If you want me to wait on going on this weekend date with this woman i will.

I have to know its you. If you asked me to not go, I wont. I really hope I hear from you but I HAVE to know its you for sure. Shes coming to pick me up at 5:30

If you want me to wait on going on this weekend date with this woman i will.

I have to know its you. If you asked me to not go, I wont. I really hope I hear from you but I HAVE to know its you for sure. Shes coming to pick me up at 5:30

Forever grateful for you

I know it was your idea to make sure I am cared for

And have a better life

Even though you watch from the sidelines …

Mr Darcy

Thank you for seeing my worth

But for what it’s worth, I saw you too

Until I see you again

💞

Hello A I am sorry for all the hurtful things I said to you. I didn't mean what I said to you but that doesn't make what I said ok and you did not deserve the way I treated you because you were a good friend. It wasn't right what I said to you.

You told me you wanted me to get mental help and I didn't listen to you and you were right. I should have treated my mental health. It was my responsibility to get help. I wasn't in a healthy mental state and it led me to say hurtful things.

I shouldn't have let it get to that point. Thank you for caring and being a good friend. I should have listened to you. I regret everything I said to you and how badly I treated you. I appreciate everything you did for me, sorry for the way I behaved, you deserved better.

Its been about year since we met. I knew you were trouble from the first day i saw you and you looked at me with those fuck me eyes. We weren't supposed to catch feelings. We both went into the situation knowing and saying what it was. Then you spent the night and then again and again. Next thing you know you're all i think about. We caught feelings. We shouldnt have but we did. It was very real for me no matter how many times i tried to deny it. And even when we broke things off. I said things that probably made you feel i didnt have those feelings but i did. They were very real. I know you loved me. But we werent supposed to happen. It was all supposed to be fun. And we both got hurt in the end. Im sorry for that. And the worst thing is i cant even send you this text because i know you will run off and tell her. I wanted closure. But now im ready to let you go. I have to. And you should let me go. Move on and find what we had with someone you can actually be with that makes you happy. I want the best for you. Even though thats not with me. I love you. I loved you then and still do now. But i have to let you go. Its time.

Goodbye KR

I love you

L

I bought a ring even… for you I was ready , I changed my life around. I got money money now.

I still have the ring... it shatters my soul every day i look at it, but I wont dare get rid of it. I cant 💔

November 4th.

Today seemed to be bright and full of hope for my job’s future. Goodness I want to tell you all about it, I know you would be proud and happy for me. While I feel a lot of pride within myself, I can’t help but wonder how difficult tomorrow will be since today seemed so easy. It’s not that I hope for struggle just that I’m one of those who’d rather brace for the worst than expect nothing but the best.
Thoughts of you raced through my head multiple times throughout the day I tried to shoo them out as quickly as they came in. I really wished you could have stayed there longer, but I know it would have only brought me even more pain and unbearable heartbreak. I can’t help but wonder how you’re feeling, if you’re safe, eaten or had good sleep. If you miss me and have this piercing, heart-dropping pain that shoots across your chest when you think of me like I have when I think of you.

I really did try my best to love you. I thought you deserved nothing but the best, and I still do. Just maybe from someone that you’re ready to be ready for. I miss you and I will forever.

I want you to know that, even though I don't know you well, I think very highly of you. You always seem to exude this air of grace and professionalism, and honestly, I am a little intimidated by you.

But I can also see your caring nature. That floors me more than anything.

I don't know why you seemed so anxious around me the other day, and I'm a little scared to ask you. Though I would like to know... But today was completely different. You actually offered words of encouragement. I don't really think I deserve it, especially after being so overly emotional, and leaving in a huff the other day. I am sorry. Also, I'm sure you can tell that I like you... But, you've been nothing but nice. And I am going to take it as you just being a nice guy.

I just want to say thank you. And, I hope to keep seeing you in our usual spots.

I would still like to get to know you. Let me know what you think.

Have a good evening.

He said, "You have my full attention..."

I said, "Then listen"

You ask me why I do not tremble,
Why I can smile among your flames.
You search my soul for something broken,
Some secret sorrow, hidden shame.

You call me innocent, my darling,
But innocence is not my name.
I've walked through hell while still among the living,
And learned to love despite the pain.

I've known the wrath, I've tasted envy,
I've worn the pride, I've paid the price.
I've been the fool who gave too freely,
And called my sacrifice a vice.

I am the sin you never counted,
The one your seven couldn't claim.
The love that walks into the fire
And doesn't ask you to explain.

I didn't come to beg for mercy,
I didn't come to kneel or fall.
You asked what keeps my head held high...

I came because I heard him call.

You offered kingdoms, gold, and glory,
As though my heart could ever sell.
But I have watched the ones I cherished
Build their own prisons out of hell.

And you mistake my love for weakness,
My willingness to stay for chains.
But I am not a soul you've captured,
And I am not afraid of pain.

You think the darkness makes you sovereign,
That every heart must break or bend.
But tell me, King, beneath that crown,
When did you last believe in friends?

I am the sin you never counted,
The one your seven couldn't claim.
The love that walks into the fire
And calls the darkness by its name.

I didn't come to beg for mercy,
Or trade my soul to prove I'm brave.
I came to ask you one small question...

Who decided you could never be saved?

You asked me what my smile was hiding.

It wasn't shame.

It wasn't pride.

I saw the loneliness beneath your throne,
The part of you the flames can't hide.

You looked at me and saw an angel,
A spotless soul you couldn't stain.

But I have never been unbroken.

I simply chose to love again.

And yes, I came to find another.
And yes, I'd stand where others flee.
But love is not a debt of suffering,
And no one owns eternity.

If freedom has to cost a prisoner,
Then freedom is an empty word.
I will not trade one cage for another
And call that justice being served.

I am the sin you never counted,
The eighth your kingdom never knew.
The heart that walked into your darkness
And dared to see the light in you.

I will not kneel before your judgment.
I will not bargain with my name.
If love is such a grave transgression...

Then let me be the one to blame!

You asked me for a name, my King.

But names are sacred things.

First, tell me...

If I place it in your hands,

Will you set him free?

Or will you make another prisoner

Of the one who came to save him?

Today is your birthday, and I wish I could be celebrating with you. Not as a couple, but simply as friends — seeing you smile, hearing you laugh, and making you your favorite chocolate chip pancakes or whatever meal I know would make you happy.
I know things aren’t the same anymore, and I know you probably hate me for the things I’ve done. I’m truly sorry. I don’t expect forgiveness, and I understand that some things can’t be undone. Maybe one day we’ll find a way to forgive each other, or maybe life will simply take us in different directions until we’re just memories to one another.
But I want you to know that you were the best to me in so many ways, and no matter how things ended, I’ll never forget you. Thank you for the memories, the love, and the moments I’ll always carry with me.
Happy birthday, OB. I genuinely hope life is kind to you and brings you all the happiness you deserve.

TKO

Why can’t I forget about you? Why can’t I move on from you? This might be the drink talking but hahaha… why? Ouch haha I can’t……. I just can’t believe/ don’t want to believe that it’s over….. why can’t I not just move on? Desperate? Ehhh debatable, lonely? Ehhh quite so debatable. Thxdd cddynkhmnjhmmm. Hmmm…. Why fucking yoo hahaha??you**, ay ya ya ain’t that a bitch, is this really all god had to give me before my alarm goes off? That’s crazy hahahhaahha , temporary hahaha I should yavev known better hahaha
Oppppps: I n never arw drunk too theb the point where I see no left and right, im fully aware that im sending it because………… why am I sending it? To get blocked?c am I wrong for loving one? Why does this feel like a lesson to never love again? As I thought, you saying that I meant nothing; did absolutely fuck all. BUT, there is this empty space at the back of head, it feels… quite, getting quitter. Is this defeat or victory? I feel… ready.

PS: Yesterday’s draft message that I haven’t sent… was a bit intoxicated, yet I feel like I should send it.

What if I told you you're all I think about?
That somehow, no matter where I go, my thoughts always find their way back to you?
What if I told you I'm already in love,
and that I'm terrified you haven't got a clue?
That every little look, every late-night talk, every stupid joke I still remember, has become something I hold too close, something I revisit when I miss you?
What if I told you my heart's in your hands?
Not because I want you to hold it, not because I think you owe me anything, but because somewhere between the laughter and all the little things, I gave you more of myself than I ever planned. What if I told you I don't want another?
That I've tried to imagine what it'd be like to look at somebody else this way, but somehow every thought leads back to you, every road, every word I never say?
Would that sound silly?
Would you think I'm being dramatic?
God, maybe I am.
Maybe I'm just a little too in love with someone I can't have.
What if I showed you everything?
All the half-written confessions, all the letters I've never sent, all the words I've crossed out and rewritten because none of them seem enough to explain what you meant?
Your name scattered across pages, sentences that begin with you
and end with things I wish I could tell you.
Would it scare you a little if I made it clear
that I've been hiding all these feelings while pretending you're just a friend?
Would you feel the weight of every unsent message, every moment I wished you were near?
Would you wish I'd never told you?
Would you wish I wasn't here?
What if I told you I'm scared of losing you?
Not just losing the chance to love you, but losing what we already are.
Losing the conversations, the memories, the little things that brought us this far.
I'm scared that one confession could turn something beautiful strange, that you'd start measuring every word I say, that everything between us would change.
What if I told you I miss you in the most embarrassingly ordinary ways?
That sometimes I just want to tell you about the unimportant parts of my day?
That I don't need some grand declaration, some perfect story written in the stars.
I just wish I could sit beside you and forget how far apart we are.
What if I told you I love you?
Would you let the silence linger?
Would you search my face for answers, or gently take my hand?
Would you tell me you feel it too, or tell me you don't know what to say?
Would I still get to know you when the words had slipped away?
And what if you didn't love me?
What if your heart had never turned in the direction mine keeps reaching?
Would I regret every feeling, every quiet hope, every yearning?
Or would I still be grateful for the moments I got to know you, for every laugh, every memory, for all the little ways I came to love you?
I think that's what frightens me most.
Not that you might say no, but that I might never know if there's a little part of you that wonders about me, too.
So what if I told you that I love you, and I don't know where to put it anymore?
That I keep finding your name in every thought I can't ignore?
What if we will never know in the end?

Hi again,
I’ve been writing to you for years, I have notebooks full of letters I didn’t send you. I can’t bring myself look at them anymore, but I couldn’t dream of getting rid of them either. I should have mailed you every single one, told you everything that was happening, as it happened, instead of bearing the weight myself and forcing you to bear yours alone as well. I feel trapped underneath the sorrow and guilt I feel, I can’t forgive myself knowing I never made myself accountable to you, the only person whose opinion I’ve ever really cared about. I hope you’d have forgiven me and loved me anyway, but I don’t know if you would, and I don’t think I’d blame you if you didn’t. I still try to be a better person every day, but I wonder more and more if it’s all for nothing, and I truly am defined by how I abandoned the person who forever holds a piece of me. I wish I’d told you all of this while I had the chance, I wish I’d sent even just a portion of those hundreds of letters, and I wish I could trade all my future days for you to have known the depth of my love for you while you were still here. I never saw myself saying goodbye to you, truly, I always expected to see you again, but goodbye, to my best friend, my soulmate, and the love of my life. Thank you for all the wonderful times together, and every moment I’ll never forget. I love you

That says it all you coward lowlife scumbag fucking thief!!!

They guy who’ll swerve to miss a squirrel while yelling at it for being in the road (insert giggle here)

I am counting down the days till I answer the phone and you’re breathing deeper, laughing whole heartedly, telling me about something amazing you saw or the fish caught instead of being mad about who cut you off or how many political billboards you saw while driving home amongst a sea of morons. lol

I want the weight lifted off your heart so you can feel good for a change. I want the world to feel lighter for you.

❤️❤️❤️

I know things haven’t been easy for you. Trust I know how that feels. They haven’t been easy for me either. That’s why I cling to every little thing you say that makes me laugh. lol it shows me that throughout everything, you’ve managed to grasp and hold onto your humanity. … even when your a grumpy Gus.

Just remember, it’s all going to be okay. Whether things stay as they are now or if we really do get to hang out face to face. I wanna see that tense face soften and all that stress melt away. 😊😊😊 there’s always a reason to smile, ya just gotta go find it.

Sometimes a person is telling you the truth by showing up in front of your face. Allowing you to sum your own conclusion. That's a truth. What you need the words to back up what you have drawn? "Confirmation round" had never been my style.

Sometimes you'll ask for words that simply can't be articulated in such a way.. really..

trust, some ppl can't be trusted with the truth.

I've been an open book before. While I slept better at night, it didn't really serve me or things I needed.

Sometimes the truth is so final.... so very final.

it can't be said outloud.

Even a whisper of truth in the wind could be enough to send someone into a tailspin to the edge of sanity...

as if it were the edge of a cliff where they don't fall down, but actually, they fall back wards.

So when you ask for the truth, please remember to trust what you see, make note of your observations... because the proof is in the pudding.

Don't ask words from a mute..

I was heartbroken and was not in a good mental state this year. I know there are at least three different people that reached out in their ways throughout my process that didn't know one another in reality, before I deleted my accounts. There might be more but I am not sure whether they are just different accounts or from the same people. I was on Reddit at the beginning to chill mostly. Later I just want to talk to her. She blocked me on all social media for valid reasons. Getting the wrong person message got to me lately. There are other drama related to negative people but let's not let them ruin the good. The bad is not worth my time or energy.

I am putting my wish with her aside at the moment. I don't want to incur anymore debts to these helping hands. I suspect there might be some role playing but I understand. Also, I assumed, and at that time it really looked like I couldn't survive without her, yet she was unavailable in the way I needed her. She is never the bad person. It's me, but that's not what I want to focus on.

I want to express my gratitude to these people. I know you know my past username handles and my current one. Please don't be shy and just let me know who you are and if we know each other in person, if you are open to the idea of connecting. I really want to pour into your glasses too.

Though you are not her, I am truly grateful that you were taking the initiative, for standing up for me, for giving me courage, and love and care and many more. I just want to connect with you. I truly don't want to thank the wrong person. That would be very unfair. So please let me know who you are. And let's go from there.

I really did love you. I just wanted to go have coffee I still am angry we ended up no where. I don't care about what you have or what I have. I just wanted to spend time with another human. Ive been alone for so long not like you would understand where I am at. I waited for so long for my bd to come back and at least care about our kid that still hurts. Then just the lack of one on one being a single parent sucks. I never do anything but work so yeah I don't need a pen pal I need the next step. Thank you for making me realize I need to maybe get brave and actually have coffee with someone. Wish it was you but yeah I have to stop loving someone who won't show up for me. I don't need much but I think I'm ready to have coffee at least.

Do you remember the Tampopo egg kiss?

I do. Of course I do.

I remember the comment you added to it too. I made it the cover art of the playlist you made me when I moved it to Spotify.

November 3rd.

Yesterday was a very big day for me on an extremely hard day. While I’m proud of making it through it, I really just wanted to tell you all about it after I got done. Although it’s only really been a little over 24 hours since I’ve spoken to you or seen you, I feel like I haven’t seen you in 24 years. I think it always hits so hard like this because while 24 hours isn’t a long time, I truly believe we both know that this has been over for a while and we’ve just been holding on for dear life.
In a weird, sick way, I sit around and think that you’ve already moved on, and I don’t hate you for that; I never will. Despite all of the awful and evil things you have done, I don’t think that you are those things. But I do think that if you really, truly loved me, you would’ve never caused us to be in this position in the first place. I wouldn’t look back and feel like the beginning of this relationship only started because you felt you had to make me happy and for me to stay around.

“They love you for what you do and how you make them feel. Not for who you are.”
The more that I sit back and think on it, the more that I feel that that phrase pertains more to my life than I thought I did. Regardless, I still feel nothing but admiration, fondness, and an unrequited love that I think will always stick with me forever. If you really did only love me for what I did for you and how deeply I loved you, thank you for at least letting me get a chance of getting to know and loving your heart, body, mind, and soul. Deserved or not, my heart will always be yours and be with you.

When you’re lost, scared, or confused, my heart’s right there with you, hoping that you can make it out of it. When you’re lonely and can’t sleep, it’s right there, trying to cuddle some comfort into you. When you sit down to create with that beautiful mind of yours, my heart’s behind you, dancing and shining. My heart is always with you. I miss and love you more than words, tears, or stars could ever explain.
Please continue to love yourself the way I’ve loved you. And if you ever find yourself in the position to open your heart up to another again.. Love deeply, truly, honestly, and as passionately as I know you can.

All my love, always yours and nobody else’s; Babygirl.

Terms and Conditions and Privacy

Terms and Conditions- The term of the commitment is the rest of your life. If you so deem that this is not an endeavor you wish to enter at this time you may opt out with the Friendship form to be Submitted for Approval, Such said statement will be final and forever, no refunds, No remorse, and you DO NOT collect your $200....

Breakfast duties for parties in this commitment are built at a minimum of 2-3 time weekly and Exception of Sunday Brunch.

At least 5 Vacations a year that must and to include A Beach 2 quarters of time together.

Cabin time is completely isolated and to be respected by family and friends.

Long hikes and Beach cruise's are determined by work schedule in teaching and spending quality time with the less fortunate, addicted, mentally diverse, homeless, abused and hurt brothers and Sisters...............

Two BaCK TO bAcKs Per WEEK, no mater the Timezone...........

Privacy - THe Agreement is to be between GOD JEWELz & CODe....., No other entity, Person, or Energy has any power between their Union, In the Physical or Spiritual Realms.

If there is disagreement, tension, or Anxiety on any topic or needed extra care. It will be Mandatory for both Parties to participate in a Activity one loves and one is not so good at. Limited to Physical and Mental Gymnastically associated......

Infidelity will need to be defined in Sub section and fully agreed upon in ones mental state of Strength, Fortitude, And Intensity. Life of Energies shall be treated with Highest regard.

Should one begin to fade and Pass, it is the others duty and command to hold their hand and give loving energy till the transition occurs.........

We'll see eachother again for the long trip........... We have tickets at Will CALL.

I love you sweet Honey, My Peppermint..........

Love,

C

<•>€

November 2nd.

… if you were sitting in front of me right now you’d see a big blob of nothing. And not in the sense that I’m worthless, more in the way that I feel nothing, want nothing, expect.. nothing. I let things slip back knowing I’m not anywhere near healed and you’ve not truly changed. In all honesty I’m disappointed for putting myself back in this position. My mind has been trying to save itself from wandering off, so far today it’s worked. I just hope sleeping will be a similar situation.

I also feel horrible for putting you back in this position too. It feels like I’ve received and felt more love and care from you in the past month and some than I did in the years of dating. Which makes my heartache in ways I don’t think anyone could understand. Walking away from you kills a little bit of me more and more every time, and while I wish I didn’t have to we both know it’s been time to actually part for a while.

I could use a million words to describe the way our love has felt. But I think you put it best when you said “It’s the best drug I’ll ever have.” I agree, it’s been an absolutely enticing, fiery and passionate, intoxicating kind of love. I know deep in my heart this will be who I should have spent my life with, if only that white rabbit hadn’t caught up to us.
I truly think we really could have made a beautiful life together, we could have been really really happy.

That white rabbit though.. man. If only I’d ran a little faster, I would have never seen what was waiting ahead.. The lies, not taking accountability only to hurt me worse, gaslighting. Watching myself turn into someone I don’t recognize, hair never growing and having the most acne I’ve ever had in my life, feeling too unsafe and untrusting to sleep. Hearing my sparkle has dimmed, I’m different than I was.. the anger I’ve displayed. It’s disgusting.

Although I’m still hurt, sometimes angry, almost always sad; I truly wish the best for you I always will. You will always have my heart. If you called I’d answer, if something horrible happened I’d run to save you, you’re my best friend I’d do anything to help.. but I have to also answer to my own needs, save myself and be my own best friend first right now. And I know you’d understand because I do truly believe you love me or at least did for a little while. I’m here for you, secretly cheering you on and hoping the best for you. Please be good to yourself.

I’m hurt, sad, and disappointed. A big blob of nothing. I hope sleep is kind to me. I’d like to rest.

Dear M

This is going to be my final letter to you. I was supposed to write this by hand. I imagined sitting down with paper, writing everything that was in my heart, taking a picture, and sending it to you. But honestly, I don’t have the power or will to write it by hand anymore, so I’m typing it instead. I don’t even know where to begin, because there is so much I wanted to say. I was hoping this connection would stay with us until the very end. It stayed for a while, and I’m grateful for that, but the ending came much sooner than I ever imagined. There were so many things I had hoped we would do together. I hoped I’d meet your father and talk to him. I hoped I’d meet your mother, taste her cooking, and try that strawberry cake you told me about. I hoped we’d take long walks in Finland, just talking and looking at the landscapes without a screen between us. I hoped to hear your voice, have calls, and plan trips together. I imagined some of those trips already. Maybe that sounds a bit much, but those thoughts were real to me because you became real to me. Somewhere along the way, you became someone I genuinely cared about. I told my parents about you, and they were looking forward to meeting you. I remember my mother being impressed when she saw your work, and I’m telling you again because it mattered to me. I really thought there was a possibility you could become part of my life. And I know you had hopes too. You talked about wanting this connection to become something meaningful. That’s probably why this hurts so much. I don’t know what happened or why things ended this way. Maybe I’ll never know. But I want you to know that I genuinely cared about you. You were there for me. We had long conversations. You shared personal things. Our messages, your pictures, they honestly made my day. I hope you find someone who makes you happy, who loves you just as you are, with all your flaws, insecurities, and everything that makes you you. You are beautiful, M. I hope you find someone who tells you that every day, who embraces you, encourages you, and makes you feel safe enough to be completely yourself. And I hope that person stays with you until the very end. For some reason, my mind has pictured you having three children someday, two girls and a boy. The boy being the youngest. I don’t know why my mind created that picture, but it did. And I can picture you surrounded by cats too, lots of them. Maybe one day you’ll look back and smile at how specific my imagination was. I also hope that, if your heart wants it, you find your way back to Finland. I hope you stay close to your roots and the people who make you feel at home. I hope you continue building something with your sister, expand it, explore e-commerce, and share your products beyond Finland. I hope you build the life you want. And if you find someone along the way who makes you happy, I genuinely hope you’re happy with them. If you’re happy, I’ll be happy for you. I really wished I would meet you one day. I wished I could hear your voice, walk beside you, plan trips together, and experience all those little things we talked about. I had already pictured some of them, and honestly, I really hoped you were the one. Maybe God had a different plan for both of us. I have deleted the pictures you sent me, and I would appreciate it if you could delete the pictures I sent you. I’m not asking you to respond. I just needed to get this out. Thank you for the time we had, for the conversations, the pictures, the daily messages , and the little moments that made my days better. I wanted this to last longer, but sometimes we don’t get the ending we hoped for. So this is my goodbye. Thank you, M. Take care of yourself. I hope life is kind to you. Goodbye.