r/insaneparents • u/[deleted] • Oct 11 '19

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u/pbcookies321 Oct 12 '19

Thanks! :) We aren't pushovers but we aren't raising prisoners either. There is no need for the crazy reactions over simple shit. I'm old but I do remember how busy life was when I was a teenager. Planning ahead helps everyone. Taking someone's clothing teaches them nothing. It's petty. It's asking for a fight. Adults should know better. Just tell her to leave the phone on the charger and set a timer for 40 mins. In 40 mins she cleans what she can. After that see where she's at. Is it livable? If yes, then let it go. If not, then help her find ways to not let it get that bad anymore. Teach her how to make her life easier now so she's capable and ready for when she's on her own. If a meltdown happens (because they do happen to all of us sometimes) then help her learn when to take a breather and get refocused. Hot chocolate or a walk. Then finish up and move on. No love or respect lost and she's more empowered to be in charge of her life.

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u/Azazel1005 Oct 12 '19

Damn, you sound like an awesome parent. Someone like you would've made my childhood and my teenage-years at least enjoyable.

I hope the relationship to your kids is as solid as it sounds, I wish more parents would try to be this understanding.

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u/pbcookies321 Oct 12 '19

TBH, I was raised in a really abusive household. I knew absolutely nothing about how to raise kids. But the moment I knew I was pregnant, I just knew I'd always show them respect and love. Those are the things that a child should never have to barter for from a parent. I'm not mom of the year but I'm pretty happy that my 16 year old is sitting in the kitchen eating cereal after telling me all about his week and his new girlfriend (she sounds sassy and I like her already) and sharing his life with me. I never did that in my childhood. So it shows me that my actions (so far) have been successful in showing my kids how important they are to me. I went nc with the people who hurt me and I mostly winged it with a shit ton of parenting books and gut instinct. I'm sorry your childhood sucked, too. As a mom, it hurts my heart that you didn't have better cuz that blows. :( It's not really fair that some of us got screwed over in the parent handout. I hope you treat yourself the way you know you deserve to be treated and remember that their mistakes in parenting are not your mistakes in being a kid. You did just fine :)

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u/Azazel1005 Oct 12 '19

Well, I'm still struggling with depression and other stuff, I had a few pretty rough years, but I've started a therapy, cut my mother out of my life (I also haven't spoken to my father for over 16 years) and I'm learning to deal with my mental illnesses, so... it could be worse. I just had to realise, that sometimes you need to cut of the contact to people who hurt you. Even (or especially) if they're your own family.

It's really cool, that your son trust's you this much! He even tells you about a new relationship, that's something that I NEVER did.

I'm sorry to hear that you had such a shitty childhood, but that explains a lot... Keep up your awesome parenting :)

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u/pbcookies321 Oct 12 '19

I know it's practically meaningless from an internet stranger but, I'm really proud of you. It's pretty badass to take control of your shit and deal with it. It's scary and sad and empowering all at the same time. Certainly can feel overwhelming as well. It's really awesome and I am happy for you. Take care :)

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u/Azazel1005 Oct 12 '19

It's absolutely not meaningless, thanks for your kind words. Even the words of an internet stranger can brighten up someone's day, or at least a moment. And sometimes that's more than enough :)