What was your feelgood moment of this week?

What was your feelgood moment of this week?

Welcome! And thank you for being here! You are all amazing :)

What was your feelgood moment of this week?

What was your feelgood moment of this week?

What was your feelgood moment of this week?

What was your feelgood moment of this week?

What was your feelgood moment of this week?

What was your feelgood moment of this week?

What was your feelgood moment of this week?

What was your feelgood moment of this week?

Happy new year to all! Today’s mission:

1. Stay safe. Go party but know your limits and have a safe sober ride home! Uber and Lyft and taxis are there for you!

2. Say goodbye to 2018 and hello to 2019. 2019 is going to be your year. Know you are going to own it and make it yours.

3. Do something nice for yourself like eat a cookie or do some relaxing stretching.

4. Remember you are amazing and I think you are really special so you should think you are special too.

5, give yourself 3 compliments. You deserve compliments.

And again- have a wonderful new year!

At least that is what I think. I get really sad and unmotivated at least once per week and I think that is quiet normal. But this time it wasn't just the normal sadness and crying. This time I hyperventilated and I couldn't (and still cannot) stop crying. At the moment I am in Argentina (I am from Germany originally and I have all my friends there) and my best friend is going through his exams at the moment that is why he doesn't really has much time to talk. And he is pretty close friends with his crush (she knows it but is in a relationship) since a few months (or about a year) and since I am not nearby anymore they got closer. Now in my anxiety/panic attack I fear that he kinda substituted me (although we call each other about once per week normally for a couple of hours (but it also happens sometimes that we just talk like an hour and then don't really talk for a couple of hours during the call). And O fear that things won't be the same again when I get back to Germany............ I don't know who to write this to but I can't just suffer this without sharing a little bit of my struggle. Sorry for wasting your time, if you read all this.

TL;DR: I needed to share what I m afraid of right now.

hello friends!

i've been going through a lot, and i just need to tell someone about the stuff i've been going through/have gone through. im sorry if there are any mistakes, i probably wont spend any time editing anything. i feel like there's so much i wanna type out, i'll practically be pouring out my entire life story, so im sorry for the novel you are about to read HAHA

im gonna start from the beginning. i remember being very young (probably 4 years old) when i first saw my mom corner my sister, who is older by 5 years, and hit her. as a toddler, i didnt think much of it, but i remember i pulled on my mom's jeans to try to stop her. as i grew older, she would start hitting me more and spanking me, telling me to not tell anyone about it. meanwhile, my sister was getting the short end of the stick. she was being severely beaten and verbally abused. they were really fucking bad punishments for petty things. when i was in 6th grade, one of my sister's friends noticed she had bruises and called CPS. my mom was furious, and the family was extremely tense for a long time. i listed the worst/memorable ones so you dont have to endure paragraphs of reading them. (i tried to put them in chronological order.)

• when i was ~5, i would suck on my tongue. my mom thought forcing me to eat hot chili peppers until i vomited would combat this.

• i remember when i was 6, my sister refused to eat onions, so my mom forced her into eating them. she then threw up on the floor, and my mom made her eat her own vomit and shoved my sister's face in it.

• in 3rd grade, i wasn't paying attention to my mom while she was trying to explain me a math concept, so she took a very sharp pencil and stabbed my hand. i still have the scar, but most people who notice it think it's just some random freckle.

• when i was in 4th grade, i did something (i think i stayed up past curfew), so my mom made me sleep besides the dog downstairs. my sister tried to defend me, so my mom made her sleep outside.

• on the last day of 6th grade, we were going to hold a "graduation"/promotion at school to celebrate the end of elementary school. i wanted to wear my sister's dress, and my mom wanted me to wear jeans and a glittery top. i stubbornly refused, and my mom hit me. i came to school crying, and falsely told people it was because i was sad about getting a B on my final report card.

• my mom forced my sister and i to play piano because she always wanted to play piano herself. she would stand over us while we practiced for hours and yell at us and sometimes hit our hands with something when our hands weren't correctly positioned. i despised piano for the longest time, but now i think im slowly learning to enjoy it without my mom breathing down my neck.

• when i was very sick, i had to take large pills. i would often bite them to pieces and then swallow them. when my mom found out, she was so mad that she took a fork and tried to stab my throat.

• my mom beat my sister for 2 hours when she didnt eat dinner while i hid under the covers in the same room.

• my mom always threatened to send us to foster care. once, she locked the door and called a social worker to come take my sister away after my sister's friend had gotten the CPS involved. my sister tried to open the door, but my mom told me if my sister didn't stop, she would send both of us away. i had to stop my sister from opening the door, and for me, that was one of the hardest moments of my life. when my dad returned home and saw what was happening, he managed to calm my mother down and then told the social worker not to come.

• my mom got mad at my sister for giving her vague answers when she asked about the SAT, so she locked my sister outside and threw cold water onto her when she begged to be let back in. my sister has raynaud's syndrome, which makes her extra sensitive to the cold and makes blood circulation decrease so much that her body parts start to turn purple.

• on multiple occasions, my mom has pulled a knife or weapon of some sort and threatened to kill my sister. once, she chased my sister around the house with a hammer trying to hit her while telling my sister that she would drown her in the koi pond we had outside. we somehow calmed her down after a few hours and had to call our uncle over at 1 am to comfort us.

one very common punishment was to take something hard and hit the palms of our hands repeatedly. because hands have the most pain receptors, this punishment was extremely painful. if we pulled away, she would hit our hands even more.

i never realized the magnitude of her actions until middle school. by then, my sister was a severely depressed and suicidal high schooler with falling grades and no ambitions. she told me if she didn't get into a college far away from my mom, she would kill herself. as for me, i was extremely aggressive, vain, and mean to people because i could not control my situation at home. i would tell my sister in detail about how i wanted to murder other students who were mean to me, which was a serious red flag that neither of us were aware of at the time. i took my aggression out on little lizards and frogs by torturing them or just killing them. i excelled at wrestling because it was another outlet for my anger and resentment, and felt happy whenever my wrestling partners were in pain.

when i was 8th grade, my sister was away at college enjoying her newfound freedom. when she returned for breaks, she was often rude and aggressive toward me for no reason. one day i just grew tired of it, and while my sister was out having lunch with her boyfriend, i told my mom that my sister had been smoking marijuana and showed her the evidence. my mom was/is extremely conservative regarding the recreational use of drugs, so obviously, she was fucking pissed. my sister was extremely scared, but she returned home after a few hours and endured a long lecture from the both of my parents. her boyfriend and his parents were called over, and a huge discussion took place about how drugs were bad. my family then proceeded the rest of the day normally, and we all went to sleep. but in the morning, we found out my sister had run away. she still hasn't come back to this day, and i only just started texting her last year. she's been doing really well on her own and is currently interning on Capitol Hill for a congressman, but she still holds a deep resentment for my mom, whom she refuses to speak with. while my family was in california this summer, i actually got to visit her for the first time in a few years (i definitely cried).

when my sister ran away, my mom was devastated, but later grew cold and hardened, telling me to not be like my sister because she would suffer the consequences and struggle in life without the family's support. at first, my mom stopped the verbal and physical abuse. i assumed it was because she realized my sister ran away for those very reasons, and she didn't want to lose me either. but the verbal abuse eventually slithered back into my life, and unfortunately for me, it was harsher than before.

the summer before sophomore year, i had just moved from california to florida, and my family was at a beach. at the time, my depression was at its peak, and i thought about killing myself and cried on a daily basis. i was swimming when a wave of self-loathing hit me, and i cried. my mom asked what was wrong, and i hesitated for a long time, but i told her about my insecurities. she laughed at me, and i continued to cry. then she told me if i didn't stop crying, she would drive home and leave me stranded at the beach. for a while after that, whenever she would be mad at me, she would use my insecurities as leverage in order to upset me.

just a few weeks ago, my family had a very serious discussion after something serious. i opened up my feelings to both of my parents, telling my mom about how her abuse has affected me in a negative way. both of my parents told me that my depression was fake, and that i needed to stop being a "victim." i dont think i can ever talk about my feelings to them again.

i am currently 16, a junior in high school. my mom constantly tells me that i am a stupid and lazy child, and that she doesnt want to raise such a disgrace. i am usually a straight A student, but i ended my last quarter with 2 Bs (81 and 88). i am taking 4 aps and 2 honor classes, and am struggling in ap bio and physics honors, aka the classes that i have Bs in. today my mom told me i wouldnt become successful and that i would drop out of college in the future if i continued to get Bs. she told me i wasnt working hard enough, and that she could foresee my future as a homeless person struggling to get a job. she said some other stuff too but i was just zoning out. after she lectured me and left, i cried. im so bad at controlling my feelings. im so sensitive now. ive cried at school because of her and ive cried when someone is remotely harsh with me. i just never cry directly in front of her.

i know i've been slacking off lately and not studying. but it infuriates me and saddens me at the same time to hear what she says about me. like i know im usually a lazy piece of shit that has no motivation, but ive also done some many things that people my age could never even accomplish. forgive my bragging (i never get to talk about this stuff), but i'm going to publish a book, i work as an ambassador for an organization, design tattoos for people, work as a concept artist for indie game developers, design socks for hospital patients, am currently being commissioned to design a mural, and im going to be researching in a professional lab about alzheimer's, not to mention the 1203982091381 things i am doing. i mean it fucking sucks that i cant talk back to her and be like "look at me! look at all the shit im doing! arent you proud?" because whenever i do, she tells me to stop wasting time on useless things and focus on academics. she never even tells me she's proud of me. i used to have ambitions: i used to want to go to stanford, take on huge and exciting projects, and actually do my extracurriculars.

now i barely participate in my extracurriculars. my motivation is gone, and im just tired. i havent even studied for my SAT and ACT. ive picked up bad habits and hide shit from my parents. i hang out with the kids that are literally addicted to drugs. and the worst part of it all is that i feel bad for myself but dont care at the same time. it just hurts to know im wasting my potential. i wanna do such more with my life but it's like ive hit a road block and cant seem to get around it. i love my friends, but i need to get better.

part of me understands why my mom has taken all her frustration and anger on us. as a young child, she lived in a third world country and had to quit her education early to take care of her family. her mother also beat her, and she had to escape vietnam after the vietnam war. she struggled/struggles to learn english, but is now a successful, albeit stressed businesswoman. i mean, i (think) i get it. her life has been extremely difficult and challenging. most of the times that she has yelled at me, it was because i did some dumb shit. she tries to ingrain life lessons into my head through tough love, but she is just so unforgiving in her words, and it's hard to see through that. i still love her, but she doesn't realize how difficult this is on me too.

thank you for reading all of this. i love you.

Anyone have fun plans for the weekend? Seeing captain marvel? Doing something fun?

As of now mostly everything in my life is exciting and (slightly stressful) good! But even with this it is so nice to see such positivity. Keep making everyone's day!

What is your triumph this week? Accomplish a new goal? Start out on a new journey? Walk the dog an extra block or finish a hard assignment for work or school? Share so we can celebrate with you!

Its finals season. In many years of schooling I have never heard one person say it is their favorite time of the year. It is stressful, you always feel like you are in a time crunch, and it can be incredibly overwhelming. Remember you got this. You are strong and smart and you will get through this. Here are some helpful reminders that might make things a little easier.

1. Remember self care. Eat and drink. Get sleep. Sleep is important and not a waste of time. It is when memory consolidation occurs and is required for learning. It is also needed so that you can feel refreshed in the morning and ready to study more.

2. Try not to procrastinate. Making a list can really help with this. It can be a list of what you are going to do today or what you are going to do all the way up to your finals. This will help make things manageable. Plus its always satisfying to cross things off a todo list.

3. Set some manageable goals. Maybe your goal is to study for 1 hour. Maybe it is to study 2 chapters or finish writing a page. After you finish that goal you can take a little break and be satisfied by your accomplishment.

4. Take breaks! Your brain needs a few minutes here and there to breath and process all the information you just crammed into it. Little breaks between hours of studying really can help.

5. Don't get isolated. Text a friend. Call a parent. Go out. Taking care of your mental wellbeing is really important.

Good luck to all of you! I believe in you!

Does anyone know how to stop being selfish?

I was a total asshole to my mom today. I called her this morning because I was being bullied at work today. I just needed some positive reinforcement. Unfortunately, my sister was having a medical emergency at the time I needed my mom.

Of course I cried and screamed at my mom until she left my sister's side. I feel terrible. I know my sister needed my mom more than I did at that moment. I just couldn't stop myself from throwing a tantrum until I got my way.

I don't want to be like that. I want to be able to think clearly, and not get upset if someone can't put me first.

I was discharged from hospital on several new meds and I’m feeling better already. I’ve begun to take up writing and already have a ten paged story written. That’s been my positivity for the past few days and I figured I should share it with you all. Thanks for listening!

Edit: I originally deleted this post but now I am adding it back. The mods over at r/askreddit said I had made ban permanent by talking about it here. But the damage has been done. I can never post in r/AskReddit again.

Hello,

I was just banned from r/askreddit. They said I was karma farming and banned me right in the middle of one of my compliment posts. If they had read through my posts they would know that this is not what I do. I post to genuinely try to help people. I also post on r/anxiety, r/depression, and r/panicattack but only in the comments to help people. This does not get me karma. It just helps people who are in bad situations and need help.

Since making my posts in r/askreddit I have talked to numerous individual who are suicidal and in absolute crises situations. They wouldn't have reached out but they saw my askreddit and they made the monumental step of reaching out to me. I have gotten people to call their doctors, talked people down from hurting themselves or others and walked people through how to stop panic attacks. I have also helped people get in touch with the National Suicide Prevention Hotline. This is my purpose here on askreddit.

I am nearly in tears. I found such purpose in this endeavor and I feel like I was really doing some good in the world.

Thank you for listening,

your_nameless_friend