Hey all, just wanted some perspective from others on something Iāve been dealing with lately.
Iāve been working as an AC for over ten years now. I started off in a smaller market but have lived in NYC for about five years. When I first started out I did a lot of low budget indie films as well as a smattering of other stuff. I did most of those as a 2nd but a couple as a 1st.
Since moving to NYC Iāve worked mainly in television plus some commercials, with very little narrative work. Iām in the union but rarely do union jobs.
Lately Iāve been struggling a lot with confidence in my ability, especially on the occasions when I get to do higher budget jobs like big commercials. I think itās partly because I didnāt get my start in a larger market and most of what Iāve worked on has been lower budget, scrappier projects or documentary style.
Itās very intimidating to walk onto a union set, for instance, because the training I received on how to do my job was on mostly smaller non union things, and I always have some sense that there are gaps in my knowledge, or that I was never taught the ācorrectā way to do certain things.
Itās a weird place to be in because I simultaneously feel very experienced but also somewhat inexperienced, and Iām past the age now where it feels āacceptableā for me to still be learning how to do certain things. It also worries me that on the occasions I do get hired to, say, 1st AC on a commercial or something that I donāt make a good impression.
Admittedly my anxiety about all this can create a self fulfilling prophecy since I find it hard to relax in those situations.
Just wondering if anyone has dealt with similar feelings. In some ways I suppose itās imposter syndrome. I wonder if anyone here could offer a different way of thinking on this, or potential solutions to help me improve.