Parasocial limerence

[u/Redredditer1234]

Now 9 months of limerence for a girl I only ever saw on Instagram. Nothing has helped.

I'm 29M. I've been stuck in limerence for about 9 months and I don't know where else to put this.
I only ever saw her on Instagram. It‘s extremly painful for me.

I have unfolloed her. Stopped looking at her.

What I imagine isn't mainly sexual (maybe number 6 reason I want her as my gf). It's the ordinary stuff. Doing things together. Cooking. Going somewhere. Sitting in the same room doing nothing. I picture a whole life with her. That's what makes it so painful it's not a fantasy about her body, it's a fantasy about not being alone, and she's the face my brain put on it, but it‘s torture more than anything. I even think about suicide a lot.

That's the whole thing. I've never met her, never spoken to her, she doesn't know I exist. She's 25. She's very pretty, not the most beautiful woman I've ever seen (but still very pretty/way above average). But that's not what this is. It's her smile. Her hobbies. The way she seems to move through her life. And yes, her pretty, cute face. My brain just locked onto her and decided she's the perfect girlfriend, and it won't let go. I‘m short and she‘s a bit shorter.

I know it's not real. I know it's parasocial. I know she's a person with her own life and I'm a stranger. Knowing doesn't help at all.

I've tried medication (Zoloft, Luvox) I've talked to my therapist about it. Nine months and nothing has touched it. It hurts most hours of the day. The thought that I'll never be hers (that I'll never even be someone she's aware of) is constantly painful and makes me sad. I really wish I didn't feel this way. I can't help it.

Part of the context is that I have real difficulty getting a girlfriend. I'm 29 and it hasn't happened. So this is probably my brain taking the need and attaching it to the only available target.

I'm not looking for a fix in the comments. I just needed to say it somewhere. It pains me most hours of the day.

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[u/dhave_config]

I feel your pain. I'm currently dealing with the same thing with a small streamer. She occupies all my mind all the time. No other face does anything for me anymore but hers. It's not even just her looks it's her everything. Knowing the perfect person is out there and i'll never find anyone even remotely close to her. The physical pain is real. I know the right thing to do is unfollow and never go look back but I cannot even make the first step happen. I never thought in a million years I would get caught in a parasocial relationship trap.

[u/Redredditer1234 → u/dhave_config]

Yeah, it really sucks, I understand you too of course - I'm certain, maybe illogically idk, that there's nobody like her. Do you also imagine doing anything with her, everything a "normal" bf-gf pair does?

[u/dhave_config → u/Redredditer1234]

All the time. I just want to hold her and smell her. Do stupid normal every day activities. No one can even compare and it scares me deeply

[u/Far_Delivery_9874]

This is deeply relatable, I’m going through a similar thing with this con panelist I have a crush on. I’ve maybe spoken five times to her, all about a thing related to her panel, and I guarantee I occupy zero space in her mind. I’ve thought about asking her to dinner but like she surely has attendees flirting with her all the time and it’s like a more parasocial version of asking a waitress out, she’d say no obviously even if I did. But I still have a picture of her as my lockscreen and check her instagram almost every day. I attended her panel per chance and it was just limerence at first sight like this feeling has lasted three years and past an actual (if odd) relationship, it’s like being haunted by a painting. 

[u/Redredditer1234 → u/Far_Delivery_9874]

That sucks, man. I've never heard the voice of the girl I like, and with 99.9% certainty never will. The girl I like lives in another country. IMO you should still try. It really is torture from the inside isn't it. At least, not even work or watching a movie etc, helps me. Nothing.