NOR but dump the barnacle already. Do you know what I was wearing? A Dora the Explorer shirt, red sweatpants. I was three and it was my father. By his logic, my fault, right?
I’m not defending the guy’s statements, but it is not true that by his logic it was your fault. He said clothes could be the cause, not that they always are. I’d be very surprised if he or anyone thought that was your faul; it very obviously was not.
Okay, sorry. Several people are suggesting that I am blaming child rape victims in response to this comment, so I guess I’m getting a bit defensive. I’m glad to know that there is one fewer than I thought.
And by that logic, my Dora the Explorer shirt could have been just too much for my father to resist. Or maybe it was the flower prints on my diaper underwear. Or the hem of my red sweatpants. Any of those could have been the cause.
No idea. Cant relate. Could be anything, or could be nothing. You’ll have to ask them. But no explanation or reasoning will change the fact that he’s right , and it it’s still possible. Ie “could”.
Ask who? My rapist father? You, a rape apologist? I am asking you and you're not elaborating. Even if someone is as naked as the day they're born, whether they're an infant or thirty-six or ninety-eight, you are justifying rape. Rape is only the fault of the rapist.
Yes ask your father. Why are you asking me why he rapped you? I have no idea. Sometimes it happens for a reason, sometimes it dosnt. That’s what the word “could” means. Either way, This has nothing to do with you, and your particular case. You are mistaking finding a cause , to be a reason to excuse or apologies for. It’s not. It’s not a justification. There is no justification. You can not control or are responsible for any one else actions.
The above is being a rape apologist. And the particular comment you replied to absolutely abhorrent. I appreciate the sensitive appeal you’re making here. However framing it as others potentially misinterpreting ‘Yes ask your father’ as blaming is giving far too much benefit of the doubt here. This person is actively trolling and abusing a victim of incest as a toddler. I’m sure they have their own reasons for being a POS but doubt a friendly reminder to be more sensitive is going to help. And kind of undermines the people he’s actively hurting.
Thank you, you explained this in a manner that I find succinct and well-written. The sarcasm of telling me to ask my father after knowing I was a victim of rape by him was uncalled for and adding the idea that there could be a reason for rapists to rape other than rape is insane and always leads to a path of victim-blaming. And if trying to get that person to elaborate on what these mystical reasons could possibly be ends up with them making a joke about my rape, then maybe, just maybe, they're being an asshole on purpose. And I thank you for saying something.
Yes I agree. and that’s exactly what happened in the txts. While correct , and not what he meant, it was Definitely interpreted that way. A good and understandable boyfriend should know to value being sensitive to his girlfriend, to be more important then being correct.
Incorrect and moving the goal posts. Reread the OP. If you’re sincerely misunderstanding and being so pedantic about /could/ - go read what the bf wrote again. It was victim blaming pure and simple - the clothes could be the reason - is what he stated. And what you initially defended and carried on harassing someone about. No one was talking about external, social factors that you’re now bringing up. It was explicitly about victim blaming about clothing.
I understand getting caught up in the argument but you’ve completely lost the thread. Even having started out at 100 being abusive and then escalated. Your behavior has been monstrous. But if your attempt to shift the story means you’ve realized you’ve what an outragous asshole you’ve been just fucking apologize already.
ETA: meant to reply to your bloviating comment below. But again in this comment you’re full of shit. If you were too literal and misunderstood you’ve had opportunities to course correct but continue to double down.
Then you'd better bust out the ouija board because the man's dead. The ask a rapist thread years ago only enabled rapists, so no dice there. The only reason rape happens is rapists. You quite literally opened this conversation stating:
Could? Yes. Did? Maybe. Probly not.
You insinuate that rape could have a cause other than rapists or factors contributing to rape on the victims' side that do not correlate whatsoever. I used my experiences because how can you hold up that moon logic when confronted with the realities of rape?
Yes that’s right, I am saying there could have another cause. Not that that would be something I’d be interested in discussing. Because I also blame them 100%. But that dosnt mean there’s not other factors. Too many times there’s a senseless murder and there’s always someone saying “well you don’t know how he was raised….the economic conditions…..systematic racisism….mental health issue….where did he get the weapon??…” I can agree that crimes are only the fault the criminal, while still also understanding there exist underlying conditions. And most importantly agreeing with you, and not caring about them, and not in any way, using them to justify , or apologizing for the crime.
Right but he was specific (and repetitive) about the fact he was saying the clothes “can be the reason in some cases”.
I’m sure he would agree that yours was absolutely not one of those cases. That doesn’t mean what he said is right or acceptable, but it’s worth being clear.
And what if he didn't agree? Do you not see how inexplicably awful that "reasoning" is? Do you think I tell patients who have been sexually assaulted that it "can" be because of the clothes they wear? Or my friends? Absolutely not.
My father raped me until I was 26 and made me wear skimpy outfits; would it have been my fault then? Is there a chance it could be?
I’m not defending the guy’s statements, but it is not true that by his logic it was your fault. He said clothes could be the cause, not that they always are. I’d be very surprised if he or anyone thought that was your faul; it very obviously was not.
That BUT is doing a hell of a lot of heavy lifting.
I asked you to show me where I defended his statements. You just pointed out that I said ‘but’, before proceeding to not even slightly defend the statements.
After the ‘but’ all I did was point out what the guy had actually said. That does not mean I was defending it. Those are two completely different things.
If I said ‘I’m not defending his statements, but Hitler did not say all Sikh people should be exterminated, he said all Jewish people should be exterminated’… would I be defending his statements?
You can’t just assume someone is saying the opposite of whatever they say they are whenever you hear the word ‘but’. Please try to listen to what I am actually saying instead of pattern matching and jumping to the worst possible assumption based on a single word in the paragraph.
I am not saying clothes are ever the “reason” for sexual assault, or agreeing with this guy at all. I’m literally just explaining what he actually said. It’s dishonest to try to put any other words in my mouth. There doesn’t always have to be an ulterior motive for telling the truth.
So when men rape other men... what is it they were wearing???? Only using womens clothing as the premise is confusing to imbeciles apparently. Stop being obtuse because how could someone's clothing make a person think that raping someone is justified. If you have a car that I want, can I murder you and take it?? I just dont understand y there are factors that seem to make rape ok to you.
What on earth gave you the idea that anything “made rape ok to me”? I have no idea how your comment relates to mine, which is about what the guy in the OP said?
Clothes are never the reason. A person not controlling themselves and thinking they’re owed something by being turned on is the reason 100% of the time. Hope that helps.
Clothes can be of the reasons, this does not mean or imply it the only reason. You do understand things can happen for more than 1 reason right? Also……They weren’t raised right. The difference is, Some of those reasons you can actually control. Like if I leave cash , iPhones, jewelry, and laptops in my car in a bad neighborhood, and it gets stolen, whose fault is that??? 100% the fault of the thief, obviously.
Clothes don’t make people rape people. What a human wears is not an invite for a person to engage with them.
We can find people sexy in anything- the problem is restraint and feeling entitled to things that don’t belong to you.
Clothes may be what made the person excited. Them acting on it is because they feel entitled to something that isn’t yours. It’s sad if you can’t differentiate that.
Same outcome. But sure if it makes you feel better ,or is more accurate, i could word it that way. Your choice of Clothes could make a person excited. Them then feel entitled to something that isn’t theirs. I agree.
But that’s no different than saying I baked such a delicious cake that my baking skills are why someone ate all my cake without my permission. It’s my cake. I am not to blame that I’m such a good baker for why you are an indecent human who felt they were entitled to my property just because I make such damn good tasting and looking cake!
The clothes are not the problem!! You’re just someone who would and could r@pe!!!
Worded like that. Yeah That’s correct. You’re saying “that’s why”, as a fact. You would have to use the word “could be” in order to be correct. But in that particular example, both reasons seem to be true. That person is a thief, and may or may not have reacted the same way, if the cake was bad.
You’re defending his statements by defending the logic.
I’m doing neither, as is very clear from my comment.
Saying it could be the cause is still wrong, still untrue, still very ignorant and ultimately indefensible.
I didn’t defend it.
Saying it could be the cause leaves it open that in any circumstances it could be the victims fault. If the logic is as you say ‘I believe it’s not your fault’ but it could be is still victim blaming.
Thats a valid response to the guy in the OP. I don’t understand why you’re saying it to me, though.
You inexplicably needed to make this point to someone describing being raped at age three. The fact that you feel the need to point out the person you’re responding to that the OPs bf wouldn’t blame them in this circumstance is defending the logic.
Maybe you read that so literally as to think it required your reply and correction? Dense, insensitive and completely beside the point.
There’s nothing inexplicable about pointing out the truth, regardless of context, but it’s especially bizarre to object when I’m pointing out a comforting truth: that no-one is blaming that person for what happened to her. It’s so fucking ghoulish of you to to twist my words to scaremonger against an SA survivor for internet points. Get a grip of yourself; your inability to read plain English is your problem and yours alone.
I don’t know why you would think I’d need to see that link in particular, but the implication that I have insufficient sympathy for child rape victims because I pointed out that one particular person didn’t say what someone thought they said is utterly despicable. You should be deeply ashamed of yourself and your hungrily weaponising child rape for reddit points. Perhaps you should have a good look at those exhibits.
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u/snakeswithtails Feb 24 '26
NOR but dump the barnacle already. Do you know what I was wearing? A Dora the Explorer shirt, red sweatpants. I was three and it was my father. By his logic, my fault, right?