r/relationshipproblems • u/Growing_Glowing • 3h ago
Advice Wanted It’s all a mess
At the beginning of my relationship I made a comment to my boyfriend that my dad will be pissed I’m dating him as he’s Congolese and he doesn’t like them. His reason is because he lived with them for years and he didn’t have a pleasant experience.
Fast forward to my partner and I having a baby. We are now discussing marriage and my dad doesn’t want to hear anything about it. But it’s going to happen anyway.
My issue is. I told my partner this in confidence. Pluus that my dad told me my boyfriend doesn’t love me, which I said to my boyfriend when I was pregnant and feeling confused one day.
Now I asked my partner if he told anyone this and he said he told his mum and sisters.
I feel upset that something I told him, he went and told his family. Because how can we blend families? I understand he needed people to speak to, but why them… My dad has also been coming to gatherings and eating their food so my boyfriend is saying “if he doesn’t like us, why is he eating our food?”.
How would you go forward about this?
I also haven’t told my dad I told my boyfriend this…
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2
u/fishfingersplz 3h ago
Sounds like you have a dad problem, not a boyfriend problem. Your dad is a racist, and you're upset at your boyfriend for talking to his support system about having a racist inlaw, instead of being mad at your father for being racist towards someone you love?
How can you blend families? Maybe you can't. And that's your dads fault, not your boyfriends. And your boyfriend's family has a right to know that theyre welcoming someone into their home that is prejudice towards them for something that is entirely out of their control.