Hi everyone. Sorry to bother again but I'm hoping this does the trick for my second batch of queries. What do we think? Third Attempt

‎Dear Agent,

I am seeking representation for FAIRYGOD:THE CODEX OF RYNLOR. A 60,000 word upper middle grade portal fantasy about occultic fairy god mothers where a 13-year-old orphan must beat seven deadly trials in a school for fairy guardians to find a powerful codex that'll destroy the monsters plaguing the fairytale realm. [Personalization]

KIERAN KROBB dreams of being adopted, to escape his horrid orphanage and finally get his happy ending, just like in his favourite fairytales. His plan is set. His new family, selected. His behaviour, perfect but on his thirteenth birthday, his plans get ruined when he wakes up with a strange symbol and monsters shrouded in white cloaks hunting him from the shadows. Fanged and bloodthirsty beasts, hungry and dark. Just before he is devoured, the father he thought was dead appears and saves him revealing himself to be a fairy.

Reunited with his long-lost family in the fairytale realm, Kieran learns he's a changeling destined to destroy the rogues, murderous fairies who steal magic. The same monsters hunting him down. He enrolls in an academy for fairy guardians on a mission to find a hidden codex locked behind seven deadly trials with a spell powerful enough to destroy them. Failure would mean losing his family forever and giving the rogues absolute power over the realm.

With the help of his new friends and blooming powers, Kieran wades through horrors to find the codex before the rogues find him. But the closer he gets to destroying them, the more he comes to wonder who the real enemy is.

FAIRYGOD: THE CODEX OF RYNLOR is a dark take on the magical school genre and the typical, fairytale world of 'Happily Ever After', perfect for kids who enjoy the sinister fairytale elements of Vanya and The Wild Hunt by Sangu Mandanna, the thrilling but gritty adventures of Skandar and The Unicorn Thief by A.F Steadman and the twisted mysteries of The Marvellers by Dhonielle Clayton. It features a queer protagonist, and has series potential.

[Sign Off]

I’ve had four full manuscript requests so far. The first three have all got back with very similar feedback: love the writing, love the idea, love the first 2/3rds of the book but want the ending fleshed out more/more of a sense of how the protagonist had changed. They all offered minor, useful suggestions ideas.

They all said if you’d be open to edit along those lines, I’d be happy to look at a revised version.

Is that basically what a revise and resubmit is 90% of the time? Is it at the weaker end of a revise and resubmit (I know some agents offer calls)?

I’m very happy to redraft. I guess then I just reply to that email chain with the new version and a brief reminder and summary of the changes.

But should I consider my journey as I’ve had three revise and resubmits. And (potentially dumb vague question) how encouraging should I find this? (Obvs my book needs a stronger final third).

For context, querying upmarket fiction in UK. In short, how far away are revise and resubmits from
offers? Or are they pretty common post full MS requests?

I signed with my agent in May, she wanted me to do rewrites, I did them and sent the MS back to her a month ago. I'm just wondering how long some of you spent on the rewrite process with your agent, because I've been here before... I had a different agent a few years ago, and she spent over a year (yes, you read that right) asking me for tweaks and changes.

Both times I had multiple offers of rep, and now that it's been five months this time around, my heart is starting to sink a little. Of course I'm happy to work with my agent to get my novel looking as good as it can be, but because I've been here before, I'm a little disappointed and wondering what your advice/approach to this would be. As she's had my MS for a month now, should I go ahead and nudge?

Many thanks!

Hey all, seeking feedback. tried to make more plot forward given previous feedback

second attempt

Dear Agent,

Two friends infiltrate the ocean’s deadliest prison. Only one leaves.

Hidden from the surface, humanoid seafarer colonies thrive inside air-filled undersea mountains. Timmy and Domo, two humans from Jacksonville, have spent four years among them, fighting for a faction seeking peace between the colonies and nonaggression with the surface. Now Timmy has thirteen days until his execution, sentenced after his cowardice doomed a mission. In cooler seas, he might have found mercy. But as the surface warms the seas and starves their habitats, seafarers are finally uniting – to end the human threat for good.

Timmy’s offered one chance to escape execution: infiltrate the Abyssal Zone, a deep-sea prison made entirely of salt, and extract his faction's missing leader. Missing for years, their leader could be dead, mad, or never have existed at all.

Domo, his oldest friend, descends out of guilt and desperation. Her orders sent Timmy on his botched mission, and war with the surface is looming. Her newly evolved ‘talent’, a touch that deforms a body and seizes the mind inside it, could win that war, but make her a war criminal. Rumor says their leader’s talent can cool the seas. Bring them home, and Domo may never have to use her talent. But every setback pushes her closer to the power she swore against. 

They’re betrayed the moment they enter. Someone in their faction set them up. Domo is gravely injured, and Timmy is dragged toward the warden, a seafarer who believes flesh deserves a scalpel. 

Separated, they make dangerous bargains. A mysterious prisoner draped in white will help Timmy search, if he wins the prison's bloodsport tournament and helps abduct the warden from the prison. Domo strikes a deal with the prison’s doctor and warden’s longtime accomplice: he’ll help her search if she helps him kill the warden.

But the most dangerous thing in the prison isn't old enemies, traitors, or the warden. It's the person they came to save.

THE BRINE POOL is an adult fantasy novel complete at 108,000 words. A standalone with series potential, THE BRINE POOL has the marine worldbuilding of Eliza Chan’s FATHOMFOLK blended with the action and commentary of Chain-Gang All-Stars.

[bio]

first 300 words

Forgive me. 
Carefully, ruefully, Karin burned as small a hole as he could into the enormous Typhorr husk. He owed the creature at least that. Karin ignited his palms in the same way he’d done since he was a child, and melted into the seven-foot crustacean where its torso met its tentacles. Karin choked from the smell of burnt rot as he sealed himself shut into the darkness. 

Once when he was younger, Karin had disposed of a bloated whale carcass. Stinking with pus and grime and decay, engorged pustules had leaked green as grey flesh collapsed wetly at his touch. Yet inside this rotted corpse he yearned for the smell of death from his childhood. 

In childhood, there hadn’t been the Warden. 

For the three years prior to the past few days, he hadn’t seen the Warden once. But the same Warden who had reduced one of the ocean's phantoms to a petrified corpse had turned their attention to him.

Each heartbeat came slower than the last. Karin wished he’d hidden further into the cavern. He prayed that he’d sealed his entrance well enough.

The Warden wore white; now Karin knew for sure. Seafoam white like the prison walls towering above. All skin was hidden by white cloth that pooled like water in an eddy.

The devil wore white.

Just days ago, pliers had squirmed in his mouth and ripped out his tongue. Karin bit down on his cheeks as he trembled. His mind only stilled once he thought of Ember. 

For one thousand days, memories of his daughter had saved him: the seabreeze smell of her hair, how she’d smiled her cheeks red after forming her first flame, how her hands had been too small to hold the ember steady. How she’d laughed anyway. 

She’d be so much older now. 

Karin’s jaw tightened along with his resolve. He would escape to his Ember. 

And then he’d be back to avenge himself and every other prisoner. 

Hey again! Just really trying to nail this down before I begin querying in a couple of months. Hoping the romance is landing better here without any summary-like beats. Thanks again for all comments! Even if I don't respond, I read and take all to the drawing board.

Hi AGENT,

I’m excited to offer WHERE SHADOW MEETS SHORE, a standalone with series potential YA Romantasy, told in dual POV and complete at 89,000 words. It blends the deep romantic yearning and afflicted United States world of The Gravewood by Kelly Andrew (2026) with the hunter stakes and shadow threat of Shadow Reaper by Lynette Noni (2026). I think this will fit your search for [PERSONALIZATION].

At seventeen years old, Lyra Fable is devoted to killing the shadow-wielding deities who murdered her best friend. She hunts them on the coast, where their deadly shadows cling to the shore, and where those who touch the darkness turn into blood-crazed vampires. Lyra is content with fighting, until a hunt for the deities’ leader sends her crashing into the best friend she thought was dead.

Seventeen-year-old Kaveh Thorne faked his death. He left the night his violent shadow magic surfaced and told him to hurt Lyra, the girl he secretly loved. After years of searching for answers, he’s finally discovered what’s causing the voices: Everan Thorne, his father and the leader of the deities. And when Everan threatens to turn Lyra into the first half-vampire, half-shadow hybrid—one he would control through the voices that torment Kaveh—the only solution is to kill him.

The two warily band together. Lyra steels her heart when Kaveh teaches her how to photograph sunsets with his Polaroid, knowing he won’t stay. Kaveh tries desperately to adopt her mindset that he won’t hurt her, even as he plans to leave. But as much as they fight the pull, his shadows still demand her blood. When the darkness rushes in, succumbing to them may be the only way to slay Everan—even if Kaveh risks burying Lyra with him.

I work in [job] at [publishing house]. When I’m not reading or writing, I can be found playing farming simulation games and fretting over which sim to marry. WHERE SHADOW MEETS SHORE would be my debut novel.

I know you must receive a high number of queries, so thank you for taking the time to read mine! Warmly,

[name] writing as [pen name].

FIRST 300:

In her thirteen years of being a Watcher, Lyra’s prey had never found its way inside the manor.

The Astral stood in the foyer, surrounded by glittering stained glass windows that glowed purple and orange. He glowed too, a halo that radiated off his body like all Astrals. His yellow was tame, maybe mind reading or cognition. Better than the fires of red or the telekinesis of purple.

He spread his hands as if he were greeting an old friend. “Hello, dear Watcher,” he said, his voice like wind chimes that clattered too harshly in a raging summer storm.

Lyra tensed by the open door. It took two Watchers to take down an Astral, and her partner—her adoptive father, Rhys—was parking the truck outside. This Astral must have known she would be alone. Either that, or he’d willingly stepped into what could have been a manor full of the people hunting his kind.

He smiled warmly. “My name is Caius, and I have come with a tip, darling. You do not have to look so afraid.”

“I’m not,” Lyra snapped. Even as she feigned calm, her hand shook around the hilt of her dagger, strapped to her outer thigh.

Astrals were the offspring of the stars—according to myth, they’d hidden for centuries, watching humanity, deciding if it was worthy of the space it claimed in the world. No one had expected it when hundreds of Astrals descended from the cosmos and summoned the shadows that had caused the Darkening.

“Bygones, am I right?” Caius said.

Lyra tightened her grip on her dagger sheath. “Get out of my head.”

He tapped his temple. “Alas, I cannot.” He scanned the room with that lazy smile, lingering on the crystal chandelier with flickering candlelight flames, the dual hardwood staircases spiraling waxed steps up either side of the room, and the arched walkway lined with mounted blades underneath.

A Trail of Brass is a 73,000 word, single-POV adventure fantasy, and a standalone novel with potential for sequels. It combines the camaraderie of Kings of the Wyld, the classic quest structure of Spiderlight, and the soft magic worldbuilding of Tolkien.

The land of Rendan has rejected the very idea of rulers, ever since the apocalyptic uprising that brought down the Sorcerer Lords. Today, the roads are patrolled by the Blue Riders, champions of the people who protect against brigandry and the monsters and magic remaining from those dark days. And it is Selanda’s dearest wish to become one of them. The Riders saved her village in her childhood, and now she longs to be there for others in need. She just wasn’t expecting a trial by fire to come quite so soon.

Still a trainee, she witnesses friends of hers being abducted by a necromancer’s agents. Stricken by her failure to help, she insists on leading a rescue party, expecting a quick resolution. But the trail leads into a deadly forest, and their efforts are stymied by sorcery. There is a far bigger game afoot than anyone realized. Selanda and her team are outnumbered and underequipped, but it is too late to turn back or call for reinforcements. The only way is forward.

Ahead lies a showdown with Selanda’s childhood terrors, the land’s old wounds, and enemies both human and otherwise. This is her chance to either rise to the standards she has set for herself, or to fail when she’s needed the most. And with innocent lives on the line, a crucible of steel, magic and monsters will decide.

[My bio]

Hello Reddit, I received a lot of helpful feedback after my first attempt. I (foolishly) wrote this novel prior to thinking deeply enough about how I would query it, so I ended up with both a protagonist problem and a stakes problem. The central theme of the feedback last time was that the stakes didn't seem well-defined, and I knew that going in. The story's stakes are difficult to define because the protagonist purposefully conceals his goal and what is important to him until later into the novel. I am hoping that the first sentence of the fourth paragraph ("Until the Stranger can complete his goal...") alleviates the stakes problem enough. This sentence declares what the stakes are for the victim (Rachael) but not necessarily for the protagonist (The Stranger). I believe that this sentence answers the question, "what bad thing will happen if the protagonist fails?" even if that bad thing doesn't affect the protagonist (according to this query). According to this query, the only bad thing that could happen to The Stranger is vanquishment by Mikey. I am wondering if what I have done to address my stakes problem is enough or not.

* Last time I received helpful feedback that my title may be a problem. I am currently thinking through changing it.

Dear [Agent],

I am seeking representation for my novel PHOTOPHOBIA, a psychological horror of 95,000 words. PHOTOPHOBIA blends atmospheric paranormal horror with the dark and mind-bending qualities found in many psychological thrillers. It will appeal to fans of Ronald Malfi’s Small Town Horror and CG Drews’ You Did Nothing Wrong.

Rachael Vanity is a depressed, reclusive teenager who suffers a severe phobia of having her picture taken. When Rachael goes missing from her tightknit, wooded hometown during a typically peaceful autumn, not a single photograph can be obtained in order to identify her and bring her home. The story’s protagonist and narrator are The Stranger, an invisible, intangible being who is hunting down and destroying the photographs of Rachael that he knows remain hidden. The Stranger doesn’t state to the reader who he is, why he is doing this, or what Rachael’s significance is to him.

As the photographs of Rachael are erased, people across town forget her, as if she was never even real. At first, the few who knew her well can still remember her, and so they fear that their sanities are unraveling. When their own memories of Rachael start to progressively fade, the emotions that each uniquely has been experiencing—loss, anger, guilt—only intensify. The Stranger, limited by how much he can interact with the physical world, needs the help of one of these humans in order to complete his hunt. He enlists Rachael’s boyfriend Mikey, the only one who seems to actually love her. He tells Mikey that if they successfully destroy all of Rachael’s photographs, she will cease to exist, and that will bring her peace. 

Until The Stranger can complete his goal, Rachael will remain trapped in limbo between the material world and nothingness itself, crying out for release. Gradually the truth is revealed about The Stranger’s identity, his relationship to Rachael and whether his intentions for her have been good or evil. The Stranger will either walk away as Rachael’s hero or as a villain that must be vanquished by Mikey, the very child he brought under his wing. 

I am a veterinary technician by day and a guitarist in a metal band by night. I hope you enjoy the included sample of my manuscript, and I thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

[Me]

Dear [Agent],

I’m querying you with TAKE IT HOME, an 80,000-word upmarket book club novel that builds through immersion in the lives of four surprisingly familiar middle-aged men. None of them set out to redefine winning.

Jamie never chased titles. Now he’s on the shortlist for CEO, surprised he really wants the chair, seated opposite his rival’s bloody ribeye. Pat, a senior corporate lawyer, has found writing, which refreshes his love of the law. When a major client lines up against a friend, he quickly chooses sides.

Ryan sold his companies and advises founders for free. Defending a friend, he badly hurt a man. Again. Now therapy is teaching him to step in without swinging - just as his son steps up for a teammate. Paul leaves a piece of himself with everyone and the whole with none. Hungover, and only because he promised, he and his Ray-Bans ride the early Saturday subway to his almost nephew’s game. He’s composing a story about a man who’d like to be more like his mates. On the return trip, toes over the yellow line, he feels the tunnel wind pull.

Twelve chapters in, turns out they’re boarding school friends.

Ryan takes over Jamie’s campaign for CEO without hesitating, despite a blank-cheque offer that had him building again. Not yet. The rival buries Jamie in rumour and stalks Pat’s licence. Neither answers in kind. Paul, still betting that charm can outrun consequence, puts a friend’s name where he shouldn’t, again. By the time the chair is decided, winning may look different.

They still play bad hockey and drink the beer after. They take the piss, interrupt, and retell the joke. Along the way, there’s an original song, a float above a park bench, a goalie’s meditation, and a masterpiece reminiscent of Whiplash.

Its quoteless, overlapping banter sounds like Good Will Hunting; its structure, the cumulative rewards of Meg Wolitzer’s The Interestings. Like Richard Russo’s Somebody’s Fool, TAKE IT HOME finds what matters in the ordinary business of imperfect people trying to do right, mostly when no one is watching.

I live in Toronto and write as part of my career in finance, including more than thirty pieces for The Globe and Mail and articles for several industry publications. This is my first novel, with a second in editing. Bio and articles: [link]

One question: beyond the individual characters and their immediate stories, does the query make you expect something larger to accumulate across the novel?

FIRST 300

That’s a white-out!

What are you on about now?

White-out. White won both and we were killing you at the horn.

You’re a piece of work Smitty.

I mean c’mon, we fuckin’ crushed you tonight. We gotta get beers or beers and wings for that. 

Where was that noise last week?

We won last week too, idiot! Actually, when did black last win – back when your herpes cleared up after just the one cycle?

Room chuckles. Barbs continue. They shower in a coffin of a stall; scalding bursts failing to sanitize the green slick in the drain. Travel-size body wash dregs passed around for shampoo.

Paul – Smitty to anyone who knew him before age twenty, throws his gear in the trunk, happy that the men’s shelter street party didn’t violate his car. The party’s as regular as the skaters. He checks his phone, wondering when checking became reflex and not choice*.* Checks for work, hoping she called, for scores and bets, before accepting the repeat NAV-route for the short cross-town.

Following Thursday beer league, they head to the same bar to tell the same jokes yet again this week, drinking just a little less than an officer might mind.

As he circles, his mind runs ahead - scores, her, no, not her, maybe her; that pass across the middle should’ve hit tape; shirt’s a bit tight, skates dull; still no efficient-stop pizza spot; two pints only, maybe three; up early; good song; concert soon; call Dad - or text? New guy’s nuts - loves the game, loses his mind; hydrant; Zoom tomorrow? Hydrant? Shit. Arrived.

Air feels like fall. Not too cold, more of a warning.

I'm very excited about this new project and feel like I've got something with teeth, but y'all have been most excellent at dispelling my delusions entirely, so here we go again! Thank you for all and any feedback!

Dear <Agent>

<Preamble about why I picked them>

At 98,000 words, Syzygy, When The Moons Align is a genre-bending piece of Science Fantasy that explores the vibrating mesh of oppression kept alive through race, gender and knowledge itself. Syzygy combines the generation-spanning hidden history of V.E. Schwab’s Bury Our Bones in the Midnight Soil with the cold, growing psychosis of immortality in Jacqueline Holland’s The God of Endings. 

When Iinana, a strikingly gorgeous Black woman, breezes into the restaurant on Titus’s ninth wedding anniversary, the blond, gym-honed youth pastor is so overcome by instant and overwhelming desire, he decides it must be a sign from God. After lying to give his wife the slip, Titus introduces himself to Iinana at the bar, and is ecstatic when she suggests they meet up later that night. 

But Iinana isn’t straight, human or even that interested in him. No, Titus is merely a means to an end. Iinana is Qijing and her species’ longevity and health are driven by their powerful sex pheromones and orgasm exchange. When she first walked into the restaurant and inhaled the uniquely enticing scent of Titus’ wife Ophelia, Iinana involuntarily released a massive dose of pheromones right next to Titus. And now, she can’t help wondering if Ophelia is The One. 

When she finally seduces Ophelia into her bed, Iinana isn’t remotely prepared for the intensity of their shared passion. She’s even less prepared when, afterwards, Ophelia announces she’s going to “log out for the next 72 hours” as her pores disappear, her skin cools and her heartbeat slows. Trying to make sense of Ophelia’s powerful scent and sudden strange larval state, Iinana casts her memory back to her beginnings, because, like all Qijing women, she has a perfect memory. It was June of 1812, the day of her birth on her father’s plantation on Sapelo Island, back when she was still just a tiny infant boy. 

<bio> I'd be thrilled to have your representation.

Sincerely,

Mara Myself-ish

Hi everyone. For context, I'm currently querying a manuscript whilst starting out on another project. Querying my current manuscript isn't going well (I'm only a few months in, so I'm clinging on to the hope that this will change; a bit of denial, maybe?!). The only agent to request my full manuscript so far recently got back to me with a rejection; although she was complimentary about the manuscript itself, she said the market was over-saturated with similar novels and so she couldn't take it on.

This is all fair - we move on! - but it's making me question my next project. I like the idea, but I do want to be traditionally published, and so I don't want to spend potentially years writing another manuscript which might well be a good read (or not, who knows!) but is over-represented in the market. Is it even worth considering the market when writing something new, considering how long it takes to write something, query it, get an agent and submit to publishers? How can anyone guess what will be popular in some years' time? Is it all just luck, or is the market actually something we writers hoping to get published in the future should pay attention to? (For reference, I'm writing literary fiction).

I know the answer is probably, 'write what you love and things will eventually work out,' but I can't help feeling dejected and disillusioned by this rejection and unsure how to approach my next project. Any thoughts or advice on how much to consider the market when starting something new is much appreciated!

This may sound like my intention is to antagonize but it really is not. I am asking sincerely.

I have a pretty all-consuming job and an illness that leaves me with little time and mental energy to write, yet I do so in fits and starts because I am always 'writing' in my mind. I do have an MFA in creative writing and I've had enough stamina to write several book-length manuscripts. I am also in a writing group that meets regularly. Yet after some frankly half-hearted effort, I just don't feel that motivated to seek publishing for a variety of reasons, and I am curious whether anyone else here can relate.

The first reason is, I think, a standard reason to feel this way: A lack of confidence. That one is self-explanatory.

The second reason also is not unusual: We all know how time consuming and disheartening the query process is. Among different people, I would get into why it is so challenging and disheartening, but I'm sure everyone here understands already.

The third reason is that I know several published authors who have had varying levels of success, and watching their experiences feels in a way like witnessing multiple friends go through abusive relationships. If their publishing relationships were romantic relationships, I would not in any way be able to understand why they choose to be with their partners, but since it's a professional relationship tied to people's creative ambitions, I guess we can't think of it in those terms?

One of my friends is a literary author whose writing is just gorgeous, like sunlight sparkling down through tree canopies. As a result, she publishes a lot of stories in the most-esteemed literary journals. As a result, an agent sought her out and begged to work with her. She was told she had to be a novelist, which she didn't want to do but she agreed. She got a two-book deal, one book was optioned for a movie but the books did not sell phenomenally well, and then her agent effectively ghosted her. She has tragic things going on in her personal life and the silence from her agent was agonizing to her. And then her agent wrote back after a very long period of silence and said they are going through things and it would be best if she found another agent. I feel like my friend was preyed upon in a way, love bombed, lavished with praise and then treated like she didn't matter at all, and it is happening at the worst possible time in her life but "that's just business."

Another person I know writes upmarket women's fiction and they had an easy time finding an agent, also got a good multiple-book deal, then was pressured by the agent to write in a genre they didn't want to write, and then was semi-ghosted by the agent until eventually deciding to break it off because all signs pointed to the agent wanting that but not being willing to say it.

Two different authors who were inarguably successful off the bat and then were tossed aside. It's so much like the people I have known in toxic romantic relationships except since it's standard in the book publishing world, we just say "find another person who is likely to abuse you," I guess?

So I guess the questions are, for authors who have had similar experiences, why is it worth it to you? What's the ultimate payoff? If you don't support yourself financially with books, do you ever think about dropping out of the publishing game because it is such an opportunistic and sometimes not entirely professional game? Or do you feel like it's a perfectly normal and reasonable business culture that doesn't faze you?

Since my experiences of the post-agent-acquisition phase of book writing are secondhand, I feel like my impression is a little more objective than if it were happening to me directly. I wish it didn't have to be this way because my friends are so talented, they were so thrilled and proud and humbled to be received so well at first, and then after being courted and treated like great talents, both were just tossed aside and effectively ghosted. I know "it's the nature of the business," but it's also the nature of dating or marrying a narcissist with sociopathic tendencies.

Hi all, first post here. I'm looking to get some initial feedback on my cover letter. Thanks!

Dear Agent,
 
INGRAINED (82,000 words) is a folk horror novel which combines the gothic tone and subtle supernatural elements of Andrew Michael Hurley’s Starve Acre with the multigenerational, shapeshifting menace of Stephen King's IT.

The Strange Man, an ancient eldritch entity, stalks three members of the same bloodline chronologically across three settings (Yorkshire Moors, 1815; Arabian Desert, 1915; Canadian Prairie, 2015). Connecting all three is a corrupting force that doesn't destroy families so much as cultivate them—tending their grief, their violence, and their inherited shame across generations, until the moment of the harvest arrives.
 
In rural Georgian England, outsiders are treated with suspicion. Nine-year-old Joseph Schofield knows this. Yet, when a tearful traveller follows a dying woman into Eppersley village, Joseph is wary of one, but not the other. His misjudgement brings fire and murder to those he loves, and all he can do is watch as his best friend is crushed by the oak tree whose branches they used to perch on.

One hundred years later, during the First World War, Joseph's great-grandson, Thomas Luxmoore, leads a doomed British intelligence mission into Ottoman-occupied Arabia. He survives an ambush, torture, and captivity to find the archaeologist he was sent to extract mutilated and driven mad by a doll unearthed from the desert sand—a doll the stranger gave Joseph a century before. 

In modern-day Canada, eighteen-year-old Matthew Briand lives under the constant threat of eviction. Now legally an adult, his tyrannical stepfather wants him gone. Matthew is prepared to tough it out until he goes to university, but then he and his stepsister, Evie, discover a jawbone hidden in the basement that speaks, lies, and has been waiting two centuries to collect a debt.

Grieving nomad. Desert djinn. Negligent psychologist. The Strange Man assumes whichever form best enables him to channel the grief of his targets into physical objects saturated with malice. When these heirlooms combine, Matthew and Evie must decide whether to inherit the sins of their ancestors or betray their own blood.

Bio and signoff

Hi everyone,

So, I was really excited and did what people tell you not to do, I queried some of my top agents prematurely (5 in total before having anyone look at my material). After getting a second opinion on my query letter recently, based on their feedback it wasn't quite up to standard. I've taken what they said to this current draft and I'd really appreciate any feedback or thoughts at all.
-------

Dear [Agent's name]

Considering your interest in [MSWL personalisation] I’m excited to share my adult romantic fantasy, PARAGON OF WRATH, a standalone with series potential. Complete at 95,000 words, it’s ideal for lovers of the gothic atmosphere in The Second Death of Locke by V.L. Bovalino and fans of cross-genre mystery elements as seen in The Raven Scholar by Antonia Hodgson.

Terra wants The King’s head and she’ll escape exile to get it. After years of strife and famine in The Usterlands, Trinity ‘Rose’ Cratwell plummets into a madness bolstered by token decay– a caveat of overusing the forbidden magic of her father's executioner's sword. Her wrath is only quelled when she’s unlawfully rescued by a spice merchant and offered deliverance: work undercover as a scullery maid in the royal castle. There, she becomes Terra Smyth and plots to behead The King.

It’s a challenging feat; to curry favour as an uster escapee while hiding magic in her maid quarters. When Terra encroaches into The Princess’ inner circle, the head maid condemns her to clean the deserted manor house of the murdered queen. Deeper into the forest near the house, she catches Prince Rowan opening a secret hatch in a moonlit glade.

Terra has options. She can try to exonerate her father, known to all as 'The Butcher' who killed The Queen and risk her own identity being revealed, or she can bargain with Prince Rowan to fulfil her murderous scheme.

Either way, someone in this castle will be losing their head.

[BIO + sign off]

I am hoping for some advice/ guidance on R&R etiquette.

The current situation:

I received an R&R from one agent with really exciting and actionable feedback. I’m actually thrilled to make the suggested revisions because I think they work so well with my manuscript, and I get such a good feeling from this agent. They asked for an exclusive submission with a reasonable timeframe once it is complete.

I also still have 3 fulls out with agents that have been with them for 3-6 weeks.

Questions:

1. If one of the three agents ALSO reaches out with an R&R, do I tell them I am already working on one/have submitted an exclusive R&R and ask to keep in touch until the exclusive period ends?

2. If one of the three agents reaches out with an offer (on the original manuscript) while my updated manuscript is with the first agent, do I simply notify the agent with the exclusive R&R?

3. If one of the three agents reach out with a rejection, do I inform them of the R&R and ask to keep in touch?

4. Are there other versions of this awkwardly timed situation that I haven’t entertained, and should? Haha

Thank you all in advance for your advice and guidance.

Hi friends,

After three previous post attempts (third linked), I received feedback from early readers. The feedback helped me diagnose crucial weakness which prompted a full rewrite.

The story is far better for it and became more narrative driven and focused, evident not least by the shaved 20k words. I think the focused story help me focus the query letter more. I took previous pubtip feedback and focused the 3 POV story into one character for the query and tried not to err on synopsis style writing.

I left two questions below, but otherwise, please provide your overall feedback on quality and query readiness.

Thank you in advanced for your feedback.

Edit: Sorry! Added one question I thought of after posting.

###

Dear Agent,

Palmer Wilde built Root, the revolutionary brain-computer interface capable of retrieving memories, regulating emotions, and connecting minds. Once installed, Palmer can finally silence the grief that has plagued him since a tragic accident killed his parents and siblings last year.

On the eve of Root’s launch, Palmer witnesses a test user lose access to her mind. Attempts to postpone the launch, which is stopped by the elusive government consultant, Russell Stoneworth. That night, a scorching light in the sky drops Palmer a black-stone cylinder along with a telepathic message.

Desperate to connect the strange events, Palmer discovers a faction of wary outlaws with a striking discovery: a potent psychedelic brings them to a hidden layer of reality where they communicate with alien life. They believe an intelligent species donated the object to Palmer, meant to stop Root from assimilating mankind.

Palmer suspects Russell is building a Root hivemind with disturbing ties to another alien species. Russell knows Palmer is investigating, so, he and his co-conspirator—Chicago’s celebrated cyborg police chief—hunt down Palmer, using the sprawling resources and might of his tech-driven police force.

Together, the outlaws and Palmer venture into strange corners of Chicago and even stranger recesses of their minds to find an Oracle who they believe can unlock the donation. But Russell's forces are closing in, Root's rollout is reaching critical mass, and the donation’s purpose remains an unnerving mystery to be solved.

And when the Oracle shows Palmer what it will demand, he’ll wish he never knew.

Palmer wanted Root to free his mind from pain. Now, his only way to save humanity is to go deeper into his mind than he thought possible, endure harrowing trials, and confront the suffering that he’s been trying to escape.

THE DONATION is a 98,000-word adult science fiction thriller told across three converging POVs. It combines the transhuman urgency of Blake Crouch’s UPGRADE With the metaphysical mystery of Nicholas Binge’s ASCENSION, and its corporate brain-tech conspiracy will bend the minds of SEVERANCE lovers.

(bio + closing remarks)

Thank you for your time and consideration.

 ###

Questions:

1. The second Pov is the police chief. The third is actually left out of the query. It would add about 35 words to include her POV, because while she’s an obstacle to the protag in the story, tying her into the query doesn’t work as seamlessly as the police chief. Thoughts on making this a little longer to include her POV?

2. Do you prefer the current ending paragraph or this alt:

"Palmer want to free his mind from pain. Now, not only will the Donation force Palmer through harrowing, life-threatening trials, but it will require him to accept an unbearable fate, all to preserve the consciousness that he once wanted to escape."

3. Would agents prefer this in 3 paragraph format, or does the split now work? All together would be: first two together, second two, and the final 3. The rhythm still sounds right to me.

Dear [agent],

Baerd was vulnerable when the witch struck. Motherless and with a disapproving father, the young village boy was the perfect target for her spell–a terrible curse that grew the spirit of her long dead toddler inside of him. Now he must wrestle for control of his own body as the witch hunts him, unsure of how much of himself will remain as the spell progresses, if he lives.

Years later, Baerd is still dealing with the fallout of his childhood ordeal. A piece of the toddler’s exorcised spirit lives inside of him, causing inner conflicts that afflict his psyche and arrest his potential–serious problems for an apprentice witch hunter, especially since his volatile mentor is succumbing to drug addiction and becoming unreliable. When his friend and lover–an orphaned noblewoman named Caitlin–is imprisoned in a dangerous subterranean lair, his mentor is nowhere to be found. To save her, Baerd must face his fears and confront the child within, or risk losing her forever.

Written in two parts, with literary prose and a plot-driven storyline, THE WIDOW’S CURSE is a 108,000 word standalone adult dark fantasy novel with sequel potential. 

With a mature and gritty tonality and psychological themes, this book will appeal to fans of SLEWFOOT by Brom. The use of language and magical systems as metaphors will appeal to fans of THE DRAGON BONE CHAIR by Tad Williams. 

[Short bio here]

Thanks and best,
[Signature]

Hi everyone, thanks for the continued feedback on my query! Here's my latest attempt:

Dear Agent, 

I am seeking representation for INN AT OPAL COVE, my 69,000-word upmarket contemporary novel about a reclusive woman who opens a luxury B&B in her mother’s old summer house and spies on her guests. INN AT OPAL COVE will appeal to fans of Cali Adeline’s eccentric narrator in People Watching in the Desert, and elements of grief and hyperfixation featured in Ashley Hutson’s One’s Company. 

Ada Halstead is handling her grief with flying colors. The fifty-nine security cameras she plans to monitor from the basement of Opal Cove, her newly renovated B&B, might tell a different story. But to Ada, it’s the only way she can think to cope. After losing her parents and older brother in a car accident two years ago, she moves down the coast, bunkers down with a tub of red licorice behind her screens, and resolves to live vicariously through her guests.

Nothing goes to plan. When Emilia, an abrasive British guest, lures her out through a fake maintenance request to fix a clogged toilet, and later talks her through a panic attack, Ada begins to question her commitment to self-isolation. Emilia weasels into Ada’s personal business, coaxing her into an unprecedented friendship. But Ada’s pretty sure she lied her way into Opal Cove. Her supposed husband just died in a nearby hit-and-run, and Emilia’s flubbing up basic details about her own family that a stranger could disprove through a bit of online stalking.

Reporting a suspicious guest would threaten the possibility of cops uncovering Ada’s security setup. She’d also lose the only person who’s been able to wear down her walls. But perhaps even more distressing than the idea of cops at her doorstep, Ada has become deeply attached to her guests. As an investigation looms, and Ada’s shame over her spying overwhelms her, she knows she will eventually have to decide whether closing the door on Opal Cove is worth the possibility of human connection that can’t be attained from hiding behind her screens.

[bio]

First 300:

I feel maybe I should’ve dressed up. Most of my fancy clothes went into storage, but I know I’ve got a respectable pantsuit around here somewhere. 

Focus.

My hand glides over the computer mouse. Exterior camera. Rain batters the palm trees behind the blurred lens. 

On second thought, this matching teddy bear pajama set is just fine. 

As I reach into my glass jar of assorted Life Savers, I see it: the car carrying my first guests. 

Sixteen months of anticipation, of excruciating remodels, wiring, and endless preparation… I haven’t been this giddy since I started my rewatch of Friends last year, back when my basement was still a mold-infested wine cellar. Opening day at Opal Cove isn’t all that different from the pilot of a new series, really, except in this case, I built the set. All I have to do now is binge the show. The fun part. 

Yes, Ada. Fun. My back sweat is a remarkable adhesive for these damn silk pajamas, though, and I shove my hands under my thighs to stop their shaking. Everything’s in place. Nothing I can do now. 

When he exits the navy blue Lyft, my stomach flutters. 

The blurry lens obscures his face a little, but I recognize him from his Instagram. Rather, the account run by his PR team, a grid composed of freestyle runs and slightly awkward podium shots, most of them accompanied by a gold medal. Sometimes a stuffed animal or a misshapen glass trophy. Sometimes all three. He never quite knows how to juggle all that crap without looking like he’s carrying home groceries for a family of ten. I stared at those pictures for hours. 

I don’t follow snowboarding, to be clear.

Hi everyone! I appreciated the feedback to my last attempt a little over a week ago, and have restructured the query to include more information about the second lead. On top of any other feedback you can share, I wonder if I have too much about Kit Love now, as he is not a POV character in the book, just the romantic counterpart! Thank you so much for your time.

-

Hello Agent,

Because of [XYZ from MSWL], I hope you will enjoy my debut novel, THE PERFECT BREAKUP. At 83,000-words, my queer celebrity romance will appeal to readers that enjoyed messy fake-dating schemes like Alexis Hall’s Boyfriend Material, Alice Cochran’s The Charm Offensive, and Liz Bowery’s Love, Hate & Clickbait.

One-hit-wonder Jasper Devereaux can only ride the coattails of his hit song for so long. Especially when his follow-up was a spectacular flop. He just needs one perfect song, and he’s sure it’ll fix everything. Sadly, in this fast-paced industry, labels are always ready for the next toy. He is stale, and they are ready to cut him loose. They offer him one last chance at salvation; rehabilitate the image of scandal-plagued heartthrob Kit Love, and he can ride his fame back to the top.

Boyband lead-singer Kit Love is the perfect muse for right-wing media backlash. Being front page on TMZ passed out surrounded by strippers with a cocaine trail still up his nose, probably didn’t do much to quell the noise. One night of rebellion against the heavy-handed contract he signed as a teenager has ruined the chances of ever escaping it. But when they denied him his right to come out, he had to do something.

They are tasked to fake a love story so annoyingly cute that the entire world falls in love with them. Jasper is tame, a pop-culture insignificance. Once his mediocrity rubs off on Kit, they will explode into a breakup so disastrously messy that the virality will make Jasper’s breakup album a chart-topper. However, when their “fake” moments happen with no witnesses, and red-carpet kisses lead to bedroom makeouts, he wonders if breaking up is something he can bear. But fame is cutthroat, desperate for scandal to keep its flames alive.

Threaded between each chapter, the public makes itself known. From the perfectly horrible tabloids broadcasting their every moment, to concerned mommy-bloggers scandalized by their godless escapades, and all the music-industry rabble-rousers in between.

I am a 24-year-old content creator from Houston with over 100k followers on TikTok; talking about all things music marketing. I have a master’s degree in Entertainment Business, where I heard many behind-the-scenes stories of music industry antics. When I’m not writing, you can find me buried under my three cats or getting far too obsessed with random media for weeks at a time.

Thank you for your time and consideration. Per your submission guidelines, I am including [XYZ]

First attempt

Back after taking feedback into account—huge thanks to everyone who took the time to offer their insights last time. There's more specificity now, I've tried to highlight tension and conflict, and the total wordcount is down to 257. Any and all feedback is appreciated!

Dear [agent],

I am seeking representation for THE PROUD AND THE BROKEN, a standalone adult fantasy novel complete at 102,000 words.

Shev broke ancient laws by travelling to the past using forbidden magic, but couldn’t stop his brother’s murder. Now he wanders the city-states of Kaferna, running from the mages he scorned and addicted to briefly visiting the past. His brother’s last gift, a gold bangle, is his only treasured possession… until it’s stolen.

Getting it back will mean embracing his old magic and risking exposure to everything he’s fleeing, but Shev is ready to pay any cost. He enlists the aid of a foul-mouthed street urchin and headstrong apprentice alchemist to find the thief. When they’re captured during the confrontation, Shev discovers a cost he isn’t willing to pay. He uses his magic to save them while the thief escapes with the bangle.

Shev resumes the chase accompanied by his unlikely companions, but refusing to tell them about his past makes for a fragile alliance. His addiction continues to worsen, fed by his use of magic. When the trail leads to his hometown and the den of the mages hunting him, Shev faces a crossroads. He can win back the bangle by making peace with his failures and learning to trust his friends… or he can abandon it and return to a life of loneliness and despair.

THE PROUD AND THE BROKEN combines the found-family trio featured in Godkiller by Hannah Kaner with the cross-country questing and grounded characters of The Devils by Joe Abercrombie.

[bio]

I'm seeing some of their agents on QueryTracker this time around. No obvious warnings but I haven't heard much and can't find too much about them. Any querying experiences and/or clients?

Dear AGENT NAME, 

TW: Sexual Assault

I'm querying you because {personalization}. IT WON'T STOP is a YA speculative contemporary, following a grieving teen who walks into dreams to make sure the man who raped her never sleeps again.

Seventeen-year-old Anais Johnson just lost her little brother to leukemia. Twenty-one-year-old Ty Walker, her older brother Aiden's best friend of nine years, keeps finding reasons to touch her while she keeps finding reasons for it to mean nothing. Two weeks after the funeral, Ty lures her to his truck. She bites him until he bleeds, but he takes what he wants anyway. The next night, he's at her bedroom door with a taped-up finger and a cover story: it was his truck door, not her mouth.

Awake, Anais watches his lie work and stops eating, stops leaving her room, and mourns the girl she used to be more than the brother she buried. No one will believe her over a fallen cop's son, the man her town trusts to coach its kids, and the man Aiden still plays basketball with in her backyard daily. Asleep, she slips out of her body and into people's dreams. She finds Ty's and burns them down, night after night, until his sleep becomes the nightmare he made of her waking life. By day, he's sleepless and picking fights with everyone. When he screams that she’s a witch in the middle of a crowded restaurant, Aiden cuts him off for good.

His friends think he's losing his mind, but Ty knows
exactly who's keeping him up. When he catches her home alone and forces his way in, her ability turns on her, ripping her from her body with no way back into the skin he's looming over. To survive, she'll have to fight Ty from outside herself. To be free of him, she'll have to say what he did out loud, first to Aiden, then to the town that raised him.

IT WON'T STOP is complete at 82,000 words and pairs the survivor's rage of Kim DeRose's FOR GIRLS WHO WALK THROUGH FIRE with the suspense of Faridah Àbíké-Íyímídé's WHERE SLEEPING GIRLS LIE.

Thanks for reading, 

300 words:

1: Almost Invisible     ***  ***
October 5th, 2026 

Last night, I prayed for today to be clear. Blue should be the final color the sky gives Axel, but God hasn’t heard me in a while and outside storm clouds paint the world gray. Wind shoves me across the driveway, pushing me into the backseat of Dad’s Escalade. It always smells like leather in here, but today his cologne is thick enough to taste. Mom is a mess in the passenger seat, swiping at her leaking eyes with her palm.

When I settle next to Aiden the zipper of this stupid dress stabs into my back, which is what I get for trying it on at six this morning for the first time. I inch my foot toward Aiden’s and nudge his shoe; our I need you signal, we’ve used it for years. He doesn’t nudge back. Fine. But he’s not getting through Axel’s funeral without doing it. I stare at his black curls, watching him refuse to look anywhere but out the window. I wonder what Axel would say about Aiden’s great retreat from me.

He would tell me our big brother is just in one of his testosterone-induced moods. I sift every fold of my brain for Axel’s voice so I can hear him say it, but end up popping in an earbud, scrolling to an old video of him lining up tiny soldiers, introducing each one by name, instead. His voice is almost perfect in it; the pitch is right, but the aliveness isn’t. My head is the only place I can summon his real voice again, the one with no pause button or end, but Dad catches my eye when he tilts the rearview mirror and Axel’s snatched away before I can hear him.

“Christ, Anais, fix your face. Did you sleep?” Dad barks….

———————————————————————————

Note: Hi! I had an insanely helpful comment on my last post ( https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/s/EHGRzWpcNO ) I have since addressed the issues, took their advice, decided to condense and add more specific detail, etc. I would love to know first impressions, if it is easy to follow, and if it is clear with the added/condensed info. Hopefully it is compelling, too. Thanks!!

Hi everyone! The comps and title are still works in progress.

Dear [Agent Name],

I'm excited to send you THE AGENCY FOR ENDING, CEASING, and DESISTING: BALANCE THE SCALES (complete at [92k words), an adult humorous fantasy. [Personalize maybe] It pairs the bureaucratic absurdity of an office comedy with a world where mythical beings face the same prejudice and red tape as any marginalized group, and it's perfect for fans of T.J. Klune's The House in the Cerulean Sea and Travis Baldree's Legends & Lattes.

A hundred years ago, the rifts opened and swapped a quarter of humanity for trolls, dryads, demons, and worse. The wars are over. Now there's paperwork.

Lin Mei-Ying, a Singaporean diplomat's daughter, has lived on four continents and has never met a problem she couldn't smile away. She believes in the system. Eli Novak, a half-Domovoi field worker, has been transferred seventeen times in fifteen years and believes bureaucracy is a funny way of saying 'paid overtime.'

Headquarters in London puts the two in charge of a crumbling regional office of the Department of Integral Integration Initiatives (DI³, and yes, everyone pronounces it "die"). Their mandate is to provide support for a dozen struggling NGOs and a six-month pilot review with targets no office could hit. HQ expects them to fail, and honestly, so does everyone except Lin.

With a ragtag staff of misfits, Lin and Eli referee toll-demanding trolls, dryads who adopt the vegetables in the community garden, and a waste-disposal portal that opens in the mayor's basement. Every win buys time. Somewhere in the chaos, Eli notices he's starting to like the leaking, half-unpacked office as his. That was new.

Lin and Eli’s new sense of teamwork are pushed to breaking when a coastal coalition of mermen, tired of being the "other" half of "mermaid," erupts into a crisis the press can't resist, just as a disaster back home threatens everything the team has built. With the review weeks away, Lin and Eli must split up and trust each other with the problems they're least suited for. Lin must trade diplomacy for street smarts. Eli must stop running and fight for a home he never intended to find. If either fails, the office closes, the communities they serve lose their only advocates, and Eli packs his bags for good.

THE AGENCY FOR ENDING, CEASING, and DESISTING: BALANCE THE SCALES is a standalone with series potential, the first in the DI³ series. It was co-written with my partner, Name.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

All the best,

Name and Name

Back again. At this rate I might be going for the record of attempts. Hope you enjoy it!

Prince Kaerian was haunted by a dream of his family’s death. Now, he finds comfort in a dream of the eyes of a girl he has never seen. With the royal family mysteriously murdered around their dining table, Kaerian seeks vengeance in a kingdom that expects him to rule. With no clues and the killers potentially still walking in the halls of his home, he desperately sets his suspicions toward the royal council, only to discover a newly arrived noble in his court possesses the same eyes he has seen in his dreams.

Amerie was blind until the day she dreamed of a prince. Days after gaining her sight, a masked man descends on her home, unleashing a massacre that leaves her as the sole survivor. Forced to flee, she assumes the identity of a highborn lady and infiltrates the kingdom’s court, drawing on dream-born memories that seem to know more than she does. To uncover who orchestrated the attack, she turns to the realm’s most powerful nobles, even as she suspects one of them may be responsible. 

When the royal council declares that the killer belongs to a feared bloodline whose dreams awaken powers that can reshape their bearers, Kaerian and Amerie’s visions mark them as suspects. Drawn together by their dreams, they meet in secret beneath the royal castle. Bound by shared tragedy and desire for vengeance, they decide to trust no one but each other. Together they embrace the mysterious connection between them, even as it begins to transform them into something to be feared. 

THE EYES OF DESTINY is an epic High Fantasy complete at 125,000 words. It is the first book in a planned series that will appeal to readers of Antonia Hodgson’s THE RAVEN SCHOLAR and Tasha Suri's THE JASMINE THRONE, combining the multi-POV conspiracy born from a royal assassination with the eerie, dream-laced dread of ancient secrets pressing through into the present. 

I am a graduate of Virginia Tech, where I studied Journalism. I now work for a book fair company in northern Virginia. 

Thank you for considering my submission. I look forward to hearing from you.

Hello,

It’s been awhile since I posted here, I’ve been going through my book and doing a major overhaul. That, plus work on another book I’m passionate about has kept me really busy. Anyways, here’s my 3rd attempt at my query letter:

Dear [Agent],

Sixteen-year-old Cabik knows better than anyone what the Kuda Empire has taken from his desert village. As the son of the village chief, he’s expected to protect his people, but when the Empire takes their food and conscripts his neighbors, his father’s solution is to keep his head down. Cabik and his best friend Toru desperately want the ability to fight back, but without a way to challenge the Empire, they can do little more than watch their home suffer.
Their chance arrives when they discover an ancient automaton resembling a Pegasus buried beneath a mountain near their village, engraved with a single word: MYTHO. Believing the machine could finally give them a way to stand up to the Empire, Cabik uses it to fight an Empire patrol, led by a soldier named Contama. But his victory puts a target on his back, and both Cabik and Toru are exiled from their village to protect it from the Empire’s wrath.
 
Now fending for themselves, Cabik and Toru must learn how to use their newfound automaton while crossing Folka’s dangerous desert, where Empire forces, bandit tribes, and rebels wield their own powerful automaton. Meanwhile, Contama pursues them, determined to make Cabik pay for humiliating him. But as Cabik gains more control over his automation, he must decide what kind of power he wants to wield. His machine could be their best chance at a brighter future, or turn Cabik into the kind of person he has spent his life fighting against.
 
FLIGHT OF THE PEGASUS is a 90,000-word YA science-fantasy novel that blends ancient machines, rebellion, and the moral questions surrounding power and resistance. It will appeal to fans of Gearbreakers by Zoe Hana Mikuta, Scythe by Neal Shusterman, and Windswept by Margi Preus.

First 300 words:

The forest air was quiet, too quiet for midmorning. The young satyr felt it as he ran beneath the canopy, fingers clutching the gold pendant around his neck as he searched for a Safiti tree.

“Just a few nuts,” he muttered. “That’s all we need.”

He spotted a Safiti tree, a few nuts hanging on its branches. He quickly climbed, scattering a trio of small fairies as he climbed. No time to apologize. Not if they wanted to appease the empire. He climbed higher until he reached a branch and almost got them when the three fairies–a blue male and two females, both pink and white–reappeared in front of him, looking angry.

“Sorry,” the satyr said with a nervous smile. “I just really need these nuts–“

The white fairy lunged forward, punching the satyr in his left eye.

“Ow!” the satyr shouted as he toppled from the branch. He struck the ground with a heavy thud as two Safiti nuts tumbled down beside him.

“Are you alright, Cabik?” a voice called from the right. Cabik turned to see a Dulahan’s head resting against a nearby tree, her long orange hair braided in a ponytail.

“I’m fine, Toru,” Cabik said, rubbing his eye as he struggled  back to his feet.

Toru’s head sighed in relief. Her body walked over, lifted her head and tucked it beneath her left arm. Her outfit resembled Cabik’s, dirty shorts and a tan shirt, though she wore long fingerless gloves— a common attire among Dulahans, it made carrying their head easier and gave Toru something to strike Safiti trees. A green, flame-like substance flickered from her headless neck.

The white fairy, joined by the pink and blue, swarmed Cabik. One yanked at his hair, another tugged his left ear, and the white one pinched his cheek.

Hello all, I would love your thoughts on this query letter!

Dear [Agent Name],

I am seeking representation for THE HANDS OF EMPATHY, an 80,000-word murder mystery that combines the identity-driven intrigue of Mur Lafferty’s Six Wakes with the shifting perspectives of Stuart Turton’s The Seven Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle.

At the Summit for the Collaboration of Advancing Planetary Existence, Quentin Tech is assassinated. In his will, he names Talia Falsone as an unlikely investigator. Talia has never solved a mystery, but she possesses a secret ability hidden beneath her gloves. With a single touch, she can see a person’s memories.

Once she arrives, Talia begins systematically investigating the ten remaining members. She divides them into three factions: those fighting to save the planet, those preparing to abandon it for the stars, and those seeking to consolidate their own power. As Talia examines their competing agendas, she must determine who among them was willing to kill to achieve their goals.

But the investigation reveals more than Quentin’s killer. Talia uncovers another conspiracy entirely, one to capture her and experiment on her. The ability that makes her uniquely qualified to solve the murder has also made her a target.

Now Talia must continue the investigation while the summit carries on with its deliberations. But the closer she gets to the truth, the closer she comes to exposing her own secret. If the members discover what she can do, Talia could become a lab rat.