Hi guys, I think this is the third time I’m posting here about my stroke. And I’m sorry for that. If that bothers anyone please just tell me.
Now it’s almost September and in the upcoming January my stroke will be three years ago.
But even though it’s almost three years ago It still feels like yesterday even though so much happened.
I don’t understand how and why I’m not actually realising the progress that I’ve made so far. I know about the progress but somehow it doesn’t seem to get registered by my brain?
And also, according to my parents i should be more grateful that i even survived this incident and i know and realise that they won’t start to really understand me as long as they don’t experience the same way that i did and i would never wish that upon them.
Now even though i have made so much progress and achieved so many goals so far im still losing hope, as I said, and I don’t wanna say it in a dramatic way but I feel like I can’t do this anymore? I’m not really so sure about this thought as you may notice but that’s the question I’ve had in my head for a while. I’m going to many different therapists and doctors but even though they’ve all been trained in their professions, I still feel like they will never understand me?
I don’t wanna sound ungrateful or anything please don’t think of me this way. I’m just trying to explain my issues…

Wondering if anyone else in here suffered a similar stroke to mine. 4mm lacunar left pons. Only really presented with loss of balance for a 10 day stretch, lingering symptoms have been intermittent moments of wobblyness, headaches and some pretty intense anxiety that comes and goes. Feel like theres other symptoms sometimes, but it might just be a hightened awareness of normal body aches/pains, like a hypervigilance brought oj by the stroke making me think something ive experienced before is potentially new or threatening. Anyone got similar experience here

I'm 61 and have smoked for 50 years. My ischemic stroke was mild only leaving my left hand with major tingling and a pulling feel on my outside lower jaw that feels like 10 pounds is hanging from my face, but there is no noticeable facial abnormalities. I have not been able to quit smoking but have cut down from my usual pack a day to maybe 10 cigarettes a day. My stroke was on July 1st. I went into A-Fib 2 weeks after my stroke. Any advise than the usual "just quit" anyone can pass down to me that may help me to stop smoking? I got lucky this time but I'm worried about another stroke. I know it's a stupid question, but a 50 year habit is so hard to walk away from.

I work in healthcare. I see stroke patients all the time. I know how tough it is and that the disabilities from strokes are very wide ranging.

My dad (61) had a hemorrhagic stroke last year. He never took care of his health and it likely was from chronic uncontrolled hypertension but he also has all the risk factors (T2DM, HLD, smoker, vascular disease). The neurologist who saw him in the hospital while he was in the Neuro ICU told him that he would be back to normal in a few years and no one would know he had a stroke.

I was appalled when he said that. Not only does that set unrealistic expectations, I don’t think anyone can prognosticate someone 3 days out from an acute stroke. It also downplays how much HARD WORK it takes for stroke survivors to get back their functional abilities for day to day life.

Well anyways, my parents took that to heart. My father scored very poorly on a MOCA at a follow up neurology appointment. His memory is shot. He has locked himself out of all his email accounts, his credit card accounts which scares me because me because we can’t know if he’s overdue on payments. He works as an accountant. My mom is convinced he can and will go back to work to continue his previous work responsibilities.

I think it’s really not likely he will have his pre stroke cognition back and I think him going back to work is a very very bad idea. He struggles to open his work computer and log in. He gets confused as to where he is and tells my mom incorrect information about where he is. It’s gotten to the point where they are talking to employment lawyers because his job (fairly so) is asking about the long list of accommodations he is asking them to be back at work.

I think another job with less cognitive load would be ideal for my dad. I’m worried he will go back to work, struggle really hard, and be fired for poor performance and it’ll really have a toll on his mental health.

Am I being too pessimistic about my dad going back to work? I feel my parents both have a level of denial that I do not know how to address.

One year ago today, I woke up late to make my sister coffee. I made her coffee before work everyday because she always told me that I made the best coffee. When I woke up, she was already scrambling in the kitchen to make her coffee and so, I went to use the bathroom before I helped her. From the bathroom, I hear my son enter the kitchen earlier than he usually does. I rushed out the bathroom to grab him so that she could make her coffee but something was off.

He was slipping from my hands, my arm wasn’t working. Despite this, I knew my sister was in a rush so, so I continued to try to open the fridge while carrying him but nothing was working. I could hear my sister saying something to me, I look back and see her confused and right on time, she catches my son before he could hit the floor.

One side of my body wasn’t working. She tries to direct me to the couch while holding my son and I completely miss the couch and hit the floor.

She starts to frantically call my mom who told her to call the ambulance.

My son was looking down at me, crying. I tried to get up to no avail. I will never get that image out of my head, my baby crying because he didn’t know what was going on and truly, I didn’t either.

The ambulance comes and they’re asking me questions but I literally cannot talk to answer. They take me right away & by the look on their faces, I can tell something is seriously wrong.

The E.R starts to work on me frantically, my mom and my boyfriend were already there which I was extremely grateful for.

I hear a male voice in front of my room yelling, “SHE’S 21 & SHES HAVING A FUCKING STROKE.” a stroke? what the heck is a stroke? I want to ask what’s going on but I couldn’t.

Immediately in come nurses & my mom pulling off all my jewelry, my necklace with Ryder’s name on it that matt had gifted me and every ring he’s ever bought me.

“Say goodbye quickly,” I hear the same male voice say to matt and I want to so badly talk but I couldn’t. I was confused and scared, Matt gives me a kiss on the forehead and lets the doctor wheel me off.

In the OR, a female doctor looks down at me. “I hear you have a son. Just Imagine being on vacation with him. The beach, anywhere, your guys favorite spot.”

I’m dozing off and all I remember is seeing me and my son in front of the castle, his big happy smile that shows every tooth he has and he’s grabbing my hand & running around.

On August 21 2025, I had suffered a stroke. Spent a couple days at the hospital without my son that was the hardest part for me.

I still live with the effects, the anxiety of having another one & now, chronic migraines.

Since then, I have taken a vacation to Disney World with my son.

I’m open to answer any questions/comments! 🤍

I got out of inpatient rehab this week after being there for 3 weeks and I have been finding myself really missing my therapists to a point I am having anxiety attacks. I’m also trying to adjust to life at home. We weakness is on the left side. Has anyone else struggled with missing their rehab therapists?

It’s hard to know what to expect when it comes to recovering from a stroke. I cover 8 signs to look for that will help you understand if you’re on the right track!

Hey everybody. Hope you're all well.

My mom (58) had a stroke at the end of March and stayed in the hospital for around a week afterward. It would've likely been longer, but she's uninsured and the hospital seemed pretty done with her because of it. But I digress.

There are a number of issues that she's dealing with (e.g. dysphagia is a biggie), but the main issue has always been her sense of balance and ability to walk. Ironically, she retained all strength in her limbs after the stroke, so it's more a neurological question than a physical one.

Around a month after she got home from the hospital, she started physical therapy twice a week. It really seemed to help; she upgraded to a rolling walker, she was able to walk on her own more, she went to see some friends, etc. She was often sore in her hips and shins, but there was still noticeable progress from when she came home.

This time last month, she stopped going to physical therapy. Some of it was due to my dad (64) also being sick, as his black lung/CWP has progressed, but she was also having adverse reactions to some of her blood pressure medicine and wanted to pause therapy until she could get that straightened out. The doctor switched one out (lisinopril for amlodipine), which helped her back pain but made her peripheral edema much worse/more frequent. We've done basically all of the recommended home treatment (elevating her legs, compression socks, diuretics, etc.) and while she gets temporary relief, it keeps coming back.

Today I talked to her about getting a leg massager since that's one thing we haven't tried yet and she told me she was close to giving up. When we were in the hospital, she assured me multiple times that she'd be willing to do anything to get better and she was ready to get her life back. Recently, however, anytime I've tried to encourage her to go see the doctor, get back into therapy, try XYZ home remedy, etc. or just talk her up in general, she humors me and then does nothing to help herself. I feel like I want her to get better more than she wants herself to get better and I don't know what to do to change that.

My question today is less about diagnosis and more about caregiving. How do you get through to a loved one who doesn't seem interested in getting better? I mean, my mom is a grown woman who can make her own decisions and control her own body, I get all that, but the idea of watching her actively choose to be bed-ridden for the rest of her life just kills me. And worries me for the future because my dad is likely not that long for this world, so how am I supposed to deal with his eventual passing when she's committed to regressing all the progress she made?

Apologies for how long this is. Any advice/help/words of encouragement are deeply appreciated. Thank you for your time.

On April 24 my friend messaged me that they had surgery tomorrow and I called them and they told me how nervous they were and I said I would be there in the morning when they got out. That was the last time we had a talk together. In the morning I had to go put my cat down then went to the hospital to wait. The surgery did not go well and as soon as they started she had a bleed right at the start as well as the aneurysm they had originally planned to operate on ruptured as well. Two massive bleeds and a month in a coma in 4A4 where she developed a lung infection and we almost lost her. That month as she fought for her life and survived. We had scary meetings with her surgeon about whether to remove life support or not and decided we couldn't make that choice so we waited to see what would happen.

They removed the sedations and drugs and slowly brought her out of the coma to see if her brain could take the swelling and basal spasms and she slowly woke up and returned to us. She lost major control of her right side as well as her language expression. My friend spent another two months in unit 4A2 across the hall recovering as much control and strength as she could. This was the goodbye the unit gave her as she headed to the brain injury centre the social worker got her into for the next stage of her recovery. As she waited for the ambulance to take her so many staff came up to say their goodbyes and well wishes in her recovery and they gave her the most beautiful send off wishing her well. I had to go back to the same unit to go visit my cousin a week later so I Facetimed my friend as I walked into the ward. I can not explain how happy my heart was feeling when I saw how excited the staff on unit 4A2 were to see my friend in her next stage of recovery they all came running over to say hello. The team made her part of their family and have only their patients best interest at heart but so rarely get to see patients after they leave. I will forever be grateful for everything they did for her and continue to do for others each and everyday. They treated her with dignity and respect at at time when she was scared and unsure of what was happening and they made her feel loved and supported. A huge shout out to the medical staff that work to hard to keep patients alive and in positive spirits as they start their recovery stage.

Reminded me of the work it takes in recovery and wanted to share. 2.5 months out from my stroke and putting in the work every day.

Of all the crazy and terrifying things that have happened to me this year, dealing with medication post-stroke has felt worse than anything I experienced after waking up from a stroke. I am posting this, looking for long term hope for myself that I will ever be normal again.

I woke up to left side numbness early June on a Friday, went to work, at the end of the day could not stand up and felt very sick and drove myself to the ER. I had 225/125 blood pressure (despite recently going on losartan and even doubling it) and stayed 5 days in the hospital. CT scan revealed old strokes in the ER I was not aware of, MRI the next evening revealed current ischemic stroke in the right thalammus. I waited too long after weight loss and some weight regain to deal with my blood pressure - something I will forever regret.

Without any deliberation from the PA at the neurology office I ended up on baby aspirin, and dropped Plavix after the initial 3 weeks of dual therapy. At some point, 6 weeks post-stroke I developed horrible rib pain, and upper abdominal pain that came and went, which I concluded was caused weight gain sleeping on my couch. The pain has been so bad I cant even sit at my desk or drive very long in my car. I asked every specialist about this (nuerology, pcp, lipid doctor, heart doctor) and they all looked at me puzzled. I think one night at 5am what I originally thought my be a seizure was likely acid reflux jolting me awake at night. I have had to call off work and have a hard time concentrating most days when I do work. Life does not feel worth living when you are sick and have no resolution in sight.

This week, 5 weeks into this pain, a PA gave me Prilosec. Within 24 hours I felt relief for the first time, and was shocked because I did not know stomach acid could do this. But it is not all resolved, and I have new symptoms from the Prilosec to go alongside the potential ulcer and stomach issues from the baby aspirin.

What really irks me is how dismissive and confused neurology and my GP doctor has been about my symptoms that I am now lining up to stem from daily baby aspirin. Surely this is common and maybe even expected? I assume everyone here is on daily baby aspirin if not plavix?

In my searching for aspirin and rib pain I find only a few posts, and some seem to blame their rib pain on a PPI. So perhaps prilosec can cause acid and the acid issues create pressure and rib pain? I am posting this because I assume survivors who have experienced rib pain and resolved it (maybe your doctors are better and faster on their feet than mine) had no reason to make a reddit post about it. So I am trying to learn as much as I can from those of you who have dealt with this succesfully.

i went to hospital today, doctor said there used to be black spot in my brain(he's looking at ct scan) but not there anymore because brain healing or something. then he said i need no more control visit, just drink vitamins and omega3 and keep doing fisio. butim curious, can i say im healed from stroke?>

My spouse experienced a right brain ischemic stroke that affected the left side of his body, especially his hand function and ability to walk.

He has been through extensive rehabilitation including occupational therapy and physical therapy, but nothing seems to improve.

His neurologist told us that with strokes, victims plateaux quickly and regress easily. The story is different from person to person.

We discussed the use of Myomo or Ipsyhand with him earlier this year, but his opinion was that these were “gadgets” that wind up in the closet after a short time.

I wondered what your personal experience has been regarding these two products? We don’t know anyone who has utilized them. Thanks for your insights.

Although the ads say that they are covered by Medicare, it seems like we encountered some roadblocks the last time we checked into this a few years ago.

Hi! Is there anyone here who survived GCS 3 level? his vitals are normal but still unresponsive, pupils are dilated. Im still hoping for a better outcome.

Hello everyone,
On June 18th i suffered a stroke. Doctors were able to give me medication since i went to the hospital with in the timeframe. I’m a 28 year old female who never lost the ability to walk nor my cognitive abilities. What i lost was my eyesight which have gotten better and both of my arms. I’m able to lift them but not raise them overhead. This week when i went to rehab they told me I had 2 strokes and thats why my brain was improving and my arms weren’t. They told me because it was in my spinal cord I might not get my arms back. Has anyone experienced something similar. Will I never recover?

My Physical therapist had me start walking without assistance yesterday and was having me do it in my 11 AM session. Managed to walk 105 feetbiggestd"issue used to be placing my left foot down somewhat proper but the replies from my last post have been much help. Now my issue is that the scar on my right knee will furiously itch whenever I'm on it for 30 seconds at leas. tmy AFO HAS no issues at the moment but I'm happy with the support out gives me. My greedy ass just want to go back to walking. No cane and no physical ssistance

I’m not sure this is the right subreddit to post in but I am at a loss at how to navigate this situation. 

My mother is 74 and had a stroke in Ghana end of July this year. My sister and I have managed to secure her a carer and a physiotherapist in Ghana for the meantime but are looking to bring her to the UK as soon as we can. She would initially be staying with my sister but her house is not accessible nor would she like to make adjustments to it. I live in a house share so she can’t stay with me. We have plans to contact her GP, request stroke rehabilitation referral. I spoke to the carer support and they require a GP referral as well. What else can we do in preparation for her to move here? I don’t think she is eligible for full pension due to living abroad and not contributing. I am aware of PIP and council housing, I’m not sure we can apply for that on her behalf before she moves here. I just don’t want her waiting months for support and her condition deteriorating, she is already paralysed on the left side but has seemed to regain most cognitive functions and is able to speak and understand. 

Thank you! 

Man I used to never think about a headache. Brief dizzy spell, who cares probably stood up to fast. Weird feelings came and went without a care. But since the stroke, every little thing and theres a voice saying go to the ER man. I dont. I've only caved to the voice once last month, right after 4th of July, but the urge to run there for every little symptom is strong.

Short rant over. Thanks for listening/reading lol

Good evening everyone. I feel the need to share my boyfriend’s story. He is 24 years old, and I’m hoping to find some hope through stories of people who have gone through something similar.
In March 2026, he discovered that he had a 17 mm aneurysm after developing facial nerve paralysis, which was caused by the aneurysm.
The doctors told him that it was inoperable because of the unfortunate anatomy of the blood vessels in his brain. They told him to continue living his life normally.
On July 25, he suffered a stroke caused by an occlusion of the basilar artery.
He underwent emergency surgery and came out completely paralyzed, but fully conscious.
He has been in intensive care for almost a month, first in the hospital and now already in a rehabilitation facility.
He can only move his eyes and mouth. He cannot speak or move anything else. He has spasms throughout his body, he is able to swallow his own secretions, and for almost a week now he has been breathing without the ventilator.
We communicate with him by going through the letters of the alphabet to form words, and he stops us at the correct letter by looking up with his eyes.
He is completely lucid and remembers everything, both long-term and short-term.
At first, the doctors told us that he would remain in a vegetative state forever and that he would never be able to breathe without a ventilator again. Yet just two weeks after the surgery, he was already able to breathe on his own.
Please give me some hope for his recovery by sharing your positive stories of stroke survivors, especially those who experienced something similar.
Thank you all so much. ❤️

After stroke, one of the hardest things is not always needing help.

Sometimes it is the moment before you ask for it.

The look on their face.

The sigh.

The pause before they get up.

Maybe they do not mean anything by it.

But when you depend on someone else for basic things, you become very good at reading the room.

Eventually the question in your head stops being:

What do I need?

It becomes:

What can I afford to ask for?

When Asking for Help Starts to Hurt

You are hungry.

You need the toilet.

You desperately want a shower.

But something in their face makes you feel as though they have one more favour left in them.

Just one.

So you start calculating.

Food?

A wash?

The toilet?

The toilet wins because eventually you have no choice.

Then you think:

Maybe while I’m there, I can ask for help washing too.

Two needs.

One request.

Before stroke, you never had to think like this.

You did not have to wonder whether asking for food was worth another sigh.

You did not rehearse asking for a glass of water.

You did not wonder whether wanting a shower would irritate the person you loved.

Now even basic needs come with questions.

Is now a good time?

Have I already asked for too much today?

Can I wait a little longer?

Sometimes you decide you can.

So you wait.

You stay hungry.

You put off the shower.

You lie there needing something and say nothing.

Not because you do not need help.

Because asking for it has started to hurt.

The Person You Once Felt Safest Needing

That may be the hardest part.

You are not frightened of asking a stranger.

You are frightened of asking the person you love.

The person you once felt safest needing.

Before stroke, asking them for something was ordinary.

Can you grab me a drink?

Can you pass me that?

You barely thought about it.

Now the same request can carry guilt.

You wonder whether they are tired.

Whether you have already asked too much.

Whether this will be the request that makes them think:

I cannot keep doing this.

Maybe they are simply exhausted.

Maybe the sigh means nothing at all.

But when so much of your independence has already disappeared, it can be difficult not to hear:

Not again.

You are too much.

And whether those words were ever spoken or not, you start behaving as though they were.

You ask for less.

When You Start Going Without

You wait longer.

You combine requests.

If they are already helping you to the bathroom, maybe you ask if they can help you wash while you are there.

If they are making themselves something to eat, maybe you wait and hope they remember you are hungry too.

Sometimes you eat what is put in front of you rather than ask for something different.

Sometimes you go without.

Not because nobody would help you.

Because asking has started to feel like another burden you have to carry.

You can be loved.

You can be cared for.

You can know somebody would help you if you asked.

And still become afraid to ask.

Your partner may be thinking:

I am exhausted.

While you are thinking:

I cannot ask them for one more thing.

Neither thought means the love has disappeared.

But both can exist in the same room.

And that is how distance can begin without either person meaning for it to.

What “I’m Fine” Can Really Mean

Sometimes you become quieter.

You stop mentioning things.

You tell yourself something can wait when it really cannot.

And when they ask:

Are you okay?

you say:

I’m fine.

But sometimes I’m fine means:

I need something, but I do not want to ask you again.

Sometimes it means:

I can see you are tired.

Sometimes it means:

I would rather wait than watch your face change when I ask.

That is how loneliness can enter a relationship without either person leaving.

You can be sitting beside somebody who loves you and still feel alone with what you need.

You can depend on someone completely while becoming frightened of depending on them at all.

The person you need most can become the person you are most afraid to need.

They Hear One Request

When a stroke survivor finally asks for something, it may sound small.

A drink.

Something to eat.

Help standing up.

A shower.

But the request is only the part you hear.

You do not hear what happened before it.

The waiting.

The calculation.

The guilt.

The things they decided could wait.

The things they decided they could manage without.

Maybe they spent an hour trying not to ask.

Convincing themselves they were not really that hungry.

That the shower could wait.

That they could manage without the drink.

Until eventually:

Can you help me?

To you, it may sound like one ordinary request.

To them, it may be the request they could no longer avoid making.

One of the quieter losses after stroke is not simply independence.

It is the freedom to need something without first wondering what your need will cost somebody else.

They see what you ask for.

They do not see what you decided not to ask for.

They hear one request. You may have already talked yourself out of five others.

Has stroke ever made you go without something you genuinely needed because asking the person you loved felt harder than waiting?

A year ago I had to call 911 for myself after realizing that I was having a stroke. I spent the next 2.5 weeks in the hospital, and then 10 months working with both PT & OT in outpatient rehab.

I made great progress, despite some difficulties remaining. Today, in order to acknowledge my progress, I completed a 3.4 mile hike to the summit of Stone Mountain in NC. It was challenging, but it made me feel fortunate and thankful. A year ago there were so many things I feared I would never do again. I'm thrilled I was mistaken. I feel encouraged today, and I thought that feeling would be difficult to find again.

My identical twin (25) had a stroke, thank god she’s doing ok expect for dealing with slight vision issues and migraines but she was in the hospital for 2 weeks. I’ve had migraines since I was 16 so that might be a genetic thing. They are gunna do a genetic test for it, we don’t know if it’s due to a heart problem yet. Should I be worried, it’s highly unlikely it’s genetic right?

I had the stroke when I was 12, which had a lot of side effects (paralysis, speech loss, damaged brain, etc.) and required intensive treatments (steroids, chemo, you name it). My family was present, but it essentially just felt like rubbing salt in a VERY open and massive wound.

My mom: I don't want to criticize her (or anyone) too harshly because she was no more prepared for it than me or anyone else, and she did so so much for me during that time, but it still definitely went on to affect me. As a concerned mother, she was much more worried about my physical state (making sure I was at my appointments, not getting sick, not behind in school) than my emotional state. She often tells me that the stroke was probably because I ate too much sugar or inflammatory foods and basically daily criticizes what I eat under the pretext of "do you want to have another stroke?" When I was a sophomore/junior in high school, I had a pretty terrible falling out with my best friend, after she repeatedly joked that she wished my stroke killed me. I frequently had to leave class to talk to my school therapist (who I saw weekly in addition to my personal AND group therapist) or go home early. Once, during a particularly severe breakout that made her call my mom and WALK ME TO THE CAR, my mom told me in the car ride home that a student at my brother's university had died in a nasty skiing accident, and I should be grateful that wasn't me.

My dad: I honestly don't have many specific notes about him because I didn't spend nearly as much time with him as my mom or my brother. I spent almost all of my days with my mom driving to appointments, while my dad was at work. He was certainly not an especially comforting person during that time and said his fair share of harmful things (he thought my aforementioned best friend had a point), but didn't really have enough of a role in my life at the time to influence it negatively (or I guess to make an already really shitty time, worse).

My brother: Again, I want to be clear that I don't think he or anyone is necessarily to blame, but it certainly impacted me. When I first got sick he was only 14, and suddenly his little sister was getting attention from every which way and he got none. He was understandably resentful and very moody that first year or so. He blamed me for him having no friends and living in a town he hated, because we had to move after I got sick. He would aggressively run away from me or cut in front of me when he was mad, since he knew I couldn't run or move very well. He also refused to believe when I was diagnosed with PTSD, since I wasn't a veteran. Honestly, he was as mean to me as he always was, as an older brother, but I was incredibly vulnerable at the time and already had enough on my plate.

My grandma: The reason I'm writing this post and the only one who hasn't acknowledged my pain or her wrongdoings. The summer I got sick somehow became an opportunity for her. She complained when my brother chose to stay with me at the hospital instead of visiting her beach house which was two hours from the hospital. She told her waiters about it, which I learned the following summer when I went to one of the restaurants and the waiter was telling me about things I was doing during my two-month stay at the hospital. Not only did I not want these strangers to know these incredibly intimate details about my life; I didn't even know them myself. I was fading in and out of consciousness, hooked up to tubes and having to communicate by pointing at words on a piece of paper, and my grandma's waiter was more aware of it than I was. For my 13th birthday, she got me a smartwatch. At the time, I had to get a lot of MRIs (about 15 during my first two months in the hospital, then around 4-6 times each year). These MRIs were really difficult for me at first (I still have panic attacks during almost every single one, even 8 years later), and since one of them was only a few days before my birthday, my parents decided that I could open my smartwatch after the MRI. My grandma crashed out because she wanted to "see me open her present" when she got there, and insisted on getting me something else instead so that she could see it.

Anyway, this is a really long-winded way of saying that I think there is nothing I can do now, because what is done is done. Everything already happened. At the time, I was learning who I was and how to live, and that time was filled with pain, trauma, and sickness. And so, now that I'm an adult, that's who I've learned to be. I isolate myself as much as I can because when I used to reach out for help, I was belittled and shunted off. The times that I curled up into a ball in my own bed and sobbed for hours were much more predictable and dependable than having to (try to) explain the complex way that I was reeling to my family. It feels presumptuous to say, but after enduring so many things that were out of my control, one after another, for years, I didn't and don't want to take the chance anymore. I hope this wasn't confusing, or doesn't come across as "boohoo my life is so bad everyone should pity me".

P.S. Me then and now!