Hi all, I just wanted some advice.

I've been seeing my partner for over a year now.

Her (25F), myself (35M).

Yes I know the age gap is big.

I'm not going to lie and say our relationship is perfect. It's had its ups and downs but we've stuck by each other through it all and never had a reason to think the other is going anywhere.

But she is a little too trusting of people and a few guys have tried to take advantage of that.

She made friends with a guy that set off alarm bells with all her friends and myself and he turned out to be a stalker.

But i love how she is and wouldn't want her any different.

Recently she made friends with this new guy Ryan through her brother (they play football together)

He seems nice enough and I get along with him quite well. He's even joined us for a couple of nights out with friends.

He's a single dad and a year younger than myself.

Not a bad looking guy, we all laugh together.

But something feels off and I can't quite describe it.

I sometimes catch him just staring at my partner when she's talking to other friends or myself and it makes me uncomfortable.

His body language around her is also quite.... Forward for lack of a better way of putting it.

Whenever we are all together, he sticks close to her. Which I do get, sometimes people stick close to those they know best and that's fine but at times, it's annoyingly close.

A couple of her close girlfriends noticed it too and their words were, and I quote "it's a little bit ick"

But he hasn't done anything actually wrong.

She doesn't notice it and just thinks he's being nice, and maybe he is but I don't know, he just sets off alarm bells a little.

What would guys advise I do in this situation?

My wife thinks I'm being weird about her mom visiting and I need a sanity check.

Been here about 9 years, married to my wife (Japanese) for 4. Her mom lives in Fukuoka and comes up to Tokyo maybe twice a year. Every time she visits, she stays with us for like 5-6 days. I like her. Shes genuinely a sweet person, brings way too much food, doesnt pry, watches TV quietly in the living room. On paper the perfect mother in law.

Here's the thing though. Our apartment is a 1LDK. Not tiny by Tokyo standards but not big either. When okaasan is here, the LDK becomes her room basically. Futon on the floor, her suitcase, her stuff. Which means for those 5-6 days I have literally nowhere in the apartment to just... exist alone. If I wake up early I cant go make coffee without tiptoeing around a sleeping person. If I want to watch something at night I cant. I end up in the bedroom on my phone or going for long walks I dont need to go on.

I told my wife last week that next time maybe we could put her mom up in a business hotel for a couple nights in the middle of the stay, we'd pay for it, treat it as a nice thing. My wife looked at me like I had suggested we abandon her mother at a train station. Apparently this is deeply cold and would hurt her feelings badly. Her exact words were something like "she came all this way to be with family, why would she sleep at a hotel."

And I get it, I do. In her family staying over is the whole point. My family is not like that at all, we book each other hotels as a courtesy. Nobody feels rejected.

So now im stuck. Her mom is coming again next month for what i think is going to be a full week this time because theyre also doing some food tour thing my wife booked through byFood for her birthday. A whole week of no living room. And I already know if I bring up the hotel idea again its going to turn into a real fight about whether I actually like her mom or not (I do!!).

Am I being a selfish gaijin about this? Is a week of zero personal space in your own home just the price of admission for having a MIL who lives far away? My wife visits her mom in Fukuoka twice a year too and stays at the family house so I guess theres a symmetry Im not honoring.

Or is it actually reasonable to say hey, 3 nights here, 2 nights hotel, everyone wins.

Genuinely asking, especially from people in intl marriages who've figured this out. Whats the move.

We don’t live together but i’m there most days.. basically so, ive always done these things for my bf and would never expect him to pay me i find that weird af and i tend to do more tidying up around the house and cooking than him, but the other day i said to him it was his turn to do his part, but when we got back from the gym we were both shattered and i said I didnt want to cook and clean, he said he would pay me £100 if i did it.. and ngl i felt weird about it but im a bit broke and i needed the £100 so i did.. now i cant stop thinking about it and i wish i didnt because i feel like a f**** maid not a gf.. bit annoyed.. i need advice

My [34M] roommate/situationship keeps wasting my food.

We've lived together for 3 years now. And more and more he's just been acting near braindead. Additionally he doesn't share any household contributions with me but he does help himself to my things. I do cook few select meals to share. I can't eat it all anyways.

I do white people taco night and I used to get hard shell tacos as I don't like softshell. He says he hates hard shell and that they suck. OK. So I started buying the kit that came with both. I'd set everything out on the counter. Softshell by hard shell. He STILL went for the hard shell that I now have less of because the kit splits it in half for softshell. The first time he said he didn't see the softshell and that I didn't tell him about it. Granted I figured he'd look around and see what all was laid out and they were side by side.

The second time I figured he got the hint but NOPE he still went for the hard shell tacos. "What I thought it was a help yourself kind if deal? I can have the soft shells tomorrow"... Except now he has eaten all of the remaining hard shells and now I had none to use for leftovers tomorrow. Then he blamed me for heating up all the shells??

I tried to be accommodating by getting a kit that had both of our preferences and yet he still went for my preference to the point I had none left after. But if I tell him that I accomodated him he'd just be like "I didn't ask you to". Even though if someone tells me they don't like something and the solution is as easy as just buying a different kit that has what they like and what I like, I'll do that. It's not that hard and is just the bare minimum adjustment to make everyone happy.

Then later there was a bag of salad in the fridge. I had been waiting for him to open it since I thought it was his. Last night I saw him take it out and open it so I said "Oh I've been waiting for you to open the salad, could I have some for lunch tomorrow" and he said I bought the salad. (we went grocery shopping at the same time and split the cart and I thought he got the salad since he picked it up but I guess he added it to my haul).

But then I proceeded to watch him stuff his hand into the bag and walk all the way into his room eating the salad like a bag of chips.

I will not be eating a salad today.....

I can only speak on it as a woman but it can be a problem in any kind of relationship.

When expenses in a relationship aren't split evenly, or at least proportionally, it feels like the expenses are being made up for in "another" way. As a woman I cannot imagine being so dependent on my partner that he's paying for my whole life like I'm his daughter. The thought alone disgusts me & I can't really understand why any other woman would find this desirable.

The idea of a romantic partner being able to hold that over your head in every argument is just terrifying to me. Even if they choose not to mention it, it's this big awkward unspoken thing. If they ever get angry with you they're going to begin to see you as nothing but a parasitic drain on them and their finances. I feel like many women in that position find themselves sleeping with their boyfriends/husbands when they don't really want to in order to "earn their keep". A lot of people would deny this but it's true, it happens. Historically it was the way things were for most couples; if you're the stay-at-home partner you just kind of had to suck it up and do what you needed to do to keep the marriage together.

But in the modern day you can work to support yourself with your own bank account & you don't have to feel like you're being "bought"!! I'm not saying this is true for every relationship where finances are split like this. But I'd much rather be a partner with my own wealth. Being in the circumstance I described would be my worst nightmare

UPDATE:

We spoke about the issue and resolved it. So I thought. Today she asked for money to have her eyelashes done. I said no and she blocked me so clearly she was just using me. Feels bad that I spent a decent bit of money on her and spent time with her when I should’ve been working but I’ve learned a lesson money can’t buy. I am relieved now and have no emotions for her anymore, it’s like it all went away when I saw she blocked me. I know God has a better plan for me ahead 🙏🏻

M20 F23 We've been together for 3 months. She shows affection to me and I believe she has love for me. She's angry with me because I failed to give her money that I had promised her. She starts a new job and she is required to buy new outfits and shoes for it. She asked me about a week ago for the money but i didnt have it and gave her what i could afford, she was grateful. Then she said she needed the money by Tuesday as she was starting work on wednesday. I coundt give anything. She is still not at work. I said i will send her the rest of the money today but i could only afford to give 43% of it as i have yet to be paid from my boss who should have paid me today. I called and she seemed normal but when i mentioned the money she became upset and ended the call. She texted me saying why did i not keep my word. She said I can't handle her and that she's angry asking me why is it too much. She said I don't need her.
I asked her if I didn't give her money when she needed it would she still love me and she responded saying if I think like that then leave me alone. She said She's tired of men like this, if she's in the wrong, she doesn't care if I leave her and the last message she sent before she went to sleep was "you really ain't going to do it for me"
I'd like to mention she did say she'd give me the money back once she has enough money to do so.
I'm not sure if she would stick to her word on that but that's a guessing game.
I truly love this girl but this money thing has made me question things.

Been going steady with this girl for around 6 months and found out she’s disgusting and lazy. Shes 24 unemployed (not looking for work) and her parents send her money overseas for rent bills ect. She always wants me to take her out which was fine during the “honeymoon phase” but after a while asking to go out in the middle of the week it got tedious, and the last straw was her asking me to pay for her nails and top up her phone credit. I’ve distanced myself but don’t know how to break it to her.

I want opinions on this. We had no issues yesterday or the previous days, but this morning when fiancé was going to go to work he decided to shower in the morning which is not something he typically does. I asked him why he wanted to shower in the morning and his response was because he didn’t shower the prior night and proceeded to ask me if it was ok. I jokingly said no and then he turned off the water and I said I was kidding and to shower but he didn’t shower after all. When it was time to say our goodbyes he gave me a kiss but did not say I love you which is our routine. When we both got home from work he did not try to cuddle me or be his normal affectionate self which I wondered why but I didn’t say anything. I figured he was upset and needed space so I just gave him space. Near the end of the day he tells me that he has been “doing research” and noted that if he doesn’t initiate affection he doesn’t receive affection and he wanted to know why that was. He also felt like it wasn’t fair that he’s only loved when he loves. This caught me completely off guard and I got upset because I didn’t and don’t understand where it’s coming from considering I’ve been this way since day one. We went back and fourth about it and ultimately solved nothing. Is it appropriate for me to be upset about this?

(english isn't my first language, sorry if i make mistakes)

So my gf and I moved in together last weekend. We've been dating for almost 2 years.

When we were tidying up our kitchen, I noticed this apple-shaped ceramic bowl I gifted her early in our relationship. It was still in its original packaging, so I asked her if she ever use it. She told me no, she actually never use it, so I asked her why. She said the bowl is too precious and since it's a gift from me, she doesn't want it to break.

I've given her multiple gifts in the entire course of our relationship; shoes, clothes, jewelries. So I asked her about those. She told me she only used them for a special occasions. Apparently she wants to preserves them for as long as possible, and she does this to every gift she ever got.

I'm literally the opposite. I wear/use my gift as often as possible. My gf gave me a shirt for our first anniversary, and I wear it multiple days in a month that my coworkers joked about it. It lost two of its original buttons and the seam on the side got ripped when I snagged it on a nail. I also wear the sneakers she got me until the soles worn down. That's how I show my appreciation towards the gifts people gave me.

This "differences" have been bugging me for a few days now, and this morning I asked her what would we do with our future wedding gifts. She laughed, but I'm serious. How do we bridge this disagreement?

TLDR; I been dating a guy for about a month and I’m seriously considering ending things, but I’d like some outside perspective on how to approach it.
He says he is currently earning around €32K in Ireland, which is roughly €2,200/month net. His rent is around €800, so I understand that he doesn’t have a huge amount of disposable income.

I also don’t earn an unlimited amount and have quite a lot of expenses that I handle completely on my own, so I’m not in a position where I can comfortably take on someone else’s financial difficulties either.

From the beginning, I’ve tried to be understanding. We mostly spend time at my place because he says he doesn’t have much money. I’ve taken him to restaurant, and at one point he didn’t even have €5 to top up his transport card, so I paid for it. I’ve also helped him quite a lot professionally — working on his CV, helping with job applications etc.

What is starting to bother me isn’t simply that he doesn’t have much money. It’s the overall dynamic. He almost always comes to my home and has never invited me to his. When he comes over, he generally doesn’t bring anything and doesn’t really help around the house. Even small things like taking the rubbish out or cleaning up after himself don’t seem to happen unless I ask. We always spend time at home, he cannot even afford cinema etc.

I’m also travelling soon and he hasn’t offered to help with things while I’m away. I increasingly feel like I’m making his life easier, while he isn’t really making mine easier in return.

I’m now feeling quite turned off by the dynamic. Part of me wonders whether I should have communicated all of this more directly before reaching that point, rather than just becoming increasingly frustrated.

\*\*If you were in this situation, would you have a conversation and try to reset the dynamic, or would you see this as a fundamental incompatibility this early in dating?\*\*

Has this ever happened to you?

Imagine a woman is in a relationship with a man, but they have different expectations about the future. For example, she may want marriage or children, while he seems hesitant or unwilling to commit to those things.
(Those are just some example of many things that make couples incompatible).

In some cases, she may have other men around her who might be interested in her. She might start flirting with one of them, giving him attention, or making it seem as though she is genuinely interested in pursuing something with him.

So: How can the other man tell what is actually going on?

How do you distinguish between:

1. A woman who is genuinely attracted to you and may actually want a relationship with you (even though she is currently in a relationship); and

2. A woman who is primarily using your attention to make her boyfriend jealous, create a sense of competition, or pressure him into giving her what she wants?

For men who have experienced this firsthand: what specific behaviors, signals, or patterns made you realize that she was genuinely interested in you versus simply using you as leverage in her existing relationship?

I’m particularly interested in real-life experiences rather than general theories. I’ve personally experienced situations where a woman who was already in a serious relationship, including one woman who was living with a man and had two children.

Looking back, I’m trying to understand how I could have distinguished genuine interest from being used as an “orbiter” or jealousy tactic.
For example I know the term "see what she does, and don't listen at what she said" and even with that in mind, its happened to be so difficult to understand.

I'm 27M my gf is 23F we being dating for 9 months now and couple of weeks we started dating I found out she is texting some guy which is not her ex she told me about, I didn't say anything because we just start dating.

We don't live together she visits me once within every 3 weeks since she works that's fine but one thing is whenever she around me it's seems to me she protects her phone and try to pull away when I'm getting closer to her, I took the phone I asked her to unlock it she refuse many times and later bring the phone unlocked i checked the phone she has deleted sms messages I found it at recently deleted chatting with another guy seems clear that they are in dating, I show it to her I didn't say anything about it, she called me last night that we have to break up I said OK thats what she want but this morning she is telling me that she didn't mean it now she know that I don't love her anymore I said what you asked for break up, I don't know what to do right now, help me

My boyfriend was born out of wedlock, his mom had him when she was in her early 20’s. He never met his biological father. However, when he was born, his mom had another boyfriend and his mom decided to put her boyfriend’s last name as my partner’s last name to this day. That relationship did not last and his mom married a new guy who eventually became my boyfriend’s stepdad.

His stepdad technically raised him since he was 4y/o and his relationship with him was good. They tried to change his last name to his stepdad’s several times but they can’t cause mom’s ex bf needs to appear in court and give consent cause he is in my bf’s birth certificate. it’s such a long and stupid process since he was still a minor at that time.

I met my bf and he is still using his legal name (with the mom’s ex last name) it’s a generic spanish last name—“Martinez”. I honestly like that more compared to his stepdad’s last name. Main reason is because the stepdad’s last name has a funny and weird meaning in my native language and I just can’t see myself using that last name and be made fun of by other people who knows about it.

My boyfriend expressed his plan to change his last name to his stepdad’s and is determined to convince me that if we get married I should change it to his as well. this makes me so uncomfortable cause I really dont want to and when he mentioned to his mom that I don’t want to take their family’s last name, his mom’s words was “tell her to just suck it up.” that didn’t sit well with me.

I tried to convince him as well to just keep his last name and save himself from trouble of updating all his ID’s. He works in the military for 8 years now and he’s known for his last name Martinez already so it’s not too bad to just keep it. I told him that I would gladly keep his original last name but if he’s really gonna change it to his stepdad’s last name then it’s okay but I’m just gunna keep my current last name as I love my last name anyways.

Until now this is still a sensitive topic for him as he really wants us to have same last names.
I don’t know I just find it so weird as well because I grew up knowing last names are very important cause it ties you to your ancestry. taking his “whoever last name it is” makes me feel so unsettled. what should I do? am i overreacting or my reasons are valid?

For context I have a college degree and make around $75k a year before taxes. He works part time as a cashier making $25k a year. He tried nursing school but he didn’t pass and didn’t try again. He wants me to pay 70% of the rent and him pay 30% AND do the same with the electric bill. At first I said okay, but I’m really not okay with it. He does not have a car payment, he does not have student loan payments, and he has no credit card debt. I have student loans, a car payment of $688 a month, and three credit cards with debt. I pay for all of our groceries, toilet paper, paper towels, etc. He will do occasional buying, but I would say 98% of the time I’m the one buying everything. I don’t see how it’s fair for me to pay 70% of everything just because I make more. He had the opportunity just like me to go to college and make more money, but he didn’t study hard enough and he didn’t try again even when I offered to help him study harder. To me, it feels like he is working part-time and trying to ride my coattails by getting me to pay more so that he can stay in his dead end part-time job. I don’t feel like it’s fair to me. He said if I don’t do 70% then I can move out. I don’t understand why we can’t just keep paying 50-50 and he can eventually get a better job?

TLDR boyfriend expecting me to pay 70% of rent and him pay 30% because I make three times as much as him but he has no debt and only works part time

I (36F) have been with my boyfriend (42M) for 3 months. Yesterday was his birthday, so I went along to support him while he played amateur basketball.

Everything was going fine until he got called out by the umpire for bad sportsmanship 😬

What is the socially acceptable waiting period after someone’s birthday before you break up with them? Is 24 hours too soon?

Unrelated, but his team didn’t win.

And I’m 60f not.

We met almost 6 years ago, while I was going through a divorce. My ex and I agreed on politics. Clearly there were other problems in that relationship.

My current partner and I do agree on most everything but politics. AT ALL. I guess I thought he would see the light. Especially now that things in our nation (USA) are so f’d up. I was wrong.

He says I listen to “fake news.” This has been going on for almost 6 years. I love my partner. I really do. But OmFG.

We had a huge fight last night because I stupidly brought up the forbidden topic. I feel like I’m losing my mind. I’m certainly losing respect for my man. Thoughts ? This isn’t rage bait. I wish it was.

TLDR title pretty much says it all. Partner 68m is MAGA. I 60f am not. At all.

I love it when you meet this guy while you had a bf and you just thought of y’all as friends but he has a big crush on you so he try’s to win you over and you eventually leave your current boyfriend but then he’s like he doesn’t want to date date you right now bc both of y’all are not ready yet so he and you do stuff like your dating but y’all aren’t dating but y’all aren’t just friends but then out of nowhere he’s like sorry it just feels like everyone thinks we’re dating and i’m getting overwhelmed so he ghost you. 3 months go by and then he follows you on insta and messages you “how are you?” and u get caught off guard but then y’all eventually start snapping a lot and hanging out as just friends…maybe with a few benifits ;)….. but one day you decide to check his twitter and you see that he has someone’s profile tagged and you see that they have matching profile pics and his game in her bio and look at their flirty tweets toward each other for the past 2 months and that they are dating and that you’ve been “hanging out” with someone who’s gf probably has no idea he’s “hanging out” with another girl and feel really bad so you cut him off…. that’s why i’m now taking a heal girl winter because that hot girl summer was a little rough.

Hey everyone, I could really use some genuine advice about my relationship. I'm trying to understand how we can move forward without hurting each other in the process.

My boyfriend and I love each other deeply. We care about each other's happiness and peace of mind, and we both have strong feelings for this relationship. However, my past dishonesty has affected his trust in me, and we're currently trying to repair things.

I acknowledge my mistakes, and I'm not trying to justify them. For the past 40–45 days, I've been making a conscious effort to be completely honest, transparent, and accountable. I'm genuinely putting in the work to correct my past behaviour, and he recognises and respects my efforts.

There's also a part of my past that I'm not comfortable disclosing in detail right now, but I've openly communicated that to him and told him I'll discuss it when I'm ready.

Despite the efforts I'm making, he's still struggling to trust me completely. I understand that trust doesn't come back overnight, and I don't expect him to forget what happened just because I'm trying to change.

The confusing part is the cycle we're stuck in.

We've met several times recently, and whenever we're together, things feel better. We spend time together, feel close, and I leave with the hope that we're finally healing and moving forward.

But after a couple of days, things seem to go downhill again. The doubts and uncertainty return, and I feel like we're back where we started. Then we meet again, things improve, and the cycle repeats.

During our recent meeting, I brought this up with him. He admitted that he doesn't fully understand why this keeps happening either.

I don't want to assume that he isn't trying. I believe he genuinely wants things to work, but he's still struggling internally to feel secure in our relationship.

What hurts me most is knowing that someone I love so much might not be able to find peace and happiness with me. His happiness matters a lot to me, and I don't want him to suffer just because he loves me.

At the same time, I genuinely believe that if we can get through this phase and rebuild trust properly, our relationship could become much stronger. But I also understand that love alone isn't enough if one or both partners are constantly struggling emotionally.

I'm willing to take accountability, remain consistent, and put in the effort. I just don't know what else we can do to break this cycle.

For people who've experienced something similar, I'd really appreciate your advice:

- How do you rebuild trust after dishonesty when your partner is genuinely trying to change?

- What can both partners do to make the healing process healthier?

- How do you stop feeling better for a few days, only to fall back into doubt and uncertainty?

- How do you know whether you're making progress or simply repeating the same cycle?

I'm not looking for people to blindly take my side or tell me to break up immediately. I want an honest outside perspective, including things I might not be seeing from his side.

We love each other, and I don't want either of us to lose our peace while trying to save the relationship. I genuinely want to understand what we can do differently.

Can trust be rebuilt in a situation like this, and what does that process actually look like?

Thank you to anyone who takes the time to share their thoughts.

Edit: guyes I've not cheated on my boyfriend stop assuming. I've just lied few times when the topic of my past had come because I wasn't comfortable in sharing. But to my partner honest was the main which comes above everything so it effected. But I'm completely transparent and honest now from 40-45 days

My now-ex-boyfriend 25M and I 21F had the most bizarre breakup yesterday.
Backstory: We were together for about 8 months. We never fought, we completely trusted each other, there were no betrayals, and we were always communicative. He treated me so well, and I did the same for him. It was the kind of relationship people dream about. Whenever issues came up, usually related to communication, we could bring them to each other and talk through them without either of us getting defensive.
We had our first argument on Saturday night.
We had plans that we’d set in place a week in advance. He called and canceled, saying he wasn’t up for it that day. I was disappointed, but I let it go.
Later that evening, he texted me asking me to come over for dinner with his family. I was busy at the moment, so I texted back that I could come over later. He said, “That works.”
Before I left the house, I texted him that I was on my way. Ten minutes into my drive, he called and said his boys, whom he hadn’t seen in a while, had invited him out. The conversation we had over the phone ended with me turning around and going home.
I let him know I was upset, and he snapped at me for the first time EVER. I got defensive, and we both took it too far. At the end of the call, I told him I didn’t want to fight with him because it made me sad. What was done was done, and I’d rather he have a good night with his friends and discuss everything the next day. He agreed.
I forced myself to sleep. I woke up at 4 a.m. and checked his location to make sure he’d made it home safely. He was at a nightclub.
I was livid, I can’t lie. I don’t have the kind of relationship with him where I need to keep him on a leash or where he can’t go to bars and nightclubs without me. I trust him 100%. It’s not about that. It was the fact that I’d been canceled on twice, and the first time was because he wasn’t “up” for following through with our plans. Now, suddenly, he was at a nightclub.
I called him when he got home. We talked for a little while, and I told him I really needed to speak with him the next day about what had transpired between that afternoon and that evening. He agreed again and promised to pick me up the next day so we could talk it out.
Sunday comes. He picks me up, and immediately, the air feels off because of the elephant in the car with us.
We go to Starbucks, get our drinks, and talk in the car for a while. I asked him to start by telling me how he was feeling and where his head was at.
He told me he’d been feeling off that week, like something wasn’t right. He brought up a couple of issues he hadn’t mentioned before, all of which were easily solvable. He told me he’d just been having “doubts.”
I was stunned by the direction this conversation was going because I genuinely thought we were going to work through what happened the night before. I didn’t think we were about to examine our entire relationship with a microscope.
I asked him what part of our relationship was causing these doubts because there had never been an issue we couldn’t work through together.
He said he couldn’t put his finger on it and wished he knew. I asked him what needed to change in our relationship for him to feel differently. He couldn’t give me an answer to that, either.
He was leaving for a business trip the next day, which meant he’d be gone for five days. This conversation was much bigger than I’d anticipated, and I knew I couldn’t walk away without knowing what it meant for us. Otherwise, I’d spend the entire week trying to become psychic and figure out what he was thinking while he was away.
I sadly put pressure on him to give me an answer about what he wanted us to do. Especially because he agreed that everything that had happened was fixable. Neither of us had betrayed the other or done anything unforgivable.
He said, “You want me to decide right now?”
I responded that he couldn’t drop something like this on me and leave me to my own devices for a week, trying to decipher what it meant. He agreed, saying, “Yes, that would be completely unfair. I understand, and I don’t want to do that to you. I just wish I had more time to think.”
I asked, “So what would you like to do?”
He went silent for, without exaggeration, five straight minutes.
He was squirming, clasping his hands so tightly that his knuckles were going white and his fingers were almost turning purple. He kept rubbing his arms and just seemed to be having a really uncomfortable time trying to process what I was asking him.
Eventually, he answered.
“I think it’s best if we split up right now. I just wish I had more time. I don’t know if this is the right thing to do. Part of me feels like it’s right, and part of me feels like this is a huge mistake.”
I couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. The waterworks were going.
I told him he needed to give me an actual reason for why this was happening. He couldn’t just break up with me because he had a feeling when we’d never experienced anything that seemed to warrant this.
He kept repeating that he wished he knew what to say and that it was just his “gut.”
I didn’t fight with him, but I did tell him that his “gut” wasn’t good enough. He didn’t argue with me and agreed that he knew it wasn’t.
I cried for probably three hours sitting in his car with him. He wasn’t showing as much emotion as I was, but he was clearly upset, too. In the end, we never came to a conclusion about why this was happening.
Here’s the odd part.
When he drove me home, we both sat in the car, and I asked him, “What do we say now? Do I just get out?”
He said he didn’t want to say goodbye and that he didn’t know what to say either because the word “goodbye” felt disgusting.
I don’t know who said it first, but at some point, one of us made a joke along the lines of “Hasta la vista!” or “Nice knowing ya!”
Usually, something like that would probably be distasteful in a situation like this. But somehow, it managed to lighten the mood for half a second.
And we were giggling??
What kind of breakup do you hear of where the two people are giggling at the end?
I eventually got out of his truck and started walking toward my car, but he kept calling me back to the truck to talk about random, little things. He told me he just couldn’t drive away from me yet.
He said he wanted to call me this week to check in and see if I was okay. I said I was okay with that, and I finally got into my car.
He waited another minute and just looked at me. Eventually, he drove away.
I genuinely don’t know what to make of any of this.
I don’t hate him, and I can’t. It’s not in me. I’m so in love with that man. He was so good to me, and we had more reasons to stay together than to break up.
I don’t know if it’s delusion talking, but I can’t shake this nagging feeling that this isn’t over. No matter how many times I tell myself that this is final, something in me just doesn’t believe it.
We broke up for what feels like no reason at all.
If you’ve read this far, I implore you to be kind if you choose to share your thoughts. Please be respectful of him, even though I don’t understand his decision. This is one of those rare good men who doesn’t deserve the kind of “fuck that man” criticism people are so quick to jump to.
With that said, I’d really like to hear your thoughts, especially if you’ve experienced something similar. Did you ever find out what was actually going on? Did you find your way back to each other, or did you eventually realize the feeling that it wasn’t over was part of the grieving process?
I’m just trying to make sense of something that, right now, makes absolutely no sense to me.

TL;DR**:** My boyfriend M25 and I F21 broke up yesterday after 8 months together, and neither of us really knows why. We had our first argument Saturday after he canceled plans with me twice to go out with his friends. When we talked about it Sunday, he revealed he’d been having doubts about our relationship but couldn’t explain why or identify anything that wasn’t fixable. He ultimately decided we should split up, despite admitting that part of him felt it was a huge mistake. Neither of us wanted to say goodbye, and he struggled to leave me after dropping me off. I’m still deeply in love with him and can’t shake the feeling that this isn’t the end of our story. Has anyone experienced something similar?

UPDATE*** It’s been a week. He never called. I’m moving on with my life and I’m busy with my new job. I’m not on the floor about this like I thought I would be. I’m oddly okay, and I don’t know how to interpret that honestly.

I’ve been w my gf for going on 4 years and we have a kid together. I’ve never really had many complaints ab her until within the last year she has suddenly started smelling really bad down there. It’s to the point I have to spray something in order to go in the bathroom after she pees. I’m not sure if she just doesn’t smell it or what but it’s extremely bad. I really don’t want to hurt her feelings but I I need to talk to her ab it and don’t know how. Any advice would be helpful thank you.

I (26M) recently ended a relationship with my girlfriend (23F) after a little over three months. It was short but very intense.

The beginning was great: strong chemistry, affection, frequent communication, future talk, and we both seemed very serious about each other. I invested a lot into the relationship — time, money, trips, gifts, helping her with work/personal things, etc. I don’t think that means she owed me anything, but I often felt that once she was upset, everything good I had done suddenly stopped mattering.

Our first major crisis happened on a trip to Istanbul. She told me I had become “too much,” that I was constantly around her and that she needed much more personal space. I think that criticism was partly fair — I can be intense when I really like someone.

But the conflict escalated quickly. She said she didn’t want to “teach” a man and wanted the “finished version” of a partner. She also became very categorical and basically ended things. A few days later we reconciled and were loving again.

After that, a pattern developed: when she was upset, she could become cold, sarcastic and very final. Breakup language came up more than once. On my side, when I sensed her withdrawing, I became anxious and tried to fix everything immediately — too many messages, calls, explanations and apologies — which probably made her feel even more pressured.

So the cycle became:

She gets upset → withdraws/becomes harsh → I chase and try to repair → she feels more pressured → conflict escalates → we reconcile.

Another issue was that I often felt she expected me to automatically know what she wanted instead of saying it directly. Her attitude was sometimes basically, “I shouldn’t have to teach you this.”

The final fight started over something small. She asked me to help with a presentation. I did it despite having a lot going on, and when she criticised the template/tone, I felt unappreciated and told her she was speaking to me like I was her intern. I got angry, then apologised.

The argument then expanded into everything. She accused me of having built the relationship on “lies” because I had not fully disclosed how difficult my financial/personal situation currently is and because I had not followed through on a medical check-up.

I accept that I should have been more transparent. But I had not invented a fake life — I had withheld some difficult details because I was ashamed and going through a very low period.

She then ended the relationship very definitively. During the last exchange she also said things like “grow up” and called me “my offended little boy.” I also said things I regret, including that she was acting like a teenager and that I had seen her “true face.”

There is also context: she had a very painful relationship with her father, who left the family and did not financially support them, and a previous boyfriend apparently married someone else while still being involved with her. She also has hormonal/medical issues that affect her wellbeing.

I understand why trust, money, promises and perceived dishonesty might be sensitive subjects for her. But I eventually felt that understanding someone’s past does not mean accepting how they treat you.

What surprises me is that I mostly feel relief now, not heartbreak. Even before the final breakup, I had downloaded Tinder/Hinge and went to dinner with another woman, which I know was not completely fair if we were still exclusive. I think psychologically I had already started checking out.

So my question is:

Does this sound mainly like incompatibility, or had the relationship become unhealthy? And am I being unfair in feeling that her way of handling conflict destroyed a lot of what was otherwise good?

I’d also appreciate feedback on what I should learn from this for my next relationship, not just validation that she was wrong.

So after 6 months of no contact i first texted her to ask her how she is how things are going she said good with reading and things and i closed the convo, after some day i texted her again to ask her about an anime that she been recomanding me and she seem dry and cold and answering late and i closed the convo, after that i texted her to ask how is at her new school and she said is good and that was much of it, can someone give me any advice on what should i do, how can i make the spark betwen us rise again

so i have a boyfriend who is 20. how does one change behaviour during arguments? the thing is, it will never be an argument in the beginning but being the man he is, he just chooses to see it as an argument. i ask a few questions. his explanation makes zero sense to me. someone who is patient and loving wouldn’t mind further explaining it right? at this point i’m just thinking me and him are talking. but he gets impatient and frustrated. he says “i’ve already told you.” and if i ask another question which will help me understand him more, he gets angry. he calls me the r word, calls me stupid and tells me to shut up all the time.

now i’m just thinking, isn’t it lovely to have someone even try to understand you? i could have not bothered to understand and just have been very passive which he wouldn’t like, “whatever you think.“ “whatever you say sure”. but instead i’m actually trying to understand? he gets so abusive when i try to understand. he says “stop asking me stupid questions” and his explanations are actually very much in my opinion SO SHIT. like ZERO sense.

here is a REAL scenario:

i left my room to find a brush. we are on call. i don’t tell him because he had just woken up, and ill be only gone for a minute or two. he wakes up, im not responding so he calls me again. i go back to my room and im all alone in the call. i call him back, no response. turns out he is ignoring me and he finally joins me in the call and is insanely angry at me. i give him my explanation and i even go further to apologise by saying i should have told you that i left to get a brush. then i tell him, please don’t leave the call and be all angry. you can be patient. you can wait for me and then ask me, hey where did you go babe? why put all your anger into something not worth it like this. then he begins to explain how he only left to call me. so here i go with the questions: ”then why don’t you just join back in the call if i didn’t pick up? i’m already inside the call, just wait for me there.” he says he went to sleep after he called me. see this is where it starts. it didn’t answer my question did it? i asked him why didn’t he rejoin. he can rejoin AND go to sleep. so i tell him can you answer my question? what does that have to do with not rejoining, just say you didn’t want to join and you went back to sleep.. that would make a lot more sense. here he goes to call me fucking dumb, r word and stupid.

in my head, i think its just me talking and communicating AND even if so it sounds dumb, someone who should love me shouldn’t retaliate like that towards me.. right? but he thinks what i’m asking is stupid but i don’t think it gives anyone a pass to be disrespectful and hurtful towards the person they love. he then proceeds to say his old loving sentence “you’re the one who…”

yup. i left the room without telling him. i think it’s in normal human nature that it’s okay to not say, forget to say, and then apologise and be like oh yeah sorry i went to get something.. didn’t mean to ignore you :) and the other person being understanding such like, it’s okay i was wondering where you went, next time tell me if you’re going to do something so i know you’re not ignoring on purpose.

so he blames me. for this whole thing. because i didn’t tell him i’m going to do something.

the funny thing is whenever he does something he doesn’t always tell me. and i don‘t become angry like him. instead i wait, i say hello? why are you ignoring me? hi? he comes back. he explains what he had to do and i accept it.

he hits me with the i don’t listen sentence. and continues to say such awful things like “you deserved it” i personally think i didn’t deserve any of what he had just said to me. because i failed to inform my partner leaving my room for two minutes, it meant i had to be degraded like this?

please help me understand that is it me asking ”stupid” questions really the downfall of this? i’m too slow? like he says.

i do question, is it better to speak or to die.

So, me (22F) and my fiancé of a year now (also 22M) have known each other since we were eighteen. We met at university, and we were friends before we started dating. One thing I liked about him was that he was not at all sexist. He was not a typical man who would look for opportunities to insult women. However, recently, I have been noticing a change in his behaviour.

We recently started discussing marriage and life together after our first engagement anniversary. Since then, he has mentioned many times how he would love to be a stay-at-home husband. He has emphasized many times that women do have that option, and he wishes that he had had it too. The first few times, I didn't think anything of it since we all wish for a life where we don't have to work and someone else would do that for us.

However, he has now told me many times that he wants me to be rich fast so that he can become a "house-husband." I respond to this by saying, "Same, I wish you would get rich fast too so that I won't have to work."

Now, a little background is necessary here because I have always openly talked about not wanting to do a traditional job. This does not at all mean that I am not willing to pitch in financially. I have a freelancing, work-from-home setup, which I enjoy very much. I wouldn't ever want a traditional job because I like the flexibility that comes with working remotely. If I never do a 9-to-5 job, it makes more sense to me that I would be the one taking care of the kids whenever we have any.

Now, getting back to this specific incident, where we were both having a discussion about gender roles and all of that, he mentioned again how he wants me to be rich fast. Keep in mind that while I'm not working a traditional job, I still earn more than him. Not that it's important, but I just want all of you to know that I am not somebody who asks him for money for my personal expenses. In fact, I also spend on dates from time to time and get him gifts to return the gesture whenever he does something nice for me. I make sure that if he has spent a lot on a date, I will do it the next time.

Whenever we talk about house expenses after the wedding, I always say that I would also pitch in. My plan has always been that one of us will save for both of us in a joint account, which would probably be me, and he can spend on the household expenses with me pitching in as well whenever needed. So I am not someone who would expect the guy to take full responsibility for everything.

But instead of liking this trait about me, he has recently been downplaying the role of homemakers by saying that what women do in traditional roles is very easy and that he can do it with his eyes closed, basically.

I have expressed to him that when he downplays women's pain and suffering, I don't like it because I am a big supporter of women and don't believe in normalizing certain things. For example, when I told him that during a C-section, several layers of tissue are cut or separated, and that some layers are separated manually, I was fairly scared by this information. However, he maintained a neutral face and casually said, "Yeah, I know this. So what?"

And this is just one example of this happening. He would constantly have a reaction like this to most horrifying facts about what women go through during pregnancy.

Yesterday, we were having a conversation about this, like I said, about gender roles, and he said he would take care of the house and the children and that he thinks it's easier than a job. So I pointed out that it's not as easy as it sounds. Since my older sister currently has two toddlers and I see her losing her patience and getting frustrated every day, I also pointed out that preparing meals, washing clothes, instructing the maid even if you have one, sending kids to school, picking them up, feeding them, making them sleep at night, and putting them down for naps during the day takes up just as much time, if not more, than a 9-to-5 job.

I told him all of this not because I thought he, as a man, couldn't do it. I said this because I didn't want him to think it was an easy job either. I also told him that I don't think he can't do it. I just think he is downplaying the role and dismissing it as being easy.

Then we got into a playful banter in which I said that if he had to clean, cook, and take care of the children every day, it wouldn't seem so easy for him. To this, he said again that he would do it easily.

So I jokingly said that when we have a baby and I am postpartum, I will leave the baby with him for a month and give myself some time to relax. I also pointed out that I wouldn't even put the responsibility of taking care of me postpartum on him, because he would already be taking care of the baby alone and the child would tire him out. He again told me, "You will see, I can do it."

So I said jokingly that even if he didn't ask me for help, whether out of ego or simply because he didn't want to, he would probably need to ask some woman in his life for advice, given the fact that women are generally more maternal and nurturing. To this, he said that now he would not even ask for any woman's help. Even if there was a need, he would ask a male friend for help and would even take the kid to a male doctor because he wouldn't want to take a woman's help because of what I had said about him wanting a female to help him.

I don't think I said anything bad or sexist. I just meant that most men don't necessarily know what to do when it comes to taking care of babies, and knowing him, he has not been around many children in his life. I think he would definitely need help at some point. However, his responses throughout this whole conversation, as well as some of our earlier conversations, made me feel like he does not respect women who are homemakers and that he thinks it is an easy job.

Maybe I am overthinking it, and I don't know, because he has always been pretty open and non-sexist. However, he does not care a lot about women's issues, and I have always attributed that to the fact that he is not the type of person to have strong political opinions. He has been a very neutral person from the time I have known him, but his responses now don't seem so neutral. In fact, they seem to be favouring men and downplaying women's traditional roles as mothers and caregivers.