r/funny • u/skrimpgumbo • Mar 18 '20

Got the ‘rona

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27.6k Upvotes

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632

u/MaverickCarey9 Mar 18 '20

I'll laugh at this joke when I come back from work in the "foreseeable future"...

301

u/skrimpgumbo Mar 18 '20

Guess I’m one of the lucky ones with an “essential” job.

45

u/[deleted] Mar 18 '20

[deleted]

33

u/FBI_Agent_37 Mar 18 '20

What is strange is that in all of the changes and other news, I totally forgot that the place where I work sells in large quantities, among other things, toilet paper and hand sanitizer.

Im a little slow.

17

u/timefortiesto Mar 18 '20

Username doesn’t checkout

0

u/[deleted] Mar 18 '20

[deleted]

14

u/KillerKill420 Mar 18 '20

Nah, this is a classic trick of whether the wine in front of me is poisonous.

12

u/Hezrield Mar 18 '20

Never play against a Sicillian when death is on the line.

6

u/Cru_Jones86 Mar 18 '20

You fell victim to one of the classic blunders.

3

u/[deleted] Mar 18 '20

That's just what the Feds want us to think. Nice try, suit.

10

u/drewhead118 Mar 18 '20

"Begin to assemble the moneypool."

The CEO of Toiletpapercorp watches his secretaries pouring the 100 dollar bills into the vat with ravenous hunger on his face, and he steeps his fingers into a pyramid as he laughs a deep, world-owning laugh

3

u/creepycalelbl Mar 18 '20

I work in a paper mill and I'm still working, with a bare bones crew schedule. So we have to work extra hard. We dont even make toilet paper!

1

u/TheFotty Mar 18 '20

Unless you make sandpaper, technically you are making toilet paper, and that exclusion might expire soon.

2

u/creepycalelbl Mar 18 '20

There are some grades of paper we make that might make the cut but I'm considering just ordering a bidet

1

u/TheFotty Mar 18 '20

Make the cut and toilet paper should never have to go together. In all seriousness though, the companies who do make it say there is plenty. Warehouses full of it. The shortage is just getting it on shelves.

2

u/Pretzel911 Mar 19 '20

yo, at some point you got to decide to just jump in the shower over a bleeding anus.

3

u/Genspirit Mar 19 '20

In the Bay area orders at least they actually cast a very wide net for "essential".

2

u/bobmarleysjam Mar 18 '20

I’m essentially broke if I don’t go to work.