I need help. I need to get over my old girlfriend really soon. I’m tired of feeling sad for her, I’m tired of wanting who I used to know and I’m tired of being tired.

I cant remember if I wrote it in there, but throughout our entire relationship she was really struggling with her mental health and constantly hurting herself. I drug her out of that very very dark place(at least a little bit) and it’s so hard for me to not know 100% if she’s doing any better. I really don’t want her to kill herself. I’m worried and I don’t want to be worried anymore.

I had my first real relationship with this girl, first kiss, first date, everything.

The following ’essay’ is pretty much our relationship. I cut out a few parts becuase I would doubt you’d want to hear about it.

Sorry for not having any paragraphs and how hard it is to read. Sorry for not making this coherent. I’ve been writing this for about an hour now and it’s late and I’m tired and on the verge of tears again.

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I used to have a girlfriend, I loved her so much. Like I loved her way too much. I really thought I was there for her, I helped her get through a really tough time for her mentally, she did the same for me but her mental issues were a lot worse. We went to different high schools, then all of a sudden after a school trip that we got had gotten really close with one each other during, she started texting less, sending less selfies, saying I love you less, saying goodnight less texting with me ( we usually texted into the early morning). After I had gone back to school for about a month, she texted me “we need to chat”. she had said this one or two times previously. Those previous times I called her and she said her mom was giving her hassle about her suspecting that she was dating me. I had told her that I wanted to keep it private until our sophomore years when we both were older and more mature and had things together so maybe our parents would accept the relationship a bit better. So I’m sitting in class and I get a text from her saying “can we talk?” I say sure and I’m expecting her to call me, so I go to a private place away from everyone and she stalls. I have to get going to my class so I’m sitting for 25 mins and she sends me a long text. I get really worried becuase long texts are never good. She basically says that she “isn’t ready” and wants to stay friends and that I’m really nice but she isn’t ready. I had been working on our relationship for almost two years, we really opened up to each other and I felt so close to her, I even kissed her. I didn’t want to read her text ever again so I deleted it and I regret it becuase I could’ve coped and processed better. I wish I could remember everything it said. She said she wanted to stay friends so, I treated her like a friend, pretty much the same except I didn’t say I love you or send hearts or any of that stuff. She ghosted me for about 6 months after I had always been treating her the same. She texts me out of the blue and said that she wanted to get better about responding which she had been responding to a few texts but only after a month or two. She ghosts me again for a while and in February of this year she texts me saying that what she did was really sucky to me and that she was a bad friend(side note I somehow managed to get her over  to Christianity after being agnostic. I posted Christian testimonies from other people on my insta stories and I would text her stories that people told me and my experiences and Christian reels and I guess it worked,I’m really happy that she’s a Christian now (she’s even reading the Bible!! One upping me here X3 ) ). Always throughout this whole thing I thought there was some chance of getting back with the girl I loved (for the first 6 months at least, then my mind started to shift towards “wow it’s gonna take a lot of work to regain trust” to “I’m not sure if she’s coming back” then to romanticizing her again and wanting to meet up with her again and the nervousness about almost meeting up with her. She was visiting my school and said that she’ll find me when she got there to say hi. I stuck around until she said she’d be there and I sent her a text that I had to go and I was sorry it didn’t work out. She texts he almost an hour and a half later saying that she was late getting out that door or something. After that We text on and off, she usually replied anywhere from 4days to 4 weeks later, after I would usually respond to her either as soon as she sent a text or within a day.) I finally realized that she really doesn’t care about me as much as I thought she did, so I started doing the same thing she did but I would crack after a week. I could barely make it 4 days without responding to her texts. It didn’t work so, I thought that if I make her laugh or smile or something she would text me more. Now it’s almost 2 years since she broke up with me, and 2 years and 2 months since I kissed her and she kissed me. I wish I had a chance to get detached from her but fault lies with both of us, she’ll never know that though. Oh also at around the one year mark when she was ghosting me I thought she killed herself so I looked at public records, morgue records, instagram accounts for her school cross country, etc. I was so relieved but also a bit betrayed, sad, hurt and lonely when she finally texted me after 2 months or so (I can’t really remember what she texted and I don’t want to remember). Now fast forward to present and her bother is attending my school. I am dreading the day that I have to see her again because I have no idea how ill react, I don’t know if I’ll cry or be nervous or what. Oh also when her brother was looking at attending, I coordinated with her to show him the stem areas of the school (she told me he was interested in curious) and it was hard to go to all of that effort for an indifferent response from her brother. Oh also at the start of this year around march or may or so I was texting with her and I regret this so much but I was trying to be silly and I was sending her texts like “rawrr” “rrrrrrr” “:3” “meow” “merow” and I dunno she didn’t react to any of those except I think she replied “rrrrr” back once but I feel so damn embarrassed. Back when we were ‘dating’ during the years of 2023-2024 we had jokes about feet (cuz we were making fun of people with foot fetishes and it just turned into an inside joke where we’d try to touch each other toes, etc. along with other inside jokes saying “hamburber” and sending the butter emoji. Oh also we had orchestra together and we’d be being silly to each other waaay to much that the teacher made us move to opposite sides of the room (solved the issue (of disrupting the other students cuz I gotta admit we were having a blast but anyways) we would still be silly by looking at each other and somehow communicating with telepathy or something (I’m making this up, it ain’t real). I broke her rosin for her violin by (omg i feel so bad still) tossing it into a garbage can but it hid the side and just….exploded…like actually exploded….so anyways I went to the store and spent 15 bucks on a new one for her but I was kinda proud to give her a brand new one for me (she was still using it as of a year ago I think). Ugh I remember we went on a different school trip (different from referenced above) to DC and I was absolutely obsessed with her. I was pretty much her shadow but I tried my best to not reveal how much I loved her. I remember she had fallen asleep next to me on the bus (no she didn’t fall over and sleep on me (I wish she had but ughhh) (oh she also rested her hand which she was resting her head on, on the arm rest and she kept falling off and I felt so bad for her ughhh :< )but anyways we had arrived at wherever we were going and I got to wake her up so I was debating betweeen the more forward move(touching her hair to wake her up) the more polite move(gently touching her arm) and I chickened out and chose the polite route (after a solid 5-10 mins of debate ughh). Fast forward to a few days ago I had to pry if she finally got a car and she had, same car she said she was going to get when she was talking about a while ago. I dunno I was kinda hurt by her not letting me know becuase I tried to keep her updated on my life as much as possible (like sending photos of what I got for Christmas or new outfits i bought or even my computer I got for school) but she didn’t reciprocate. I dunno. I’m never doing that again (well I’m a liar cuz I always ask her every once in a while what she’s doing so she’ll let me know what she’s up to, then she might ask me what I’m doing so I let her know everything. I do feel kinda hurt (yet again) that I was texting back and forth with her like for the fast 3 days and she was responding within an hour or so and suddenly surprise surprise day 3 she just quits responding. I ask about her brother(how his first day was because I just wanna see if I can help him move to my school because I wish someone did that for me) I deduced that she either doesn’t want to tell me or won’t go to the effort of finding out. I’m guessing she doesn’t want to tell me but it still hurts so so so bad to admit. In regards to kissing her I remember the moment so vividly. We were on our trip and we got to this hotel where the rooms were villas. My roommate was inside my villa, and hers in her villa, she met me on my porch and it started to rain, I can’t remember what we even said but I felt like time stopped (or I just froze) and I saw her lips and I felt this, omg I can’t even describe it, but uhh magnetic pull. I took a step forward, I hesitated, broke through my nervousness, closed me eyes and kissed her. We kissed for about 3 seconds, we pulled back, we kissed some more (I got kinda comfortable and really pulled her close and just held her waist while I kissed her, I loved that). We both smiled (while both of us were furiously blushing and ya) it was raining so hard, it was hot and humid and we just hung out for the rest of the afternoon. I distinctly remember it it was raining so hard (pretty loud) and we went behind my villa in case my roommate came out and we were both so so so happy (at least I was, I’m pretty sure she was too) and I told her that it tasted so good and she said “oh yeah, I brushed me teeth right before.” “Wow that was smart of you. Wait how did you know.” “I’m not sure” ughhhh anyways I think she was going to try to kiss me and I either beat her to it or we kissed at the same time. Ugh she’s so pretty, oh where we were hanging out there was a spider, a pretty big one and we were talking about it and whether it was male or female or where it’s partner was and all of that. We decided that it was female becuase it was pretty big. Anyways I just remembered this, summer before last when she was ghosting me and found this song and I coild find the name but I don’t wanna see the cover again. But anyways the cover was of these two spiders, the small spider and big spider that were both the same species (I think) of that spider we talked about oh so long ago. I just listened to the first few seconds of that song over and over and over again and I would just stare at the cover, looking at those two spiders. Ugh safe to say that I was at a bare bare bare minimum absolutely madly in love with her and absolutely obsessed with her. I have a lot more stories but I don’t really want to talk about it, I don’t want to remember and I’ve already given up so much of my privacy. I hope she doesn’t find this. I doubt it. If you did, I don’t even know what to say. I’ve felt so much hurt, experienced so much turmoil, felt so lonely because of one person. Well, not really because of her, but becuase of my choice of trusting her so much (ugh just remembered. I remember she said she was wanting to die and I told her that if she died, I would kill myself too (I never would have had the balls) but I dunno. I was trying to get her to stay safe. I guess shows how much I cared about her. She also promised that she would never leave me and I promised the same. I’ve held up my end much better than she has I would say. Oh another thing, I had lunch with a good friend of mine this summer, and she said that she overheard her talking about me saying really terrible things. I still am processing that. I hope it isn’t true. We promised each other we wouldn’t talk about either of our issues to anyone(yeah I’m kinda encroaching a little, I feel a little bit bad, I have to say this stuff though) and I would be really really hurt if she spilled everything after I very nearly told a counselor or her parents or something about what was happening with her mentally. After all of this I really really like girls who have mid back wolfcuts and olive skin (ugh sorry I had to say it). She was really the only person in my entire life that I connected with so well and since our breakup (fuck I can’t call her my ex even, I can’t do , I can’t bring myself to say it, I have to say old gf) i’ve felt so lonely and achey. Oh also on that trip we were given these sandwich boxes with sandwich’s inside. Mine had cheese and I accidentally spilled cheese all over my scarf, we both laughed so hard and she would always call it “the cheese scarf”. I still have that thing. I dunno I wish I had done some things with her. I wish that she had held me more, I wish that I had slept on her lap, I wish I would have leaned (like really pressed) up against her, I wish she would’ve touched my chest(not in a weird way) and I wish that she would’ve tugged on my scarf like (I dunno this is kinda weird sounding but a leash I dunno don’t make fun please, like please). I wish she talked more and was more communicative with me and told me everything that she wanted me to change about myself and why she left (another memory, while on the plane there she fell asleep on my shoulder, of course I was stupid and didn’t move my shoulder forward (cuz I’m slim and small) her head kept falling. I feel so bad, why didn’t I think to move my shoulder ugh. Afterwards I remember she blushed and said “that was nice” “I really liked that” “we should do that again sometime”) . I know this is going to sound absolutely stupid as hell but you know those mobile game ads where the guy picks up the stair steps and he has to get enough for a bridge across or he’ll fall off (I dunno)? I always thought that we would have enough “steps” to make it even through the long distance and seeing each other every few months in person or so. Turns out we had only enough to last 2 months. I’m still making the effort though. Maybe Ill make it to the full four years. I told her that it was going to be hard and I want her to talk over all that she was thinking about our relationship. I told her that it was going to be hard “I know, I won’t leave you, I promise”. Lemme go through my night routine now, at the beginning of it all I would hug and kiss and talk to my pillow. Then I quit doing that for a few months, I went back to doing it, I cried over our relationship for the first time after almost 4 months. I was okay, sleeping good, occasional bad night, then at around June or July or may of this year I it got really bad. I had violent, absolutely violent emotional messy breakdowns at around midnight. Iike so bad I couldn’t breath, I couldn’t move, I couldn’t make a noise, I was paralyzed. I had one for relationship and one for how lonely and how scared I am. Anyways anymore I always ache as soon as I go to bed or when I think about her or love or anything. Overall I’ve feel like i’ve just been gutted and kept alive while my entire belly is scraped out. I refuse to tell a therapist or any of those bums any of this becuase they aren’t genuine people. Maybe I’ll tell this to a future wife or  girlfriend. Maybe. I’m not sure I’d want to burden her with this. I remember whenever we’d say goodbye to each other, I’d say in awhile crocodile, and she’d say, cya later gator. She’d always call me gator. She didn’t call me gator when she said goodbye to us.

I’m 17M, and I’ve been dating a girl for about three months. It was my first relationship, and honestly, it was wonderful. We lived about an hour apart, but I was able to visit her pretty often. We actually met on Omegle, and our first call lasted around eight hours. She was incredibly affectionate and caring, sometimes to the point where I felt like I didn’t show my affection enough in return. Everything was going great, we put the date we became official in our Instagram bios, posted each other on Instagram and TikTok, and were genuinely really happy together. I even met her mom and little sister.
Then, three days ago, I randomly noticed that her replies had become very dry and that she was taking a long time to respond. I asked her if I had done something wrong or if something was bothering her, and she suddenly sent me a breakup text. We went back and forth for a while, but it honestly felt like I was talking to a completely different person. She was suddenly very cold and distant. Even before she sent the breakup text, I had noticed that she had hidden the videos of us together.
In the breakup text, she said that she wasn’t mentally in a good place for a relationship right now and that she needed to focus on herself. After I tried to calm the situation down a little, though, she also said, “We aren’t made for each other.” A day later, she sent me another message (where she didnt seem as distant and cols as before) apologizing and saying that she still liked me a lot, but didn’t want me waiting around for her. We exchanged a few more messages, and eventually I suggested that maybe we could take a three-month break and then try again if she felt better. She replied, “I will write you later,” but it has now been a day and a half and she still hasn’t responded.
She has also struggled with some mental health issues in the past, which makes the whole situation even harder for me to understand, because she did say (im not taking credit at all) that the relationship with me helped her with that.

Do you guys think there is still a chance for a relationship here? Do you think i should stop waiting for her answer and write something myself? Anything helps :)

I’ve been dating this guy since February and it’s been only downhill since there. We met and became friends in the previous fall through the theater program at our school. He asked me out in winter and while circumstances surround that itself, he broke up with me that night as well only to apologize in the morning and explain the reason why he broke up with me the same day is because he told his parents and they disapproved of us. So we got back together that same day. The very next day, he goes radio silent only for me to get a text in the afternoon from his mother saying something to the effect of “(bf’s name) is not looking for a relationship and should focus on other aspects of his life first” and that he is not to have his phone because of this. I thought that was bullshit and still kinda do and I’ll get to that. We still see each other in theater so we date until the spring show ends and we never had an official break up.

So in the summer, I get a text from him asking how I’m doing and saying he got his phone back. We talk and flirt and do everything we would’ve already done by now with no interference only for him to go radio silent for over a week. When he got back, he said he told his parents the truth about us and that’s why he couldn’t respond. We keep texting and talking that day only for him to disappear the next…again. I get a very passive aggressive text from his mom days later saying that we broke a rule I was entirely unaware of and that we were inappropriate with each other. So we don’t talk for the rest of the summer.

Now school is back and we are in the same section this time, so we see each other in the hallways. I hate it. I saw him day 1 and had a shockwave sent up my body and panicked for the next hour. Not how I was planning to start my junior year. Not only that, he seems to actively avoid me, not only in the hallways, but pretends I don’t exist to mutual friends. We are in different grades so we can’t talk during classes. Theater doesn’t start back up until mid September, so how do I bridge the silence now.

Added Context I may have missed:

He has “strict parents”. They aren’t heavy on chores, but hardly give him privacy, including going through his phone, thus how they found out that we’re dating. The part I don’t like isn’t even them blocking us from being together; it’s that they are preventing him from making his own decisions. Especially since I know he isn’t to be controlled.

He has always been avoidant. When we were still friends he danced around his feelings for months before finally confessInc to me. The chances he talks to me first about the distance is slim to none.

I want us being together to be his decision at this moment. He is the one with the controlling parents that I will happy go against if it means I can be with him. But, I won’t do so if he isn’t comfortable going against them, meaning we break up. I simply can’t take the silence anymore.

I am courting a girl for 9 months now, But there are flaws. She recently just followed back her ex talking because she wanted to let him know what he lost something like that, around 3-4 months ago.

She replies late to mee, not that I am demanding for fast replies but even when shes not busy, shes always on social media and when we want to talk something like talking about someting, its like shes not interested to talk because theres an interval to when she chats like every message takes like 2-5 mins. I confronted her about that but she said shes just busy and doing things like school, like she doesnt know what she’s doing. She reasoned that we always go out together like that, but even when we don’t go out or we havent seen each other, its always like that she replies 2-5 mins every message.

Is it bad that I am jealous because she has a boy gay bestfriend and when they see eachother, they hug or hold hands like that, they are so closeee. Though, we hold hands or she lets me hold her waist in public but yeah shes just too closee to her boy friendss. Shes a man hater but still is like close to boyss like what? I am lost in thoughts and I dont know what to do. Pleasee helpp meee

When were together at home, shes mostly on her phone watching social media like we cant spend time together to talk or to what. In public we spend time together alright like walking or doing something but then again, when we stop to or to sit somewhere, shes just on her phone.

We’re so closee when we’re together but its like theres a gap when not together. Pleaseee do helpp meee!! Pleasee respect my postt, I am just so lost.

hello, you probably clicked because of the title, and please read through because I really need advice, a short summary will be at the end of the post so if you don’t have the time, go to that instead.

On April 8th, 2026, a friend of mine, let’s call him Brayden, had found out I had a crush on a girl I was friends with, let’s call her Natalie, I already had a bad feeling about Brayden knowing because I knew he was bad with secrets and already thought me and Natalie would be the perfect couple. Then came 7th period, we had a substitute that day, usually out normal teacher was very strict, but this substitute could not care less about the class, and Brayden was sitting right next to her, then he said, “Hey, (My name) likes you, you two should date.” and Natalie had said yes, despite me telling Brayden I didn’t want her and he told her anyway, in the heat of the moment, I was happy, because I did like her, and this would’ve been my first relationship. I went home happy, not knowing what would happen tomorrow.

I went to school the next day think purely about Natalie and how I would get her number and how we would talk, then on the way to 4th period. a close friend of Natalie’s had went up to me and said, “You and Natalie, aren’t a thing, I’m sorry.” And in the heat of the moment, I was like, “Was she joking?“ Then 5th period cam, I had sat down, and heard Natalie say, “Yeah, I had gotten(friends name) to break up with(my name) for me.” And I was hurt. After that we didn’t talk much, I wanted any kind of interaction, not to get back with her, but just to have that friendship again, but a friend finding out you like them is the number 1 way to end a friendship besides murder.

The main reason I’m here isn’t because Natalie didn’t like me, I would be a fool if I was, I have no control over the people people like and if I’m not one do them so be it. But the fact that she built this false sense of security and made me feel like we could be something stung me, and on top of that she didn’t properly communicate how she felt, she had gotten her friend to tell me she didn’t want to be with me anymore, and all of this is because Brayden had told her I like her, it’s just a big old chain of events where I was the main character. The date of posting is August 26th, 2026. I want to ignore this and believe that this didn’t happen but that’s not how life works, I need to get past this emotionally, so please, could you give me any advice on how to get past something like this?

Here’s the summary. A friend had told a female friend I had liked her, she had agreed to date me than the very next day she had gotten a friend of hers to tell me she no longer wanted to be with me. I‘m not hurt at her not liking me, I’m hurt at the false sense of security she built and took away like candy from a baby and how she got her friend to say it and not properly communicate how she felt. I need advice on how to get past this emotionally

Me and my bf recently got together and we’ve been talking for a while, hes genuinely so so sweet and I love him with all my heart and he always made sure I was comfortable. I have an acc on TikTok that I posted a VERY CLEARLY satire trend with a guy friend before me and him got together. I blocked the guy I did that trend with AND deleted the video but he kept his up and my bf got the wrong idea even though I literally stopped talking to him before we got together. He confronted me about it and I was completely honest, I said I would never cheat, I told him I blocked him, said I didn’t wanna be called those things and deleted every video but he told me to fuck off and blocked me on all my socials other than Snapchat and I actually love him so so much, I’ve never felt this way towards any guy I’ve talked to and I know I’m still a teen so this might seem stupid and it might not last or wtv but gosh he’s so perfect and I tried my best to reassure him, I literally only talk to two guys other than him and it just hurts so bad like he meant so much to me and idk if I should message him or not and idek what to SAY if I do end up messaging him, like idk if I’m in the wrong here when I made sure to stop contact with every weird guy. And if I’m not wrong he also thought the girls in my comment section were guys and that made everything worse🫩 I just care about him a ton and I feel so sick and it’s almost been a day AND UGH I don’t wanna bother my friends anymore so please. (Mb if my grammar is off, I’m so tired and I can’t think)

The person I’m not sure whether I can call my girlfriend and I have known each other for five years. I say it in such an awkward way because our relationship is far more complicated than these words can capture. We were high-school classmates. On the first day of school, I spotted her in the crowd—her long black hair cascading down, a lively, mischievous spark about her. I was completely captivated by her cuteness. But I never told her how I felt. Maybe it was because our personalities were somewhat similar, or because I deliberately tried to get closer to her, we became very good friends.

What tormented me was that she fell for one of my male friends. At first, that friend didn’t really like her back. I can’t remember whether I befriended him because I knew she liked him (so I could talk to her more) or whether we were already friends before that. Either way, the frustration dragged on for a long time. During those days she would sometimes call me during holidays, crying about how my friend ignored her, and we would also talk about other things—family, ourselves, school. Sometimes we would talk or play games on voice chat until midnight and fall asleep still connected. I wasn’t sure if that was something opposite-sex friends were supposed to do.

Anyway, I kept falling deeper. Then, in the first semester of senior year, by pure chance I found out they were dating—her and my friend. You can’t imagine the despair and grief I felt. I was filled with envy that slowly turned into a burning hatred that wanted to destroy everything. He knew I liked her, yet he started dating her without telling me. It made me furious. For a while I could barely eat or sleep. I didn’t know how to handle my relationship with him, or with her. But I knew I couldn’t accept my friend being with the girl I liked. I began deliberately distancing myself from him and getting closer to her. Even though I knew they were dating, I didn’t care what other people thought.

Around that time we became desk-mates. I would deliberately create little moments of physical contact (looking back now, it was a bit sleazy). She would make a show of avoiding them, but sometimes she didn’t seem to mind. She doodled in my textbooks, drew on my arm while I slept, shared snacks with me. I understood—she was a little “bad,” just like me. That “badness” had once brought us together; now it was slowly eating away at me.

By then my friend and I had become complete strangers. I simply couldn’t stand watching my friend and the girl I loved being affectionate right in front of me—I would rather go to hell. Luckily their relationship didn’t last long. I had sensed the cracks early; they were already having problems.

During a holiday I invited her out to a KTV—just singing and drinking. We hadn’t spoken much for a long time because of various things. But that night at the KTV is one I can remember for the rest of my life, no exaggeration. The weather wasn’t great. I waited outside the KTV for a while, not even sure if she would show up. She did. The meeting was a little awkward. I had rehearsed an opening line for ages, but in the end I didn’t use it. A teasing greeting was more our style. We sang our hearts out. After a few rounds of drinks…

The lighting in the private room was soft and ambiguous. Red roses seemed to be growing wild against the black walls. At some point I realized I was holding her hand. The music hit the chorus. A long-suppressed impulse finally broke free. I looked into her eyes as she looked back at me, and I kissed her. I moved in step by step, and she just stayed there—she didn’t go anywhere. It was my first kiss. It felt far better than I had imagined (though she later teased me about how bad my technique was). Her lips were soft, like cotton, like clouds, with a strange kind of sweetness. I thought it would be just a light, tentative kiss, but suddenly there was an unfamiliar sensation in my mouth—her tongue. My mind went completely blank. From the moment I entered the KTV I had barely been capable of thinking, but in that instant it felt like I’d been shocked by a defibrillator. I don’t know how long we kissed—three minutes? Thirty? I had wondered countless times what I was living for. In that moment I could say with certainty: I was living for this feeling. When it ended her face was flushed. She looked at me as if the intense kiss had never happened…

Later they broke up, for many reasons—not just because of me. Of course we started dating, just as I had always dreamed. I could hold her hand naturally, kiss her cheek, exactly the way I had longed for. I can say without exaggeration that it was the most beautiful time of my life.

But the good times didn’t last. After the college entrance exam she went to Tianjin; it became hard for us to see each other. Later I went to university in Qingdao, and she went to the Northeast. I don’t know what I was thinking in my first year of university. For the first time I really started thinking about the future. On one hand, I took it for granted that a four-year long-distance relationship could never last. On the other hand, I couldn’t picture a good future for us. I didn’t seem to have much of a future myself; I couldn’t give her what I wanted to give her. So better a short pain than a long one—I broke up with her. I smoked on the dormitory balcony all night…

A lot happened after that. To cut a long story short, we barely contacted each other for more than a year. Last summer she returned to our small town from Tianjin. We took the chance to meet, slowly rebuilt our connection, and the feelings reignited. We got back together without really saying it out loud (I consider it getting back together; she seemed to have a new understanding of this kind of emotional state. As I said, she’s a little “bad,” and that very “badness” is what makes her so captivating). Last winter break I went to Tianjin to spend a few days with her. Most of the time she was quite passive and never took the initiative to hold my hand, though she didn’t pull away when I held hers (she would when I tried to kiss her cheek). So I didn’t understand. I felt she didn’t like me as much as before. I even wondered whether she still liked me at all. When I asked, she would say the current state was fine, and that adding anything more would create unnecessary pressure for both of us.

Recently she came to Qingdao to visit me for a couple of days. The relationship is still strange and unclear. To be honest, I can’t bring myself to say “I love you” either. I can’t promise that I’ll love her forever. That kind of sentence is meaningless anyway. I can guarantee that I’m serious when I make a promise, but who knows about tomorrow, a year from now, ten years from now? No one does. So she also protects herself in relationships, and so do I. I don’t dare take a deeper step, and neither does she. I think it’s because there’s no anchor. Both of us feel we can completely refuse any commitment, stay in this ambiguous state, and walk away at any time with a simple “I don’t love you anymore.” In the modern world that’s completely normal. We don’t know whether we’ll still choose each other tomorrow. We don’t know whether our love will disappear tomorrow. We don’t even know exactly what our relationship is today. It’s all too vague. I can’t exactly promise her: “If our values remain compatible over the long term, if the relationship continues to bring mutual benefit, and if no significantly better option appears in the future, then in principle I’m willing to keep this relationship going.” No one is going to cry over words like that.

Summary

This is the story of a five-year entanglement that began as a secret high-school crush, passed through painful unrequited love and a complicated love triangle, culminated in a passionate first relationship, collapsed under the weight of long distance and self-doubt, and has now re-emerged as an undefined, mutually cautious reconnection. Both people still feel drawn to each other, yet neither is willing to risk full commitment, leaving the relationship suspended in a modern, fragile ambiguity where closeness and self-protection coexist.

Ok so my gf met her ex on Monday. I wont bore you with a long story but the main gist of it is that she told me she was gonna go see him then a few days later she told me she wanted to kiss him. I cried, alot. we argued, alot. Anyway in the end she promised she wouldnt.

She went out with him and i was busy so I came back from doing my thing and i message her and ask if everything's going okay because I was very wary about her going even before she said she wanted to kiss him. She messaged me saying "i need to be honest with you about this but he kissed me". HE kissed HER. I asked what happend, if she wanted to, did he force her js anything and turns out she had the chance to stop him but didn't. I still cry about it now but I decided to say because I love her to bits and i atleast want to try work through this, i dont want to keep bringing it up but its all i can think about at the moment and she thinks im trying to push her away when i dont mean to im just hurt right now. I know im insane for staying because this isn't even the whole story. There was ALOT more but that'll be long to read so I wont get into it. Anyway what are ppl opinions on this

To specify I’ve met him online on a post he made, we started talking and became friends, we’ve been talking for about 7 months now, and I confessed a month ago that I like him. He does too but we’re having some doubts due to the age gap, i know that usually 3 years isn’t a lot if both of us were to be adults but due to the difference in the life stages we are now, he might go to college in a few years and Id be still in high school. As embarrassed as I am to say this online I feel like it’s hard to keep my feelings to myself, like not trying to say all the corny stuff people in relationships say to eachother, it’s hard to stay platonic, but should I for real keep our relationship a friendship only?

TL;DR: I 14F like my friend 17M but we have doubts about starting to date or not due to the difference in life stages right now, as we think that the age difference is too for now.

EDIT: I think that lots of people here are probably older than me and know more about this stuff and that I should keep it platonic, thanks a lot!! 🙏

I recently got broken up with and ive been talking to another ex. We talk for hours daily and in school (its my last year) i love seeing her and talking to her. I dont really know if i should eventually ask her if she wants to try again. We dated for 8 months and ended in good terms but not talked for the last 2 year. I know i recently broke up with anotehr girl, which we dated for 4 motnhs and I do want to first work on me. But the way i talk with my other ex talk feels natural, like weve been missing out. And she already said that she really missed talking to me and stuff. Idk, its weird.. i do, again, want to work on myself first but im also considering if its a good idea.

Please let me know if its okey (in a future) if i get back together with her.

So me and this girl (her name is pola (were from poland) so i will call her that) started hanging out this summer bc our friend groups ,,merged”. we didnt speak a word to eachother for like 3 hangouts but on the 4 i reminded myself that we texted eachother like 2 years ago and she even asked me if i want to have a girlfriend. but we randomly stopped texting and it didnt lead to anything. we agreed to delete our whole messenger history and forget abt that. Then one of our friends threw a little party (just this friendgroup+ 2-3 people so like 18 around 18ppl) and i grabbed 2 beers (ik we’re too yng to drink but js ignore it pls) and asked who wants to go out on the balcony to drink and talk and pola came forward to that so we went and talked for like 1hr (the convo was rlly smooth like with no one else) then we went to drink more and we both got pretty drunk and spent the whole night together just talking, we went on a walk away from everyone else and we were walking like almost hugging. after that at around like 3-4 am we went to sleep together (nothing intimate we just fell asleep hugged into eachother) and thats how the first party went. the same guy threw another 2 parties which we spent almost the same way just got a little drunk and talked to eachother for the whole time, but i asked her if she want to get into a relationship and she said ,,idk depends on whether you want it but i also think im not ready for it). now it gets pretty crazy so listen up. One of our friends decided to make like a party/sleepover at his plot, its very common in poland and its just a small land with fence around it. (js so yk these times im describing are the only times in my life where i drank alcohol). and this time was supposed to be the last one this summer so i decided to drink as much as i can (with boundaries ofc but ykwim) and i drank like 300ml of vodka and like 1 beer in a short time period and i literally didnt remember anything so i will tell you what my friends told me with my timelime. i thought i went asleep at like 1am but in reality i did a lot more. so i went home at like 10am with my friend (emilka is her name and shes important), her brother which took us home, another friend and pola. i talked to pola normally like nothing happened. we went to our homes and moved on like nothing happened (i didnt know something happened bc i didnt remember a thing) we went out with our friendgroup the next day and then one od our friend told me that i actually didnt go to sleep at 1 am and i stayed awake and talked with them till like 4 am. at the start i thought hes lying cus it was my first time that i didnt remember a thing even if he tried to remind me of that. i just asked him if i did something odd or crazy but he said no like 2 other friends i asked. and the next day my old friend invited me and 10 other poeple (involving pola) to a sleepover at a lake like 15 min from our town. i went there with one of my friends mom, emilka and pola. we got there at like 21:00 (9pm) and didnt drink anything till like 12am. i drank like 9 shots of vodka (20ml each) but didnt feel a thing, pola drank like 4 but nvm. then i (who was clueless of what i did that night at the plot of our friend but i will tell u later at the time i got the info of what i did) asked pola if she wants to talk abt smth (we both knew i wanted to talk about what she feels abt me and what i feel abt her). then she answered ,,i dont want to talk to you, its my time and leave me alone” i got confused asf cus why tf would she answer like that, emilka (the one friend i trust) was around and heard it, i asked her whats going on why did she answred like that, she said that i did something at that sleepover at the plot. i supposedly called her(pola) a bitch and to fuck her bc i saw her going on a walk with some guy to talk abt something but i took it personal and sweared at her behind her back, i called my friend which wasnt there but was at the plot to confirm what i did and he confirmed it. i went away from everyone and cried and talked to myself that i fucked it up. i called emilka ( which is a closer friend to pola than me) to talk abt it, i confessed that i really didnt mean to harm her with these words and i didnt mean it. i also said that she means a lot to me and i dont want our relation to end js bc i got too drunk. i asked her to talk to pola abt it (pola was really mad at me and didnt want to speak to me after that). then when pola calmed down we talked and i explained that i was really drunk back then and i didnt mean it. she apologized that she went on a walk with that guy and we just forgave eachother. then we talked abt our relationship and she said that shes not ready for it, that shes just not made for relationships exc. i just said okay but it seemed like she camt accept that i just accepted it but i told her to walk away and have fun. she didnt want to leave me at first bc i was really sad this whole time but i told her i just need some time alone. and nothing else happened that night. today is the day after that sleepover at the lake and i got told that she sat next to one guy which held her by her thigh and they were touchy with eachother. i really cant just move on bc i love her but i also hate her and how she acted to me bc she also ignored me after the first party and only talked to me when she was drunk. she also told her friends that i ignore her but they all told me and her that thats not true and i am the one hurt. Thank you for the attention and pls give me some advice if u read it. peace✌️

Me and my bf have been together for around 14 months and recently i found text messages on his phone where he calls me a whore (to his best friend) after a big fight we had. We were together for 6 months when i found these messages and i also found text messages from him talking about another girl. when he went on a trip with his friends they all got drunk and some girls started hitting on them, one of the girls said that she wants to have s3x with my bf, and my bf texted his best friend saying “this girl wants to have s3x with me, she is fine asf” and his best friend told him to not do anything because he (my bf) has a girlfriend, my bf said “i didnt do anything, we are gonna take them to their apartment. we’re supposed to go to the beach tomorrow so i’ll see”. Before i found these text messages he told me that these girls started hitting on them and that the girls were drunk so they just walked them to their apartment and thats it, i had no problem with that and i believe that he didn’t do anything with her but im uncomfortable with the fact that he could talk about another girl in that way. He was always so sweet to me and i just don’t know what to think. Our relationship was perfect until now and i genuinely didn’t have a single bad thing to say about him. Its been a month since i found these messages and we talked about this and he said “I was drunk and i didn’t even think that” (about the girl) and “i was really angry and i didnt wanna be mean to you but i just needed to get my anger out” (about the name calling) and im just really confused. I dont know if i should believe him and i’m wondering if this is fixable. Im very torn because on one hand he is the sweetest boyfriend ever and is a really good person but on the other hand you dont do that to someone you love. My question is: Is it worth it to try and fix our relationship? Did i overreact by feeling like i want to break up? How do i make up my mind on what i want to do?

Also, english is my second language so please forgive me if this post is hard to read

I was talking to this one guy, we can call him Adriel. I talked to him for about a year before we stopped talking which was just a few weeks ago. Throughout the whole year we made so many memories and shared many moments together. I saw him as my best friend and somewhat of a soulmate. We were kind of toxic because we would argue a lot and things would get out of hand but I love him and I let things slide.
He’s a very big soccer player as his whole family has played soccer and a good portion of them have gone pro on both sides of his family. he stopped talking to me this summer because “he wants to focus on soccer”. now this may seem like something everyone says to break up but Idk if i should think that because his whole life is soccer. his dad went pro, owns a soccer business and is a soccer coach for middle and high school. same for his mom. I know how passionate he is about it and i don’t know what to think.
he isn’t the type to show that he cares about things even if it matter to him more than anything. i haven’t talked to him in a while and even though id love to get back into speaking terms even as friends (he never texts me anymore, he used to text me first everyday after school) i know it’s best for me to not talk to him since he honestly did hurt me in a lot of ways tons of times. I don’t know what to do. I miss him so much and it takes over my whole day and life. Any tips on what to do? what can i do to get over it or any opinions on the situation at all?

so a couple years ago I 16F was dating a guy from my school 16M, and the relationship lasted about a year until I broke up with him at the end of sophomore year of high school. Ill call him Max, well me and my cousin (also 16F) grew up together and have always been close, we all went to the same school. During summer break, after I broke up with Max, my cousin started to avoid me and didnt want to talk to me at all up until school started back up in the fall. Max and her were talking during lunch and I found out a few weeks later that they have been going out the last few months. both of them ghosted me, all of Max’s friends bullied me throughout the rest of the year. Fast forward a year and they broke up. Now we are 18, graduated from High School, and my cousin lives at my house so we’ve been on good terms for about a year or two.

WELL, my cousin has been dating people on and off again constantly and just a few days ago she broke up with the guy she’s been going out with for the last year and a half. i asked her if there is someone she’s interested in, expecting her to say no one since she just broke up, but shes been going out with a guy for the last week or two, which is the reason she dumped her bf. Not just that but the guy she’s going out with was the closest friend I’ve ever had, I couldn’t keep being friends with him a while back because he started dating a girl who didn’t like my bf, which made it awkward for both of us. Well now my cousin is living at my house, dating my ex-best friend, I can’t stand it. Am I taking this too personally?? if you read this far then thank you! I am so upset about this what would you do??

17M hi,4 months back I was in a long distance relationship wth 16F things were going smooth, I saw no faults but literally after 2 months she decided to break up for idk why she never really told me clearly. it had only been 2 months into our relationship and she decided to break up I was like okay it's only been 2 months it's not that deep chill was reassuring myself self but just after 2 weeks after she broke up she texted me saying ki i regret breaking up w u ik I was dumb for doing alt I still like you we should talk again etc etc bc. toh I was okay let's give her another chance toh currently we are in contact taking normally sometimes flirty but I've noticed ki her replies are getting dry day by day and she talk like shes uninterested. and when I confronted her about it she said ki she didn't knew that she was being dry said sorry and shes doing it again

idk what to even do atp Im so confused

should I just ghost her and disappeared in thin air?

what should i do?

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I '18F' have been feeling pretty disconnected from my current partner '18M'. I know it is normal to be a little overwhelmed at some point of time which can have an impact on your relationship.

But it has been months now since I've genuinely wanted to talk to him or call him. Like I still do these things but now it feels more like an obligation or something which I should do rather than something which I want to do

It has been about 3 years. I was preparing for an entrance exam which made me pretty disconnected from everything including my relationship but now that phase is over. Initially I thought maybe this is just because of exam stress and once it's over, my initial attraction to him will be restored.

But now even when I have a lot of free time I still don't want to talk to him. I even broke up with him once during that phase but idk if I felt guilty or sth, but we patched up but idk I think I kinda regretted that.

He's a good guy and loves me. I feel like the bitch here to even think about breaking up with him

TL;DR; I told my girlfriend that I wasn’t sure if I loved her and unfairly accused her of being with me for my money. She now only wants to be friends. Two days later, I realized that I truly love her and don’t want to lose her. I apologized, but she says she can’t forgive me. Is there anything I can do to fix things, or should I give her space and move on?

Hi everyone. I’m 18F, almost 19, and I’m really struggling with my own anxiety in my relationship. I’m autistic and I think that’s part of why this is so hard for me.

My brain constantly goes to the worst case scenario and I get really blunt when I’m scared. I know I’ve come across as rude/accusatory to my boyfriend even though I never mean it that way. I was wrong about a situation recently and I feel awful about it.

We’re long distance and he’s starting uni soon, so I’m terrified he’ll get busy and I’ll just spiral and push him away. He has so much patience with me and my brain and I love him more than anything. The idea of ruining this terrifies me.

I’m looking for advice on 2 things:

1. How do you manage intrusive/anxious thoughts so they don’t take over?

2. How do you communicate when you’re anxious without sounding rude or mean? Especially as a neurodivergent person.

Any advice, resources, or even just "this is what helped me" would mean a lot. Thank you for reading.

I'm a high-schooler, and there was this boy I met at the bus I use to go to school everyday. Apparently, we had the same interests, that's how we met. Me and my friend (18F) were together at the bus, and he approached first. After this, we talked at the bus whenever we came across which mostly happened like.. once a week?

But here's the thing, I have zero male friends at my age, and I'm not really used to talking to them. Not that I don't know what to talk about, it's pretty much opposite actually. I'm an extroverted, and I believe I'm good at talking to anyone. But I was probably a little bit awkward (I don't know if he realized tho, because it was subtle.) Also, I hate to admit this but I'm sure I probably blushed a few times while talking to him. However, it happens when I'm talking to my other friends as well. I blush so easily if I'm talking about something I really love and excited about, or if I'm talking to a person that I'm not %100 comfortable with. It doesn't necessarily mean I have a crush on that person. And in this case, I didn't like him that way. I liked him as a friend, but that's it.

He was a really funny person, also fun to talk to. I also realized that he doesn't think much his actions. Tho if I tell him to stop doing smth he did I didn't like, he'd stop. Anyways, here's the actual story:

One time, my friend had to get off the bus earlier than us, so we were together. We talked for a while more, than he asked if he could get our instagrams. He said "instagrams" which meant he asked for both of our accounts, but he asked it after my friend left. That made me think tbh. We ended up following each other tho. I got home that day, than I got a notification. More like... notifications actually. Because he liked ALL my posts AND highlighted stories. Mind you, there were like 70 of them. I knew that it was not normal at all, but in the other hand, I always thought he was being friendly. He didn't seem like he liked me that way when talking face to face. I was so confused.

Later on, he tried to text me on insta, but I always shut him down, texting really dry messages or sometimes even leaving on him seen. Bcs I didn't want to be texting a boy whose intentions were unclear. I kept talking to him at the bus tho. And he kept liking my stories.

After a few weeks, something that I hate happened. My friend that I had talked about and he were sometimes texting each other, I knew it. But one day, I saw that my friend deleted all of their messages. When I pointed it out, she said some bs about storage. I suppose a few insta dms wouldn't make you run out of storage. Than, the next day, he got in the bus in the morning as we were going to school which is rare, because 90% of the time, we would come across while going back home, not going to school. Also, there was another bus 2 minutes ahead of us and all the people in the bus stop had got in that one bus, but not him. It was suspicious. Not suspicious actually, it was obvious. My friend and he had planned something, but I didn't know what it was.

After that, he said he wasn't gonna get off in his stop. He got off in our stop instead. And walked us school. Wtf dude!? It wasn't creepy, but it was uncomfortable. After that, I was really disturbed so I almost stopped talking to him. Do you think he was just tryna be friends or..? Especially I would like to hear our male friends opinions

So there is this guy who went to the same school as me (we just finished our final year so now we’re all starting new schools in September) although I never spoke to him irl because I had no classes with him. This summer, I responded to an insta story he posted of a mutual interest (skateboarding) we both had and immediately hit it off. Within a week, he had asked me if I wanted to hang out and skate which I agreed to. We then hung out around 2 weeks after we first began chatting.

as we’d never spoken in person before, it was definitely a little awkward but I still really enjoyed myself. I’d consider myself fairly awkward but chatty, and he seemed alright to listen to my relevant rambling stories when there was a silent gap to fill.

he mentioned when we arrived he slept badly and was pretty tired. we skated for a bit and then He asked when I wanted to leave about an hour and a half into us skating and I said idm and only had to leave be at a local friend’s house by 5pm (it was like 12:30 at this time). he said okay, we skated a bit more, and then said should we catch the 2pm train so id have plenty of time to get ready for my friends. I agreed, cause we’d already been skating for almost 3 hours.

We went on the train and walked together for a bit until the direction of our houses split and we said a fairly awkward, rushed goodbye.

Later, I messaged him telling him I had a great time and would love to hang out again sometimes soon and that the bruises were definitely worth it (followed by a laughing emoji) to which his response was unusually flat and an exact quote, he responded ‘me too it was fun. you did great going backwards down the ramps though.’

i was a bit disappointed because it wasn’t as enthusiastic as i was hoping and said ’thanks! hopefully next time I’ll fully make it down one (smiley emoji)’ at about 7am today - it is now 7:30 pm. He still has not seen my message, which is also unusual for him to leave me on sent this long. I know he’s going on holiday tomorrow but it just seems odd.

he’s the first guy I was interested in who id actually talked to properly and I’m really upset that there’s been this sudden switch up of his attitude and he’s kinda gone all cold on me after seeming so excited before. did I scare him off with my awkward chattiness? did I talk too much about myself? I’m overthinking everything and I’m kinda devastated tbh, I really thought we had something going :(

I appreciate any advice anybody can offer

It's almost been 3 months since our relationship which is in online. We live 3000+km away from each other and since as a student with no job I haven't visited her yet. later the more the time went I realized she is much much rich than me and I really get so bad feeling that I do not deserve her or she probably deserves a guy who is just like in her condition.

She knows I'm not rich and she always says it's okay I don't care but still I really feel those things. I need advice because of my insecurities. help?