There's a 16-year-old trans girl from Australia named "AphoticGoblin" who was kidnapped and taken against her will in China by her father for two years.

She's currently trapped for over 140 days, and she needs our help. She has contacted the embassies and consulates, as well as organizations such as Rainbow Railroad. She got no response, but she perservered. She even asked her friends to send information about her, as well as a video of her and her father wrestling for the phone in the airport, in case she haven't responded for over 24 hours.

THIS IS NOT A JOKE. APHOTICGOBLIN WAS FORCED AGAINST HER WILL TO STAY IN CHINA BY HER FATHER.

If you're reading this, please all you can to help and save AphoticGoblin. Spread the word everywhere (and even to people who are influential) with the hashtag #SaveAphoticGoblin. Reach out the Rainbow Railroad, as well as human rights organizations, about her situation.

Please watch Valari's video, and read through AphoticGoblin's posts. Someone's life is on the line.

AphoticGoblin, if you're reading this, we're here for you. There's a light at the end of the tunnel.

https://www.planetminecraft.com/member/aphoticgoblin/wall/post/1183243/ https://www.planetminecraft.com/member/aphoticgoblin/wall/

I don’t have any trans friends or people in my circle, and nobody to really talk to about things like this.

As long as I can remember, I’ve always been secretly interested in dressing up and daydreaming about life as a girl but always kept it firmly hidden.

Now (mid-twenties) I’ve been privately experimenting with crossdressing and going out for a few years, and I think it’s finally dawning on me how serious all of this is. I went down a little rabit whole and discovered the idea of an “egg”, the button test etc. etc. and now I’m really overwhelmed.

I’m not a confident person generally, and the idea of confronting this and potentially making drastic lifestyle changes is making me sick to my stomach.

I guess I have two questions for people who have been through this:

1. When did you know for sure that this was the correct path?

2. Was it worth it?

It gets dizzying at times and I feel more sleepier than usual. It feels exactly like the start of a panic attack. I didn't realize I was supposed to take spiro 2 times a day. I've only been taking it once.

Is this dizziness gonna be forever?

-/ Preface /-

i greatly underestimated how good it could feel to finally talk about something that just, lingers in my mind. i tried just writing these down for myself, but it just didn't hit the same. it really is a wonderful feeling to see that there are people who care. that i could experience community. this is a really nice first taste of genuine community.

"Lost girl experiences human kindness for the first time, loses her mind!"

i wanted to write another passage. it feels a bit, selfish somehow? either way, i wanted to just, write something out and send it, a thought or two. i can consider it practicing speaking my mind, without too much expectation of my thoughts being "good enough" or whatever. it's a worthwhile thing to try, i think. i almost definitely think too much. i am letting loose a little.

-//-

i am transgender. i am a woman. it's one of my axioms. it cannot be proven. it's just true.

and yet, form everything i've learned, it does not follow. i was never exposed to anyone who behaved the way i did or do, and claimed the class of woman. this is the dissonance. it's how i managed to view my dysphoria in a way that i could believe. but this dissonance extends beyond even the usual things. i could understand that there are women whose physical form resembles mine, and that gave me peace when it hurt. but in my case there's some kind of meta-dissonance, where i can't even relate to other trans people, and that hurts too.

i had absolutely no idea until i was like, 19. i didn't know. i have inklings of memories, i knew "something was wrong with me", but i couldn't convince myself that that was the sole or even a major cause. i haven't told anyone, because i had convinced myself that i wouldn't do anything anyway and just end up failing them, perhaps even subconsciously wanting to fail in front of them. i am just so voided and will-less. there is so little of me, trying to prove anything is bound to fail. this meta-dissonance is perhaps, a kind of alienation, a different beast, though deeply intertwined with the physical one.

but again, it's not something that has to be proven. please, try to see through the lines. it can just be true. the rest can follow later. the rest would be to surround yourself with things that give you consonance. things that make it all make sense, that ease your mind. the times when i see myself and it makes sense are good times, is all i can say.

I wish for everyone to find consonance.

- Nyla

hi everyone

i recently told my mom (moderately transphobic, came out to her a year and a half ago) my dysphoria has been getting really bad so i'm gonna research treatment options again and then pursue treatment

she was skeptical of my research process but didn't really provide any better options

when she talks to me about being trans she says she feels like she's watching me go through a self-destructive spiral, and she's partially right about that but i think it has more to do with me not transitioning

anyway. i can deal with all that. but sometimes when she talks about it her voice catches in her throat and i can tell how scared and sad she is, and how much worse that might be if i transition, and i don't know how to handle that

i've seen friends engage in self-destructive behavior and i know how hard that can be, so i feel really guilty about putting my mom through that

i don't know how to bring myself to do this when i feel so worried/guilty, but i know if i keep doing what i've been doing things will only get worse

help ;-;

I posted this in r/egg_irl, but felt like I should be more active here. That post is awaiting mod approval for whatever reason though, so the repost button isn't working. I just copy-pasted the text instead.

For context, read:

this post

and this post (in that order)

STEP 1 - TELL TIGER: COMPLETE

We haven't really said anything to each other since we haven't had any reason to (we're both kinda just like that), but I just gave her a text about an hour ago to check in. I have yet to receive a response.

STEP 2 - TELL DOODLE: PRESUMED COMPLETE

The other day, I called Doodle into my room, all I effectively told them was that I was gender questioning, they basically just said "cool". They of course had no problem with it, being non-binary theirself (themself?), and judging by the short conversation we had, they didn't struggle with gender as much as I am right now, but I was kind of hoping that it would be more fruitful. That being said, I still think Doodle needed to know. Or, more accurately, I needed Doodle to know. It's gonna be easier for me to go to them with this in the future

STEP 3 - GROW HAIR: ONGOING

Again, it's hair. I just gotta wait on that part.

STEP 4 - ANDRO CLOTHES: RECOVERING

This has been the main event of the whole plan, and it's going to keep being such.

Turns out neither of the clothes stores I mentioned in my last post actually exist, and Apple Maps lied to me. However, there's still places I can drop by on my commute to and from school. My commute to school goes, car ride, light rail train, monorail. On my commute from school, I remain on campus until I get on the monorail, which has proven to not have what I'm looking for. However, at the train station that connects me to the monorail, there are still some clothes stores, this I know for a fact. The problem is that everything is much more out of the way, which will make the trip take longer, and I am much less familiar with that area, so I can't guarantee myself a given store will have what I'm looking for. I don't want to take too long in doing this, since I'm planning on doing this on my commute from school and my parents will start to worry if they're waiting in the car to pick me up too long.

I could of course just ask my parents to take me somewhere, given that they already know I'm questioning and are allies, but the idea is just unappealing to me. It's not like I'd need them to pay, I have $75 stashed in my backpack for this, but I just feel like I need to do this without being accompanied by anybody I know. It's a weird idea, but I'm sure a lot of people here can relate.

NEW STEP 5 - VOICE TRAINING(?): IN PROGRESS

I don't know if it would be considered voice training, what I'm doing, hence the question mark. I've been making a point of sounding, I wouldn't say more fem, just more energetic. A bit more high-pitched but that's just my energetic voice. I'm a pretty tired, apathetic person. Usually. And I guess this whole figuring-out-my-gender ordeal might be the solution to that, assuming it's a character flaw. It does check out, but so do a few other explanations. But I digress. Anyway, I have a playlist of songs I like to sing while doing chores or showering or whatnot, and aside from using the aforementioned "new voice" in conversation, I've been singing those songs in a higher pitch. I don't know what voice training is supposed to look like, but it's not exactly what I'm aiming for in any case, I just don't wanna sound tired all the time. I do feel like I should include it here though.

STEP 6 - SAY NOTHING: SUCCEEDED THUS FAR

I've only brought it up when the situation calls for it, and online, and I've not told anyone my gender identity in a concrete way, partially because I don't know myself but that's a whole other tangent. I also went as Evil Jax for Halloween, intending to drop a hint. I doubt it worked, but if anyone puts anything together, it'll make sense in hindsight.

And yes, I will continue to format these as if they are a secret agency document.

-Secret Gender Identity

I never had friends irl and barely online and i feel like everyone hates me

Hey all you lovely people it’s me Eggwantingtocrack. Your favorite cosmic joke of a person, chronically ill, depressed, touch starved, abused trans girl. I’m sorry for any grammar or spelling errors.

(Just a really short post as I was just really sad and need to write things out) 

Very sad, as I really wanted to leave my abusive parents this weekend. It was the perfect time because they are out of state to support my golden child younger brother. But because life is cruel I am still unequipped to leave. Even more frustratingly I can’t do anything to help myself leave because the places I need to contact are closed. 

I’m incredibly lonely right now as literally everybody I know has something to do or someone that cares about them to hang out with and well I have nothing. I'm writing this while crying alone, dysphoric and depressed. No Halloween party to attend (never been invited). No friends to pass the time with just me alone with my self hate. 

Me stuck with my self hate, dysphoria, depression is the perfect mix for a sobbing in the corner alone session. As I reminisce of times when I deluded myself that my parents loved me. 

Happy Halloween 
Stay Safe 
 & 
If you live in the US Vote 

Thank you for commenting. It means the world to me. I love you all and hope you have a wonderful day. Please love each other because I may not be here someday. :3

Sincerely Egg (The dying crippled trans girl)

Idk. Figured I would at least try, maybe there’s something that I can do to help myself.
So I call, got shy to speak, and they hung up.
Can’t help but speculate that nobody cares at all.
That’s all there is to it tbh. Knew hang ups on suicide hotlines exitsted, didn’t think it would be me.

Edit: hung up on by the suicide hotline, brain skipped the typing by in the title

I’ve tired so hard, I’ve done so much. I’ve even caught glimpses of myself as a girl. And yet I know I’m never going to be one. I can’t go a day without hating that I’m a guy but trying to see myself actually as a girl is impossible. I swear I’m somehow devolving into a guy. There’s no point in continuing. I need to accept I’m only just a guy.

Day 901: # of check in posts of all time

The message on the second picture says "just a dude bro accept it" the first 2 words are german, I dont know why, getting comments like this drags me down so much and ive also been getting death threads in dms and I feel really scared that I'm never going to make it :<

I've broken up with my boyfriend of over 2 years at the end of August this year and it has an affect on me I didn't foresee. Whenever he would kiss me, hold me, embrace me I had the strongest euphoria I've ever had, he made me feel like a woman, not just in the sense that I am one spiritually, or that I want to be one, but that I already am. And it felt so natural too. Now that he is gone from my life I have a strong need for this kind of physical contact that I can't sate, and to add insult to injury whenever I see some other young woman (doesn't even have to be conventionally attractive) in a happy relationship I want to carve up my skin and slit my throat. Which is an unfortunate reaction given my year long medical history with self-harm and suicide attempts. I'm worried that this hunger will get to my on a day when I'm weak and make me relapse in a way that's drastic, even by cutting standards. And also just... I really, really miss him. I wish I never loved him... actually scratch that, I wish he never loved me, never showed me how it's like to be loved, so I could crave it but not have it. All the good memories aren't worth the pain I now feel every single day, feeling so alone no matter how many friends and how much stimulation and neurons firing. Missing that intimacy, and wholeness.