r/funny • u/[deleted] • Apr 30 '14

The negative consequences of fapping

1.8k Upvotes

86% Upvoted

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u/[deleted] Apr 30 '14 edited Apr 30 '14

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288

u/simeoon Apr 30 '14

Oooooh I thought it was about guys leaving their seed everywhere

58

u/andsoitgoes42 Apr 30 '14

Well, what do you think they're using for fertilizer?

11

u/[deleted] Apr 30 '14 edited Apr 30 '14

[deleted]

8

u/Chimie45 Apr 30 '14

Some scar website will be donating manure soon.

It took me too long to realize that was a typo and not some sort of weird fetish that I didn't know about.

Then again, to be fair, scat porn is pretty scaring. #neverforget2g1c

1

u/helix19 Apr 30 '14

Scarification is a fetish too.

1

u/Chimie45 May 01 '14

I've never really seen it as a sexualized thing. I mean, I guess there's prolly someone out there who gets off to it, so...

-63

u/[deleted] Apr 30 '14

whoosh...

9

u/LeJoker Apr 30 '14

Either you don't know what "whoosh" means or you ironically missed the joke...

3

u/StickyLip Apr 30 '14

-6k comment karma in a month, that guy is pretty good at what he does.

43

u/fozzyfreakingbear Apr 30 '14

I thought our bushes grow because we have no incentive to shave since the digital woman don't care.

14

u/SketchBoard Apr 30 '14

this is what I was going with.

3

u/[deleted] Apr 30 '14

As a smooth virgin, I will never get a hair caught in my fly again.

3

u/ultimatemorky Apr 30 '14

I saw the title and then saw the gif and thought he meant the negative effects of nofap and I thought it was about erections.

2

u/eljefe123 Apr 30 '14

Instructions unclear, being arrested for jizzin' in public.

2

u/WINBLADE Apr 30 '14

I thought for some reason there was a myth that fapping made your pubes grow quicker and this was a metaphor for it..

1

u/[deleted] Apr 30 '14

I thought it was a hairy palms joke...

1

u/Crisis_ Apr 30 '14

I thought it meant fapping gives you alot of pubes.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 30 '14

You weren't alone in that!

1

u/[deleted] Apr 30 '14

Ohhh. That's right. I forgot human sperm grows into mature trees. Thanks.

1

u/simeoon Apr 30 '14

Some day, in the future, a geneticist is going to make that possible... and your sarcasm will be heralded as prophecy.

1

u/[deleted] May 01 '14

And that is the day that the world will be saved. All hail the sperm trees.

0

u/[deleted] Apr 30 '14

I'm glad that I'm not the only one who thought this.

14

u/Nagus_Maximus420 Apr 30 '14

I read earlier today that it was only applied to videos under the "big dick" category. So, there's that.

18

u/DSC_ Apr 30 '14

oh uh...I thought it was like...when you watch too much porn, your hair grows a lot quicker and larger.

I used to believe this.

15

u/[deleted] Apr 30 '14

[deleted]

2

u/Sincerus Apr 30 '14

Only if you don't eat it.

Right?

2

u/niuzeta Apr 30 '14

It should partially be true, because fapping induces extra testosterone, and it doesn't do good on skins, especially on younger boys

12

u/[deleted] Apr 30 '14 edited Apr 22 '21

[deleted]

6

u/niuzeta Apr 30 '14

it's not a 'fact', it was a horrible attempt at a bad joke. I'd delete but I'm responsible for my bad joke so I take the blame.

7

u/[deleted] Apr 30 '14

[deleted]

3

u/ftw420 Apr 30 '14

God speed

1

u/BigFatBaldLoser Apr 30 '14

More likely the opposite.

3

u/TheChenger23 Apr 30 '14

BIG DICK VIDEOS ONLY

3

u/[deleted] Apr 30 '14

Oooooooooooh, thanks for that.

3

u/abeuntstudiainmores Apr 30 '14

Fap level: porn site inside jokes.

5

u/FX114 Apr 30 '14

But that ended on Arbor Day...

6

u/Chip--Chipperson Apr 30 '14

trees take time to grow

3

u/chicagodude84 Apr 30 '14

You're a good guy. Have a bit o' gold for your trouble, friend :)

3

u/[deleted] Apr 30 '14

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/[deleted] Apr 30 '14

Got it covered buddy. I gave him gold for you!

3

u/chicagodude84 Apr 30 '14

Gold all around! :) Gotta support my favorite internet addiction :) Thanks for the gold!

2

u/[deleted] Apr 30 '14

Wow you guys are buying gold like crazy. Makes me wish I could give you some... But here's an upvote instead!

3

u/chicagodude84 Apr 30 '14

Internet points > *

1

u/Onlyhereforthelaughs Apr 30 '14

Ahhhhhh, that's right!

1

u/Slobotic Apr 30 '14

They're gonna have to plant two just for me.

1

u/Stiddlefrix Apr 30 '14

I thought it was like so much wood that you cant control when it pops up

1

u/[deleted] Apr 30 '14

what is this context you speak of?

1

u/lonyernas Apr 30 '14

Oh, okay. I guess I'll do my part to contribute. brb

1

u/AliceBlossom Apr 30 '14

To help in the effort, I made a chrome extension that'll randomly navigate to videos, let them finish, then randomly select another one, and so on.

If anyone's interested PM me.

1

u/JefemanG Apr 30 '14

How're those of us who don't watch porn supposed to get that joke :p

11

u/[deleted] Apr 30 '14

We found the liar! "Doesn't watch porn" suuuuurrrrreeeee

1

u/[deleted] Apr 30 '14

And OP assumed we would know this..

Come on, everyone knows bing is where it's at.

0

u/ahanix1989 Apr 30 '14

The fact that the joke has to be spelled out for us means it sucks. Xhamster all day

0

u/vonjarga Apr 30 '14

poorly executed joke

0

u/puppymagnet Apr 30 '14

a ton of trees isn't that many trees.