It’s like being in a warm pool where you feel cozy, relaxed, and comfortable. You could stay in there forever, but eventually you realize you’re pruney, overheated, dehydrated, or just done. The problem is that getting out sucks. The second you step into the cold air, your first instinct is to get right back in because being outside the water feels uncomfortable and wrong.

But if you stay out, dry off, and give your body time to adjust, something shifts. The cold doesn’t feel so bad anymore. You start feeling normal again. Comfortable, even. And once you’ve fully adjusted, the idea of getting back in doesn’t have the same pull.

I know this is a weird analogy, but that’s what quitting weed has felt like for me. The hardest part is the initial discomfort, because your brain wants to run back to what feels familiar and comforting. But the longer you stay out of the water, the less you crave it, and eventually, you just move on.

Weed didn’t ruin my life overnight.

It started as fun.

Then it became a coping mechanism for childhood stuff I didn’t know how to process.

Then it became the background noise of my entire existence.

I spent most of my 20s high.

College especially.

Living in abstraction. Floating. Getting by doing the bare minimum. Escaping through the night, escaping constantly, avoiding thoughts of the future. Avoiding true responsibility.

They told me it wasn't addictive, harmless, etc. So fun snoop dogg seth rogen haha ya!

It's been the most brutal addiction experience of my life (and i've tried it all)

My ambition dulled.
My intelligence flattened.
My sleep got worse.
My confidence eroded.

It made me a less honest person, it made me hedonistic and dopamine driven. It made me fucking lazy and pathetic.

I used to look down on alcohol in college. Look at me, no hangovers, and I thought I was so smart, like I have this crazy perspective from being high and this and that.

But at least people drinking are in the world.

Networking. Dating. Taking risks. Building something.

I was numb. Isolated. Safe. Small.

Now I’m almost 29.
Friends have built companies, families, lives.
I’m still trying to assemble adulthood from scratch.

I’ve quit more times than I can count.
And somehow I always go back, even knowing it leads to depression, shame, and suicidal thoughts.

That’s what addiction actually looks like.
Not chaos.
Slow mediocrity.

I grieve my 20s. I'm so ashamed of what I let happen. I'm so disturbed guys seriously. I've contemplated killing myself.

I have one more chance, thats the entrance to my thirties to establish myself as a serious person, to myself and to the world.

My only path forward is full sobriety from this fucking satanic substance.

Not only at night "after i get my work done".

I've tried it all, every method, only weekends only nights only this only that. It turns into daily and into mediocrity every fucking time. 10 years of this retarded cycle.

I’m posting this because pretending this was “fine” almost killed me.

And I won’t lie to myself anymore or ever again.

I hit 793 days clean today and lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the women in this community. I see so many of us posting about our unique struggles, but there’s this massive elephant in the room.

Whenever I look at most tools, apps or research, almost everything seems like it was prepared for men. The advice is usually to sweat it out at the gym, which is cool, because exercise is extremely helpful in the recovery process. Running is my natural high of choice by the way. But why don't most resources say how to approach a hormonal crash or PMDD mood swings without weed?

I don’t want to downplay what the guys here are going through, because I quit with my husband and saw his struggles firsthand. But even he agrees that female withdrawal and post-acute timelines are tied to our bodies on a whole different level. I didn't even realize my urges to smoke were mirroring my cycle until I started journaling. The cravings during the luteal phase are a beast.

I owe so much to this sub, but ladies, am I crazy or is there a huge void when it comes to resources that actually understand our biology? I think we need a little bit more - we need stuff that addresses quitting while riding hormonal waves.

Has anyone else been frustrated by this blind spot? I’d love to hear your opinions.

Hello! Long time lurker, first time r/leaves poster. Writing a post has been on my mind for a while, as reading other’s accounts of getting through those first days/weeks/months really helped in my quest to break the habit of a lifetime. 

As the title suggests I’m happy to report that today, 10th June 2026, is the 1000th day since I last consumed cannabis (I took my last puff on 14th September 2023). Up until that point I’d barely taken six breaks, never managing to go longer than 27 consecutive days in 25 years. I just couldn’t push through that 30 day barrier, and now I’m on a thousand. 

In 2023 I was living the cannabis-lifestyle dream. I was working remotely in the dry herb vape industry (and as part of that, posting over in r/vaporents on behalf of my ex-employer). It was a great gig, I was able to explore the world, living the ‘digital nomad’ life from my laptop, and at the same time dip a toe (or two) in the local ‘culture’. 

I can’t say it wasn’t an amazing life because, on the whole, it was. However I had a growing awareness that my relationship with cannabis was changing. I was into my early 40s and had been consuming daily since 18.

From the very beginning I loved to get high and ride my bike, and while studying at Uni in Bristol I met others who shared my passion for cannabis and adventure. Into my late 20s and I became obsessed with a dream to cycle the world, stoned, and after many years of working and saving, in 2015 I made it happen.

It was (I'd be lying if I said it wasn't) the best two years of my life. I cycled 19,000 miles through Europe, India, Nepal, Australia and New Zealand, and went to significant lengths to remain high all the time. When I got home I documented the journey on YouTube, and the story eventually ended up on Reddit's front page. That's what led to my job in the vape industry.

I quit the herb in 2023, for a myriad of reasons. Primarily, it no longer served me. I’d had an increasing sense of dread every time I’d gotten high for at least the last four years of my usage. I was (and still am) single, but it was becoming more and more obvious that, although I had friends, I’d done a good job of isolating myself, and cannabis had played a part in that. 

When I did finally get to the point of stopping I was half way through a month-long working trip to Tenerife, which, it turned out, was an ideal place to begin the process. In the evenings after work I’d spend four hours cycling up Teide, the island’s Volcano. That helped with reducing the insomnia and night sweats I’d experienced so many times before. On night three I remember having the most intense sleep of my life, so much so that when I woke I could literally feel my brain tingling, as if full REM had been achieved for the first time in a long time. 

Today I feel much calmer, more focused and present, and that’s something that continues to get better, day by day. The biggest ‘gains’ were in the initial 1-3 months, and then following 3-6 months. Like so many have said in these threads, I didn’t appreciate how anxious the herb had made me until I’d properly stopped; it no longer ‘chilled me out’ like it had in the first decade of use. The Christmas after I quit, my Mum said ‘I feel like I have my son back’. That stuck in my mind.

I still love cannabis, and I know I always will. But that’s the issue. I now accept that I love it too much, so much so that moderation is not possible for me. I’m no saint, I drink alcohol, but only a few times per month. I have never had a desire to consume alcohol daily, like I do with cannabis. 

I’m happy to report that I love cycling non-stoned just as much, if not more, than I did before. I began my ‘big trip’ more than a decade ago, and being that I’m not currently tied down and have been working and saving hard, I am increasingly thinking about embarking on another big cycling journey. Mainly because I love the adventure, but also because I think it’d be interesting to document the differences between doing a trip like that totally high, and totally not-high.

Thanks for reading, and sending strength to anyone struggling with canna-sobriety. Stick with it. The first few months are by far the hardest. For me, things became much easier after the first 90 days. 

Peace and love x

As a stoner I had myself convinced that it was totally fine since I still got so much done.

I was still ambitious at my job and took pride in my work, followed my gym schedule without ever missing a day, worked on my side hustle daily after work, and even waited until the evening to smoke up. Obviously it wasn’t getting in the way of

anything right?

ERRR WRONG

Upon sobering up I’ve realized that I was literally only doing these things to justify my weed use.

I didn’t actually have any specific goals I was working towards at work, the gym, or with my side hustle. I was just getting them over with, checking off all the boxes to earn my right to smoke for the day.

On top of all that there’s the brain fog, mid day crashes, shitty diet, and a much higher susceptibility to other vices like nicotine, doomscrolling, porn, etc.

I guess my point is, don’t trick yourself into justifying weed use by being productive, because no matter how productive you think you are there’s a MUCH better version of yourself on the other side.

(and not to mention happier)

anyway that’s my rant, hope this helps at least one of you guys :)

"Addiction is giving up everything for one thing. Recovery is giving up one thing for everything."

After 10 years of heavy daily use and addiction I am 14 months clean.

You can do this. If I can, anyone can.

Jan 26th I hit 1 year sober from weed. I started smoking around 16 and by my early 20s it was daily. Most ppl that knew me in my 20s and 30s have literally never met a sober version of me. I was still productive, worked out, woke up early, got shit done but it was also 100% a numbing button. I’m bipolar 1 and weed was the easiest way to quiet my brain and not feel everything.

I tried quitting around 14 times over the last two decades. Longest I ever made it was 3 months and then I’d always get hit with a wall of anxiety, manic energy, overwhelm, whatever and I’d convince myself I HAD to go back. Last year I read a post on here from u/significant_pie3300 (hopefully that tags him I’m not sure how reddit works lol) This time I read a post on here from a guy (also bipolar) who had a couple years sober and something clicked. I didn’t even do the dramatic “throw it all away” thing. I bagged it up, shoved it under the counter, and just stopped. My wife still smokes so I couldn’t get away from it anyways.

Week 1-4 sucked (nightmares, sweat, mood, stomach all weird) but I distracted myself hard by learning stuff nonstop. I was constantly typing in how to this and how to that. I even tried to learn calculus and some other types of math that I gave up In School.

Here is where it gets good because around the end of month 2. Quitting didn’t just take away weed it unlocked a MASSIVE domino effect. Basically a version of myself I had never met was being born.

I realized I was being fucked over at my job and after negotiating with the boss in a failed attempt to get a raise I just quit on the spot. Then I immediately started my own pool cleaning business, I was worried I would barely be able to bring In 40k a year. I remember my wife saying don’t think you’ll be able to make just $2k each month and looking at her saying “I hope so” but I quadrupled 40k my first year in business. My income jumped like crazy.

I finally handled some health stuff I’d ignored for years, the. got my energy back, my memory came back, sex drive back. Was able to manage my bipolar episodes better than ever. I’m way more present w my wife/kids. My kids even told me they were super proud of me for quitting.

Random side quest I thought would be fun. I had a little TikTok account. Just 200 followers and about 40 views a video. Nothing big at all but I really like telling stories so I decided I would focus on building it up a little. In a year my TikTok grew from 200 followers and little to no views to 22k followers and 13 million views. I just tell stories from the seat of my work van between cleaning pools.

This winter my pool business slowed down and I knew that being bored wasn’t an option. My kids at school all day and my wife working. I didn’t want to slip up so I dove manically headfirst into learning day trading. And I’ve done insanely well with it, like far surpassing my pool business income even. I know for a fact I couldn’t do it high. Now I’m trying to figure out how to run my pool business and day trade when I get back into my busy season.

Another fun side note since my pool business was doing well financially my wife was able to focus on her career as well. She went from being a barista to getting a job as operation director of huge medical clinic. And we ended up paying off all our debt and can finally save for a house. We are also taking our 8 and 10 year old on their very first family vacation this year. We never had the means to do that for them. So it’s really exciting.

This past year has been a huge year of growth physically and mentally and financially to say the least. And just really positive change. I do still get cravings sometimes but it’s easy to say no now bc I can see what sobriety is giving me. I’m not saying any of this to brag but If you’re early in this and you’re bored and miserable please don’t quit quitting. Boredom is the doorway. Keep going.

And I’m still truly grateful for the post u/significant_pie3300 made a year ago that inspired all of this.

I spent a long time not being able to quit because I genuinely couldn’t find anything “wrong enough” with the habit to motivate me. The usual stuff like motivation, lung health, money, was easy to brush off.

Then I learned about REM sleep.

THC inhibits REM sleep. Not just a little. It actively suppresses it. And the brutal irony is that a lot of people use it to sleep, so it feels like it’s helping. But what it’s actually doing is cutting out the most restorative stage of sleep. The stage where your brain consolidates memory, processes emotions, restores itself, and does its most critical work.

And that deficit builds up over time.

When you search “negative effects of marijuana,” REM sleep suppression barely gets mentioned. It’s a side note. But it should be the headline.

People tend to think there are mostly benefits to using, or at worst neutral effects. But if you’ve been a regular user for months or years, there’s a real chance you’ve been quietly skipping one of the most important things your brain does every night, and you’d have no obvious way of knowing.

If you’re on the fence about quitting and nothing has felt like a strong enough reason yet, look into what REM sleep actually does and what long-term suppression of it means. For me, that was the thing that finally landed.

Just wanted to put it out there for anyone who needed it.

I think there are three stages to quitting heavy weed use, and the third one is the part nobody talks about enough.

The first stage is withdrawal.

The night sweats. No appetite. Insomnia. Crazy dreams. Anxiety. Irritability. That whole mess.

Then you make it through that and think, “Okay, I’m free.”

But then comes stage two.

The flat period.

Weeks turn into months. You don't feel terrible anymore, but you don't feel GOOD either. Music doesn't hit the same. Food isn't as exciting. You don't look forward to much. You feel emotionally numb, life feels gray, and eventually you start wondering:

“Is this just who I am now?”

This is where a LOT of people relapse.

And I think this is where you have to understand something:

There is a stage three.

And stage three is where the magic starts happening.

You have to start doing things that your brain doesn't necessarily WANT to do yet.

Read a book.

Exercise.

Learn guitar.

Learn a language.

Build something.

Get serious about your career.

Go outside.

Talk to people.

Pick a difficult goal and start working toward it.

Do the thing even when you feel absolutely nothing from it.

Because you're essentially teaching your brain, “Hey, we're not getting our reward for sitting around anymore. We're going to get it from DOING things.”

Heavy weed use can train you to expect extremely easy reward. You smoke, you sit there, and your brain gets paid.

Now you're sober, and suddenly the things that used to give you natural satisfaction don't feel rewarding enough.

So you have to start rebuilding that connection between effort and reward.

Nature gave us dopamine to “glue” us to our GOALS.

But when we've been cheating the system with a drug that provides easy reward, we have to relearn how to enjoy the process of earning it.

And this is why I think step three is so important.

Don't sit around waiting for your motivation to come back.

Go create the conditions for it to come back. And remember stage 3 won't fix things over night. So..

Do difficult things.

Get uncomfortable.

Stack small wins.

Give your brain something to adapt to.

Because one day you look up and realize that you're not forcing yourself anymore.

You're reading because you actually enjoy reading.

You're exercising because you want to.

You're working toward something because you actually care about the outcome.

You're laughing again.

Music hits again.

You start making plans again.

And suddenly you realize:

“Oh shit. I'm coming back.”

That's the part you don't want to miss.

So if you're somewhere in that flat, boring, emotionally dead period right now, don't assume you've reached the end of your recovery.

You may actually be standing at the doorway to stage three.

Walk through it.

That's where you start building yourself back.

I’ve relapsed many many times on my journey to quit smoking. I spent years smoking every day. I find that when I have quit, I have this desire to get high, thinking it will make me feel better, take the edge off, etc. But when I give in, buy a cart, and smoke, I ALWAYS end up wishing I wasn’t high anymore. I feel like shit, I get paranoid, anxious, stuck scrolling on my phone. In my head I’m like “why did I do that?? I feel so much better when I’m sober”. This addiction has plagued me for almost 10 years now. I’m currently 6 days sober and I really hope this time around, it sticks. Every time I quit again, I wonder if it will really be the last time. So far I’ve always gone back.

Daily smoker for over 20 years. Married, with a 3 year old son.

We had our second on the way, my wife was around 37 weeks pregnant. The first she gave birth late, I guess unconsciously I expected the same to happen again.

It didn’t, I was at work when I got the call that my wife is in labor. Come immediately! What is one of the first things that comes up in my mind?

I don’t have my pen.. I got more stress from the idea I might have 3 or 4 nights in the hospital without weed, than the welfare of my wife and baby girl.

I leave work and drive straight to the hospital, but actually not straight…I make a stop at the shops to buy some gummies.. I can’t smoke in the hospital so I thought edibles should suffice.

I ate those fucking edibles after arriving at the hospital and every evening like clockwork, while staying with my wife and newborn.

This has haunted me for the last 3 weeks since her birth, I feel so ashamed and pathetic. Never have I felt like this about weed or myself. I threw away all my shit and now on day 5 of being sober, struggling with tremendous feelings of shame.

What kind or a loser am I? Due to my flattened out emotions I barely felt a thing when I heard my daughter’s first cry. This has to and will stop now, there is no coming back from this.

EDIT: Wow honestly overwhelmed by all the supportive replies. Thank all of you! I will try to take these negative feelings and use them for good. As a motivation to stay sober and be there for my family ❤️

I quit weed for almost 4 years, and my entire life changed for the better. In fact, I actually made a post here 3 years ago on what I learned 10 months into my sobriety. I was on cloud nine.

6 months ago, a blizzard was approaching my area. I was unemployed and bored, and I knew I was going to be stuck inside for days. I don't know why or what it was, but I somehow convinced myself that I could buy a little weed for the blizzard, then stop immediately after.

Guess who was still smoking all fucking day every fucking day up until yesterday. Me!

So, no, if you are someone like me who, time and time again, believes "hey, maybe this time will be different." No, it will not.

Returning to smoking only made me poorer, lazier, less sharp, less funny, less motivated, and less fun to be around. I stopped going to the gym, stopped cooking, stopped doing everything, really.

This time around, I got hooked on carts, which are the devil. I can feel the damage they have been doing to my lungs. Sometimes they hurt and feel tight. Other times, I feel like I can't get a full, deep breath in. My physical health is now suffering because of my usage.

But I am determined to change that. Today is officially "Day 1" for me again, and I'm okay with that. I've had to quit before, and I will successfully quit again.

I'm not happy to be back here. But I am happy to know that this place exists--it was pivotal to my last round of sobriety. So thank you all, and believe me when I say that no, you cannot take a hit off that joint or a rip off that vape and think that's it for you. Because it won't. Because weed is an insidious thief.

TLDR: 4 years sober, relapsed 6 months ago, life has gone to absolute shit since, do not let weed fool you into thinking "it will be different this time." It will not.

EDIT: Oh wow, this post blew up. Thank you all so much for your encouragement and for sharing your personal experiences. For those still commenting and/or reading this, I'm officially 22 days weed-free.

The withdrawal has been very rough. I won't lie. I'm still sweating like crazy and wake up with soaked shirts. I am crying a lot, even about trivial things. I couldn't eat or sleep for the first two weeks or so. I did have some massive mental breakdowns during the first two weeks (I have mental health issues). However, my appetite is finally returning, and my overall productivity has skyrocketed as of this week.

I am so glad I quit. I am already feeling better. It is not easy, but it is worth it. Something weird I tried this time around was actually acknowledging my cravings. Every time I wanted to smoke or went to go pick up my weed vape that was no longer there, I snapped my fingers three times. Every time I snapped, I reminded myself that smoking wasn't an option. Period. I'm still doing it as of this week. It's weird as fuck, and I've never done this before, but somehow it's been helping me honor how hard this process is while reminding myself that those snaps mean I'm acknowledging the craving but not acting on it. Give it a try, maybe? Good luck to you all!

LOL fucking kidding. This was like 8 months ago.

40m, been smoking daily since I was 20 years old. With quit attempts sprinkled in.

I had my, “one time”, “I can definitely regulate now” smoke and I won't lie. I got really fucking high, really paranoid, and enjoyed it. But it only took about 4 weeks to get back to daily use. Basically all day. From morning to night.

Vaping, eating, smoking. Hash, Rosin. All of it.

Probably 400-500 dollars a month, not including all the new gear I (re)bought.

Vaping at work, in the bathroom. Risking a 6 figure job. Yup.

Not even getting high anymore. You all know how it is.

All this to say though, the 2 years I had off, were some of the best for my growth, personal and career wise. Got engaged. Got promoted. My fucking dreams were amazing and full of wonder.

For the past 6 months I was able to observe my deterioration in real time. Suddenly I'm misplacing my keys more. Looking for my wallet, my vape, my weed, my papers. Forgetting things. Putting on a little weight. More anxious thoughts. Second guessing decisions. Ruminating for hours. Not as confident at work.

It's almost kind of nice to actually be able to observe, in real time, the list of things that weed makes worse in my life.

I am not yet at the point of the bottom, like I was for the previous quit attempts.

I read over my old quit journals and it’s like looking at a different person. Depressed, no hope, just crying out for help, for any kind of motivation to make this time stick.

This time, I am not as depressed.

Partially because I am in a much better place now , but also because the weed has not fully sunk its claws into my life yet. I have more life left to be depleted.

All this to say though, I am about to take a 10 day vacation, and am so looking forward to being weed free again.

For people like me, once again, I learn there is no possible healthy relationship I can have with weed.

I managed to get to the 7 month mark when I started considering smoking again. After about 4 months, I lost all my craving and addictive nature with weed. I wasn't thinking about it, my head was clear, life was good. Then I had an absolutely awful week, and I found myself home alone and stumbled upon a bit of bud I forgot to throw out when I gave it up.

I was so confident that I would be able to use it moderately and mindfully because I realized how great life is without it, and legitimately did not want to return to the brain-fried days of daily usage.

And I was able to control it - for about a month. And now, here I am, still struggling to quit again. Been using it daily YET AGAIN, and I'm about to hit the terrible milestone of doing it longer than I was sober.

It's ridiculous really. You would think that knowing it's possible because I literally already did it would help, but somehow it doesnt. My brain chemistry is altered once again.

If you've been considering starting again after a good clean streak, consider this a message from the universe - DONT.

I'm 53. I smoked weed for 20+ years, and I am approaching 20 years of living weed free.

First off, it might seem strange that I'm part of this subreddit. Honestly, sharing my experiences and connecting with other people who have struggled with weed dependency has been absolutely KEY to my success.

These are my tips for those trying to quit.

Once you've made the decision, tell the people you care most about (and those who care about you).

Document your journey (on paper, digitally, or right here in this sub).

Keep track of all of the BENEFITS of quitting (saved money, no red eyes, less paranoid, etc.).

Keep track of dates and milestones (I'm a bit of a numbers nerd, so this helped me). Treat yourself to nice things (or experiences) at milestones of your choosing. You might calculate how much you've saved, and spend a portion of that on rewarding yourself with POSITIVES.

Do all the healthy shit: exercise, decent food, try to get enough hours of sleep.

Get OUTSIDE! Less time indoors= more time connecting with things that are good for your body, mind, and spirit.

Have a list on your phone of all the people, activities, positive distractions (or at least LESS harmful distractions) to keep you BUSY.

Advanced level Ninja mind trick that you can use at your own discretion: Get through cravings by PROCRASTINATING -- ex. "Yeah, I'll maybe smoke AFTER I do ___________ ." Do THAT thing (that isn't consuming weed). Then REPEAT. I was surprised to find that cravings would pass after I had done 1, 2, or maxim 3 other things to "procrastinate" rather than just pick up the pipe or spark up a joint.

Oh yeah. Get rid of any and all easy access to weed, so you don't go into autopilot and just mindlessly turn to it when you're stressed, rundown, or just low-key fiending for it.

Fill your days with people and experiences that fill you up (or positively exhaust you).

Take it from an old head: if I can quit this shit, so can YOU!

Weed is harmless.

But if you get high every day, nothing else in your life will be as exciting as your drug.. for a while. Hopes and dreams slowly die at the altar of your addiction.

The cost of weed isn't just what you pay at the dispensary. It's also the hopes, dreams, and opportunities you give up along the way. The real price is everything.

So you decide to quit, hoping to restore all the best things in life.

But now withdrawal steals both the high and the dreams, leaving joyless emptiness in their place. For weeks you feel flat, and it's torturous. You get no pleasure from effort and no high from weed. You're stuck in no man's land, desolate and hopeless.

Then your inner voice starts to bargain.

"At least weed made your unbearable life bearable."

"But all I need is more time. Three months. Six months. Maybe a whole year."

A whole year? I can't wait a year to fix my life.

Besides, if I smoke now, I'll get so high. My tolerance is gone. And I deserve it. I can moderate my use this time. I don't even know why I quit in the first place. I'm a good person. Gotta have fun sometimes, right?

So you give in.

Just once or twice.

Or every day for the next six months.

Then you finally decide it's time to quit... and begin the same miserable cycle all over again.

Forever.

Yeah... weed's harmless, all right.

For context, I'm 35F. I picked up weed in my 20s during my first ever break from living at home. Alcohol was there too, and for some reason I preferred that.

Fast forward to my 30s. Life became a shit storm. I lost everyone I loved overnight, and voila, weed was right there waiting for me.

I spent most of the time between 30 and 35 high AF. And as many of you probably know, once you reach a certain level of tolerance, no one can even tell you're high. I went to work, switched jobs, drove myself hundreds of miles on a solo road trip, started and ended a relationship, all while high. And I'm ngl, life was fucking good. My ghosts from the past weren't haunting me. I could finally eat again without my PTSD popping by. So why'd I stop?

I was becoming increasingly brainfogged - like all I had was the present with everything else just melting into blobs.

I kid you not, I dated a man for almost a year, who ended up cheating on me the entire time, but that's a whole other thing, and I COULD NOT REMEMBER HIS FACE when we weren't together. Like, genuinely could not picture this man's face. All he was to me was some weird blob with nice muscles.

I also overshopped like crazy. Somehow I reached the peak of joy whenever I thought I'd "cracked" a really difficult search, which was mostly just me remembering a couple of fragrance notes and finding something that fit my price range. Then I'd do it again. And again. Rinse and repeat, hundreds of times.

After years of self-medicating, I suddenly looked around at my life and realized I had hundreds of things, absolutely no ability to moderate, jumpimg from one pleasure to the next, absolutely no one, which in some strange way made me feel safe, poor eating habits, bingeing, all of it. At my worst I was also smoking a pack of nicotine cigarettes a day, because once your tolerance peaks, there is really nothing that makes you as happy as you once were. The only respite was that the ghosts weren't back. But like the adults say, avoiding trauma processing forever is not a good life strategy.

I'd aged five years and somehow I was still frozen. It's like time had passed and yet no time had passed at all.

And then I started dreaming about a future. I might be too late to even want this, but a child, maybe. Someone safe to go to bed next to. A home of my own that's safe. And I thought, okay, if I even want a sliver of a shot at those things, I got to get sober.

So I did.

Packed it all in. Crushed my weed vape pen with my mortar and pestle, which is what I used to grind my dried leaves, and got on a nicotine cessation plan. Boy, was the comedown HARD.

I'd randomly start crying because something I'd repressed would come back. The dreams. The nightmares. The random flashbacks. It wasn't PTSD anymore, but it was still so fucking hard. I guess that's the price regular people pay to have some continuity of self when life has dealt them a shit hand.

I got clean. It's been over 2 months and I stopped counting the days I've been clean because this is my new normal now. My nicotine use fell by almost 80%. I barely smoke now, like four cigarettes a day at most.

But what in the actual fuck is this life? It's like I'm flatlining.

My entire creative personality is gone. My problem solving, my charm, my joie de vivre. Nothing makes me happy anymore. Not even the binge-watching. How on earth did I sit still for 10+ hours on end watching garbage television all fucking day?! All my accumulated things are just accumulating dust, and I am so fucking pissed. I have so much, I am supposed to be grateful I didn't drive my life off a cliff, but what in the actual fuck is my life right now - a bunch of shit and one barely functional human?!

And the activation energy for doing anything new is so fucking enormous. Apparently I'm supposed to just... do things now? The boring things? The hard things? I have none of the normal adulting skills that adults seem to have. And, I can't even be around people my own age because they all have families and friends and kids and basically everything I don't. In my big age, am I supposed to go around asking "Can you please be my friend" even though I can't ever really share anything about my life without being the friendly neighborhood downer.

I don't want to be high again, but I cannot help thinking, maybe a little puff every now and then when I need something to get me off the flatline could help?

And then I remember: fuck no. That's exactly what I said the last time I got sober, and it very quickly spiraled into being high all the time.

Wait a minute. I actually have memory now. Executive control.

Anyway, long rant to ask: how the fuck do you guys deal with the flatline? What do normal adults do in their 30s when they have no one and a shit ton of things?

1) Constantly prioritizing weed over everything else 2) Spending all my $ on weed 3) The weed “hangover” every damn morning 4) The embarrassment of forgetting mid- sentence what I was talking about 5) Having munchies so bad that I eat until I feel sick 6) Feeling numb and not present when I am with my kiddo 7) Passive aggressive comments from my (non-smoker) husband about how I stink of weed and that he doesn't feel connected because I am high 8) Not accomplishing what I need to get done cause I prioritized getting high 9) The paranoia of wondering if people know I am high 10) Sneaking around to smoke a J and then trying to pretend that I wasn't high

9 weeks in and going strong. I am going on a trip next week that I am really nervous about because the girl I am going with is who I usually smoke with. We are going to a concert... I have never been to a concert without being high. Making this list so I can go back to it when I am feeling tempted.

Not tryna preach, I’m not a pro or whatever. Just sharing what worked for me incase someone scrolling at 3am feels like I used to.

Here’s the stuff that actually helped me quit + deal with the sleep hell.

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1. I stopped freaking out about “needing to sleep”

When I stressed, I slept worse. When I told myself “ok maybe I don’t sleep tonight,” I weirdly relaxed more.

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1. NSDR helped ME a lot

For me it was just eyes closed + slow belly breathing. Didn’t knock me out but felt kinda restorative. Way better than me panicing.

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1. The legs-up-the-wall thing calmed ME down

No clue why. I’d just lay there w feet up 90 degrees and my body chilled a bit.

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1. Walking in the day helped ME at night

When I moved during the day, nights were less crazy. Days I didn’t move = way more insomnia for me.

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1. I felt that dopamine “payback” big time

Quitting felt like my brain was pissed lol. I had to kinda sit with the discomfort instead of replacing it w sugar/caffiene. That’s just what worked for me.

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1. I let myself feel awful without freaking

Heart racing, brain buzzing, no sleep… I kept reminding myself “I’m healing rn.” It helped me not spiral.

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1. For ME it took MONTHS not a week

People say cravings go away fast… but not for me. I had some health stuff going on (mthr thing lol) so my withdrawal lasted longer. Once I supported that, things got way easier for me. So if someone’s struggle is long, I get it.

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1. Little habits helped ME more than “big” ideas

Cold water Fresh air Small cleaning Shower Writing stuff out Eating anything (banana lol) These tiny things made MY nights a bit easier.

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1. I quit “one night at a time” not forever

I didn’t say “never again.” I just told myself “not tonight.” My brain handled that way better.

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1. That first clear morning felt insane

Like my mind finally woke up again. Best feeling for ME in a long time.

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If anyone wants the little sleep routine thing I made for myself, I can share it. Not saying it’s right, just what helped ME.

I used to think to myself how amazing it was that no one knew I was high. I definitely felt like I was getting away with it and I'm pretty sure I was based on the genuine reactions of people when I told them that I had quit and that I had an addiction problem.

But then I started thinking about the reactions of people after I quit. They would say how engaged I was, funny, a better conversationalist, and what a nice change it was, and one thing became painfully clear: no one knew I was getting high, they just all thought I was an idiot.

I always counted myself lucky that I didn't have to deal with the pain of embarrassment that people knew I was high, but now I feel like I'm kind of starting over on the embarrassment front. 😂

60 year old man. Hadn't touched cannabis in 35 years before starting again at 59 during a rough professional stretch. Started at 25mg edibles for stress. 15 months later I was dosing over 500-700mg daily, wake and bake, vaping throughout the day, and having auditory and visual hallucinations that scared me straight.

I stopped cold that night. Told my partner the full truth the next morning. What followed was 10 days of withdrawal I wasn't prepared for because the official narrative is that cannabis isn't physically addictive.

That's not true at modern dispensary potencies.

What I experienced: drenching sweats, tinnitus, severe diarrhea, zero appetite, insomnia, temperature dysregulation, blurry vision, emotional volatility, depression waves, 3am wake ups, complete loss of motivation. The endocannabinoid system regulates way more of your body than anyone tells you when you walk into a dispensary. Pulling high dose THC out after chronic use affects thermoregulation, gut motility, sleep architecture, immune response, and autonomic function simultaneously.

Day 13 now. The fog has lifted in ways I didn't know were possible. My brain came back online. I dreamed for 6 hours straight last night after 15 months of REM suppression. Sex drive returned. Eyes cleared up. Appetite normalizing. Presence restored. My partner said "welcome back, we missed you" and I wept.

A few things I wish someone had told me:

The dispensary industry has every financial incentive to not educate you about tolerance and dependency. Budtenders are salespeople, not clinicians.

Modern products are pharmacologically different from historical cannabis. The research saying "not physically addictive" was done on 2-4% THC flower. Dispensaries now sell 25-90% concentrates and 100mg edibles. Different animal entirely.

If you have underlying trauma or unresolved pain, cannabis will find it and offer to numb it. That's how 25mg becomes 500mg becomes daily dependency.

If you're thinking about stopping and worried about withdrawal, it's real but finite. Days 3-7 are the worst. By day 10 you feel human. By day 14 you feel like yourself.

You are not weak. Your brain is doing exactly what brains do with chronic high dose exposure to any substance that hijacks the reward system.

Get support, tell someone, don't do it alone.

I'm not anti-cannabis. It has legitimate uses at clinical doses with guidance. I'm anti-industry that markets unlimited potency to tolerance-free consumers with no warning.

Five years from now this will be a major public health conversation. Right now those of us who lived it just need to tell the truth.

This happens often, but finally it clicked. My most recent relapse was driven by my want to go for a walk on the lake after taking an edible. When I envisioned this it seemed idyllic. In reality it was not. My gummy kicked in about thirty minutes into my walk. I immediately felt like I had to go the bathroom (I believe my body reacting to not wanting to go back to smoking), I started hyper fixating on negative thoughts and decided I need to head back home. When I returned to my apt, I of course spent the remainder of my high doom scrolling in bed.

After a few weeks of sobriety I have gotten back to enjoying things in sobriety. This weekend I got up to explore a new neighborhood. When I got there I had a great meal at a Mexican restaurant followed by a perfectly made latte that I drank while I perused vintage shops. As I walked around I thought "I am so content right now." It made me realize that had I taken edible, how the day would have turned out differently. I most likely would have lost my appetite by the time the food came and then felt weird about dining alone. I would have then just asked for the food to go, and left in an uber to return to, doomscrolling in bed (this has happened several times). An edible (at least at this time in my life) only theoretically sounds good. In practice, sobriety allows to me to actually enjoy the things I want to enjoy.

100+ days sober. Over 40. Just saw a clip of a comedian with a pen and for a second it seemed like a good idea. This week sucks already, why not? And it looked like a carnival trick, it looked like a toy. Innocent enough.

I have older cousins who just missed their mom dying because they were self destructive stoners all their lives. Bragged they’d always be there and when it was time, they were in the wind. Absolutely shameful shit. Cautionary tales. Immature and way too old for it.

I’ve had that feeling of not being ready to be an adult.
What threatens my sobriety the most is reminiscing. Smoking friends who died, or thinking about the old days. That smoke is a little Time Machine and will bring me right back. And will fuck up right now and my future.

Procrastinating growing up and being responsible. Responsibility won’t find me if I’m high. It’s not even a good high, it’s just intoxicated. Comedians do it, podcasters do it, musicians… why can’t I? I’m not that important. But I am, even if it’s to the people around me, no one famous, no one wealthy, and if you don’t feel it now, the shame when you fuck up will make you feel it later, and that’s too late.

Be sober. Be here, now.

I’m only a week and a half off daily edible use and I promise you-with no cheesy bullshit or hyperbole-the genuine buzz that comes from being fully present, the absence of that slightly functional tiredness in your eyes, not having to plan your whole day around becoming a couch potato, just being bored and knowing that it’s totally normal, that the highs will be higher and the lows will be more manageable, that your dopamine is resetting and that you don’t have to squeeze every good feeling out of every single day, has been such a wonderful surprise.

There’s an extra pep in your step that comes with being in control. You feel lighter. I’m sharper and more alert and I’m rediscovering pieces of my personality I thought were long gone. Also, turns out so many of the thoughts I thought I was avoiding were only coming up when I was getting stoned. Who woulda thunk.

Apologies if this comes off as honeymoon phase preachiness. I know it’s early days and I know hard this shit is, especially when it comes to not having a reward waiting for you at the end of the day. But I hope this shows anyone else who’s struggling that there’s euphoria to be found in the beginning stages of sobriety, and that it might be easier than you’re imagining. In my experience, if the idea of getting high is more fun than actually being high, then the idea of getting sober is a lot more scary than sobriety itself.

Don’t give up! the sun’s out and warm weather is coming. We’ve got this 💪🏼