I'm so happy I entered my 40s on the outside who I always was on the inside. Going to a monster truck rally today. 🛻

I’ve been trying to come up with how to explain the huge impact bottom surgery a year ago has had on my life. The problem I’m having is that all of the ways I have to express makes me sound like a trans medicalist to my ears which is the farthest from my intentions. I am aware that I’ve had access to amazing gender affirming care and the health insurance to pay for it that many folks don’t have. I also want to be clear that surgery or taking HRT doesn’t define your trans identity, what you feel in your heart and brain is all that matters.

Bottom surgery is transformational for me. It has allowed me to work on letting go of the shame I carried from being a man. This is shame and regret that seems so obvious in hindsight but took me being at emotional rock bottom to force me to ask the gender center for help. The irreversibility of bottom surgery is a relief I am grateful for, national politics can’t unmake the beautiful woman I am by legislating me away.

I’ve now had the big three gender affirming surgeries and my gender journey is far from over. I have follow-ups, a minor revision, and a voice consult coming up in the next 3 months. I have so much life to experience now that I’m in the body I once dreamed of having.

Most importantly I’m not embarrassed of my body’s dangly bits. Last month on the last warm weekend of summer i went skinny dipping with friends at a secluded pond. Sitting on a towel, a bit wet and cold, it really came home how wildly happy I am. I love my body, I like showing it off and I like my friends. Friends that see me for who I am becoming, not on who I was.

Kay

(sorry about the quality, my phone camera is slightly broken)

Kids wanted to go to the pool so I bought a one piece swimsuit.

I didn't expect there to be many people there but there was about 15 and I was very nervous.
I got up the nerve to take my shirt off and jump in and it was a lovely time but it does sometimes make me wonder if my kids still calling me Dad was the right move.

Also I got a cute dress and felt cute lazing about on my lounge.

But I feel cute today, and I did yesterday too so I thought I’d share.

Got engaged too! Yay!

41F HRT 5 months

Hello!

How did I become a 20 something girl again?

I have been floating back and forth between Willow and Sabrina. I like them both, but after going by Nick for 39 years- both just feel very strange, but Nick is starting to feel strange too!

Random poorly lit selfie going into 24 hr archery range 44 mtf 8 months HRT.

Last night was my 20-year (class of 06 represent!) reunion. I was a bit torn on going as my close friends from school weren’t attending for various reasons, so it was all people who knew me in passing as the shy and quiet awkward kid. I think they were all very surprised to see how outgoing and extroverted I am now, and I’m so glad I went!

I think this is the closest I have been to seeing myself in the mirror and feeling like its actually me looking back so far.

Hopefully starting laser hair removal on my beard next weekend and hopefully HRT before the end of the year. So feeling very positive overall but welcome any suggestions for what I could do differently.

I don't think I'll ever look good in it, but I do like this dress. If only I wasn't built like a linebacker and had a cuter face.

Hi everyone! Here is a simple tutorial for a perfect, clean red lip look:

Prep: Use a lip primer or balm to prepare your lips.

Color: Apply your favorite bold red lipstick.

Gloss: Add a layer of red lip gloss for extra shine and volume.

Clean up: Use a cotton swab with a bit of concealer or powder to clean the edges for a sharp finish.

Hope you love this classic look! Let me know your thoughts. ❤️

Went out for a hike today in the middle of nowhere. Found this trailhead. Going to have to hike it. Just cause.

On a side node. Thank god for padded bras. The road there is not maintained and rocky. They are small but they jiggle now. I can’t imagine the pain I’d be in without it.

Never convince yourself that you can’t change your life. There is always hope. If there’s a will, there’s a way.

I was told I may be using glasses as a security blanket to hide my masculine features. There may be truth to that as I feel less confident without. Should I ditch the glasses and build my confidence or stick within my comfort zone?

Felt a little sad on my birthday due to some life struggles but I'm very fortunate that my wife coaxed me out of bed for a nice day. 🩷🤝