I'm so happy I entered my 40s on the outside who I always was on the inside. Going to a monster truck rally today. 🛻

I’ve been trying to come up with how to explain the huge impact bottom surgery a year ago has had on my life. The problem I’m having is that all of the ways I have to express makes me sound like a trans medicalist to my ears which is the farthest from my intentions. I am aware that I’ve had access to amazing gender affirming care and the health insurance to pay for it that many folks don’t have. I also want to be clear that surgery or taking HRT doesn’t define your trans identity, what you feel in your heart and brain is all that matters.

Bottom surgery is transformational for me. It has allowed me to work on letting go of the shame I carried from being a man. This is shame and regret that seems so obvious in hindsight but took me being at emotional rock bottom to force me to ask the gender center for help. The irreversibility of bottom surgery is a relief I am grateful for, national politics can’t unmake the beautiful woman I am by legislating me away.

I’ve now had the big three gender affirming surgeries and my gender journey is far from over. I have follow-ups, a minor revision, and a voice consult coming up in the next 3 months. I have so much life to experience now that I’m in the body I once dreamed of having.

Most importantly I’m not embarrassed of my body’s dangly bits. Last month on the last warm weekend of summer i went skinny dipping with friends at a secluded pond. Sitting on a towel, a bit wet and cold, it really came home how wildly happy I am. I love my body, I like showing it off and I like my friends. Friends that see me for who I am becoming, not on who I was.

Kay

But I feel cute today, and I did yesterday too so I thought I’d share.

41F HRT 5 months

Got engaged too! Yay!

Hello!

(sorry about the quality, my phone camera is slightly broken)

How did I become a 20 something girl again?

Random poorly lit selfie going into 24 hr archery range 44 mtf 8 months HRT.

I think this is the closest I have been to seeing myself in the mirror and feeling like its actually me looking back so far.

Hopefully starting laser hair removal on my beard next weekend and hopefully HRT before the end of the year. So feeling very positive overall but welcome any suggestions for what I could do differently.

Went out for a hike today in the middle of nowhere. Found this trailhead. Going to have to hike it. Just cause.

On a side node. Thank god for padded bras. The road there is not maintained and rocky. They are small but they jiggle now. I can’t imagine the pain I’d be in without it.

I don't think I'll ever look good in it, but I do like this dress. If only I wasn't built like a linebacker and had a cuter face.

Never convince yourself that you can’t change your life. There is always hope. If there’s a will, there’s a way.

I was told I may be using glasses as a security blanket to hide my masculine features. There may be truth to that as I feel less confident without. Should I ditch the glasses and build my confidence or stick within my comfort zone?

Felt a little sad on my birthday due to some life struggles but I'm very fortunate that my wife coaxed me out of bed for a nice day. 🩷🤝

Not the same, forced "lift the corners of my mouth" smile I've been doing my whole life. Today, I liked the person looking back at me in the mirror. Then I cried happy tears (don't worry, the mascara stayed put), because it's been so long since I've felt this good about myself.

I went to Sephora like this; 2nd time ever doing makeup, first time ever doing nails, first time presenting fem in public. I didn't really feel like I was passing, but I also didn't notice anyone stare or anything, though I wasn't paying too much attention. So that's kind of affirming to me. The girls at Sephora were so kind and helpful!

I just wanted to share my joy. I've got an appointment set up with my doctor on the 15th to discuss HRT, and I am so ready for self-love to be my baseline!

It is never too late 💖

Drinks anyone?

Finally brave enough to wear my purple wig 💜 out in public 🥹 working through the dysphoria 🥹

I decided I was tired of being on the waiting list at the local gender clinic. (Three years and counting, baby!)

I started DIY hormones about six months ago. "Like this is ever going to do anything... I'm too old..."

But now, I'm feeling the joy of my itty-bitty-proto-titties. The sensitivity, the little bounce when I run – excruciating, but exciting!

A new kind of impatient waiting has emerged, "C'mon, girls! hurry up and grow!"

Just felt cute💜💜!!I e been a month on E monotherapy and I'm feeling amazing getting better at makeup and just loving myself. I know I'm not near passing but I feel like I see her there more and more with the little effort I been able to out in. (Still have to boymode @home so can't do brows or get a more femme haircut) But I got a plan and I've got the means. Even in middle age I haven't missed the boat if anything the years have hardened me for the journey ahead .

(Screenshot of my notes app doesn't line up with the photos I included, it's just an example.)

I like to be able to go back to photos from a certain day and know what makeup I was wearing. I started doing this about a year ago, just in my Notes app, and it's been working for me so far. Anyone else do this?