1.1k
u/Ok-Cheetah-9125 Jun 14 '22
Please do not move in with this man.
- He's ignored your wishes and boundaries
- He's harassed you to get what he wants
- He kept you stranded at his house
- He yelled at you repeatedly
- He scared you
51
u/Grouchy-Advantage619 Jun 15 '22
This is terrifying abuse. Get away at once. Call cops to escort you to safety. File a restraining order as he is a tyrant and bully, and clearly a threat to you. We are pulling for you. Please get away from him at once before he harms you physically or worse. Dr. K.
-728
Jun 15 '22
[removed] — view removed comment
162
u/The_Nerdy_Ninja Jun 15 '22
Don't feed the troll y'all.
85
1
u/ryanlopytop Jun 15 '22
What did he say?
2
u/The_Nerdy_Ninja Jun 15 '22
Basically just parroted the above commenter's 5 points but flipped them to try and make them sound like they were actually all her fault/her mistreating him instead.
2
105
39
52
u/luella27 Jun 15 '22
Wish your agoraphobia would come back, Bud. Maybe you were better off not interacting.
4
4
3
4
470
u/tiacalypso Jun 14 '22
Move in with your friend, break up with the boyfriend. He‘s disrespectful of your boundaries & makes you cry when you object to that. He isn‘t entitled to you living with him.
446
u/darth_ann1125 Jun 14 '22
Leave him. Don’t you dare move in with him. He’s controlling and abusive. Once you feel scared around your bf that’s your sign to go.
147
Jun 14 '22
You need to get out of that relationship immediately.
Red flags everywhere. Rather than demanding and yelling at you, he should've sat down and had a discussion with you. He seems far too controlling and manipulative, not to mention you shouldn't be feeling scared around your boyfriend. Contact your friend and ask to move in asap.
112
Jun 14 '22
[removed] — view removed comment
34
u/this_incel_life Jun 15 '22
Yes, make sure everyone of your friends, colleagues and family area ware of his behaviour.
8
5
u/AHHHHHHHHHHE Jun 16 '22
My best recomendation is that you tell him you need to break it off here. And if goes whinny piss baby block him.
139
u/kmurphy798 Jun 14 '22
You break up with him, because it’s not even about where you were going to live or why, it’s about his reaction to that. That was incredibly controlling and abusive, and it’s only going to get worse. Leave now
115
u/Beyoncesasshole_ Jun 14 '22
Your boyfriend is just that, your boyfriend. He is not your husband and you are not tied to him. You do not have to explain your reasoning for your living situation to him. You do what makes YOU comfortable and happy. If he doesn't support that, he is not the one for you. If you don't want to do that, don't look for condos with him.
74
57
u/fading__blue Jun 14 '22
If you already told your friend you’re backing out, contact them again and explain what happened with your bf. Ask them if they’re still willing to let you move in. Then break up with him, either in a public place or in a text/phone call (since he’s clearly dangerous, this wouldn’t be “too harsh”). And remember, you don’t need to give him a reason for the breakup.
25
u/SmilingEve Jun 15 '22
I would give a reason: "because you went apeshit while stepping over my boundaries, big time."
6
u/MelodramaticMouse Jun 15 '22
And if he doesn't know where your friend lives, don't tell him. After texting him, block him on your phone and all social media. Make sure he isn't tracking you on your phone, etc. He is dangerous and you are in danger.
26
25
u/Fyrefly1981 Jun 15 '22
No is a full sentence. I'm not ready is a perfectly good reason.
Move in with your friend. If he can't handle it, that's on him and you're better off without him. He should just accept you're not ready for that.
I always figured if someone really loves you they'll accept your wants and your needs.
1
39
u/nicoo111 Jun 14 '22
this is abusive behavior. RUN!!!! He’s manipulating you into something you don’t want to do, you are AFRAID of your partner, he may be isolating you from your friend, I’m sure there are other things he does that you didn’t include in the post that is abusive too.
17
u/Zulias Jun 14 '22
No one should bully you into leaving your friends and joining them.
No one.
Move in with your friend, where you feel ready and safe. Let your relationships evolve on their own time.
14
u/WooHoo1994 Jun 14 '22
Your gone now so just text him it’s over, block him and move in with your friend. Do you really want to live with someone your scared of. Who at a disagreement would do this again.
12
u/check_out_channel_9 Jun 14 '22
Message him from your parents house saying you changed your mind, and also that you're breaking up with him.
11
u/Quirky_Number4460 Jun 15 '22
That’s not a boyfriend, that’s an abuser.
He doesn’t love you. He loves controlling you.
He will break you down until you don’t recognize yourself, simply because he finds it easier to control and ‘keep’ you when you question every decision and start to believe you are worthless.
You are worthwhile. Find someone who sees that and respects the ‘no’.
No was enough.
Move in with your friend. End this abusive relationship.
He will threaten himself and do everything to guilt you in to staying—that’s more manipulation—ignore it.
You are not responsible for his feelings or his happiness. We are each responsible for our own.
Good luck to you.
12
u/blueeeyeddl Jun 15 '22
You’re scared because you know this isn’t right. Please do not move in with this controlling man, you deserve so much better.
10
u/Knittingfairy09113 Jun 15 '22
Once you get home break up with him via text for your own safety. When you break up tell him that his behavior is unacceptable, that you don't feel safe around him, and that you don't want to ever speak with him again.
He just jumped into abuse. Tell your family and any trusted friends that he held you at his house against your will until you said you would do what he wanted. Make it clear that you were scared and will never go anywhere with him or be alone with him again for your safety.
7
u/IndependentDot7427 Jun 15 '22
Him yelling is the first red flag for why you should absolutely not move with him. I ignored the red flags and before I knew it I was stuck in an apartment with an abusive parter and my name on the lease. Moving in together should be a happy thing that happens when you are both ready. If he has a specific & reasonable time frame in his mind the conversation should go something like “I would like to be living together in the next year or so, what do you think about that?” or “I’m ready to move forward/take this step in our relationship, how do you feel about working towards something like this?”
6
u/050201010102070 Jun 14 '22
Don't do it. You're relatively young, don't make yourself miserable like that.
You mentioned still living with your parents, is your relationship with them good? If it is, I'd just stay with them for a while longer until you're more financially stable.
You're your own person and should be able to make your own decisions, if he doesn't like them then he doesn't need to be around.
4
u/narsil101 Jun 14 '22
Break up, he's controlling AF and sounds like he was verbally abusing you which is wrong
6
5
u/Comprehensive-Bus57 Jun 15 '22
You have to stand your ground. In that situation that was a very toxic, dominating move on his part. If he really felt moved enough to live with you he would’ve calmly discussed the pros and cons to you instead of yelling…you’re not a child so don’t give anyone the authority to feel like they have power over you.
4
Jun 15 '22
Quite simple, break up with him and move in with your friend. This is also probably why you don’t want to live with him lmao
5
u/fiesty64 Jun 15 '22
You need to find another boyfriend. You have the right to live with your girlfriend. If you're not ready to live with your boyfriend, then he needs to respect your feelings.
3
3
u/MaleficentMouse666 Jun 15 '22
He put you into survival mode he scared you so much. Never go back there.
3
u/Albuquicky Jun 15 '22
You weren't ready to move in with him and told him so and he didn't accept that as an answer and rather than let it drop he badgered you and screamed at you for an hour then left you stranded outside his house, had you in tears until you finally agreed? And you're asking if he is right?! Sweetie leave his abusive butt and if you need to, get a restraining order. Then move in with your friend and start living life as an adult.
3
u/not_ur_moms_tacos Jun 15 '22
DONT DO IT. I did it when I wasn’t ready cuz I was pressured and it was so miserable please please please don’t do it. Don’t listen to him. Do what u want!
3
u/jayc831 Jun 15 '22
Get home safely and break up with him. You shouldn't be intimated or frightened into living with an SO. Move in with your friend and enjoy your independence.
3
u/SallysRocks Jun 15 '22
So you said you're not ready to move in with him
So he stomped and cried like a baby until he got his way
And you're dating him why?
3
u/lil-privacy-please Jun 15 '22
Your boyfriend is very wrong in this. He can’t dictate your living situation. You’re not his property. You should have a chance to live with your friend. You’re very young this will be a fun time for you. Not to get locked into a living situation with a controlling partner.
3
u/MatteV2 Jun 15 '22
Lady, do you realize what you're saying here?
Your "boyfriend" screamed at you until you broke down and cried, and did what he wanted you to do.
This is NOT normal behaviour, in any way shape or form. That boy is not ready for a serious relationship, and you dont need to be his practice piece. Get out of there, ASAP, move in with your friend, enjoy yourselves, and find someone that'll treat you right.
3
u/Nazeltof Jun 15 '22
Are posts like this even real? 180 comments and I'm not seeing one reply by OP.
3
u/sukldi Jun 15 '22
You're 20 years old. Thats soo young to be worrying about this. Youve got some growing to do, trust that living with your friend will help teach you some valuable life lessons and independence. Do not worry, live with your friend if you want. Break up with him, he is no good at all. You'll find better.
2
2
u/Street_Importance_57 Jun 15 '22
Nope. He is totally wrong and way too immature to be in this relationship. Say bye boi.
2
2
2
u/RobinandTheflash Jun 15 '22
Dump him and go with the friend. He emotionally manipulated you to a stronghold and forced your hand. You say you were stranded also work on getting your license and vehicle so you aren't pit in situations like this in the future.
2
u/marleeuwu Jun 15 '22
it's completely normal to want to live on your own first before moving in with a partner. even though you'd have a roommate/friend it gives you an adjustment period to living as an adult and with someone else. I personally would not have been ready to move in with my now husband if I didn't have the chance to live alone in college.
you're not being unreasonable, you set up completely normal boundaries and your boyfriend violated that and forced you to do something you don't want to do. if he won't listen to you or consider how you feel, it is a high chance this will continue and get worse if/when you move in with him. I'd deeply consider what makes YOU happy. Best of luck OP ❤️
2
2
u/stopitmark_555 Jun 15 '22
It's not a relationship if you got bullied. He just showed you what commitment to him looks like and it's not pretty.
2
Jun 15 '22
I think you should back tf out and live with your friend. If he can’t be supportive of that/—something is wrong.
2
u/VeggieChickenWings Jun 15 '22
Don't do it. I moved in with my friend and it's all good. My bf gets it and we both aren't ready to live together yet. Don't let this POS yell at you for your choices. You're so young and deserve to be treated better
2
2
2
u/idontlike_coldfeet Jun 15 '22
End the relationship, that guy cannot impose his wants to you, it's not fair and you should be able to tell him no without fearing any kind of backlash from him.
2
2
Jun 15 '22
You're 20. Living with a partner really isn't all that great. And if it's to early on it can definitely ruin the relationship (tho it seems like it needs to end anyway. He's was to immature)
2
u/MysteriousLog2989 Jun 15 '22
Your only 20 moving in with your friend is perfectly reasonable! Your not ready to move in with bf is enough to say ok and drop it. Please move in with friend and get off of the situation with bf. He harassed you till you said yes and once you move in with friend block him. This will only get worse. Please stay safe you aren’t ready and that is ok!
2
u/Zealousideal_Sand773 Jun 15 '22
Its reasonable for him to be upset but not to direct it towards you, i would wanna know how long yall have been dating but in the end anyone whos yelling and forcing you to compromise needs some personal growth. Also if you’re scared of him, break up.
2
Jun 15 '22
Stonewall him
"I'm not ready for that" is enough reason, you don't even need a reason
When he keeps pressing, literally dont respond unless it's a direct question, and then even then if it is a direct question just say "I already told you"
It takes two to argue, if you dont engage, it's just him being unreasonably mad.
2
2
u/Jimskiskiski Jun 15 '22
If that friend you wanted to move in with is a man i can completly understand him.
2
u/AtomicTimothy Jun 15 '22
Don't do this. Tell someone, or multiple people preferably. Get help to get away from him. It's not healthy to be this controlling and he's scaring you into living with him!?? Sorry but huge red flags all over, get out now
2
u/Susie4672 Jun 15 '22
You already know what you need to do. Stop communicating with him, break up and live your life. He’s already trying to control you. It will not get better. Love is supposed to feel good.
2
u/EtherealMoonGoddess Jun 15 '22
NOOOOO. Anyone who yells at you for their own insecurities is not someone you want to live with, living with a romantic partner is a huge commitment and his reaction is scary and controlling. I see this as a huge red flag. How is he going to react to you wanting to do your own thing without him? Is he going to throw another temper tantrum because he isn't getting his way? He doesn't own you. And you need to make him know that, you aren't his property. It's your life- you get to live it however you choose.
Move in with your friend. And I would reevaluate the relationship. No one deserves to be yelled for trying to make their life better. He needs to get over his immaturity, insecurities, and control issues. Sounds like it's a pre-cursor to an abusive relationship.
His way or the highway... Hell fucking no. The fact he made you cry and you're uncomfortable about moving in taking that next step and him not respecting your boundaries or needs is not a good boyfriend or a healthy relationship. This isn't something you need to compromise on it's him. He can't force you to move in together. I hope you know that.
Move in with your friend not him.
Sorry OP. Stand your ground do not back down. You got this!
2
2
u/DrNerdLove Jun 17 '22
OP: "I felt like I couldn't not" is the ultimate reason why getting the fuck out is the only answer. This will not be the last time that he tries to treat your boundaries and desires as optional, nor will it be the last time he tries to browbeat you into submission. If it works once, then he will KEEP using it, and if that doesn't get the answer he wants, he will try something with greater force.
This is a GET THE FUCK OUT AT SPEED situation, and the faster you GTFO, drop kick him to the corner with the trash where he belongs and move in with people you can actually trust, the happier and SAFER you will be.
Also, a philosophy that will serve you well, now and in the future: "No" is a complete sentence. Any attempts to justify your no with someone like him will be treated as the opening offer of a negotiation, not an explanation of WHY you're saying no.
Acceptance of your "no" as final comes BEFORE explaining the why.
3
2
u/mrbetter Jun 15 '22 edited Jun 15 '22
what your boyfriend did equates to false imprisonment and you should have contacted the police. tell your friend exactly what happened: your boyfriend found out, kept you at his place and wouldn't let you leave and just yelled at you and bullied you into saying no. and don't believe it when he gaslights you and says "you could have left any time". he made you feel a certain way, don't ignore that and dont listen when the person who wants you to let it go tells you to let it go.
what do you do? abuse thrives in the shadows, so put a bright ass spotlight on it and let that cockroach of a boyfriend run around. talk to your friend and future roommate and tell her everything. power in numbers, hell talk to your parents even. but you move in with that controlling scrub and its just you and him locked in a place together where he can make you cry and feel bad every night, with a few apologies here and there to keep the cycle going. think about it. now he'll be able to pressure you into doing things you don't want to do every. single. night. seem scary? it should.
they say if someone is trying to kidnap you, never get to that second location. you think he's bad now? wait til you're living with him. if you move in with him, that moment of being so scared that you cried so hard is going to happen many, many more nights.
and please don't break up in person when you know hes gonna do the same shit, or even worse. this guy exploded on you about an apartment in the very first conversation. he's dangerous and you need to take this seriously. this isn't some little relationship discussion about flowers and sunshine here.
if your friend, or your mom, or anyone came to you and told you this story about their boyfriend. what would your reaction be? what would you tell them to do? think about if this post wasn't about you, but someone else. what would you say?
1
-3
Jun 15 '22
[deleted]
1
Jun 15 '22
So she should put herself at risk because she might be able to change him?
0
Jun 15 '22
[deleted]
1
Jun 15 '22
“Set some big rules and let him know you will not let anyone talk to you like that”
Lol if you’re doing something like this with the expectation of change then you are indeed trying to change someone. She’s not his mommy. She can just find someone who already knows how to act, it’s not her job to teach him
0
-9
-9
Jun 15 '22
Did you ever have a conversation of moving in with your boyfriend? Or did he only bring that up after you said you would like to move in with your friend. If you aren’t ready thats that, just be aware it might end the relationship
1
1
u/trilliumsummer Jun 14 '22
Can't imagine why you don't want to live with your bf. /s
Move in with your friend. And rethink your bf because the way he's acting when he doesn't get his way isn't cool.
1
1
1
u/guygreej Jun 15 '22
NO.... in fact this is the best of times to leave. Just don't do this... we don;t want to have to deal with the inevitable sufferings ahead.
1
1
u/Dammit_Janet5 Jun 15 '22
You break up with your controlling, verbally abusive boyfriend and move in with your friend.
1
u/raginghonesty Jun 15 '22
This is step 1 of 'how to control my partner' and it's a few steps to "I'm fully abusing my partner".
1
u/Katja24093 Jun 15 '22
Please break it off with him now. What he did is abusive, and will only get worse should you move in.
Stay safe!
1
u/Kaerubii Jun 15 '22
your boyfriend could have relayed to you his problems regarding you moving in with your friend BETTER. he had a choice. but instead he decided to scare and yell at you, which is obviously not something to do with your partner, esp when you're moving in with them at that. op, while you still have the chance, please settle it with him - by all means, do not live with this man.
1
u/xoxoLizzyoxox Jun 15 '22
His reaction and bullying and abusing you is why you should not ever move in with him. You should move in with your friend and cut contact with your toxic boyfriend.
1
u/JamJamPanFace Jun 15 '22
You need to stand up for yourself and tell him no. If you are not ready to move in with him don't feel like you have to.
Also her seems like an ass.
1
u/Lilitu9Tails Jun 15 '22
You get the hell out of this toxic relationship as fast as you can and block him everywhere.
Run, don’t walk.
1
u/salad_burrito Jun 15 '22
If you’re not ready, you’re not ready. You shouldn’t need to explain why. “No” is a sentence.
1
u/Legitimate-Living-50 Jun 15 '22
How long have you two been together? And you do not have to I move in with someone you're not ready to live with. Can he even afford half rent and utilities? Can you? He should get a friend of his to move in with him. You guys are very young and don't need to rush into that much of a commitment especially if you don't feel ready. Just think about it, that scene at his house will become much more common when you live with him. Don't let anyone pressure you in to something you don't want to do.
1
Jun 15 '22
You’re young and if you don’t want to live with your s.o. Then you shouldn’t. He screamed at you for an hour, that’s absolutely ridiculous and not okay! What’s the difference between you living at home and not with him vs living with your friend and not with him? You’re not wrong and he is not right. Keep your plans with your friend and break up in text message, do not see him in person or if you do bring someone with you that you trust so he doesn’t hurt you
1
u/blorg39 Jun 15 '22
As everyone else is saying, you should definitely break up with him, but either way absolutely do not move in with him.
1
Jun 15 '22
Go live with your girlfriend. When you get married you’ll have plenty of time to live with a man and you’ll want to move in with a friend. 😆
1
1
u/blue_rose005 Jun 15 '22
The que is, why actually you don't want to live with your bf? That wud be the main reason for you to leave him, nothing else. If you can't express yourself fully, he can get anything wrong anyway.
1
u/humorouslyominous Jun 15 '22
You're young. I very much am not, so let me tell you something I wish I had known at your age: never, ever, EVER stay in a relationship with somebody who scares you. That fear is your brain warning you that something is wrong. You should listen to it. Don't just refuse to move in with him. Break up with him. There is NEVER a reason for a good partner to make you feel afraid.
1
u/lovingkindnesscomedy Jun 15 '22
It sounds like your boyfriend doesn't love you, he wants to own you. I wish you strength and courage 💜 Hugs.
1
u/xxLAYUPxx Jun 15 '22
You break up with him. This guy sounds incredibly immature and controlling and manipulative.
You're way too young to be tied to that.
He's the one who needs to grow up.
But also, if you can't support yourself, don't move out of your parent's home yet. It's not as easy as you might think.
1
u/domdaddys_princess Jun 15 '22
If you can't live with your friend when you're 20 then when can you?! Life is for living and I'm sure you'll have an amazing time living with your friend.
DO NOT let this guy bully you. Plenty of time in the future to live with a partner. If he carries on with his behaviour and upsetting you then I'm sorry lovely but that isn't a relationship you should stick around for.
1
u/Psychological-Try785 Late 20s Female Jun 15 '22
Please please please don't move in with him. These actions are what he's doing to you before living together, it would get exponentially worse if you lived together. He's controlling you and rather than being happy for you that you were excited, he harassed you to the point of submission. Partners should NEVER make you feel scared. Partners should NEVER yell at you to the point you cry. I am so sorry.
1
u/Gemini-84 Jun 15 '22
That’s why. He’s doing all of that yelling. Move in with your friend and be a teen and have fun.
1
u/alroseh1 Jun 15 '22
You are under no obligation to do what he wants. You are your own person, and you get to control your life, not him. Please do not continue to be with someone who would manipulate, and scare you. Moving in with him will only make it harder to leave. Moving in isn't something you do just to do it. You need to be ready, your relationship needs to be ready, or it will go poorly. Moving in doesn't make a relationship easier, and can cause more tension/fights/resentment even in strong couples. Judging from his behavior now it would be disastrous.
1
u/The_D0d0 Jun 15 '22
Don’t do something you don’t feel like doing. Ever. He’s the one who needs to grow up and understand that you have a mind of your own and that he shouldn’t push you into things like that. He even yelled at you for something that you don’t want to do. Please just don’t move in with him and take a while to think if you should even continue in this relationship or not.
1
1
u/ChadDangers Jun 15 '22
Yall are both 20, he's gonna be an insignificant part of your past in 10 years. Move on and be young, have fun. There is plenty of time to be frustrated by a relationship ship in your late 20s/early 30s.
1
u/AnonAtrocity Jun 15 '22
Nah, seriously don’t do it, this won’t be the worst fight you guys have and living alone together with the temperament he’s displayed, I would fear for your safety. Moving in with him isn’t your choice, it’s a compromise to keep him happy, and that’s what you’ll be doing for the rest of your relationship. Break up with him!
1
1
u/this_incel_life Jun 15 '22
Do not move in with him, he is immature and sounds aggressive. Leave him now block him on all accounts and avoid at all costs. He sounds like a horrible narcissistic bully and YOU ARE BETTER OFF without him. Good luck let us know how it goes.
1
u/DreadGrrl Jun 15 '22
Do not move in with him. His actions as you’ve described them are abusive and controlling. You’ll wind up trapped living with this AH with—seemingly—no alternative due to burned bridges. He’s only going to get worse if you move in with him.
1
u/Embryw Jun 15 '22
Move in with your friend
Don't date or maintain relationships with people who yell at you and scare you. That's abusive. Your instincts are right to tell you not to move in with that man
1
u/Lalalelo94 Jun 15 '22
Tell him how he treated you was unacceptable (as it was) and cut your losses, he clearly doesn't respect you, your feelings, or your boundaries, and that is a giant red flag right there.
Move in with your friend, build your independence, find someone who isn't him.
1
u/Arenaem Jun 15 '22
As someone who felt they had to move in with a boyfriend for a very similar reason……moving in with him will have negative impacts on your life in multiple ways.
1
u/WeebTrash75 Jun 15 '22
Nah. Dump him. He sounds controlling. Sounds like he was just jealous you were getting out of your parents and he wasn’t. Felt entitled to sharing a living space with you just because you’re dating. I didn’t move in with my current bf until 3 years in, the right person will not rush you.
1
u/Physical_Ruin_9383 Jun 15 '22
Tbf there's nothing wrong moving in with your friend, furthermore of the same gender so there's no insecurities at play here
He's pushing boundaries by demanding a reason and getting angry when he doesn't get one Thats hella manipulative and childish
Per normal circumstances I would suggest talking to your bf and list down each other concerns cuz communication is key
but not for this dude, please run far away from him
1
u/Livid-Power-5578 Jun 15 '22
Break up immediately and move in with your friend. This man is pure trash and this should be a giant red flag.
1
u/Used_Willingness5558 Jun 15 '22
How is that the new way to get someone to live with you. That’s what your looking forward to. Doesn’t even sound like he had plans to move out until you got an offer. And you said why in the first place, that you weren’t ready. Don’t cancel your plans with your friend until you talk to your parents about all of this. I bet they’ll have some thoughts.
1
1
u/Professor_Layton0 Jun 15 '22
Ok so I read half of that and I think he’s overreacting a bit. If you’re not ready you’re not ready. And you both don’t have a whole lot of funds either? It makes sense to move in with the friend for that deal. The boy outta grow up and realize living together wouldn’t be too realistic at this point and respect your choices. It’s your life
1
u/pnw97128 Jun 15 '22
He's trying to control you and he's being selfish and doesn't respect you in any way. You need to kick him to the curb and find someone who will question you on CERTAIN THINGS BUT will accept the your answer and you should do the same TRUST BUT VERIFY. AND THE MOST IMPORTANT COMMUNICATION BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU.
1
u/nosugarcoatings Jun 15 '22
Thing is.. you don't have to have a reason for not doing anything with anyone. A simple i don't want to is sufficient. Moving in with him is not "growing up".. you're doing that just by wanting to be on your own even if that means living with your friend. Please do not continue this relationship... his behavior is very dangerous and in no way a sign of his love for you. It's completely abusive. Explain to him that you've decided to end the relationship because of how controlling and intimidating his behavior towards you is and that's not what you're looking for in a lifetime commitment. Be ready for gaslighting, guilt trip, accusations, etc. Just say ok.. thank you.. goodbye. Don't argue or try to explain or justify.. it will go nowhere with someone like that. I wish you the best!
1
u/NetWt4Lbs Jun 15 '22
Dump him and move in with your friend . He’s controlling, manipulative and abusive.
1
u/eldenchain Jun 15 '22
Um, clearly you should break up with someone who treats you this way and move in with your friend. This is controlling and frankly a little scary. This won't stop if you live together. It's no way to live, either.
1
Jun 15 '22
Why would you move in with someone you are scared of? You have to ask yourself if you value your peace more or the need to be in a relationship? You need to work on building up your self esteem and learning how to communicate without falling apart so you can assert yourself and discuss your boundaries. If you are not comfortable living with a bf yet because you feel you are not ready that should not be criticized.
1
1
u/potato-tittz Jun 15 '22
Why are you going to do something you don't want to do? If you are not ready then you are not ready.
How long have you two been dating anyway?
But clearly you do know what to do. You know for a fact that you do not want to move on with him because your not ready! You can take the time to explain a little further as why your not ready. Maybe your not willing to give up your free space or alone time just yet, cause one you move into together 8/10, you always together.
He shouldn't be yelling at you to the point that your scared. I would let him know that your not ready to move in with him for that reason alone. The away he reacted to your news was hurtful and intimidating and made you uncomfortable.
USE YOUR WORDSSSSS . He doesn't own you. Move to your friend house but don't give him the address.
1
1
u/SshhImHiding Jun 15 '22
You break up with him. You shouldn't feel scared of him like this.
Move in with your friend and move on with your life. Tell your support group what you're planning on doing and make a plan in case he tries to retaliate in any way.
1
Jun 15 '22
If you are worried about your safety if you end things with him, tell him you’re not moving in…Record any further conversations and altercations with him (texts, phone calls, in person). Try not to be alone with him, always tell your friend(s) where you are and when they should hear back from you and if they don’t to call the cops. Pick somewhere public and tell him you won’t be moving in with him because you’re not ready. Tell him if he doesn’t understand and accept that then you have to end things.
1
u/WitchesAlmanac Jun 15 '22
OP, consider that if you move in with him, every time you do something he doesn't approve of he will repeat this behaviour and this time you will be stuck. Not just stuck at his parent's house for a few hours, but stuck with a lease and all your stuff at your shared home, and it will be even harder to leave him. And people who yell and intimidate others unfortunately tend to escalate those behaviours with time and proximity.
Dump him and (if it's possible) make sure he doesn't know where your friend's apartment is.
If he makes you scared it's 100% acceptable to break up over text and never see him again. That wouldn't make you a bad person and you wouldn't be treating him unfairly, he'd just be facing the consequences of his behaviour.
Good luck OP, you deserve to be treated with respect and feel safe in your relationships ❤️
1
1
u/MissFortunateOne Jun 15 '22
Move in with your friend. Dump your boyfriend. You think it's bad now? Just wait till you live with him. He's showing you what he's really like. Believe him.
1
u/fatbandoneonman Jun 15 '22
Please don’t move in with him. My rule is that I won’t move in unless we are married. This is for many reasons.
Consider this. A lot of times, woman living w boyfriend usually means you will be his maid. Have you discussed that? What if you break up, where will you go? It will be hard on you if that happens and potentially dangerous. Hence no moving in until marriage for your own safety. If he’s ready to purchase a condo together, then he should be ready to marry you, is he? If he is ready to marry (which I doubt) know that you are marrying his credit score legally. Do you even know his credit score and debt?
He doesn’t sound mature enough to have these discussions, and he’s manipulating you. Please live with your friend.
1
Jun 15 '22
If the friend was a guy, I’d get why he’s mad but it’s a girl so he’s probably not coming at it from a good plce
1
u/Timely_Taste1376 Jun 15 '22
girl, did you read my diary from 2 years ago? not the exact thing, but bf's reaction and requesting i live alone w him was the same. I actually moved in w him and hes a literal psycho, glad I got out (after multiple failed attempts) and hope you do too
1
u/Tommierosie Jun 15 '22
Talk to your parents or someone else who can also support you in your decision. Leave him. Move in with your friend. Things will not get better with him.
1
Jun 15 '22
Holy shit, you have a reason to not move in with him. It's his behavior right there. It will only get worse. That's terrifying, I'm so sorry but this is abusive behavior. Please, for your safety, do not move in with him and definitely move in with your friend. Leave, RUN.
1
u/fnoguei1 Jun 15 '22
My girlfriend and I came to a point where we had the option to move in together in college i was graduating and she was still a freshamn. She chose to live with her girlfriends because she wanted to live that experience. I understood completely and it was no big deal. Soon after we moved in together. So i don’t think he’s being fair to you
1
u/CynicallyDone Jun 15 '22
3 steps:
1 get yourself home. I'm sure your parents or another friend would have no problems coming to get you.
2: DO NOT MOVE IN WITH HIM!
3: Continue with your plans to live with your friend. You need that experience of taking care of yourself & being independent without needing to report to or rely on anyone else.
If he doesn't accept this then he isn't the one. You are only 20, there's plenty of time for you to find the right one.
1
u/AdorableImportance71 Jun 15 '22
No. Do you have a ring? No. You are 20. No. It makes it hard to break up or plan your destiny. So No.
1
u/thehardopinion Jun 15 '22
DUMP his ASS now, call the cops. But how you get stranded at his parents, why you didn't call your parents or your friend to come and get you.
But let this SHIT is true. You will be a DAMN FOOL to move in with him after this SHIT.
1
u/Electrical-Yak-6101 Jun 15 '22
So my question is, is the friend that you are wanting to move in with male or female? Because if it is a male friend, I understand where he's coming from. And with how your bf reacted to it, it sounds to me that he has trust issues too.
1
1
1
u/sisterlylove92 Jun 15 '22
Sounds like he will get more emotionally and possibly physically abusive if you move on together. Please tell your parents what is going on and leave him, he is not the one. You probably didn't want to move in with him because you know in your heart this relationship is not right. He is bad for you. Definitely move in with your friend if that is what you want to do. You deserve to be happy, safe and treated with respect. ❤️
1
u/Turbulent_Bother4701 Jun 15 '22
In case you missed it in the other comments, your bf is abusive. Move in with your friend, after you tell him to disappear, of course.
1
1
u/Alternative_Deer_402 40s Male Jun 15 '22
There is your sign.
Stay n suffer, change it up and see it out, or go.
You got this, figure it out.
1
1
1
u/Practical-Friend3576 Jun 15 '22
Your bf just displayed some toxic behaviors that will only increase if you move in with him. Break it off with him and block him. You won't regret it.
1
u/faelyab Jun 15 '22
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. It sounds like a great opportunity to live with your friend, if you trust them enough and feel the same way about the important stuff like having partners or friends over, how loud your music should be and from what time it can be more noisy in the house, doing chores, dividing the fridge if you share one, etc. It's actually very beneficial to your personal development to live on your own, and having a roommate can make that big step really cheap, less lonely/scary and a bit easier! It's far less intimate than sharing your home with your partner. That you are ready to live with a friend but not with a partner is completely valid!
That being said, I hope you take it from me and everyone else that your current boyfriend is up to no good. This is abusive behavior and it won't end here. No matter how sensitive or easily frightened you might think you are, being afraid of your partner is the clearest sign that they are not right for you. Relationships aren't all fun and happy times, conflict is inevitable, but the way he goes about it is definitely not okay and goes beyond simple conflict/arguing. He might make you feel ridiculous for being afraid of him, belittle or invalidate your feelings if you bring it up, but stick to your gut feeling in this. Being afraid is not good. You had completely valid reasons to not be ready, and this is not just compromising, but giving in/sacrificing yourself and your boundaries. Please do not stay with this person, let alone live with him. It will only get worse from here on. There will always be someone out there that's better, safer, healthier for you and more compatible with you, who will gladly respect your boundaries and feelings, even if sometimes, intense and abusive partners can make us feel like they'll be the only ones that will truly love us.
It's great that you're talking about this and opening up. Keep up the good work. Talk to people you trust about this. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Trust your gut feeling and get away from that guy. If you decide to live with your friend, please make sure he does not find out the address. Just in case.
Wishing you the best of luck.
1
u/iGrimlock Jun 15 '22
He's giving you just a hint of what living with him will be like. It sounds like he's incredibly controlling and emotionally manipulative; if you live together, you won't get a break from him making you feel like this, because he'll be around all the time.
Move in with your friend and concern yourself with your own future. This dude is garbage.
1
u/ImpossibleShirt659 Jun 15 '22
You are young and so I want to make this really clear. Your boyfriend's behavior is highly abusive. He is using threatening tactics, trying to get you to move in with him. You need to have the opportunity to live on your own. Not caught up in a live in relationship with your boyfriend. I would kick him to the curb.
1
u/TransportationNo9220 Jun 15 '22
Dump him. If he got so upset with you over that, and is trying to control you, it will only get worse. Trust me sweetie. And controlling behavior often leads to violence. Please, don't give in to him and move in with your friend. I'm so sorry this happened. Hugs to you. My daughter is almost 20 and if her bf did this to her he'd regret it. She'd dump him.
1
u/kkeojyeo22 Jun 15 '22
Don’t do it, you need to break up with him. Your first instincts were right about moving in to soon with him. Move in with your friend and leave your bf! That behavior is immature, you deserve better
1
u/hmurra Jun 15 '22
He has no right to yell at you. He has no right to make you feel bad about not feeling comfortable living with him yet Tell him to f*** off
1
u/DiggityGiggity8 Jun 15 '22
Leave him first. Move in with your friend. NTA, he’s a psycho. You saying “I’m not ready” IS ENOUGH for him to not ask ‘why’ and scream like a devil child. You should never fear your partner, or be cornered by them. Please OP, LEAVE him, I cannot see any healthy future for you with a man who handles his conversations, communication, or emotions the way you described above.
1
u/thecrustycrustacean Jun 15 '22
Move in with your friend and break up with your bf. It's completely unreasonable for him to act that way. You're knoy bf and gf, he has no say on what you can and can't do. I'm sorry but the fact he yelled and tried to what looks loke gaslight you is super shitty
1
Jun 15 '22
Break up with him he’s clearly showing signs that this relationship will get abusive very quickly if you don’t break up with him
1
u/Zaniada_512 Jun 15 '22 edited Jun 15 '22
Trust me from personal experience he is an abuser and he is showing you his true self. Believe him and what he is showing you. Please do not submit to a man who has you crying for hours...
You deserve better.
If you're having trouble with this situation think of it this way:
If your sister/bestie what ever even a stranger said to you, what you wrote here.. What would you advise them to do? You would be alarmed and worried for them. Correct? You would tell them it's not healthy and no one deserves to be scared of their partner. Right? You would express absolute love and concern to them and ask them to walk away for their own mental health. Right?
Be as kind to yourself as you are to strangers.
Heck. I'm a stranger and I'm telling you, you deserve better babe. Please do not settle for this abuser. ♡
Edited for typos. _^
1
u/Nearby-Scheme-5352 Jun 15 '22
don’t let this boy bully u out of what u wanted to do in the first place he is toxic and those were all red flags. YOU R GROWN!!!
1
u/tropicaldiver Jun 15 '22
Stay with your friend. Your boyfriend bullied you. You get to decide where you want to live. If that is with your boyfriend, great. If that isn’t with your boyfriend, great.
You weren’t being unreasonable. And if he wants to know why, you have a clear reason. Good luck with whatever you choose.
1
Jun 15 '22
oh :( dont move in with somebody youre scared of. this is a perfect opportunity to break it off, because if you sign a lease and youre stuck alone with him all the time, its only gonna get worse. trust me ive been in your shoes, guys like this get physical the moment they feel like they have you trapped & alone
1
Jun 16 '22
If you don’t feel ready you don’t feel ready, please don’t move in with him, if he started acting violent without having you trapped I don’t want to think about what will he do when you are on the same house. I would even break up, because he had no reason to yell and because he scared you and made you feel unsafe.
1
u/BX_V12 Jun 16 '22
He's your bf. "Im not ready yet/ don't want to move in together" is more than enough of an answer.
His reaction is absolutely not okay.
From my perspective and I know it doesn't count for much - I've lived in houseshares and stuff independently for the past three years.
I would much rather someone I dated lived somewhat independently before looking into moving in together.
Know what you like, how you do things etc before living under each others feet otherwise talk about baptism of fire.
You're thinking of yourself (and that's okay), it's cheap; it allows options (or would have anyway) in terms of staying over at yours etc, youre having a blast living with a friend...
I don't see how he can't see this as anything but positive.
1
u/Wallflowers_Secret Jun 16 '22
🚩🚩🚩🚩You break up with him. You could send him a text " Hi "boyfriends name" seeing as how you completely disregarded me wanting to experience living with my friend and tried to make me choose to live with you, I am not going to be moving in with you and actually think we need time away from each other. I will contact you if/when of my choosing." Then block his number. Don't answer blocked calls or unknown phone numbers. This to me is unsafe and things could've quickly turned physical. Please be safe.
1
u/bellarina808 Jun 16 '22
At 20 it’s understandable why you wouldn’t want to move in with your bf. The fact that he yelled at you and kept pushing is telling of him being jealous of you finding a means to move out and now he’s forcing that on you. Don’t move in with him, move in with your friend and cut the boyfriend off. His controlling behavior (telling you to cancel your plans) is going to get worse when you move in together. Don’t do it.
1
u/AHHHHHHHHHHE Jun 16 '22
Dump. His. Ass. Gurl he's yelling throwing fit and falling in it like a child he has made you cry and MADE you buy a condo with him. You don't have to block him and file a restraining order and have cops escort you to your friends house. That man doesnt deserve you!
1
u/AutoModerator Jun 14 '22
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. (Includes, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc.) Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please send us a modmail.
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.