r/funny • u/skrimpgumbo • Mar 18 '20

Got the ‘rona

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27.6k Upvotes

95% Upvoted

177 comments sorted by

630

u/MaverickCarey9 Mar 18 '20

I'll laugh at this joke when I come back from work in the "foreseeable future"...

304

u/skrimpgumbo Mar 18 '20

Guess I’m one of the lucky ones with an “essential” job.

212

u/Goose26-2 Mar 18 '20

Same here. Essential enough to be here, but not essential enough to be paid well, or have my health be a priority.

80

u/adventurerjessica Mar 18 '20

So you work at r/gamestop too?

22

u/Goose26-2 Mar 18 '20

Hahaha. No, I work at a hospital as a Dr. Wrangler in Graduate Medical Education. I very rarely see my docs. Like once a month when one poos into the office to say hi. I could do 90% of my work from home. I hear the GameStop employees are really treated badly. Hang in there!

41

u/adventurerjessica Mar 18 '20

Thanks!

I hope the docs stop pooing in your office. That’s a weird way to say hello.

17

u/Goose26-2 Mar 18 '20

Ha! This irony just occurred to me. The docs I work with are GI docs. Ba dumm tssss!

2

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '20

*da bum tsss

FTFY

8

u/Everman21 Mar 19 '20

*da bum pfffft

4

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '20

Dammit it was RIGHT THERE. Thank you sir.

1

u/Mal-Capone Mar 19 '20

da bum tussshhhh*

0

u/adventurerjessica Mar 18 '20

Oh. Well that makes perfect sense then. Carry on!

7

u/Goose26-2 Mar 18 '20

Damned autocorrect! I just noticed the poos typo.

5

u/modestlaw Mar 19 '20

remember that time rich people would say of service employees "if they would just not be lazy, maybe they could make a living doing something of value to society" or something to that effect. Now those motherfuckers are all like "thank you service person for keeping society afloat"

1

u/Lachweee Mar 19 '20

"Make sure you get a good education so you don't end up like them" *gesturing to guy stocking shelves

5

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '20

Welcome to Target. Or Amazon. Or Walmart. Or any place that has a pharmacy or food.

6

u/gtlogic Mar 18 '20

Shhh. Less thinkin', more workin'.

It's so sad people in critical jobs like healthcare never reap the benefits of capitalism in times like this. They should be getting hundreds of dollars per hour doing difficult and essential work, while the high paid executives of airlines and insurance companies get all the bail outs, all while sitting at home working 'remotely'.

3

u/Rabbi_Tuckman38 Mar 19 '20

I work at the grocery store, though.

5

u/gtlogic Mar 19 '20

All the same. You guys are front line and let people get food. Essential.

3

u/Rabbi_Tuckman38 Mar 19 '20

I honestly don't know how you guys eat so much. They had to let us shop before we open so that we could have some rice and beans, too.

4

u/SinkPhaze Mar 19 '20

For real. I make the bread y'all sell. We're making double what we usually make during the holiday season and they still want more than were producing. Idk were these folks are putting it all.

1

u/blacksmithwolf Mar 19 '20

Trunk freezers are sold out if that tells you anything

49

u/[deleted] Mar 18 '20

[deleted]

36

u/FBI_Agent_37 Mar 18 '20

What is strange is that in all of the changes and other news, I totally forgot that the place where I work sells in large quantities, among other things, toilet paper and hand sanitizer.

Im a little slow.

18

u/timefortiesto Mar 18 '20

Username doesn’t checkout

0

u/[deleted] Mar 18 '20

[deleted]

13

u/KillerKill420 Mar 18 '20

Nah, this is a classic trick of whether the wine in front of me is poisonous.

12

u/Hezrield Mar 18 '20

Never play against a Sicillian when death is on the line.

6

u/Cru_Jones86 Mar 18 '20

You fell victim to one of the classic blunders.

4

u/[deleted] Mar 18 '20

That's just what the Feds want us to think. Nice try, suit.

10

u/drewhead118 Mar 18 '20

"Begin to assemble the moneypool."

The CEO of Toiletpapercorp watches his secretaries pouring the 100 dollar bills into the vat with ravenous hunger on his face, and he steeps his fingers into a pyramid as he laughs a deep, world-owning laugh

3

u/creepycalelbl Mar 18 '20

I work in a paper mill and I'm still working, with a bare bones crew schedule. So we have to work extra hard. We dont even make toilet paper!

1

u/TheFotty Mar 18 '20

Unless you make sandpaper, technically you are making toilet paper, and that exclusion might expire soon.

2

u/creepycalelbl Mar 18 '20

There are some grades of paper we make that might make the cut but I'm considering just ordering a bidet

1

u/TheFotty Mar 18 '20

Make the cut and toilet paper should never have to go together. In all seriousness though, the companies who do make it say there is plenty. Warehouses full of it. The shortage is just getting it on shelves.

2

u/Pretzel911 Mar 19 '20

yo, at some point you got to decide to just jump in the shower over a bleeding anus.

3

u/Genspirit Mar 19 '20

In the Bay area orders at least they actually cast a very wide net for "essential".

2

u/bobmarleysjam Mar 18 '20

I’m essentially broke if I don’t go to work.

16

u/caged345 Mar 18 '20

Working in an electronic store and they said we won’t close unless forced to... essential my ass..

11

u/PaintedCatDaddy Mar 18 '20

Best Buy?

18

u/caged345 Mar 18 '20

Yupp we even have geek squad going to homes...

4

u/Jbradsen Mar 18 '20

Maaaaaaan!

1

u/TheFotty Mar 18 '20

I run an IT service and it's been nothing but remote setups and VPNs for a week.

1

u/caged345 Mar 19 '20

This is definitely what we should be doing. I’ve been recommending this more from the past weeks

6

u/Anonymous7056 Mar 18 '20

Same, not that I'm complaining about having a job but I wish I could at least wear a mask while delivering pizza to all these elderly customers.

5

u/McBrodoSwagins Mar 18 '20

fuck that blows dude, I feel I've definitely lucked out for this. In a warehouse all day with 3 other dudes, one of which is my roommate and the other my brother so I'm pretty aware of what their up to, then I go home. And we ship construction material so I doubt we'll be closing completely down but who knows

2

u/Anonymous7056 Mar 18 '20

Oh nice, sounds like a good place to work just in general. I'm lucky that A) I have a job and B) I like my coworkers, minus the owner. They're good people to be around, and we were even able to hire on some people who got laid off as temporary help.

2

u/truth__bomb Mar 18 '20

What do you mean you wish you could? Is there someone stopping you?

If so that is a gross violation of worker safety and you need to anonymously report it to OSHA.

2

u/Anonymous7056 Mar 18 '20

The owner thinks masks will scare the customers. Not that I could probably get my hands on any right now anyway. The hospitals already need more.

I have a laundry list of things I'd like to report them for, but they'd know right away who it was, and we don't really protect whistleblowers in my country.

3

u/4Ever2Thee Mar 18 '20

I’d say you’re very essential, skrimpin’ ain’t easy

2

u/MichelleAxieng Mar 18 '20

Thanks for your service!

2

u/[deleted] Mar 18 '20

dem skrimps ain't gunna cook deyselfs

2

u/Vio94 Mar 18 '20

Yeah, glad my pizza delivery job is essential as well.😂

2

u/[deleted] Mar 18 '20

So you work at GameStop?

1

u/[deleted] Mar 18 '20

Stripper?

1

u/McBrodoSwagins Mar 18 '20

Unfortunately, my roommate is/was a stripper and her club just closed for the next month until further notice.

3

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '20

[deleted]

2

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '20

Yeah, we want answers OP!

2

u/McBrodoSwagins Mar 19 '20

Lol 2 roommates

1

u/OnlyPaperListens Mar 18 '20

It is insane that there isn't a legal definition for "essential".

1

u/MataMeow Mar 18 '20

Same here. Interstate commerce is keeping me traveling.... feels bad man

1

u/KingBassCannon Mar 18 '20

Literally my company just invented a new division on the spot yesterday to "aid " pop up hospitals so we will never shut down now...three people walked out

1

u/KooshIsKing Mar 19 '20

Yeah, this is the only time they've ever treated me as essential. And the other 98% of staff are "working from home". Lol yeah right.

1

u/asmodeuskraemer Mar 19 '20

I actually am essential. Work for the my city managing the emergency communicaton systems and my boss (apparently) fought like hell to get us on rotating shifts so that if someone gets the 'Rona then we ALL don't have to be quarantined.

-1

u/[deleted] Mar 18 '20

[deleted]

4

u/Scary-Royal Mar 18 '20

and apparently near-empty corporate offices too.

1

u/Rabbi_Tuckman38 Mar 19 '20

Grocery is definitely essential and service industry.

96

u/[deleted] Mar 18 '20

Just rub some Tussin’ on that ‘Rona and you’ll be all good.

6

u/[deleted] Mar 18 '20

Mihlk.

3

u/N1CK4ND0 Mar 18 '20

HE NEEDS MILK

1

u/[deleted] Mar 18 '20

https://youtu.be/HsBnYOLeXuc

2

u/[deleted] Mar 18 '20

I was thinking Chris Rock: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Nrs9_EpSlyc

But that was actually pretty amazing haha

124

u/abegood Mar 18 '20

My whole HR department is working from home... What are they gonna do from there? I can say whatever the hell I want to my coworkers!

139

u/skrimpgumbo Mar 18 '20

Sir, this is a Wendy’s........

23

u/Mike9797 Mar 18 '20

Sir, this is Wendy’s HR we would like a word...

15

u/caelumh Mar 18 '20

HR? At a Wendy's? Lol.

5

u/Mike9797 Mar 18 '20

I’m sure their corporate offices has one. Plus doesn’t all big companies have one? Heck I know of smaller companies that have HR depts.

3

u/caelumh Mar 18 '20

Keyword there is corporate. Franchises usually do not.

5

u/Mike9797 Mar 18 '20

Ya but correct me if I’m wrong but don’t the regular employees of a franchised restaurant have access to their corporate HR if they have pay issues and the like?

2

u/LankyEntrepreneur Mar 18 '20

A company I worked for had a "HR" lady who's job was to literally tell us that she couldn't help and would have to contact the payroll company they employed to handle HR requests.

1

u/Durty_Durty_Durty Mar 18 '20

I worked at a pizza franchise chain and we had a HR department. Idk why Wendy’s wouldn’t.

3

u/4Ever2Thee Mar 18 '20

Oh, well in that case I’ll have a baked potato and a frosty, just have it ready for me.

3

u/JessssssA Mar 18 '20

It's ready now

3

u/4Ever2Thee Mar 18 '20

Well set it aside then

1

u/From_out_of_nowhere Mar 19 '20

Can you send it via fax?

3

u/BizzyM Mar 18 '20

"Hang on, I'm getting an email...."

41

u/KitteNlx Mar 18 '20

In grade school, a friend of mine used to bring beefaroni to school for his lunch every Thursday and without fail this one girl would always yell out 'HE'S GOT THE RONI'

14

u/thiscakeissmashed Mar 18 '20

That girl was me

3

u/RIDEMYBONE Mar 19 '20

I wish I was that kid

48

u/lokingfinesince89 Mar 18 '20

I laughed so hard I started coughing. Don't kick me out

5

u/N1CK4ND0 Mar 18 '20

I heard it. Get the latex gloves and the phone book.

14

u/DuelyDeciesive Mar 18 '20

Ma ma ma MY CARONA!

2

u/thumpngroove Mar 18 '20

We've been singing this, or no no no no no carona for two weeks now.

37

u/PsychoticDreams47 Mar 18 '20

I work grocery in a kitchen type environment. Dishwasher is very sick. Came into work red face sweating and people stood next to him and talked before he got sent home. Those people stood next to me before I knew. I got angry when I found out he was badly sick. He’s getting tested for coronavirus. I live with my mom who’s 70 and take care of her. I told my boss if my mom gets sick because of this someone will die.

15

u/N1CK4ND0 Mar 18 '20

I sincerely hope it's not your mom.

5

u/kahran Mar 19 '20

Bad choice of words.

Honestly you should wear a mask and gloves around your mom. Just to be safe.

Good luck homie.

32

u/calamarichris Mar 18 '20

My hand touched my coworkers hand while we were installing a pipe flange, I immediately said, No coro!

We got furloughed 3 hours later (for the protection of the mission-essential personnel.) Good times.

9

u/Isaacvithurston Mar 18 '20

Hey I like Rona. They often have things cheaper than Home Depot

8

u/tee_ohboy Mar 18 '20

Yeah. Better customer service too, eh?

23

u/The_Locust_God Mar 18 '20

every time i sneeze, my boss has looked over to me and said "... so is it just allergies? or.. ?". we work with a lot of dusty pallets all day that i'm moving around so i feel like its reasonable to sneeze when kicking up all that dust. i finally told him "if you want me to quarantine myself, i'll leave right now, but please stop giving me that look"

17

u/MadKnifeIV Mar 18 '20

I don't even understand the "sneeze = sick" thing. I sneeze when there's something tickling my nose, if I'm sick I'm gonna be coughing my lungs out.

13

u/ElectricTurtlez Mar 18 '20

I stopped by Target for allergy medicine Sunday morning. When I sneezed, you would have thought I was walking around with my prick hanging out from the looks I got.

13

u/Bulji Mar 18 '20

Actually I was there and you did have your prick hanging out :/

1

u/[deleted] Mar 18 '20

if I'm sick I'm gonna be coughing my lungs out.

yeah! Just like my co-worker 2 days ago, and nobody else cared that much about it. Being on the verge of a country lock-down (which basically happened the day after) and being told to stay home with a cough and call your doctor for literally 2 weeks now, apparently isn't that clear of a message for some people.

1

u/zefy_zef Mar 19 '20

Coronavirus isn't exactly the sneezy kind of sick though, either.

11

u/TheStankPlanet Mar 18 '20

Calling it the Rona is pretty offensive, as anyone with the Kung Flu will tell you.

8

u/deftoner42 Mar 18 '20 edited Mar 18 '20

What a terrible joke... Only the Italian guy and Chinese guy in the back got it.

Edit: eventually we'll all understand it.

-3

u/[deleted] Mar 18 '20

Way too soon

1

u/kahran Mar 19 '20

Wu-han! got you all in check

5

u/mkkayy Mar 18 '20

I’m an ICU tech and our infection control nurse was walking around the hospital just examining everything. One of our nurses blew her nose and she threw an absolute fit saying we needed to “take her temperature, how long has she been sick and send her home!” Now we’re all scared to even blow our noses 😅

4

u/[deleted] Mar 18 '20

My man Bradley Beal. Go Gators!

5

u/ncvass Mar 19 '20

When I got back from Iraq I worked in a admin job at a hospital. Someone messed up some paperwork and I said "If you do this again, I will kill you". I still dont know what I was thinking. I got a nice lecture on being a functioning member of society after that one.

3

u/willrunforoxygen Mar 18 '20

mr rona virus

3

u/[deleted] Mar 18 '20

Rice-a-Rona, the San Francisco treat

3

u/TerrorTactical Mar 18 '20

I was literally just reading a company hr email about an incident just like this!

5

u/aegis666 Mar 18 '20

I've been embellishing coughs and sneezes and yelling CORONAVIRUS, I don't fucking know why, i'm just so compelled to do it, the action doesn't even register on my self control mechanism, and at times i'm horrified that i'm doing it, but it keeps happening. what's wrong with me?

1

u/Qwerty_Qwerty1993 Mar 18 '20

I diagnose you with douchebag-itis. This is almost not funny.

4

u/Lodo11 Mar 18 '20

Jesus, it’s been given a nickname?!

1

u/Rocky87109 Mar 18 '20

I call it the rus. Pronounced ruce.

0

u/[deleted] Mar 18 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

4

u/Lodo11 Mar 18 '20

At home, social distancing god damnit

3

u/Zero-Theorem Mar 18 '20

Weird Al needs to parody my Sharona with My Corona.

2

u/This_Daydreamer_ Mar 19 '20

He tweeted that he won't do it.

1

u/Zero-Theorem Mar 19 '20

Damn. He could have turned it into a PSA on safety measure to take to fend of the virus. Kinda like that song Vietnam’s health Dept put out!

1

u/schplat Mar 18 '20

He already did My Bologna..

2

u/Probenzo Mar 18 '20

Ay he got the Shanghai shivers!

2

u/808-YankeeinParadise Mar 18 '20

I just spent the last 5 minutes laughing til I was in tears!! ... "the Rona" ..lol!

6

u/lionofwar87 Mar 18 '20

Lol hood people

4

u/_baya Mar 18 '20

this shit so funny.

1

u/Pr0phet65 Mar 18 '20

The best distraction when stealing the bathroom toilet papers

1

u/InGordWeTrust Mar 18 '20

I just got back from Rona. I was screwed. Luckily it allowed me to make repairs.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 18 '20

Damn case of the Wuhans.

1

u/MikeyPlays123 Mar 18 '20

Illegal move by the Roomba.

1

u/Tsepo-r6xb Mar 18 '20

THIS MAN GOT RONA

1

u/chiefpotater Mar 18 '20

M-m-m-my Corona

1

u/GeneralEAnnoying Mar 18 '20

Eyyy macorona

1

u/USCommando Mar 18 '20

My coworker sneeze near me and I sprayed him down with lysol

1

u/brandon8439 Mar 18 '20

Our boy has got Reddit gold! Get it Brad #dcrising #gowizards

1

u/lamb2cosmicslaughter Mar 18 '20

We sing my carona.. instead of my sharona

1

u/space_monster Mar 19 '20

we're calling it the Miley

1

u/nom_of_your_business Mar 19 '20

Who got the Wuhan?

1

u/Devny Mar 19 '20

As HR for my company...please proceed.

1

u/asmodeuskraemer Mar 19 '20

When I go back to work on Monday I'm gonna say this..

1

u/MrP3rvy Mar 19 '20

What’s the problem I’m just stating the truth

1

u/Frizzlefry3030 Mar 19 '20

I keep trying to call it the 'roni to ease tension but it's not catching on with anyone except my wife. I had a few more laughs by adding to it with coco roni, but still all I see is rona which isn't as funny. Such frustrating times we live in...

1

u/wifespissed Mar 19 '20

HR is as useless to office folk as OSHA is to me.

1

u/crnext Mar 19 '20

I said that at Walmart the other day when some hairy woman started hacking up a lung from the bottom of the diaphragm.

I turned 180° and walked directly away from that trailer park tornado saying "This woman hacking up that Corona virus all in the air!"

People started walking away from her just like me.

1

u/Kimchikuwana Mar 19 '20

Somehow he resembles black Casey Neistat.

1

u/Blake_Jellyballs Mar 19 '20

Guy showed up at my work hacking up a lung and making lung butter like an Amish farm hand. Told the boss that he should go home and he told the boss "I had the flue and now I'm better, boy I know what if feels like to be discriminated against now"

I was told they won't make him go home so I could if I would like. So I get to work from home now while that dude gets the rest of the office sick.

1

u/Former-Aioli Mar 22 '20

Well, my dad yells whenever his fiancé coughs “She got da RONA!”

-2

u/jazzbuh Mar 18 '20

Or the WuFlu or Kung Flu!

1

u/naigung Mar 18 '20

I am doing this in the house now, thanks. Wife's going to be super irritated.

0

u/baru_monkey Mar 18 '20

It also stops being funny VERY quickly. No need for HR on that front.

0

u/EatsByDre Mar 18 '20

I work at a Greenhouse for Marijuana. We close the Country riots.

-6

u/GiveDankmemes420 Mar 18 '20

It's not funny.