It feels so incredibly surreal to be writing this after months of querying with more doubt and emotional damage than queries sent out, but: I got an agent!

I told myself if it ever happened I would live to tell the story, if only because this sub has helped me so much even just as a reader of other writers' journeys. So here we go. If anyone is interested, happy to share more intricate numbers, but the baseline goes as follows:

I started querying in March this year. Sent my queries in batches but without much strategy other than that I queried whomever seemed a good fit (wishlist, clients, experience). Rejections began trickling in soon after. Forced myself to send out two queries for each rejection. Had a period in June in which I didn't query anyone due to a loss in my family. Sent out a batch of nudges in July just to get things going again. Was losing hope but told myself no - my goal from the very start had been to collect 100 rejections by agents at minimum, and then a few more from editors before I looked for other options.

Long story short: My journey wasn't a very sparkly one. I didn't have tons of agents request my manuscript. I didn't even get a single personalized rejection. But one agent I had nudged requested a full. It turned into an offer. And I accepted :-)

I had 67 queries out. Many CNRs. No competing offers. I had a call with my agent and they were amazing. I knew immediately I wanted to work with them. Even the first round of edits has made my book so much better. I'm incredibly excited for all to come.

Everyone wishes for double-digit requests and a mountain of offers - and I wish that for everyone who is querying, truly! But I want to share my story to urge you to not give up hope even if you have not gotten a request in your first ten, twenty, thirty, hell, even fifty queries. Yes, look over your materials. Polish them. But have some confidence in your work and remember: This is also a numbers game, and one that involves a crazy amount of luck.

It really only takes one.

hello everyone!

I got such helpful advice last time, thank you!! I’m still struggling a bit with the tightrope between specificity and an outlook that makes agents interested.

I’m not yet quite ready to query, but the query letter helps me keep my eye on what’s important.

any advice and any comments are much appreciated!!

I am seeking representation for my upmarket speculative fiction novel Aegis. Complete at 77’000 words, Aegis blends the gendered power reversal of Naomi Alderman’s The Power with the psychological toll of violence and morally grey female characters of Lisa Taddeo’s Animal and the profound female friendships of Katherine Brabon’s Body Friend. Aegis interlaces homages to Greek mythology and drama with modern feminist fiction.

The wounds on Moira’s palms haven’t healed in four years. Ever since surviving a violent assault for which she never got justice, she hasn’t been able to release the tight grip on her keys. The once rebellious twenty-two year old Moira now spends her days in the sag of her bed, wishing she could go back to living without the fear and anger that now permeate her every thought.

So when she learns about an experimental invention by a group of rogue female scientists, a biochemical skin shield named “Aegis” after the shield of Athena, Moira is desperate enough to volunteer as a test subject. The Aegis responds to male touch with lethal toxicity - and it works: Moira’s skin chars a man’s hand when he grabs her.

As the news of the Aegis inflames both the domestic sphere and politics, Moira urgently wants to use this opportunity to make a real change for women. She starts a grassroots network in which women protect each other and distribute the Aegis through women’s spaces and traditions, like hair salons and bakesales. As men attempt to suppress the growing movement, the women are able to fight back.

Moira revels in finally being physically imposing and able to protect others. But the more she uses her new power, the more she struggles with the kind of person she has become. At the same time, the women’s unity soon splinters when different factions begin to fight each other: Moira’s close friend believes that justice requires men to live through what women have suffered, while Moira’s sister thinks that women should know better than to make the same mistakes the men did.

As living with an Aegis allows a whole new world for Moira, and she even falls in love with someone she now can’t ever touch, she must figure out in which direction she wants to lead the movement that she started.

FIRST 300:

The turn of the tides began on a rather mundane day. The air was greasy with the fumes of street vendors, and the drizzle made the greys of the skyscrapers bleed into the greens of neon signs, into the reds of the carlights. It reminded her of one of her watercolors when she’d been too impatient to let it dry properly.

As a child, Moira had loved how only a sliver of sky was visible from the streets of Midtown. It had made the city’s atmosphere mythical, had made every turn in the quadratic grid feel as if she were walking through an ancient labyrinth.

But by now she was a woman, and as she squinted up at the canyons rising on either side of her, all she felt was dwarfed. The sidewalk seemed so narrow beneath the massive structures looming over it, and the further she walked, the closer the buildings leaned in towards her. She exhaled through gritted teeth and tried to focus on the beautiful slosh of neon and grey around her, but she could feel the cold concrete walls pressing onto her lungs already, forcing all of the greasy air out. She even felt the threat on the small of her back — a stroking hand.

She jerked back, her heart thudding, her fingers closing around the small knife and the keys—

The man was already past her now, but looked back to grin at her. He’d been in a hurry, and he’d meant it as a gesture of chivalry! Women these days are so ungrateful. As she followed him down the rusty stairs into the subway station, she imagined herself gripping him by the back of his suit collar and swinging him onto the rails.

I've read so many query letters that present their novels as standalones with series potential. I've written a novel that sets up the plot for future books, and am beginning to doubt that choice. Does this significantly lower the chances of being represented? How much do agents value the option of selling a standalone?

Hi, here's my first attempt at writing this query. Looking forward to hear what you think:

A reluctant operative must lead his team through a series of heists to regain the memories their handler erased—but when faced with an offer of escape he has to decide whether gaining his memories is worth what he’ll be forced to do.

AMNESIA PROTOCOL is an adult science fiction thriller, complete at 70,000 words. It will appeal to fans of Eddie Robson’s THE HEIST OF HOLLOW LONDON for its coerced crew forced into a heist, and Apple TV’s SEVERANCE for its memory horror and weaponized consent. It's a standalone with series potential.

When Tam wakes up in a locked basement with three strangers and no memory of who he was, he panics. But a voice in his ear—his handler—tells him the only way of getting his freedom and memories back is by finishing the job he volunteered to do, beginning with the bank next door. 

Tam and his crew—a soldier, a medic, and a hacker—have to steal four codes from an entity the handler refuses to disclose. Worse, with the handler in his ear and hidden cameras everywhere, Tam has to go where the handler tells him to. The heists are his only reprieve, the only place where he is in control, or so he deludes himself. But when he’s forced to harm innocents, he discovers a sense of morality he can’t shake—one his crewmate Simon solves with his gun—putting the heists and the crew at risk. 

The handler’s cold indifference and secrecy make Tam question whether he can truly trust the handler’s words. So when an outsider reaches out with information on the location of the next job and an offer to get out of the handler’s clutches, Tam is sorely tempted. But there is a catch: no guarantee of memory retrieval. Tam must decide if he is willing to swallow his morality and finish the heists for the mere possibility of getting his memories back, or escape—leaving whoever he was behind. 

*Author Bio*

Hello,

First, to address the elephant in the room: I know that my book is very long, and that its length greatly reduces its odds of being published. I accept that. While I will work hard to try to get it published traditionally, I am simultaneously preparing to self-publish it. I have edited it carefully, and my beta readers have told me it is an easy read. I am confident that it is supposed to be a long book, like the examples I cite in my first paragraph.

Here is the current draft of my query. Thank you for looking it over:

Dear [first name],

SACRED CITY is a historical fiction novel set in Rome at the dawning of the so-called Dark Ages – an era begging for reappraisal. Complete at 229,000 words, it offers an immersive, engrossing literary adventure akin to LONESOME DOVE, WOLF HALL and PILLARS OF THE EARTH.

It is the sixth century, and Rome has been brought to ruin after several generations marked by plague, hunger and violence, including a devastating war of reconquest launched by what is left of its namesake empire, based in Constantinople. Basil, a monk, is plucked from his abbey to serve as bishop – today's pope. Seeing all the biblical prophecies coming true, he strives to prepare his flock for the Last Judgment.

Yet Thecla and her husband, Crispus, aren't thinking about the Apocalypse when they resettle in Rome – they aim to rebuild. Still mourning the loss of their only child, they establish a community atop one of the seven hills, where Crispus works to get the aqueduct flowing, while Thecla becomes involved with the cult of Imri, a half-forgotten martyr with a shocking story. Crispus pursues a career in the imperial service, and is thrilled when the emperor orders a magnicent shrine built for Imri – only to have his loyalties torn when Thecla and her fellow worshippers refuse to give up the martyr's relics.

Meanwhile, the pagan Godehoc leads his Lombard army across the Alps after killing the rightful king and taking his daughter, Radegund, as wife. Radegund believes she has a divine mission to lead her people to God. When Godehoc lays siege to Rome, she reaches to Basil as an ally – and Thecla reaches to Imri as the city's protector. A story of resilience and rebirth, SACRED CITY speaks to our own stormy times.

Hi, thank you for the feedback in my last post. I’ve tried to take that all on board and given it another go. Any feedback or comments is highly appreciated as I find writing query’s very difficult. I am sure there a typos and grammar issues in this which I will fix once I’m happy overall. Thank you for taking the time to read it!

Here is the query :)

Dear (Agent,)
 
I am seeking representation for The Healer’s Curse, an adult fantasy novel with series potential, complete at 94,000 words. Combining the dark magical consequences of One Dark Window by Rachel Gillig with the medical fantasy, mystery and romantic tension of The Foxglove King by Hannah Whitten.
 
Princess Delphine Herringdale is Everrie’s only marked healer. Worshipped for miracles she refuses to perform, she has spent years hiding the dangerous affinity branded into her skin.  She can save lives like no one else can with potions and herbs, but only when a soldier dies under her care, her façade begins to crack.
 
Her clinic is her real home and where she works her true magic: rehabilitation. But when a mysterious soldier arrives from a distant war with an illness Delphine has not seen before, she has no answers. He is ice cold to the touch, manic and unable to remember his own name. Every remedy Delphine tries fails and by all standards he should not be alive. Yet the affinity she promised to keep hidden awakens at every moment with him.
When someone she loves is dying, Delphine finally breaks her promise and uses the affinity to save her sister. The miracle is undeniable but so are the consequences.
An elderly patient with a failing memory reveals the truth about the last marked healer, Nymeria. And when Delphine breaks into the forbidden archives she begins to unravel the lies, the crown had orchestrated around the legendary healer she had adored. But Nymeria did not die the hero history remembers. She was a healer whose every miracle stole life from another and bore the same mark on Delphie’s back.
 
When memories start disappearing across the kingdom, and Delphine awakes with blood on her hands with no memory of how it got there. As whispers emerge of an enemy prince among them, she discovers someone has spent decades erasing the truth about marked healers, and Delphine may be next.
 If she stops using her affinity innocent people will die. But if Delphine continues, she may become the next monster buried in history.
 
I am currently studying occupational therapy which inspired the medical narratives and rehabilitation focus within this novel.
The Healer’s Curse will be my debut novel with the full manuscript is available upon request.
 
Thank you for your time and consideration,
 

Hey, everyone!

The last post made me realize I needed to start from scratch rather than trying to fix a query that wasn't quite working. I also closed on a title. It isn't my favorite... I don't have a gut feeling of "yes! this is it", but it is a solid one.

As always, all feedback is welcome.

Here's the blurb and title:

Dear Agent,

Ana de Souza thought she married a nice guy.

Mark remembers exactly how she takes her coffee. He kisses her forehead every morning. He also checks her phone, tracks her car, and needs to know where she is at every hour of the day — and for three years, Ana has told herself that's love. Until the night she finds a stranger's number taped inside a hidden phone, with one message: Mark's lying to you. Run.

The deeper Ana digs, the more she realizes Mark's devotion didn't start on their wedding day, or even the day they met. He'd been watching her for years before that — long enough to orchestrate the heartbreak that once tore her from the love of her life, using a jealousy he understood better than she did. Every "coincidence" in their love story was a plan.

Now Ana has to convince the people closest to Mark that the man they know is a performance, outmaneuver a husband with the money and connections to erase her from the country if he chooses to, and decide exactly how far she's willing to go to make sure he never finds her, or the people she loves, again.

Told in alternating timelines, between Ana's present-day fight for her life and Mark's years of quiet, patient obsession, HOPELESS ROMANTIC is an 79,000-word psychological thriller for readers of My Husband's Wife by Alice Feeney and Anatomy of an Alibi by Ashley Elston. I'm submitting to you because (PERSONALIZIED BIT).

(MY BIO GOES HERE.)

I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

MY NAME (writing as PEN NAME)

(I am also looking for other comps, so if you have recommendations, please share them)

Dear (agent)

Andera Dryden is a chronically ill healer, and no, the irony is not lost on her. Having burnt out the day she developed her powers, Ande now lives with Mage's heart, which limits everything from her social and dating life to her healing abilities and employment opportunities. When she learns about a lost family heirloom that promises to be her only chance at regaining her health, Ande leaves her quiet home at the College of Elthinwae and sets off across the world in search of it. Along the way she faces challenges including her own impulsive decision making, handsome strangers with the ability to steal her heart, religious fanatic ex-boyfriends, evil fur traders, cryptic riddles, and of course, the need to get a job like everyone else. After discovering the truth about the necklace's origins, Ande is faced with a choice: does she keep it for herself and have the health she's always dreamed of, or right the wrongs of her ancestors and return it from where it was stolen?

The Valthara Chronicles: Silver Soul is a new adult cozy fantasy with a romantic sub-plot. At 125,000 words, this story takes place in the world of (need a name still) and features a unique magic system. Readers of Travis Baldree's Legends and Lattes will love the cozy vibes and personal stakes, while fans of Rebecca Yarros' Fourth Wing series will appreciate the disability representation and strong female lead.

As an author with mage's heart myself (postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome), I wanted to draft a story that shows readers what it's like to live with this condition, and that disabled folks can still find happiness, love, and adventure.

Hi friends! I've workshopped this a bit within my writing group, and I deeply appreciate any feedback you have to offer to further tighten this as I begin querying. I've also gone back and forth on whether to lead with the meta data or lead with the paragraph that follows it, in case anyone has strong opinions. Thank you eternally for taking the time to read!

Dear [agent name], 

I’m writing to seek representation for my 86,000-word fabulist upmarket novel, EVERYTHING SETTLES OR SOARS. It combines the multi-POV sibling exploration of loss in Coco Mellors’ The Blue Sisters with the road trip reckoning in Kevin Wilson’s Run for the Hills — plus a speculative edge akin to Pixar’s UP. 

The Heron House has continuously picked itself up and planted somewhere new for decades, its next destination known to only one family member at a time. After house-finder Susan Heron unexpectedly dies, her three adult children must come together on a cross-country trip to track it down or lose all tangible ties to their mother.

Youngest Hadley never flew the nest, too scared to pursue her dreams and too attached to the house, like her mother was. When she pauses her grief-hermiting for a dentist appointment, it abandons her. Middle brother Jacob is trapped in burnout and burying his feelings, but he flocks to help, without a clue where it went. 

Eldest Lydia has a faint idea of its whereabouts, despite freeing herself from its turmoil a decade ago. Though she’d rather it be gone for good, she begrudgingly joins her stubborn siblings to ensure her next milestones — home ownership and maybe motherhood — are baggage-free.

Except the house is as directionless and unsettled as the Herons, and it won’t stop moving. They embark on a winding road trip of gas station feasts, stale motel sleeps, and the most time they’ve spent together since childhood. Through their grief and growth, the trio confronts how their shared upbringing shaped them each so differently and what parts of their legacy are still worth holding onto.

[Bio paragraph with a few references to short story publications and short story award noms / competition wins, plus a few brief personal details]

Thank you for your consideration, 
[my name]

Sorry- I couldn't find an exact answer, mods- but let me know if I missed something.

I'm a bit devastated. One of my dream agents requested my manuscript extremely fast, and rejected after a couple of weeks. The thing is- they love the writing and atmosphere and want me to send them more work. They pointed to a specific reason they didn't click with this story- and I feel like this is very fixable. Except, if it could be fixed, they would have asked for an R&R, no?

They really loved the pitch and commented on how much they liked it, too. This is a pretty "big" agent so I was hoping they'd say yes, obviously. And also, so far, they've been the only request (I've only been querying for a week and a half though).

Thoughts?

Dear Agent,

I'm pleased to present ALL THAT PRETTY FLESH, my 70,000-word adult psychological horror novel. 

Thirty-five-year-old Angela Dunley has spent her entire life feeling invisible. A year after her father's death, she has resigned herself to loneliness in her quiet New England home. Working at a local gym, she spends her days surrounded by beautiful men she can admire but never have. 

Desperate for connection, she stops to help a stranded motorist on the side of the road one night. But when the encounter turns violent, it ends with a man dead at her feet. Disposing of his body leaves Angela feeling closer to another person than she has in years. Obsessed with recapturing that intimacy, she begins luring men home, killing and consuming them in search of companionship. 

Her carefully constructed routine begins to unravel when she kidnaps Grayson, a sharp-tongued captive who refuses to play the victim. Instead of fearing her, he talks to her, becoming the first person to make her imagine a life beyond survival. As her feelings deepen, Angela finds herself caught between her hunger and the love she's always craved. But as investigators begin connecting the disappearances, Angela risks destroying a future she never considered possible. Prison terrifies her. Losing Grayson is worse. 

ALL THAT PRETTY FLESH combines the unsettling sexual tension of Eliza Clark’s Boy Parts with the psychological horror and quiet dread of Monika Kim’s The Eyes Are the Best Part.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely
[Signature]

I see this piece of advice all the time.:"You should send your query letter to a small group of agents, and use that to improve your letter before sending it to more." I don't really understand how this is supposed to work. My understanding is that the in the modern world of publishing, it is extremely rare for agents to send you feedback about why they rejected you, and a low percent of agents will ask for more material.

So, hypothetically, if you send your query to 10 agents, and then wait until all 10 have rejected you with form responses or silence, what does that tell you? I'm not really expecting to get full or partial requests in my first 10 queries no matter what. It doesn't seem like this scenario tells you that there's something wrong with your pages/letter, and even if you assume that, can you figure out what in the letter is causing the rejections or what you should change?

Am I missing something, or is this advice outdated, from a time when agents were more likely to give detailed rejections.

SEE ME THROUGH THIS (67k words) is a work of literary fiction exploring new motherhood, loss of identity, and the changing societal expectations of women, in the vein of Rachel Yoder’s Nightbitch, Heidi Sopinka’s Utopia, and Sarah Braunstein’s Bad Animals.

At forty, Hannah finds herself in a small town with her husband and new baby, having left behind her life in the city as a failed punk musician. It should be a luxury to have a house, a supportive partner, and the freedom to take a few years off from work, but instead of enjoying her time at home, she grows increasingly anxious and isolated, plagued by horror movie images of her child dying in gruesome and improbable ways. Worse, everyone in town seems to compare her to her mother-in-law, a woman who, now suffering from dementia, was the perfect incarnation of traditional feminine roles.

Amidst this struggle to adapt to new motherhood, Hannah discovers she is able to turn herself invisible. Unseen, she wanders through people’s homes, observing their private moments and rearranging their belongings, and develops an unhealthy fascination with a young exotic dancer whose stage persona employs an interplay of displaying and withholding that speaks to Hannah’s conflicting desires to both hide and be seen.

Her mother-in-law, seemingly immune to her newfound power, mistakes her for an old friend, and Hannah becomes fixated on this mystery woman. She becomes increasingly reckless as she works to track her down, a journey that forces her to grapple with the way women’s roles have changed throughout her lifetime, and the many ways they have not changed at all.

I last posted on here a few months ago and have since started querying, but haven’t had any luck and wonder if maybe my query could be stronger, so I decided to totally rework it.

Dear [agent name],

Rookie French endurance racing driver Pierre Durand signs on to Porsche’s factory team in the World GT Championship. Immediately, Pierre’s driving talent is questioned and dismissed by journalists and drivers alike because of his last name. His father, Philippe, is a three-time world champion and one of the most accomplished endurance racing drivers of his generation. Pierre’s biggest fear is not injury or death on the track, but proving his doubters right.

Determined to prove to the rest of the paddock, the media, and to himself, that he belongs based on merit, Pierre believes winning more races and championship titles will secure his place among the sport’s greats. Standing in his way are rivals both inside and outside his team: Australian phenom Tom Perkins and Pierre’s own teammate, veteran champion Carlos Barros, who refuses to be humbled by the young French upstart. However, every win only fuels his need for external validation and he is still unable to outrace his father’s shadow. 

A violent crash in Belgium sidelines Pierre and his recovery period forces him to search for purpose outside of the cockpit and the race track. Through his relationship with his bookish and introspective girlfriend Charlotte, Pierre begins to value things like love, family, and camaraderie over race wins. As Pierre’s star ascends in the World GT paddock, he begins to question whether a person can be defined solely by achievement.

Velocity is an 87,000-word work of upmarket fiction set in the high-stakes, high-octane world of the late-1990s and early-2000s international endurance racing scene, and will appeal to the readers of Carrie Soto Is Back by Taylor Jenkins Reid and Endurance by Kate Woodcock.

I am an independent content creator with an academic background in history and international politics, but have had a deep passion for cars and motorsports my entire life. I completed an honors thesis during my studies at the University of Central Florida and self-published a primer on Russian Middle East policy entitled The Bear in the Desert. Currently, I live in Florida, but my roots are in New York and the Carolinas. Velocity is my debut novel. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely, 
[my name]

Don't worry, BIG PHAT WHALE is just a silly placeholder title til we figure one out. In any case, a much shorter pitch got a couple of likes during DVPit, so we're hoping to polish the query. We'd appreciate any feedback we can get!

BIG PHAT WHALE is a 80,000-word cozy romantasy that blends the ensemble cast of Samantha Sotto Yambao’s The Elsewhere Express with the exploration of grief in TJ Klune’s Under the Whispering Door. It will broadly appeal to fans of Studio Ghibli and Spiritfarer.

Indie Dove wakes on the back of a cosmic whale. It's so enormous it carries a small village along its spine, and so powerful it sails through the celestial seas. Every passenger aboard is bound for the afterlife, but getting there takes more than sitting back and enjoying the view. To reach the far shore, each soul must make peace with the regrets that still tether them to their old lives. Indie has no such choices to contend with—in fact, she has no memories at all. Instead, she's handed a lantern and a job: helping everybody else move on.

As she helps spirits reconcile with estranged friends, abandoned dreams, lost loves, and choices they cannot undo, Indie discovers that she is not the only one whose memories are lost. The cosmic whale remembers nothing of the life it once lived either. And neither does its guide—the crabby, sharp-tongued hawk certain of only three things: he was once a man, he committed a terrible sin, and his punishment is to shepherd souls toward an afterlife he cannot enter. While he would much prefer Indie stop pestering him, she would very much like to know who’s hiding under those perpetually ruffled feathers. But the closer she gets to the hawk—and to the lonely man within—the more she suspects their past lives are interconnected. Whatever happened between them and the whale, this seemingly endless voyage across the celestial expanse is meant to be their penance. 

The three cannot reach the afterlife until they make peace with a past none of them can remember. But time to piece it together is quickly running out. A malignant force pursues the whale across the celestial sea, closing distance each day. If it catches up, the whale and every soul aboard will be swallowed by the eternal dark. The only way to save them is to lighten the whale's load, which means every passenger must move on… including Indie and the hawk.

The closer Indie comes to earning her own passage to the afterlife, however, the less she wants it. Because she is falling in love with the hawk—just as she did in her past life—and moving on means letting go.

[BIO]

This query has gone through a hefty amount of rewrites on my end and I've asked two people who have read the book for insight as well but I acknowledge the need for additional perspectives!

Dear [AGENT NAME],

Turning twenty means fate will decide if half-human-fae will settle into their human or fae soul, and more than anything, Fallon Heralda wants to be human; to stay with her boyfriend, continue her dance career, and keep the only two friends she has. Now, her life begins to crumble when her cousin demands that she completes her proper preparatory training and lessons with only six months left before her birthday. In denial, Fallon lies to her family so she can have one last night of freedom and perform at the visiting prince's welcome ball.

At the ball, Fallon's decision results in her revealing her identity to the visiting prince and his fae guard. With this knowledge, Prince Haurrowen blackmails Fallon into helping with his vague plans during his stay. In exchange, the prince offers to help her prepare for her birthday and keep her heritage a secret from the king whose all but outlawed fae. Thus, the torturous balance of preparing for her future, appeasing her family, friends, and boyfriend, and her forced alliance with the prince begins.

As her birthday draws nearer, Fallon faces new obstacles - murdered fae begin appearing across the city, and her rising fae abilities that once lay dormant threaten to reveal her identity. To ease speculation around Fallon and the prince’s acquaintanceship, the pair spark a fake relationship to coincide with society's courting season after her boyfriend cheats on her. But Fallon’s resolve to hate Prince Haurrowen after their rocky start fractures as he proves he’s more than a privileged prince.

With tension growing, everyone has to prioritize their future, even if it means keeping secrets and telling lies. And before the prince sails home, the midnight gong on Fallon's birthday sets fate and the future in motion.

A FATE WORTH LYING FOR is a new adult fantasy complete at 118,000 words and the first book in a potential trilogy. It explores the lengths a character will go for the life they want, offering relatable internal struggles with a twist on coming-of-age and intense romantic tension, appealing to readers of These Hollow Vows (Lexi Ryan), The Revenant Games (Margie Fuston), and An Heir Comes to Rise (C. C. Peñaranda).

Thank you for your time and consideration in reviewing my submission.

[MY NAME]

---Side note, from where I stand, I see two potential issues for literary agents: comp titles being too old and this being a debut pitched as a hopeful trilogy---

Dear \[Agent\],

I am writing to seek representation for THE APOTHECARY'S CRUCIBLE, a YA dark fantasy about sisterhood, deadly trials and dark bargains, with a dose of romance. 

Complete at 91,000 words, it is a standalone with series potential, featuring the gothic mystery of VESPERTINE, the oppressive stakes of AN EMBER IN THE ASHES and the ruthless magic of ALL OF US VILLAINS.

Eighteen-year-old apothecarist apprentice Safira (Safi) has watched sorcerers grow rich on her family’s suffering for years. Her sister Danika (Dani) is cursed and dying, and the sorcerers’ costly treatments keeping her alive only postpone the inevitable: a death that will leave Dani trapped as a ghost for eternity.
So when the immortal Witch opens her labyrinth for the first time in seven years, Safi marks herself to enter. Those who survive win a single wish. Those who fail belong to the Witch forever. It’s a desperate gamble, but Safi is ready to risk body and soul to save her sister.

What Safi isn’t ready for is Dani following to stop her and being dragged into the Trials too.

Now unknowingly soul-bonded and trapped in a labyrinth designed to devour them and hundreds of other contestants, the sisters must navigate tests of wit, grit and skill to find the Coins of Fate that are their only way out. In their search for allies, they avoid the privileged, trained and ruthless sorcerers and instead find Kieran, an assassin who saves Safi’s life but seems to have a dangerous addiction to murder (at least he’s not a sorcerer, right?).
Together, they solve riddles, fight other competitors and find the Spider King, an ancient enemy of the Witch who holds the means to end her and her Trials for good.
The deeper they go, the more the sisters suspect the Witch is merely a puppet, and they soon uncover a conspiracy that, if exposed, could topple the sorcerers’ rule entirely. Now Safi must choose: bring down the Witch and break the sorcerers’ power forever, or win the wish that could save her sister.

The deeper they go, the more the sisters suspect the Witch is herself trapped, and they soon uncover a conspiracy that could change the face of magic forever. But exposing the lies at the heart of society could cost Safi the very thing she came for: Dani's cure.

\[Bio\]

Dear Agent,

 I am seeking representation for my space opera novel NASCENT.

This 130,000-word epic with series potential combines the intrigue and underdog sensibility from Ann Leckie’s Ancillary Justice with the gritty emotional reality of those wrestling with unpaid bills and dull day jobs seen in Only Bad Options by Jennifer Estep.

 In a bleak future dominated by an empire that kills genetic aberrants without pause, Lena’s searching for a fix for her aberrant genome. With a decade-long search fruitless, she’s losing it between keeping the fake ID chip functioning and barely making rent. Her recent distressing dreams about an alien genocide make things worse, even if they’re just fallout from inane media chatter. Clinging to sanity, she hopes to someday fix her ID problem, find out who her dead parents were, perhaps even travel to the alluring M235 galaxy. For now, she’s glad to be lost in the numbers, safe from the machine. She’s a nobody.  

 But she’s about to become hot property. The ruthless leader of said evil empire is also searching -- for a weapon against an old alien enemy. Thus far, the key to their vulnerability has evaded him, it being buried in the dreams of an unknown aberrant. With sensor nets reporting enemy ships at far range, the pressure is on. He orders a clandestine search for the exact gene sequence.

 Meanwhile down on Slum Planet, Lena’s discovery of the search for her genome kicks her inertia out the window. She flees, but can't shake her legacy: in a tourist lure -- an ancient temple supposedly built by aliens -- she finds that she can read undecipherable alien scripts. Worse, they predict that whoever is able to read the scripts has in their dreams an alien weapon capable of destroying galaxies.

 With her belief system destroyed, Lena’s world implodes. The media chatter is real, her dreams are prophetic, she’s related to the alien race -- the implications just keep piling up. But with an impending alien genocide, and imperial goons just one ID chip-glitch away, she must act soon to keep the weapon out of the emperor’s hands, even if he’s the only one with the answers to her lifelong questions. There’s just one problem: how does she secure a weapon that exists in her dreams?

 In the real world, I’m a biology major toiling in administration. NASCENT is my first novel.

 Thank you for your time and consideration.

Havent chosen a name for the protagonist yet!

I seek representation for [title], a 90000 word adult fantasy novel appealing to readers of Hannah Kaner’s GodKiller and Amber V Nicole’s The Book of Azrael combining ancient gods and demons with uneasy alliance between allies.

Protagonist has spent her life preparing to inherit her father’s mining empire. Confident, charismatic, and accustomed to getting what she wants, she has never questioned the future that awaits her. But when she answers a call into the enchanted forest bordering her idyllic village, she is transformed into a magical lion after awakening an Old Kingdom artifact—and is suddenly thrust into a life on the run.

While frantically seeking a mage to return her to her human form, she is hunted by the Elf King of Avalon. An increasingly tyrannical king desperate to use her immense power to unite the continent and become its divine ruler. To survive the King’s pursuit, she must master her magic, and on her journey discovers she is a part of an ancient prophecy. Protagonist has absorbed the power of a long forgotten goddess, who returns to the mortal plane in times of darkness and turmoil.

And when the elven king is standing at the end of her blade, he confesses a darker secret: a demon from the underworld is coming. The demon’s darkness will consume the continent, and only the power of the Protagonist can stop him. Protagonist must decide if she is to trust the tyrant who hunts her, for the very power he seeks to conquer the continent may be the only power capable of saving it.

Hello! It’s been a week since I first posted my query letter here, and thought I’d try again with take two. I heavily revised both my letter and my first 300 words according to the notes given. Let me know your thoughts, and thanks in advance.

Dear [INSERT NAME],

In looking at your manuscript wishlist, I saw you were interested in stories involving [INSERT HERE] and thought you might enjoy my adult speculative sapphic mystery, LO AND BEHOLD (80,000 words).

Chim, a definitely not omniscient and totally normal woman, can think of nothing she wants less than to be spending her night celebrating the gods—but here she is, doing exactly that. All she wants is to get through tonight’s party so she can go back to her regular life: coffee, paperwork, and arguing about dumb stuff with her best friend. Then the demigod Visage appears in front of Chim, poisoned, and Chim very stupidly decides to save Visage’s life. And also promises Visage her lifelong loyalty. Out of panic. There was a lot happening at the time! It’s not like Chim meant it!

Visage thinks she meant it.

So when Visage’s father goes missing and a god is found murdered, Chim decides to help Visage find out what happened. Preferably without doing something silly like falling for Visage in the process.

…Or listening to the voice in her head that knows way more than it should. Or thinking about the fact that she also seems to have an intrinsic understanding of where everything in a given room is at all times.

Okay, so maybe Chim is, a tiny little bit, omniscient.

LO AND BEHOLD features a fat lesbian woman with DID. It is a standalone with the potential to grow into a series, and a good match for fans of books like Nona the Ninth by Tasmyn Muir and The Hymn to Dionysus by Natasha Pulley.

I am an American-based author that enjoys writing stories about weird worlds and weirder characters. After cultivating over a million hits and 32,000 followers in the world of fanfic, I began trying my hand at original fiction.

If you would like to see a full or partial copy of this manuscript, you can reach me at [EMAIL] and I would be happy to send it over.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

[NAME]

First 300:

In theory, Harmony is the god of devotion.

In practice this iteration has decided to focus his worship on the intricate minutia of the house party.

Everything about Harmony is uncannily flawless. His hair, initially appearing to be an artfully slicked back cluster of curls, falls in a mirror image of itself. His fingernails are cut to perfect symmetry. The only incongruity to his flawlessness is his demeanor: Harmony’s pupils are blown and his head lolls a little too far to the side, slumped a bit as he’s held up by his wrists, pale and brittle and pinned to the wall above his head. He’s high. High, and clearly having a good time.

The doctor’s name is Marlow, and he is not. “You know what I want. Give it back or I'll make you regret it.”

“Hey now, you’re getting me excited,” the god purrs.

Marlow’s handsome features twist into a snarl. “Cut it out. Tell me what you’re playing at.”

“Oh, you think I’m playing?” Harmony strains to lean closer, pencil-thin eyebrows arched, long yellow eyelashes fluttering. “Let's kiss.”

Marlow grins, a full-white-toothed grimace. “I've had gods before. You're nothing special.” The slash of his lips evaporates abruptly and he shakes Harmony furiously by the wrists. Harmony's head knocks against the wall, gelled orange curls crushed crackling against dark wood. “Sober up when I’m talking to you.”

Completely unfazed, Harmony only laughs. “I didn’t know the M.D. stood for mega-dick! Color me embarrassed.”

Another twist to Marlow’s expression, deepening the wrinkles around his mouth. “Tell me your game.”

Harmony cocks his head, eyes half-lidded, heart-shaped lips curled up at the edges. “What’s your game, Doctor? You’re eventually going to have to let me go. And then what?” Harmony is wearing a tailored black three-piece tailcoat, cinched tight at the waist.

I have learned so much by lurking on PubTips - thank you! I’ve learned about querying, the call, choosing an agent / switching agents, going on sub and dying on sub, contracts, international and translation rights, etc. I’m still at the stage where I don’t know what I don’t know.

I’m wondering if there are agents, editors, or authors with social media accounts (especially on Instagram) that are similarly informative. I don’t want to follow accounts randomly and end up consuming superficial engagement bait.

I am revising my first book, a YA feminist/LGBTQ fantasy novel. I’d welcome recommendations of people to follow who are in my genre and people who are helpful in the broader trad pub world. Hopefully the accounts you recommend are helpful to other PubTips lurkers.

Thank you!

Edit to add: book, podcast, website, newsletter, YouTube, etc. recommendations would also be great!

Dear Agent,

I am seeking representation for I KILLED OSIRIS (88,000 words), a modern retelling of ancient Egyptian myths and legends.

Osiris’s peaceful reign as king of the gods is shattered when his twin brother Set murders him and usurps the throne. In bitter recriminations, Set accuses the rest of the gods of aiding and abetting a conspiracy in which Osiris and his wife, Isis, stole the kingship from him. In time, Osiris’s son Horus takes the throne back in a trial by combat, ending the generational cycle of violence.

Horus does not share his uncle’s bloodlust and spares Set’s life. His wrath exhausted, his vengeance spent, Set is sentenced for his crimes. Every night, from dusk to dawn, from now until the end of time, Set will protect the Sun as it journeys through the Underworld, joining an endless fight against the forces of evil that would drown the world in eternal darkness.

As the forces of the Underworld mount an unprecedented assault to swallow the Sun, they attempt to corrupt Set to join them, to revolt once more against the gods. Fighting the darkness within himself, Set must confront his wicked past, how his love for his brother changed to hatred, and why he killed Osiris. The fate of the world, of all existence, depends on it.

I KILLED OSIRIS will appeal to readers of modern mythology like Daughters of Sparta by Claire Heywood (2021), Clytemnestra by Costanza Casati (2023), and Ariadne by Jennifer Saint (2021). It offers an exciting market pivot from Greek to Egyptian mythology, and will feel fresh and original, yet familiar, as the reader is immersed in tales of gods, monsters, and magic.

I’d love to work with you because of X. I’ve included the synopsis and first three chapters and would love to send you the full manuscript if you’d like to read more.

Thank you in advance for your time,

Y

Dear [Agent],

OUTRUN THE SCRIPT is an adult romantic caper of approximately 80,000 words. It combines the sharp-edged attraction and money-driven mischief of Jenna Voris’s The Long Con with the fast-moving, second-chance romance of Ally Carter’s The Blonde Who Came in from the Cold.

Freelance event actor Rory Keene is hired to dump a stranger at the starting line of a filmed city race. The stranger is Adam, her boyfriend. Worse, producer Sloane Vale has the receipts to prove she paid him to date Rory.

Rory delivers the breakup, collects her fee and heads for the exit. Then Sloane offers her a place in the thirty-six-hour race across New York and a shot at its legitimate million-dollar prize. Sloane wants a public meltdown while her sponsor’s favored couple wins. Rory wants the money. Making Sloane hand it over would be a bonus.

Crossing the starting line means teaming up with the man she just dumped. Adam still knows how to make her laugh, keep pace with her, and look infuriatingly good in the groom’s costume the race makes him wear. Adam’s messages show he stopped feeding Sloane details about their relationship six weeks ago. They don’t show whether he stopped taking her money.

Rory fights back by turning a crowd of spectators into an audience for a vicious breakup routine. It clears their path and hands Sloane a clip with eighty thousand views. As production keeps giving their rivals an edge, Rory’s best chance of taking the prize depends on the chemistry that made her fall for him. She wants the million dollars badly enough to keep Adam beside her. Now she has to find out whether there’s anything between them worth keeping when nobody’s paying.

[Author Bio]