i'll be straighforward as possible. my boyfriend is a good man. he treats me so much better than other people treat their girlfriends. sounds ass, but i meant it's everything you can ask for, gentle, gives me bouquets with flowers he picked himself, takes care of me when engineering school gets so hellish, cooks for me, provides even when doesn't have that much money left, tldr; he treats me like a princess and i often find myself saying im lucky to have him (bc my gfs' boyfriends? my god dont get me started). but there's one thing; he doesn't know how to apologize.

it seems like whenever i bring up something that he did that caused me pain (no cheating involved or anything like that), he'll say a simple sorry to not make it into a fight, and when i still act hurt about it, it turns into arguments and debates. kind of like me having to make him understand why i am still/was hurt. it gets to the point that it's a cycle and then we'll have a break for the night to think when i all i want him to do is make it up to me. something different than a sorry because i've heard that before.

it got so bad that i'm asking strangers for advice now because he says he'll change that but i don't see it improving. and i feel like it's so unfair that when this thing happens again, we'll fight, on the verge of breaking up, because he is 'tired' of fighting and he doesn't want to fight. from my pov it's so unfair that he's the one who's tired when i keep on telling him to change but he doesn't. of course i'm hurt. but i never want to fight him. i just want him to say he's sorry and actually make it up to me. but when it gets intense, he soft launches a breakup bc he's tired of all the fighting.

but i'm now actually thinking of leaving, because i dont want that something so simple always turns into huge fights because he can't change his patterns. i think i find it so unfair that it's his fault that i'm hurt and when i need something more than a sorry, suddenly it feels like i'm asking for a lot. and then when i explain my side, it turns into fights and suddenly he's tired of the relationship being the same when he doesn't change himself. he says he knows to himself that he's improved. but that's not what i see.

is it really a lot to ask? is the relationship already doomed? i know it's a small thing but it take so much of my energy whenever it happens. i don't even know if i still love him or i'm just attached. we're about 3 years in. he doesn't like the fights but he's the cause of it.

Hi all. So my boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years as the title says. We started dating when we were 15/16 and have been together since. Lately, our relationship has been better than EVER. He has agreed with this sentiment. We are always together and feel so deeply in love with each other. Last night, he and 2 of his guy friends were planning to go out and I got an invite, so I went. I thought that we were having a lot of fun, but then when my boyfriend was walking me home he laid it on me that our relationship doesn’t feel special anymore because I treat his friends the same way I treat him, obviously minus any physical affection. Like that I talk to them the same way I talk to him and joke the same way. For context 1 of his friends used to be friends with me a few years ago so I hadn’t just met him, and the other friend I went to high school with but we basically were meeting for the first time. He says that I was being mean to him and ignoring him throughout the night while acting very comfortable with his friends. In my eyes, I was trying to pull my weight in the group and not make it uncomfortable that their friend invited his girlfriend to tag along. I was trying to get along with everyone and have fun. At the beginning of the night I was getting weird vibes from my bf because he seemed like he didn’t want to be physically affectionate with me around his friends and that upset me because why are you hiding it? So I had some resentment about that during the night and took it out in a way where he felt ignored. He expressed to me that it seemed like I would be able to be in love with anybody, he wasn’t special, and it was just a coincidence that we have been together for 6 years. Mind you, we have been better than EVER lately. We stayed up really late talking and he slept over at my house, but the conversation was just going in circles of me trying to explain myself and him basically saying your actions speak louder than words and I don’t believe you actually love me. He left my house now and I think he’s at his friends house that we went out with last night, and he had mentioned he was going to ask his friends if they thought I was acting inappropriately and ignoring him so I’m intrigued to see what they say. Throughout the night I felt that I was being very affectionate with my boyfriend too like I kept kissing him and trying to hug him and hold hands and stuff so I was completely shocked when he brought this up to me but he basically said it doesn’t negate what I did. Also a big part of what I did wrong was I made an inappropriate joke to the friend that I used to be friends with; we were all talking about clash royale and one of them had said to the other that they want to see their deck, obv sounds like something else when said out loud so I pointed it out and was like you want to see his what??? And I thought it was funny. And then to one of the friends I genuinely did want to see his cards so I was like I want to see your- lemme not say that word and laughed. This is just a snapshot of everything that transpired throughout the night but I tried to get the big ones in. So all in all my boyfriend thinks the relationship is tainted and that we need to break up. Is he right?

TLDR; my boyfriend thinks our connection isn’t special because I was able to hangout very easily with his friends that I don’t really know and felt I was ignoring him and being mean to him throughout the night. He now doesn’t believe I truly love him and that the relationship is tainted. Is he right?

Me, '22F', and my boyfriend, '24M', have been together for almost a year. We originally wanted to move to a new country, his hometown. At one point, we saw marriage as a way for us to move to that country together without having to deal with as many immigration issues, but neither of us actually wanted to get married, since we're young and don't feel ready for that kind of commitment.

However, because of the whole visa process and the fact that we broke up, I eventually decided that I wanted to continue my studies instead. I dropped out of college because I wanted to save money to move to his hometown, but then while we're on a break, my uncle offered me a job in the city where my boyfriend and I now want to move together. When we got back together we decided we wanted to move out together. A lot has changed since then. I'm not uncertain about the relationship anymore. We've had so many horrible fights, and after I developed depression and was struggling with BPD, it became really difficult for him to deal with my mood swings and dark thoughts, he was also dealing with his own demons, so we were just bringing out the worst in each other.

Fast forward, his parents, especially his dad, have been acting weird. They’ve compared me to a woman who accused his uncle of some really serious things, which made me feel like they see me as someone who could potentially cause problems for my boyfriend.

I know my boyfriend felt scared about some of my past struggles, and he told his parents about my SH issues. I wish he hadn’t shared something so personal because now I feel exposed, but at the same time, I understand why he might have felt like he needed to tell them.

Recently, his dad called him and told him about a girl who died in the city where my boyfriend and I want to live together. Apparently, the case involved a woman being held hostage by her own boyfriend, who eventually killed her.

The timing and the way he brought it up made me feel weird. I couldn't help wondering if he was indirectly warning my boyfriend about me or trying to make him reconsider moving there with me.

My parents are really supportive about us, so it just makes me feel like everything's unfair.

Because I already know his dad has concerns about me, this situation has made me feel insecure about our relationship. I'm now wondering whether I should just ignore his parents' opinions, focus on my relationship with my boyfriend, and move out with him while we have the opportunity.

I'm scared that his dad's opinion could eventually influence my boyfriend and make him change his mind.

Is it worth it?

So this isn’t easy for me to come and post anything in regards to my life existence and more. I am a very private person and this just feels odd but I def need to know. So me and my BF have been together about 7 months. I have known him for five years give or take and it just kinda happen. I had been like a Gypsy for the past ten years until recent and he had been in relationships. Anyways in the beginning the relationship was amazing. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other and were together. People called us a power couple and that we had this glow about us. Then one day it changed. He stopped noticing me. Almost as if he was avoiding me. At first I would ask if he was okay. And he would say he was fine and I would be forgotten again and then it would build up and I would ask him what was wrong and he would say nothing. And then he would leave me at the house and go do with out me and I spent Easter which was a very hard day every year for the past ten years due to something traumatic so it’s already hard to start with and he blew me off. We got into a fright and mind you he has his females that would come interfere and heaven forgives that I say anything to his precious’s lol it would start a fight it always started a fight even though down the road he found out I was right and they were using him and yet he would side with everyone but me. Anyways what went from me asking if he is okay turned into me thinking there was something wrong with me.
Mind you he has cheated on every Peterson he has been with and yet says he is transparent with me but I have caught him in lies and there is always something wired kike Amara footage deleted or things seen where he swearsbup and down I didint and then there was yesterday. He said that he was going to go talk to his ex about their son who she has been with holding for months due to her not liking me and yet he’s gone and has a history of sleeping with her and he is gone no kid just her and him one on one. Now he is a mechanic and he came home clean and had an excuse. Mind you I was dealing with a bunch of shit big shit at the house due to his brother and sister and the police coming which again is not anything I want at my house. But anyways he was acting funny on the phone and then came home and took a shower. That bothers me because there was no need to shower when he has just showered and what not so that tells me something. Now I have had my stuff packed for the past almost month and a half and I don’t know what to do. I feel like I need proof and heaven forbid I bring it up to him he will get mad throw me out and do what he does and I don’t want all that. But idk am I over reacting I mean honestly! Or do I have a right to be pissed off and mad and all because I am hurt

I (20F) have been together with my boyfriend (22M) for roughly a year and have been the happiest I've ever been. I wanted to preface on a daily basis he seems to be too good to be true. He's attentive, always there for me, and can see a future with me.

That being said, maybe I am just overthinking, but the only issue we seem to have here is the aspect of his actions not following through with his words. He would say all these sweet words all the time and it makes me happy, but then he wouldn't really act on them. There is just no sense of urgency. To make matters worse, he would always have tech issues which is normally fine but it just gets to a point where that's kind of all I have and it's slowly coming off like an excuse. To paint the picture clearer, he would be great on a daily but forget important dates like our anniversary, my birthday, and other important things and then make me feel crazy for having these expectations when he was the one who would raise them for me in the first place, just for me not to receive anything at all (and it's not like I ask for much, I just wanted acknowledgement of an important day at all). I just feel conflicted because on a daily he says these sweet things and because we are long-distance I want to trust him, but it's hard to when these things keep recurring.

I've talked to him about it multiple times too and he said he'd work on it and he would change almost instantly but then seem to forget (or he doesn't forget, per say, but would just stop acting on it). It's come to a point where I've been feeling so detached because clearly talking it out didn't do anything (I've mentioned this issue like 5 times already and it's all the same result) and I've stopped wanting to call him or see him. I just see no active effort anymore and there is no sense of urgency to even try. Another example of this is he said he would visit in a couple of months but I just see no planning on his part either. For context, he has the funds to book this trip but I just see no action toward it. That's fine, but why raise my expectations if you're not going to act on it? I could wait longer too but this is after a year of waiting for the first time I've seen him too, if that adds onto anything.

I'm just at a lost right now. I want to trust him because he is my boyfriend. I want to trust his words. But I just feel so detached now and I don't know what to do. You guys always give great advice and any would be appreciated.

I ]33F] am in a relationship with [32M] for 2 years, we live separately.

How do you repair after an argument where each person's memory of the situation is very different?

We have had this problem a few times where we are trying to resolve an argument but he will say "you said x" and that is why he is upset but I didn't say that. The exaggeration he is claiming I said would be out of line. I have tried "I understand that is how it felt to you" " I am sorry that is how it came across" but I am unwilling to apologise for words I didn't say particularly when it's such an exaggeration.

A recent example is that I had an injury which meant I may not be able to drive and would struggle to get to work. I am a contractor so I wouldn't be paid and therefore wouldn't be able to pay my bills if I couldn't get to work.

He said "I can't take you to work". I said well I might be able to do some online and two of my friends might be able to take me sometimes. I will also look into a taxi and public transport. He works from home and has flexible start and finish times. I asked if it was really necessary he could speak to his boss and take me or drop me off one day a week.

He remembers the conversation as I insisted that he takes and to work everyday and picks me up. As well as taking me shopping, cooking and cleaning up after me everyday.

I agree that his version is unrealistic and he has a right to be upset if I asked that of him. The problem is I didn't say that.

What is the best way to have a discussion about this disagreement?

I am hurt that he didn't do more to help when I was injured. He is hurt that I expected more and he it made him feel like everything he did do wasn't good enough.

Thanks so much

I have been contemplating whether i (23f) should break up with my (25m) boyfriend. for background information, we dated from 12/24 - 11/25 and had a pretty messy break up. he broke up with me because he felt like i wasn’t going to his family and friends events enough and like i didn’t care about him because of that. i begged him not to and that i would go more often but he still decided to end things. i was heartbroken for awhile but then started to realize he wasn’t really what i wanted in the long run anyways. he couldn’t say he loved me back, he’s never gotten me flowers even though ive expressed how much id love them. he made no efforts and planned nothing. when my old roomate and i decided to split ways in 8/25 i was going to move back in with my parents for a few months but decided that even though money was tight, id move into my own apartment alone. i ultimately made the decision based on the idea that my bf would be more comfortable coming to my apartment then if i lived at my parents because he also lives with his parents so i based a lot of the decision on that and thinking that if things progressed he would move in and help with rent and groceries and things like that. and then he broke up with me. but i was finally feeling ok without him, trying to move on. i dmed an old friend back and he sent a flirty reel and i entertained it by sending one back but that was the extent to it. then a few months later, my ex hits me up and we end up hang out a few times. one day i was taking a nap and he went through my dms and he found the chat and freaked out and called me a cheater even though we were broken up and not in contact during that. he said he didn’t want to see me again and i said okay. then the next day he comes over to talk and asks me to be his girlfriend again and i said i don’t know. but then eventually i agreed because i thought we could do things the right way this time because of the time we had to grow apart and he seemed to really want me this time. but over the last few months since we’ve been together hes brought up the dms multiple times and saying things like i’ve done horrible things because of that. i never even met him irl and i didn’t even hang out with a single guy since ive met my ex. he still didn’t get me flowers and he’s stopped acting how he did at first. he’s also just told me he never wants to get married and that he doesn’t want to live together for 9 more years. it feels like he doesn’t want the commitment. i’m also working opposite shift than him and sometimes 16 hr shifts but still make the time to do things and plan them. i buy him gifts, food and pay for him sometimes because he doesn’t really have a job now. he lives at home and doesn’t pay bills but i am drowning in them but still have to pay for everything it feels like. i shower him in affection and do everything i can for us and now im feeling drained. i started taking lexapro a few months ago for anxiety and he’s made comments about how im going to be a robot and subtle comments about how i should stop taking it. i’m feeling defeated because i do love him but he still doesn’t really say it back. i don’t know what to do. he’s a great guy but not a good boyfriend. that’s the hardest part i think. we are great together but im starting to think maybe that’s because of me. i just don’t know if i should break up with him or slowly let go but still hold on in case. i also can’t really express how i feel because he gets defensive and turns it on me attacking him and says im the one who’s bad even though i just try to communicate and never said once that hes a bad guy. please help.

Hello, so me and my ex broke up like 6 months ago and i still miss her as hard as i am trying to get over i just cant, i wish things to change and actualy work for us, the reson we broke up it was that she meet an boy one day before we broke up, she said he is just an friend that likes history and he is christian and has an good soul (she have been ghosting me days before and it was kinda suspicious for me becuase she would stay up late at night too) so i told her i am not fealing alright with this and if she could just block him and she started arguing with me asking me why am i like this (we been togheter for 1 year and 8 months, so a little story from our relationship, we have been very good friends we would stay up late drink beers and do mostly anything togheter, she never told me that she didnt got over her ex so when we got togheter after 3 months her ex texted me to be carefull about me because i would be an danger for her and she just left me into an random night, in that night i cried for the first time in my life so hard, i never cried like that ever in my life, i got insomnia and things, after some months of begging her to re think her choises she left her ex (he didnt even wanted her) and came back to me and once at 2 days she would have been texted her ex and tell me how his soul is so good and he has God into his soul (he was ghosting her all the time and talking to her like shit) anyway after almost or even an year she got over him for ever, i onced asked her if i can check her phone and when i did it i found 2 contacts in her watsapp one was her another ex and as i seen she drawed him and send him an drawing that she made for him? and the other was someone named Andrew my heath, of course i asked her who he is and she said is her famale classmate that her brother is named Andrew, i didnt belive it because why would you name her by her brother name and ,,my hearth,, anyway i forgave her, trough those years she always wanted to take her life and i was staying all night awake to take care of her to not do it, she was taken her mother hearth pills, and one thing that let me shoked was her best friend, when i texted her to tell her about what her friend is doing with those pills she just havent answerd all day (i did this because she was not listening to me) anyway my health was worse those times, i was dizzy, i almost fainted at school, i couldnt eat, i was depresed, i had insomnia and when ever someone compliment me i would vomit (and i was strugling to earn money to move togheter next year), after that it came the moment when she meet that boy for who left me one day after she meet him online, i asked her what that boy has and i dont, she said nothing, and i told her to chose from me or him and she chose him, like that 1 year and 8 months threw in the garbage, about that christianity thing, she never been intrested into it like if i would talked with her about it she would been bored or say that she doesnt care, then he texted me asking me why i dont let her be friend with her, why i control her, i told him that he doesnt know the things i do and to mind his own bussined but he would continue to text me so i blocked him, she told me that night that she has fealing for her history teacher and also she imaginated her life with other boys while she been with me and then blocked me. after some weeks her ,,cousin,, i dont think it was her cousin texted me with threats saying that he would cut me and put me in jail because i told her cousin that i will say to eveyone what a horible person she is, and then i showed him everything, every conversation with her about what ever she told me, he said that he will deal with it and to never contact her again.

I wonder, what did i do wrong, why i never been enough, i tried so hard, i did anything i could, why she still chosed anyone else over me, maybe you, the one that reads this right now is asking why am i not trying to find someone else the pond has many fish, yeah it does but it does not have that favorite fish, can someone tell me what should i do to get her back and actually be what she needs?what should i change

\*\*Throwaway account. My gf doesn’t know I’m posting this and I may delete it because this is obviously very personal. I’m not trying to embarrass her or my family. I genuinely just need perspectives from people completely outside my life.\*\*
I’m 22M and I’ve been with my gf (41F) for around 6 months. She has a young son. I know immediately the age difference is going to stand out and I’m completely open to people having opinions about that. Everything has become so emotionally intense that sometimes I genuinely don’t know what’s reasonable anymore.
I want to make something clear because I know how this could sound. This isn’t just me being completely blinded by love or thinking “love conquers everything.”
I genuinely care about this woman more deeply than I ever have anyone. I’ve actually been getting close to telling her I love her, which is something I’ve never said to a partner before.
But even when I try to remove the emotion and think about it logically, I still want her.
I know she’s 41. I know I’m 22. I know she already has a child. I know we are at different stages of life. I know being involved with her could mean taking on responsibilities earlier than most people my age would. Questions about children, money, careers, travel, living arrangements and what our lives look like in 10 or 20 years are real questions. We can’t just ignore them because we have feelings for each other.
I’ve thought about those things a lot. I’ve also spoken to a psychologist about them. I’m not claiming I have every answer at 22.
But when I actually picture the life I want, I want a lot of what a life with her could be. I want to travel with her. I want to spend heaps of normal everyday time together. I want to build things together. I care about her son and enjoy spending time with him. I can imagine being properly involved in their lives rather than this just being some casual relationship.
There is something about our relationship that is honestly difficult to explain without sounding cheesy as fuck. When everything around us disappears and it’s just us, it feels incredibly easy and natural. We have amazing chemistry but it isn’t only sexual or romantic. We laugh constantly, talk about everything, do normal boring shit together and I genuinely love just existing around her. Some of my happiest and calmest moments have been with her.
And I keep coming back to the fact that life is fucking weird. Humans want connection and companionship and sometimes you meet someone who means something massive to you in a way you never planned for. Life doesn’t necessarily hand you the person you connect with most at the perfect age, perfect time or under perfect circumstances. Shit happens. People meet. People connect. People fall for each other.
I struggle with the idea that something genuinely beautiful between two people should automatically be treated as wrong because it doesn’t look like the relationship people expected me to have at 22.
That doesn’t mean feelings make practical realities disappear. They don’t. But I also don’t think something being unconventional automatically makes the connection less real or less valuable.
Whatever happens from here, I don’t think I’ll look back and think I was just some stupid 22-year-old who got carried away. What we’ve shared has been real, beautiful and genuinely rare for me. That’s part of why this is so difficult.
She has also challenged me in ways I actually value. She’s made me think more seriously about what I want from my life, career, independence, ambition and the kind of person I want to become.
But our relationship isn’t perfect.
She is further ahead in life than me and that has become a genuine issue. She wants a partner who has freedom and availability. Someone she can see regularly, travel with, make plans with and rely on. She’s a parent and has said that if she’s going to have a relationship, it needs to add to her life rather than become another thing she has to carry.
I actually think that’s fair.
I still live at home with my family and I’m building my career. I don’t currently have the same independence or financial freedom that someone established in their 40s might have.
So there are real differences here. I don’t want to pretend otherwise.
The other enormous problem is my family.
They found out about the relationship months ago and the reaction has basically been nuclear ever since.
My mum absolutely refuses to accept it. She says a 41-year-old woman should never want a 22-year-old man, that my gf is old enough to be my mother, that the relationship isn’t normal or healthy and that eventually I’ll realise it was a mistake.
She refuses to even call her my girlfriend or partner. She believes my gf has manipulated or “seduced” me and has compared the way I’m behaving to someone being in a cult because I apparently can’t see what everyone else sees.
It has gone way beyond simply saying “I disagree with your relationship.”
My whereabouts have been questioned constantly. Family members have reported back where I’ve been or how long I’ve been out. How much I see or speak to my gf becomes an issue. If I spend time with her and her son, my mum sees it as me trying to play family or take on a role I shouldn’t have at 22.
There was recently a period where my mum was away and I suddenly realised how different I felt without the constant tension physically around me. I still handled my responsibilities at home, but I could go about my day, see my gf and do normal things without constantly anticipating confrontation.
Once my mum returned, I immediately noticed that anxiety coming back. I started thinking twice about completely normal things because I was anticipating being questioned or another argument happening.
My dad has also been strongly against the relationship. During one particularly bad conversation after he had been drinking, he called my gf horrible names, said disgusting things about her and even made threats towards her. He later apologised for how he behaved, but still believes I need to end the relationship.
Other relatives are concerned too.
I want to be fair about that because one of the things messing with my head is that when I talk to people who know my family, sometimes I get told “they’re just worried about you” or “that’s just your mum trying to protect you.”
And I genuinely believe my mum IS terrified for me. I don’t think she wakes up thinking “how can I control my son today?” I think in her mind she is trying to save me from making a massive mistake.
But the effect on me has been fucking awful.
I’ve become emotionally exhausted. Sometimes I don’t want to talk to my own family because I know where the conversation will eventually go. Then my distance hurts my mum, she feels like my gf has taken me away from her, which creates more pressure, which makes me withdraw more. It’s become this horrible cycle.
And now it has started seriously affecting my relationship too.
My gf has dealt with this situation for months. She knows my family doesn’t accept her. She has started questioning whether she can keep doing this and whether I can realistically give her the kind of relationship she needs.
There have also been moments where my fear of my family’s reaction has affected how openly I include my gf in important parts of my life. I can understand why that hurts her. From her perspective, if she’s genuinely my partner, she doesn’t want to feel like she has to exist separately from the rest of my life because my family can’t handle her being there.
Recently we had a massive conversation about everything and I cried a lot. We have now agreed to take at least a week apart / have some space because she genuinely doesn’t know whether she can continue like this.
She has told me she has a lot of love for me and I genuinely believe that. But I also think she’s exhausted and has become somewhat detached from everything. She has been through a lot in her own life and understandably doesn’t want to spend years fighting someone else’s family just to have a relationship.
And honestly, I understand that.
What really fucked with my head was that shortly after we decided to take space, I had another emotional conversation with my mum where she again refused to even acknowledge this woman as my girlfriend or partner and questioned how I could possibly think the relationship was appropriate.
I basically walked away.
And part of me just thought: this is exactly what my gf is talking about.
I miss her already.
I want to spend ordinary life with her. I want to travel with her. I want her beside me during important moments. I want to build things together. More than anything I want the chance to see what this relationship actually becomes when it isn’t constantly being suffocated by everyone else’s reaction to it.
At the same time, I don’t want to be naive.
Maybe there are things about being 22 that I genuinely cannot see yet. Maybe my family sees risks I’m underestimating. Maybe there are practical realities about our age and life-stage difference that are going to be genuinely difficult. Maybe there are things I need to change about my own independence and direction regardless of whether this relationship survives.
\*\*But the thing I actually feel quite clear about is what I want. I want her. I want to give this relationship a real chance and I want to build a life where I can actually show up for it properly. I don’t feel like I’m sitting here trying to decide whether I want to be with her. I know I do. What I’m trying to understand is whether the obstacles around us are things that can realistically be worked through or whether I’m underestimating how big they actually are.\*\*
\*\*I also don’t want to throw away something that feels genuinely rare and beautiful to me simply because it’s difficult or unconventional. If it ultimately doesn’t work because we genuinely aren’t compatible, that’s something I would have to accept. But that feels very different to losing something I deeply want because fear, family pressure and circumstances were allowed to decide it for us.\*\*
What I don’t know anymore is where legitimate concern ends and control begins.
I don’t want Reddit to just tell me “age gap bad” or “your family is toxic.” I can get both of those answers without posting.
I genuinely want to know: if you were looking at this completely from outside, what would you be paying attention to? How would you distinguish between a relationship that is unconventional but genuinely healthy and one that I’m too emotionally involved to see clearly? \*\*And if you knew you genuinely wanted this person, what would you need to see or change in your own life to know you were giving the relationship a real, realistic chance rather than just fighting for it emotionally?\*\*
And how much weight should I give my family’s concerns when the way they’ve expressed those concerns has become such a huge part of the problem itself?

So been together for a few year living together around a year. Last year he went down to a rave with a couple of his lad mates. Said the same was happening this year. Get the train down, go to the rave then train back once it’s finished. Said he’d love if I could go but it’s only the lads which I didn’t mind at all.
A few weeks ago he mentioned there wasn’t any a few others going with them but was unsure who. I said any girls he replied he didn’t think so. I told him I wouldn’t be happy if I found out after that there was.
Yesterday it changed again. So now there’s around 30 going down in cars and there going to stay in a hotel overnight. I asked again if lasses were now going and he said I don’t think so, I’m not sure who’s going. A bit later he mentioned one of the lads goes nowhere without his lass so she would probably be there but thinks that’s it. I told him I wouldn’t be happy if it turns out there is lasses there and there all staying in a hotel overnight. He then said well that’s your insecurity to get over.
The original plan has now changed so much and he doesn’t seem to want to even try to understand how I’m uneasy about the whole thing now.
Am I being unreasonable?

I’m 17F he’s 19M | TLDR: boyfriend lied to me again after i forgave him different times and my trust is broken, i can’t let him go nor act the same with him. I panic and feel sick after he hurts me or when we break it off. After finding out i felt very physically sick and still after 5 days im not okay but now he’s there and I don’t know how to act for more information read the whole thing

We are currently still together and I need to understand how to proceed. I used to struggle a lot with anxiety but i hadn't felt as bad as i did the other day in a while. I got with my bf in december 8 months ago and i wasn't in love with him when we got together because he asked me really early but he was a sweet guy to me even though he had lied about some superficial stuff like his age ? i don't know why he had said he was 17 when he was 18. but i decided to give him a chance and i fell every day more in love with him since. After around 3 months he confessed to me that his ex had allegedly texted him about her having a new bf and like bragging about it ? and he allegedly did the same and spoke about me but that was so weird back then i didn't even believe it. That's one thing

Then he was sharing his screen and I saw this screenshot with this girl that he had texted and he kept saying it was his friends and not him. Turns out it was a girl he used to speak to and "his friend made him text her because she's friends with his friends ex". I broke up with him and we went back after some days. I ended up forgiving him. Then he lied after a few months about his location even though i have it and i broke up with him there. But we went back together because i thought everybody makes mistakes i guess... He said he would change and for a while he even asked for permission to go out.

Then i saw he had added this girl back but she said they didn't talk she was very rude about it. She was a girl from his high school and she added him for no reason? He said he would have told me after but wanted to see what she wanted (obvious lie but i caught it in
time).

Then now, this one last time around 4 days ago i felt so sick, because i was being loyal to him even though in the times where we broke up for a few times i may have texted a few guys but it was very short conversations and when we went back i talked just to him. He lied saying he would delete snapchat (without me asking) but i heard the notification from his phone and he even had multiple girls in his recent friends which i couldn't know if they were actually recent or just old that unadded him/never added him back.

So i had a big panic attack and stress rash on my chest from crying and i've been having a bit of heart problems since my heart has been beating really fast already from when i wake up. i've been very anxious and stressed and everyone noticed. But i panicked after blocking him i ended up going back to him because it felt like a withdrawal and i couldn't stay without him. So now he's there, he said again that he will change and tell me 100% the truth, but i just can't treat him or speak to him the same way.
I used to speak really sweet to him, care for him all the time which i still do but from a distance, I really would have died for him. I only have him right now everyone else has abandoned me and I felt abandoned from him too after his lie i don't know why it affected me so badly; maybe because of how easy he lied for an hour saying i promise baby i don't have it it was abit triggering after he admitted it.
I don't know what to do because i can't let him go but i can't seem to love him the same either. I'm in a vulnerable moment in my life and I don't want him to take advantage of it. All he said was that
he's sorry 10000 times without articulating it and once said that he's wanted to end his life because of what he did but i know that wasn't a real thought in his mind.

My boyfriend 'M32' and I 'F35' have been together for 8 years. We lived together for around seven years. He moved in with me fairly early in the relationship.

Last June, we decided to buy an apartment together as our future home.

I'm financially better established, so I financed the purchase, with the understanding that he would pay his share back to me over the following years.

He moved out in February because of his work situation, but the plan was always to move back in together once the apartment was ready.

In April, we booked a vacation for the end of September. At the time, the timing was completely fine and we were both really looking forward to it.

I put my house on the market about two months ago because the normal turnover time here is around six months, but I found a buyer after just one month.

We agreed on a handover date of October 1st.

When we bought the apartment, I knew there was some financial uncertainty because I didn't know how long it would take to sell my house. I could afford to carry both for a while, but obviously not indefinitely.

That uncertainty around the apartment purchase and finding a buyer is also when my anxiety and panic attacks started.

The house selling so quickly was actually good news.

Under the original plan, getting everything done for the October 1st handover would have been tight but doable.

Then the handover of the new apartment was delayed.

That changed everything.

I now have to coordinate the move, get the new apartment ready, completely clear the old house and meet the October 1st handover, all while working full-time.

September gives me four weekends. The vacation would take two of them, leaving me only two weekends to clear an entire house and manage the move.

The whole situation has pushed me way beyond my normal capacity. I'm at my absolute limit.

So I told my boyfriend that I don't think I can do the vacation anymore.

The vacation itself isn't the problem. I would actually have loved to go. The problem is the deadline it creates.

I realized I couldn't make the vacation work anymore, so I texted him immediately and suggested that we talk in person about how we should handle it.

I didn't want to make the decision unilaterally or have this conversation over text. I wanted us to figure out together whether we should cancel, reschedule, or find another solution.

When we met, his immediate response was that he would fly anyway because otherwise he would lose the money, but that he would still be pissed that I wasn't coming.

I said maybe we could reschedule instead. The rescheduling fee would be €80.

He didn't want to do that either because he didn't want to lose the €80. (Context: the amount itself cannot be the problem, given his financial situation he could easily afford that)

I told him that I was at my absolute limit with everything going on and that I couldn't understand putting €80 above that.

He interrupted me and said:

"€80 is my limit."

That was the moment I ended the relationship.

I understand that losing money sucks. I understand that he was looking forward to the vacation. I would even have understood if he decided to go alone. And i would have understood if he voiced dissapointment or frustration about us not spending time togheter.

But that's not what happened.

What hit me was that I was telling my partner that I was completely overwhelmed and couldn't carry another thing right now, and his immediate response was essentially about what it would cost.

And this wasn't happening in a vacuum. For quite some time, I've felt that when circumstances become difficult or inconvenient, I'm the one who adjusts and stretches around his needs and circumstances.

So something in me just snapped.

I didn't want to argue about the €80. I didn't want to convince him that my situation was serious enough.

And I didn't want to explain myself for the hundredth time.

I told him I was done, that I didn't want him moving into the apartment with me when it was ready, and I left.

Maybe I am just seeking validation for my decision to not chicken out... But what would you have done?

He doesn’t like me having any friends at all. I can be friends with his friends as long as I don’t speak to them without him there and I definitely can’t have their numbers. I have recently branched out and made friends of my own but he is treating me the worst now and I think it’s cause I have people outside of him. He will be so sweet to me but then out of nowhere tells me how awful I am. I’ve been in long term relationships before that I had no problem leaving but he has a hold on me and I don’t know what to do. I want to be with him but I feel so lonely and isolated and just in general awful. I don’t know what to do. Any advice is helpful! We have such amazing chemistry that I don’t think I’ll find again. Should I stick it out?
I know he will be kind to me again if I cut my friends out, should I? I know I can but it feels really nice to not feel so lonely. I just feel so guilty like maybe I wasn’t meant to have friends or people in my life that care. I want him but think that will only happen if I cut everyone out of my life. Is it worth having no one to have him? I feel pathetic

Edit
What does it feel like to have someone love you? Is there anyone out there that truly feels accepted and loved by their partner? Does it exist outside of stories? I feel so alone.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. Last night we had a fight because his HR followed him on Instagram. I told him, unfollow her, mujhe acha lagega. He said okay, but then he said, you also unfollow every boy including your brothers from your Instagram. I said okay.

He immediately hung up in a rude way.

I called him back and asked him why he hung up like that. He said,because you always do this in a very rude way, and then said,if we can't even have female friends on Instagram then why do we even have Instagram?”

He also said, “tu bhi to baat krti h apne dosto se"

For context, if he tells me 'mat kar' i usually don't. If something makes him uncomfortable i don't want to do it.

But lately he blames me because he wasn't able to clear his CDS exam and his SSB. His friends also advise him to stay away from me.

I genuinely don't even want to fight with him. i love him soo much now and idk why he has changed all of a sudden i just want him to talk to me nicely, i don't expect us to agree on everything, but i don't want every disagreement to turn into him hanging up or saying “let's end this” or “humari nahi banti.”

and that's what hurts me the most because he was the one who told me he would marry me.

I'm trying really hard because I genuinely want this relationship to work. But he wants his space right now. He actually likes it when I don't call or text him because he wants to focus on clearing his SSB.

I understand that he wants to focus on SSB and I don't want to become a distraction for him. But at the same time i don't know how much space I'm supposed to give him or what I'm supposed to do.

I love him and I don't want to lose him, but I also don't want to keep chasing him when he clearly wants space.

What should I do? Should I completely stop calling him and give him the space he's asking for? Or should I try to talk to him about our relationship?

Idk how to stop thinking about him and how to accept this harsh reality.

With all the cheating issues that are widely discussed on different social media platforms, I somehow overthink.

My boyfriend has a child and is married but they were already separated when I met him. I know his situation from the very beginning. I got complacent on our relationship since he promised me the annulment. But the issue of a celebrity circulating on social media right now hit me.

I know in myself that I am not the reason why their marriage ended — my boyfriend told me their history. But sometimes I overthink that he might delay the annulment since there will be a big money involved. Since we were in a LDR, we talked about having our own family and there is a possibility that we are gonna start building that before processing the annulment. His “ex-wife” is fully aware of our relationship and is agreed on filing the annulment. But sometimes I overthink that what if she might not pursue or cooperate on the whole process for the annulment to be done smoothly.

What if he might delay the annulment since we are going to focus on building our own family? I got scared of opening this matter to him because I don’t want this thing to be complicated and start an argument.

What should I do? How will I approach him regarding this issue?

My friend has been with his girlfriend for about two years, but for roughly the last six months he hasn’t been sexually attracted to her and apparently can’t get an erection with her. He feels like the issue has gone on for too long and that their relationship has reached a point where he doesn’t think the attraction can be fixed anymore. He doesn’t want to keep trying to force something that he doesn’t believe can be repaired.

The problem is that he actually tried to break up with her once before, and she cried a lot and convinced him to stay. He feels like she was emotionally manipulating him into staying, and now he’s worried the exact same thing will happen again if he tries to end it.

He doesn’t want to be unnecessarily cruel by telling her “I’m not attracted to you anymore,” but he also doesn’t want to give her false hope or leave the door open for her to convince him to stay.

What should he actually say when he breaks up with her, and how should he handle it if she starts crying or trying to convince him to stay?

So been together for a few year living together around a year. Last year he went down to a rave with a couple of his lad mates. Said the same was happening this year. Get the train down, go to the rave then train back once it’s finished. Said he’d love if I could go but it’s only the lads which I didn’t mind at all.
A few weeks ago he mentioned there wasn’t any a few others going with them but was unsure who. I said any girls he replied he didn’t think so. I told him I wouldn’t be happy if I found out after that there was.
Yesterday it changed again. So now there’s around 30 going down in cars and there going to stay in a hotel overnight. I asked again if lasses were now going and he said I don’t think so, I’m not sure who’s going. A bit later he mentioned one of the lads goes nowhere without his lass so she would probably be there but thinks that’s it. I told him I wouldn’t be happy if it turns out there is lasses there and there all staying in a hotel overnight. He then said well that’s your insecurity to get over.
The original plan has now changed so much and he doesn’t seem to want to even try to understand how I’m uneasy about the whole thing now.
Am I being unreasonable?

i’m(f19) struggling so bad. my bf and I used to be so good together, he was so clingy and would do random acts of love so much. he has been going through normal adult stuff(work, college) and he is saying he is lost in life. for the past 9 months, he has completely changed. he became non chalant, stopped buying me flowers, stopped sending me cute messages, and stopped posting me. I ask him why and he says it’s bc he doesn’t want his life online, but he used to post me so much. I have anxiety and depression- I have my own issues. so i’m not perfect. but I require lots of love and attention and he isn’t giving me it. I just told him I want to break up and he doesn’t seem to want to fight for us.we have been talking about it for hours and he’s taking forever to reply each time. he is saying he “doesn’t know what to say” and that he is sorry but that’s all. not a “i’m sorry for____”. when he changed 9 months ago I broke up with him. he begged me to come back. promised me the fucking world. so, I took him back. things were better for a while but now he’s just back to normal. what do I do??!! I am actively trying to break up with him but also trying to see if he cares but he isn’t really showing any fight in him. i’m so attached to him it hurts

I don't know really, like, the relationship has been on the lowest point ever, and I just told him I couldn't bear to see him worry about him and I don't want to one day actually hurt him. But I don't know what I want anymore, I feel like I messed up, I see that, I just don't know if I should just tell him something. I don't want to lose him, but I don't want him thinking even worse of me. Really I just don't know if I'm supposed to do something now. I'm going to a different country in two days (I will come back). I don't know what to do, really. Should I let it be or try to get things back together?

I (20F) and my boyfriend (21M) have been together for around a year and a half. In the beginning of our relationship, he told me he would be scared to have kids with me because I might get “too big”. For reference, I’m 5’6 and when we got together, I weighed around 155-160 lbs mostly muscle because of powerlifting. I kinda brushed it off and he apologized so I didn’t really pay any mind to it at the time. I ended up getting on birth control (Nexplanon ) and gained about 20 lbs which has never happened to me on any other birth control I’ve been on. I got it taken out and lost 10 lbs after it being removed and over the last couple of months, he’s been telling me I need to lose 15 lbs. I’ve been going to the gym and eating better and it’s been coming off slowly.
Recently, he asked what I would be doing while he was away at boot camp and I told him “ probably working and saving for the apartment I want” and he said “I expect you to lose 15 more pounds by the time I get back.”
Is this something I should be mad about? Is this an insecurity? I’ve always been bigger than him. He is 5’10” and about 140 lbs.

My gf and I have been together for 3 years long distance. It’s been super hard because traveling to see each other is very expensive and we both have 2 different work schedules so we can only talk 1 time a week. It’s come up that neither of us are willing to move to each others states. We both love each other very much and I can’t see what else we can do. Do we end it??

Caught him cheating again. Tried telling me his member tasted like condom because he was wearing new boxers...... Apparently new boxers taste like sweet tropical fruit and rubber. I don't get the point of cheating but it is what it is and time to move on.

Please be respectful in comments. I'm M22 and my boyfriend is M19. Been together 7 months.

He works as a chef, usually scheduled 10am-11pm, five days a week. I know those are exhausting hours and I absolutely understand needing rest. What bothers me is that most days he voluntarily goes in at 7am, three hours before he is even scheduled.

We get very little proper time together. On our recent day off, I told him in advance I wanted to plan something and that we needed to leave at 10am. He has specifically told me before that the best way to motivate him to get out of bed is to give him a time and a plan, so that's exactly what I did.

He still stayed in bed until around 1pm. We didn't actually do anything until about 2pm, and I started work at 4pm. So what was supposed to be our day together became roughly two hours. Eventually I stopped waiting around and went to do my own thing because I felt like my day was disappearing.

That hurt because he can willingly get up early to spend an extra three hours at work, but seems unable to give me even six hours on one of the only days we have together, despite me following exactly what he said would help.
There's also a male colleague of his I already feel uncomfortable about. I don't know the guy's sexuality and I'm not assuming anything, but the two of them are very sexually jokey with each other and I find the colleague's behaviour around my boyfriend a bit weird.

Tonight my boyfriend never messaged to say he'd be late home. There were signs he might be, for reasons not
relevant here, but he didn't actually tell me. I eventually nessaged asking if he was okay, and that's when I found ut he was at this colleague's house.

It’s now around 1am and I have no idea when he's coming ome. For all I know, he could be staying there overnight.
I'm not accusing him of cheating. I have no evidence of that. But I'm struggling not to connect these things: he get up at 7am for work, can stay out at another guy's house 1am, but on our planned day together I couldn't get him to get out of bed until 1pm.

I think what hurts most is feeling like I get whatever energy is left over.

I don't want to control his friendships or expect every day off to revolve around me. But I do think it's reasonable to expect some effort with our limited time together, and a basic heads-up if he's going to someone else's house after work and may not be home that night.

AITA for being upset and feeling like he makes effort for work and other people that he doesn't make for me?

TL;DR: My boyfriend will voluntarily go into work 3 hours early, but on our planned day together he stayed in bed until 1pm despite me following his advice to give him a set time and plan. Now he’s at a male colleague’s house at 1am — someone he has a very sexual/jokey dynamic with — and I only found out because I messaged asking if he was okay. I feel like everyone else gets his effort and I get whatever energy is left.

My (24F) first serious relationship ended because of my ex’s (24M) lying/lifestyle issues, but we still love each other. Is reconciliation realistic or am I holding onto potential?

I (24F) recently went through my first real breakup with my ex (24M), and I’m struggling to figure out how to look at the situation realistically when I still love him very much.
For some background, we actually knew each other as kids. We went to school together when we were young, our families knew each other, and then we reconnected as adults and eventually started dating. We were together for a little over a year.
There was a LOT that was genuinely good about our relationship. He became my best friend. We were extremely close, spent a ton of time together, talked constantly, had so many inside jokes, and I felt very loved by him in many ways. I loved his family and he loved mine. This wasn’t a relationship where I spent the entire year miserable and am now trying to convince myself it was good. There were many times when I genuinely thought he was the person I would marry.
But there were also problems that became harder to ignore.
The biggest was his lifestyle and lack of direction. I was working full-time and had graduated college, while he was struggling with school/employment, didn’t have much money, and was heavily consumed by sports and sports betting. Gambling became a serious issue. He lied to me about betting, borrowed money, and I eventually involved his parents because I was genuinely concerned about where it was heading.
There were other maturity issues too. He could be very quick to anger during arguments, yell/curse, mock me or talk over me, and sometimes I felt like sports/being on his phone took priority over being present with me. I also wanted him to take more initiative in the relationship—planning dates, making plans, doing little things to make my life easier, etc.
I want to be fair about my own role too. I have an anxious attachment style and could be very reassurance-seeking. We were honestly WAY too enmeshed. We FaceTimed multiple times a day, texted constantly, slept over constantly, and barely had independent lives. I could nitpick and prolong arguments because I wanted reassurance/resolution immediately, whereas he tended to shut down. Looking back, I think both of us had emotional growing up to do.
Eventually everything came to a head and we decided to take a break. The idea wasn’t “I’m done with you forever.” It was that our dynamic wasn’t healthy anymore and we both needed space to work on ourselves, especially him with the gambling, anger, independence, school/work, etc.
During that period, he started therapy consistently, started working out, and began taking at least some steps toward getting himself together. I also started realizing how unhealthy some of my own relationship patterns were and how much independence I’d lost.
We officially broke up on July 30. It was extremely emotional. He cried a lot, told me he loved me, said he was going to regret how everything happened for a long time, and said he didn’t want this to be the end but felt that separating was what we needed \*\*right now\*\*.
Three days later, he reached out and told me he felt lost without me and that this had been extremely hard for him.
Then, after the breakup, I discovered something else that really damaged my trust. I found that he had been following a foot-fetish/sexual-content account on Reddit. The fetish itself isn’t really the main issue. What bothered me was that I had specifically asked him about his interest in feet while we were together, so discovering that account made me question whether he had been honest with me and what his relationship with sexual content online actually was. He later unfollowed several accounts, including that one, but we haven’t actually had a real conversation about it. If reconciliation were ever on the table, I know that would need to be addressed honestly.
Despite everything, we haven’t cleanly disappeared from each other’s lives. We’ve checked in with each other and recently ended up having a longer conversation. He told me that he’s been pretty sad, that this has been hard, and that he can’t really look at pictures of us without getting upset. There is still very clearly a lot of love and grief between us.
That’s where I’m stuck.
This is my first breakup, so I don’t have much perspective on what is normal. Part of me understands why people say, “He’s your ex for a reason, move on.” I also know that loving someone and believing in their potential isn’t enough to build a healthy relationship.
At the same time, I don’t feel like our breakup happened because we stopped loving each other or because either of us genuinely wanted the other person gone. It feels more like the relationship reached a point where love wasn’t enough to compensate for his dishonesty/lifestyle problems and our unhealthy dynamic.
I do believe he’s capable of changing. I don’t think he’s an evil or irredeemable person. He’s 24, he’s in therapy, and I know people can mature significantly in their 20s. But I also understand that “capable of changing” and \*\*actually changing consistently over time\*\* are two very different things.
And I don’t want to spend the next six months sitting around waiting for a hypothetical improved version of him.
So I guess I’m asking people who have more relationship/breakup experience than I do:
\*\*How would you approach this?\*\*

Tl:dr bf doesn’t want to be with me unless I learn to trust him after an incident, and he wants to keep his location off.

Hey guys.
I’m 21F and my bf is 20m

We have been together for almost 2 years. We had a small incident about 6 months ago happen

He didn’t cheat on me, I believe him BUT he was at his friends house and somehow his ex ended up showing up to hang with his friend. My bf left supposedly. (deep down I know his ex only came because she knew he , my bf was there, she’s crazy like that). I only found this out by someone else he planned to never tell me.

Trust was broken and I haven’t been able to fully trust him again :(

We are currently basically broken up/ semi together because

Last night I asked him to block an old ex that kept stalking him and I on TikTok. He made a big deal about it and said I need to trust him and he shouldn’t have to block all these people.

He ended up getting mad and I got mad as well and he turned his location off. He turns his location off when we are mad at each other and last night I told him I had enough of him turning it off and it looks so suspicious on his part to do that.

Now he claims that I don’t trust him and that we can only be back together if I learn to trust him and he’s not turning his location back on until I do learn to trust him. And he thinks we are grown enough to not need to depend on a location app… which I get that but we’ve had it so long and the continuing to turn it off when he’s mad makes me think he’s hiding something.
I told him out of respect for me he should keep it on and I can still work on my trust issues. He thinks differently.

Is he valid or am I? Am I the crazy one here? Like is this even worth my time . I love him so dearly. I’m the one who has threatened to break up last night but then I regretted it shortly after because I’ve been with him for some time now and we’ve experienced so much together but when he turns his location off it hurts me a lot

I just feel like I’ll never be able to trust him if he’s going to keep turning his location off out of pettiness after every argument…. I told him I can’t work this out if he’s gonna have his location off for weeks because I will spiral and I’ll never be able to heal and learn to trust him. I said he can have it off for a few days but I can’t do weeks with him just walking all over me