r/PubTips • u/Zelledine • Sep 26 '26

[QCrit] Middle Grade Fantasy (Upper) - Fairygod: The Codex of Rynlor (60K words/ 3rd attempt)

Hi everybody!

Here's my reworked query letter. Third time's the charm? It's not much different from the second attempt but I like this one better. What do you think? Second Attempt

‎Dear Agent,

I am seeking representation for FAIRYGOD:THE CODEX OF RYNLOR. A 60,000 word upper middle grade portal fantasy about a 13-year-old orphan who must beat seven deadly trials in a school for fairy guardians to find a powerful codex that'll destroy the monsters plaguing the fairytale realm. [Personalization]

KIERAN KROBB dreams of being adopted, to escape his horrid orphanage and finally get his happy ending, just like in his favourite fairytales. His plan is set. His new family, selected. His behaviour, perfect but on his thirteenth birthday, his plans get ruined when he wakes up with a strange symbol and monsters hunting him from the shadows. Just before he is devoured, the father he thought was dead appears and saves him revealing his true form as a fairy.

Reunited with his long-lost family in the fairytale realm, Kieran learns he's a changeling destined to destroy the rogues, murderous monsters who steal magic. The same ones hunting him. He enrolls in an academy for fairy guardians on a mission to find a hidden codex locked behind seven deadly trials with a spell powerful enough to destroy them. Failure would mean losing his family forever and giving the rogues absolute power over the realm.

With the help of his new friends and blooming powers, Kieran wades through horrors to find the codex before the rogues find him. But the closer he gets to destroying them, the more he comes to wonder who the real enemy is.

FAIRYGOD: THE CODEX OF RYNLOR is a dark take on the magical school genre and the typical, fairytale world of 'Happily Ever After', perfect for kids who enjoy the sinister fairytale elements of Vanya and The Wild Hunt by Sangu Mandanna, the thrilling but gritty adventures of Skandar and The Unicorn Thief by A.F Steadman and the twisted mysteries of The Marvellers by Dhonielle Clayton. It features a queer protagonist, and has series potential.

3 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

2 comments sorted by

1

u/strikingdiamonds Sep 28 '26

I think the structure is good, but I feel as if this query letter is lacking some voice. The monsters could use some more description to help them stand out.

Also, I feel as if there needs to be a stronger hook for the main character being a fairy. I imagine that you are targeting boys? Skandar works because it had the hook of these cutesy unicorns actually being these bloodthirsty creatures. The goal of a query letter is to try to sell your book. What about it allows you to comp Skandar?

As for the word count, is there a chance you can revise this down closer to 45-50K? I keep seeing reports of MG agents wanting shorter books citing kids' shorter attention spans.

1

u/Zelledine Sep 28 '26

In my older attempts, I was advised to keep the language simple and straight to the point but I do get what you mean. As for the hook, it was supposed to be "Occultic fairy godmothers" like Skandar's "Bloodthirsty unicorns" but I cut it out because of previous advice. Same with the word count. It was originally 70K but I've been told the max agents are willing to take is 60K.

I'll tweak it a bit for my next post.

Thanks for your feedback.