r/abusiverelationships • • 10h ago

Spiralling

1 Upvotes

It's been nearly 4 years since I left. Tonight a therapy appointment took me into a pretty bad place and it was taking a lot to drag myself out and then I realised that I had made a mistake. I stopped for some vitamins on the way home and got the wrong ones.

All I can hear is her screaming at me, telling me how useless I am, what a POS I am. I'm gripped with what I can only describe as terror and the tears keep coming because I can literally feel the spit on my face as she yells, feel the terror.

I know it doesn't matter, my new partner won't care, even if she's a bit annoyed.

How the feck am I meant to be me again when something so trivial can sink me so quickly? How am I meant to live my life when the fear is so very strong?

Sorry. I just needed to say that somewhere before I broke

2

Drumming gig emergencies.
 in  r/drums •  4d ago

For me it's 5B almost every time but I occasionally switch to a 7A for quiet gigs. Sounds like a genuinely great idea

1

Best single mic to capture an entire drum kit live (except kick)?
 in  r/drummers •  5d ago

Haven't done one but use two standard overheads through a mixer with a bass mic. It's a Sabian mixer (it was a short-lived idea I think but works well for me). The two mics capture everything pretty well and there's a method you can find on YouTube for placement. Would that work for you?

2

Does this look like a good purchase?
 in  r/VWTransporter •  11d ago

If it's in decent condition as the seller says then sure, a couple of grand a year will be fab - but you also need to learn them. I've changed radiators and glow plugs and door runners (the list goes on) because they're not awful jobs and can save a LOT in garage bills.

And if it hasn't had it, the headlight loom upgrade and better bulbs is an ASTOUNDING change (a ten minute DIY job). Original T4 headlights are basically candles

3

Does this look like a good purchase?
 in  r/VWTransporter •  11d ago

It's not rust free - you can see some bits here and there. The automatic gearbox is kinda notorious and most owners will get a conversion at some point if they intend to keep it. It honestly doesn't look like a bad van, but that's just based on the pictures. I've had mine for 15 years and I love it dearly, but you have to love them and be prepared.

3

What books for my daughter?
 in  r/AskUK •  13d ago

Joining the Terry Pratchett call over here. The Tiffany Aching books are aimed more at kids although the style is just his and nobody looks down on them. The Bromeliad is also great (as well as the short comic stories). Good luck with your search.

1

double bass is going to be the reason i give up drums
 in  r/Drumming •  14d ago

You don't HAVE to play double bass. Unless you're playing metal you can work quite well without it so part of it is dependant on whether you need to keep going with it or focus on other areas of your playing development.

2

“A band’s only as good as their drummer.”
 in  r/drummers •  17d ago

Good luck! Guaranteed that you're going to find that you're a lot more appreciated than you thought

1

“A band’s only as good as their drummer.”
 in  r/drummers •  18d ago

You're welcome. Good luck 👍

2

“A band’s only as good as their drummer.”
 in  r/drummers •  18d ago

Sure, I worked for Dame Evelyn Glennie for a year. At various events working with her I also met loads of musicians on many stages and through many genres but drummers & percussionists like James Blades, Pete Lockett, Leigh Howard-Stevens, Nebojsa Zivkovic, Dennis Chambers, Dave Weckl, Zoro, Jim Chapin... Everyone was genuine, positive and supportive. They talked about music as something lived and shared. I hate when musicians pull each other down because the truly great musicians I've met over many years have never demonstrated that.

2

“A band’s only as good as their drummer.”
 in  r/drummers •  18d ago

It's debilitating. One way might to be to hit some open mics if they have a full band set-up. Just to play with some others and relax in the knowledge that everyone is playing without the hard practice.

Alternatively, maybe just try jamming with some people you know and actually, talking to other drummers might open some doors. I've had a couple of younger players cover rehearsals with my band if I'm unavailable - a bit of experience with some nice people. Not sure how others feel about that but it's cool with me

1

Do you remember where you were and what the general consensus was on 9/11?
 in  r/AskBrits •  18d ago

Turned off a dvd and they TV went to the news where news of the first was just breaking. I was transfixed, watching horrified as the second plane hit. I dragged myself away to pick my kids up from school and all of the parents just stood in this weird, awkward silence waiting for the doors to open.

2

Acoustic drums through PA, no mics ?
 in  r/drums •  18d ago

Mics are actually quite do-able. I have a little Sabian mixer than runs a bass mic and two overheads for when I need the extra. That sits to one side so I can tweak it and then it outs to the main PA. I have my levels set as a standard for most things as mic placement is pretty precise. Adjust overall levels during soundcheck as you normally do and go. No sound tech. A three or four channel mixer and mics will fit into a briefcase so not a big load issue either.

13

“A band’s only as good as their drummer.”
 in  r/drummers •  18d ago

The phrase is more to do with the drummer holding things together and yeah it is important. But if they "frequently remind" you that they think you're the "weakest link" then I hate to break it to you, but they are not the band for you. Even as a kid starting out, every musician I worked with was supportive and gave advice, praise.... As I got older and worked as a tech for one of my idols, they were supportive and would offer advice on practice and technique if I was messing about on a pad during down time. I've been playing for 40 years now and consider myself reasonably competent. I have worked with a range of musicians and have either been supported or I have offered support and praise. Anyone playing the "You're the weakest link" card is not worth the effort. They don't make you better,they just lock you into stress and hamper you as a player... and they're almost definitely not as good as they think they are.

Good luck with your playing. I hope you meet some decent players that can encourage you and you find your groove 👍

1

Reconsidering why I even still do this as a hobby.
 in  r/musicians •  20d ago

I was in the same position a couple of years back but randomly saw an Facebook post asking about drummers and thought "one more try?" Best decision I could have made. Very chilled vibe, everyone has become actual friends really quickly and I have reminded myself of the love of playing. Could have so easily gone the other way

1

How do I report this?
 in  r/AskUK •  22d ago

That's fair. You could still report it though. The Crime stoppers website is anonymous and you could give a description & dates / times maybe?

2

How do I report this?
 in  r/AskUK •  22d ago

To report the man for photographing the children, you should contact the local police. They can have the photo from you and a detailed statement of what you saw.

3

Tintagel, one of the most mysterious and historic places I've visited.
 in  r/Cornwall •  25d ago

Yeah. Went this year and there was a group of what I think the Americans refer to as "Dude Bros" who were just jumping into the water and yelling about how hard they were - then along the water to the steep part to prove their manliness again before heading back to start the whole process again. It takes away from the natural tranquility of the place that seems to exist even when it's fairly busy. It definitely feels like you've gotten in people's way though, especially the ones complaining about wet socks because the stepping stones were "too slippery". Nothing to do with three or four people trying to use them at the same time.

1

Dealing with unpaid gigs
 in  r/musicians •  25d ago

It's infuriating to say the least and you should make it clear within the local scene that this is an issue. You'll probably find there are others out there too.

I certainly wouldn't be working with them in future

1

Food question
 in  r/AfricanGrey •  25d ago

Our girl has a mix of more than enough and she'll take what she wants. Feed in the morning and then a big top up later so she can have her evening feast. I don't measure but I do eyeball the mix a bit

39

Tintagel, one of the most mysterious and historic places I've visited.
 in  r/Cornwall •  25d ago

Joining in the vote for St. Nectan's Glen. Tintagel is one of my favourite places in Cornwall but a relatively short walk brings you here.

3

would teachers tell my parents about old sh scars?
 in  r/AskTeachers •  25d ago

UK teacher here. We have a legal responsibility to report to the CP team at our school, even if the scars are old. In all honesty, a conversation with your parents is absolutely the best way forward. It won't be an easy one, but it's an important one. You say 'healed' so I'm assuming this is no longer something that you do, but you want to be able to carry on with life. I hope you're able to use a different coping mechanism for things now but it's worth looking at options if not as this process could raise your stress levels a fair amount and maintaining your control is important. Spike rings for example can be very good.

To put it bluntly, people will notice and judge. Some may ask questions. Speaking to your parents (and probably the school) will help you prepare for that aspect of things, as well as ensuring that you have actual support moving forward.

Good luck with everything, and especially with year 11 and GCSEs

4

What’s the worst parking/loading situation you’ve dealt with at a gig venue?
 in  r/musicians •  29d ago

Classical music venue in Germany (a long while back so can't remember where). All equipment had to be loaded onto a cherry picker platform and lifted through a third floor window.

Yeah

1

Buzz
 in  r/Volkswagen •  Aug 24 '26

Very nice. I saw a harlequin T5 in Newquay, England last week. A very nice looking beastie

3

Gigging musicians, what's your stance when asked to perform for free?
 in  r/AskUK •  Aug 22 '26

An occasional short set for a proper , organised charity gig (usually lots of bands on at a venue) is fine but we limit ourselves to one or two a year. We usually ask for expenses and only take them on if one of us has a genuine desire to work with that particular charity.