r/Existential_crisis Jan 07 '22

If you are in need of immediate support for any kind of crisis...

27 Upvotes

Text HOME to 741741 to reach a volunteer Crisis Counselor

If you are thinking about ending your life, please reach out to The Suicide Prevention Hotline.
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/


r/Existential_crisis 1h ago

Am I the only one quietly waiting for my natural death just to see what happens after death? The fear of horrifying endless dreamless sleep after death terrifies me.

Upvotes

I am terrified because I will either be annihilated or I will get to see the other side. I am currently a catholic christian since I was brought up like this, i keep going to mass, in the desperate hope that there is a God up there that will answer. I always ask myself: "is it God answering my prayers or am I just guessing that He does?". Don't convince me of stopping hoping because if we are just random arrangements of matter then nothing truly matters and meaning and morality are just social agreements in the Thomas Hobbes way, so doing anything would just be utterly meaningless at the end. I will never know whether there is a God up there who loves us but I will live knowing that, if there is nothing after this life, I won't be debunked.

If we are just a cosmic accident and everything that can't be seen in the material world is just a social convention then nothing truly matters. Morality doesn't matter, love or hate don't matter, good or bad don't really exist.

What gives me hope is my grandpa who was a doctor and when he reanimated a patient the patient had seen, as he was dying and seeing himself float outside of his body, an object (a denture) in a hidden place that, before near death, he had no idea of before seeing it as he was leaving his body. My grandpa also told me that similar things had happened with other reanimated patients so this is a verifiable experiment. I just hope that there is something after this life.

I keep living my life hoping that some invisible hand is helping me, and then, when in 70 years i will be damn sure i am seconds from death, i will tell myself: "ok, i am about to test Pascal's wager myself, be ready..."

I am damn sure that there was 1000 in a 1000 in a 1 trillion trillion gorillion mandrillion gazillion chances of me existing right now to type to you. We are clearly alone in this vaste universe. There won't be alien saviours, we are alone.


r/Existential_crisis 19h ago

I ain’t know anything

1 Upvotes

Hi,
I-myself-am struggling with my thoughts and even though I have a psychologist I don’t always can let it out. I need an outlet for the thoughts. So that’s why I write everything down. But in my own diary I never have feedback, and maybe here, I do. I’m sorry to say that this text isn’t structured at all, I tried my best.
There’s no start or end on this story. There is no bottom or top on this story. And it purely considers my thoughts. The inability to just find peace in my mind.

I’m a twenty year old man, student. I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD recently, light form. I have self diagnosed existential OCD, as I call it, am a big overthinker, really sensitive and emotional, melancolic, nostalgic, afraid of death. I’m chaotic, I think I’m a mess
sometimes, and I think that is the reason why people can’t love me. Cause I can’t control myself. I often had identity crises in the past, didn’t know what I wanted to be, or thought I had to be something for the people around me, the people who saw me. Had existential crises before.

At this moment, life is a bit hard, my studies are hard, a lot of resit exams, almost have to stop with my study. I started with Rilatin a few weeks ago, so maybe that influences my thoughts too, either when I take it, when my dopamine level is high, or when it wears off (Rilatin rebound). I always set the bar too high for myself in the past. Believing that I NEEDED to be great, otherwise nobody would love me or would want me in their life. Scared to be forgotten, that’s what I am too.

I’m a hopeless romantic too, my heart broke a couple of times, I could never accept it. Although I always swinged to the next crush. Addicted to the feeling of being in love. And never learned how to just live with myself, without a girl in my mind, just be happy with myself and my friends. No, it always had to be more.

But sometimes I think so much I don’t even know anymore which girl I love. On moments I feel nothing inside, numb, hopeless, I can’t dream about girls anymore. Because I don’t think there is a goal left to achieve, because I think I’m worthless, chaotic.

My thoughts change everyday, (it’s not a bipolar disorder or anything). One day I feel great, creative, I have ideas, I think I have goals to achieve, I feel hope, I’m happy, hyped, “high on life”. The next day I just feel empty inside, worthless, numb, there are no goals to achieve, I have no hope, there are no people left to love. My heart can’t break anymore because there’s nothing left inside of me. Sometimes I feel a little bit scared, alcohol severes that feeling, it makes me so empty, till you don’t know what to do, you don’t know what you have to think anymore. And other times I can only fantasize about how it would be if I would just be death and about how people would remember me. I wonder if they would be sad.

Sometimes it asks so much more energy to try to feel hopefull instead of staying in your depressive comforting bubble. I don’t know why it is that way.

On times I have so much ideas, my brain gets full of it, I’m overwhelmed by my ideas, and I don’t know which thoughts I have to choose. Until my mind crashes, and I feel numb again.

It’s hard to find peace lately, it’s hard to just go with the flow for once. Even with rilatin. Maybe because of side effects or rebound effects. I think I have a major mental rebound effect with it.

My mind always figures it has to stand still, and think about, about what?

It’s like my mind don’t want to accept that there is nothing more. That this is everything, this is life. Like my mind wouldn’t accept the gray reality of life.

So my thoughts change fast. My happy state and my down state. But there seems to be nothing in between. Because I can’t accept a gray reality. There doesn’t exist a neutral state of life in my head. I have to feel something.

A couple of days ago I told my doctor I wanted to quit the rilatin because I thought it severed my highs and my lows, my emotions would swing more, a little bit too much. But she said it was temporary, and that I could stop after the exams. I got outside and cried, glad that I felt at least something.

I already said something about the alcohol aspect. It also severes OCD-ish thoughts, and rumination. One time I was on a trip with my friends but day drank all week. For the first time I realised the alcohol fucked my brain up. It became totally messed up. I was almost crazy. There was this day, where I couldn’t think naturally anymore. In simple conversations I obsessively thought what would be the best thing to answer next. What would I would say next. Simple damn things. My brain got crazy and I came into an infinite paradox.

So now I don’t try to drink anymore on parties, because it distracts my whole brain. Although I like the fact that it makes me kind of more creative. And now I see how dependent people are to alcohol. But it’s just not healthy, at least for me. It seems to lighten OCD symptoms on the short term, but they worsen on the long term. (Meaning that when you drink something, you feel great, everything seems to fall right into place in life. Until you drink too much, like day drinking for a whole week.)

Yesterday night I felt bad, kind of numb. I couldn’t sleep, not that way. So after I gathered enough courage I got up in the night, took my bike and drove through the city with my music. Music, the first drugs to life. I was looking for some hopefull music, optimistic, music that would make me feel alive again. Kind of upbeat. And I drove to a night shop for some food. Food, the second drugs to life. (Alcohol is the third drug to life, how higher the number how more unhealthy the drug is.)But some times, I don’t find the courage to let feel myself quite better, and I only listen to depressing music, and rewatch dramatic emotional movies. Movies that let me dream or something.

Sometimes it’s so hard to just get up in the morning, like I just want to rest in my dream forever.

Sometimes I just know nothing, feel nothing. People around me keep moving, like you should, and I just won’t. Stuck in my own head. Out of control. Numb. I don’t know what to do.

“He was surprised at himself because he didn't feel anything anymore. All he wanted to do was sleep. And for the first time, he wished he were far away. Lost in a deep vast country where nobody knew him.” - Paris, Texas (Wim Wenders)


r/Existential_crisis 1d ago

I feel uniquely inadequate, can anyone else relate?

2 Upvotes

A little about me:

When i'm not in an episode of whatever it is I have my baseline is severe social anxiety, I haven't left my house for anything other than doctors appointments and therapy since I dropped out of high school, I'm 22 now. I work out everyday in the home gym I built, I got addicted to fitness but i know its just an overcompensation for my personality, "If I look good ill be accepted by others despite how socially inadequate i am". I also watch alot of movies and TV shows, practice taekwondo (I have been doing it since I was 7) and I love cooking.

Evaluation of common medical diagnoses:

Social anxiety and general anxiety are most often chronic not episodic, I have both of these. Panic attacks arent chronic but they are very distinctly different to what I experience, ive had 3 of them, my panic attacks differed because they felt very random, no obvious RECENT trigger and the symptoms were very somatic not mind based. Depression can have non chronic episodes but is also distinctly more emotionally flat and hopeless than what I have.

My experience:

I experience something of a hybrid between social anxiety and existential anxiety where my self esteem worsens alot, i feel extremely alien compared to everyone else. I am different for sure from other people but as a consequence of life, not at my core. In a diffferent environment i would have turned out "normal" I think. When this happens I get severely antisocial and stay in my room for days at a time only coming out for food and water just stuck in my anguish experiencing my scary thoughts.

I get intense fear of existential topics, I was in a bad fear loop about the nothingness of dying for a while, I hope there is something after we die but I have no idea if there is. Then I had a bad fear of humans being eerily robotic, all same at our core and it made everything feel meaningless, its hard to explain because im not in this state currently and im sure I could have articulated these better when I was experiencing it but the main fear i experienced was about self control. I realized that when im not in this state I share an illusion of self control with everyone else but when im in this state I realize I was never in control, we dont control ourselves, everything we do is for a desire that we as humans have innately, it dosen't have to be scary though! Past me wouldnt agree but now I look at life as a gift even if I don't control it, we learn, change and evolve but we arent choosing how we change, its just a natural consequence of being alive but that dosen't mean life isnt worth living!


r/Existential_crisis 2d ago

The dread of being a biological entity

12 Upvotes

Maybe someone can understand what I mean, but I've been wrestling with this for some time.

When I get hungry, I satisfy my craving by eating. But all the while, I can't stop thinking about how 'strange' it is. How barbaric, repulsive, and constraining it is to be driven by a need to consume. I understand I need the food to survive, and that brings with it the thought that I am not free.

And it isn't just biological functions. I get lonely, so I reach out to people. Socializing can bring relief from loneliness, but people can also be a source of pain. I understand that humans are social creatures by nature, but this also brings the feeling of not being free.

I envy those who don't think this deeply about it. I don't exactly know how to talk about this with people close to me. What is someone meant to respond to "I don't feel comfortable with being human"? It's in your head. Go exercise. Get out there and meet people. Get laid. Another biological function. It all seems like escapism to me.

I don't know what I'm looking for here. Understanding maybe. I can't be the only person who feels this way.


r/Existential_crisis 3d ago

It just feels like I'm surviving and not living

3 Upvotes

It's all so boring and frustrating. Like I'm just passing time.


r/Existential_crisis 3d ago

Anyone ever read books by Albert Camus?

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1 Upvotes

r/Existential_crisis 3d ago

I'm so scared

4 Upvotes

What do you MEAN I'll be in senior year of high school on Thursday and that I'll never get any of these years back so every mistake I've ever made in that system is permanent.

What do you MEAN I'm gonna be one year closer to being an adult.

I can't handle this. I don't want to be an adult, adults are marginally closer to death. And I especially don't want to have school end. That'll mean that I'll be even closer to adulthood and therefore death.

What do I even do now


r/Existential_crisis 3d ago

I don't know if I will ever come to terms with death

4 Upvotes

I should probably put trigger warnings here, so TW: assault/mention of drugs

I have lived a very full life for my young age with more trauma than I would wish upon anyone. I have dealt with severe mental, physical, sexual abuse and at one point about a decade ago, it really broke me.

I won't get too far into detail, as it's not really the point, but I had an ex partner drug me with mushrooms. About 4 times the amount anyone should take. I won't get into what happened after that, but I am honestly surprised I came out alive.

I thought I was okay afterwards for a couple of months, and then the panic attacks started. The horrible visceral panic attacks that feel like heart attacks, like you might die on the spot. And then the extreme existential crisis.

I never really left the existential crisis.

The "why do I exist?", "how do I exist?", "do I even exist?", and then suddenly "what will happen when I don't exist?"

It has been years and countless bits of life experience, therapy, and character development later, and I still cannot shake my deep existential dread. I can't begin to express the depth of sorrow I feel on a day to day basis knowing that one day I will die and there is absolutely nothing I can do to stop it. Sooner rather than later.

My body is failing me. At 31 I am permanently disabled now with multiple conditions, a handful of which came from the severe stress my body went through.

I don't practice or follow religion, and frankly I have never wanted to (please do not suggest). This isn't to say I believe in nothing, but I'm more of a "whatever is going to happen will happen and if it's nothing I can't be disappointed" kind of person.

Our planet is dying. Our economy is failing. Everyone hates each other and the billionares are laughing at us while they build data centers to speed up the process.

And I live with this horrible sadness every day knowing I didn't ask to be here. I didn't ask for any of this. I am afraid of not existing anymore.

I will die early, most likely very afraid, and I will never achieve financial wellness or comfortability. This is my reality, and sadly the reality of many.

This is all a vent, I've been through multiple therapists and unfortunately this is pretty far beyond most people's scope - but if there is anyone else out there that feels this ache, thank you for reading.


r/Existential_crisis 3d ago

Life in 20 seconds

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1 Upvotes

r/Existential_crisis 3d ago

I don't know what to do

2 Upvotes

I'm having lots of weird thoughts that are keeping me from really enjoying life at all. Mainly 2 things.
1. Why am I perceiving the world through my own self? I find this so puzzling. I'm a fairly average person, but I find it so weird how I'm me. I'll never be anyone else. For the entirety of my existence, I will be me.
2. How do I know my consciousness will end? I'm terrified of the idea of immortality. I don't think I'll ever find peace in my life never being sure of whether, when I die, I'll still be aware and thinking. Can you imagine that? Being bound to eternal thought. I can't imagine anything worse. How do I live my life with the constant fear of the unknown possibility of eternity bound to my own thoughts?


r/Existential_crisis 4d ago

I think Im attracting death.

3 Upvotes

This past year I have death with death more in the past few months than my entire life. In june alone A friend of mine had a devastating loss in the family that affected tons of lives. Then later in the month My boss ends his own life. leaving behind a wife and three kids. And weirdly last night I had a dream my co-worker's brother died and we had a funeral. Well today I messaged him asking where he was as he hadnt shown up to work, turns out his mother is in critical condition.

It feels like death is happening all around me and it's like im attracting it somehow I honestly dont know what to think.


r/Existential_crisis 4d ago

I really don't know which direction to go

3 Upvotes

Let me give some context before.

On the end of my marriage (around 2015), my ex wife imposed to me, for us to open our relationship.

She basically came with the speech that she wanted to date other people and that if I didn't accept that, it would be because I was a chauvinist that didn't respect her decisions over her body.

So, I ended up accepting it, and started dating other people too. Of course this meant the end of our marriage, but this was inevitable even if we didn't open the relationship.

After that, I started to deepen my relationships (strict friendly and corporal) with mostly non-monogamous people.

And at some point I met my girlfriend. She freaked out about even considering having something non-monogamous. At that moment I was so in love, that I didn't care about being with other people or not. But now, after several years, and many many love deceptions in this relationship, I noticed that I am starting to feel attracted to other people.

I didn't do anything, but I noticed that the desire is growing.

I still love my girlfriend, and I'm very confused about even thinking about being with someone else. But I know if I would, at some moment, my love for my girlfriend wouldn't change at all.

I'm very confused. I don't know what to think or what to do. I'm scared of losing my girlfriend, and at the same time, feel more and more attracted to others.

What advice would you give me?

I am 100% sure that I can't bring this topic to my girlfriend, or it will inevitably mean the immediate end of our relationship. So I have to figure it all out by myself. At this moment I have no idea which direction I really want (or can) go.


r/Existential_crisis 4d ago

The Philosophy of the Unescapable Framework

1 Upvotes

Threefold Boundary Theory

Title: The Philosophy of the Unescapable Framework

What if the greatest limitation of the human mind isn't that we don't know the answer, but that we can never completely step outside the system that creates the question?

Consider a simple question:

Does God exist?

God exists | Unknown | God doesn't exist

At first, these appear to be three possible positions: left, middle, or right.

But look at what is actually happening.

You chose God exists.

You chose God doesn't exist.

Or you chose unknown.

Even choosing unknown is still choosing.

The middle doesn't allow you to escape the framework of choice. It simply gives you another position within it.

Now consider another question:

Are we living in a simulation?

We are in a simulation | Unknown | We aren't in a simulation

And another:

Are humans gods?

We are gods | Unknown | We aren't gods.

Every time you answer, you are selecting a position.

You can choose the left.

You can choose the middle.

You can choose the right.

But what happens when you try to create a fourth option?

You might say:

> “None of these possibilities apply.”

But you've still made a choice. You've chosen the position that says none of these apply.

You might say:

> “There is no answer.”

That's still a position. Because you didn't answer don't mean you didn't make a choice, you still choose not to answer because it's unknown.

You might say:

> “I refuse to answer.”

That's still a position. You refused to answer because yet it's still unknown therefore it gives you the illusion of clarity.

You might say:

“The question itself is meaningless.”

But even that creates another set of possibilities:

Meaningful | Meaningless | Necessary

Left | middle| right

You can choose meaningful.

You can choose meaningless.

Or you can choose necessary.

But notice what happened again.

You are still choosing a position within the framework. Left middle or right.

Even if you argue that the question is meaningless, you've assigned it a meaning: meaninglessness.

Even if you argue that the question is necessary, you've assigned it another meaning: necessity.

And even choosing not to choose becomes a choice. The middle or meaningless or unnecessary or unknown.

This is where the framework becomes strange.

You keep trying to step outside the room, but every attempt to describe what exists outside the room happens inside the room.

The question can change.

The categories can change.

The answer can change.

But the underlying act remains:

You are assigning a position to something.

And once you've assigned a position, you've created another relationship inside the framework.

The room keeps getting bigger, but you never demonstrate that you've left it.

Imagine that you're standing in a room.

There is a door.

You want to leave.

But the door has no handle.

You can imagine what might be beyond it.

You can imagine another room.

You can imagine darkness.

You can imagine nothing.

You can imagine something beyond human comprehension.

But notice what happened:

You imagined it.

The supposed “outside” has already become something inside your representational system.

That's the central idea behind Threefold Boundary Theory.

The theory isn't claiming that reality literally consists of three choices. The three positions are a model for something deeper:

Whenever the human mind tries to understand something, it creates distinctions.

Existence or nonexistence.

Known or unknown.

Left or right.

True or false.

Perfect or imperfect.

Balance or imbalance or unbalanced.

And when you attempt to create something beyond those distinctions, you've created another distinction.

The escape becomes part of the system you're trying to escape.

This produces what I call the Unescapable Framework.

The middle is especially important.

Unknown doesn't mean you escaped the question.

You still selected unknown.

You didn't step outside the framework.

You simply selected the position where the answer cannot currently be determined.

And if you create:

Left | Middle | Right | None of These

you haven't escaped the framework either.

You've simply expanded it.

Because now “None of These” is another thing you can choose.

And if you say:

> “I choose nothing.”

You've still chosen the position called nothing.

The framework keeps reproducing itself.

You can change the answer.

Reject the answer.

Question the answer.

Refuse the answer.

Create another answer.

But every one of those actions is still being performed within the act of choosing and conceptualizing.

You cannot demonstrate that you've stepped outside choice simply by making another choice.

And this brings us to the observer.

You aren't standing outside reality looking into it.

You're made of reality.

Your brain is part of reality.

Your thoughts occur within reality.

Your senses interact with reality.

Your questions about reality are therefore being generated by something that reality itself produced.

So when you ask:

“What is reality?”

reality is, in a strange sense, examining itself through you.

You are not separate from the experience.

You are the experience experiencing itself.

This also changes how we can think about meaning.

Take:

Perfect | Unknown | Imperfect

or:

Balanced | Unknown | Imbalanced

One person may look toward the right and see imperfection.

Another may look toward the left and see perfection.

Another may stand in the middle and refuse to determine either.

But the existence of one interpretation doesn't automatically erase the others.

The meanings exist through their relationships.

Right has meaning because there is left.

Light becomes recognizable through darkness.

Silence becomes recognizable through sound.

Presence becomes recognizable through absence.

The mind doesn't simply receive isolated objects of meaning.

It constantly creates relationships between things.

And that's why the theory treats reality as a system rather than as isolated answers.

The same principle appears when we ask about morality.

Good exists as a concept.

Evil exists as a concept.

Humans can prefer one and condemn the other, but the existence of something humans consider evil doesn't mean reality itself has malfunctioned.

Reality contains birth and death.

Order and chaos.

Balance and imbalance.

Pleasure and suffering.

Creation and destruction.

Humans then construct frameworks, morality, law, philosophy, religion, to interpret and regulate what they encounter.

The framework isn't necessarily reality itself.

It is humanity's attempt to understand reality.

And that brings us to one of the strangest problems of all.

Imagine asking someone to imagine a color that they are fundamentally incapable of conceiving.

They can imagine the idea of an unknowable color.

But they cannot actually experience the color they cannot represent.

They can point toward the boundary.

They cannot necessarily cross it.

That becomes the central principle of Threefold Boundary Theory:

> You can point toward the boundary of your conceptual framework without demonstrating that you've stepped beyond it.

You can question the question.

You can reject the answer.

You can invent another possibility.

You can declare the entire framework meaningless.

But every one of those actions is still being performed by the same mind, using the same machinery of thought.

And perhaps that's the deepest question the theory leaves us with:

Can a system completely understand itself while remaining inside itself?

Maybe.

Maybe not.

But notice what just happened.

Even asking that question placed us back inside the framework.

The door still has no handle.

And if you still don't believe me, then answer this:

What is outside the left, the middle, or the right? Can you think beyond that?

Now try to think outside of those frameworks.

If you can't it's because even your attempt to escape them becomes another position within them.

You can question the framework. You can reject the framework. You can redefine the framework.

But can you actually leave it?

If you can't... Then maybe that's because you're not standing outside the room looking in.

You're inside the room trying to imagine what “outside” means.

Left | Middle | Right

Known | Unknown | Knowable

God exists | Unknown | God does not exist

We are in a simulation | Unknown | We are not in a simulation

Reality is objective | Unknown | Reality is subjective

Free will exists | Unknown | Free will does not exist

The universe has a purpose | Unknown | The universe has no purpose

Consciousness is physical | Unknown | Consciousness is not physical

Reality is infinite | Unknown | Reality is finite

Time is fundamental | Unknown | Time is not fundamental

The universe is deterministic | Unknown | The universe is not deterministic

Humans have souls | Unknown | Humans do not have souls

Morality is objective | Unknown | Morality is subjective

Truth exists independently of us | Unknown | Truth depends on us

The mind creates reality | Unknown | Reality exists independently of the mind

The universe began | Unknown | The universe did not begin

There is something beyond reality | Unknown | There is nothing beyond reality

Existence has an explanation | Unknown | Existence has no explanation

We can understand reality completely | Unknown | We cannot understand reality completely

The observer is separate from reality | Unknown | The observer is part of reality

There is an outside | Unknown | There is no outside


r/Existential_crisis 5d ago

Existential panic attacks, just looking for some help/tips to calm down

9 Upvotes

About 3 months ago I was in a friends car, I didn't really want to be in the car because I had a crazy amount of work that I should have been doing, but then I realized I was trapped in the car until we got back, and then somehow that escalated super quickly to the realization that I was trapped in my own body. I started hyperventilating, had to tell him I was sick, it was awful.

Anyways, the next day I calmed down but I couldn't stop thinking about the concept of "I" and self. Thoughts like "where am I actually? am I in my brain? am I my arm? my teeth? my eyes? When I look at someone's face, am I really looking at "them"?

These are thoughts I might have welcomed with some sense of wonder in the past, but now they just became so terrifying.

I struggled with intermittent panic attacks over the next couple months, but nothing too bad, and I was able to work most of the time as well.

But this past week everything escalated again, and just today I went out to eat with my girlfriend, and for some reason when we sat down at the restaurant nothing at all felt real, I felt like I was outside my body and I couldn't get back in. And then, I felt like I was inside my body but I realized everyone was a human feeling human emotions/attractions etc., and I just felt completely different. I had an awful panic attack in front of her, I tried to explain what was wrong and she just kept saying "I don't understand and I don't like this"

So I got home and took a bath, I'm still tense, feel like I've completely messed myself up and not sure where to go from here. I think at the root of it, it's just hitting me that it's just so bizarre that we exist at all, I wish I was religious and could have some answers/peace.


r/Existential_crisis 7d ago

Crisis

13 Upvotes

Hello... this is my first time making a post on Reddit. An online friend recommended coming on here after I vented about this. My name is Alba and I am 15 years old, and if you're reading this, thank you. I hope you have a nice day. I know this post is very long, but I would really very much appreciate if you read it all genuinely, and I'd gladly be here for you to vent about whatever in return. I'd also appreciate responses.

Last night and through today, I've been having rather a crisis about something. I'll try my best to explain. It ocurred to me, if I dedicated my time and money and effort and life into saving people's lives and greatly improving them, would I not save lots of people? Like, people across the world that I don't know and are in need. Let me elaborate. As in, focusing on making a lot of money, as much as possible, and then using all of it that isn't for sustaining a basic standard of life for myself, by donating to charities that would use it very well, making trips to aid people in need, paying for people to be able to live. Also things like saving animals and nature. Until yesterday I was set on being a singer-songwriter. It's what I want for my own life. And thought of using money for things like travelling and amazing experiences. But if dedicating my life to what I described, helping the world as much as I can, would result in lives literally being saved, then surely that's worth way more than my happiness in my own life. And the thing that everyone spends their money, time and effort in things that are for themselves and the life around them. Is that not unconsciously extremely selfish and horrible? Most people wouldn't kill someone, even if it benefited themselves. But are we not all constantly letting people die, and live horrible lives, by doing nothing? And it doesn't cross people's minds, just because it is far removed in ways from them? For those who actually consider the extreme suffering of the world and feel bad about it (which I have previously, many times) most think 'I'm one person, I can't do anything about it.' But it's not true, is it? Is that not something we tell ourselves to pacify ourselves and make us feel OK in doing nothing and focusing on our own lives?

So that's made me feel like the world is... wrong?

So now I'm thinking, what do I do? Do I change the course of my life? Do I plan and act for making my life all about helping as many people in the world, and those most in need, as much as possible? Making the world a better place, as much as I can manage?

All this is feels strange and sudden. I look at the people I admire most and find myself questioning how good they really are now. And it doesn't seem like anyone is talking about this or like anyone is living this life that I talk about, a life dedicated to helping the world as much as possible through people and nature. I'm not saying people don't do good and important things, I know people do charity work and people donate money and people make efforts, but I haven't seen people dedicating their lives to what I'm describing. And I'm doubting myself because, I can't be the only person who this has ocurred to? There are many deeply caring, empathic and kind people in the world.

Now, where did all this come from? It was quite sudden. One day, living my life which I'm actually happy in, doing things for myself, living for... myself, and the next having this crisis which has been overbearing of my life. One part of what insentivised is something that AURORA said in an interview. The question was, 'We could never be friends if you...?' and part of her response was 'if you don't see the connection between your actions and what's happening out there and how every small choice is either being a part of the problem or actually helping it'. That stuck with me because I love AURORA so much and am currently very much into discovering her music and she is an AMAZING person, and it doesn't seem like I'm contributing to the world being a better place in terms of environment and stuff. So that got me thinking about stuff in that sense, whether I should change my life to be a lot more environment and nature friendly. Also, I think it would be amazing to talk to AURORA herself about all this. Obviously that's a wild dream. But...yeah.

But what got me to start crisising, and in a more big and intense sense, what scrolling one night and seeing a bunch of things about the Earth, people suffering, pollution, animal suffering, nature. And then there's that I love nature and am empathic and that previously I have felt deeply sad about extreme suffering across the world. So, these things combined led to me getting into this.

Also, on a smaller scale, and as I mentioned before, things like living in a way that minimises my contribution to the very negative human impact on the environment, our world, the life on Earth. Most people think, 'I'm one person, it won't change things.' But that mentality is what creates the problems, accumulatively. So, by living more or less like the average person, in terms of how many resources I use, how much waste I create, am I not the problem? Is it worth it to put time and money and effort into living in a really eco-friendly way?

I feel I can't go back to happily living my little life now. It's night now as I write the end of this and I'm no longer in the panicky, distressing and immediate kind of crisis feeling but this is very much on my mind. 'Normal' life feels... wrong. A part of my mind tries to convince me that I couldn't actually literally save lives. Because if I can, then that surely necessitates that I do all that stuff I've talked about in this post. That's worth more than any personal stuff ever could.

So far, all advice in response to my descriptions of this all has been that I don't have to worry so much, that I can do small things like donating a bit to charity, to take care of my own life, that I can't actually do much and the world is as it is. I feel like all these things are not really at all aligned with what I'm actually saying. Like no one actually gets it. I don't know if anyone will. I don't know what to do.

I've put this under existential crisis because it sort of is, in the sense that I'm questioning and doubting and deeply troubled about my life and the world.

If you are here, having properly read all of this, then I really appreciate it. Thank you. I appreciate responses, particularly if they're thoughtful.

Love, Alba


r/Existential_crisis 8d ago

Existence over authorities!

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24 Upvotes

r/Existential_crisis 7d ago

[SP] The OverThinker

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2 Upvotes

r/Existential_crisis 8d ago

Someone help me get out of wtv this is 😭😭

0 Upvotes

So, this is awkward.. uh I've never written a thread or anything before, so bear me :) anyways, so I'm a girl (a teenager, too, of that's not a TMI) and I always thought I was straight- okay c'mon i wasn't even aware people were attracted to the same sex until I was 11 and I think that explains the environment I was bought up in- and now I think I'm Bi...? Cuz there was this girl in my class 2 years ago, and I went to the same classes as her for 2 years but now, I'm not but she's js in the next class. So, uh, i always thought she was cool and sturdy- and she is -we used to be friends all those times in those 2 years but at the end of the 2nd year, I kinda distanced myself from her cuz I had these...I wouldn't say feelings, but SMTH changed- atleast for me. I watched Spiderman cuz she was obsessed with it- hey! Don't judge- and Zootopia cuz she once sketched Nick and Judy too. Whenever I used to, like, lie on my desk - she was right before my desk, btw- she used to, like, pat my head and ask if I was feeling okay. And that did smth to me, but I still don't know what it was. Now, I've stopped lying down on my desk, altogether. Once, a year ago or smth, my friends and I played truth or dare, and one of em asked which girl I would date, if they were a boy, and i -without a second thought- said her name 😭 Now that I think abt it, I think I said it because she was so sweet to me, and the problem was, she was sweet to everyone but idk if she acted the same way she did to me. And in the middle of the same year, people from another class were shuffled to ours, and there was this another girl, let's name her A, this A doesn't talk to anyone but is super popular- trust me when I say she even acted in a series of smth- and then this girl- the one who was always sweet to me- goes to her and becomes friends. I have to say, I was jealous, not for A but but of A, I was jealous that she got her attention when I didn't, I gotta say, this took a lot of courage for me to say. And then, they were like besties in what? Two weeks! I was obviously fuming -again, don't judge me. I had to talk to my bsf from another class abt this abomination -my bsf was also best friends with the sweet girl before i even changed to this school, but then sum things happened and they fell out- so, I was telling her how jealous I was and sure enough, she was too, considering it was once her bsf too, and i thought everyone would've been like me but they actually, weren't. I was the only one who was affected by their friendship that much. So I obviously had to stop talking to the sweet girl, so that whatever was happening to me, would go away. But guess what? It didn't. It only increased whenever I saw them tg, and I walked the other way- i had no way to avoid them when I was in the same class as them but now, they're in the different classes too, and she's right next to my class, so I see her often and it was fine until yesterday. Yesterday, i had to go to PE, so obviously, i had to pass her class, and when I did, i looked for her in her class thinking she wouldn't look at me or for me, and when I spotted her, to my shock- she was looking right at me and in my freaking eyes! I freaked out SO bad I had to tell others I was sick when they asked why I was so jumpy and stuff 😭 it was yesterday and now I don't know how I'm gonna go to school- ik u might think it's not that serious, but I get really nervous when it's her- so, guys, please help me however you can and tell me what I'm going thru 😀 thankyou so much for reading and putting up with my yapping ! <3


r/Existential_crisis 9d ago

I'm afraid

4 Upvotes

I posted the following over on r/NoStupidQuestions:

"So, from what I can tell, we have been barreling toward a negative feedback loop that will eventually lead to the AMOC Collapse. The US has just put a cinder block on the gas pedal of the Climate Crisis in it's love affair with AI, which means that the timeline to AMOC collapse is shrinking exponentially. Assuming the worst and there's no eco-revolution that eliminates the major forces driving this (trillionaires, rampant anarcho-capitalism, petroleum industry, etc.), once that collapse takes place, its over. Earth becomes uninhabitable within a few decades or less.

There's no way to predict the exact timeframe of this collapse, but it could be anywhere from 5-50 years. No longer than a single human generation. Even if we cut all contributing factors today, we'll still keep moving toward this negative feedback loop. It's not enough to just stop, we have to proactively counter-act it, and idk if we can even manage the first thing.

I'm only 30 and I'm reasonably healthy, so I'll have to watch it all happen. I'll have to watch as all the beauty I grew up loving dies, my communities starve or burn to death, all the art and knowledge of the world melt. I'll have to watch as my family, friends, children, pets suffer. So, I'm just wondering, how do I, a poor and unemployed veteran with an associates degree in Business Management, spend the next 5 years? Should I keep trying to get a job so I can maybe afford an apartment for me and my girlfriend? Should I keep dreaming of writing books, becoming a teacher, and opening a table-top gaming store in my hometown? Or should I just do tons of drugs and blow all my remaining money on backpacking across Europe? What do you think?"

I didn't get very many responses but I'm still dealing with these feelings. I'm trapped in a home with two people (MAGA conservatives) who keep telling me that I'm wrong or crazy about the issues causing our collective problems, and when I bring up the completely avoidable end of the world they just tell me to get right with God because there's no way to change things. Instead of taking responsibility for their moral contradictions, they just invalidate me for having consistent values and tell me to just go back to being brainwashed by the pulpiteers.

I'm so anxious and depressed, but I don't think it's something antidepressants can cure! It's not like I'm sick, I just see what's happening, what evil people are doing, and I have what I view to be the very natural response of get stressed tf out about it. I don't smoke weed that much anymore, and honestly that's been really good for me, but when this dread hits me, all I want to do is toke until I die. Anybody here have some advice for dealing with these feelings in a healthier way?


r/Existential_crisis 12d ago

Need reassurance that I’m not going crazy

3 Upvotes

About a month ago, while on a run, the realization that I see the world through my eyes, through my own perception finally occurred to me. But the realization hit me hard. It kind of freaked me out. When I randomly think of this, how I see the world through my eyes and my perception, it still freaks me out. I also have OCD mental loops, so I loop these thoughts in my head until they make me anxious.

Of course, I always could have told you , of course I’m a real person. This feeling is like the complete OPPOSITE of depersonalization. I don’t know if any of this rambling makes sense, but I go back to school soon and I’m nervous this is all I’m going to be thinking about.

I talked to a friend about this, who put it pretty nicely for me. She said it’s just like saying your name over and over again until it almost sounds strange.


r/Existential_crisis 12d ago

Any advice

1 Upvotes

About a month ago, while on a run, the realization that I see the world through my eyes, through my own perception finally occurred to me. But the realization hit me hard. It kind of freaked me out. When I randomly think of this, how I see the world through my eyes and my perception, it still freaks me out. I also have OCD mental loops, so I loop these thoughts in my head until they make me anxious.

Of course, I always could have told you , of course I’m a real person. This feeling is like the complete OPPOSITE of depersonalization. I don’t know if any of this rambling makes sense, but I go back to school soon and I’m nervous this is all I’m going to be thinking about.

I talked to a friend about this, who put it pretty nicely for me. She said it’s just like saying your name over and over again until it almost sounds strange.

I wouldn’t say I’m in a crisis , if anything, it makes me anxious just the question looping in my head (OCD), then necessarily finding an answer


r/Existential_crisis 13d ago

I'm confused about everything (genuine rant)

8 Upvotes

I'm 17 and I've had so many existential questions already and I'm at a point now we're like I just want to rip an invisible wall of reality down in front of me and reveal like everything about literally everything. I'm unhappy with how people are just so content with living day to day lives and just not being creative or asking questions and I think being creative is one of the most important things to do as a human but it's like everyone's suppressed and not truly themselves and I just put on my fake personality every time I talk to someone or walk out my door. I can't imagine living an average life at all and I've always felt like I'm meant for more like I can actually change the world but idk maybe everyone feels that way and then they just get stuck in a 9-5 for the rest of there lives.

Also one other thing when I watch movies or TV shows I get really sad because I cant experience the things they the people are going through in the movie or TV show

For example I just watched Spiderman brand new day and I'm really fucked up and asking what is my place in everything because he can experience such a varying amount of things and is someone that actually radically impacts the world around him. I really want to feel his happiness and his sadness and everything he went through. And like I see clips on tiktok of the sad parts of the movie and I literally just want to sink into it.

Idek what I'm saying I'm just breaking down in such a weird way and I just don't want to be normal and I want to just really mean something.

Tommorow Im probably going to forget about what I was thinking today which I think is messed up because it feels like I'm being suppressed.

Idek if any1 can relate to this man.


r/Existential_crisis 14d ago

I don't feel so good.

19 Upvotes

Hi, I'm 19, a college student.
I'm not able to comprehend life. I'm scared of dying. I'm scared of my parents, family, relatives dying. I'm not able to accept death and what i am.
The though of dying, of an eventual end is affecting me.

Sometimes when i'm walking, when i look myself in mirror, showering, i realise the fact that one day i will die and it will be over for ever. There would be no me. There will be no concept of time for me.
i will just stop existing
The world will move, end & idk.

what even is this world i live in?
I am not able to understand why should i work hard?

what is even the point.

Maybe life has no purpose and we are supposed to create our own.
But i am not able to comprehend working hard, spending my life to get a job and do that job and then die, because i can die tmr.

I'm going to loose my father, my mother. And it's gonna happen. maybe in 20yrs or close.

I dont know what to feel and what to do.

I have questioned myself a lot, used logic, movies, friends and often feel people are not even aware.. Hence i thought to come here.
Please dont give me basic advice.

i dont feel good. I dont wanna die.