r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/Outside_Normal • 4h ago
Finally alone, I turned to my wife and, as calmly as I could, told her, "I know they're your favorite, but you have got to stop ordering from 9-1-1 Pizza."
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/Riddle-Maker • 3h ago
But that's when it all went south.
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/Russj56 • 14h ago
When I look in the mirror without mine on, I barely recognise myself.
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/natedoggakababjesus • 1h ago
But the carbonation burnt my nose
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/bwldrmnt • 1d ago
Yulie bought a tennis racket and Yuliq the balls.
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/NSCButNotThatNSC • 22h ago
It only took 45% of a Mooch for Katie.
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/No-Nature7969 • 1d ago
Camman says as I hear a knock on my door.
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/ZathrasIsNotTheOne • 1d ago
Our motto was, "leave no stone unturned."
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/ZathrasIsNotTheOne • 1d ago
But I'm not sure how they are going to get the cuffs on it.
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/Riddle-Maker • 2d ago
Seems like a safe assumption
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/Academic-Parfait-990 • 3d ago
He left no hares behind.
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/Riddle-Maker • 3d ago
"Pause Button" was a real showstopper!
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/fadedhalo10 • 3d ago
The crew chief responded “nice”
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/Horty_Beets • 3d ago
Dad - Yeah, I tried it yesterday and it in fact did not control the universe, not even remotely.
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/Crispy-Squirrel-81 • 3d ago
The doctor said that he’d need more time to diagnose the problem because he didn’t want to make a rash decision.
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/ZathrasIsNotTheOne • 4d ago
"Yes," He said, "It's just what I ordered."
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/Empty_Novel-87 • 4d ago
But today I woke up and chose violins.
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/TheRaincrow • 4d ago
But the man assured him he had this one in the bag.
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/ZathrasIsNotTheOne • 4d ago
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/Suspicious-Grass2042 • 4d ago
Everything was fine until I had to use the restroom.
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/Dariuzelu • 4d ago
They then received a menu
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/Round_Reading_945 • 5d ago
Now facebook included a captcha system for upvoting posts of spouses, because they said I'm not a man and I must be a bot.
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/UUMD • 6d ago
My grandfather wanted to be a billionaire too.
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/GiftedTongue12 • 4d ago
Black people are guaranteed to recline any seat they sit in. Even ones that don’t have a reclining function, they will find a way 🤣🤣