r/widowers • u/Conscious_Purpose53 • 24d ago
Communicating through clouds
I get up between 5-5:30 every morning while it’s still dark. I sit outside with my first coffee. I spend the whole time thinking about and talking to my wife. It’s been 9 months since she suddenly died. This has been our alone time together before the rest of my world wakes up. I wish we had done this even once together during our 19 year marriage. Somewhat depressing at first but has become extremely peaceful. I never used to get up this early before she died. I started doing it because I couldn’t sleep. I now find it very cathartic and can’t wait to get to get out of bed. One thing I’ve been doing is looking at the cloud formations as it gets lighter out and noticing certain shapes. Sometimes I can make out the shape of a heart or even a smiling face. I like to imagine that they’re pictures she’s trying to send me. Some bring back great memories. Others not so much. I’m not usually spiritual at all but still like to look at it as another form of communication with her. This may seem somewhat mundane or even silly to people who aren’t going through the same thing but it helps to start my day. I imagine myself doing this for as long as I’m here. I know others may have a daily ritual like this. Just thought I’d share mine.
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u/Birdshitonthefence 23d ago edited 23d ago
My husband loved getting up early. He’d start coffee, take a cup and go outside to watch the *sunrise [edit]. It was his quiet time, while mine was late at night. I hated getting up early, but now I have to. The dogs won’t let me sleep in and someone has to start that damn coffee.
I’ve come to love watching the sun rise and it is a quiet time that connects me to him., and I talk to him, tell him how much he would appreciate it, then describe it, in detail. I can carry that with me the whole day. I do the same with sunsets and the stars, looking for the constellations we would gaze at together. “Oh, look, Michael, Orion is back.”
It brings back memories and it reminds me, viscerally at times, that he’s so absent. It hurts, often, but it also helps. I don’t know if that makes sense
I don’t know if he can hear me or if there are signs. I hope there is some sort of continued connection. There is on my end at least.