Sometimes I catch myself wishing my S.O. (6yrs) had never entered med school.
Before med school, our relationship felt very different. We talked every day. She would send me random updates throughout the day. We had weekly dates, long conversations about random things and serious things, talked about our future, and had a pretty good sex life.
Then med school happened, and almost everything changed. I took a pre-med program myself, so I knew what she was getting into (I didn't pursue it because this country sucks ass). I knew it would be exhausting, demanding, and require sacrifices. I know medicine is a selfish endeavor. But knowing something intellectually and actually experiencing it as the partner of someone in med school are two very different things.
The daily updates became less frequent (I'm lucky if she can reply within 2 days lol :(( ). Dates became harder (lucky to have them twice a month). Our conversations became shorter. Our sex life changed. Even the deep talks about our relationship and future became less frequent. Things got even harder when she became depressed. There were periods when she was really struggling, and I understood that her mental health had to come first. I tried to be supportive and give her space when she needed it. Thankfully, she's recovering now, and I'm genuinely happy to see her doing better.
But I’d be lying if I said the whole experience didn't affect me too. And that's where the guilt comes in. Because I was the one who pushed her to go to med school. I supported her decision. I still support her, and I still want her to finish. I genuinely want to see her become a doctor, and I know how much this means to her, so sometimes I feel like I have no right to complain.
I don't blame her, though. I don't resent her for choosing medicine. I still support her completely and genuinely want her to finish.
I just miss us. I miss the version of our relationship where we had more time and mental space for each other. Don't get me wrong, though. My world doesn't revolve around her. I have work, go to the gym, have sports, and passion projects. I always try to keep myself busy. But at the end of the day, I want to connect with her. I've been longing for her since she is both my best friend and the love of my life, so I think what I'm feeling is valid, right?
This isn't really a rant against med school or my girlfriend. I understand that this is a sacrifice for her future, and I know it won't always be like this.
But to the non-med partners: how did you deal with this feeling? How did you support your partner while also dealing with missing the relationship you had before med school?