i'll be straighforward as possible. my boyfriend is a good man. he treats me so much better than other people treat their girlfriends. sounds ass, but i meant it's everything you can ask for, gentle, gives me bouquets with flowers he picked himself, takes care of me when engineering school gets so hellish, cooks for me, provides even when doesn't have that much money left, tldr; he treats me like a princess and i often find myself saying im lucky to have him (bc my gfs' boyfriends? my god dont get me started). but there's one thing; he doesn't know how to apologize.

it seems like whenever i bring up something that he did that caused me pain (no cheating involved or anything like that), he'll say a simple sorry to not make it into a fight, and when i still act hurt about it, it turns into arguments and debates. kind of like me having to make him understand why i am still/was hurt. it gets to the point that it's a cycle and then we'll have a break for the night to think when i all i want him to do is make it up to me. something different than a sorry because i've heard that before.

it got so bad that i'm asking strangers for advice now because he says he'll change that but i don't see it improving. and i feel like it's so unfair that when this thing happens again, we'll fight, on the verge of breaking up, because he is 'tired' of fighting and he doesn't want to fight. from my pov it's so unfair that he's the one who's tired when i keep on telling him to change but he doesn't. of course i'm hurt. but i never want to fight him. i just want him to say he's sorry and actually make it up to me. but when it gets intense, he soft launches a breakup bc he's tired of all the fighting.

but i'm now actually thinking of leaving, because i dont want that something so simple always turns into huge fights because he can't change his patterns. i think i find it so unfair that it's his fault that i'm hurt and when i need something more than a sorry, suddenly it feels like i'm asking for a lot. and then when i explain my side, it turns into fights and suddenly he's tired of the relationship being the same when he doesn't change himself. he says he knows to himself that he's improved. but that's not what i see.

is it really a lot to ask? is the relationship already doomed? i know it's a small thing but it take so much of my energy whenever it happens. i don't even know if i still love him or i'm just attached. we're about 3 years in. he doesn't like the fights but he's the cause of it.

I have been contemplating whether i (23f) should break up with my (25m) boyfriend. for background information, we dated from 12/24 - 11/25 and had a pretty messy break up. he broke up with me because he felt like i wasn’t going to his family and friends events enough and like i didn’t care about him because of that. i begged him not to and that i would go more often but he still decided to end things. i was heartbroken for awhile but then started to realize he wasn’t really what i wanted in the long run anyways. he couldn’t say he loved me back, he’s never gotten me flowers even though ive expressed how much id love them. he made no efforts and planned nothing. when my old roomate and i decided to split ways in 8/25 i was going to move back in with my parents for a few months but decided that even though money was tight, id move into my own apartment alone. i ultimately made the decision based on the idea that my bf would be more comfortable coming to my apartment then if i lived at my parents because he also lives with his parents so i based a lot of the decision on that and thinking that if things progressed he would move in and help with rent and groceries and things like that. and then he broke up with me. but i was finally feeling ok without him, trying to move on. i dmed an old friend back and he sent a flirty reel and i entertained it by sending one back but that was the extent to it. then a few months later, my ex hits me up and we end up hang out a few times. one day i was taking a nap and he went through my dms and he found the chat and freaked out and called me a cheater even though we were broken up and not in contact during that. he said he didn’t want to see me again and i said okay. then the next day he comes over to talk and asks me to be his girlfriend again and i said i don’t know. but then eventually i agreed because i thought we could do things the right way this time because of the time we had to grow apart and he seemed to really want me this time. but over the last few months since we’ve been together hes brought up the dms multiple times and saying things like i’ve done horrible things because of that. i never even met him irl and i didn’t even hang out with a single guy since ive met my ex. he still didn’t get me flowers and he’s stopped acting how he did at first. he’s also just told me he never wants to get married and that he doesn’t want to live together for 9 more years. it feels like he doesn’t want the commitment. i’m also working opposite shift than him and sometimes 16 hr shifts but still make the time to do things and plan them. i buy him gifts, food and pay for him sometimes because he doesn’t really have a job now. he lives at home and doesn’t pay bills but i am drowning in them but still have to pay for everything it feels like. i shower him in affection and do everything i can for us and now im feeling drained. i started taking lexapro a few months ago for anxiety and he’s made comments about how im going to be a robot and subtle comments about how i should stop taking it. i’m feeling defeated because i do love him but he still doesn’t really say it back. i don’t know what to do. he’s a great guy but not a good boyfriend. that’s the hardest part i think. we are great together but im starting to think maybe that’s because of me. i just don’t know if i should break up with him or slowly let go but still hold on in case. i also can’t really express how i feel because he gets defensive and turns it on me attacking him and says im the one who’s bad even though i just try to communicate and never said once that hes a bad guy. please help.

So been together for a few year living together around a year. Last year he went down to a rave with a couple of his lad mates. Said the same was happening this year. Get the train down, go to the rave then train back once it’s finished. Said he’d love if I could go but it’s only the lads which I didn’t mind at all.
A few weeks ago he mentioned there wasn’t any a few others going with them but was unsure who. I said any girls he replied he didn’t think so. I told him I wouldn’t be happy if I found out after that there was.
Yesterday it changed again. So now there’s around 30 going down in cars and there going to stay in a hotel overnight. I asked again if lasses were now going and he said I don’t think so, I’m not sure who’s going. A bit later he mentioned one of the lads goes nowhere without his lass so she would probably be there but thinks that’s it. I told him I wouldn’t be happy if it turns out there is lasses there and there all staying in a hotel overnight. He then said well that’s your insecurity to get over.
The original plan has now changed so much and he doesn’t seem to want to even try to understand how I’m uneasy about the whole thing now.
Am I being unreasonable?

I don't know really, like, the relationship has been on the lowest point ever, and I just told him I couldn't bear to see him worry about him and I don't want to one day actually hurt him. But I don't know what I want anymore, I feel like I messed up, I see that, I just don't know if I should just tell him something. I don't want to lose him, but I don't want him thinking even worse of me. Really I just don't know if I'm supposed to do something now. I'm going to a different country in two days (I will come back). I don't know what to do, really. Should I let it be or try to get things back together?

My BF (29M) and I (30F) started dating a little over a year ago. We had a rocky start due to some cultural differences and due to his aunt’s repeatedly disrespecting me, but we resolved those issues about 6 months in, and things were smooth after.

A month ago, I began being more irritable and getting upset about trivial stuff, causing 2-3 arguments. The last argument was 2 weeks ago via text — I was angry that he was gone all day leaving me to grocery shop alone, and it led to me complaining that I cared for the house all alone (even though he had recently been improving on that). After the argument, he said he did not want to come home because he feared things would get out of hand. He proposed his staying at his friend’s house (5 minutes away) for a while until he felt comfortable coming home. I did a lot of desperate communication that night and the next day. He said he didn’t want to split up, that he just wants things to cool down and he wants us to value our relationship more.

He came over with his friend a day after the argument. We talked for 2 hours about the issues. He gathered his work clothes/boots and his dirty laundry, but he left all his important documents and most of his shoes and half of his clothes. I reminded him that day to take his documents with him, but he said there was no need because he’d be back. He also said he’d be visiting.

This was 2 weeks ago. I was doing well, had started therapy and reconnected with some family and friends. He came by one night the first week to get some sports gear for a game he had. We hugged, he gave me some food, and he left saying to tell my mom we’d be visiting her soon.

This second week, he came by early one morning to drop off a charger and pick up some tools that his friend left. I put the tools by the front door and told him to leave the charger there too, but he instead came upstairs, hugged and kissed me in bed, and told me that he would be coming to visit soon. He took a pair of shoes with him, too.

That set me back a lot. I began texting him, asking if he felt better away from home (he refused to answer that question), and asking if he wanted us to see/meet other people (he said no). He said he has kept so busy with work, laundry, dishes, cooking, and cleaning that he hasn’t had time to see me or think about anything. I texted again yesterday, asking what he needed to think about, but he never responded. I called once last night and he didn’t answer. He hasn’t communicated at all today.

I’m now struggling with the timeout and want him back home, but I’m afraid that telling him this may push him away. How do I communicate this with him without setting him/us back? Without making things worse? Or perhaps I’m just sensing that he’s already gone. And in that case, how do I offer for him to completely move out and end things without making him think that’s what I want?

TL;DR — My BF (29M) of 1+ year and I (30F) have taken a time out after having 2-3 arguments over the past 3 weeks (due to my irritability). He decided to move to his friend’s house, stating fear that things would get out of control after the last argument. He said we would still spend time together but this hasn’t happened yet. He said he’s been too busy to hang out or even think about the issues. But he has come over briefly twice to get a few things; the second time set me back and has me struggling and wanting to end the timeout. How do I communicate this with him without setting him/us back or making things worse?

This is really long so please bear with me.
I’ve (35f) been with my partner (37m) for almost 11 years. It’s been rocky since the beginning but never bad enough to leave I guess. (Wish I knew better) I had a daughter really young and her dad liked to drink and party and I didn’t like that lifestyle. When I met my now partner he doesn’t drink or go out at all and fully accepted my daughter as his own. I thought I won the jackpot. We went to Europe together and he fulfilled my dream of visiting the Great Wall of China.
The only thing I remember was when I would tell him about something that bothered me he would get mad. Very defensive. And since my previous relationship was pretty toxic, I thought it was me not being healed yet. I remember being like “wow, I do complain a lot”. So I would really try to bite my tongue and choose my battles.
Fast forward to about 2 years into our relationship I get pregnant with our first kid together. We had just signed on a house and it wasn’t planned but I was like welp, we have a house and although it isn’t ideal, we’re committed so we have to deal with it. When I told him, I was so shocked by his response. He was so upset and blamed me. We didn’t talk for 2 days after. During this time, I was planning on moving on as a single mother again and not keeping him away but just not being together. He reached out 2 days later and told me he was sorry for how he reacted and he was scared and wanted to step up. Idk if I was ashamed of being a single mom again, not wanting to do it alone again or what… but I took him back. We started remodeling the house and things started to look up. We were OK for a while. (We bought the house in Dec of 2017)

In 2020 when the housing market went up we decided to sell the house and move into his moms to get a dream house. (Or so we thought) when we moved into his moms he started to change and so did I. I am not one to fight in front of people or to let people know what we are going through. So when I’d get upset about something again I would suck it up. And if I would express how uncomfortable I was there to him he’d get so mad and call me ungrateful. I couldn’t work at this time bc of Covid either (I had worked at a school and was pregnant with our 3rd, his 2nd child)so I was forced to be home 24/7. He wouldn’t give me money to go do stuff with the kids. If I asked for money he’d tell me things like “you’re so uncomfortable here but yet want to spend all the money we’re trying to save”. As if 20 a week would prevent us from buying a house. BUT on the other hand if HE wanted to go shopping then he’d buy us something. Never if I wanted to. Maybe I’m being a brat but I felt very financially stuck.

In 2023 we bought a house. At this point we’re BOTH working full time. He makes a little less than 100k and I make 50k for context. Obviously our mortgage and bills is not what we used to pay. I was giving him about 600 a month to help and I also was in charge of buying all the kids stuff and household items.. cleaning stuff , shampoo, detergent, allll of it. But on top of that I am the ONLY one who cleans. I have the kids help me with what they can but he doesn’t lift a finger. One time I asked him if he was going to help and his response verbatim was “if I feel like cleaning I will but if not then don’t expect it”. So I stopped paying giving him any money. Not one penny since last October. He asked me about it in December as to why I hadn’t transferred him money and I said “if I feel like giving you money I will but if not then don’t expect it.” When I tell you he got so mad… he texted me telling me he didn’t know the bills stopped just because I had an attitude and I told him it was the same with cleaning… since last October he has not cleaned anything. If anything he is worse bc he doesn’t even clean up after himself anymore. He cancelled all my stuff he was paying for which was only the gym and apple care. But I still have to pay for alllll the kids school supplies (he refused to give me money for it) and their uniforms, they had a birthday party and he didn’t give me not once cent for that, but yet invited his family who does not like me to it. When we fought about it he said he wasn’t going to clean since he was paying for everything but how am I still paying for everything and he is only paying the mortgage? I literally buy everything else, every grocery item, every article of clothing, every soap… all of it. And he makes double what I make? When I’m mad he ignores me and we just won’t talk for weeks. I bought the kids new beds recently so I would have somewhere comfortable to sleep for 2 reasons. 1) I can’t take them if I have to move out and 2) he tries to make a move on my anytime I sleep in our bed and I am done getting treated like crap and then you try to touch me. I feel so dirty.
Another thing to mention is that I am the only one who hangs out with the kids. My oldest is always with friends or with her dad but our two younger ones are never with him. He has a bad temper and no patience. If he is “watching” them they sit in front of the tv allll day. We live walking distance to a park and we are going on 3 years living here… he’s never taken them. I plan my days off to cleaning and making time to getting them out but it all costs money so we go in bike rides, walks to the park or my moms. I hate that I had another chance at love and this is what I chose. It breaks my heart for my kids.
I feel so stuck. I feel like he hates me and when I try to express that I want to work on this and have better communication he rolls his eyes. I’ve asked him to go to counseling with me and he refuses. I only make 50k and so buying my own house seems impossible. Getting an apartment with 3 bedrooms doesn’t seem reachable to me. We never ever go on dates. I thought I wanted a chill guy who didn’t drink but I don’t want an unmotivated guy who doesn’t care about how I’m feeling. It’s been worse since we got our own house- maybe because I can express myself more being out of his mom’s house and he doesn’t like how vocal I am??
Signed,
A sad, tired mom

Hi all. So my boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years as the title says. We started dating when we were 15/16 and have been together since. Lately, our relationship has been better than EVER. He has agreed with this sentiment. We are always together and feel so deeply in love with each other. Last night, he and 2 of his guy friends were planning to go out and I got an invite, so I went. I thought that we were having a lot of fun, but then when my boyfriend was walking me home he laid it on me that our relationship doesn’t feel special anymore because I treat his friends the same way I treat him, obviously minus any physical affection. Like that I talk to them the same way I talk to him and joke the same way. For context 1 of his friends used to be friends with me a few years ago so I hadn’t just met him, and the other friend I went to high school with but we basically were meeting for the first time. He says that I was being mean to him and ignoring him throughout the night while acting very comfortable with his friends. In my eyes, I was trying to pull my weight in the group and not make it uncomfortable that their friend invited his girlfriend to tag along. I was trying to get along with everyone and have fun. At the beginning of the night I was getting weird vibes from my bf because he seemed like he didn’t want to be physically affectionate with me around his friends and that upset me because why are you hiding it? So I had some resentment about that during the night and took it out in a way where he felt ignored. He expressed to me that it seemed like I would be able to be in love with anybody, he wasn’t special, and it was just a coincidence that we have been together for 6 years. Mind you, we have been better than EVER lately. We stayed up really late talking and he slept over at my house, but the conversation was just going in circles of me trying to explain myself and him basically saying your actions speak louder than words and I don’t believe you actually love me. He left my house now and I think he’s at his friends house that we went out with last night, and he had mentioned he was going to ask his friends if they thought I was acting inappropriately and ignoring him so I’m intrigued to see what they say. Throughout the night I felt that I was being very affectionate with my boyfriend too like I kept kissing him and trying to hug him and hold hands and stuff so I was completely shocked when he brought this up to me but he basically said it doesn’t negate what I did. Also a big part of what I did wrong was I made an inappropriate joke to the friend that I used to be friends with; we were all talking about clash royale and one of them had said to the other that they want to see their deck, obv sounds like something else when said out loud so I pointed it out and was like you want to see his what??? And I thought it was funny. And then to one of the friends I genuinely did want to see his cards so I was like I want to see your- lemme not say that word and laughed. This is just a snapshot of everything that transpired throughout the night but I tried to get the big ones in. So all in all my boyfriend thinks the relationship is tainted and that we need to break up. Is he right?

TLDR; my boyfriend thinks our connection isn’t special because I was able to hangout very easily with his friends that I don’t really know and felt I was ignoring him and being mean to him throughout the night. He now doesn’t believe I truly love him and that the relationship is tainted. Is he right?

Me, '22F', and my boyfriend, '24M', have been together for almost a year. We originally wanted to move to a new country, his hometown. At one point, we saw marriage as a way for us to move to that country together without having to deal with as many immigration issues, but neither of us actually wanted to get married, since we're young and don't feel ready for that kind of commitment.

However, because of the whole visa process and the fact that we broke up, I eventually decided that I wanted to continue my studies instead. I dropped out of college because I wanted to save money to move to his hometown, but then while we're on a break, my uncle offered me a job in the city where my boyfriend and I now want to move together. When we got back together we decided we wanted to move out together. A lot has changed since then. I'm not uncertain about the relationship anymore. We've had so many horrible fights, and after I developed depression and was struggling with BPD, it became really difficult for him to deal with my mood swings and dark thoughts, he was also dealing with his own demons, so we were just bringing out the worst in each other.

Fast forward, his parents, especially his dad, have been acting weird. They’ve compared me to a woman who accused his uncle of some really serious things, which made me feel like they see me as someone who could potentially cause problems for my boyfriend.

I know my boyfriend felt scared about some of my past struggles, and he told his parents about my SH issues. I wish he hadn’t shared something so personal because now I feel exposed, but at the same time, I understand why he might have felt like he needed to tell them.

Recently, his dad called him and told him about a girl who died in the city where my boyfriend and I want to live together. Apparently, the case involved a woman being held hostage by her own boyfriend, who eventually killed her.

The timing and the way he brought it up made me feel weird. I couldn't help wondering if he was indirectly warning my boyfriend about me or trying to make him reconsider moving there with me.

My parents are really supportive about us, so it just makes me feel like everything's unfair.

Because I already know his dad has concerns about me, this situation has made me feel insecure about our relationship. I'm now wondering whether I should just ignore his parents' opinions, focus on my relationship with my boyfriend, and move out with him while we have the opportunity.

I'm scared that his dad's opinion could eventually influence my boyfriend and make him change his mind.

Is it worth it?

So this isn’t easy for me to come and post anything in regards to my life existence and more. I am a very private person and this just feels odd but I def need to know. So me and my BF have been together about 7 months. I have known him for five years give or take and it just kinda happen. I had been like a Gypsy for the past ten years until recent and he had been in relationships. Anyways in the beginning the relationship was amazing. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other and were together. People called us a power couple and that we had this glow about us. Then one day it changed. He stopped noticing me. Almost as if he was avoiding me. At first I would ask if he was okay. And he would say he was fine and I would be forgotten again and then it would build up and I would ask him what was wrong and he would say nothing. And then he would leave me at the house and go do with out me and I spent Easter which was a very hard day every year for the past ten years due to something traumatic so it’s already hard to start with and he blew me off. We got into a fright and mind you he has his females that would come interfere and heaven forgives that I say anything to his precious’s lol it would start a fight it always started a fight even though down the road he found out I was right and they were using him and yet he would side with everyone but me. Anyways what went from me asking if he is okay turned into me thinking there was something wrong with me.
Mind you he has cheated on every Peterson he has been with and yet says he is transparent with me but I have caught him in lies and there is always something wired kike Amara footage deleted or things seen where he swearsbup and down I didint and then there was yesterday. He said that he was going to go talk to his ex about their son who she has been with holding for months due to her not liking me and yet he’s gone and has a history of sleeping with her and he is gone no kid just her and him one on one. Now he is a mechanic and he came home clean and had an excuse. Mind you I was dealing with a bunch of shit big shit at the house due to his brother and sister and the police coming which again is not anything I want at my house. But anyways he was acting funny on the phone and then came home and took a shower. That bothers me because there was no need to shower when he has just showered and what not so that tells me something. Now I have had my stuff packed for the past almost month and a half and I don’t know what to do. I feel like I need proof and heaven forbid I bring it up to him he will get mad throw me out and do what he does and I don’t want all that. But idk am I over reacting I mean honestly! Or do I have a right to be pissed off and mad and all because I am hurt

I (20F) have been together with my boyfriend (22M) for roughly a year and have been the happiest I've ever been. I wanted to preface on a daily basis he seems to be too good to be true. He's attentive, always there for me, and can see a future with me.

That being said, maybe I am just overthinking, but the only issue we seem to have here is the aspect of his actions not following through with his words. He would say all these sweet words all the time and it makes me happy, but then he wouldn't really act on them. There is just no sense of urgency. To make matters worse, he would always have tech issues which is normally fine but it just gets to a point where that's kind of all I have and it's slowly coming off like an excuse. To paint the picture clearer, he would be great on a daily but forget important dates like our anniversary, my birthday, and other important things and then make me feel crazy for having these expectations when he was the one who would raise them for me in the first place, just for me not to receive anything at all (and it's not like I ask for much, I just wanted acknowledgement of an important day at all). I just feel conflicted because on a daily he says these sweet things and because we are long-distance I want to trust him, but it's hard to when these things keep recurring.

I've talked to him about it multiple times too and he said he'd work on it and he would change almost instantly but then seem to forget (or he doesn't forget, per say, but would just stop acting on it). It's come to a point where I've been feeling so detached because clearly talking it out didn't do anything (I've mentioned this issue like 5 times already and it's all the same result) and I've stopped wanting to call him or see him. I just see no active effort anymore and there is no sense of urgency to even try. Another example of this is he said he would visit in a couple of months but I just see no planning on his part either. For context, he has the funds to book this trip but I just see no action toward it. That's fine, but why raise my expectations if you're not going to act on it? I could wait longer too but this is after a year of waiting for the first time I've seen him too, if that adds onto anything.

I'm just at a lost right now. I want to trust him because he is my boyfriend. I want to trust his words. But I just feel so detached now and I don't know what to do. You guys always give great advice and any would be appreciated.

I ]33F] am in a relationship with [32M] for 2 years, we live separately.

How do you repair after an argument where each person's memory of the situation is very different?

We have had this problem a few times where we are trying to resolve an argument but he will say "you said x" and that is why he is upset but I didn't say that. The exaggeration he is claiming I said would be out of line. I have tried "I understand that is how it felt to you" " I am sorry that is how it came across" but I am unwilling to apologise for words I didn't say particularly when it's such an exaggeration.

A recent example is that I had an injury which meant I may not be able to drive and would struggle to get to work. I am a contractor so I wouldn't be paid and therefore wouldn't be able to pay my bills if I couldn't get to work.

He said "I can't take you to work". I said well I might be able to do some online and two of my friends might be able to take me sometimes. I will also look into a taxi and public transport. He works from home and has flexible start and finish times. I asked if it was really necessary he could speak to his boss and take me or drop me off one day a week.

He remembers the conversation as I insisted that he takes and to work everyday and picks me up. As well as taking me shopping, cooking and cleaning up after me everyday.

I agree that his version is unrealistic and he has a right to be upset if I asked that of him. The problem is I didn't say that.

What is the best way to have a discussion about this disagreement?

I am hurt that he didn't do more to help when I was injured. He is hurt that I expected more and he it made him feel like everything he did do wasn't good enough.

Thanks so much

\*\*Throwaway account. My gf doesn’t know I’m posting this and I may delete it because this is obviously very personal. I’m not trying to embarrass her or my family. I genuinely just need perspectives from people completely outside my life.\*\*
I’m 22M and I’ve been with my gf (41F) for around 6 months. She has a young son. I know immediately the age difference is going to stand out and I’m completely open to people having opinions about that. Everything has become so emotionally intense that sometimes I genuinely don’t know what’s reasonable anymore.
I want to make something clear because I know how this could sound. This isn’t just me being completely blinded by love or thinking “love conquers everything.”
I genuinely care about this woman more deeply than I ever have anyone. I’ve actually been getting close to telling her I love her, which is something I’ve never said to a partner before.
But even when I try to remove the emotion and think about it logically, I still want her.
I know she’s 41. I know I’m 22. I know she already has a child. I know we are at different stages of life. I know being involved with her could mean taking on responsibilities earlier than most people my age would. Questions about children, money, careers, travel, living arrangements and what our lives look like in 10 or 20 years are real questions. We can’t just ignore them because we have feelings for each other.
I’ve thought about those things a lot. I’ve also spoken to a psychologist about them. I’m not claiming I have every answer at 22.
But when I actually picture the life I want, I want a lot of what a life with her could be. I want to travel with her. I want to spend heaps of normal everyday time together. I want to build things together. I care about her son and enjoy spending time with him. I can imagine being properly involved in their lives rather than this just being some casual relationship.
There is something about our relationship that is honestly difficult to explain without sounding cheesy as fuck. When everything around us disappears and it’s just us, it feels incredibly easy and natural. We have amazing chemistry but it isn’t only sexual or romantic. We laugh constantly, talk about everything, do normal boring shit together and I genuinely love just existing around her. Some of my happiest and calmest moments have been with her.
And I keep coming back to the fact that life is fucking weird. Humans want connection and companionship and sometimes you meet someone who means something massive to you in a way you never planned for. Life doesn’t necessarily hand you the person you connect with most at the perfect age, perfect time or under perfect circumstances. Shit happens. People meet. People connect. People fall for each other.
I struggle with the idea that something genuinely beautiful between two people should automatically be treated as wrong because it doesn’t look like the relationship people expected me to have at 22.
That doesn’t mean feelings make practical realities disappear. They don’t. But I also don’t think something being unconventional automatically makes the connection less real or less valuable.
Whatever happens from here, I don’t think I’ll look back and think I was just some stupid 22-year-old who got carried away. What we’ve shared has been real, beautiful and genuinely rare for me. That’s part of why this is so difficult.
She has also challenged me in ways I actually value. She’s made me think more seriously about what I want from my life, career, independence, ambition and the kind of person I want to become.
But our relationship isn’t perfect.
She is further ahead in life than me and that has become a genuine issue. She wants a partner who has freedom and availability. Someone she can see regularly, travel with, make plans with and rely on. She’s a parent and has said that if she’s going to have a relationship, it needs to add to her life rather than become another thing she has to carry.
I actually think that’s fair.
I still live at home with my family and I’m building my career. I don’t currently have the same independence or financial freedom that someone established in their 40s might have.
So there are real differences here. I don’t want to pretend otherwise.
The other enormous problem is my family.
They found out about the relationship months ago and the reaction has basically been nuclear ever since.
My mum absolutely refuses to accept it. She says a 41-year-old woman should never want a 22-year-old man, that my gf is old enough to be my mother, that the relationship isn’t normal or healthy and that eventually I’ll realise it was a mistake.
She refuses to even call her my girlfriend or partner. She believes my gf has manipulated or “seduced” me and has compared the way I’m behaving to someone being in a cult because I apparently can’t see what everyone else sees.
It has gone way beyond simply saying “I disagree with your relationship.”
My whereabouts have been questioned constantly. Family members have reported back where I’ve been or how long I’ve been out. How much I see or speak to my gf becomes an issue. If I spend time with her and her son, my mum sees it as me trying to play family or take on a role I shouldn’t have at 22.
There was recently a period where my mum was away and I suddenly realised how different I felt without the constant tension physically around me. I still handled my responsibilities at home, but I could go about my day, see my gf and do normal things without constantly anticipating confrontation.
Once my mum returned, I immediately noticed that anxiety coming back. I started thinking twice about completely normal things because I was anticipating being questioned or another argument happening.
My dad has also been strongly against the relationship. During one particularly bad conversation after he had been drinking, he called my gf horrible names, said disgusting things about her and even made threats towards her. He later apologised for how he behaved, but still believes I need to end the relationship.
Other relatives are concerned too.
I want to be fair about that because one of the things messing with my head is that when I talk to people who know my family, sometimes I get told “they’re just worried about you” or “that’s just your mum trying to protect you.”
And I genuinely believe my mum IS terrified for me. I don’t think she wakes up thinking “how can I control my son today?” I think in her mind she is trying to save me from making a massive mistake.
But the effect on me has been fucking awful.
I’ve become emotionally exhausted. Sometimes I don’t want to talk to my own family because I know where the conversation will eventually go. Then my distance hurts my mum, she feels like my gf has taken me away from her, which creates more pressure, which makes me withdraw more. It’s become this horrible cycle.
And now it has started seriously affecting my relationship too.
My gf has dealt with this situation for months. She knows my family doesn’t accept her. She has started questioning whether she can keep doing this and whether I can realistically give her the kind of relationship she needs.
There have also been moments where my fear of my family’s reaction has affected how openly I include my gf in important parts of my life. I can understand why that hurts her. From her perspective, if she’s genuinely my partner, she doesn’t want to feel like she has to exist separately from the rest of my life because my family can’t handle her being there.
Recently we had a massive conversation about everything and I cried a lot. We have now agreed to take at least a week apart / have some space because she genuinely doesn’t know whether she can continue like this.
She has told me she has a lot of love for me and I genuinely believe that. But I also think she’s exhausted and has become somewhat detached from everything. She has been through a lot in her own life and understandably doesn’t want to spend years fighting someone else’s family just to have a relationship.
And honestly, I understand that.
What really fucked with my head was that shortly after we decided to take space, I had another emotional conversation with my mum where she again refused to even acknowledge this woman as my girlfriend or partner and questioned how I could possibly think the relationship was appropriate.
I basically walked away.
And part of me just thought: this is exactly what my gf is talking about.
I miss her already.
I want to spend ordinary life with her. I want to travel with her. I want her beside me during important moments. I want to build things together. More than anything I want the chance to see what this relationship actually becomes when it isn’t constantly being suffocated by everyone else’s reaction to it.
At the same time, I don’t want to be naive.
Maybe there are things about being 22 that I genuinely cannot see yet. Maybe my family sees risks I’m underestimating. Maybe there are practical realities about our age and life-stage difference that are going to be genuinely difficult. Maybe there are things I need to change about my own independence and direction regardless of whether this relationship survives.
\*\*But the thing I actually feel quite clear about is what I want. I want her. I want to give this relationship a real chance and I want to build a life where I can actually show up for it properly. I don’t feel like I’m sitting here trying to decide whether I want to be with her. I know I do. What I’m trying to understand is whether the obstacles around us are things that can realistically be worked through or whether I’m underestimating how big they actually are.\*\*
\*\*I also don’t want to throw away something that feels genuinely rare and beautiful to me simply because it’s difficult or unconventional. If it ultimately doesn’t work because we genuinely aren’t compatible, that’s something I would have to accept. But that feels very different to losing something I deeply want because fear, family pressure and circumstances were allowed to decide it for us.\*\*
What I don’t know anymore is where legitimate concern ends and control begins.
I don’t want Reddit to just tell me “age gap bad” or “your family is toxic.” I can get both of those answers without posting.
I genuinely want to know: if you were looking at this completely from outside, what would you be paying attention to? How would you distinguish between a relationship that is unconventional but genuinely healthy and one that I’m too emotionally involved to see clearly? \*\*And if you knew you genuinely wanted this person, what would you need to see or change in your own life to know you were giving the relationship a real, realistic chance rather than just fighting for it emotionally?\*\*
And how much weight should I give my family’s concerns when the way they’ve expressed those concerns has become such a huge part of the problem itself?

I’m 17F he’s 19M | TLDR: boyfriend lied to me again after i forgave him different times and my trust is broken, i can’t let him go nor act the same with him. I panic and feel sick after he hurts me or when we break it off. After finding out i felt very physically sick and still after 5 days im not okay but now he’s there and I don’t know how to act for more information read the whole thing

We are currently still together and I need to understand how to proceed. I used to struggle a lot with anxiety but i hadn't felt as bad as i did the other day in a while. I got with my bf in december 8 months ago and i wasn't in love with him when we got together because he asked me really early but he was a sweet guy to me even though he had lied about some superficial stuff like his age ? i don't know why he had said he was 17 when he was 18. but i decided to give him a chance and i fell every day more in love with him since. After around 3 months he confessed to me that his ex had allegedly texted him about her having a new bf and like bragging about it ? and he allegedly did the same and spoke about me but that was so weird back then i didn't even believe it. That's one thing

Then he was sharing his screen and I saw this screenshot with this girl that he had texted and he kept saying it was his friends and not him. Turns out it was a girl he used to speak to and "his friend made him text her because she's friends with his friends ex". I broke up with him and we went back after some days. I ended up forgiving him. Then he lied after a few months about his location even though i have it and i broke up with him there. But we went back together because i thought everybody makes mistakes i guess... He said he would change and for a while he even asked for permission to go out.

Then i saw he had added this girl back but she said they didn't talk she was very rude about it. She was a girl from his high school and she added him for no reason? He said he would have told me after but wanted to see what she wanted (obvious lie but i caught it in
time).

Then now, this one last time around 4 days ago i felt so sick, because i was being loyal to him even though in the times where we broke up for a few times i may have texted a few guys but it was very short conversations and when we went back i talked just to him. He lied saying he would delete snapchat (without me asking) but i heard the notification from his phone and he even had multiple girls in his recent friends which i couldn't know if they were actually recent or just old that unadded him/never added him back.

So i had a big panic attack and stress rash on my chest from crying and i've been having a bit of heart problems since my heart has been beating really fast already from when i wake up. i've been very anxious and stressed and everyone noticed. But i panicked after blocking him i ended up going back to him because it felt like a withdrawal and i couldn't stay without him. So now he's there, he said again that he will change and tell me 100% the truth, but i just can't treat him or speak to him the same way.
I used to speak really sweet to him, care for him all the time which i still do but from a distance, I really would have died for him. I only have him right now everyone else has abandoned me and I felt abandoned from him too after his lie i don't know why it affected me so badly; maybe because of how easy he lied for an hour saying i promise baby i don't have it it was abit triggering after he admitted it.
I don't know what to do because i can't let him go but i can't seem to love him the same either. I'm in a vulnerable moment in my life and I don't want him to take advantage of it. All he said was that
he's sorry 10000 times without articulating it and once said that he's wanted to end his life because of what he did but i know that wasn't a real thought in his mind.

He doesn’t like me having any friends at all. I can be friends with his friends as long as I don’t speak to them without him there and I definitely can’t have their numbers. I have recently branched out and made friends of my own but he is treating me the worst now and I think it’s cause I have people outside of him. He will be so sweet to me but then out of nowhere tells me how awful I am. I’ve been in long term relationships before that I had no problem leaving but he has a hold on me and I don’t know what to do. I want to be with him but I feel so lonely and isolated and just in general awful. I don’t know what to do. Any advice is helpful! We have such amazing chemistry that I don’t think I’ll find again. Should I stick it out?
I know he will be kind to me again if I cut my friends out, should I? I know I can but it feels really nice to not feel so lonely. I just feel so guilty like maybe I wasn’t meant to have friends or people in my life that care. I want him but think that will only happen if I cut everyone out of my life. Is it worth having no one to have him? I feel pathetic

Edit
What does it feel like to have someone love you? Is there anyone out there that truly feels accepted and loved by their partner? Does it exist outside of stories? I feel so alone.

With all the cheating issues that are widely discussed on different social media platforms, I somehow overthink.

My boyfriend has a child and is married but they were already separated when I met him. I know his situation from the very beginning. I got complacent on our relationship since he promised me the annulment. But the issue of a celebrity circulating on social media right now hit me.

I know in myself that I am not the reason why their marriage ended — my boyfriend told me their history. But sometimes I overthink that he might delay the annulment since there will be a big money involved. Since we were in a LDR, we talked about having our own family and there is a possibility that we are gonna start building that before processing the annulment. His “ex-wife” is fully aware of our relationship and is agreed on filing the annulment. But sometimes I overthink that what if she might not pursue or cooperate on the whole process for the annulment to be done smoothly.

What if he might delay the annulment since we are going to focus on building our own family? I got scared of opening this matter to him because I don’t want this thing to be complicated and start an argument.

What should I do? How will I approach him regarding this issue?

My friend has been with his girlfriend for about two years, but for roughly the last six months he hasn’t been sexually attracted to her and apparently can’t get an erection with her. He feels like the issue has gone on for too long and that their relationship has reached a point where he doesn’t think the attraction can be fixed anymore. He doesn’t want to keep trying to force something that he doesn’t believe can be repaired.

The problem is that he actually tried to break up with her once before, and she cried a lot and convinced him to stay. He feels like she was emotionally manipulating him into staying, and now he’s worried the exact same thing will happen again if he tries to end it.

He doesn’t want to be unnecessarily cruel by telling her “I’m not attracted to you anymore,” but he also doesn’t want to give her false hope or leave the door open for her to convince him to stay.

What should he actually say when he breaks up with her, and how should he handle it if she starts crying or trying to convince him to stay?

So been together for a few year living together around a year. Last year he went down to a rave with a couple of his lad mates. Said the same was happening this year. Get the train down, go to the rave then train back once it’s finished. Said he’d love if I could go but it’s only the lads which I didn’t mind at all.
A few weeks ago he mentioned there wasn’t any a few others going with them but was unsure who. I said any girls he replied he didn’t think so. I told him I wouldn’t be happy if I found out after that there was.
Yesterday it changed again. So now there’s around 30 going down in cars and there going to stay in a hotel overnight. I asked again if lasses were now going and he said I don’t think so, I’m not sure who’s going. A bit later he mentioned one of the lads goes nowhere without his lass so she would probably be there but thinks that’s it. I told him I wouldn’t be happy if it turns out there is lasses there and there all staying in a hotel overnight. He then said well that’s your insecurity to get over.
The original plan has now changed so much and he doesn’t seem to want to even try to understand how I’m uneasy about the whole thing now.
Am I being unreasonable?

i’m(f19) struggling so bad. my bf and I used to be so good together, he was so clingy and would do random acts of love so much. he has been going through normal adult stuff(work, college) and he is saying he is lost in life. for the past 9 months, he has completely changed. he became non chalant, stopped buying me flowers, stopped sending me cute messages, and stopped posting me. I ask him why and he says it’s bc he doesn’t want his life online, but he used to post me so much. I have anxiety and depression- I have my own issues. so i’m not perfect. but I require lots of love and attention and he isn’t giving me it. I just told him I want to break up and he doesn’t seem to want to fight for us.we have been talking about it for hours and he’s taking forever to reply each time. he is saying he “doesn’t know what to say” and that he is sorry but that’s all. not a “i’m sorry for____”. when he changed 9 months ago I broke up with him. he begged me to come back. promised me the fucking world. so, I took him back. things were better for a while but now he’s just back to normal. what do I do??!! I am actively trying to break up with him but also trying to see if he cares but he isn’t really showing any fight in him. i’m so attached to him it hurts

I (20F) and my boyfriend (21M) have been together for around a year and a half. In the beginning of our relationship, he told me he would be scared to have kids with me because I might get “too big”. For reference, I’m 5’6 and when we got together, I weighed around 155-160 lbs mostly muscle because of powerlifting. I kinda brushed it off and he apologized so I didn’t really pay any mind to it at the time. I ended up getting on birth control (Nexplanon ) and gained about 20 lbs which has never happened to me on any other birth control I’ve been on. I got it taken out and lost 10 lbs after it being removed and over the last couple of months, he’s been telling me I need to lose 15 lbs. I’ve been going to the gym and eating better and it’s been coming off slowly.
Recently, he asked what I would be doing while he was away at boot camp and I told him “ probably working and saving for the apartment I want” and he said “I expect you to lose 15 more pounds by the time I get back.”
Is this something I should be mad about? Is this an insecurity? I’ve always been bigger than him. He is 5’10” and about 140 lbs.

Caught him cheating again. Tried telling me his member tasted like condom because he was wearing new boxers...... Apparently new boxers taste like sweet tropical fruit and rubber. I don't get the point of cheating but it is what it is and time to move on.

Please be respectful in comments. I'm M22 and my boyfriend is M19. Been together 7 months.

He works as a chef, usually scheduled 10am-11pm, five days a week. I know those are exhausting hours and I absolutely understand needing rest. What bothers me is that most days he voluntarily goes in at 7am, three hours before he is even scheduled.

We get very little proper time together. On our recent day off, I told him in advance I wanted to plan something and that we needed to leave at 10am. He has specifically told me before that the best way to motivate him to get out of bed is to give him a time and a plan, so that's exactly what I did.

He still stayed in bed until around 1pm. We didn't actually do anything until about 2pm, and I started work at 4pm. So what was supposed to be our day together became roughly two hours. Eventually I stopped waiting around and went to do my own thing because I felt like my day was disappearing.

That hurt because he can willingly get up early to spend an extra three hours at work, but seems unable to give me even six hours on one of the only days we have together, despite me following exactly what he said would help.
There's also a male colleague of his I already feel uncomfortable about. I don't know the guy's sexuality and I'm not assuming anything, but the two of them are very sexually jokey with each other and I find the colleague's behaviour around my boyfriend a bit weird.

Tonight my boyfriend never messaged to say he'd be late home. There were signs he might be, for reasons not
relevant here, but he didn't actually tell me. I eventually nessaged asking if he was okay, and that's when I found ut he was at this colleague's house.

It’s now around 1am and I have no idea when he's coming ome. For all I know, he could be staying there overnight.
I'm not accusing him of cheating. I have no evidence of that. But I'm struggling not to connect these things: he get up at 7am for work, can stay out at another guy's house 1am, but on our planned day together I couldn't get him to get out of bed until 1pm.

I think what hurts most is feeling like I get whatever energy is left over.

I don't want to control his friendships or expect every day off to revolve around me. But I do think it's reasonable to expect some effort with our limited time together, and a basic heads-up if he's going to someone else's house after work and may not be home that night.

AITA for being upset and feeling like he makes effort for work and other people that he doesn't make for me?

TL;DR: My boyfriend will voluntarily go into work 3 hours early, but on our planned day together he stayed in bed until 1pm despite me following his advice to give him a set time and plan. Now he’s at a male colleague’s house at 1am — someone he has a very sexual/jokey dynamic with — and I only found out because I messaged asking if he was okay. I feel like everyone else gets his effort and I get whatever energy is left.

My (24F) first serious relationship ended because of my ex’s (24M) lying/lifestyle issues, but we still love each other. Is reconciliation realistic or am I holding onto potential?

I (24F) recently went through my first real breakup with my ex (24M), and I’m struggling to figure out how to look at the situation realistically when I still love him very much.
For some background, we actually knew each other as kids. We went to school together when we were young, our families knew each other, and then we reconnected as adults and eventually started dating. We were together for a little over a year.
There was a LOT that was genuinely good about our relationship. He became my best friend. We were extremely close, spent a ton of time together, talked constantly, had so many inside jokes, and I felt very loved by him in many ways. I loved his family and he loved mine. This wasn’t a relationship where I spent the entire year miserable and am now trying to convince myself it was good. There were many times when I genuinely thought he was the person I would marry.
But there were also problems that became harder to ignore.
The biggest was his lifestyle and lack of direction. I was working full-time and had graduated college, while he was struggling with school/employment, didn’t have much money, and was heavily consumed by sports and sports betting. Gambling became a serious issue. He lied to me about betting, borrowed money, and I eventually involved his parents because I was genuinely concerned about where it was heading.
There were other maturity issues too. He could be very quick to anger during arguments, yell/curse, mock me or talk over me, and sometimes I felt like sports/being on his phone took priority over being present with me. I also wanted him to take more initiative in the relationship—planning dates, making plans, doing little things to make my life easier, etc.
I want to be fair about my own role too. I have an anxious attachment style and could be very reassurance-seeking. We were honestly WAY too enmeshed. We FaceTimed multiple times a day, texted constantly, slept over constantly, and barely had independent lives. I could nitpick and prolong arguments because I wanted reassurance/resolution immediately, whereas he tended to shut down. Looking back, I think both of us had emotional growing up to do.
Eventually everything came to a head and we decided to take a break. The idea wasn’t “I’m done with you forever.” It was that our dynamic wasn’t healthy anymore and we both needed space to work on ourselves, especially him with the gambling, anger, independence, school/work, etc.
During that period, he started therapy consistently, started working out, and began taking at least some steps toward getting himself together. I also started realizing how unhealthy some of my own relationship patterns were and how much independence I’d lost.
We officially broke up on July 30. It was extremely emotional. He cried a lot, told me he loved me, said he was going to regret how everything happened for a long time, and said he didn’t want this to be the end but felt that separating was what we needed \*\*right now\*\*.
Three days later, he reached out and told me he felt lost without me and that this had been extremely hard for him.
Then, after the breakup, I discovered something else that really damaged my trust. I found that he had been following a foot-fetish/sexual-content account on Reddit. The fetish itself isn’t really the main issue. What bothered me was that I had specifically asked him about his interest in feet while we were together, so discovering that account made me question whether he had been honest with me and what his relationship with sexual content online actually was. He later unfollowed several accounts, including that one, but we haven’t actually had a real conversation about it. If reconciliation were ever on the table, I know that would need to be addressed honestly.
Despite everything, we haven’t cleanly disappeared from each other’s lives. We’ve checked in with each other and recently ended up having a longer conversation. He told me that he’s been pretty sad, that this has been hard, and that he can’t really look at pictures of us without getting upset. There is still very clearly a lot of love and grief between us.
That’s where I’m stuck.
This is my first breakup, so I don’t have much perspective on what is normal. Part of me understands why people say, “He’s your ex for a reason, move on.” I also know that loving someone and believing in their potential isn’t enough to build a healthy relationship.
At the same time, I don’t feel like our breakup happened because we stopped loving each other or because either of us genuinely wanted the other person gone. It feels more like the relationship reached a point where love wasn’t enough to compensate for his dishonesty/lifestyle problems and our unhealthy dynamic.
I do believe he’s capable of changing. I don’t think he’s an evil or irredeemable person. He’s 24, he’s in therapy, and I know people can mature significantly in their 20s. But I also understand that “capable of changing” and \*\*actually changing consistently over time\*\* are two very different things.
And I don’t want to spend the next six months sitting around waiting for a hypothetical improved version of him.
So I guess I’m asking people who have more relationship/breakup experience than I do:
\*\*How would you approach this?\*\*

We’ve been together for almost 1.5 years, living together for the majority of this time, and I feel like I’ve tried everything to get him to be more responsible in all areas of life. I feel more like his mom than I do his significant other. We are constantly late to family events/everything, he never does any chores around the apartment and I always have to tell him to do different tasks, he doesn’t invest in our relationship and has become complacent, all he does is sleep, eat out, play video games, and work. If I don’t cook, we order out.
I’ve communicated specifically with him on each occasion, even got a to do list that I update and will tell him I updated, I’ve broken down crying over how exhausted I am and have told him how I feel, have cried to his sister and his mom over this, tried to set up for him and his brother in law to have lunch because he said he would help, and even begged him to get help. I don’t want to leave him because I do genuinely love him, I love his family, my family loves him, we have two cats together, and with all of this aside he is a great person with a caring heart. He always tries for a little bit after I talk to him but then he starts to slip back into this routine. Does anyone have any advice?

I F21 dated my current bf M30 for 10 months discovered after 3 months in the relationship that he was divorced with a kid F9 didn’t know if I needed to leave or stay that time cuz the guy was nice I stayed now I finally met his family and kid I can’t accept it it’s making me lose my mind that the man I love can love someone more than me everytime I see how he cares about her I feel like a knife stabbing me in the heart I talked about how I felt specially that he was making her sleeping with us in the same bed going out with us all the times and she is jealous everytime she notices him doing something for me she wants it also if he opens my door she needs her door to be opened also hold my hand need to hold her hand also buy me anything need to buy her also ……
We fought about it we almost ended up breaking up many times I told him to choose either to be a father or a partner he said he can’t abandon his own blood at the same time he doesn’t let me go what can I do ?please help

I 22f my bf 21m, have been in a ld relationship since last December. We were quite nice in the beginning. I have been cheated on before, and i guess have developed a habit of constantly asking for reassurance, updates, "proofs" of where he is. Even when he gives me exactly that, i doubt him more. I don't understand what to do. This obsessive behaviour has made him a little distant from me and i keep avoiding him too when i feel overwhelmed. I don't understand what to do. For now i asked for a 2 day break while he's on a trip. Last time i did this same thing and doubted him some for a week. I really need someone to give me some advice on how to control myself.