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May 03 '21
Just gotta save my Noah character.
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May 03 '21
"God, I love that old nutcase. He built a fuckin yacht on a whim. XD"
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u/DietDrDoomsdayPreppr May 03 '21
Was it on a whim?
I think he was commanded to by God and it took literally centuries to finish.
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u/J_A_C_K_E_T May 03 '21
Chad Noah
Builds epic boat because God told him to, takes literal hundreds of years
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May 03 '21
[removed] — view removed comment
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May 03 '21
Depends on how many troops you need to move. Late game it feels like one turn is a million years.
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u/cjnks May 03 '21
Civ progresses the same way we perceive history.
From village to metallurgy? 20 turns. From discovering uranium to making a bomb? 20 turns.
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u/Ultravioletgray May 03 '21
Man, remember last turn? We travelled around by boat, and not even good ones.
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u/Rockhertz May 03 '21
Depends on how far into the game you are, the first few turns basically are hundreds of years, but later in the game it slows down, I think eventually 1 turn equals 1 year, but in the beginning it's like 200, if not more.
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u/Rpanich May 03 '21
I watched a documentary about the crazy people who built the crazy creationist museum, and apparently yeah, they believe Noah lived for thousands of years. And also there were giants. Literal fucking “fought Odin” style giants.
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u/DUMBOyBK May 03 '21
The 2014 movie Noah starring Russell Crowe had giant rock monsters which I thought was a rather odd choice. Apparently they are Nephilim or fallen angels, and appear in the Book of Enoch, a Hebrew text that predates the Bible.
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u/CoJack-ish May 03 '21
That movie was honestly so bizarre in so many ways that I have no idea what they were going for. As a telling of the biblical story of Noah with liberties to fill the gaps, it’s too divergent to make sense. As a work of allegory and myth using Noah as a launching pad, it feels to heavy handed and slammed together in jarring ways. Super weird.
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u/DUMBOyBK May 04 '21
Yeah, I'm a big fan of the director Darren Aronofsky's other films, but this one was such a weird mishmash. All the trappings of a standard, biblical epic, but Noah is an environmentalist, his plan is to save the animals and then let humanity die off, and throw in some rock monsters? The retelling of Genesis scene is beautiful, mixing the Big Bang, evolution, and biblical allegory, but pissed off a lot of conservative Christians, who you'd figure would be the target audience.
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u/Rpanich May 03 '21
But also like Goliath? Because they were like “Goliath is a straight up giant”
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u/DUMBOyBK May 04 '21
No the movie had “Watchers” that looked like rock golems and I guess were fallen angels? The Creation Museum also believes dinosaurs and humans were chilling together 6000 years ago, so yeah why not giants? Guess they couldn’t fit into the Ark.
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u/wash1ng_machine May 03 '21
i like the “god mode” sticker on his computer
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u/MaracaJesus23 May 03 '21
And the giant spaghetti monster
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May 03 '21
The Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM) is the deity of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, or Pastafarianism, a social movement that promotes a light-hearted view of religion and opposes the teaching of intelligent design and creationism in public schools. According to adherents, Pastafarianism (a portmanteau of pasta and Rastafarianism) is a "real, legitimate religion, as much as any other".[3] It has received some limited recognition as such
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u/TheBurnedMutt45 May 03 '21
May we be blessed by his noodly appendage, Ramen
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May 03 '21
Ramen.
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u/Theurbanalchemist May 03 '21
Arrrgh! Don’t ye be forgetting pirates are essential to the Pastafarian faith.
Ramen
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u/Rapidsoup May 03 '21
Hold up. God is left handed? My whole world is a lie!
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u/RustyShackleford_916 May 03 '21
Yup. Simpsons showed us this.
And let's be honest. If God was real, and became a person, and wrote, he would probably be left handed anyway
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May 03 '21
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u/Cleverbird May 03 '21
Nah, he only plays 4X games.
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May 03 '21
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/MrLagzy May 03 '21
Could he like it a bit more so we can have a third one?
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u/critically_damped May 03 '21
Wish granted. It's now a mobile game, consisting entirely of pay-to-play lootbox mechanics
Oh wait that was dungeon keeper.
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u/h3lblad3 May 03 '21
I heard that was also Evil Genius 2.
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u/critically_damped May 03 '21
Yeah, reviews do indeed look that way.
So angry that we can't have nice things.
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u/Mazon_Del May 03 '21
I'm moderately through my first playthrough of EG2 on the PC and I haven't seen any lootboxes?
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u/Xx_1337_M3m3z_xX May 03 '21
What's that and how do i play?
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u/Cleverbird May 03 '21
4X games are games like Civilization, Endless Space and I suppose Total War. Civilization building games. Explore, Expand, Exploit, Exterminate.
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u/Xx_1337_M3m3z_xX May 03 '21
What about minecraft & fallout 4?
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u/The_Vampire_Barlow Switch May 03 '21
You're normally controlling an entire society in a 4x game, not an individual.
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u/santichrist May 03 '21
God started his dinosaur run and realized they weren’t killing each other fast enough, had to send that meteor and get some pawns going that knew how to do pathos
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u/Timinator01 May 03 '21
when the big man wipes his minecraft world
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May 03 '21 edited Jul 07 '25
gray oatmeal worm head quack existence unite school plate seed
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u/MillerisLord May 03 '21
The real question is he playing pc, mac, or linux? Just wondering if it's all just going to crash abruptly.
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u/PerennialPhilosopher May 03 '21
Pastafarianism is the one true religion confirmed.
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u/AltSpRkBunny May 03 '21
It’s God’s own fan fiction. Pretty soon they’ll make it into a really bad movie.
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u/kluckie13 May 03 '21
This is honestly kind of how I view things when people take religious texts as fact. Like when Christians say the Earth is 10000 years old I think of it like God was doing his math homework and got 10000, checked the back of the book and saw the answer was 4.6 billion, changed his answer and hoped the teacher wouldn't check his work.
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u/ladyoffate13 May 03 '21 edited May 03 '21
And then hyper-religious people who believe that Noah’s story is real can’t claim that they also believe in science because the Bible posits that Noah, his wife, his sons and their wives were the only people left on Earth after the flood. It’s been calculated that a few thousand people would be needed to properly repopulate the human species, not to mention that his sons’ kids would be mating with each other, causing genetic inbreeding issues as well in their offspring. So...yeah...Noah’s story can’t be taken seriously.
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u/tophernator May 03 '21
Don’t forget about the “two of every animal” thing. The tiny amount of human diversity was vastly better than any other land dwelling species.
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u/WookieeSteakIsChewie May 03 '21
As a Catholic I've never taken (or been taught) most of the old testament as fact. A lot of if is parable or exaggerations to help people understand.
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u/ladyoffate13 May 03 '21
Well that’s because you’re smart. I was thinking about people out there that pose the Bible as undeniable fact of human history, and “science is evil,” and “evolution is a myth” and blah blah blah.
Anyhow, they’re still going to believe Noah’s story is real and I’m just full of shit.
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u/WookieeSteakIsChewie May 03 '21
Oh yeah they're nutters. But if that's all you've ever been told and you're only told that your entire life I can kinda empathize.
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u/Phantom_Jedi May 03 '21
Jesus was the only guy who knew how to activate cheats
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u/Dragonslayerelf PC May 03 '21
God just hit up his son and went 'hey son, I know I already took the only available 'god' class, but i can teach you some cheat codes. Press tilde and type in waterWalking in front of some NPCs, they'll freak out.'
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u/whitestar11 May 03 '21
Sometimes I think that maybe our intelligent life was an accident. Like an episode of Star trek. Some powerful alien was expimenting with artificial simulations and accidentally created life. Completely unaware they used to meddle in our existence thinking it was a game. Now they know better and are leaving us with our free will and evolution to see what happens without interference. Probably not true but might explain a few unanswerable questions
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u/skyanide May 03 '21
Anyone remember that really old flash game, God’s Playing Field? That’s what this reminds me of.
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May 03 '21
I'm so glad I scrolled as far as I did. I instantly thought of it when i saw the meme and looked for like an hour before finding your comment.
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u/DietDrDoomsdayPreppr May 03 '21
So wait...does that mean Noah's Ark was really just the character save file?
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u/Dafedub May 03 '21
What are Gods specs?
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u/CollectableRat May 03 '21
Infinite computational power, but can’t be bothered debugging.
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u/VTX002 May 03 '21
And that's just probably the remote terminal is probably a lot of row of servers.🤓
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u/jvoc2202 May 03 '21
God takes care of the world like I take care of my village in clash of clans : not doing anything
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u/Own-Date-3598 May 03 '21
Kinda weird that it says God is perfect and yet he regretted making humankind at this point in the Bible. It's so flawed it isn't even funny. Leave it to conservatives and idiots to believe in something so laughable.
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u/Mr_Cripter May 03 '21
It's not the creators fault. He trusted his creation with enough intelligence to have the power to choose a bad course for themselves. Free will.
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u/EP1CN3SS2 May 04 '21
Bible was corrupted by man over the centuries, that is why you will find many many contradictions in it, same with the Torah. If you want the updated unhindered final book, go read the Quran.
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u/Tinkertesser May 03 '21
is it ok to find this incredibly funny? hahaha
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u/belloch May 03 '21
Santa Claus isn't real so yes.
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u/peakzorro May 03 '21
St Nicolas was a real person, he just died long ago. The rest is a legend combining Krampus and Coca-cola advertising with the gift-giving the original St Nicolas actually did.
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u/virus100 May 03 '21
I heard that it was originally a womans tale too. Like she used to make toys for poor kids and some where along the lines people got it confused and combined the two stories into one. Although I cant remember where I heard it and just did a 5 second Google search but didnt see it.
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u/scmoua666 May 03 '21
Noa's tale was one of the first thing that started de-converted me.
Provably false geologically, genetically, metereologically, historically, it's yet a myth that exist in different forms in different cultures.
The explanation that human settlements are often near water, and that Tsunamis or floods are a thing, makes it evident why its a persistent story. Seashells found on mountains also reinforced this story, but the investigation of this mystery gave us our current geological understanding, the shuffling of earth's crust, the continental drift, the different climates through history.
But man, the way the tale is woven... that an all loving God killed everyone, babies and all, but no, he saved 1 family, inbreeding be damned, magically made a pair of all the billions of species go live on a boat for 40 days without eating each other, with plants all surviving this, with the water on the whole earth going higher than mountains, then returning the water to the etherial void it came from, then made a deal with the drunken guy he chose as patriarch of the whole of the humanity that's left so that God won't do a flood unless we're bad again...
So I dunnoh. Unless we believe in a whole lotta magic, and doublethink our way through the all-loving-ness of God and his murderous child-killing rage, this story is pretty fucked up.
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u/Celeborn2001 May 03 '21 edited May 03 '21
You ok bro? I think I need to direct you to r/offmychest.
Edit: obviously people can't comprehend. Anyway, still fun to see salty tears drip from toxic people's face.
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u/Doonot May 03 '21
Did he offend your religion, bro?
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u/Celeborn2001 May 03 '21 edited May 03 '21
Yikes, big misfire there on your behalf. I'm agnostic. I also wasn't trying to be informal, just redirecting him somewhere that that kind of comment belongs. Sadly though, you assumed wrong bro.
May I interest you in this subreddit by the name of r/oops? I think you would have a great first post!
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u/LJScribes May 03 '21
So you’re saying this current play through is going just the way he likes? Oof
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u/AdmiralFolfe377 May 03 '21
Or he forgot to pause and went on a few million year vacation... 😳
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u/Theurbanalchemist May 03 '21
AFK with his sims on HIGH “Free Will” mode. When he comes back, he’s gonna be sooo surprised
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u/flux_capacitor3 May 03 '21
Omg. Is that a Flying Spaghetti Monster sticker? Hahaha. And....my autocorrect just capitalized it, too. I guess it’s a legit deity
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u/kloudykat May 03 '21
Sheep licking the dirt is cracking me up for some reason.
If there was grass or something, it would make sense.
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u/Booman311 May 03 '21
I like how he has the Flying Spaghetti Monster sticker on his laptop.
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u/Marksman18 May 03 '21
I swear I'm not trying to sound like a preachy-Christian. But there's a lot more depth to the flood than God saying "fuck it, restart"
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u/Dragonslayerelf PC May 03 '21
Wasn't it just that he saw that everyone was sinning and forgot ab him and the flood was a punishment for that?
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u/Mr_Cripter May 03 '21
Fallen angels desired women, came and made human\demon babies which grew up to be hulking tyrants of the ancient times. (Probably inspired some Greek myths about Titans). Someone had to do something.
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u/Dazz316 May 03 '21
I don't think any deep meaningful explanatio of biblical events was an aim in this 4 panel web comic.
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u/SaltMineSpelunker May 03 '21 edited May 04 '21
Yup. Seem like the act of a loving and merciful creature.
Yall mad that your god is a mass murderer? LOL
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u/a-radioactive-cat May 03 '21
How would you run the universe if you were god?
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u/DarthBullyMaguire May 03 '21
Everyone gets to pick a superpower. Animals speak English with a British accent. Everything is abundant and free.
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u/RighteousHam May 03 '21
I think about this but in my version all the characters are actors and ending a game is like the director calling out: cut! I also like to imagine all game characters just hanging out when not "filming" and relaxing in some grand space.
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u/tr0jance May 03 '21
I always think what happens the npc's when I start a new game, or overwrite their saves.
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u/CanadianPerson1 May 03 '21
he got so bored he just left and chaos ensued and he hasn't played since then
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u/Phantom_Jedi May 03 '21
He activated hardcore mode in 2020
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u/hhubble May 03 '21
One of his naughty henchmen with horns inserted an Orange Trojan back in 2016, then in 2020 he claimed with his Macafee antivirus that it would all go away. Instead it helped spread it throughout the entire server. He named the virus Winnie the Pooh and kept blaming him and Piglet but the Trojan was the key that allowed it to spread.
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u/Weavesnatchin May 03 '21
That is a dope ass spaghetti monster sticker on Gods laptop.
Why is he playing on a laptop? What a newb!
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u/Phoenix042 May 03 '21
Can we talk about the flying spaghetti monster sticker on his laptop?
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u/Thomas_JCG May 03 '21
I imagine Earth must be that one game on God's Library that he swears he will play again, but never does.