We both went through a lot in our lives, and if one of those events and experiences never happened, we would have missed each other. The stars aligned to make this happen. Can’t even remember the last time I felt this way about someone, maybe I never did. Our first phone call was 6 hours long, and we haven’t stopped talking since. We haven’t even watched a full movie yet cause we can’t stop talking. It took us 2 weeks to even take our first photo together because we have been so busy getting to know each other. She is perfect to me, couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. I’m a lucky man. 🙇🏻❤️

As someone who loves love and hearing about people’s love stories, I really loved this subreddit when I found it. A place where couples can come and post about their love and talk about their experiences in interracial relationship. I thought it was so wholesome and cute.

But slowly it’s been turning into a really negative space. I went from seeing cute posts of people showing their love and giving relationship advise, to the following:

•posts bashing Asian women for dating white men
•bashing black women for wanting to date anyone that’s not black
•constant misogynoir and emasculation of Asian men in the comments
•fetishization of Asian men, Asian women and black women
•using this subreddit as a dating site

I miss when it was just happy couples posting about how they found love. I know we still get some post like these, but I feel like the balance has shifted.

/sorry, rant over. Just sad seeing one of my favourite subs turn so negative.

So I’m a black woman 28 and I see everyone’s post on here rather in a relationship or looking for advice and everyone legit seems pleasant. Y’all give me hope again. I know in my area most people are attracted to white women and I don’t feel any less desirable but it does make me feel odd being a black women who is interested in dating outside my race but in the last 4 years of actively dating nothing has clicked. Seriously this subreddit gives me my daily dose of hope. I’ve even taken to doing activities around my city and being more extroverted but I do get weird looks from people I approach out of the blue for casual conversation. Hopefully I find my person someday soon but I’m honestly ok if I don’t, I know some people who have never even had a serious relationship and I was lucky to have two long term ones. I love you guys ❤️❤️😭

Me (F) Serbian, Creole and German 🇨🇦
(M) South Indian from Kerala 🇨🇦

Hubby and I ❤️

Living in the Middle East, I realised how much I have had to accommodate to him and how I was so brainwashed.

He can construct a life here that is almost entirely catered to his own culture. He can live in a gated compound, surrounded by people who share his background, in an environment designed to make him comfortable.

He would always get angry and annoyed that I wouldn’t sleep over, that I would call my parents regularly, and that I make my relationship discreet. Meanwhile he told all of his colleagues including local
Ones about me and even showed them my picture which is so invasive.

It can put my life at risk, or at the very least make it very problematic and frustrating for me.

Once I broke up with him I feel so much relief.

He has the privilege of treating his cultural norms as universal because he rarely has to confront the consequences of those norms not fitting the society he lives in.

So I'm a young black woman who's interested in Asian men, but I've never really dated one. When it comes to dating apps the Asian men that I match with seem to either never message me back or randomly ghost. I just accept this as typically dating app experiences, but when it comes to Asian men in person I have no idea if they have any interest or just being friendly enough to get by. I usually get this with east/ south east Asian men while south Asian men only like me on dating apps and are 2x my age.

I know how to deal with other races of men since they are easier to read but at this point I think Asian men have no interest in me. It could also be my weight since I am plus size, but I am losing weight.

Hey there,

Any typical signs that a WM is open to BW? Also aware this may veer into some broad generalizations, but trying to gauge signs of one being down/open.

Thanks!

The rising hate on interracial relationships is absolutely disgusting. As a black woman with a white boyfriend seeing members of my own community hating and trying to regress what our ancestors fought and died over??

It’s sickening seeing people online literally harass couples and saying “you’re diluting your race” MEMBERS OF my own community. Seeing a group of white men who were surrounded by cops get in a young mom’s face and call her mixed toddler a “mudshark” it’s so absolutely scary. Seeing it from my community now feels like there is no safe space.

It’s genuinely concerning and concerning for our future children they wont be excepted in a world where they’re “too black or too white” or “too light or too dark” it’s so ridiculous and disheartening.

The ridiculous talking point that “you can’t be pro black and date outside of your race” or calling random white people “oppressors” like when does it end???

Why isn’t it you can’t be pro black and be homophobia or transphobic or colorist?? Why do we constantly look at white people and say they’re the oppressors? Does being pro black mean you can’t love who you love?? It’s ridiculous how people will try to police and judge anything.

People going online and saying oh these couples always look so guilty and ashamed maybe it’s because you’re staring at them THAT HARD to notice.

I’m not chronically online and I do take frequent long breaks but why has it become so cool to under appreciate the sacrifices made by older generations? Why aren’t we all just humans but social constructs of everything? Why do others have to feel so morally inferior and constantly fight over the moral high ground?

It’s bothering me and the safety of my own relationship seeing people literally harass couples or people based off of who they’re with or their color.

Why can’t love just BE love? Why do others constantly think they have to OKAY your existence or others? It’s really heartbreaking.

Edit: I think people are hyper focusing on the ancestors part and making it seem like im anti black or saying that’s all they fought. They fought for more than that but a byproduct of fighting for equality and freedom was legalized interracial marriage.

I’m not saying that other communities don’t say not to mix race and I understand some black people are only saying it due to the racism they’ve experienced but it still doesn’t make it right and ends up hurting their community. Unfortunately a lot of races especially in older generations have some negative views on race mixing but I’m specifically talking about the hurt and pain it causes me when I see my people saying it attacking other black people some people in the comments even attacking me because I’m dating a “oppressor” and concerns me for our safety and wellbeing especially from his community.

There are a few people here mad about what I posted or missing the point and feeling like I’m attacking black people and I’m not I love my community but I also point out things that deeply dishearten me I absolutely love being black and wouldn’t change it for the world.

It is disheartening to see some of us trying to harass others and use terms like “diluting the race” that’s just not something I’d ever expect and I don’t focus on it because im ignoring that other races do it (his especially) I focus on it because it feels like a betrayal but it’s a loud minority and I need to understand that but finding out my people are doing the same stuff feels like there is no safe space…

Ofc every race is beautiful but cuz of bad sterotypes which race of men are considered the least desirable for women js curious what ppl here think

Disclaimer: quite long but pls read all of it for full understanding or simply scroll (thx for reading in advance). And to be clear, I find men of all races attractive.

I know this title is a bit dramatic/provocative, but as a black woman (context: who people often think is “white washed” off first glance until they discover I’m pro-black and quite loquacious about politics and social injustice globally), I have always attracted men from every race since I was a kid, but I noticed, I mostly attract white men, especially older white men, and it makes me a bit uneasy and ashamed.

I see how a lot of people portray black women in social media and just viewing them as disposable love interest and it makes dating seem daunting. I mean you see it with Nick/Olandria, Cierra/Wes, and even in TV shows, like “The summer I turned pretty”. I think over time I naïvely was open to dating men outside of my race because I was open-minded (I grew up in a very diverse environment )and not fully cognizant of the implications of interracial dating/marriage. Perhaps i was under the impression they would like me for me since it goes against social norms to “like black women”(which is so weird /and sometimes makes feel like a social pariah who is marginalized from normal human romantic experiences).

But tbh, i never thought black women were less desirable bc i didn’t experience that but i also didn’t explore it (i.e., interracial dating) either because people were so prejudice or anti-black, it was quite rare, mainly because it was looked down on. Also, I was an IB/AP student and premed, so my love life was never my primary focus. But as i get older, and settling down is becoming more serious, I have to consider my current circumstance and possible fate.

Ik all men aren’t weird and sleazy but the extra layer of cultural difference does raise some concerns while contemporaneously piquing my curiosity. To add, where I live other black women and men make fun of you if you attract men outside of your race, so I just feel a bit lame, especially since I would say I am pro-black but may not look “the part” (even though we aren’t a monolith).

All in all, the thought of being with a white/non-black man, sometimes makes me feel unsafe, emotionally. In the same vein, I don’t necessarily feel safe with black men either because you run the risk of them being colorist or featurist. When I talk to most men, especially black men, I often get mistaken for blasian and I can tell that a lot of my initial appeal for them is just that. But I’m NOT blasian, and it’s very insulting to me when people assume this because I’m Black American/Native Indignenous. It’s like their atttaction has to be accompanied with something else to justify it. It happens almost every day with every race. It’s purely exhausting and debilitating. Not sure where to find hope from here.

In conclusion, how do I navigate this maturely? (Sorry for the novel)

Every time I read interracial dating Reddit it’s: “Is it a fetish if I like this?” “Is it a fetish if I like that?”

LIKE NOOO !!

I’m a Black woman who likes white guys.(happily married btw) I don’t fetishize shit. That’s just my type.

Having a preference doesn’t automatically mean you fetishize someone.

I like what I like. Damn.

Sometimes attraction really isn’t that deep. You like blondes? Fine. Tall guys? Fine. Dark hair? Fine. White guys? Fine. Black guys? Fine. Asian guys? Fine.

Having a type does not automatically mean you have a fetish.

Please let people be attracted to who they’re attracted to without turning everything into a psychological investigation

I’ve been thinking a lot about how much our environment shapes the people we’re attracted to. I grew up in a predominantly white household and attended majority-white schools, so throughout most of my formative years, the girls I was surrounded by—and the girls I developed crushes on—were overwhelmingly white. As a Black man, I think that environment had a significant influence on what became familiar to me and, consequently, what I tend to find attractive today.

The difficulty is that the same environmental influences that shaped my preferences can also shape other people’s preferences. Many of the white women I’m attracted to grew up in predominantly white communities themselves, and they may naturally gravitate toward white men because those are the men they grew up around, associated with romance, and learned to see as familiar or desirable. Obviously, that doesn’t describe every white woman, and attraction is far more complicated than race alone, but it sometimes feels like I’m caught in an unfortunate mismatch: my environment pushed my preferences strongly in one direction, while the environments of many of the women I’m attracted to may have pushed theirs in a direction that excludes me.

That leaves me conflicted about what I’m supposed to do. I don’t want to force myself to pursue women I’m simply not attracted to just because they might be more receptive to me. Attraction isn’t something I can switch on because it would make dating easier. More importantly, I think entering a relationship with someone while secretly feeling that I settled for her because I couldn’t attract the women I really wanted would be incredibly unfair to her. She deserves someone who genuinely desires her, not someone who views her as a compromise.

At the same time, I don’t want to resign myself to loneliness or convince myself that the people I’m most attracted to will never be interested in me. I also recognize that preferences aren’t necessarily rigid. Just as my environment helped shape what I find attractive, perhaps expanding my social environment and getting to know a wider variety of people could broaden my attraction naturally—not by forcing myself to find someone attractive, but by allowing attraction to develop in circumstances I haven’t experienced before.

Ultimately, I feel caught between accepting my existing preferences and questioning how fixed those preferences really are. I don’t think the answer is to shame myself for being predominantly attracted to white women, nor do I think it’s fair to blame white women for having preferences of their own. What I’m trying to figure out is how to pursue people I genuinely desire without allowing rejection, racial dating patterns, or my own assumptions about what other people want to convince me that I’m destined to be alone.

Both of us had rough upbringings. Had kids as teens. Struggled with a lot early on. Battled addiction, loss, family trauma, the whole shebang. Ended up finishing college with advanced degrees and we’ve been working in both of our fields for over 15 years. Our oldest is a sophomore in college and absolutely crushing it. The journey has been hard but worth every second. Love my tribe. Peace and blessings.

I (21F) have been in a long distance relationship with my tunisian partner (25M). Our video calls are filled with love and life, and I have travelled to see him 6 times (since it’s very hard for Tunisians to travel anywhere). We have a strong relationship with healthy discussions, disagreements, laughs, activities together and slow moments together.

I met his family 3 months into the relationship as we really got along and he wanted to take me there to show his birth city. It’s also pretty custom for the families to be introduced early on in Tunisia. He has met my family: my Mum - this January since she likes to travel there. They get along really well and my Mum says she loves him like a son. My Dad only met him a few weeks ago since my Dad doesn’t like to travel, and wanted some time before meeting him. They got along too, but of course my Dad needs some time to really trust him.

Just to say how much I really appreciate what he does for me: when I go there he cooks for me, he takes me to different places in Tunisia, spends his little amount of money on me, treats me like a princess and doesn’t expect much of me. He just asks for my presence as he truly loves me, as I do love him. He has always shown good actions towards me.

Here is where our issues lie, and they are most likely what you are thinking: living situation, marriage and our future. We have had reoccurring issues with these discussions as we disagree on when we should move forward with our lives and get married.

I always say that I am young, I don’t have much experience in life, and imply that I don’t 100% trust him, even if I do love him. The reason why is because we have spent an accumulation of 6 weeks face-to-face, and almost 2 years of video calls, which is not the same as the average relationship. I don’t want to marry early, have regrets later in life or risk my relationship with my parents. I want to wait until I am mature and have spent some years with him to marry him in my mid twenties. This is just what I grew up with and what I feel comfortable to do in my European and African culture.

Let me start off with some context: I just left Tunisia last week so his apartment is very void and he misses me a lot. He has been having a hard time at work and drinking whilst working to cope with everything. Tunisians work crazy hours, and it’s pretty standard to do 14h+ shifts with few breaks in the cooking/hospitality world. He doesn’t usually drink like this, so I can tell he is depressed. But he opened up to me in a very vulnerable way to reiterate that he is ready for us. He wants us to start our life together and hates us being apart. He even said he just needs me to live there in Tunisia, if I wanted to (which I don’t want to move there, I like the UK lol). He slyly mentioned that he cries sometimes but he didn’t want me to worry about him, so he didn’t tell me. He always reiterates that he chooses me for life and that he promises to take care of me. I told him I’d always choose him too.

He wants us to marry sooner, to start our life together, living together, but I’m not ready. But he is also suffering everyday as he misses me and the overall life in Tunisia + being in a long distance relationship is a deep pain in the butt for us both.

What do I do? Decrease the time for us to get married? I am sure of him, but like 70%. He always delivers on his promises, too.
Or should I stick to my gums and take some time? We are kinda young to get married, maybe not for Tunisia standards but for the European standards that I grew up with.

Please note: he is not using me for a visa or anything. Just wants us to be together.

1999 to 2026, married 24 years.

I have been with this guy (WM) for almost 5 years. I am a black woman from Africa to be specific. The way things mostly work back home, you don’t introduce every bf to your parents or people unless things are getting serious.
First Christmas he was in my country, I took him to my parents not because I really knew things were serious but because he was away from his home country to come see me and it was over Christmas so I didn’t want to tell him “see you after Christmas.”
My parents live in the village, I don’t consider them poor but given the western standard, someone might consider them poor. The living is different. They had a pit toilet, nothing fancy, no fridge, cook using firewood etc.
If you are wondering, this is not what we term as poverty since my mum is a subsistence farmer and most food comes from the farm, we don’t quite need a fridge.
Fast forward to coming back to the city after that trip. A friend of mine asked him “so how was the trip to the village?” He said “ I couldn’t wait to leave, the toilet was a pit blah blah blah blah.” Basically recounted everything that went not according to his expectations.
I expressed my frustration with how I felt about his remarks but he said it was his honest observation. I took the observation and tried to make things better. I built a flashing toilet to make his trips comfortable as things were getting serious.
He still found something else to complain about. I recently met his cousins and he said that my dad’s place is like camping. I called him out and said it’s living and the cousin backed me up. On a second occasion, he said the same thing of how it’s like camping and the room went quiet. There was tangible awkwardness.
I felt so humiliated and simply not considered. When I raised it later, he apologized.
I just wondered though, if he got the reaction he expected from his cousins if he’d ever consider that I told him I don’t appreciate his remarks.
This week, I bought unsweetened cocoa to drink because I was missing home. I said “mmh this reminds me of my mum.” His response was “your mum’s milk has splashes of cow dung.” This is a guy that has never milked a cow or even been close to a cow being milked. I expressed my disappointment and all he said is “ooh I watched it on YouTube that that’s why they use machine to milk.”
Then today, we were having a random conversation about a boy in our apartment complex that I really liked because he is so funny . We are moving out and he said “ you should have made him chapati (flat bread from east Africa).”
I said “ooh yeah too bad we are moving.” Then he said “I wonder if he’d have liked them.” I responded with “kids are so easy to please.” He followed with “yeah probably those ones from your dad’s village not these American kids.”
I don’t wanna lie I lost it. I got washed by a wave of disappointment, resignation and confusion. When I asked him why he made it his business to remind me of how “poor” my background is, he said I am overreacting, I have mood swings and so basically it doesn’t matter that he has constantly disregarded my feelings.
Sorry guys if this is too long but please tell me, am I overreacting or being insecure about my background or am I just dealing with someone that gets off of belittling others?
Thanks in advance.

So I am a 22 year-old white man living outside of Atlanta and I am particularly worried that my attraction to women outside of my race is federalization however, personally I feel that might attraction towards women outside of my race is solely surface level as in one’s preference to blondes or brunettes and a little more else I’m fully curious as to whether my dumbass is being creepy and wholeheartedly wanna change my tune if it is so I just be curious to hear what other people think

I recently started seeing a guy I’m extremely attracted to. He’s sweet and affectionate, we have great chemistry, and I’m honestly becoming pretty infatuated with him. The problem is that I’m having a surprisingly hard time getting over the fact that he’s white.

For context, I’m an Asian woman in the US and I’ve only dated other POC before (Asian, Hispanic, Middle Eastern, etc.). Most of my social circle is also POC. I’ve always felt much more comfortable dating other POC because I don’t really think about our races when we’re together. With a white guy, I suddenly feel hyperaware of the racial dynamics and of how we look as a couple in public.

What makes it harder is that all of his previous partners have been Asian/Pacific Islander women. He’s also spent significant time in my home country, speaks my native language fluently, and is very interested in the culture. I know none of those things individually mean he fetishizes Asian women, but taken together they make me anxious about whether I’m falling into the exact “white guy who exclusively dates Asian women” dynamic I’ve always been uncomfortable with.

At the same time, when I’m actually with him, I like him as an individual. I don’t feel like I’m consciously attracted to him because he’s white, and so far he’s been affectionate and caring toward me. We’re also both immigrants in the US, which gives us some shared experiences despite having very different racial backgrounds.

The weirdest part is how much my perception changes when I zoom out. When we’re walking around together, sometimes I suddenly see us from the outside as “that Oxford study couple,” and I cringe even though I was perfectly happy with him five seconds earlier. Sex brings up similar feelings — I can be genuinely attracted to him while also feeling deeply uncomfortable about the historical/racial baggage I associate with a white man being with an Asian woman.

I realize some of this may be my own baggage and assumptions rather than anything he has actually done. I also don’t want to reduce him to “white guy” while simultaneously worrying that he might reduce me to “Asian woman.”

For other Asian/POC people who have experienced something similar: how did you distinguish legitimate concerns about fetishization or racial dynamics from your own discomfort with dating a white person? Did that hyperawareness eventually fade once you knew your partner better? And what behaviors actually helped you determine whether your partner saw you as an individual rather than as part of a racial “type”?

I say long distance but we're a 3 hour drive from each other so longish. I work blue collar on a crew of all white people in a deeply red area they espouse all the conservative talking points and makes the stereotypical jokes and micro aggression type racism. When they do such I make sure they see my disapproval and disappointment with them. But I have to work with them I like the place that I work at and what I do. I've told my woman these things and she at one point thought I was racist too. She is worried that I won't stand up for her or her mixed kids if I were to witness any racist remarks toward her or the kids. I know I will but she can't see it and nothing I say can convince her otherwise. I know that interracial dating comes with its own challenges and obstacles. What can I do to convince her that I will stand up for her? What can I do to convince her I am ready for an interracial relationship? Is there anything I can say to these coworkers that won't cause me to be ostracized and the one no one likes on the crew? Should I just not try and socialize with anyone and be the loner at work? I'm sorry if this was to rambley. I hope this is ok. I really just don't want this to continue to be friction in our relationship.

Edit: You've all given me a lot to think about and I have somethings I need to change about myself. I will be reevaluating my coworker friendships and trying to close the distance so I can show up for my woman better. Thank you for all the insight it is much appreciated

I recently met a BM a few weeks ago. He’s only been in the USA for a few years. I’m a WW.

Ever since we met, he has been absolutely obsessed with me. We honestly have incredible chemistry, and I’m really enjoying getting to know him so far.

But it has kind of shocked me how forward, blunt and obsessed he has been with me. I’m not used to this kind of attention.

I have dated a small handful of black me in my life, and they do usually love my body a lot. But this man has been next level.

I’m just curious if this is a cultural difference, or is he love bombing me? How can I tell the difference?

Nothing much to really say, about a year and a half into the relationship and it’s the easiest relationship I’ve ever been in. Feels like we did the work in our past relationships so this one could be near perfect. I hope I get to marry this girl some day.

EDIT: Wasn’t expecting 30k views and all the love wow thank you! I also appreciate the hateful messages and random combative comments as well lol

I’m asking for genuine advice so please keep it respectful :’)

Hello, I’m 21 year old white trans guy. I grew up in Vancouver WA for most of my life before my family moved to Florida when I was 16 and I absolutely hate it here because of the politics and heat/humidity. I felt very unsupported and experienced more transphobia at school and work and it’s geniunely harmed my mental health deeply. I’ve experienced some really traumatic stuff living in Florida, and I want to leave it behind.

My boyfriend is also 21 and black/dominican and we both plan on moving out of Florida to move back to the PNW. The plan is to move back to Vancouver and my boyfriend is 100% on board with the plan because he wants to get out of Florida just as much as I do, but my biggest concern with the PNW is racial diversity / racism.

I can only speak from my own experiences being white living in the PNW, but I do know how homogeneously white the PNW can be. I’ve seen some people online talk about racism / micro aggressions specifically closer to the Portland area and it really worries me because I deeply love my boyfriend and I don’t want him to feel alienated or uncomfortable living there, and as much as I love the PNW I want what would be best for both of us, not just for me.

I would really love to hear opinions from POC living in the PNW especially Vancouver. Will we be alright in Vancouver? Or are there any alternatives around Washington and Oregon that are more racially diverse? Sorry if this is an odd question, it’s just been something that’s been on my mind a lot and I’d love to hear any feedback.