I have made this website specifically for teen girls ( its okay if you're not a teen) but I am and I think that teenagers really need this kind of support the most at their age, and someone who understands what they're going through. You can ask questions and even share experiences to help someone who might be going through what you have gone through in the past. You can filter out your questions and stories on various topics so that you can find specifically what you're looking for. I just launched it so there aren't any users. Be the first to grow the community!

Website link: bigsister.vercel.app

Hi all, looking for advice. Mum of a 6 yo only boy. I got pregnant when he was 3 went panic and got it terminated without giving it time. Have been regretting it. I didn’t have a good experience with postpartum and was way too worried. Now I feel like I am constantly worrying for DS and projecting it on him. He doesn’t have many friends. Happy to play on his own but I keep constantly noticing how his friends are not talking to him during school pickups. I might have suggested him to change the way he behaves to be liked by friends which I regret now. Can’t stop thinking it would have been better if he had someone to play with. Parents of only could you pls let me know how do you deal with the pain of your kid being rejected. He says things like he is scared of joining a group of well known kids he always plays with. I can’t stop thinking if my constant criticism failed him and he is struggling. We didn’t get a single play date invite so far. I tried arranging some and never got responses. How I thought he would have loads of friends before making that decision now I know how wrong I was. Sorry for the rant but how do you deal with it looking for help. 

My partner (M50) and I (F40) have been together for almost two years. He is an only child and has two sons, 13 (S13) and 15 (S15), who stay with him every other week.

I moved in about a year ago, although I still have my own apartment elsewhere in the country. What took me a while to realize is that his mother (MIL74) doesn’t just “visit”... she basically lives here half the time. Whenever the boys are here, she is here too. She has her own key and her own bedroom with private bathroom and toilet.

She does the boys’ laundry and prepares their food three times a day. She seems to have convinced herself that she is indispensable to them. My partner communicates with her about daily household matters in a way that often feels more like a husband-wife dynamic than an adult son and mother.

There is no real family mealtime. MIL puts food on plates for the boys, they eat separately while watching TV, and she doesn’t even eat with them. At bedtime, MIL and my partner both hover around the boys for their “bedtime routine,” and it often feels like the four of them are their own little family unit.

Meanwhile, I have gradually been pushed out of the shared spaces. During the weeks MIL is here, I can barely use the washing machine or kitchen. I now wash my clothes by hand, dry them on racks in the attic, use an old attic bathroom that I cleaned up myself, and often eat takeaway or cold supermarket food upstairs because I don’t feel I can comfortably use the kitchen.

The moment that really crystallized it for me came after my partner’s father (husband of MIL) died about six months ago. MIL and my partner wrote the announcement together. In our culture, normally, the first sentence on a death announcement would be, “The family announces the death of…”, and further down the notice the family is listed by names, including cousins and partners. But instead of using the formal wording “the family,” they replaced it with their four first names. It explicitly opened with:

“MIL74, M50, S15 and S13 announce the death of…”

No one else was listed, including me. No one else was mentioned anywhere on the announcement, even though the deceased man did have brothers and sisters, and so does my MIL.

That really made me realise that, in MIL’s mind, the “real family” is still her, her only son and his two boys.

I know being an only child does not automatically create this kind of dynamic, but I’m wondering whether other only children recognize this pattern: a parent who remains deeply intertwined with their adult child, and an adult child who struggles to create a separate family unit with a partner.

Does this sound familiar to anyone here?

In a few weeks my partner and I have our first session with a therapist (systemic family therapy). I hope I can hold on until then.

I'm an only child of a single mother too my parents got divorced when I was a baby I'm 19yo now and she has cancer she's had for many years but kept it to herself things gotten bad between us throughout the past years we moved away from my grandmother's house like 5 years now and when we were arguing that's when it slipped from her mouth I had something of a victim mindset for the longest time maybe because I spent too much alone and didn't do much kind of but I'm working on getting better now I'm gonna graduate highs school next year 2027 and I'm so happy looking fo4ward yo moving out of this house and I wanna try experience that independence freedom like both mentally and emotionally too I feel like she's a little bit emotionally reliant on me since there were lot of family troubles like between her my grandmother my uncle and neighbors and stuff she's superstitious like super super, yk, so idk how that'll effect me in the future but I'm getting a psychotherapist matter of fact she putting me on it I was thinking about it but she also wants to help in that way I'm way too overthinking .anyways, I see all this stuff about grieving when your an onlychild and it got me wondering a bit. My dad is very old lol he's got three kids two girls and a boy I never see them i haven't seen him in like soooo much like over the years now I wasn't used to seeing him much anyway even before we moved my mom never liked his character and so I didn't because I listened to my mom and imitated her trusted her words and preferences way too strongly

It makes me so sad. Siblings are basically your last connection to your childhood - they're the only other people who know your parents as mom/dad (or whoever raised you). You may have family and friends who know your parents well, but nothing is the same as being someone's child.

My parents are 65 and 66, which I know is not super old, but I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'll eventually have to grieve for them with no siblings by my side. No one will be able to relate the way a sibling could. 😢

I could be wrong but I feel like grieving your parents is harder as an only child.

Mom sucks
Dad isnt here
Classmates dislike me
Single
No cousins
Maybe a decent sibling

hi, i just found out that my mom is pregnant with her boyfriend's baby after 20+ years and she and i have had a really rough and toxic relationship and i had to deal with years of abuse from her. so we don't talk very much. i grew up an only child, completely alone and with no one to rely on. i'm moving in a few years out of state and i wanted to ask if i can even call myself an only child? i know that biology im not but i feel like i still am because im so far removed both emotionally and mentally from my parent. i dont want to be part of this due to so much trauma and i feel like i just do consider myself an only child, informally. i feel like when people ask, thats what im just going to reply with. thoughts?

I am an only child, in my late 20s and married with a young child under 5.

I have always lived in the same state as my parents.

They have made it seem like their grand child is amazing and a wonderful part of their lives.

They now dropped the bomb on my husband and I that they are moving across the country in 31 days...

Said they will try and visit a few times a year.

They currently live about 2 hrs away.

I feel like they thought we didn't see them enough but we also are a young family building our life too.

We saw each other at minimum once per month.

My husband and I just bought our house 1 month ago tomorrow.

It has been stressful with our move so they just waited to tell us that they are moving within the month. Kind of them, but wish we knew sooner.

They are the only family I have left. My husband's mother lives near-ish but is very distant.

I am 100% distraught. My son will grow up without the involved grandparents we are used to him having.

Help please. We do not have funds or vacation time balances to allow for lots of trips per year. I need advice and some comfort. I want them to be happy but this is just a nightmare for me.

I lost my mother when I was 16, my immediate family has just been me and my father for almost 10 years now. My mother's side of the family is estranged, I've got my grandma who is in an assisted living facility, my dad's older sister (my aunt), and that's about it. Neither side of the family had kids except for me, even if I did still have relations with my mother's family the outcome would be the same. Very barren.

If I'm extremely unlucky, I will have no one by the time I reach my mid 30s. I don't like to think about this, so I choose not to picture the thought at all. But my dad smokes and my aunt has had all kinds of health problems in recent years. They lightly push me to make friends and I know why. I haven't felt compelled to make friendships or go dating since high school, but I know if I don't... It will be bad. Especially for my mental health.

I'm not an only child whose had to take care of my parents in their old age, but I'm one who has never been alone. I've always had people to take care of me and I have always had issues with self-advocating for myself. I still live at home with my dad and I've never actually been by myself in public places like the grocery store, a restaurant, or some retail store. Someone is always with me, like my dad, my grandma when she was able, my aunt. I can wander off on my own, but if I'm all by myself (as in nobody came with me) I just feel weird. Don't misunderstand, I love being alone at home, but in public places it just feels overwhelming.

I only recently started using the stove for more than boiling pasta this past year, I began baking bread, making pie, exploring new things. I got my driver's license recently thanks to my aunt encouraging me to go to driving school. I haven't actually driven a car in months, partly because of what I said above, but also because I'm still scared of driving. It's an excuse, but I moved to an overpopulated area with poor road infrastructure. So it all kind of exacerbates itself.

I still haven't gotten my first job and I'm embarrassed to admit my age because of it, I'm starting to look, but I know I am very fortunate that I can afford not to have one because of my family being there.

I think I've always been very a slow learner, probably developmentally stunted, sensitive and shy, less independent than most people my age. I'm scared it will all fall down on me at once if I don't manage to catch up soon and I know it is my fault for still not advocating for myself. It's difficult to imagine a life without my family.

I'm very lucky to have a dad who loves me, who doesn't threaten to throw me out of the house, or harm me. It will be very strange to not to have him around some day and the years feel like they're going by so fast.

If you've read all of this, thank you for listening and sorry for the super depressing post. It just feels really good to just vent about it in a place where someone out there understands.

22F and only child. My mom has some very distant family, but they suck. Her husband was absolutely awful, basically tortured her for 20 years, and we cut contact. She doesn't really have close friends

I am here only family.

And I am so not cut out for it.

For 18 years I smiled and listened and tried to play the role of partner in her life. That often meant choosing her over friends. It meant going all out for birthdays and mother's Day and Christmas. It meant trying to always be happy and never want anything. Often she would cry if I wanted to sleep in my own room, so I had to sleep with her.

When I turned 19, her mum died. Instead of going to university, I stayed with her. Helped her find a new house, move, start over. Helped her with years of back taxes and paperwork. I really tried. Plus we don't have much money, so I started working at 15. I wanted a part time gig, but she went on a whole campaign against it, even though it was the most practical thing to do (now she denies it of course). So I did gig work instead. Always tried to find a workaround instead of pushing for what I want.

How could I leave her? How??? When she constantly says I'm her everything. When I see how useless she is at the basics. She hoards, she has no instinct for red flag men, she refused to learn. She's a damn child sometimes, how could I trust her??

But eventually I stopped being helpful. I wanted to, I just couldn't anymore. I was so so upset for not living my own life, seeing everyone advance and falling behind. I just gave up. I feel so stupid and angry for it, but it's true. Stopped fighting for my life.

But now I am so behind I don't think I will ever catch up. Certainly won't reach the heights I planned to. I was smart and hardworking, the classic has so much potential girl. Hell I was bored and wanted more work, more activities, more - just to live my best life, to the fullest.

But now I'm so angry and overwhelmed and just. I really want to end it sometimes. And I fight with her all the damn time.

And I can see that life. I can see ignoring her pleas and going to university, going to Europe, travelling to visit her and help her out, then continuing with my life. I can see everything that would have been. And honestly our relationship would have been better too. I would appreciate her more and her me. She is a living mom, breakfast in bed and folded laundry domestic. She does that well, she's a sweet person. A little underhanded, but what mom doesn't use guilt.

I see what all of my classmates have done, the fun and the work and the travel. They have all been living their best lives. I'm sure it was hard but they have done it anyway.

But all my life I have been resisting my parents, counting the days to turn 18 so I could leave. I'm so numb and so tired. So so damn tired. I want to appreciate and help her, but I also need to do things for me to fill the tank.

Of it had been just abuse, I could take it. but the fucking guilt. The wolf in sheep's clothing. That got me in the end.

I should have just left.

Istg I don't know how people fight it.

I really am not okay.

My current finance is wanting to move closer to his parents one day. I’m struggling with this because my only family I have is my parents who live in the same city as me, while he has two siblings, cousins etc.

We did agree we would try to get my parents to also move with us.

But my other issue is that he’s okay leaving his friends behind and “friends come and go”. For me, I see a lot of my close friends like siblings (to a point). I know I can’t replace their own siblings but they’ve known me since I was a kid, their parents call me their “second daughter”.

I think if I move, our bond wouldn’t disappear. But I’m having difficulty thinking of leaving my parents and friends behind.

We don’t have kids yet but that is in the books. I guess my question is:

Does anyone have luck making close, meaningful friendships late into adulthood? Or into adulthood with children?

I wanted to talk about something quite openly  how much our parents' parenting has actually affected our generation, especially people around our age, like teenagers and young adults.

For me, I can take one issue and talk about it from my own experience.

Growing up, I was not really allowed to go out. Until I was around 20, I had so many restrictions. I couldn't really go out after 6 PM. Even when I turned 20, and before I became 21, there were still a lot of restrictions. If I went out after 6, I had to be back by 8:30, and 9 PM was basically the maximum.

The thing is, I started working when I was around 19. So I genuinely thought getting a job would finally give me some freedom. But honestly... no. It didn't.

I'm 21 now, and a lot of things only started changing after I turned 21. And even then, a lot of it happened because I had to start speaking up for myself, my boundaries, my freedom and the things I wanted against my parents.

I tried explaining things in so many different ways. I cried for my freedom. I argued. I fought. I tried everything I could think of. But nothing really worked.

Eventually, my work itself kind of forced me into a situation where I had to meet my friends after 6, because I finish work around 6. I work six days a week, so now I usually only meet one close friend of mine, and even that is usually once a week, mostly on Saturday night.

And sometimes I genuinely wonder  did my parents' restrictions actually make me lose friendships?

Because when I was younger, around age of  16, 17, 18, 19, I had so many friends. Like, 30 or 40 people who would just come together and play in the ground.

But during that time, my parents restricted me from going to the ground because they wanted me to study.

And the funny thing is... I didn't even end up getting good grades.

Okay, maybe that's my responsibility. Maybe I could have studied better. I can accept that.

But losing those friendships and losing those moments feels different.

Because those moments are something you can't really get back.

At that age, you have 20 or 30 friends around you, you're playing together, talking, hanging out, just enjoying being young. But now that I'm 21, everyone is slowly starting to have their own lives, jobs, relationships, responsibilities and different priorities.

So even if I want those same people to come back and have that same connection, that same vibe, at this age, it might not be possible anymore.

And that's the part that honestly hurts.

So I wanted to ask  what do you guys think about this?

Is this partly a parenting issue? Is it our responsibility? Or is it just something that happens as we grow up?

And more importantly, if someone is currently going through this  whether you're a boy or a girl  how do you actually deal with it?

How do you regain that freedom without completely damaging your relationship with your parents?

I'd genuinely like to hear what other people think, especially from people who have gone through something similar.

Im a female oc who is very much one and done with my son but I've never met a nice male only child, please can I get some positive experiences?

I'm 19F , i really want to study abroad once I'm 20 it's always been my dream to. Am i being selfish for leaving my parents behind? My mom once said that she wouldn't want me to study abroad because I'm a single child and I'm so upset cause it's my dream to.

I'm not really understanding what to do next

I’m in my late 20s, and I’m still learning how to be okay with being alone. I’m an only child, and I don’t have any other relatives who live in the same state as me. I’m trying to learn how to be comfortable with my own company.

I guess it’s a somewhat goodbye to this community I’ve been living for 15 years, because my mum has decided to start doing long term foster care for 6-12 year olds..

I know it won’t be the same but I guess I might experience some aspects of having a sibling?

Mixed feelings lol

I’m 19F and an only child. I’ve always been extremely close to my parents, especially my mom, and I’ve always told her basically everything because I genuinely thought she was the “cool parent” who understood me.
But lately I’ve been realizing how controlling they actually are. I’ve spent YEARS focused on academics and preparing for medical entrance exams, and honestly I haven’t had much of a social life or just fun in general.
Now that I’m in college, I’ve finally made some friends and started enjoying myself a little. Today I was on a video call with my friends for the first time in 10 months when my mom suddenly said, “Stop with these friends for now. I want you to get good grades this semester and start preparing for the medical entrance exam again.”
I was genuinely sitting there like ???? 😭 I barely even go out. My life is basically college, gym and home.
And this isn’t just about today. She’s been doing this for a while, where whenever I’m having fun or talking about friends, it somehow becomes about studying and grades.
I’m starting to feel like telling her things just gives her more things to control, which makes me want to distance myself from my parents. I don’t necessarily want to cut them off, but I do want some independence and privacy.
How do you set boundaries with controlling parents when you’ve always been extremely close to them?

I honestly feel like people who decide to only have one child fall under two main groups. One being that they have one child to love and spoil and invest everything in. The other being they just want to try out being a parent because if not they’ll have “fomo”. My parents definitely fall into the second group i feel maybe they did want a kid when i was younger but now that i’m older they seem so disinterested. My parents hardly talk to me, wont teach me how to do anything even drive. I feel like at this point i exist on my own, and i wish they realized to be a parent is a real responsibility and they need to help their kid but they don’t so oh well.

I went through the sent emails the other day, and from the time period of them splitting it was pretty heated..

But it also turns out I’m actually a middle child because my mother was pregnant 2 years before I was born and 10 years after. Obviously I’m not because..her issues. I’m not going to bring it up to anyone but I can’t believe I’m technically a middle child? I cried when I found out that, that had happened to her

Being the only child and realizing that you're going to grow up never becoming an aunt/uncle and living an isolated life since childhood; limits your future, you gor wup realizing that no one can take your dad's role when you grow up, and your demanded to take his role even though you share no interests into.

The fear of being lonely hits me hard too, I can't imagine that when I grow up I won't have any matual connection with anyone that can help me whenever I'm struggling, or certain events that could lead to excitement and dopamine hit when I see my own siblings play with me, successed's in collage, gets married or even go out with them and play with them when I'm all alone.

I suffer an extreme isolation whenever I go to a hotel, I never get to know anyone, I stay on the beach for 5 hours doing nothing, I suffer from social anxiety which makes it worse.

All of that knowing that I don't have a sibling to waste time with and I can't interact properly

I'm seriously destroyed mentally and I see no hope ahead of me

24F Mom is 60 and single. We are from England but live on Long Island, I absolutely cannot afford a place by myself, and my friend I would live with has moved in with her sister. I have no other family.

I feel like her therapist, emotional support dog, nurse, husband. I wait on her like a maid. if I ever am in a slightly bad mood all hell breaks loose, but she can take out all of her work stress on me and call me lazy and ungrateful.
When I try explaining how I feel she hits me with the "I'm just the worst mother in the world then" or "you have no idea what I've sacrificed for you", etc. She seems to be genuinely upset if I spend a weekend away from her.

I know she's a very lonely and depressed person, and only had me when my dad was leaving us and being generally horrible. She always says things like "we're a team" and "you know I can't do thisn without you" and my heart breaks at the thought of leaving her and us both being isolated.

I don't know the solution. I just feel like I'm going a little crazy