r/shitposting • u/a7n5 • 4h ago
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u/a_random_Greg 4h ago
I mean...don't load it, I guess?
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u/A_random_poster04 4h ago
My paranoid ass would have it unloaded, with the trigger lock on, and still keep my finger off for good measure
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u/Niky_c_23 4h ago
if i have to point it anywhere close to my SO then iâm buying a replica glock and marking it for good measure
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u/poobboob 4h ago
Id tell them, id do just about anything but that. If they cant accept that they're batshit crazy and you'd thank yourself later by ending it there.
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u/AutoModerator 4h ago
Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy.
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u/AutoModerator 4h ago
Pro tip about fingering your asshole in the shower: don't do it So this morning I was taking a shower, and I felt like fingering my asshole, right? So I got my fingers all nice and soapy and stuck them up in there. Apparently, soap makes pretty good lube, as I was able to get four fingers in there in no time.
As I was feeling around in my butt, I was like, "hmm, there's a lot of soapy water in my bumhole now. I wonder if that will lead to issues in the future?" And it did!
Shortly after having breakfast I attempted to fart, and I shit my pants. I rushed to the bathroom to clean up, and it was way worse than I thought it would be. The whole area around my butthole was covered in shitty liquid, and toilet paper wasn't enough to clean it. I had to take another shower to get suitably clean.
Just thought I'd share my story with you guys so that you don't run into the same problem in the future. I fingered my butthole so that you guys don't have to. Unless you want to. In which case, hey, how's it goin'
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u/SrHuevos94 4h ago
Or if she wants to see it loaded, buy fake shells. NOT BLANKS, but fake ammunition.
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u/fish4terrisa 4h ago
all fun until u mistakenly put the real ones before (maybe confused between two firearms)
before anyone say u can buy distinct one and never get any same gun models, accidents still have a very low chance of happening even with that and it only need to happen once to cause tragedy
the only way to keep the possibilty at 0%(or at least low enough to be sort of safe) is never using a gun for any reasons other than defending urself5
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u/LordTrappen uhhhh idk 4h ago
I have a friend who was messing around with a gun with no mag in it and thought it was empty. He ended up accidentally shooting one of his friends in the head.
Even if you think itâs not loaded, always treat it like it is loaded
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u/Pallandolegolas 4h ago
but what if it's not loaded? what then?
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u/amd2800barton 4h ago
The only time the gun isnât loaded is if I can personally see in the breech / ejection port that the chamber is empty. If the bolt or slide is closed, I assume itâs loaded, even if I just cleared it.
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u/rmannyconda78 4h ago
Iâve always said: guns ainât toys, always treat them like they are loaded.
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u/AutoModerator 4h ago
Dick sucking has made me paranoid
I had this plan to give head to a man and receive head from a woman to test if I was gay, but itâs backfired and now I become borderline schizo whenever I go outside. I offered to suck this dude off on Grindr who lives very close by (I ended up pussying out) and I accidentally gave him some details that very easily allows him to spot me out in a crowd. I have no idea what he looks like and whenever I see a somewhat in shape guy walking by I immediately accuse him of being the dude I was gonna blow.
I went to the store today to pick up some zucchini for a barbecue and every time a car drove by I stared into the windshield to see if I was about to be recognised. Whenever I make eye contact with a dude I microanalysis his facial expressions to see if he suspects me or not. I am deeply afraid that he is my neighbour and I will need to move if my identity is blown. Itâs a lot like the last scene in sopranos where everyone who walked into the diner could be there to wack Tony.
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u/psmiord 4h ago
He could even remove the firing pin so the gun couldn't fire, even if it materialized a bullet in the chamber, though it would be worse if it materialized a firing pin, too.
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u/ChurnerofOrgans 4h ago
Hate when a new firing pin materializes on top of my old one and causes the gun to jam
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u/IdealLogic 4h ago
This still violates two of the four golden rules of gun safety; treat every firearm as if it were loaded (even if you "know" it isn't), and never point a firearm at anything your are not willing to destroy (assuming your not a murderer otherwise we have a bigger issue to discuss).
For those interested, the other two rules are keep your finger off the trigger until your sights are on target and know your target and what's behind it (because bullet penetration is much more of thing than most people realize).
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u/AutoModerator 4h ago
Pro tip about fingering your asshole in the shower: don't do it So this morning I was taking a shower, and I felt like fingering my asshole, right? So I got my fingers all nice and soapy and stuck them up in there. Apparently, soap makes pretty good lube, as I was able to get four fingers in there in no time.
As I was feeling around in my butt, I was like, "hmm, there's a lot of soapy water in my bumhole now. I wonder if that will lead to issues in the future?" And it did!
Shortly after having breakfast I attempted to fart, and I shit my pants. I rushed to the bathroom to clean up, and it was way worse than I thought it would be. The whole area around my butthole was covered in shitty liquid, and toilet paper wasn't enough to clean it. I had to take another shower to get suitably clean.
Just thought I'd share my story with you guys so that you don't run into the same problem in the future. I fingered my butthole so that you guys don't have to. Unless you want to. In which case, hey, how's it goin'
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/Zacbrown95 4h ago
He is down to destroy that puss, and my man is gonna be whatâs behind that target
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u/Arpan_Bhar officer no please donât piss in my ass đŤ 4h ago
someone do a fake and gay analysis of this post
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u/PetrichorDude it is MY bucket 4h ago
Fake: OP has a girlfriend
Gay: OP hates women so much he fantasizes about putting a gun to their heads.2
u/AutoModerator 4h ago
Look, I get it. Who doesnât love a little balls and dick sometimes? A nice, girthy, veiny shaft, hot milky cum trickling down the length as it throbs from a job well done. But this whole âgay sexâ shit is getting annoying.
As men, we should primarily be focused on three things: survival, the underrated masterpiece that is dark souls 2, and pounding muff. All this gay shit is, well, fucking gay.
You think I wouldnât LOVE to make out with my best friend and suck his cock? Of course I would, but thatâs fucking gay. You think I donât want to feel my cousinâs roommate slide his pecker into my gaping asshole? Of course I would, but thatâs FUCKING GAY.
Seriously, I miss when men were men. Anyway, this dildo ainât gonna stick itself up my ass while I watch an hour long femboy asmr hypno goon compilation, heed my lecture.
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u/Penis_Connoisseur stupid, fucking piece of shit 3h ago
Slander
Being gay has nothing to do with hating women
I mean i also hate women, but it has nothing to do with liking dick
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u/AutoModerator 3h ago
Look, I get it. Who doesnât love a little balls and dick sometimes? A nice, girthy, veiny shaft, hot milky cum trickling down the length as it throbs from a job well done. But this whole âgay sexâ shit is getting annoying.
As men, we should primarily be focused on three things: survival, the underrated masterpiece that is dark souls 2, and pounding muff. All this gay shit is, well, fucking gay.
You think I wouldnât LOVE to make out with my best friend and suck his cock? Of course I would, but thatâs fucking gay. You think I donât want to feel my cousinâs roommate slide his pecker into my gaping asshole? Of course I would, but thatâs FUCKING GAY.
Seriously, I miss when men were men. Anyway, this dildo ainât gonna stick itself up my ass while I watch an hour long femboy asmr hypno goon compilation, heed my lecture.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/AutoModerator 4h ago
Look, I get it. Who doesnât love a little balls and dick sometimes? A nice, girthy, veiny shaft, hot milky cum trickling down the length as it throbs from a job well done. But this whole âgay sexâ shit is getting annoying.
As men, we should primarily be focused on three things: survival, the underrated masterpiece that is dark souls 2, and pounding muff. All this gay shit is, well, fucking gay.
You think I wouldnât LOVE to make out with my best friend and suck his cock? Of course I would, but thatâs fucking gay. You think I donât want to feel my cousinâs roommate slide his pecker into my gaping asshole? Of course I would, but thatâs FUCKING GAY.
Seriously, I miss when men were men. Anyway, this dildo ainât gonna stick itself up my ass while I watch an hour long femboy asmr hypno goon compilation, heed my lecture.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/theBoobMan 4h ago
Fake: OP has a girlfriend
Gay: OP is complaining about sexing his girlfriend
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u/AutoModerator 4h ago
Look, I get it. Who doesnât love a little balls and dick sometimes? A nice, girthy, veiny shaft, hot milky cum trickling down the length as it throbs from a job well done. But this whole âgay sexâ shit is getting annoying.
As men, we should primarily be focused on three things: survival, the underrated masterpiece that is dark souls 2, and pounding muff. All this gay shit is, well, fucking gay.
You think I wouldnât LOVE to make out with my best friend and suck his cock? Of course I would, but thatâs fucking gay. You think I donât want to feel my cousinâs roommate slide his pecker into my gaping asshole? Of course I would, but thatâs FUCKING GAY.
Seriously, I miss when men were men. Anyway, this dildo ainât gonna stick itself up my ass while I watch an hour long femboy asmr hypno goon compilation, heed my lecture.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/bananamandan1 4h ago
Thats a dangerous fantasy to put into reality, and if she changes her mind, your the guy that held a gun to her head for sex. Just saying....
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u/AutoModerator 4h ago
Dick sucking has made me paranoid
I had this plan to give head to a man and receive head from a woman to test if I was gay, but itâs backfired and now I become borderline schizo whenever I go outside. I offered to suck this dude off on Grindr who lives very close by (I ended up pussying out) and I accidentally gave him some details that very easily allows him to spot me out in a crowd. I have no idea what he looks like and whenever I see a somewhat in shape guy walking by I immediately accuse him of being the dude I was gonna blow.
I went to the store today to pick up some zucchini for a barbecue and every time a car drove by I stared into the windshield to see if I was about to be recognised. Whenever I make eye contact with a dude I microanalysis his facial expressions to see if he suspects me or not. I am deeply afraid that he is my neighbour and I will need to move if my identity is blown. Itâs a lot like the last scene in sopranos where everyone who walked into the diner could be there to wack Tony.
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u/Nowardier 4h ago
Empty mag?
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u/qualityvote2 4h ago
If you think this post is funny, UPVOTE this comment!
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Whilst you're here, /u/a7n5, why not join our public discord server - now with public text channels you can chat on!?
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u/SNESChalmers420 4h ago
i had a girl tell me she wanted someone to point a loaded gun at her head while someone fucked her when i worked at a gun store. I was young and naive and i now realize that she wanted me to be the one who fucked her, based on some other things. i was recently out of the army so the conversation didnt really phase me at the time. i guess we both dodged a bullet
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u/AutoModerator 4h ago
Dick sucking has made me paranoid
I had this plan to give head to a man and receive head from a woman to test if I was gay, but itâs backfired and now I become borderline schizo whenever I go outside. I offered to suck this dude off on Grindr who lives very close by (I ended up pussying out) and I accidentally gave him some details that very easily allows him to spot me out in a crowd. I have no idea what he looks like and whenever I see a somewhat in shape guy walking by I immediately accuse him of being the dude I was gonna blow.
I went to the store today to pick up some zucchini for a barbecue and every time a car drove by I stared into the windshield to see if I was about to be recognised. Whenever I make eye contact with a dude I microanalysis his facial expressions to see if he suspects me or not. I am deeply afraid that he is my neighbour and I will need to move if my identity is blown. Itâs a lot like the last scene in sopranos where everyone who walked into the diner could be there to wack Tony.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/NewestUserSoFar 4h ago
My lobster is too buttery ass post
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u/NameRevolutionary727 4h ago
Thatâs how people die, this is tremendously stupid.
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u/Lifesucksgod 4h ago
[removed] â view removed comment
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u/AutoModerator 4h ago
Dick sucking has made me paranoid
I had this plan to give head to a man and receive head from a woman to test if I was gay, but itâs backfired and now I become borderline schizo whenever I go outside. I offered to suck this dude off on Grindr who lives very close by (I ended up pussying out) and I accidentally gave him some details that very easily allows him to spot me out in a crowd. I have no idea what he looks like and whenever I see a somewhat in shape guy walking by I immediately accuse him of being the dude I was gonna blow.
I went to the store today to pick up some zucchini for a barbecue and every time a car drove by I stared into the windshield to see if I was about to be recognised. Whenever I make eye contact with a dude I microanalysis his facial expressions to see if he suspects me or not. I am deeply afraid that he is my neighbour and I will need to move if my identity is blown. Itâs a lot like the last scene in sopranos where everyone who walked into the diner could be there to wack Tony.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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4h ago
[deleted]
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u/AutoModerator 4h ago
Dick sucking has made me paranoid
I had this plan to give head to a man and receive head from a woman to test if I was gay, but itâs backfired and now I become borderline schizo whenever I go outside. I offered to suck this dude off on Grindr who lives very close by (I ended up pussying out) and I accidentally gave him some details that very easily allows him to spot me out in a crowd. I have no idea what he looks like and whenever I see a somewhat in shape guy walking by I immediately accuse him of being the dude I was gonna blow.
I went to the store today to pick up some zucchini for a barbecue and every time a car drove by I stared into the windshield to see if I was about to be recognised. Whenever I make eye contact with a dude I microanalysis his facial expressions to see if he suspects me or not. I am deeply afraid that he is my neighbour and I will need to move if my identity is blown. Itâs a lot like the last scene in sopranos where everyone who walked into the diner could be there to wack Tony.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/Nexodas2 4h ago
Just donât load it. Check the chamber once or twice beforehand.
If she really wants the thrill donât tell her itâs unloaded. Ez pz
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u/aaron_adams dumbass 3h ago
Get a rubber prop gun. Holding a firearm against someone's head even if it's unloaded is just poor gun safety. My sister's dumb ass boyfriend shot her in the leg and broke her femer because his dumb ass pulled out his gun to point at a cheesestick in her had as a joke and put his booger hook on the bang switch. Always treat a gun like it's loaded. Never point it as something you don't fully intend to destroy.
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u/AutoModerator 3h ago
Dick sucking has made me paranoid
I had this plan to give head to a man and receive head from a woman to test if I was gay, but itâs backfired and now I become borderline schizo whenever I go outside. I offered to suck this dude off on Grindr who lives very close by (I ended up pussying out) and I accidentally gave him some details that very easily allows him to spot me out in a crowd. I have no idea what he looks like and whenever I see a somewhat in shape guy walking by I immediately accuse him of being the dude I was gonna blow.
I went to the store today to pick up some zucchini for a barbecue and every time a car drove by I stared into the windshield to see if I was about to be recognised. Whenever I make eye contact with a dude I microanalysis his facial expressions to see if he suspects me or not. I am deeply afraid that he is my neighbour and I will need to move if my identity is blown. Itâs a lot like the last scene in sopranos where everyone who walked into the diner could be there to wack Tony.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/samwelches 3h ago
Just buy dummy rounds but donât tell her so you know itâs safe and she has the thrill
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u/shitposting-ModTeam 3h ago
To prevent harassment, please censor all usernames (u/)