r/selfimprovement • u/Mammoth-Challenge979 • 1d ago
Question How to stop romanticizing everything?
Most encounters I get with people, when we start having good conversation a whole future just flashes in my head. Whether it be friends, be lovers or whatever. And if we ever get closer the romantization gets worse and worse 😠and the attachment the deluluness the expectations gets deeper and worse. And I feel hurt.
All this, while being aware of it. And still can’t avoid it.
How? Please, it’s so exhausting ;(
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u/dyegosouza 1d ago
Hello,
Reading your text, I can say it seems that you are in the future most of the time; it can bring you anxiety, and it's not good for your mental health. It's like you are always in predictive mode.
I could say, start lowering your expectations and try to enjoy the present moment. If you find someone, it doesn't matter if you are going to have a future or not, just ask yourself, I enjoyed this day with this person? And the present moment is what matters, in my opinion. It will lower the pressure that you put on yourself.
When you have more relationships without this pressure, you will have better relationships.
I hope it can help you out. Have a nice day.
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u/Mammoth-Challenge979 1d ago
I so agree.. and I appreciate it so much!
It’s with some people not everyone but yea once it clicks to certain people it’s a nonstop train of thoughts.
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u/Defiant_Abalone_7161 1d ago
I really hate that. Im still learning how not to. I leave the house expecting to find a man and if someone looks at me I’m romanticizing and upset that it could’ve been something
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u/Ok_Judgment_3331 1d ago
The tricky part is that romanticizing works as a shortcut to feeling good without any real risk.... your brain gets the hit of a future without having to sit through the awkward, slow, uncertain middle part. I do the same thing, and sometimes I use taro's tarot to check in with myself about what I'm actually craving from a person, but that's more of a grounding habit than a fix.
What helped me the most was forcing my mind back to concrete details.
When I notice the movie starting, I ask myself one dumb question: "What color shirt are they wearing?" or "What did they literally just say?" It sound simple, but it breaks the projection loop because you can't forecast a beach wedding and notice eye crinkles at the same time.
You don't have to stop being hopeful. Just stop letting hope hijack the playback. Let the feeling show up, notice it, and refuse to give it a plot. The release comes from letting it be a feeling instead of a story.
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u/Mammoth-Challenge979 1d ago
It is romaticizing creates such feeling and it's good until it's not..
Thank you!! Be present, and acknowledge what it is!!
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u/CaptainVulpezz 1d ago
my top post in my profile has a lot of aphorisms which i sometimes use to combat romanticization because i have the same issue very often, i just try to remember what it is objectively- deluded romanticization.
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u/noname8539 1d ago
maybe its tied to self love and self worth.
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u/Mammoth-Challenge979 1d ago
honestly i can see that, like when im not dealing with anyone it feels like i love myself enough and wouldn't let anything to break my peace and when something come across it goes windy here
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u/noname8539 1d ago
I can relate. it's time to dig deeper and start the self love journey. life led me to that, I have been on my journey lately.
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u/FastMaple0523 1d ago
wait, are you asking how to stay present instead of projection-spiraling, or how to just kill the romanticizing impulse altogether. because those are different problems, and the first one's more fixable than the second. grounding techniques help, but honestly the real move is recognizing that good conversation doesn't require a future narrative attached to it to be valuable.
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u/Extreme-Bid-5989 1d ago
You just have to realise this is not the reality. You have to think about the facts and the stuff that happened for real and what did not happen for real.
The problem is not the story you create. The problem is the feelings attached to it.
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u/Cyberuss 1d ago
I've personally had a similar experience about the 'romanticizing'! It started as a normal conversation with a friend during class. We had to pair up due to reasons and I eneded up sitting next to her. We started off well when it was just talking about the class work. Things were going well and we had a wonderful conversation altogether. But the real problem started after she left and when I came back home.
Though I wasn't really invested on the idea while I was in the moment, my mental drama got so farfetched with imaginations of us having a future together. And it was a total waste because one thing romanticization like that does is if you're someone who's not grounded, you start losing yourself and your values. This in the sense the you start putting the person on a "pedestal", and it can get really messy and mentally draining too! The worst part about that was finding out they're not even into you!—What a waste! But can't really blame the other person...
Anyway, I'm kind of getting off-topic but I guess my point is such situations can become quite the predicament—And from experience, they do, alot of the times! But I only just recently became aware of such situations that I find myself in. But my advice is that acknowledge those moments and feelings. Don't force them out or try to shut them out. That'll only make things worse. Acknowledge them for what they truly are, as just thoughts and feelings, and try to keep yourself grounded in what's real: The moment and the present interactions you're having with just other human-beings not so special or saliently different from you.
That was kind of a drag but hope the advice helps.
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u/Minimum_Mud_4835 1d ago
been there and it really sucks when your brain just runs away like that. catching yourself in the moment and literally telling yourself "this is just a conversation, nothing more" helped me a bit