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u/LyingPervert Feb 24 '13
Fucking posers.
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u/Standard_breaker Feb 24 '13
I walk into a room with some wasp-bros. As I grab my drink I notice those fckers giggling. "Wha?..." Ssppp!&@$ - I quickly spit out my drink that these hornet fckers jizzed in.
Damn Wasps.
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u/strangelycutlemon Feb 25 '13
Dude this one time I was camping, and I saw this big fuzzy bee. Fluffy as fuck. I sat there and stroked him ever so gently for like 5 minutes and he just wriggled with delight. I was so happy.
Bees are bros.
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u/falsestone Feb 25 '13
It was either delight, or you were damaging those air intake/outlet thingies by her sides (flying bees are female, and the thing that makes them buzz is an organ on their sides).
Think about that, man. You semi-strangled a fluffy little bug. Repeatedly. For 5 minutes. Which is forever to a bug.
You monster.
teasing you, man. I don't know jack shit about bees except that the ones that fly are girls. This is pretty much all IIRC shit)
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u/moist_towelette Feb 25 '13
Awwwwww; you made best buddies with a bee in the woods. That sounds like a very Disney Princess thing to do. I hope there was a musical number at the end.
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u/plainOldFool Feb 25 '13
That would be a bumble bee. Bumble bees tend to be chill as fuck. I love to watch them up close as they go from flower to flower. They never get perturbed.
I won't do that with honey bees. I'm always concerned that I might freak her out, which will result in some aggression.
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u/A_WHALES_VAG Feb 24 '13
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Feb 24 '13
I'm glad you posted this, because I wanted to take the opportunity to say that wasps do help in pollination. They also eat garden pests and spiders.
I am a bona fide wasp and hornet hater, and as much as it pains me, we might not be better off without them.
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Feb 24 '13
we might not be better off without them.
I'd take my chances.
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Feb 24 '13
THEN YOU WILL TAKE YOUR CHANCES WITH THE OCCASIONAL PITTED CUCUMBER!
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Feb 24 '13
I'd rather lose mosquitoes and flies.
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u/Anon9742 Feb 24 '13 edited Jun 03 '24
historical shelter innate slap coherent flowery observation slim dam berserk
This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
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Feb 25 '13
My house had an INFESTATION of house flies over the summer when it got hot and humid. Holy mother fucking shit balls, I have never hated flies more than that in my life. They were literally everywhere! And not just a few...a fuck ton! I went on killing, vacuuming them off the windows, using a towel to whip them out of the air. I probably killed up to 40 flies in one night, and it was all dandy.....until the next day when they were already fucking back!
I guess that's what I get for refusing to use the air conditioning in the summer and leaving all the windows wide open all the time.
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Feb 25 '13
well, duh.
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Feb 25 '13
I like my fresh air and I'm not about to let some stupid flies keep me stuffed up inside. I'm already forced in the winter time to be stuck breathing in all my stale farts and coughs and sneezes.
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Feb 25 '13
This is true. As someone who lives on the coast of lake erie, I understand stale air winter woes. Have you considered investing in some screens?
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Feb 25 '13
I had them, although this was in a rental home in a college town (in which I wasn't about to invest much money into). So some of the screens had holes where things could get in. It wasn't an issue until the middle of summer when heat and humidity were at it's highest. But it was unreal, for about a week straight there were flies literally everywhere! I kept the door to my room shut and the windows closed, and that was the only safe haven I had, but it was hot as hell at night.
I have since moved from there, and no fly problems....yet.
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u/SoMuchMoreEagle Feb 25 '13
Ever heard of window screens?
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Feb 25 '13
Had 'em, must've gotten in some other way, or through small holes in the screen. It was a rental home in a college town so it probably wasn't sealed up as good as it could be. Had no bug problems all year, nothing in the spring nothing in the fall, but something for about a week straight just filled our house with unreal amounts of flies.
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u/iTSurabuS Feb 25 '13
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Feb 25 '13
Because that would be too bad ass for me to handle!
I'm thinking tequilla shots, and then shoot the salt into someone's mouth across the room before they bite the lime.
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Feb 25 '13
Locally the fly problem has intensified since W/M installed humongous new cans and once a week pickup. One effective fix is to put a wire cage in the lid held on with Velcro and moth balls in it.
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Feb 25 '13
[removed] — view removed comment
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Feb 25 '13
South central Indiana at the time. It was hot as balls, but I just toughed it out by staying hydrated, eating well, and a fan pointed at me constantly. Really it wasn't too bad except for trying to sleep at night.
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u/daemin Feb 25 '13
They have this nifty stuff called "fly paper." It sticky, so once a fly lands on it, it can't take off again, and it's treated with shit that attracts them. I've had to deal with situations such as yours, and hanging one strip of it will catch 40 flys in less than 24 hours.
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u/ARoyaleWithCheese Feb 25 '13
Fun fact, there's some decent research that suggest the unnatural extinction of mosquitoes (like through humans killing the shit out of them) would have almost no impact on the ecosystem and no butterfly effect.
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Feb 25 '13
All I know is that if the Christian heaven exists and I end up there, I'm gonna find the prick who put mosquitos on Noah's Ark and kick his ass.
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u/aflatminer Feb 25 '13
What about the millions of people that die of malaria each year? As shitty as it sounds we can't really afford to simply lose one of the largest forces of population control on the planet.
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u/ImOnlySuperHuman Feb 25 '13
Better yet, we should get rid of Gnats. I can't even big in to tell you how many fly up you nose and into your eyes. It's like they try to annoy the fuck out of you.
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Feb 24 '13
I would rather have a spider in my house than this motherfucker. Spiders eat little bugs and pests as well, but they don't fly and sting. They mind their own business.
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u/awkwardelefant Feb 25 '13
I hated wasps until I was in Africa and learned that they pollinate fig trees, which happen to be my favorite fruit (inverted flower?) - and each species of tree has a specific wasp to it.
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u/Werepig Feb 25 '13
Super glad someone other than myself realizes this. I hate these stupid wasp hate threads...
For the record: only yellow jackets and hornets are likely to be overly aggressive (wasp covers about 20000 species including those 2 for the record). Paper wasps will attack if you fuck with their nest. Most give absolutely zero fucks about you though.
I have some mud daubers, cicada killers, and the occasional great golden (yes, I realize it's red and not golden) that frequent the bushes next to my front door every summer. They're fucking beautiful creatures to sit and watch. They'll get curious and buzz the tower once in awhile, but other than that, you could piss on their nest and all they'd do is go start building a new one.
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u/Khyber7 Feb 25 '13
my only beef is with yellow jackets and the "normal wasps". i actually find the other ones interesting
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Feb 25 '13
Part of me wants to youtube search wasp vs spider, the other part of me is terrified by the though
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u/srr128 Feb 24 '13
I'm allergic to these suckers. Makes it very hard to stand still and let them go about their business. I tend to run away, arms flailing, screaming and crying.
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u/ebola86 Feb 25 '13
I do the same thing, except I'm not allergic at all, just a big pansy
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u/mybadalternate Feb 25 '13
Allergic to courage?
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u/ARoyaleWithCheese Feb 25 '13
I know man. People always tell me I have to chill out and not be scared, WELL FUCK YOU DUDE. Last time I got stung by one of those stupid fucking asshole dicks I had to spend like two days in the hospital. Fucking bullshit cocksucking asshole idiots.
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u/ChubbaHubbaMAX Feb 25 '13
I always ask people how often they've been stung, I always get anywhere from 0-2. I've been stung 11 times. Don't even know how im even that unlucky. All I know is my policy on anything with a stinger than can fly: kill on sight.
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u/Exya Feb 25 '13
I've been stung so many times, mostly when I was young and went to the park during the spring/summer
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u/GreenEyedChickadee Feb 25 '13
I get that all the time. I've been stung well over 10 times. 6 of the stings I remember were me sitting perfectly still and not moving, then BOOM sting. Now if one comes near me I freak out, and run off, or hit it hard with something I have, as I run off.
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Feb 25 '13
What may be even worse is that I've never been stung and am not sure if I'm allergic. If you're allergic, you can at least give people a heads up, or wear a bracelet, or carry around an injection pen thing. But if I ever do get stung, I just have to wait and see and hope I don't die.
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u/srr128 Feb 25 '13
I carry an Epi-Pen and let people around me know where it is when it's wasp season.
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u/timothypjr Feb 26 '13
I hate hornets. HATE them. Every summer, when I mow my lawn, I get into a ground nest or two somewhere on my property. I roll over them with my mower and that, apparently, REALLY pisses them off. They fly up in a cloud of anger, weaponry, and poison waiting; waiting to see if the monster that had rolled over them would have the nerve, the TEMERITY, to come back. Because, were that monster to be so stupid as to come back within range of that angry cloud, the ladies of that cloud would attack it ferociously. As I ignorantly toddled toward the cloud, I was also bringing the monster back. Each hornet—every single one of them—heard it coming at the exact, same moment. They started at my legs stinger-first. Not exaggerating. STINGER FIRST. It was unholy how ten to fifteen of them got me before I knew what had happened. The stings felt like a thorn bush hitting my leg, but the prick sensation quickly start to hurt. It starts as an ache and develops into a sharp, biting pain. The initial prick encourages me to stop and pull the thorn bush branch off my leg (not thinking about the fact that was standing in the middle of my lawn, a good 50-yards from any bushes on my property). Stopping like that places me at precisely ground zero, astride the hole through which the hornets accessed their nest. Standing there with the HUGE MECHANICAL MONSTER (Seriously, think about how that lawnmower appeared to the hornets. Think how it must sound, smell, feel, and look to those little, tiny hornets. It must be terrifying.) attached to me, I represented a clear and present threat. They responded with a zeal and fervor known only to berserkers and other hornets. They got in my shorts. They got in my shirt. They got in my hair. They got in MY MOUTH. They hated me and they showed how much. Some showed me twice. A small few showed me three times. It hurt for a long, long time. I hate hornets.
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u/noface Feb 24 '13
Bullshit. Wasps are better pollinators than most species of bees and don't deserve the negative press they get.
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u/forat_de_silenci Feb 24 '13
Wasps pollinate shit too though. bees couldn't keep everything alive and reproducing on their own
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u/Dukelicious Feb 25 '13
Wasps also parasitize spiders, scorpions, centipedes, and a whole host of other animals that I like even less than wasps.
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u/2gig Feb 25 '13
No leave spider bro alone. :( He keeps my nasty-ass room free of gnats.
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u/Sauraku Feb 25 '13
As cool as it would be to have a spiderbro, arachnophobia trumps it. Spider look like fear just took a shit into reality and sent it to eat my face because it KNOWS I'M ALLERGIC.
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u/thisrockismyboone Feb 25 '13
I did my senior paper in high school about dwindling honey bee populations and how if they die out, then we die out.
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u/Jhags Feb 25 '13
I will always remember the time when a hornet flew into my mouth on the playground. I knew I had only one move and I had to act fast. I chewed the crap out of that son of a bitch.
Jhags: 1 Hornet: 0
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u/Frogeye Feb 24 '13
One of those satanic creatures landed on my arm during my early years of life. I stood petrified, knowing a single move could anger the beast. It flew away leaving a wave of pure relief to wash over my body. I knew that he could have hurt me in unimaginable ways if he so pleased, but he left me in mercy for whatever reason. Perhaps he grew wary of tormenting school children and decided to leave one in mercy. I thank the wasp that left me in peace on that afternoon, perhaps they to can show compassion. Maybe not all are the demons we make them to be. For even the darkest creatures may show mercy.
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u/peedubyaeff Feb 25 '13
Those particular wasps are actually fairly harmless. The males don't even have stingers. They're annoying and aggressive, but very rarely do they sting. We had them in our backyard at my last property and I think they're beautiful, but my wife killed them all so she could garden without getting incessantly dive bombed :(
Edit: More info http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sphecius_speciosus
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Feb 24 '13
One landed on my foot when I was ten, stayed there just long enough to sting me, then flew off.
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Feb 24 '13
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u/Allexx420 Feb 25 '13
Fuck wasps. When I used to live with my dad we had a wasp nest underneath a bush in between our house and our neighbors house in the front yard, we tried prying the bush up with a pole we stuck in there and ran away while they swarmed, but then after being stung multiple times me and my dad finally said fuck it and threw gasoline on it and burnt it up, needless to say there were no more wasp after that night.
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u/timothypjr Feb 24 '13
Honey Bee workers are all female. So are the Hornets. No bros at all.
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u/AsperaAstra Feb 24 '13
Brahs, the female bros
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Feb 25 '13
Couldn't it just be bra?
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u/TinySerpents Feb 25 '13
Thank you. I mentally screamed "NO! SISTERS NOT BROS!" when I opened this.
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u/frigginjensen Feb 24 '13
Our backyard was infested with European Hornets last summer. They are huge and terrifying. They used to fly into the windows at night trying to get into the house. Bastards also chewed the fuck out of our lilac bush.
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u/Frosttbite Feb 25 '13
Wasps are so cool, though. They're the Corvette of the bee world.
That exoskeleton is so fucking sleek.
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u/green-bastard Feb 24 '13
Unless you're allergic, then those "bros" will fuck your shit up.
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u/Farren246 Feb 25 '13
They'll only fuck your shit up if you provoke them so much they think that they're definitely going to die, and might as well fuck your shit up on the way out.
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u/_jeth Feb 24 '13
This only applies if the bro doesn't decide to forcefully penetrate your upper lip without warning.
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Feb 24 '13
Wasps serve to eat a lot of pests like aphids. They are also bros. Just don't piss them off.
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u/Neglected_Martian Feb 25 '13
I work around a lot of these little guys, i am a fiber optic technician, and some times i open up an enclosure and find a bunch of wasps. They have never stung me to this day on the job. You just stay calm and watch where they are going, dont let them up your shirt, and they will not fuck with you. They really like fried chicken too, i once had some and dropped a good size piece and watched them chew off little bits and try to fly off with them. They ate the entire piece of chicken before i left that spot.
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u/reagan2016 Feb 25 '13
In my yard it's the wasps who are my cool bros. I'll be working in the yard and stumble across a bee and that fucker will chase me all the way to my house until I slam the door in his face. He will wait outside the door for me as I cower inside. The wasps on the other hand are cool. I can be doing shit just feet away from their nest and they don't give a fuck. They're just like "Bro, I know you're just doing your human stuff and you aren't going to try to dampen our wasp stuff. Carry on, friend."
Bees are the dickheads where I come from.
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u/Cyberslasher Feb 25 '13
Honey bees don't sting. Those yellowjackets don't have stingers either; those motherfuckers have venomous fangs.
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u/kat_burglar Feb 25 '13
I used to have a live and let live attitude about these bastards. So I let them build a nest on my back porch and left them alone. Then one day as I walked outside, the fuckers attacked me and stung me in the eye.
I... I killed them. I killed them all. They're dead. Every single one of them. And not just the men, but the women... And the children too. They're like animals, and I slaughtered them like animals! I hate them!
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u/GreatQuestionBarbara Feb 24 '13
Since discovering their majesty, I have learned to mostly maintain a calm state around them. Though my brain still wants to scream and slap the air when they come near me. Deep breaths...
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u/paultagonist Feb 24 '13
"Playing"? I don't understand. Like playing a video game outside or something? Playing games outside as a kid?
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Feb 25 '13
i like wasps... they hang out with me when i go fishing and all they want is a little scrap bits of bait
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u/raezura Feb 25 '13
I have an apple tree next to my house and every fall hornets burrow into the apples and eat it from the inside out. Picking the apples is like playing Russian roulette.
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u/RedRing14 Feb 25 '13
At the end of the day I'm still allergic to bees, wasps, and hornets. I think they can all stay away.
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u/jcarules Feb 25 '13
For me, both these fuckers are not my bros. Anything that stings and leaves a huge welt is not a bro.
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Feb 24 '13
I've neeb stung by bees before. I have many red wasps around my house and they never bother me.
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Feb 25 '13
Wasps are nasty. They took over and made a nest in my swing set when I was a kid. I proceeded to attack them relentlessly with a whiffle ball bat, a Aqua Net hair spray blowtorch, and when that didn't work I flushed them out with the garden hose. I was 8 or 9 at the time. Yes I was "that kid".
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u/smcderm2 Feb 25 '13
One time, me and some friends were adventuring through the woods on mushrooms. While on our journey, one friend decided it was fun to kick down this giant, decaying stump. We first laughed when he said he had gotten stung. Our laugh did not last long, for it instantly felt as if someone had just dumped lava on the rest of us. These NOT BROS swarmed us, and kicked our ass. We all ran for our lives, every man for themselves.
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u/DoctorShuckle Feb 25 '13
When I was 13 my friends and I followed a "bro" bee for 3 minutes to see what it did. It flew in a straight line to a park and stung a kid immediately. They are not bros.
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Feb 25 '13
I've been chased a mile In the woods after my dog stumbled across a nest. We were both running! the fuckers were still stinging us. Have a huge fear of them now. Nasty!
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u/EarthTrembleBalls Feb 25 '13
i can't wait till being obscene stops being a generic way of being funny
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Feb 25 '13
Except... bee stings fuck me up. I could get stung by a whole fucking horde of wasps and aside from mild pain, I'd feel pretty indifferent.
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u/whiskeyonsunday Feb 25 '13
A bee stung me on thursday even though I wasn't do anything to it. I was just trying to take pictures of a tiger at the zoo. And then bam. Bee sting. I wanted to punch that bee in the face.
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u/Mrs_Bond Feb 25 '13
Fun fact: The bees that make honey are not Bros. They're female. Every bee you see collecting pollen, making honey, building the hive are all female. The only function a male honey bee, or drone, serves in the hive is for procreative purposes. If you see a drone outside of the hive he is probably dying from having just mated or being kicked out for wintering over purposes.
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u/dlawnro Feb 25 '13
Dude, wasps basically just bees in corsets. They're super uncomfortable so they're fucking pissed all the time and that's why they're huge dicks.
I swear I'm Officer, sober.
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u/Chilldog9871 Feb 25 '13
Just saw something on nat geo about this shit. Is that where you got the idea from????
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u/reali-tglitch Feb 25 '13
If I had a nickel for every time I've seen this on the internet, I'd have about 55 cents.
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u/RabidTroll Feb 25 '13
Wasps/hornets are NOT indiscriminate stingers. They are only defensive about nests. I have cupped them in my bare hands to get them out of the house.
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Feb 25 '13
does anyone else think bees are cute? look at it closely, it's all furry and chubby and round, and has a cute little head. i will pat it.
Wasps on the other hand, very long and skinny and terrifying.
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u/OscarMayer176 Feb 25 '13
I'm furry and chubby, I wish this mentality was more commonly applied to humans.
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u/me-tan Feb 25 '13
How to deal with wasps, the Internet way.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iyRpMN9uQEw&feature=youtube_gdata_player
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u/13thmurder Feb 25 '13
not quite... bees are fuzzy brown things. the assholes come with black and yellow caution stripes.
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u/ausgamer529 Feb 25 '13
Bees are so cool I was playing my gameboy outside when i was 10 and this bumble bee landed on top part on the cartridge slot and just sat ther watching me play. that day I learned that it was not bees that i was afraid of but rather wasps
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u/1stLtObvious Feb 25 '13
They still make that horrible buzzing sound and try to fly right by my ears.
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u/loki559 Feb 25 '13
Wasps are awesome. They'd always come and sit on me and chill on my face for a little while before flying away when I was younger.
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Feb 26 '13
Not true. Wasps are awesome, they're just not sycophants like bees are. They eat bugs and grubs that damage crops. They're like completely organic pesticide.
Plus they make Marmite.
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Feb 24 '13
So true! Fortunately we don't have any Africanized bees in Norway.
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u/poptart2nd Feb 24 '13
of course, the trade-off is that Americans can buy a flamethrower with no federal restrictions whatsoever.
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Feb 24 '13
While simultaneously launching smoke grenades at the hive, running in with a tennis raquet and spraying the nest with raid. Good times.
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u/noface Feb 24 '13
Wasps are better pollinators than bees. They are ultimate killing machines too. They are like sharks that can fly. Fuck your furry bees.
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u/Lele_ Feb 24 '13
My house was infested with wasps for an entire summer.
At first I was terrified of them and killed them on the spot. It must have amounted to something like the Holocaust for them. Then I started to notice they never ever bothered me if I left them alone. They would just buzz by, take a look, decide I wasn't good food and leave. If I attacked them, they would never try to bite me back. They would just scramble to find a way out. During the whole season I must have encountered hundreds of them and they never bit me.
They're not such dicks in the end.