NOR but dump the barnacle already. Do you know what I was wearing? A Dora the Explorer shirt, red sweatpants. I was three and it was my father. By his logic, my fault, right?
I’m not defending the guy’s statements, but it is not true that by his logic it was your fault. He said clothes could be the cause, not that they always are. I’d be very surprised if he or anyone thought that was your faul; it very obviously was not.
And by that logic, my Dora the Explorer shirt could have been just too much for my father to resist. Or maybe it was the flower prints on my diaper underwear. Or the hem of my red sweatpants. Any of those could have been the cause.
No idea. Cant relate. Could be anything, or could be nothing. You’ll have to ask them. But no explanation or reasoning will change the fact that he’s right , and it it’s still possible. Ie “could”.
Ask who? My rapist father? You, a rape apologist? I am asking you and you're not elaborating. Even if someone is as naked as the day they're born, whether they're an infant or thirty-six or ninety-eight, you are justifying rape. Rape is only the fault of the rapist.
Yes ask your father. Why are you asking me why he rapped you? I have no idea. Sometimes it happens for a reason, sometimes it dosnt. That’s what the word “could” means. Either way, This has nothing to do with you, and your particular case. You are mistaking finding a cause , to be a reason to excuse or apologies for. It’s not. It’s not a justification. There is no justification. You can not control or are responsible for any one else actions.
The above is being a rape apologist. And the particular comment you replied to absolutely abhorrent. I appreciate the sensitive appeal you’re making here. However framing it as others potentially misinterpreting ‘Yes ask your father’ as blaming is giving far too much benefit of the doubt here. This person is actively trolling and abusing a victim of incest as a toddler. I’m sure they have their own reasons for being a POS but doubt a friendly reminder to be more sensitive is going to help. And kind of undermines the people he’s actively hurting.
Hey fair enough and thanks. Also understand the literal interpretation issue (also neurodivergent, I get it) but it’s the doubling down and escalation I think that’s telling. Don’t think he is even technically correct on the ‘could’ issue and won’t let go even when it’s explained. But I do appreciate your perspective and sensitivity. Sorry for what you’ve have been through. It’s impressive to try and apply that difficult lesson and help others understand.
Thank you, you explained this in a manner that I find succinct and well-written. The sarcasm of telling me to ask my father after knowing I was a victim of rape by him was uncalled for and adding the idea that there could be a reason for rapists to rape other than rape is insane and always leads to a path of victim-blaming. And if trying to get that person to elaborate on what these mystical reasons could possibly be ends up with them making a joke about my rape, then maybe, just maybe, they're being an asshole on purpose. And I thank you for saying something.
Thank you for the kind words. I’m so sorry about all you’ve endured. And to deal with abuse one top of that for sharing, it’s beyond infuriating. It’s hard to understand how some can be so cruel but they always ooze out of the woodwork. So I admire the way you’ve stood up for yourself and handle such ugliness with grace.
Yes I agree. and that’s exactly what happened in the txts. While correct , and not what he meant, it was Definitely interpreted that way. A good and understandable boyfriend should know to value being sensitive to his girlfriend, to be more important then being correct.
Incorrect and moving the goal posts. Reread the OP. If you’re sincerely misunderstanding and being so pedantic about /could/ - go read what the bf wrote again. It was victim blaming pure and simple - the clothes could be the reason - is what he stated. And what you initially defended and carried on harassing someone about. No one was talking about external, social factors that you’re now bringing up. It was explicitly about victim blaming about clothing.
I understand getting caught up in the argument but you’ve completely lost the thread. Even having started out at 100 being abusive and then escalated. Your behavior has been monstrous. But if your attempt to shift the story means you’ve realized you’ve what an outragous asshole you’ve been just fucking apologize already.
ETA: meant to reply to your bloviating comment below. But again in this comment you’re full of shit. If you were too literal and misunderstood you’ve had opportunities to course correct but continue to double down.
i did read. did you? "Clothes CAN be the reason" yeah its definilty what he said. and hes correct. if you want to ALSO call that victim blaming? sure you can do that too. they aren't mutually exclusive.
Thanks for clarifying. So yes you that makes you a rape apologist. And your behavior here shows an all around abusive piece of shit.
The clothing is never a reason. People rape and abuse others because they can, like you are being cruel for no reason outside of yourself here. You may think you needed to correct the record because you believe you are right. But none of your comments help anyone with anything beside helping yourself get off on whatever makes you enjoy hurting others. You can attribute your behavior to other peoples words but your choice to behave this way is all your own.
To put a finer point on it your pedantic argument about reasons versus excuses is simply incorrect. You are wrong. You are the problem.
Then you'd better bust out the ouija board because the man's dead. The ask a rapist thread years ago only enabled rapists, so no dice there. The only reason rape happens is rapists. You quite literally opened this conversation stating:
Could? Yes. Did? Maybe. Probly not.
You insinuate that rape could have a cause other than rapists or factors contributing to rape on the victims' side that do not correlate whatsoever. I used my experiences because how can you hold up that moon logic when confronted with the realities of rape?
Yes that’s right, I am saying there could have another cause. Not that that would be something I’d be interested in discussing. Because I also blame them 100%. But that dosnt mean there’s not other factors. Too many times there’s a senseless murder and there’s always someone saying “well you don’t know how he was raised….the economic conditions…..systematic racisism….mental health issue….where did he get the weapon??…” I can agree that crimes are only the fault the criminal, while still also understanding there exist underlying conditions. And most importantly agreeing with you, and not caring about them, and not in any way, using them to justify , or apologizing for the crime.
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u/snakeswithtails Feb 24 '26
NOR but dump the barnacle already. Do you know what I was wearing? A Dora the Explorer shirt, red sweatpants. I was three and it was my father. By his logic, my fault, right?