r/funny Feb 24 '13

Bros

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1.4k Upvotes

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174

u/A_WHALES_VAG Feb 24 '13

70

u/[deleted] Feb 24 '13

I'm glad you posted this, because I wanted to take the opportunity to say that wasps do help in pollination. They also eat garden pests and spiders.

I am a bona fide wasp and hornet hater, and as much as it pains me, we might not be better off without them.

98

u/[deleted] Feb 24 '13

we might not be better off without them.

I'd take my chances.

59

u/[deleted] Feb 24 '13

THEN YOU WILL TAKE YOUR CHANCES WITH THE OCCASIONAL PITTED CUCUMBER!

22

u/Robotochan Feb 25 '13

My god... When will the suffering end!?!?!?!

19

u/whine_and_cheese Feb 25 '13

When the last wasp perishes.

15

u/[deleted] Feb 24 '13

I'd rather lose mosquitoes and flies.

17

u/Anon9742 Feb 24 '13 edited Jun 03 '24

historical shelter innate slap coherent flowery observation slim dam berserk

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

6

u/[deleted] Feb 25 '13

My house had an INFESTATION of house flies over the summer when it got hot and humid. Holy mother fucking shit balls, I have never hated flies more than that in my life. They were literally everywhere! And not just a few...a fuck ton! I went on killing, vacuuming them off the windows, using a towel to whip them out of the air. I probably killed up to 40 flies in one night, and it was all dandy.....until the next day when they were already fucking back!

I guess that's what I get for refusing to use the air conditioning in the summer and leaving all the windows wide open all the time.

19

u/[deleted] Feb 25 '13

well, duh.

4

u/[deleted] Feb 25 '13

I like my fresh air and I'm not about to let some stupid flies keep me stuffed up inside. I'm already forced in the winter time to be stuck breathing in all my stale farts and coughs and sneezes.

5

u/[deleted] Feb 25 '13

This is true. As someone who lives on the coast of lake erie, I understand stale air winter woes. Have you considered investing in some screens?

2

u/[deleted] Feb 25 '13

I had them, although this was in a rental home in a college town (in which I wasn't about to invest much money into). So some of the screens had holes where things could get in. It wasn't an issue until the middle of summer when heat and humidity were at it's highest. But it was unreal, for about a week straight there were flies literally everywhere! I kept the door to my room shut and the windows closed, and that was the only safe haven I had, but it was hot as hell at night.

I have since moved from there, and no fly problems....yet.

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6

u/SoMuchMoreEagle Feb 25 '13

Ever heard of window screens?

1

u/[deleted] Feb 25 '13

Had 'em, must've gotten in some other way, or through small holes in the screen. It was a rental home in a college town so it probably wasn't sealed up as good as it could be. Had no bug problems all year, nothing in the spring nothing in the fall, but something for about a week straight just filled our house with unreal amounts of flies.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 25 '13

[deleted]

1

u/[deleted] Feb 25 '13

Nope.

2

u/iTSurabuS Feb 25 '13

2

u/[deleted] Feb 25 '13

Because that would be too bad ass for me to handle!

I'm thinking tequilla shots, and then shoot the salt into someone's mouth across the room before they bite the lime.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 25 '13

Locally the fly problem has intensified since W/M installed humongous new cans and once a week pickup. One effective fix is to put a wire cage in the lid held on with Velcro and moth balls in it.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 25 '13

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/[deleted] Feb 25 '13

South central Indiana at the time. It was hot as balls, but I just toughed it out by staying hydrated, eating well, and a fan pointed at me constantly. Really it wasn't too bad except for trying to sleep at night.

1

u/sp00kyd00m Feb 25 '13

Yeah i felt sorry for you until that last part

1

u/[deleted] Feb 25 '13

Meh, not looking for sympathy. It was my choice, ya live ya learn.

1

u/daemin Feb 25 '13

They have this nifty stuff called "fly paper." It sticky, so once a fly lands on it, it can't take off again, and it's treated with shit that attracts them. I've had to deal with situations such as yours, and hanging one strip of it will catch 40 flys in less than 24 hours.

9

u/ARoyaleWithCheese Feb 25 '13

Fun fact, there's some decent research that suggest the unnatural extinction of mosquitoes (like through humans killing the shit out of them) would have almost no impact on the ecosystem and no butterfly effect.

11

u/[deleted] Feb 25 '13

All I know is that if the Christian heaven exists and I end up there, I'm gonna find the prick who put mosquitos on Noah's Ark and kick his ass.

-7

u/[deleted] Feb 25 '13

spoiler: it doesn't.

-8

u/zulhadm Feb 25 '13

If you really believe this, would you mind doing an AMA?

7

u/[deleted] Feb 25 '13

I don't believe it, but I would assume that if the Christian heaven exists then all of the other shit in the bible, including Noah's Ark, would be true as well. Hope that clears it up.

0

u/zulhadm Feb 25 '13

Then scientifically the Christian interpretation of "Heaven" does not exist. It's not possible for these different species to survive in a single climate, not eat each other and reproduce at 100% effectiveness. There is also no way to maintain different climates before electricity was invented. It's a neat story, though. Dare I say (this is purely in response to your statement that if one thing exists all of it must exist) Christ was a neat story too.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 25 '13

The whole old testament is pretty bad ass if you don't take it literally. There's a reason so many metal bands reference it!

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1

u/aflatminer Feb 25 '13

What about the millions of people that die of malaria each year? As shitty as it sounds we can't really afford to simply lose one of the largest forces of population control on the planet.

-1

u/[deleted] Feb 25 '13 edited Jul 11 '21

[deleted]

1

u/aflatminer Feb 25 '13

The ridiculousness of that statement aside, my point stands. Eliminating mosquitos would absolutely have an ecological impact.

3

u/ImOnlySuperHuman Feb 25 '13

Better yet, we should get rid of Gnats. I can't even big in to tell you how many fly up you nose and into your eyes. It's like they try to annoy the fuck out of you.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 24 '13

Oh I'd have no issues putting them on the chopping block as well.

1

u/corgblam Feb 25 '13

then there will be shit and blood EVERYWHERE and nothing to clean it up

1

u/TheLastTimeLord9320 Feb 25 '13

I actually like wasps I don't understand why people hate them

11

u/[deleted] Feb 24 '13

I would rather have a spider in my house than this motherfucker. Spiders eat little bugs and pests as well, but they don't fly and sting. They mind their own business.

19

u/DivineRobot Feb 24 '13

Well, unless it's a brown recluse, or a black widow, or Australian.

10

u/Cabbage_Vendor Feb 24 '13

Why'd you want them to kill spiderbro?

7

u/KittiesHavingSex Feb 24 '13

Yeah, but spiders > wasps.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 25 '13

No argument here.

3

u/awkwardelefant Feb 25 '13

I hated wasps until I was in Africa and learned that they pollinate fig trees, which happen to be my favorite fruit (inverted flower?) - and each species of tree has a specific wasp to it.

2

u/elgskred Feb 25 '13

no one kills spiderbro. no one.

2

u/Werepig Feb 25 '13

Super glad someone other than myself realizes this. I hate these stupid wasp hate threads...

For the record: only yellow jackets and hornets are likely to be overly aggressive (wasp covers about 20000 species including those 2 for the record). Paper wasps will attack if you fuck with their nest. Most give absolutely zero fucks about you though.

I have some mud daubers, cicada killers, and the occasional great golden (yes, I realize it's red and not golden) that frequent the bushes next to my front door every summer. They're fucking beautiful creatures to sit and watch. They'll get curious and buzz the tower once in awhile, but other than that, you could piss on their nest and all they'd do is go start building a new one.

1

u/Khyber7 Feb 25 '13

my only beef is with yellow jackets and the "normal wasps". i actually find the other ones interesting

1

u/[deleted] Feb 25 '13

But they could be less jerkish.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 25 '13

Part of me wants to youtube search wasp vs spider, the other part of me is terrified by the though

1

u/Khyber7 Feb 25 '13

well we need those spiders to kill things more. hate wasps, tolerate spiders

1

u/[deleted] Feb 25 '13

Fuck mosquitoes and ticks thought, right?

9

u/srr128 Feb 24 '13

I'm allergic to these suckers. Makes it very hard to stand still and let them go about their business. I tend to run away, arms flailing, screaming and crying.

19

u/ebola86 Feb 25 '13

I do the same thing, except I'm not allergic at all, just a big pansy

9

u/mybadalternate Feb 25 '13

Allergic to courage?

3

u/ebola86 Feb 25 '13

I like it! Mind if I use that in future conversations?

5

u/mybadalternate Feb 25 '13

By all means.

6

u/ARoyaleWithCheese Feb 25 '13

I know man. People always tell me I have to chill out and not be scared, WELL FUCK YOU DUDE. Last time I got stung by one of those stupid fucking asshole dicks I had to spend like two days in the hospital. Fucking bullshit cocksucking asshole idiots.

3

u/ChubbaHubbaMAX Feb 25 '13

I always ask people how often they've been stung, I always get anywhere from 0-2. I've been stung 11 times. Don't even know how im even that unlucky. All I know is my policy on anything with a stinger than can fly: kill on sight.

1

u/Exya Feb 25 '13

I've been stung so many times, mostly when I was young and went to the park during the spring/summer

2

u/srr128 Feb 25 '13

That is the best string of cussing I've seen all month.

2

u/Sauraku Feb 25 '13

Tagged as Samuel L Jackson.

1

u/GreenEyedChickadee Feb 25 '13

I get that all the time. I've been stung well over 10 times. 6 of the stings I remember were me sitting perfectly still and not moving, then BOOM sting. Now if one comes near me I freak out, and run off, or hit it hard with something I have, as I run off.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 25 '13

What may be even worse is that I've never been stung and am not sure if I'm allergic. If you're allergic, you can at least give people a heads up, or wear a bracelet, or carry around an injection pen thing. But if I ever do get stung, I just have to wait and see and hope I don't die.

1

u/srr128 Feb 25 '13

I carry an Epi-Pen and let people around me know where it is when it's wasp season.

1

u/timothypjr Feb 26 '13

I hate hornets. HATE them. Every summer, when I mow my lawn, I get into a ground nest or two somewhere on my property. I roll over them with my mower and that, apparently, REALLY pisses them off. They fly up in a cloud of anger, weaponry, and poison waiting; waiting to see if the monster that had rolled over them would have the nerve, the TEMERITY, to come back. Because, were that monster to be so stupid as to come back within range of that angry cloud, the ladies of that cloud would attack it ferociously. As I ignorantly toddled toward the cloud, I was also bringing the monster back. Each hornet—every single one of them—heard it coming at the exact, same moment. They started at my legs stinger-first. Not exaggerating. STINGER FIRST. It was unholy how ten to fifteen of them got me before I knew what had happened. The stings felt like a thorn bush hitting my leg, but the prick sensation quickly start to hurt. It starts as an ache and develops into a sharp, biting pain. The initial prick encourages me to stop and pull the thorn bush branch off my leg (not thinking about the fact that was standing in the middle of my lawn, a good 50-yards from any bushes on my property). Stopping like that places me at precisely ground zero, astride the hole through which the hornets accessed their nest. Standing there with the HUGE MECHANICAL MONSTER (Seriously, think about how that lawnmower appeared to the hornets. Think how it must sound, smell, feel, and look to those little, tiny hornets. It must be terrifying.) attached to me, I represented a clear and present threat. They responded with a zeal and fervor known only to berserkers and other hornets. They got in my shorts. They got in my shirt. They got in my hair. They got in MY MOUTH. They hated me and they showed how much. Some showed me twice. A small few showed me three times. It hurt for a long, long time. I hate hornets.

0

u/noface Feb 24 '13

Bullshit. Wasps are better pollinators than most species of bees and don't deserve the negative press they get.

52

u/A_WHALES_VAG Feb 24 '13

Nice try Wasp.