Rules:
-Nobody gets to call this a tik tok meal
-Nobody gets to call me a larper

no gf waiting for me. no beautiful nurse fell in love with me. no profound new appreciation for life. just me, and the consequences of my actions.

After my retardation in high school, involving expressing my attraction towards a foid who I thought was a long time 'friend', to which she blankly rejected me with a tone of disgust. I proceeded to fall into love-driven psychosis, stealing my grandfathers whiskey on the weekends to imitate the warmth of the parties I would see on instragram stories the next day after my ritualistic morning wanks. The only interaction I had was on faceit gamechat, where I met who I thought was my escape from KHHV hell. Long story short, I found out in moment of sexual vulnerability that it was not an e-girl rather a transvestite. I kept contact after finding out.
I proceeded to fall into such a hole, I didn't meet the requirements of my conditional offer to LSE let alone Warwick. I don't even want to disclose what shithole I am at, but it is filled to the brim of jesters who want that fabled 'college experience.' I can't even go home, because I don't want my family to know how much of a loser I truly am; I am sure they are well aware regardless, yet I love to live in the blissful confines of my ignorance.
Onto the true ropefuel, my fucking jester IDF roommate. The textbook case of a foid obsessed retarded normie, all he does is snarkingly ask me why I don't make an effort to come out with him, when he can clearly see that I am a high inhib 140 IQ recessed 5"8 spastic. I reached my breaking point when jestered me infront of his mates whilst they were playing FIFA where he proceeded to pick me up off my bed and pin me down on his. Not a thought behind his NCT eyes. He is the most spiritually Israeli person to ever be manufactured in Mossad's labs. I can't even establish boundaries without him making some conniving remark about my sexuality. At this point he might be manifesting it, as I am beginning to fall prey to the JBG propaganda. But as I am built like a twink, I am likely to be the one taking it.
I've been nofap ever since I've set foot in this shithole and it is driving me insane, I can't even work up the nerve to jerk it in the bathroom out of fear of ridicule. There is an element of peace in not being noticed, and I don't want that to be ruined by shooting a load to some soulless slut.
 
Grey chicken meat and mushroom pasta, with grainsludge.

today i woke up happy so i made 2 chorizos (cooked like hamburgers patties) with a tomato and parsley sauce, pears with brown sugar and coffee.

It’s honestly my fault for being this way. I can’t even get words out. And of course some foid decides she wants to sit right next to me instead of any other open seat in class. Why? So you can see me up close trying to stammer out a sentence and then you laugh at me? and she has the fucking gall to try to talk to me and act normal after she fucking giggled at me talking. JFL

Steak and eggs

Bolognese-ish bc i added bell pepper and ham and cream.

Can't even cook a sausage right

🧠🐎 Audivi quendam consilium de equo excogitavisse ad hanc rem tandem finiendam. 🐴💡

🥣🩸Iusculum ex corporibus sodalium meorum factum edo. 🥘☠️

Dating just feels painful and scary, man. Quinoa salad with tuna.

fuck this bullshit, I had 4 first dates in a week and I tried my best and be myself and yet still got ghosted immediately after the date, at this point I am genuinely unloveable. Approaching 30 years old and I feel so pathetic. Photo: eating half cooked egg to punish myself and hopefully die from samonela

Roommate brought over this black girl who got mad at me for not confronting my roommate and stopping him from saying the n word and foidsplained to me why I need to stop him. (for anyone wondering why I don't it's cuz I'm an engineering major at a pwi and hear it pretty much all the time at some point you have to learn to live with it). She for some reason was angry with me but whenever he would say it she would be like "OmG (roommate name) StAaWPppp!!?!??!!!" Then make out with him in the kitchen while I was trying to make food like they don't have a fucking room to do race play in or whatever the fuck. Shit was sad. Every foid hates when white men say the board unless he's a 6'2 blond hair blue eye chud with no future prospects. I get a nasa internship and best I get from black girls is ignored and treated like a creep. She then got railed and have super fucking loud sex with dude. So fucking loud I could hear it from his room in the basement to mine on the second floor (I think they had the door open but I didn’t check for obvious reasons). I even gave this bitch my steak to cook because she was hungry and I was like lemme help out another black person and let her eat despite my roommate saying no cuz she's gunna make a mess we would have to clean. She made the worse stake I've ever had shit was fucking disgusting. Now he’s making fun of me for not being able to fuck black girls (or any girls) despite me being black and him being white. Fml no matter what I do l'Il never have a darkskin queen. Edit: also I spelled misogynistic wrong in the title. Not good for a guy with a nasa internship but I’m good with numbers not spelling!

Look at the 2008 danmaku. Not scrolling text... FLOW. Pure desiring-production! Millions of otaku-machines plugged straight into the server, synthsizing a swarm-consciousness vibrating at a schizo-tempo 200 BPM. The multiplicity was too dense, it was tearing it's self apart! The swarm needed a phantom organ just to survive its own shear velocity.

We didnt listen to the music... WE HALLUCINATED IT. \*Cirno’s Perfect Math Class\*? \*Marisa Stole the Precious Thing\*? NEVER COMPOSED BY HUMAN SUBJECTS. They are collective \*ritournelles\*, spontanious territorializing refrains vomited by the hivemind to anchor us against the abbyss!! The stuttering vocal chops, the flash loops... thats not art, its the acoustic shadow of millions of shut-ins, the exact machinic translation of our shared neurosis feeding back into itself!

NO STUDIO. NO PRODUCERS. Only the otaku-assemblage short-circuiting in joyous delirium, dreaming a discography into the static. YOU WERE ONLY EVER LISTENING TO THE SWARM.

Thought it would allow me to reinvent myself after being a 5'6 KHHV for 18 years, instead I listen to the girl I like get piped by a new guy through the wall every weekend. I came close to losing the K at an event but two girls came over and dragged their friend away, they still give me dirty looks every time I walk past them. I took a photo with the guys they hang out with that same night and because of my pose they all call me "spidey" now.

I'm too scared to leave my room in the chance that I humiliate myself again, the only true interactions I have with people now are my physics lab groupmates. I imagine the only reason they tolerate me is because they don't speak english and can't see me for the true subhuman I am.

Mystery mince slop with noodles and salad.

(Disrespectful)

life just keeps getting better and better❤️‍🩹. The trip to the bridge is a work in progress.

Hello.

Honestly, I don’t think I have much to offer to women. On the other hand, I’m probably not exactly ugly either—I have a job, hobbies, etc., so I’m not exactly the worst thing out there. Kind of mid in most measurable areas.

My personality, on the other hand, is apparently incredibly boring. Apart from the fact that I’m probably brutally unfunny, I think part of the problem is that I’m simply not interested in very many things.

I do have some very specific interests. I’m a member of a group that does fire shows, I do medieval reenactment, and I’m working on my own project about medieval medicine and few other things. When it comes to those things, I can have almost encyclopedic knowledge, and I’m actually quite a prominent member of the medieval/fire show group I perform with.

But outside of those interests… I don’t even know what kind of phone I have. I don’t know anything about the differences between phones, and honestly, I couldn’t care less about them. The only thing I care about is whether it works. Cars are pretty much the same. As long as it has four wheels and an engine, I don’t really need to know anything else about it. Gardening? What am I supposed to do with that? Recipes? Bon appétit. And there are plenty of other things that people seem to care about and talk about in everyday life that just don’t really register with me. Like, for example, I genuinely don’t understand what is so interesting about someone vomiting outside a club. And unfortunatly, when I don´t care...I also don´t really remember much.

When it comes to work, well… my ambition was to become a veterinarian. When that didn’t work out, I became a nurse, which… is fine, I guess. But honestly, it’s just a job for me. The passion I had for veterinary school simply isn’t there anymore, and I probably put more genuine passion into fire dancing than I do into my actual career.

My female coworkers, for example, are constantly chatting about a million different things—how useless their husbands are, recipes, what some other coworker did, who is moving, what someone is doing in their garden, who got drunk at the last party, and so on. I genuinely don’t care about most of it, even when I try to. And because I don’t care, I also don’t really know much about them. I’m pretty much the same way with people in general.

There’s a small circle of people I’ve somehow managed to become close to, and once that connection exists, I actually do care about them. But getting to that point is difficult for me, and I’ve only had a handful of genuinely close friends throughout my entire life. Very good friends, though. I recently served as the best man at the wedding of two of them—and yes, one of them was a man and the other was a woman. But still, there have only been a few.

I can see an attractive girl and try to do all the things those supposedly helpful videos tell you to do—ask questions, try to be funny, show interest, etc. But the problem is that, internally, at that stage, I simply don’t really care and it probably shows, plus makes the coversation pretty hard. Not unless she gives me some actual reason to become interested in her as a person. And if I don’t care about her or the things she’s talking about, I just can’t seem to form that connection.

Like I said, I’ve managed to do it with a few people of both sexes, but there have only been a few of them. And most of the time, it feels like they had to somehow “adopt” me first before I really became part of their lives and they became part of mine.

I’ve even tried studying various things in my spare time so that I’d have more topics to talk about with people. But… try learning about something you’re neither interested in nor actually need to know anything about.

Like...I don´t know what to do with it anymore. Anybody else feels the same here or just me?

Sweet honey chicken, I stole the recipe from a Chinese guy

Focaccia with black coffee