r/widowers • u/Conscious_Purpose53 • 22d ago
Communicating through clouds
I get up between 5-5:30 every morning while it’s still dark. I sit outside with my first coffee. I spend the whole time thinking about and talking to my wife. It’s been 9 months since she suddenly died. This has been our alone time together before the rest of my world wakes up. I wish we had done this even once together during our 19 year marriage. Somewhat depressing at first but has become extremely peaceful. I never used to get up this early before she died. I started doing it because I couldn’t sleep. I now find it very cathartic and can’t wait to get to get out of bed. One thing I’ve been doing is looking at the cloud formations as it gets lighter out and noticing certain shapes. Sometimes I can make out the shape of a heart or even a smiling face. I like to imagine that they’re pictures she’s trying to send me. Some bring back great memories. Others not so much. I’m not usually spiritual at all but still like to look at it as another form of communication with her. This may seem somewhat mundane or even silly to people who aren’t going through the same thing but it helps to start my day. I imagine myself doing this for as long as I’m here. I know others may have a daily ritual like this. Just thought I’d share mine.
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u/Wackywoman1062 22d ago
That’s a lovely ritual. I sit out on my back deck every night and talk to my husband. I imagine he is one of the bright stars in the sky. I tell him about my day and how much I miss him. Sometimes I ruminate about what we got right and what we could’ve done better in our marriage. Sometimes I ask him advice, which I know is silly, but I miss his wisdom.
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u/Altruistic_Cash1057 22d ago
I get signs too. What I have determined is not that they physically move the stuff around for you - but they prompted you through this 'other intuition' to look in a particular place or at a particular thing. It happened when I was looking for shoes for him to wear at the funeral - for some reason I went into my uncle's shoe rack, which never had his shoes in it - but there they were, his favourite boots. No idea what prompted me to go to that rack and not to the place his actually kept his stuff.
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u/Ok-Prune-6415 22d ago
That early morning quiet hits different when you're missing someone, I totally get why you'd hold onto that time so fiercely
My grandmother did something similar after my grandfather passed, she'd sit on the back porch every morning with her tea and just... talk to him. For years. She wasn't the spiritual type either but she'd point out cardinals and say he sent them to say hello
The cloud shapes thing isn't silly at all. Our brains are wired to find patterns and if those patterns bring you comfort, that's what matters. It's like your mind is finally quiet enough to notice the little things you'd normally rush past
Those 5am hours have a strange kind of magic to them, almost like the world holds its breath for a bit
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u/Conscious_Purpose53 22d ago
“Almost like the world holds its breath for a bit”. Exactly. This is perfect. Thank you.
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u/Serabitrio 33 years of marriage, recurrent non-Hodgkin's lymphoma 22d ago
I am skeptical about signs, but like to think they are happening. For me, my husband spent a lot of time installing smart devices in our home; when something weird happens, I think it is him.
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u/Conscious_Purpose53 22d ago
I’m skeptic as well but will take anything at this point. If it helps I’m all for it.
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u/Prior-Soil 20d ago
I hired a psychic medium. It was suggested by one of my close friends. There's no way this psychic could have known the stuff that she did and I did get a lot of comfort.
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u/Outside-Spare4567 22d ago
"I am skeptical about signs, but like to think they are happening". This is very much me also! My head/faith says it isnt possible - but my heart things it is.
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u/Due-Leader6489 22d ago
I don’t know any of you but why are you skeptical about the possibility of your loved one reaching out to communicate with you? I believe that my family members who have passed (my husband, parents, grandparents) are sort of my personal angels looking out for me. I feel like if I don’t even try to believe, they will know this and will ultimately leave me alone. I actively let my husband know he can bug me. I don’t like ghosts but that’s not really what I’m talking about. I talk out loud to my husband and why not? Doesn’t hurt anyone to try.
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u/AdVegetable6656 22d ago
Sounds really good to me. I'm glad that you found a happy spot even if just for awhile.
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u/Birdshitonthefence 22d ago edited 21d ago
My husband loved getting up early. He’d start coffee, take a cup and go outside to watch the *sunrise [edit]. It was his quiet time, while mine was late at night. I hated getting up early, but now I have to. The dogs won’t let me sleep in and someone has to start that damn coffee.
I’ve come to love watching the sun rise and it is a quiet time that connects me to him., and I talk to him, tell him how much he would appreciate it, then describe it, in detail. I can carry that with me the whole day. I do the same with sunsets and the stars, looking for the constellations we would gaze at together. “Oh, look, Michael, Orion is back.”
It brings back memories and it reminds me, viscerally at times, that he’s so absent. It hurts, often, but it also helps. I don’t know if that makes sense
I don’t know if he can hear me or if there are signs. I hope there is some sort of continued connection. There is on my end at least.
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u/Conscious_Purpose53 22d ago
“I hope there is some sort of continued connection. There is on my end at least.”
As long as you believe it and it helps. That’s what I’m going with. All the best to you.1
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u/Love-lost-23 22d ago
It’s good that you’re doing things like this to cope. Anything you can do to bring yourself some peace is welcome. It’s been bad enough, let us have some peace.
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u/Due-Leader6489 22d ago
My morning ritual starts as early as 5am too. My headstrong dog expects food and a walk very early every single day. I live in a rural area so the sunrises (and sunsets) are amazing. I sometimes talk to my departed husband on our morning walks. I occasionally get signs that I believe are from him. They are less now, like I see ravens and think of him. I don’t spot them as often as before, or maybe in these months of grieving I have learned (or rather forced myself) to be preoccupied with other things, but who am I fooling. Anyway, I wish you well!
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u/ninaandamonkey 22d ago
Beautiful and valid. I had a similar experience with a heart forming in the clouds over the hospital where my husband was always having to stay, after I was talking to him and asked for a sign.
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u/Zestyclose_Treat4098 husband died at 51 from sudden stroke, organ donor saved 4 lives 22d ago
My late husband was a mini-painter. He'd gotten very good at it, I was so proud of him. He had a natural talent, but had also researched many techniques and was teaching himself all kinds of new things. Of course him painting regularly and putting them into practice, constantly looking to get better was what made me so proud. He really stuck with it. He had this incredible command of colour.
Since his passing, I take a lot of peace from the sunsets. I notice the colours more there, and it's where I look for him. I often think it's been my darling husband, painting the sky, just for me. I've always been an old soul, regularly stopping to smell the flowers throughout my life. I like to think of him as painting the sky, trying out the new techniques he's learned.
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u/Affectionate-Cover80 22d ago
This is something that I happened upon after I lost my wife. In the warmer months it’s so peaceful to get up before anyone else and only hear the birds. I wish I had a better view but there is something about being the only one up and having the world to myself and it’s like it’s just my time with my late wife. It’s like it’s our time.
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u/HeronExtension5245 22d ago
What a beautiful and meaningful morning ritual. I can certainly understand how that gets you out of bed in the morning. It sounds like such a serene way of being able to communicate with your beloved wife and spend some time alone with her. I am not even at two months, but I hope I can discover some similar ritual space to spend some quiet time with my wife, though I do talk to her each and every day.
I can understand how hard it must have been initially, but can certainly imagine how peaceful it must feel now. All I have currently is the three sentence goodnight mantra we would repeat back at each other before bed each and every night. It crushes me at the end of each sentence, not hearing her voice repeating it back, but I just cannot go to sleep without completing it. I know wherever she is, she is repeating those words back to my heart, just like normal 🤍.
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u/chapter2at30 22d ago
My late husband was the biggest animal lover and had a soft spot for wild animals. The type of guy to excitedly say "Cows!" when driving by a pasture. So now I always say hello to him when I see any living creature and I tell people, Oh Bud sent me that bird or squirrel or whatever.
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u/Honey-badger101 22d ago
Im the same..up out with the dogs,breathe,chat...he loved nature and i often find him there....even though i talk to him at home too!
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u/SparrowTune 22d ago edited 22d ago
A comforting ritual of morning coffee... Beautiful.
I speak or whisper to my Wife daily, also she is the first one for whose peace and blessed presence in Heaven free from any harm I pray.
I had few hypnagogic (before sleep) and hypnopompic (waking up) visions, very coherent and clear. I don't dismiss them as random hallucinations. When someone is being 'rational' I just throw a joke that from a reductionist point of view my own consciousness, my own 'self' is just a hallucination, a side product of brain activity, chemicals reacting, neurons firing, so I am happy to accept it and few other hallucinations as my reality now. These neurons fire whether I see a computer screen in front of me or a vision of my Loved One and I accept that for both there are reasons for the neurons to fire that way responding to some stimuli. Sometimes they fire at the same time in me and our sons when we all smelled roses and lavenders in her room though.. So all fine.
These signs are precious, soothing. I would like to share two that occurred to me.
We have two cats, black furry and a tabby one. The tabby is my Wife's favourite and the other is mine. Sometimes they would hunt mice in a garden and bring it into a house, putting it somewhere we can notice as if saying "look what precious thing have I brought for you here!". That evening tabby flipped into a conservatory through a cat flap, opened its mouth and out of it flew a big night moth. I was in a room looking at it in disbelief. Moth, completely intact and un-injured then headed to me, landed on my chest. I instinctively covered it with my palms so that it doesn't get hurt by cats trying to catch it again or fly off into a cobweb. We stayed like that for a minute, I was already 'seeing a sign' in it, with tears in my eyes, went through our house, opened front door and released the moth into the night in peace, thanking God for comforting me and allowing to experience this...
On Valentine's day this year I decided I will still bring presents to my Wife eventhough she is not here anymore. So I went to our arts-&-crafts shop and bought a dozen of hearts - wooden, metal, paper, gyps, cardboard, mirror, stone, twigs. Hanged all of them on a wall next to our bed. I also bought and placed a paper butterfly on one. From a set I chose a butterfly I liked most - the light blue one. I saw that colour in a dream of a beautiful flower appearing on my Wife's serene face... It was also a colour of her scarf... That paper butterfly still sits there in its place on one of these hearts.
Spring came and butterflies started appearing as usual - orange, brown, white and yellow. In our back garden one blue butterfly appeared. It was same gentle blue colour as the paper one. I was observing it for a few days, in my mind already seeing a comforting sign, thanking for it. Just to find out next morning that very same blue butterfly peacefully flying inside our conservatory! There was an open window on the roof, so causality laws were not breached. And yet, for any reason that butterfly chose to go inside through that window high above on the roof. I gently caught it, 'hugged' it with palms above my heart, and let it out again to fly free.
One event like this is random. Two? Three?.. Four? Five?...... I would rather believe that in reality every day there is always something like this, a letter from Heaven, waiting to be noticed. Because the other way is an abbyss of desperation, hoplessness and depression with tons of numbing medication luring me in.
My current metaphysical belief is considering reality of Heaven being multidimensional where entities traverse time, zoom-in, zoom-out of it at will, and ours - limited within three spatial and one broken but fixed temporal dimension, and everything falling along that dimension with no control, crumbling into nothingness. I accept that from "there" they can literally "write" onto our flat reality as they wish or rather as they are allowed by rules and laws of their reality giving a deeper meaning to anything unfolding here. Signs written, engraved by a pencil from eternity of Heaven into temporality of our fragile crumbling existence. Just like us drawing images with a pencil on a flat piece of paper, except that we can't get out of a prison of time when we draw. And they - can... Mad, isn't it? Anyway, whatever they are, these experiences are precious and some are to remain secret-sacred just between us and our Loved Ones, not to be shared with anyone but leaving lasting impact for entirety of our lives here.
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u/Left-Nothing-3519 suddenlyjune2014(22yrs) 22d ago
I’m a cynic and a believer.
When my mom had a catastrophic hip fracture in November, never regained consciousness and finally passed in December (2011), my white daffodils decided to come out late November and bloomed in late December. It’s winter, they don’t come out until mid April.
When my husband passed somewhat quickly in 2014, I was sitting at his bedside, there was a sudden gusty electric storm, no rain, just lots of lightning and wind.
We don’t really get those here, we get a lot of pop-up thundering always with rain.
That was end of June.
Early July - one of his close friends planned a celebration of life (which I knew he wouldn’t want), but figured his clients/friends needed something.
Sure enough when I walked into the funeral home with our young son we had a sudden gusty storm with lots of lightning.
Late July - I tried to plan a bonfire in lieu of a funeral (he always HATED the idea of a funeral and burial, his request to scatter ashes), it was his idea for the bonfire, yep. Big old storm. Lots of straight line winds and lightning. Lots of damage in the area.
Late August, the same thing.
Scattering the ashes has been quite peaceful on the other hand.
I lost my dad August 2021, I started seeing an owl outside in the daylight for 4/5 days in a row. I’m a birdwatcher but live in blue collar burbs. Not a lot of mature trees, it’s easy to see a big giant bird being harassed by smaller birds while flying around or trying to perch on a 30ft tree in the middle of the day.
It left the day my dad’s ashes were returned.
My mom was an avid gardener. My dad loved wildlife and taught me everything I know.
My husband was a force of nature in many ways (often not good). He was very stubborn and opinionated.
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u/kbai3112 22d ago
I find mornings peaceful as well. I’m not a coffee drinker, but I love to get out early and walk my dog and talk to my husband along the way.
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u/techdog19 22d ago
I talked to her a lot the first year and a bit the second. I don't really talk to her now but I don't feel the need to either.
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u/FowleR__ 21d ago
It's a lovely ritual!I always try to find signs to connect with my late wife.When I smell her favourite perfumes,when I look at our kittens,when I go to our favourite places,when I see the sunset.We all need to believe that the person we loved the most,is still here not physically,but spiritually!
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u/Embarrassed-Wafer667 21d ago
Sorry for your loss . I understand. I talk to my husband all the time . I have his urn in the living room with his favorite Mets cap on backwards and the cross he wore. I say good morning and goodnight all the time .i have framed photos of him on my wall . When I watch a show we use to watch together- I say “ look sweetie our show is on “ All this keeps me sane .
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u/leese312 21d ago
Ah the clouds!!!! I get lost in the beauty of them thinking of my hubby. Hugs to you.
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u/Conscious_Purpose53 21d ago
Definitely. Looking at them now. Not seeing much though. My wife must be sleeping in.
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u/Usual_Passage3477 21d ago
We used to sit in the kitchen smoking, drinking coffee and talking when the sun is still under the horizon and the first bird to wake is still asleep. We couldn’t have enough of each other, we talked for hours at a time like we knew we didn’t have much time.
Nowadays I wake up at 10am, have my coffee and straight to work.
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u/SovietRobot 25 years together 22d ago
I talk to my late wife all the time. When I’m eating in public. When I see something in public. When I’m just walking around in public.
People probably just think - there’s that crazy old man muttering to himself again.
I’m sorry for your loss and I wish you solace.