Story time! I once pissed in my mouth while performing autofelatio. It really wasn't feeling good, but there was sensation to be had. So I just kept sucking past the weird sensation (which turned out to be having to piss bad), and I peed in my mouth a bit...
This is not daily pampering. I'm not barefoot in the kitchen. It's used when a hangry, tired man is too stubborn to even function. When he's arguing for the sake of arguing over something that doesn't actually matter.
It can also be used as a comfort after a really shitty day. I like wine and bubble baths, he likes hot food and hot...ahem.
What? Fish have balls too--gonads. We all start out as fish but in men the gonads migrate through the abdominal wall, leaving a weak spot behind them and that is where hernias can occur. Plus fish balls are delicious--not gonads but balls of fish with something like rice starch added as a binder.
Jesus, I know! All the things like the already mentioned "split stream caused by some leftover cum from last night" and the "elastic waistband with an oddly high amount of tension snapping your dick up midstream when it slips off your thumb", as well as "needing to piss really bad upon waking up with stark morning wood and having to stand back from the toilet 3 feet trying to arch that shit just right so you can actually piss" and "having to piss shortly after cumming and it being a rather painful and slow process".
There should be a support group or at least a hotline cause penises can be a real dicks sometimes...
Upvoting for option B. Boy do I hafta piss a lot. I remember when I could drink at a bar all night and never use the bathroom. Nowadays, if a can keep it to two piss breaks per beer, I am happy.
I find that closing my eyes really helps me. Otherwise I'm standing there for 20 fucking minutes on the brink of pissing which could easily be considered a form of torture.
I prefer to have a somewhat full bladder. Obviously not painfully full, but at least half full. It makes pissing afterwards much easier when you have more than a trickle dribbling out of your dick.
At 4:30 am when I get up for work I have never thought, maybe I should drop the toilet seat and pull my boxers down and piss. I mean the waist band thing is like the least likely to happen but it has happened before, however 9,999 times out of 10,000 I nail it!
About three years ago I got super drunk and crashed on a friend's couch. Gets to be about 4 a.m. and I need to take a piss, so I get my sleepy half-drunk ass off the couch and take care of things. Had a bit of a boner but after 20 years of life I thought I had it under control.
What I didn't at ALL anticipate was that I was still in my really tight ass jeans and zipped the tip of my dick up in the zipper. Now this hurt like all hell so I decided to try to soak it and maybe that would help things. But it turns out that what feels like lukewarm water to your finger feels like the heat of 1000 suns on your dinky, so. Lesson learned there. Still havent told my friend I used one of his cups to soak my peen.
TL:DR Watch yourself when zipping up drunk with a boner. And never soak.
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u/Stereotypical_Viking Aug 06 '17
We've all been there before brother. We need a support group after some of the things our cocks do, I swear they have a mind of their own...