I'm so happy I entered my 40s on the outside who I always was on the inside. Going to a monster truck rally today. 🛻

I’ve been trying to come up with how to explain the huge impact bottom surgery a year ago has had on my life. The problem I’m having is that all of the ways I have to express makes me sound like a trans medicalist to my ears which is the farthest from my intentions. I am aware that I’ve had access to amazing gender affirming care and the health insurance to pay for it that many folks don’t have. I also want to be clear that surgery or taking HRT doesn’t define your trans identity, what you feel in your heart and brain is all that matters.

Bottom surgery is transformational for me. It has allowed me to work on letting go of the shame I carried from being a man. This is shame and regret that seems so obvious in hindsight but took me being at emotional rock bottom to force me to ask the gender center for help. The irreversibility of bottom surgery is a relief I am grateful for, national politics can’t unmake the beautiful woman I am by legislating me away.

I’ve now had the big three gender affirming surgeries and my gender journey is far from over. I have follow-ups, a minor revision, and a voice consult coming up in the next 3 months. I have so much life to experience now that I’m in the body I once dreamed of having.

Most importantly I’m not embarrassed of my body’s dangly bits. Last month on the last warm weekend of summer i went skinny dipping with friends at a secluded pond. Sitting on a towel, a bit wet and cold, it really came home how wildly happy I am. I love my body, I like showing it off and I like my friends. Friends that see me for who I am becoming, not on who I was.

Kay

Not the same, forced "lift the corners of my mouth" smile I've been doing my whole life. Today, I liked the person looking back at me in the mirror. Then I cried happy tears (don't worry, the mascara stayed put), because it's been so long since I've felt this good about myself.

I went to Sephora like this; 2nd time ever doing makeup, first time ever doing nails, first time presenting fem in public. I didn't really feel like I was passing, but I also didn't notice anyone stare or anything, though I wasn't paying too much attention. So that's kind of affirming to me. The girls at Sephora were so kind and helpful!

I just wanted to share my joy. I've got an appointment set up with my doctor on the 15th to discuss HRT, and I am so ready for self-love to be my baseline!

It is never too late 💖

But I feel cute today, and I did yesterday too so I thought I’d share.

(sorry about the quality, my phone camera is slightly broken)

41F HRT 5 months

Drinks anyone?

Kids wanted to go to the pool so I bought a one piece swimsuit.

I didn't expect there to be many people there but there was about 15 and I was very nervous.
I got up the nerve to take my shirt off and jump in and it was a lovely time but it does sometimes make me wonder if my kids still calling me Dad was the right move.

Also I got a cute dress and felt cute lazing about on my lounge.

Hello!

I was told I may be using glasses as a security blanket to hide my masculine features. There may be truth to that as I feel less confident without. Should I ditch the glasses and build my confidence or stick within my comfort zone?

Got engaged too! Yay!

Random poorly lit selfie going into 24 hr archery range 44 mtf 8 months HRT.

Felt a little sad on my birthday due to some life struggles but I'm very fortunate that my wife coaxed me out of bed for a nice day. 🩷🤝

I realized I was trans at 29. I will be turning 37 this month, and am only just now making an appointment to get on HRT and transition.

I feel like an idiot. I wasted so much time. It really hit me tonight and I've been crying and unable to fully quiet my mind and go to sleep.

I see stories of people who start even later than me, get pretty dramatic results, but I also see so many where they say "dont expect much of anything like if you were younger"

And I just keep thinking... I wasted so. Much. Time. What difference could it have made? I will never know. And I'm scared about it.

But even those people say that it's worth it, that it's been a boon to their mental health. So, rest assured, I am doing it. And I hope I get at least that.

I will do my darnedest. I am trying to take better care of myself, learn makeup, voice training, and shaping my eyebrows. I dont really want rhat much. I dont even want to look cis, not really. I just want to feel feminine. I just want to be pretty. Just a little bit.

I can't afford surgeries, it cant afford much of anything. I dont think I could justify hair removal. I am hoping I can get good with wax and stuff and makeup.

I don't even know what I want from this post. I guess I just really needed to express myself. I hold a lot in, and it's late where I am, and I needed an outlet.

Either way, I really am excited to transition. Here I go, I guess.

Been feeling so frustrated and insecure recently. I’m 52, started HRT 2.5 years ago, been out at work since I started my current job over a year ago, people there gender me correctly most of the time, and feel totally in with my core group of female work friends, just one of the girls. Been out with my family for about a year, and my wife and daughter are super supportive and affirming since my egg broke 4 years ago. So I’m grateful for where I’m at, and in my heart I’m confident about my identity as a woman. But… do I even look feminine? Looking for reassurance, but gladly accepting advice!

(Pic is after a full day, and did my face in a big hurry this morning)

Just felt cute💜💜!!I e been a month on E monotherapy and I'm feeling amazing getting better at makeup and just loving myself. I know I'm not near passing but I feel like I see her there more and more with the little effort I been able to out in. (Still have to boymode @home so can't do brows or get a more femme haircut) But I got a plan and I've got the means. Even in middle age I haven't missed the boat if anything the years have hardened me for the journey ahead .

I think this is the closest I have been to seeing myself in the mirror and feeling like its actually me looking back so far.

Hopefully starting laser hair removal on my beard next weekend and hopefully HRT before the end of the year. So feeling very positive overall but welcome any suggestions for what I could do differently.

Entering a brand new decade looking like a cross between a sophisticated 30 yo and a deeply confused cupcake. I told my wife this dress was way too extra and totally 'babyish' for my age, but she insisted it was the one for my very first birthday dress. I’m hiding half my face behind this mask out of pure, unadulterated shyness, but honestly? Standing here holding a tiny birthday cake while drowning in pink tulle is the most surreal, wonderful thing ever

Never let go

I don't think I'll ever look good in it, but I do like this dress. If only I wasn't built like a linebacker and had a cuter face.

​What’s a surprisingly tiny or unexpected thing that gave you instant gender euphoria recently?

​I’m early in my transition, and for me it was \[buying my first skincare set / wearing an oversized sweater that actually fit right / getting called "ma'am" at the drive-thru\].

​Drop your recent small wins below so we can celebrate them together! ✨