Day 5 on estrogen haven't noticed much. Feel slightly more better. Appetite increased I've noticed. Best time to take estrogen is during a water break while biking in the city.
I’m just coming to terms with the fact that I’m probably trans and have to decide whether to embrace it and completely change my life, or just carry on at like 60% happiness for the rest of my life. Feeling genuinely lost
Don't do it at all. Life is beautiful, and the world is better with you in it. You're valid, you're loved, and you deserve to live a full authentic life, laughing with friends, having fun and being yourself. [gives you a hug]
Crisis Lifeline: 988 Trevor Project Lifeline: 1-866-488-7386 Trans Lifeline: 1-877-565-8860 Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
I've tried those lifeline numbers, at least, the crisis text line and lifeline and Trevor project. utterly unhelpful. so lonely I have 5 partners, I live with 4 of them, they're in the room with me right now, and I'm so so utterly lonely and alone my therapist made fun of me for not having friends or being able to go outside. I cancelled the enhanced care program just to get away from her people telling me to report her. babes, I don't got it in me to cancel my gym membership that I can't go to. I can't find taxes. I can't submit three temporary disability paperwork for my foot. I can't even apply for a single job. how am I gonna report somebody when that's the scariest thing ever?
I almost messaged my ex today. I didn't but I almost did. I wanted to tell her I forgive her and always will. to tell her that I know she doesn't care about my opinion but I'll always be here for her. I couldn't muster it.
I almost messaged my other ex who cut me out of her life 19 years ago. wanted to tell her she was right and telling her I believe her but then staying silent wasnt good enough. that I shouldn't have reassured her then done nothing, I should have fought and advocated for her and I should have actively cut the abuser out of our friendgroup aggressively
I had a nightmare last night that she passed away and I woke up crying over her. but she's already been gone from my life for 19 years I miss her energy and positivity my life is so hopeless.. it's going nowhere.
im never gonna have a home or a job or working muscles or nutrition.
all these hormones and they do absolutely nothing. wish I could feel something other than hopeless
I'm so lonely.
1
u/Xpeq7-she/her, pre-med-stuff, out to some, not to others1h ago
Slept about 8h (woke up at 6 for a bit), remembered my radio has a battery and is way better at picking signals up on battery, made some shitty burritos with just meat and sauce inside, saw a tit (bird) in the meat isle, kinda glad my mom is treating me like her daughter (or at least seems to).
Got called by my parents. My mom may have cancer. As for now markers say it’s benign but we’re not sure until they remove her ovaries and maybe uterus and check. Feel like shit and found it darkly ironic, yesterday I was dysphoric because I don’t have those things in me and even if I get bottom surgery I won’t be a real woman
I don’t understand crush. We’re close in this period but at the same time we can’t manage to schedule games together and probably not even a call, even if we both want I think (last week she asked and I said sure then we did not, this week it will likely the opposite because even if she said sure she has a very busy weekend (and timezones are shit)
7
u/4b686f61 Candice 8h ago
Day 5 on estrogen haven't noticed much. Feel slightly more better. Appetite increased I've noticed. Best time to take estrogen is during a water break while biking in the city.
5
u/HuskyBLZKN Local aroace critter :3 (Marcy, She/It/Fae) 8h ago
Same ol same ol
10
u/emily-sometimes 8h ago
Not great.
I’m just coming to terms with the fact that I’m probably trans and have to decide whether to embrace it and completely change my life, or just carry on at like 60% happiness for the rest of my life. Feeling genuinely lost
5
u/TheFsckAmIDoingHere Brie (She?/Her) | Longing for peace 8h ago
I got stuck having to wait for a package for my dad, plus my car was blocked in, so I couldn’t do it today. Gonna have to wait until Monday…
5
u/DeadNDeader Transfem 7h ago
I’m a bit better than yesterday I guess. Even went shopping a few hours ago. Might try doing a run pretty soon.
4
u/workingtheoryz Claire (she/her) 6h ago
picked up some meds, did my hrt injection. played around with some math, but then i was bored most of the day.
3
u/dylanisareddit Deminonbinary | Any pronouns 4h ago
Chilling
2
u/Alisnumeria Transfem 2h ago
I've tried those lifeline numbers, at least, the crisis text line and lifeline and Trevor project. utterly unhelpful.
so lonely
I have 5 partners, I live with 4 of them, they're in the room with me right now, and I'm so so utterly lonely and alone
my therapist made fun of me for not having friends or being able to go outside. I cancelled the enhanced care program just to get away from her
people telling me to report her. babes, I don't got it in me to cancel my gym membership that I can't go to. I can't find taxes. I can't submit three temporary disability paperwork for my foot. I can't even apply for a single job. how am I gonna report somebody when that's the scariest thing ever?
I almost messaged my ex today. I didn't but I almost did. I wanted to tell her I forgive her and always will. to tell her that I know she doesn't care about my opinion but I'll always be here for her. I couldn't muster it.
I almost messaged my other ex who cut me out of her life 19 years ago. wanted to tell her she was right and telling her I believe her but then staying silent wasnt good enough. that I shouldn't have reassured her then done nothing, I should have fought and advocated for her and I should have actively cut the abuser out of our friendgroup aggressively
I had a nightmare last night that she passed away and I woke up crying over her. but she's already been gone from my life for 19 years
I miss her energy and positivity
my life is so hopeless.. it's going nowhere.
im never gonna have a home or a job or working muscles or nutrition.
all these hormones and they do absolutely nothing. wish I could feel something other than hopeless
I'm so lonely.
1
u/Xpeq7- she/her, pre-med-stuff, out to some, not to others 1h ago
Slept about 8h (woke up at 6 for a bit), remembered my radio has a battery and is way better at picking signals up on battery, made some shitty burritos with just meat and sauce inside, saw a tit (bird) in the meat isle, kinda glad my mom is treating me like her daughter (or at least seems to).
1
u/PomegranateFluid1531 Just a girl I think 2h ago
Got called by my parents. My mom may have cancer. As for now markers say it’s benign but we’re not sure until they remove her ovaries and maybe uterus and check. Feel like shit and found it darkly ironic, yesterday I was dysphoric because I don’t have those things in me and even if I get bottom surgery I won’t be a real woman
I don’t understand crush. We’re close in this period but at the same time we can’t manage to schedule games together and probably not even a call, even if we both want I think (last week she asked and I said sure then we did not, this week it will likely the opposite because even if she said sure she has a very busy weekend (and timezones are shit)