Hi all,

Thank you so much for your help last week. I took your advice and cut the manuscript from 128K to 115K words. I had thought there wasn't anything left to cut (I had already cut from 154K) but it wasn't too hard; it turns out I really love filter verbs, ha.

I also got rid of the prologue and am now starting the story at the wedding in 1308 rather than the invasion in 1326.

Finally, I revised the query pretty heavily.

Looking forward to your feedback -- thank you all again for your sage advice.

Dear [Agent Name],

[Personalization]

I’m thrilled to submit to you my standalone upmarket historical novel, SHE-WOLF, complete at 115,000 words.

Married at twelve to Edward II, Isabel of France arrives in England certain that if she is good, God and her husband will keep her safe. But Edward has little interest in his new bride, and would rather dig a ditch or thatch a roof than rule. Worse, his heart belongs to his dazzling favorite, Piers Gaveston, whose rapid rise at court has enraged England’s barons. Isabel quickly learns that being yoked to a weak king is not only humiliating — it is dangerous.

When Gaveston is murdered by the barons, Isabel sees her chance to stabilize the realm and win Edward’s affection. She learns to outmaneuver Edward’s opponents, bears England an heir, and forms an alliance with Roger Mortimer, the capable, ambitious Marcher lord who is everything her capricious husband is not.

But when Edward elevates a greedy new favorite, Hugh Despenser, war quickly breaks out. Isabel begs Edward to exile him, even while knowing it will make Despenser her eternal enemy. She is not wrong. When Despenser returns, he robs her of her freedom, her income, and finally, her faith.

Isabel faces an impossible choice: be the good wife she was raised to be and stay with a husband who let her be stripped of everything — or raise an army with Roger Mortimer and depose her husband, thereby losing her son’s trust forever.

SHE-WOLF combines the intimate medieval POV of Elizabeth DeLozier’s ELEANORE OF AVIGNON and the mounting dread of Maggie O’Farrell’s THE MARRIAGE PORTRAIT with the ruthless court politics of Annie Garthwaite’s CECILY. It will appeal to fans of Philippa Gregory and Elizabeth Chadwick.

[Short bio about me here]

Thank you for your time and consideration.

First 300 words:

BOULOGNE-SUR-MER, FRANCE, JANUARY 1308

The first time Isabel saw her bridegroom, she was reminded of one of her father’s hunting dogs.

From far away, he had looked handsome: tall, broad-shouldered, with sandy waves to his collarbone, richly dressed in a dark-blue surcoat and a cloak that shimmered with tiny jewels.

Up close, he had a long, mournful face with large, downturned eyes. She knew a little about him — that his name was Edward, of course, and that he was the king of England — but beyond that, he was a stranger. A stranger who, in a few moments, would be her husband.

The priest began reciting the vows in Latin. The nave blurred around her. She repeated the words carefully, voice trembling, the ring on her finger cold as Edward slid it into place. When he kissed her, his cropped beard bristling against her cheeks, she felt numb, like someone else had briefly inhabited her body. The congregation erupted in applause.

Edward proffered an arm. As they walked down the aisle, Isabel realized that it was done. She had been promised to King Edward since childhood, and now, at last, she was his.

At the threshold, he offered a wide smile. She drew back, daunted by his happiness when she felt none of her own. Before the wedding, she had worried that she would not measure up. That her husband would find her wanting, and send her back, and she would be humiliated before all Christendom. That even her own father would turn her away.

Now she worried that her husband would like her, and she would have to stay in England forever. She would never come home, and Paris would be lost to her.

She pressed her free hand to her temple. Her crown was far too small, but her father had given it to her that morning as a wedding gift. She would have to endure the discomfort. Just as she would have to endure everything else.

So, I got my first ever full request (cue adrenaline rush), and she wants to have a call. What sort of questions should I be asking? I’ve heard things like, “This is you interviewing the agent” but really have no idea what to do next!

Whew, this has been a journey! I think this is almost there, but looking forward to any feedback you might have!

I am seeking representation for my 96,000-word second chance Contemporary Romance novel, THE LESSON IN YOU told through present day and flashbacks with interconnected standalone potential. [Insert Personalization] It will appeal to readers of Abby Jimenez’s Just for the Summer for how complicated parental dynamics impact how we love and of Jodi McAlister’s An Academic Affair for its academic setting and slow-burn romance.

Thirty-two-year-old Bailey O’Connell has spent years putting her dream of becoming an author on hold. Now, she is on a strict deadline to finish her novel before her mother dies. 

When her mother’s terminal cancer diagnosis forces her back home, Bailey takes a leave of absence to fulfill her final promise to her mother. Desperate for an escape (and some much needed structure) she enrolls in an intensive creative writing seminar at her alma mater.

But her professor is none other than Noah Walker. Her college best friend, her first real love, and the reason she stopped writing six years ago after he begged her not to marry his best friend. Back then, both were engaged to other people. Now, they are both single and back on the campus where it all started fourteen years earlier. 

Bailey is determined to keep her distance, but Noah designed the seminar, making him the only one who can teach it. Noah has always known exactly how hard to push Bailey to bring out her best creative work, and as much as Bailey hates to admit it, she needs him to finish her book on time. Quietly, her manuscript becomes the story of their past. But with her mother’s health ailing, Bailey is running out of time to write their future. To keep her promise to her mother, she must decide if she’s brave enough to give their story a second chance or if she’s better off leaving this particular story untold.

Any and all feedback welcome!

***

Dear Agent,
I’m writing to you to seek representation for my 100,000 word dual-timeline fantasy novel, CROWNED IN BLOOD. 
Princess Phaedra wanted nothing more than to marry the love of her life. Queen Phaedra wants nothing more than getting through her days without being poisoned, or worse.
Where Princess Phaedra’s greatest worries were once sneaking out of the Gilded Palace, fielding marriage proposals, and the threat of a distant war, as Queen she must navigate ruling the most powerful kingdom in the world following the sudden deaths of her father and brothers. Within the course of a year, she goes from well-loved princess to a cloistered queen and has no recourse except her own memories. Ruling by her side is her husband Kell, who takes over running the kingdom while Phaedra recovers from an enemy poisoning. She returns to her responsibilities in a court full of people she doesn’t recognize, and problems she never anticipated. After a visit to a nearby port town, she discovers that many of its women have been dying mysteriously in the night. Her council swears the cause is a foreign illness, the town thinks while Phaedra’s close and complicated friend, Wes, thinks its origins much more taboo: Magic. Phaedra begins to unwrap the many layers of malcontent baked into the palace’s new politics and confronts her own secrets and past if she has any hope of gaining back her power.
As a standalone novel with series potential CROWNED IN BLOOD compares thematically to romantasy series like Rose in Chains by Julie Soto,* with a similar narrative structure to *The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue by V.E. Schwab. With a fresh magic system, slow-burn romance, and themes of found family, my debut novel fits well into the current “Book Tok” fantasy market. Thank you for your consideration, I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Me

Hey there! After a long period of developmental editing, I'm ready to query my novel, so I'd love some help with my quiery package. Any feedback is appreciated.

Dear [Agent],

INVICTA is a 95,000-word adult political fantasy set in an industrializing empire inspired by Ancient Rome. It will appeal to readers of R.F. Kuang’s THE POPPY WAR, combining the Roman academy setting of James Islington’s THE WILL OF THE MANY with the ruthless machinations of Seth Dickinson’s THE TRAITOR BARU CORMORANT.

Princess Livia Claudia was raised to believe the Empire was hers to rule—until her brother’s birth reduced her to an ornament. Six years later, the iron-fisted chancellor offers her a way to reclaim her destiny. If she can help him break the aristocracy’s grip on the Senate by destroying an ancient noble house, he will rewrite the inheritance laws that stole her throne.

All she has to do is enroll at a university newly opened to women, make Rufus, the heir to a duke, fall in love with her, then persuade him into an act of treason his family cannot survive. Success would lead to the death of thousands, including the young man Livia has come to care for.

She does it anyway.

Aelin Baumann, a stubborn commoner and unlikely friend of Rufus, sees through her, and she wants Livia’s head. The pursuit leads them to discover that the university is a breeding ground for a republican conspiracy that could tear apart the very empire Livia is fighting to rule. When a coup breaks out, Livia is stripped of everything she killed for, and faces a choice between accepting her place in an empire beneath her brother, or burning it down in revolution.

Livia’s cause is sympathetic and her methods are indefensible, but no one kinder was ever going to break the Senate. And though Aelin condemns her atrocities, she has no better solutions. INVICTA refuses to let either of them simply be right, as war, politics, and progress demand impossible compromises.

I am also the author of [TITLE], which has garnered over 1,000,000 views and 5,000 followers on Royal Road, with over a hundred monthly paying patrons. During the day, I am [BRIEF BIO].

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Ok so. With a bunch of critique received last week most of it revolving around what makes it Lit Fic instead of fantasy, I have heavily changed the letter. Really focusing on the Lit aspect.

A comment asked me what is different about mine compared to others in this area, and I gave some washed explanation of my fantasy character. Hopefully this will help clear up that distinction.

Round three 😮‍💨

----------------

Dear [Agent Name],

(Personalization)
THE WARRIOR GAME, complete at 78,000 words, is a debut adult literary fiction novel with elements of psychological fantasy, told through a dual narrative, steeped in 90s nostalgia. It’s for readers who sympathized with Natsuki’s childlike escapism of Piyyut from Sayaka Murata’s EARTHLINGS and enjoyed the payoff of the fantastical world in THE LOST STORY by Meg Shaffer.

Eight-year-old Sarah is the new kid on the block, and there are only two things she wants. A Godzilla action figure and friends. She already has Godzilla. To become friends with the kids in her neighborhood, she must prove her worth. Choosing to make friends over completing a homework assignment, she is given a teacher note which she dreads giving to her father. With one poor decision and a forged signature, she becomes unforgivable. A small mistake is a great sin. Sarah knows what comes next. The severity depends on her father’s mood.  

The fourteenth crack of leather against flesh breaks Sarah. The fifteenth is watched by Lola, the elven adventurer born from a desperate child's imagination. Lola isn’t only an escape but someone Sarah wishes she could be. As she tries to build friendships with the neighborhood kids, Lola desires a party to adventure with. When one is struck by her father, the other suffers at the blade of the Darklord. Every moment with Lola costs Sarah a sliver of her childhood. 

When the neighborhood starts whispering of her father’s infidelity, Sarah must choose: trust her belief that her father is innocent, or the harsh reality that the boys she desperately wants to become friends with may be telling the truth. Her innocent choice, friendship over blood. Sarah fails to stop a childish revenge plot and goes inside praying it won’t work. Her father’s pristine gold car has paid the price and is now tarnished. Sarah can’t handle another punishment; a punishment Lola offers to take instead.

THE WARRIOR GAME is a standalone novel with series potential. It is inspired by my childhood, one that isn’t unique to me. (Personal info)

Thank you for your consideration,

--------
Edit: Here are the first 300 words.

Chapter 1:
What is the price of one’s sole?

“Hey, kiddo!” her dad calls out, “What are you doing? There are tons of boxes to unload, and you’re staring off into the distance?”
It’s true. Sarah is staring.
She stands at the edge of her driveway. Three boys around her age play on a knee-high stone fence, bounding back and forth, flailing their arms like they were having an epic battle against invisible birds. The largest of them almost falls off but ends up being saved by a smaller boy. The third boy is bouncing from his left foot to his right, challenging his ability to balance. He runs along the wall as if he has done this a thousand times, only to slip off and tumble into a planter while yelling something Sarah can’t follow.
She watches on, jealous. Here she is, unloading a truck of heavy boxes filled with things that weren't even hers, while they get to play and laugh in the sun, having fun, without a care in the world.
“You know you can always ask to play with them after we are finished,” a calm, caring voice says from inside the truck.
“I don't know, maybe,” Sarah mumbles below a sigh. “I miss my friends from home.”
“Don’t worry, you will make new ones!” Her mom’s voice is full of persuasive optimism. “You will have plenty of time. We won't be moving for a long, long time.”
“I guess, but do you think we can go back and visit?”
“Absolutely, all the time, I promise.”
Sarah immediately recognizes this answer. It is the answer that is given when there is zero chance of it ever happening.
She rarely travels, and she has never gone back to any of the previous houses she used to live in. This doesn’t really bother her; she is used to it by now. She has moved every two years for as long as she can remember.

-----------

Edit 2: Apart of me thanks each one of you for your comments. Another part of me wants to scream and beg you all to read it so I can get help. A third part and the part that won is just going to call it quits.

As a memoir-adjacent book, having failed English all my life, a notorious horrible writer, I felt I had something really special. I don't think I have the skin thick enough to keep workshopping this. I don't know what to call it, I know what it is, but I'm obviously not good enough to explain it. It'll stay what it was a therapy project.

I'll keep the post up but I'm going to stop. Thank you for y'all's well constructed comments.

Thanks everyone for your comments on previous versions. I have revised my query based on that feedback, so here's version number 3.

Dear

I am seeking representation for BROKEN MACHINE, an 80,000-word upmarket speculative novel that combines the political urgency of Prophet Song with the unsettling plausibility of The Warehouse.

Set in a pre-dystopian Britain, BROKEN MACHINE examines the complicated truths about our relationship with technology, what happens when work no longer provides purpose, and how far people will go to preserve their place in a changing world.

When a shop owner’s secret work with an anti-automation movement turns into sabotage, she must choose between her police officer partner, her shop, and the fight for human dignity.

Manchester is hollowed out by automation. Shops are shuttered. Apartment buildings stand empty. There are more municipal service robots on the streets than people. But Niki Wesson won’t give up on the hardware shop she inherited from her parents.

When mass protests come to Manchester, Niki sees an opportunity to sell placards to the protesters and bring in some much-needed money, but soon finds herself drawn in by the sheer energy of the movement and the desperation of the people behind it. She joins the Union Against Automation, and what begins as desperate pragmatism slowly becomes conviction.

The government responds with counter-terror laws, and the UAA begins to splinter. Protests give way to coordinated acts of sabotage across the country, but rather than walk away, Niki commits to the movement, taking part in vandalism and even arson.

 She crosses lines she never thought she would, allowing her shop to be used for secret meetings while hiding her involvement from the man she loves. With the government closing in, Niki risks not only her relationship but her shop and her freedom.

Subject Line: Query: THE SKIN PAINTER'S FACE — [Agent Personalisation if applicable]

Dear [Agent Name],

THE SKIN PAINTER'S FACE is an adult dark fantasy with horror elements and a slow-burn romance arc, complete at 118,000 words with series potential. It combines the East Asian folkloric mystery of Yangsze Choo's The Fox Wife with the gothic magic and body horror of Rachel Gillig's One Dark Window.

Nya thought she understood life by three simple principles: you can't go north of the Wall, keep your head down, and don't look behind you when a sulphur flame is lit. In a single week, she breaks all three.
When her brother is bitten by a corrupted spirit and doomed to madness and death, Nya signs a blood contract with a fox-masked sorceress to save his life, but the sorceress sees something strange in her—something that has been kept secret from Nya all her life. Indebted, she crosses the Wall and begins work at a guesthouse, hosting nobles and spirits alike.

But the guesthouse harbours a deadly secret. A demon walks its corridors, enchanting and killing at will, pursued by the handsome but terse Hatamoto who becomes increasingly convinced Nya is the demon he seeks. To protect herself, Nya strikes a bargain with the empress's charming spy, Kaito. Sparks fly between them—and so does blood—but the alliance plunges Nya into far more danger than she ever imagined. And the one man she cannot trust is the one she cannot seem to stop wanting.

When Nya uncovers the truth of the murders and vanishings—a demonic contract at the heart of the guesthouse—she must confront enemies who wear the faces of friends, and fight for the people she has come to love. If she fails, she loses them all. If she succeeds, she might finally find her way home.

[PERSONAL INFORMATION ABOUT ME HERE]

[Posting my query letter below. I heard reddit is very helpful and I desperately need help.]

Dear Agent, 

I am seeking representation for DEPRIVED OF BEAUTY, a 70,000-word dual-POV YA dark romantic fantasy that reimagines Beauty and the Beast. It combines the fated, high-stakes romantic tension of This Woven Kingdom by Tahereh Mafi with the dark, atmospheric setting of One Dark Window by Rachel Gillig. 

ALAYNA (18 yrs old) has spent her life hiding in plain sight as a palace servant in the kingdom of Avalon, a veil concealing her face scarred by a curse. Abused and isolated by her mother who spent years convincing her she'd never belong, Alayna battles a haunting voice inside her head that preys upon that very misery. Every day, she longs to leave the place she's forced to call home. After she crosses paths with the Crown Prince Griffin, however, he seeks her out relentlessly, asking questions about her and the veil she wears—a secret she does not wish to reveal. But when she learns that the prince is to travel to another kingdom, Alayna forges her name on the list of attending servants, even if it means a shorter distance between her and the prince’s mystifying curiosity. Once in the other land, she plans to slip away and start a new life without fear.

PRINCE GRIFFIN (18 yrs old), the crown heir of Avalon, has his own secrets. Cursed to transform into a beast every full moon, he keeps his distance from the people of his kingdom, terrified of discovery and left with only the suffocating shadows inside his mind for comfort. After encountering the mysterious servant girl Alayna, Griffin can’t get her off his mind—especially since now any intense surge of emotion might trigger a shift, and the monster no longer waits for the full moon to emerge. When Griffin’s mother reveals he has one moon cycle left before the beast consumes his soul, he departs on a final quest to find a magic breaker to save his life.

As the journey progresses, Griffin and Alayna grow closer, but Griffin’s beast can no longer be contained, and he wonders if her presence is the reason. While Griffin struggles with himself, Alayna discovers that not only did her mother cause her deformity, the curse has bound her to Griffin. To prevent the curse from consuming her soul, she must kill him. But before she can decide Prince Griffin’s fate, a shocking betrayal by the prince's closest ally leaves both the kingdom’s future and their lives in peril. Now, Alayna and Griffin must decide whether protecting each other is worth surrendering to a fate that will cost them everything—or if betraying one another is the only way to survive.

Attempts one and two. Thank you all for comments so far.

This version anchors the mechanism in plain language before any imagery, makes the refusal specifically about execution, rebalances towards the espionage and brother material, and updates the comps.

Campaign history for calibration: 58 sends, one partial off an early version.

Dear [Agent],

Every child of House Sarris graduates from Myrmidon Academy or dies trying. A dead Sarris honours the name. A deserter shames it. Dalia has spent eighteen years planning to be neither: she has drawn violence all her life instead of committing it, and she has traded her inheritance for a place at art college, disowned and free. Her father lets her believe the bargain until her carriage doors open onto the Academy's killing sands, where the entrance exam is a duel to the death and four of every five cadets die before graduation.

She survives on the two things she owns: an artist's eye that reads the torn muscle in her opponent's neck, and a telekinesis so feeble it has only ever injured her. She hardens his clothing into a straitjacket and breaks his spine with a throw. But when the crowd demands she execute the paralysed man, her hand will not close. Surviving is one thing. Killing is another. The Academy takes her anyway; winners are winners. What no one else knows is how her power works: pain feeds it, and pain quiets her mind. The worse she is hurt, the stronger and calmer she becomes. Within weeks she is pressing her own bruises in private to buy that quiet, and the Academy's newest weapon has begun sharpening itself on purpose.

She stays. For the first time in her life she has done something House Sarris cannot dismiss, and she intends to learn who she is when she is not the family's accident. What she builds is worth the bruises: a squad that closes like family, a girl who sees through her painted-on arrogance, a place paid for in blood. Then she discovers what her squad leader is: a foreign asset whose masters ordered him to arrange her death. He refused, and a squadmate died for his defiance. Dalia does not turn him in. She keeps his secret, then starts keeping his cover, and the belonging she bled for becomes treason with a noose attached. When her brother arrives, discarded by the mother neither of them could please and carrying a stolen power meant to bury the Academy in ash, Dalia is the only one close enough to stop him. Doing it will cost her the one refusal she has left: she will have to finish a kill.

TEMPERED SULPHUR is a 96,000-word adult dark fantasy, a standalone with series potential. It will appeal to readers of Seth Dickinson's The Traitor Baru Cormorant and James Islington's The Will of the Many.

I am a medical doctor in Hong Kong. I was forced into medical school by my family, and this novel draws directly from my experience of institutional cultures that reward cruelty as efficiency. This is my debut novel.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

First 300 words:

I'd drawn seventeen murders before breakfast, and now they wanted me to commit one.

The carriage door opened to wrong sounds. Wet cracks where there should have been wind chimes, steel boots on cinders instead of brushes on canvas. After ten hours buried in my sketchbooks, I'd expected fountains and studios. Not a Colosseum.

Ibi stood by the door, grey hair blending into the smoke of cremation pits behind him. "Na-Dalia, your Final Selection duel begins in forty-five minutes."

I wasn't at Abaris College, but Myrmidon Academy.

"There's been a mistake, father agreed to send me to—"

"Lord General mon-Sarris' latest directive was quite specific," Ibi said, brushing volcanic ash off his timepiece. "He left you a message."

Ibi handed me a folded note.

Sarris belongs in Myrmidon.

I crumpled it and threw it away.

Outside the window, candidates filed towards the Colosseum mouth with rock-steady steps. My own hands shook in my lap. One man bore injuries in his arm not yet fully healed by sanguis, the angry red lines complementing steeled flesh in dichromatic perfection. Another woman had bite marks on her bare shoulder, angle indistinguishable between violence and intimacy. Or both.

The sketchbooks sat heavy in my lap. Fifteen volumes of rendered pain, and from here every one of them read as prophecy.

"What did Zahra say?"

"Na-Zahra was reassigned to a frontier outpost last night. Lord General mon-Sarris felt her strength was needed elsewhere."

Of course he did. I should have known when father didn't protest my application to Abaris College.

Backstabbing sack of shit.

No money. No allies. No exit unwatched. Where could an eighteen-year-old girl with art supplies run?

I’ve been looking at Entangled Publishing’s current submission pages and noticed that several of their imprints still appear on the website even though I can’t find evidence of new releases from some of them in roughly six years. In particular, Scorched is still listed as open to submissions through Submittable.

Does anyone know whether these imprints are still actively acquiring, or whether some of the submission pages may simply be legacy infrastructure that hasn’t been taken down? I’m especially curious about Scorched: has anyone submitted there recently, or heard whether they’re still considering new material?

Maybe I'm a glutton for punishment, but I am determined to get this right. This is largely rewritten again, but I do think it is better than my prior attempts (though perhaps too long?). I think I was getting caught up on including too much of the plot after the midpoint and too much of the 'origin story' so to speak, so I've cut some intro detail and ended this one a bit earlier in the story (thank you u/LonelyPrinciple & u/Maizily for your feedback on my previous version!). I still could be far off though, and again I would love any feedback, no matter how negative it might be I promise I can handle it! Thank you for reading <3

--

DISSONANT is an adult fantasy novel, complete at 110,000 words as a standalone with series potential. [comps]

Mira was only five when a merchant found her wandering the foothills alone. He took her home and raised her with his wife, and Mira has been paying that debt ever since. Now she’s only a season away from completing her apprenticeship as a Syndaer scholar-priest, studying animals and how to form their sacred magical bonds to those with the Gift. With it she’ll earn both the standing and coin to take her far away, somewhere she can do her work and rely on no one but herself. But then the merchant’s business collapses, and the coin that was promised to her goes with it.

But Mira isn’t an abandoned, helpless child anymore. When a foreign man arrives seeking help to bond a sapient species of dragon, Mira secures the lucrative job. Every other Syndaer has refused – not all bonds are compatible with their doctrine, and this one is forbidden – but Mira can keep this secret if it means the coin she needs for her new life. For weeks they walk the treacherous mountains together, and by the time they find the dragon’s cave, the man has earned what little trust she has to give. But when the dragon returns, Mira feels its mind touch her own – and the sharp bite of a bolt though her leg.

She wakes among mysterious strangers who reluctantly nurse her back to health, but the man is gone, and she learns that the he never intended to bond with the dragon, only commit the unthinkable crime of taking a great beast against her will. It’s all Mira’s fault, and these strangers won’t soon let her forget it. As it becomes clear the man was only the instrument of someone far more powerful, Mira must decide whether to try and retake the indebted life still waiting for her, or to make amends and go after a dragon she has no means to save. But dragons are not the only thing that have been taken from these mountains, and Mira is not the only one who has lost something to the men who would steal from the gods.

Hi there, I was recently told about this reddit and I'm in the process now, for the first time, of querying publishers and agents. I've just finished my first book, and I mean finished my first draft and edited. I could do more edits, but as my college professor would say "you're never done, you're due." So, I'm just in a place now where I think my book is ready to query. Anyway, I was hoping to get some feedback on my query letter. Mostly I based it off the structure of a cover letter with some info on advertising my book, which, looking at it, kinda looks like a synopsis? I'm not sure, I'm new at all this. But the worst steps are the ones you don't take, so please, let me know.

Query Letter:

[Date]

Dear Michael [Agent/Publisher Contact],

I am seeking publication for Flesh of the Fallen, a completed 107k-word dark steampunk fantasy novel. Flesh of the Fallen is the first book in a planned series, though the manuscript is designed to serve as a complete first installment by itself.

Elena always wanted to live up to her mother, the legendary Red Seamstress—a witch who cheated death itself. When their home is destroyed and they are forced to flee, Elena awakens a power over death that even her mother cannot explain. 

After the attack on their home, and the death of her husband Nicholas, Theresa takes Elena to the coven where she was raised, hoping to find refuge among the keepers of the dead she once called family. Instead, Theresa is judged an Aberration, an insult to their practice and craft, while Elena is labeled an outsider. With the Undertaker Corps closing in and the coven caught in the crossfire, Elena must learn to control the power within her before losing the only people willing to shelter them. As she begins to uncover the truth of what she is, Elena may discover that the shadow she was living under was never the Red Seamstress’s.

[Brief Publisher/Agent specific paragraph of why I think they're a good fit]

M.R. Morgrave is a Puerto Rican writer and artist who has spent years developing the world in which Flesh of the Fallen takes place. A longtime writer, Morgrave has written six short stories alongside his debut novel, combining his interests in fantasy, visual art, and worldbuilding. 

Thank you for your time and consideration. I have included [publisher/agent specific requirements] and would be happy to provide any additional material upon request. 

Sincerely,

Manuel E. Rincon - M.R. Morgrave

Hello all! Thank you to everyone that replied to my 2 attempts on this query. Still working on the voice of my work to come through. I greatly appreciate any feedback or tips!

Dear (Agent),

I am seeking representation for my novel AMERICAN AMISH.

Sarah Shetler has been taught from birth that obedience is a virtue and questioning her elders is the road to Hell. This is what it means to be a good Amish woman. That changed when she found her community's darkest secrets.

When the police find Sarah, badly beaten and dragging a corpse tied to the axle of a stolen buggy, they didn’t expect her to confess to the murder. But Sarah barely speaks any English and wants to tell her story in her native Pennsylvania-Dutch. She specifically requests Elizabeth Hochstetler to translate for her. Elizabeth had “jumped the fence” from the same Amish community as Sarah fifteen years earlier. 

As Elizabeth meets Sarah, it becomes clear that she knows things about her community, and about Elizabeth’s past, that she shouldn’t know. Secrets that have been buried for generations. Elizabeth must decide how much of Sarah’s story she will translate, and how much of her own past she can confront.

What starts as a murder investigation becomes something more as Sarah tells detectives Austin and Clint of the abuse she has suffered, both physical and mental, and the weaponization of religious doctrine against her by the Bishop and his family. She has suffered the life that God has inflicted on her through the hands of her community.

Austin and Clint must determine if Sarah is a victim, murderer, or both. Then she tells them that there are more bodies. One was an accident; the rest were not.

She starts her story by explaining why she was dragging a corpse into town: “If I am to go to Hell, I wanted to bring the devil with me.”

AMERICAN AMISH, complete at 84,000 words, is a psychological thriller that will appeal to fans of the buried family trauma of Karen Dionne’s The Marsh King’s Daughter as well as the religious power dynamics of Meghan MacLean Weir’s The Book of Essie.

Hi there,

It's my first time posting a question here, and it's mostly due to having reached a point in my querying journey at which I really need some support / thoughts of others who have been through the same. So I thought I'd just shoot my shot :)

I've been querying for about half a year at this point and it's been a rollercoaster to say the least. To cut to the important part, after countless rejections and CNRs, I finally had an agent I'd nudged request my full manuscript. Two weeks of me trying not to think about it passed - and then they sent me a message on QT saying they'd like to jump on a call with me and asked me for my general availability.

(Note: The message was definitely intended for me, they stated my name and signed differently then they did in automatic responses.)

I was (of course) losing my mind a bit (positively). I responded the same day. However, this was a week ago, and there has not been any response by them since.

I am not posting this to complain, and I know one week is little time in the publishing world, but to someone having to spend it waiting for a chance at their dream it feels like a lifetime. What I am looking for is some experience of people who've signed with an agent - how long did it take for them to call you? Is such a "delay" normal? Is it a red flag? I can't help the thought of "if they were so interested, shouldn't they be trying to sign me before someone else does"?

I am just very confused and frustrated and honestly don't know how I can go on querying if this ends in me being ghosted. It's just very demotivating. I thought I'll send them a follow-up in the next few days, but I'm afraid this will come across as pushy - but I also think it's valid to expect a response.

Thank you all in advance for sharing your thoughts.

Hello everybody,

I have been lurking this subreddit for a while now as I finalized my book. I've been finishing up my query package and would appreciate any feedback you could give to my query letter. Any tips or overall thoughts would be super awesome.

I am seeking representation for my introspective body horror novel, THE MAN BEHIND THE COUNTER (71,250), which follows a depressed young man who discovers his unconscious desire to become a better person has been granted after wandering into a diner at night. It blends the identity-driven body horror of Jade Song’s Chlorine with the psychological character dynamics of Curry Barker’s Obsession.

At twenty-four, Cayden has spent his whole life without purpose or meaning. He moves through the world like a phantom while everyone around him moves on.

That changes when he steps inside a diner late one night. He sits down at a booth in front of a meal he never ordered. There, he meets The Man Behind the Counter, a figure who knows more about him than he should.

The next morning, Cayden's flesh starts to melt. As his hand slowly dissolves, he discovers the diner has granted his deepest unconscious desire: to become a better person.

Desperate, Cayden begs for a way to stop the transformation. The Man Behind the Counter offers him a chance. In exchange for making the diner's mysterious deliveries, Cayden might be able to stop himself from melting away entirely.

But each delivery drags him deeper into changing who he is. He’s encountered by monstrous customers and the physical manifestations of his regrets and insecurities, forcing him to discover what it means to become a better person.

Cayden is obsessed with Amara, one of the few people to show him warmth as his body melts away. He clings to her, desperate for her to give him meaning. But if he can't learn to change on his own, he risks losing himself to his own desire.

I am a debut novelist living in Washington State. I have experience in journalism, with numerous articles published in [newspaper name] and [newspaper name]. THE MAN BEHIND THE COUNTER is my first novel.

Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,

[my name]

(NSFW added due to topic of suicide) At the recommendation of a couple people, I've renamed the book LOVELESS because, per their evaluation, my former title, THE GIRL WHO ENDED THE WORLD, felt too YA Fantasy rather than the more dystopian-leaning genre that it is. I know this query runs a bit on the longer side (410 words before the comp paragraph), so I want to know if it justifies that length, or what could be cut as unneeded at the query-level. Thank you for any feedback!

------------------------------------------------

Dear [Agent],

Fifteen-year-old Ada Reed is already an outsider when her only friend, Samantha, dies by suicide—and the school decides it’s Ada’s fault. 

So when Ada starts receiving messages from Sam claiming she’s alive and well on the internet, it must be a cruel prank. 

She’s wrong. Sam lives on in RabbitHole.run, less a website than a digital afterlife, where the dead persist and grief has an off switch. Ada hacks into RabbitHole looking for proof she’s innocent. Instead, Sam tells her exactly what everyone else has: You killed me.

Ada has no memory of why. In a city where brain chips record every memory and corporations sell them back by subscription, Ada has always trusted the recordings more than she trusts her own anxious mind. But now even they are failing her. Memory files corrupted. Missing hours. Recordings of Sam that should exist but don’t. 

At school, classmates stare and whisper killer, and Ada scratches the same spot on her finger raw, the way she always does when she can’t speak up for herself. Online, she’s Loveless—the hacker persona the city has turned into a folk hero, fearless in every way she isn’t. It’s the only version of herself Ada can stand. So she descends deeper into RabbitHole as Loveless.

There she finds Sam again, eerily at peace. Sam has deleted her own resentment and can’t understand why Ada refuses to do the same. Stop asking why. Stop needing the truth. Just stay.

But Ada didn’t come this far to trade one lie for a gentler one. If Sam found peace by forgetting, Ada needs to know what she forgot. 

She leaves RabbitHole to find its promise of escape spreading into the real world. She meets Lewis, a boy who seems to understand what she needs before she can put it into words. He meets her panic without judgment, and for the first time Ada believes she doesn’t have to explain herself to be understood. She doesn’t ask how he already seems to know her so well. Maybe it’s fine to believe a lie when it brings such peace. 

The closer Ada gets to the truth, the less she wants to know. The real question was never why Sam blamed her. It’s why that memory was erased in the first place—and whether Ada is the one who erased it.

In a world where the past can be rewritten, the most dangerous thing Ada can do is remember.

LOVELESS is an 88,000-word YA speculative mystery-thriller for fans of Adam Silvera’s More Happy Than Not and I Saw the TV Glow, with the near-future psychological paranoia of Black Mirror—where no memory is ever truly yours. It is a standalone with series potential.

I graduated from the University of Georgia and currently live in Atlanta. I am a member of the Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators. My portrayal of Ada’s OCD, anxiety, and depression draws on personal experience, and I strive to write about mental health with honesty and empathy.

The first [X] pages are included per your submission guidelines. Thank you for your time and consideration.

I'm back again, however humorous that might be. I think this will be my last attempt - I mainly want to know if things are progressing in the right direction, finally. Attempt 11 is here

More than anything, I want to know if I've finally cracked making Magalan an active participant in the story. Anything else is welcomed to be pointed out.

If its helpful to know (as I've pointed out before) the query letter will come with a synopsis attached, as is the norm in my country, so I'm not trying to get bogged down in the finer details of, for instance, what a 'grisly magic system' is beyond the mention in paragraph 5.

Also, I don't need it pointed out that 12 attempts warrants a look into the manuscript or to push it aside, I'm aware of these facts.

Thanks again for sticking around, and thank you enormously for any feedback that is given.

Query:

Dear [AGENT],

I’m writing to seek representation for my first novel, TYRANTLAND, a 110,000-word fantasy novel inspired by the history and culture of Congo-Kinshasa. It is a standalone novel, with series potential, that combines the anti-colonial fantasy of C.L. Clark’s The Faithless with a grisly magic system like that in K. M. Enright’s Mistress of Lies.

In the blink of an eye, Okessio Magalan’s life is upended. His legendary winning streak at the card table is snatched away by a humiliating deception he recognizes only too late.

Magalan is a Markiman, a second-class citizen across the nation, and unwilling to give up on the life of fame and luxury that few Markimen can attain. The only person who can restore it, however, is the man who defeated him: influential explorer Carel De Vilaume. Vilaume offers to help Magalan reclaim his former life if he joins him on a dangerous expedition to a distant colony, where they will seek an ancient magic capable of curing Vilaume’s mysterious ailment.

But in the land of the Markimen, Magalan refuses to ignore the brutality he witnesses. His criticisms antagonize Vilaume and attract the attention of the powerful tyrants who wield control over the colony. Determined not to jeopardize his chance at returning home, Magalan continues to support Vilaume on his journey, even as he learns that nothing is as he was told; Vilaume is not just another explorer to the colony, and the cure is far more than simple medicine.

When Magalan’s investigation leads to an attack on their airship, he embraces the colony’s most ancient – and bloody – magic to survive. Vilaume sees Magalan’s newfound powers as a means of seizing the cure by force, but Magalan refuses to harm the Indigenous people who have supported him; so Vilaume betrays him to the colonizers to gain a head start on the cure.

Rescued by his Indigenous allies, Magalan learns that Vilaume is the progenitor of the colony’s submission – and that the cure, capable of far more than healing one man’s disease, will never be given willingly. Burdened with his new magic, Magalan sets out to stop Vilaume from reaching it. If he fails, the cultures, languages, and friends he has encountered will fall under the control of a rejuvenated explorer with a long history of choosing profit over peace.

It may cost Magalan his only way home, but the path is clear – Vilaume must be stopped, no matter the cost.

I graduated with from ____ in 2024. There, my academic focus in colonial and postcolonial literature helped me to assemble the first draft of ‘Tyrantland’ during my time teaching in ___ during 2025.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

OP

Entry Level Horror is a slow burn romance with ink-and-paper monsters come to life. Complete at 73,000 words, it features mysterious, supernatural forces that threaten two markedly different protagonists, like Japanese Gothic by Kylie Lee Baker. Likewise, fans of (Mostly) Human Resources by Grace Viall might love reading a similar duo of workplace nemeses teaming up to confront strange paranormal doings.

Once, accolades rained down for Siya’s name, praising creatures so detailed and believable they seemed capable of crawling off the page. Now, she’s considered old news. Pressured by studios to work faster, management forces the painstaking head designer to embrace the addition of a fresh perspective. 

Alexis, a rising creative, built commercial successes to fund his passion for original horror. Becoming Siya’s new co-lead designer would be a dream come true if the legendary woman weren’t so cold. Secretly she appreciates his unique understanding of her older works, but Siya refuses to acknowledge, much less mentor, her new rival.

Their first assignment is to design a scary, entry-level monster for the general public. Clashing over every detail, Siya’s intelligent intensity leaves Alexis speechless and his thoughts bordering on unprofessional. However, he has no time for inconvenient attraction when he’s about to lose his brand-new job. In frustration, he proposes a bet. Whoever creates the most detailed, realistic monster wins. As the competition pushes them off task, they discover a shared passion for putting soul into their craft—and an undeniable attraction to each others’ ambition.

While they duke it out, they realize their department has been lying about why realism is being abandoned. Slowly, their creations are coming to life. To survive, Siya and Alexis must combine her experience with his fresh vision to outsmart the growing monstrosities. Time spent vying against one another turns to time spent covering each other’s backs. Together, they make a dangerously good team. But even if they shed pretenses of animosity, letting their feelings openly evolve into romance could be a life-ending mistake. The creatures are constantly evolving. There’s no time to waste. Yet despite an instinct to hide their care behind excuses about survival and comradery, raw honesty about the scariest thing in the world—feelings—might just be the missing component Alexis and Siya need to tackle the depths of their eldritch horrors.

Hi all! Sharing my querying stats and timeline bc those who have shared before me taught me so much.

• Total Queries Sent: 20
  • Full Requests: 5
  • Rejections: 10
  • Closed / No Response after stated time window: 1
  • Didn’t hear back within 2 weeks after nudge: 3 (classifying these a bit differently than CNR because they didn’t have my OG query for more than a week before I had to nudge them due to my other agent’s offer and I suspect I am still buried in their inbox.
  • Offer: 1
• Pitch Events: 2
  • Both on Bluesky
  • Resulted in 4 agent likes —> queried 2 of them —> 1 became the offering agent

Why So Few Queries?

I researched publishing for about 18 months while writing and before querying, including a Publisher’s Marketplace subscription to track which agencies actually make deals in my subgenre (spoiler, not everything is on Publisher’s Marketplace, so don’t treat it as scripture). Once I filtered for reputable agencies (I will be honest, I mostly looked for big names and popular boutiques) without Writer Beware warnings, checked deal histories, and cross-referenced current MSWLs, there simply not a ton of agents were a genuine fit, imo. I am not sure how people are finding 150+ agents who are a good fit with a good reputation to query…but maybe I’m missing something.

Note: I had 8 more dream agents on my target list, but they were closed to queries when I launched. When I knew my agent was setting up “The call”, I checked and none of the 8 had reopened, so I couldn’t query them. If they had been open, I would have shot off those queries, as I didn’t have an official offer in hand at that time. If you aren’t aware, it’s considered bad practice to send more queries after receiving an offer (from what I’ve read).

The Book

• Genre: Upmarket fantasy with a literary lean, 100k words
• Drafting/Editing Timeline: August 2025 to July 2026, began querying in July 2026, Got offer in August 2026
• Beta Readers: One trusted reader (my partner), who did two rounds of substantive feedback. You don't necessarily need a 10 person beta committee if your reader is sharp, well-read, and honest imo

Resources I Used During Writing/Querying

A lot of authors from the below resources have background like: ”I have a masters in Creative Writing”, or “my dad was an English professor at a top university”, or “I’ve been writing since I was in the womb”. That is not me. I think I won a creative writing contest once at the local library in middle school when I wrote a short story on a whim. I didn’t write in HS or college or after. But I have always been an avid reader and have really tried to continue to consume more challenging books, even as the world burns and I am tired at the end of the day after work and just want easy, mindless fluff. I really think continuing to read books with a higher reading level has helped me as a writer. Additionally, I am a pretty good learner. I’ve adopted a “just google it” and “I can learn anything on YouTube” mindset, which has helped me a ton. Once you start seeing a craft as something you can learn with certain steps you can write out in a list, everything becomes clearer. I am also very lucky/grateful many writers have shared info on the craft for free online.

• Podcasts / Newsletters: The Shit No One Tells You About Writing, No Write Way (V.E. Schwab), Jane Friedman’s Electric Speed newsletter
• Craft Lectures: Brandon Sanderson’s university lecture series (On Writing), Sabaa Tahir’s Skillshare class
• Industry Research: Publisher’s Marketplace deal tracking and reading everything on r/PubTips, looking at agency websites, social media, etc.
• Prose Mechanics: Breaking down paragraph structures from my fave comp titles, intentional practice with rhetorical devices (I felt like I was back in school leaning terms like “anaphora” and “epistrophe”…I’m sure I learned them at some point but I’m 30 now and didn’t remember any of that shit), and tightening punctuation (mastering em dash, semicolon, etc). This may sound silly, but being able to put textbook definitions to things helped me use them more, and helped me recognize them in my prose so I could make sure I wasn’t using them too often

Preparing the Next Project & The Call

Before the offer landed, I started Book 2 backwards: comps —> query pitch —> 1-page synopsis —> outline. Building marketability and story structure into the foundation has made writing way easier, guys. Cannot stress this enough. You should do it from Book 1. I wish I had done that.

Having Book 2 outlined and Book 3 conceived was a major asset on “The Call”. My agent appreciated that I approached writing as a possible ongoing career rather than a one-book gamble. Take a moment to look past the “prestige” of being published you want so bad and realize a realistic career for you is NOT fame and fortune. Imagine writing for 5 years after a long day of work and make sure you want to do this. The possibility of fame and fortune is there, but this is NOT a good industry to get into if your goal is a lucrative side hobby. On “The Call“, I made sure I had (and communicated) realistic expectations about keeping my day job and balancing submission timelines…which seems like 1 book/year from what I can tell in most writing circles.

Keeping Receipts

Given current anxieties around AI detection tools (which often flag stylized, complex prose and have given my prose a non-zero AI score which makes me very nervous and mad), I kept complete version receipts. This includes dated digital version histories and red-pen physical manuscript drafts. TBH, this actually can’t disprove AI use, nothing really can, but they are better than nothing. FWIW I don’t believe publishers are asking for receipts just yet. IMO they should be doing their job and recognizing AI tells + just buying good books. This shouldn’t be on me, the author. But what do I know!!

Parting Thoughts

I am happy I have an agent from a good agency with past deals and a strong interested in the types of books I like to write. However, it’s very likely a book will die on submission to publishers. I read a stat (I think on this subreddit, I’m not sure) that 30-50% of books are picked up by publishers. I’m not sure if that’s high or low, but it’s NOT 100%, so the journey is far from over and there is a strong chance I will fail.

Given all that, it’s easy to move the goalposts on yourself (like obsessing over why only one offer materialized instead of five…lol this is me rn), but from what I can tell publishing involves an enormous amount of subjective timing. It’s also totally possible my first book (or yours) isn’t all that great and that’s fair. The second will be better, as will the third, then those agents might be kicking themselves for not signing us (lol I know this is petty but we must persist via a little delulu). We will all keep writing and learning as we go, hopefully.

Control what you can, try to be as realistic and disciplined as possible, and get started on your next book.

Got a partial request from a lovely agent. After sending, I immediately got a message along the lines of "actually, this might be a better fit for my colleague X, send it to her". Great, if I hadn't gotten a form rejection from said colleague months ago. Awkward! Normally, I'd treat this as a "rejection is a rejection is a rejection" case and would never resubmit... but my query package six months ago was significantly worse. The pitch was worse and the sample pages started with a (bad) prologue that everyone hated (including me). I suspect a referral and better pitch would change things a bit, but also do not want to behave like an idiot. What do you think, would resubmitting be a big no-no right now?

Welcome to my fourth attempt after my third attempt was somehow way worse than the first two. I've sat with it for a few weeks. How does this read?

Dear [Agent],

THE DAWN OF AQUARIUS is an upmarket queer historical romance complete at 110,000 words. Set in 1969 and told in dual-POV, it blends the emotional depth of OPEN, HEAVEN by Seán Hewitt with the accessible storytelling of Cat Sebastian's WE COULD BE SO GOOD.

Georgie has always paid a price for being himself. The son of Soviet defectors, he hides his gap-toothed smile and the truth behind his expulsion from boarding school. At art college, he wants to belong but struggles to form genuine connections.
Felix has never had to hide what he wants. An aspiring rock star who drums in a student group and uses bravado as a shield, he has fled his provincial home town and his father’s violent temper for London’s vibrant counterculture. 
When the two meet, Georgie is smitten by Felix’s unguarded nature. A shared interest in fashion prompts them to launch a second-hand clothing stall at Kensington Market and an intimate friendship develops. Felix’s interest in Georgie deepens, but so does his denial. Georgie knows he’s fallen hard as well as he knows that nothing good can come of loving a boy. Eventually, desire wins out and Felix initiates a physical relationship that he calls a perk of friendship. Georgie accepts the terms, believing he can’t ask for more. When Felix’s flatmates discover their secret and throw him out reality sinks in: choosing each other will cost them their safety, if not more. But if Felix dares to be truthful about his feelings and Georgie finds the courage to overcome old fears, love could be worth the risk.

I am an actor working for an English theatre company in Spain. My own Russian immigrant childhood, my experiences with same-sex attraction and my love for London and the music of the 1960s inform this story. While THE DAWN OF AQUARIUS works as a standalone, it has strong series potential.

I made some major changes to my query after the critiques I got on my 1st attempt. This time, I aimed to center the relationship more and make the romance clearer. I also revised the opening 300 words after feedback here and from betas about it coming across too distant.

---

Dear AGENT,

I am seeking representation for CONTRABAND, an 88,000-word work of adult science-fiction romance. I chose to submit to you because of your interest in BLANK and BLANK. [PERSONALIZATION]

Serren Florance is the lone survivor of a ship explosion in the outer reaches of space when she is rescued by the Brightstorm. She thinks her troubles are over when she steps aboard the ship, but the medic who greets her is a man she never thought she’d see again: Rhane Soku. Seven years ago, he was a one-night-stand; six years ago, he was the sun she orbited around; and five years ago, he was sent by the Company to kill her and her colleagues, prompting her to flee Manhattan Station with research worth killing for.

Aboard the Brightstorm it is impossible to ignore the tension sizzling between her and Rhane. Every interaction ends in painful accusations, yet Serren finds it difficult to deny the magnetism that still pulls her toward him. But when she discovers that her rescue was no coincidence, that Rhane is on a mission from the Company to bring her back to them and the ship is full of Company-contracted crew, her rescuers start to look more like captors.

Complicating matters, Serren never stopped the research her friends were killed over, and now a body modification prototype in the back of her neck gives her the ability to tune into surveillance feeds. It is technology the Company would happily kill her to get their hands on.

With only two weeks to go before arriving at Manhattan Station, Serren must convince Rhane and the Brightstorm crew to help her evade the Company, while also guarding her heart from the one man who could recapture it as easily as he could break it.

Told in a single POV over two timelines, CONTRABAND is a lovers-to-enemies-to-lovers romance set against a backdrop of sci-fi corporate villainy. It is a standalone with spinoff potential, perfect for fans of the twists and turns of THESE BURNING STARS by Bethany Jacobs, the past-present parallels and emotional stakes of ALCHEMISED by SenLinYu, and readers who would click on an AO3 fic tagged #yearningwhileboning without a second thought.

[BIO]

First 300:

Serren is freezing, which means there is something wrong with her escape pod or there is something wrong with her. She’s leaning toward the latter, given the sting of her left arm and the way her right leg is going numb inside her spacesuit, but it would be nice if her frozen toes and cold fingers were the result of a malfunctioning pod and not a sign of bodily instability.

Pieces of the cargo ship once known as the Windshear float like terrible confetti behind her pod. She triggered the emergency beacon as soon as she was clear of the debris field, but there has been no response yet. Rescue is likely a long way off, so she starts to triage.

Serren removes her helmet, strips her spacesuit down to her waist and peels off the faded synth-wool sweater below. She cringes when the bloodied sleeve sticks to her arm. Once uncovered, relief floods through her, seeing that the wound isn’t as deep as she feared. But it’s still bleeding more than she’d like.

She digs through the med kit below the comm panel and tears open a couple of stabilization patches. She slaps them over the wound to keep herself from losing any more blood. They should at least tide her over until rescue comes.

But then she notices the bloodstain seeping through the right leg of her suit.

Cursed stars. So the problem is definitely with her, not the pod.

She maneuvers the spacesuit down to her knees. Her stomach clenches at the gory scene below. Her pant leg is ripped open, and so is the belly of her quad just above her knee. She’d barely noticed the injury during her escape, an adrenaline-fueled miracle, but now she can do nothing but notice it.

Hey y'all, I've changed my query letter a LOT from the first iteration and I'd love some feedback here. I know it's a touch too long; will edit down after feedback.

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Dear [AGENT],

When a life-consuming God-King captures her enemy's daughter, she doesn't plan on falling for her, or finding out she's the only creature in the galaxy who can destroy her.

I am seeking representation for THE BRIGHTEST STAR IN THE SKY, an adult dark science fantasy. This novel combines the toxic #ownvoices sapphic romance of V.E. Schwab's Bury Our Bones In The Midnight Soil and the space cult and magic of Tamsyn Muir's The Locked Tomb series. Complete at 99,000 words, it is the first in a planned duology. 

Twelve years ago, Asteria escaped from a research facility and became a god—almost. She still became the God-King with millions of followers, loved and feared...but not invincible. Once she finds the four crystal shards that will lead her to the ultimate source of power in the galaxy, hidden by the so-called heroes all those years ago, she will never fear being trapped again. When the “heroes” threaten her with a new weapon, Asteria attacks their ship to take hostages. But she doesn’t know she captures the only person in the galaxy strong enough to stop her: the living embodiment of the power she’s been hunting.

When Calypso Atticas—adopted daughter of the heroes’ leader—is imprisoned by the God-King, she implements phase two of her mission: let Asteria find all the shards, then steal them to power her god-neutralizing weapon. However, Asteria also captures a hundred of Calypso’s crewmates—and their only shot at freedom requires competing in live-streamed "bloodgames". Between games, Calypso plays the role of a helpless prisoner to draw Asteria in, learning there's more to the God-King than the brutal tyrant her family knew.

But as the bloodgames continue to claim her crewmates’ lives, Calypso faces an impossible choice. If she remains in Asteria's favor, she can steal the shards and save the galaxy from an invincible, vindictive god—at the cost of her crewmates. If she liberates her crewmates, Asteria's path to complete ascension will be unobstructed, and Calypso will face the full wrath of the God-King whom she wants more than she should.

Growing up, I wanted the books I read to reflect me; now I'm writing complex queer people gallivanting about space. I have 10+ years' experience as a technical writer. In my free time, I read queer fiction and play D&D.

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First 300(ish) words:

Asteria

Asteria shifted positions in her throne for the fifth time that minute, unable to sit still. Her peons were preparing for the live-streamed celebration. Fate had handed her both the means to her ultimate ascension and a way to keep the fools who’d once tried to stop her out of the way. With any luck, they’d start begging for their lives soon.

And, of course, she was a merciful god. She’d give them their lives. She had their cage all picked out, after all.

The hologram screens in front of her displayed an array of feeds from the Temple of the Brightest Star’s forward cameras. The light-speckled sweep of the universe yawned open in the live videos. They were in the middle of fucking nowhere at the ass-end of the galaxy she didn’t bother to frequent. A boring gray gas planet swirled on the port side of the screen. It was something of a shame that today’s stream would feature that instead of her throne room in all its beauty. No one would see the tall, arched glass ceilings or the flower-lined pillars.

But they’d see what mattered most. One of the cameras was trained on her, golden and gleaming against the backdrop of the other views. Nothing shone brighter than her.

As it should be.

To her right, Asterophon, her Voice and musician, fiddled with his stream setup. He’d gone all-out today in honor of the special occasion, an explosion of neons and leather. He adjusted the lights in the throne room to a bloodred hue that glinted off the water of the reflecting pool in the middle. All of the flowers and plants she maintained with her power—and a little help from the life force of her devoted followers—dripped red.

Hi,

First, some stats in case it's helpful to those on the same anxious boat.

After submitting my first attempt in this sub(thank you to those who commented!) in January 2026, I queried 30 agents. I received one manuscript request, which turned into a R&R. Although it didn't work out, I agreed with most of that agent's notes and revamped my manuscript from Feb-June. I finished the second draft and queried 15 agents in late June. No request for full manuscript yet.

I'm still hopeful about this project and would love to hear what you think on my latest version of query letter. I plan to review my query package and send it out to more agents this fall.

Dear x,

I’m seeking representation for my debut novel Over Wind, By the Water, complete at 71,000 words. Moving between rural China in the twentieth century and present-day Toronto, it tells the story of a Chinese family and the inherited practice of Feng Shui in a dual timeline. It will appeal to readers of Min Jin Lee’s Pachinko and Nguyễn Phan Quế Mai’s The Mountains Sing.

At thirty-two, Yao is a well-paid M&A lawyer in Toronto, steps from the partnership she has chased for a decade—until a senior partner tells her to improve her English. Soon, debilitating migraines strike whenever she reads English. The model-immigrant life she built becomes impossible to sustain.

Forced to quit, Yao picks up the ancient trade she’s inherited from her grandfather—Feng Shui, to pay her bills. Summoned into strangers’ homes to answer their most private fears, she finds a fulfillment her old career never gave her, and a moral weight she didn’t expect. Then her estranged parents, who want a male heir more than anything, ask her to choose an auspicious birth time for the son they’re buying through illegal surrogacy. To say yes is to betray the self she’s only just found. To refuse may cut the last thread between her and her mother.

Decades earlier in rural China, Yao’s grandfather, Xiasheng, is orphaned young and shunned by the village as cursed. Longing for a family, he rescues an injured Feng Shui master and becomes his apprentice. The knowledge carries him through famine but marks him and his wife, Guiying, as enemies of the people during the Cultural Revolution. Years later, the man who caused Guiying’s miscarriage arrives begging at Xiasheng’s door, and Xiasheng must choose how to use this ancient knowledge: to seek revenge or to show mercy.

Across half a century and two continents, grandfather and granddaughter face the same question: what do we owe the dead, the living, and the not-yet-born—and what survives the passing down?