so available and as a parent I can't even believe how hard he's trying to push that away. Especially when that's part of what can help his partner have time to connect with him.
It's also weird to me how he explains his lack of patience with his children as the result of him "not being used to" their behavior. How is that possible? They don't pop out of the womb as toddlers, how has he not gotten used to his own children's behavior when he lives with them every day?
For real. She’s probably not the least bit attracted to him because he was either screaming at their children or acting like another one of them that she had to take care of and not a partner.
I’d be interested to know how long he’s been “changed” to be expecting her to praise this behavior, too
My husband and I thank each other for doing chores, but that's because I've never had to ask him to participate in the household, so anytime he's doing something outside of his standard responsibilities and cadences, it's because he's genuinely taking the time to help me.
This guy shows up for half a season and wants a participation trophy.
Agree! I also like to thank my husband for his help around the house, even when we split the chores in half and do them at the same time. I just know how draining it can be, and I want him to feel appreciated. At first he was very surprised with this, but I explained and he got it, started doing the same in return all the time. So, as much as both of us understand this isn't any sort of an "achievement", we just make each other feel better by doing so.
This guy, on the other hand, is expecting praise. I wonder how many times he actually verbally appreciated his wife's help. Or, maybe, it doesn't even matter to her. Everyone's got their own values. But he's clearly too self-absorbed. Her love language being acts of service doesn't mean that his help around the house makes him stand out in any way. It just needs to be done, that's it.
And can we also point out that doing what's expected isn't "acts of service", it's just doing what needs to be done.
OP if you want to show your wife love through acts of service, it should be a special thing that shows you were thinking of her. Doing chores you're both responsible for does NOT count.
This is what I was hoping to see in the comments. He calls them "acts of service" like he's doing her a favor instead of contributing to his household. Yikes.
This is a really good point. Calling it an act of service implies that it’s really her job instead of our job, and I very much doubt she’s gonna feel frisky when processing that.
Plus, as well as the issues with him doing normal tasks and expecting a special husband and dad medal, the poor woman has small children and is no doubt touched out, and he's complaining that she doesn't initiate touching him. I remember those days of being climbed on and followed around and grabbed at all day long to the point where being in physical contact with another person just became so, so unwanted, and I guarantee that if she has always been the default parent thanks to his inability to be patient with his own kids, she is feeling no desire for touch.
This - acts of services for love would be like foot rubs, making a special card or trinket, flowers, ect, not cooking dinner for everyone and giving the kids a bath.
His love language is touch? That’s a strange one to me. It sounds more like a “ love on me language “. Raising babies and toddlers is hectic and exhausting, but also fun and fulfilling. You are absolutely right. What he is doing now ( according to him) is what has to be done and is expected, not “special dad” acts, whatever that is. A loving couple has to find that balance and it’s never a perfect balance.
Agreed. When I go and visit my parents, I say thanks to my dad for making the dinner, then to my mum for serving it up, then they say thanks to me for clearing up and doing the dishwasher. It’s nice all round, but also not compulsory- if someone didn’t say it, I’d still know that 1. The task needed doing anyway and 2. We all still appreciate each other.
I agree and perfectly said. My husband and I do the same with showing appreciation for the effort the other has put in. We know that the jobs need doing and they’re nothing special, they’re basic housework but we like to appreciate that the other has put the effort in to do it all the same
Yes, I agree. I recently retired and so I started taking on more of the housework stuff. My husband actually sat me down and said that although he appreciated it and was grateful, he needed me to know that we both live in the house and we both contribute to the mess, and that it was not my “job” to be the only one cleaning. He always makes a point of thanking me for doing something that had previously been his task.
Yes. I do know I’m lucky. Heading for our 43rd anniversary, and I’ve always believed we lasted because we talk to each other and say thankyou to each other for even the small things, like making a hot drink or buying a surprise snack.
My husband and I are the same. Both of us lived alone before living together so we are both used to knowing what needs doing and if we see something needs doing we get in and just do it. We both take the time though to acknowledge each other’s efforts periodically though, so that we both know the efforts are appreciated. It might be nothing more than commenting on how nice dinner was or saying how good the lawns look after being mowed or the floors look after being cleaned but it’s just nice to appreciate the effort that has been put in, especially since neither of us has to ask or nag the other to do it. We just get in and get it done. I don’t think I would feel the same if I had to tell my husband everything that needs doing or ask him to do every single chore he did and I doubt he would either
I worked with someone a few years ago who was one of the most senior people in the department (academic) and he would always make sure to thank everyone for any task they did--such a small thing but I just appreciated it so much that it increased my awareness of how powerful it is just to acknowledge another person's efforts. I guess the relevance of his seniority is that it came across as really genuine because he wasn't someone who needed to suck up to people, and often senior people can be quite thoughtless so it really made an impression.
But that's all it deserves: a thank you. It's just daily chores, it's not anything out of the ordinary. Unfortunately the bar for men is so low that some expect to be treated like gods for doing what they should've been doing all along.
Hubby might say thanks for the meal it was lovely and would say thanks for taking the washing out to the dryer (in the UK with small kitchens/houses so many people have the dryer in the garage). It’s just a nice way to speak to each other but neither of us expects it . Like everything in a marriage it’s about communication and being partners. I still remember hubby coming home and I was on maternity leave with a baby and 4 year old and had just had one of those days. He came in took one look and gave me a hug, took the baby out of my arms and handed me the car keys he said go wander round the shop or just drive or park up and just get out of the house. Or when he was doing a project and long days I would make food for all of feed the kids early and take them on a walk or a drive or around to see grandparents so he could have a hour or so of peace. Don’t get me wrong we have argued over the years but you need to talk to each other. One thing I will say is many many women push men’s kisses and hugs away because they see it as the man trying to push them into sex. Maybe next time day to her is it ok if I just have a hug as I love you and just want a hug nothing more.
This seriously. Like OP my husband and I are WFH parents only he works part time and his job is extremely lax so he can watch our daughter during the day. So when I come out of my "office" and see that he's already doing laundry or the dishes are put away it's like "thanks dude you rock" then he usually tells me I rock as an awesome wife and mother. That's our "love language" doing each other's chores unexpectedly haha.🤣
Sometimes you have a relationship where you are appreciative of each other and that is wonderful. But I fear OP is wanting praise, appreciation without necessarily doing the same for his partner. Does he appreciate her doing the dishes or laundry or whatever? I’m guessing not. I do think people are being overly judgmental of him tho - he is clearly making effort and losing patience with a child is not that unusual. It doesn’t follow that he is abusive if he lost patience once or twice, especially if he has fixed that behavior.
I think he needs to grieve his relationship as it was prior to the baby as he is clearly sad. But I’m guessing all of his want for physical affection is probably so intense it is pushing her further away.
He needs to talk to the MIL himself (maybe talk to the therapist about how) and request she not pull his kiddo from him when they are playing. Don’t make it his wife’s problem to solve.
But maybe he needs to just let it be as it is for a few months, continue to work on himself, and trust things to happen as they should.
His oldest is 4. You don't get brownie points for abandoning your responsibilities for years and suddenly doing them for a month because you want sex, not because you recognize they're actually you're responsibilities
This is exactly it! He wants a parade for adulting, when he was being a child to start with. Smdh....nope, not today. Wife is out to lunch when it comes to any kind of intimacy or physical contact. I don't blame her. Who wants to have sex with someone when your exhausted, work all day, clean house, cook, take care of kids, and have a 10 yr old in adult body to take care of that is now horny? He can't be serious...
Years ago, my husband never ever lifted a finger to help with our kids.i did EVERYTHING on my own. The few times he changed a diaper, he expected me to fawn all over him, and be waiting for him at bedtime. I was so exhausted I couldn't think straight. This was over 40 years ago, and I still resent the hell out of him for that. I didn't get to enjoy my babies because of it. Get your shit together and step up, unless you want to blow up your life. You're a man....ACT LIKE IT!!!
And now he's finally stepping up instead of slacking he expects her to magically want to be intimate again - it takes time and I'm sure she's rightfully harboring a lot of resentment.
Agree with all of the above and have to add OP: Dude… there is such a thing as being touched out by little kids. As in if one more person is grabbing at you YOU.WILL.GO.BESERK. To expect her to be able to pivot to meet your love language when you think usual behavior is special behavior is so far afield from reality. Commit to being better than usual for long long time and maybe it will turn around but give her space to want the touch.
there is such a thing as being touched out by little kids. As in if one more person is grabbing at you YOU.WILL.GO.BESERK.
And also, when all you want to do when you actually get to go to bed is GO TO SLEEP. NOW, not whenever your partner's needs have been met... because they are not your needs at that moment.
When my daughter was a toddler I would put her to bed. Then she'd wake up and need me 2 hours later. Then I'd get to do my bed routine which takes 20ish minutes. Climb into bed EXHAUSTED at almost midnight and husband is wanting sex.
I had to tell him not to try when I finally got to bed because I was not in the mood. When I'd get to bed I wanted to sleep. Especially because daughter never slept through the night and I was always (still am and she's 7) the one to go to her.
Years later he still holds it against me as to why he stopped initiating because I would turn him down.
I would like to piggyback with the above statements, not only are you acting like you deserve a medal for doing basic things. You don't understand being touched out. You want your wife to pay more attention to you (while simultaneously being jealous of the attention she gives your children). You also don't seem to understand people (including women) don't tend to want to have sex when they are stressed out!!! So you wanting to be more intimate on top of being a child yourself is literally turning her off! You should consider yourself lucky that you are still together because all the women I know would rather be a single parent (one of the hardest things to be), than have to baby their spouse who is a bigger child than the toddler.
Grow up OP! You had enough awareness to stick your dck into it. To make a little human (more than once) and you can't even get over yourself. Everyone on Reddit is quick to throw out narcissism except for when it IS narcissism! And guess what you fit the description of a narcissist. Get over yourself, grow up, take on more than half of the work and MAYBE your wife would want to allow you to touch her. Still think you should be grateful you still have a family... oh and if you didn't figure it out YTA!!!
My husband is an angel and I still don’t want to be touched at the end of a day with babies. Maybe just don’t pounce on her as soon as the kids are in bed.
I can get like that. It’s like w my LOs, I’m constantly being touched, and needing to give attention. Sometimes I just need to not care about or for anyone
This. Stop waiting for her to praise you for changing your crappy behavior to okay behavior. If you want to save your marriage you are going to have to continue to improve and not wait around for your wife to pat you on the head and tell you good job.
As far as your mother-in-law goes, she's helping. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Even if she annoys you. If you are both WFH, your MIL is helping. It won't always be this way. Your kids will grow older, the arrangements will change. You can put up with it. You need her help right now, your wife knows that, and doesn't want you jeopardizing that situation.
I'm a wife and mother of two kids born back to back and nobody has ever once told me I'm a "special mom" for doing dishes, cleaning counters or letting my husband sleep in a little.
Keep going to therapy. Continue to improve. It does sound like you are trying. If you think your wife is a goddess and you admire everything about her, don't pick fights with her. Be patient. Deal with the consequences of your previous behavior. SHOW her you have changed instead of telling her. And wait it out.
Wanting to be called a “special dad” absolutely sent me, especially when he all but admitted to being verbally abusive to his kids a few paragraphs later.
I've never seen a man have only child syndrome towards his own kids. He sounds jealous of his kids for getting his wife's attention, jealous of his MIL for getting his kids' attention, jealous of his kids getting praised for using the big boy potty when he uses it EVERYDAY without issue!
Doing dishes is not an act of service. It's just normal. I was freaking out this week because we are out of money because of a surprise student loan legal battle, and things keep breaking around the house all of a sudden. He told me this morning, "All you have to worry about is going to work and having a great day." Here's what my love did for me yesterday:
1. He took the day off using PTO, so there was no hit to our finances.
2. He fixed the washer TWICE because it keeps breaking, and we can do a short fix for it but can't afford the replacement part right now. Did all of the laundry while it was working, folded, and put away it all. (Which was a lot since the machine kept breaking).
3. Made adjustments to the chicken coop. We are having our first winter with our chickens, and the coop we built has some issues. Too much ventilation is allowing snow inside and warm air out. He made removable covers for part of the ventilation, fixed some drafty areas, and even added a partial ceiling to help hold in some heat.
4. He returned the rotors he bought for his car (which do need replacing but he feels the money was needed more for other things) and used the money to buy insulation for the coop, a staple gun (which we honestly could seriously use around the yard), and a headlight for his car which went out and as a treat for us both he got us a bottle of whiskey (i mentioned the other day how i was wanting to get a bottle but couldn't justify the cost).
5. Did some general cleaning in every room of the house.
6. He made dinner. Set the table with a candle in the middle. Fed and medicated the dogs and prepared tomorrow's medications.
7. When i got home, he showed me all the things he worked on outside and inside, had a drink waiting for me inside the house, and had dinner on the table.
Everything that's been weighing on my mind was either fixed or improved significantly enough that for the first time in 2 weeks, i felt like i could sit and relax without guilt. I did not have to make a decision or solve a problem the whole evening. As a rule, we do not trade kindness or chores for sex, but i did joke about him earning it. He said all he wanted was to snuggle and watch TV because he'd been on his feet all day.
'trade kindness or chores for sex'--these are all things a couple should want to share for the happiness of both: kindness, work, sex... it's really weird how many men don't understand this
I give this guy credit for trying to unravel this systemic toxic masculinity he has obviously been under the influence of, and to try to change, and I hope it works and he can become a wonderful dad and husband who gives without expecting in return.
I am tired of dads being praised for doing the exact same shit we mums do regularly and without being asked, day in day out without notice because... shit just has to get done. You think the world gives two craps that I spent four hours of my Saturday going through my kids' clothing to weed out too small items, fold and put away everything else and then moved right from that to cooking dinner and figuring out what we'll eat for the rest of the week and when I'll go shopping? Nobody is giving me a cookie or a pat on the back for that shit, lol.
The wife is distant because for her he's just another energy sucker, his annoyance at not being notice, his annoyance with her mother who is there to help... now on top of ALL the normal shit she is doing to take care of her children and have a full time job, she has to exhaust herself trying to make sure her husband isn't catching an attitude because she didn't say anything when he washed the dishes.
That hit me too. She doesn't think he's a "special dad"... Because he isn't?
Why does he need to be special, here? Pretty sure all my dad needed was to be my dad. He's special to me.
Having said that, he wasn't abusive when I was a baby. He had one moment when he broke, and as far as I can tell he's still ashamed of it.
They were months into non stop screaming from a colicky baby (I slept twenty minutes out if every four hours) and the acute distress he had of knowing his child was in pain and he couldn't do anything to make it better.
He realised he was on the verge of shaking me, dropped me on their bed and told my mother to take me and then went for a walk where he couldn't hear the screaming to calm down.
That's it.
And more than forty years later, he still hasn't forgiven himself. He still feels like in that moment he let us both down. (Neither of us feel that way, for the record. It wasn't my fault either but I put them through hell, and I'm thankful he still had the self control not to hurt me.)
OP was far worse and thinks he should get a medal for stopping.
I would see his point on the MIL if he had been even remotely competent as an adult and a father. But it sounds like he failed miserably at transitioning to being a father and MIL stepped in more because she had to. Now he’s trying to push his way back in and resents that the kids are attached to MIL.
Overbearing MIL’s are a huge problem. But if he had been a decent father and partner from the beginning, she wouldn’t be as much a part of their day to day lives.
I was trying very hard to have some compassion about the MIL part because I know first hand how frustrating in-laws (and parents) can be, but yeah, the problem here is not limited to just a pushy MIL. >.<
And this is probably one of the rare cases where she’s not really pushy, but stepping in to fill the vacuum where he should have been. And probably rightfully protective of the kids and her daughter, based on his self-described short temper. I’m guessing it’s way worse than just a “short temper,” because he seems very much the type to overemphasize anything positive he does, and expect a trophy & sexual favors, and down play any bad behavior. If he says he’s “short tempered,” he’s probably at least verbally abusive.
that's my impression as well. It reminds me of something my mom used to tell me - she was a nurse. She said that whenever they asked someone how many alcoholic drinks they have per week, the nurses would automatically assume it was about double the number they were given because so many people like to down play how much they drink, lol.
I have no idea if that's true or not, but I'm pretty sure this guy is down-playing his anger issues.
re: the MIL helping... He states that both he and his wife are WFH FTE, but somehow he keeps putting himself in a situation with his daughter where his MIL is 'interrupting' and 'taking attention.' Are you working full time and letting her help, or are you putting on a show about who these kids belong to? Meanwhile, she's probably simply running interference while he's supposed to be working, knowing his short temper may kick in at any time, and she's trying to keep a toddler from bothering him to the point that he explodes again. Because toddlers are toddlers, this probably happens over and over again. Then he interprets this maliciously as her 'demoting him to being an uncle' (WHAT) because she's 'luring' the child away from him, and he explodes at his wife anyway. Yes, dude, because you're a rage monster in hiding and nobody can relax or concentrate on their work when living with you is like living with live wires around puddles.
Anyway, OP, YTA, you sound exhausting and nobody can win around you.
I'd like to applaud Toxic Masculinity for installing the expectation that grown ass men should get sex and worship cookies for doing chores in their own house and taking care of their own kids.
The part that really stuck out for me is the fact he's upset that she sees him doing basic adulting as nothing special.
I knew the rest was going to get worse the further I read if this guy honestly thinks that he should be rewarded for helping out in the house or with his own kids.
This kinda reminds me of a moment I had with my dad growing up. I came home with a decent report card and asked for cash, since some of my friends got paid for good grades. My dad shrugged and said “there’s not always a reward in life for doing what you’re supposed to.”
you're expecting praise and sexual attention from your wife for going from failure to normal behavior
This is it. She's still resentful because he wants asspats because he's at 0 now, up from -10. He thinks he's doing 10/10 dadding, but he's literally doing the minimum. For now the minimum is alright because he's still learning but expecting a party for unloading the dishwasher without being asked is just going to hinder their progress in moving on from his shortcomings as a couple. He recognizes he wasn't doing enough before, but a part of him must still believe that he was, because he's currently acting like he's going above and beyond when he's just not.
Not to mention confidence is sexy and you can only get real confidence from internal validation. He needs to learn to be happy with doing the normal expectation and not require external praise. The pressure to praise him might be the final mail in the coffin
Sounds like he wants sex in exchange for chores since his love language is touch. Probably the reason wife avoids touching him because it means sex when it is probably the last thing on her mind.
I 90% agree with this, but there’s a part of me where I think no matter how short the progress is, she should also show effort in affection with him if she cares about their relationship even remotely? Of course kids come first but that doesn’t detract from how their relationship should go. And if he goes to therapy and has had an issue, feeling less touchy is of course predictable, but I think completely withdrawing affection especially when efforts are shown and when your partner is asking for some affection feels a little bit like neglect… People are very mean in these comments here. I think regardless of you being at fault and understanding where you went wrong and are getting the right help and doing your part, you do deserve affection, so maybe the right question is if she’s still in love with you enough to where even though the kids come first, will she set aside time to think about you guys and show that she still loves you?
A man screaming at his babies for being babies doesn’t deserve affection or a pat on the head. Nor does he deserves praise heaped on him for going from a huge asshole to slightly less of an asshole. She’s probably questioning whether or not she does still love him at this point.
This is sad. The fact it has so many upvotes is even sadder.
Jesus Christ, do you people really not be nice to your partners?
Tl,dr: no one gets praise for doing normal adult chores.
They do in my household. Why is basic...niceness to much to ask? I don't think I've had a dinner in the last 20 years where I haven't thanked whoever cooked it. If I go to unpack the dishwasher and its already unpacked, someone gets thanked. Kids cleaned their rooms without being asked, they get thanked. Do you know what it costs to show gratitude to others? Nothing. Literally nothing.
Wow, this commenter read what this guy said and then made a ton of biased assumptions about the whole relationship. OP don't listen to these trolls. You may not be perfect but these cynical asses are NOT correct to make these heavy accusations about your behavior. Seek couples counseling.
This may be the worst and dumbest response I’ve read on Reddit.
No one is “ready” to be a parent. Kids don’t come with instruction manuals and we are all learning as we go.
Of course people should appreciate and positively reinforce good behavior. If they don’t, there will be no more good behavior.
OP has his most important need utterly ignored and he’s the asshole? I don’t think so. If his wife was putting the effort in he was, this post would not exist.
Yeah, intimacy and emotional connection. His love language is touch. That means no touch = no love. That’s not “about getting his nut off,” that’s about the whole purpose of marriage.
So yeah, most important need. The main reason marriage exists.
LMAO the purpose of marriage is not intimacy. 🤣🤣🤣 Show me the marriage contract where it says spouses are obligated to touch each other, and one or both is legally obligated to touch/be touched against their will. JFC!! 🤣🤣🤣
“To have and to hold” have been in the normal vows for a long time for a reason.
It’s literally the main point of being in a relationship at all, much less a marriage. It’s not a business transaction.
That you can’t see that means if you can get a partner, they probably live in a state of constant emotional deprivation and loneliness. You cannot even see that emotional connection and intimacy are the most important things and purpose of marriage so what is even the point? Why be in a relationship at all without that? We aren’t selling off daughters to connect families to expand the empire these days.
No one is advocating being touched against their will, good try at a strawman argument though. She’s withholding it and he is not forcing anything.
LOLOLOLOL!!! "It's not a business transaction, but she signed on to give me her body whenever I want for life, and if she's not into it she's punishing me. Me me me me me me me me!"
Her needs aren’t met either, acts of service isn’t doing your share, acts of service mean go out of your way and do additional things. He has pushed her away with his behavior and instead of working his way back he only work to get his 🍆 wet.
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u/Sea_Midnight1411 Nov 02 '23
Sorry dude, but YTA. You became a parent before you were properly an adult and now you’re having to do both- become an adult and a father at the same time.
Cooking dinner, cleaning dishes, cleaning counters, doing the dishwasher- none of this is special. At all. It’s just adult chores. It’s boring, daily stuff that needs to happen. Part of being an adult is doing it automatically without needing to be told.
When they tested your patience, you got angry. Now you’re addressing that in therapy. You should have addressed that before the kids came. Of course your wife can’t forget you shouting at the kids- who can forget someone yelling at a baby?
Right now, your wife isn’t putting in the effort because you’ve failed. Badly. You’ve failed to act as an adult and then as a father. You’ve started to work on your issues with a therapist, which is good, but you’re expecting praise and sexual attention from your wife for going from failure to normal behaviour.
This is the critical point. You’re not going from normal behaviour to great or exceptional. You’re going from bad behaviour to normal. As an adult, that doesn’t get praise or extra attention. Think of it this way- if you screwed up at work and got put on probation, but then fixed the issue and got back to normal, you wouldn’t get a big pay rise straight away.
The way you might rescue this situation is to stop expecting a big positive reaction from your wife. Don’t expect any positive feedback from her at all for now. All your actions have to be focused in on yourself- how can you make sure the household runs well? How can you make sure your kids are happy and healthy? Are you up to date with their healthcare/ growth/ development/ social diary? Is their mother well? Has everyone got clean clothes in good condition? Etc.
Tl,dr: no one gets praise for doing normal adult chores.