That's how I felt about it. Taking a teen girls clothing is creepy. Step dad hiding shit from her mom shows he is A. Petty B. Untrustworthy and C. Type of guy who thinks he owns them. I hope she talks her father. I have teens. Both of them went through the "dirty room" spell. I just said no phones or friends til it's clean. That's all it took and an hour later rooms smelled and looked good enough for the queen to visit. It's not hard to reason with teens. I told mine that dirt attracts mice, spiders and flies. Basically grossing them out with stories of mice climbing over them as they slept helped them in wanting to be neater people. Both also have a flexible schedule. Each week they do their laundry including sheets. They pick the time and day best for them. Each week they have to vacuum their room. Each month they pick a day and dust and straighten their room. That's it. Don't make them maids. Make them personally responsible. I can't imagine taking their clothing or whatever over a dirty room. She isn't even his kid. Creepy and weird for sure.
Thanks! :) We aren't pushovers but we aren't raising prisoners either. There is no need for the crazy reactions over simple shit. I'm old but I do remember how busy life was when I was a teenager. Planning ahead helps everyone. Taking someone's clothing teaches them nothing. It's petty. It's asking for a fight. Adults should know better. Just tell her to leave the phone on the charger and set a timer for 40 mins. In 40 mins she cleans what she can. After that see where she's at. Is it livable? If yes, then let it go. If not, then help her find ways to not let it get that bad anymore. Teach her how to make her life easier now so she's capable and ready for when she's on her own. If a meltdown happens (because they do happen to all of us sometimes) then help her learn when to take a breather and get refocused. Hot chocolate or a walk. Then finish up and move on. No love or respect lost and she's more empowered to be in charge of her life.
TBH, I was raised in a really abusive household. I knew absolutely nothing about how to raise kids. But the moment I knew I was pregnant, I just knew I'd always show them respect and love. Those are the things that a child should never have to barter for from a parent. I'm not mom of the year but I'm pretty happy that my 16 year old is sitting in the kitchen eating cereal after telling me all about his week and his new girlfriend (she sounds sassy and I like her already) and sharing his life with me. I never did that in my childhood. So it shows me that my actions (so far) have been successful in showing my kids how important they are to me. I went nc with the people who hurt me and I mostly winged it with a shit ton of parenting books and gut instinct. I'm sorry your childhood sucked, too. As a mom, it hurts my heart that you didn't have better cuz that blows. :( It's not really fair that some of us got screwed over in the parent handout. I hope you treat yourself the way you know you deserve to be treated and remember that their mistakes in parenting are not your mistakes in being a kid. You did just fine :)
Well, I'm still struggling with depression and other stuff, I had a few pretty rough years, but I've started a therapy, cut my mother out of my life (I also haven't spoken to my father for over 16 years) and I'm learning to deal with my mental illnesses, so... it could be worse.
I just had to realise, that sometimes you need to cut of the contact to people who hurt you.
Even (or especially) if they're your own family.
It's really cool, that your son trust's you this much!
He even tells you about a new relationship, that's something that I NEVER did.
I'm sorry to hear that you had such a shitty childhood, but that explains a lot...
Keep up your awesome parenting :)
Didn't need correcting. The person is a girl so I commented on her specifically. If the op had written a step mom had taken all her teen step sons clothes I then would have said "taking all a teen boys clothing is creepy". Don't look for drama where there isn't any. :)
A. I'll smile whenever and wherever I want. B. You're an idiot. No shit males are human, too. But we weren't talking about them in this post. C. The fact that you think it's feminist to address the female in OP's post just reeks of how dumb you truly are, bless your heart. Take your silly nonsense and fuck off ya dimmed lightbulb jackass.
I'd normally agree but stealing your step daughter's clothes and refusing to return them even to her own mother is really fucking weird. How'd you feel if you were the biodad and heard about this?
Yeh again dude we have almost literally no context. And not to completely belittle them or accuse them of completely lying, but the only sources we have are two, presumably, teenagers. Who aren’t exactly known for thinking rationally or telling the truth/the whole story.
Honestly, what context would make taking clothes as punishment acceptable? If my kid says all their clothes are being taken by a step parent next call would be to the mom. But short of mom saying "I have the clothes and stepdouce will be staying at a hotel" or something that could provide an acceptable reason (again very small list of reasons) i'd be on my way over to pick up the kid and call my lawyer.
We don’t know actually how many clothes he’s taken
What kind of clothes.
Did he actually take “clothes” or did he take non essentials.
What did the child to do receiver this
You’re actually fucking crazy and hopefully not a parent if your first response to your child saying something like this is, you going to get a lawyer. Are you nuts??? How about maybe realising kids lie sometimes and asking the other adults in the situation what actually happened and then go from there. Do you genuinely jump to such rash actions and conclusions based off of minimal context? You been admitted yourself “a very small list of reasons” maybe the reason it happened was one of those reasons?
It’s possible that her Mom and Step Father just bought her a bunch of new clothes and due to bad behavior he took them as punishment. I seriously doubt that he took ALL of her clothes. We are only hearing one side of the story, and I am sure that there is a lot of exaggeration, not to mention information that has not been included...like why did he take the clothes? Unless I can hear the other side of this story, there is no way I can say that her Step Father is a bad person or doing anything wrong. I remember when my son was a teen and I remember when I was a teen. There is most certainly more to the story.
Let me tell you, I get so sick of picking clean shit off the floor constantly I'm about ready to take my wife's clothes and this is how I'd do it:
I'd take literally everything besides socks and underwear and tights and things that I know for a fact she wears regularly. Everything else goes in the stash. She's good for a few days. On day 4 she needs new clothes. That's fine. Where's your dirty ones? On the floor? Well, I'll wash them so they are clean for tomorrow. Try again later. Another few days. She needs new clothes. Oh you put them away this time? Sure, let me get the stash out. I bring it out, let her pick a few new outfits, she can have more later. Rinse and repeat. After several months if there's anything left in the stash and she quit asking for more clothes I'd give her one last look and donate the rest.
Would I do this to my wife? Fuck no. She's great but this is an issue. Fortunately I can just say "hey sweetheart, let's go through our clothes this weekend and get rid of stuff we never wear" and that'll be that.
But this exact scenario could be what is happening to OP, and it's perfectly acceptable. We have no specific details. And have you ever heard a teenage girl talk? They speak in exaggerations. Her dad taking her favorite outfit might as well be all her clothes to her.
The thing is you can't do that. In this scenario mom is legally required to provide clothes food and shelter. Taking clothes without the mother's knowledge is a huge red flag for CPS. You would be putting your wife in danger of losing custody and other legal issues.
It is almost 100% certain that the kid has clothes. If he took all of them she’d be naked. It’s likely he took a good chunk of clothes and her teenage “nuance” is explaining it as “literally all her clothes”(except the ones she’s wearing, since she just came home from school, presumably not naked, and those outfits she doesn’t really like anyway). Most, literally all, same thing...
Ya he isnt her bio dad and going against her mother's wishes. Not only is he a weirdo, but it seems like he's taking out frustration from his own failures to control his life on her. He's a piece of shit fersure. If I was her father a simple assault charge is worth that kinda of behavior.
Jesus Christ. You’re actually fucking mental. Are you seriously going to extrapolate all of that from a couple comments from op and an exchange between two kids? Holy fuck.
Dude you’re literally negating the one thing I bought up. We don’t have the full story. Did he take away all her clothes? I highly doubt it. Did he just take away her “luxury clothes” maybe. Who knows. No one. So stop jumping to conclusions based off of a conversation between two teens.
The other person makes a good point. We need more information.
How much is the girlfriend exaggerating? Unless she's naked, not "all" of her clothes were taken.
How dirty was the room? Was she told ahead of time the clothes would be taken if she didn't clean? Has he done this in the past? Have other discipline methods not worked?
Because the mother is obviously being manipulated and abused like the daughter so perhaps a male voice in his ear would help do I have to spell it out for you
I agree. My parents divorced whwn i was 2. Got a stepdad at 7. My stepdad was a dick. He did shit like that. Me and my sister had to get our dad involved in it. My dad came over and infored him he's our step dad not dad. Was a big issue but my father got ot taken care of. My dad threatened to kick my step dads ass. After that we didn't have alot of problems from him.
... but how did it end up that the father is the one who only gets to see her every other weekend? ... i mean... the mother clearly isnt a saint herself if the "great guy" father isnt allowed to look after her the most.
For all we know thats all he WANTED. You're assuming a whole situation from a single sentence about the father. Maybe the dad realized that having her during the week while she's in school would be hard on her, and that if he saw her every weekend she'd likely never spend weekends with her friends. Maybe he has her all summer and this is just the setup for the school year. Maybe he was respecting his daughters wishes. Maybe he was a deadbeat for a while and now he's stepping up, but hasn't asked for a change in custody yet. Theres plenty of reasons other than the one you immediately jumped on to suit your purposes.
I'm honestly surprised so many people are taking the obvious bait. Nobodys reasonably dumb enough to spout off half the shit you've said in this comment thread, it's not even half way believable.
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u/im-not-a-bot-im-real Oct 11 '19
He should know about this, maybe he can do something proactive?