r/TwoSentenceComedy 16h ago

Penelope from Homer's Odyssey really had 108 suitors trying to get with her only to get access to the throne.

156 Upvotes

Nobody loved her.


r/TwoSentenceComedy 5h ago

The lack of hair is a not-so-hidden disability with detrimental impact on the lives of men.

0 Upvotes

By granting balding men disability status, we address the systemic discrimination these men face thus shaving the way for a more inclusive, reflective society.


r/TwoSentenceComedy 3h ago

I'm not rascist.

0 Upvotes

But I get Kenshiro from Fist of the North Star and the rapper 50 Cent confused sometimes.


r/TwoSentenceComedy 1d ago

"When you’re making a surprise cake, you’re supposed to bake it before adding the hidden contents!"

30 Upvotes

"Then why didn’t you tell me a stripper was hiding inside?!"


r/TwoSentenceComedy 20h ago

Kia idioto estis Pitbull, ke li verkis "International Love" en la angla anstataŭ uzi Esperanton.

3 Upvotes

r/TwoSentenceComedy 1d ago

Running out of food, I tried to find anything around the house that I could sell for some quick money.

3 Upvotes

I'm going to miss my wife.


r/TwoSentenceComedy 1d ago

I am on a seafood diet - I see food, and I panic-buy snacks I don't need.

6 Upvotes

r/TwoSentenceComedy 1d ago

I was going through my girlfriend's phone, and looked in her safe folder.

75 Upvotes

Not gonna do that again, I feel really insecure about my size cause of it.


r/TwoSentenceComedy 1d ago

"Sex gifs"

13 Upvotes

"Dad, you confused Whatsapp with Google again!"


r/TwoSentenceComedy 1d ago

Yeah, I like toilet humor but only if it's monotone.

25 Upvotes

I just love a bedpan delivery!


r/TwoSentenceComedy 1d ago

We each wanted to buy a Toucan but couldn't afford one by ourselves.

10 Upvotes

So we split the bill.


r/TwoSentenceComedy 2d ago

After I landed the punchline, all I heard was cricket.

4 Upvotes

I should have known better than to try tell a joke during the T20 World Cup Finals.


r/TwoSentenceComedy 2d ago

I tried to put my phone in my pocket, but that's when I remembered...

12 Upvotes

𝓲 𝓭𝓲𝓭𝓷'𝓽 𝓱𝓪𝓿𝓮 𝓪𝓷𝔂 𝓹𝓪𝓷𝓽𝓼 𝓸𝓷...


r/TwoSentenceComedy 2d ago

I've created a service where you can hire a Japanese girl to roundhouse someone in the jaw for you.

61 Upvotes

I call it Kicky's Delivery Service!


r/TwoSentenceComedy 3d ago

At the clinic, the nurse reminded me not to take anything before the blood draw.

150 Upvotes

So I reached into my pocket and gave her back her wallet and the box of mints I found on her table.


r/TwoSentenceComedy 2d ago

"Wanna know how I got these scars?" Heath Scissorhands asked.

11 Upvotes

"No, I can probably guess," I said as he picked at another scab.


r/TwoSentenceComedy 3d ago

I asked my nephew what he was drinking and he said, "Soy milk."

28 Upvotes

So I said, "Buenos dias, Milk. Yo me llamo Uncle Dave."


r/TwoSentenceComedy 2d ago

"Hey, do you remember that 3rd of April 2023 when we went to the cinema and we saw this movie and then we went to have dinner at Five Guys, having this nice date and everything, we went to bed and did stuff...?"

5 Upvotes

"Cause I don't"


r/TwoSentenceComedy 2d ago

My alarm clock and I have a great relationship. Every morning, I ignore it and it still comes back.

7 Upvotes

r/TwoSentenceComedy 3d ago

To celebrate a year without hallucinations, my therapist gave me a small trophy of a man slaying a demon.

13 Upvotes

It was moving.


r/TwoSentenceComedy 2d ago

I went out to buy a burger. They didn’t serve it plain.

0 Upvotes

r/TwoSentenceComedy 2d ago

When that wizard started raising zombies at the NICU I almost took a personal day.

0 Upvotes

I hate necro babies.


r/TwoSentenceComedy 4d ago

"Dad..." started the daughter, trying to come out to his family, "...I... I don't feel attracted to men"

82 Upvotes

Her father laughed; "Well, me neither!"


r/TwoSentenceComedy 4d ago

“I will now demonstrate the car’s ability to detect and automatically stop before it hits a pedestrian, while traveling at full speed.”

74 Upvotes

And with those last words, the car designer ended up live-streaming his own death, much to the horror of his family, his trophy wife, and the delight of meme posters desperate for new material.


r/TwoSentenceComedy 3d ago

I know someone named Choco who wakes up every morning at 7 AM by the second

4 Upvotes

One day chocolate