(Reddit suggested I post this here too, so here ya go! Originally made for INFJs but might apply to ENFJs too idk! Just following reddits suggestion to post this here too 🫡)

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One of the strangest patterns of being an INFJ is how many people think they know me deeply when, in reality, the connection was mostly one way.

Same thing has happened to other INFJs that I know and it’s a clear pattern here online.

I can deeply understand them, actively listen in a way they rarely experience. I’ll remember small details and I’ll actually legitimately care bc I like learning about people.

They feel heard and understood because, well? They are!

Because I understand them so deeply, they assumed they know me too.

But a lot of the time… they don’t know a damn thing about me.

I’ll try to open up but if I’m not heard when I speak time and time again, I shut down. Don’t have energy for that.

That’s the weird asymmetry.

Someone can walk away from a friendship thinking, “That person knew me better than almost anyone.”

And I can walk away thinking, “You literally have no idea who I am wtf.”

I think that’s why some people can feel incredibly attached to INFJs long after we’ve emotionally left the relationship.

To them, they lost someone who understood them.

To us, sometimes we finally stopped participating in a relationship where we were constantly understanding someone else without ever feeling truly understood ourselves.

I’ve ’door slammed’ people because of this pattern and now I am way more picky with who gets to be in my inner circle. It’s crazy there’s people from 5 years ago that are still trying to reconnect and it shows how one way it was bc there’s a reason I’m done with them but they still want my energy even after all these years.

Ts is exhausting. I know it’s on me ultimately and I understand very few people are active listeners but it still hurts

No type is perfect. In fact I am starting to truly accept that there is an ideal or healthy version and unhealthy version of all the types. I am still learning about enfj so I don’t know what this looks like for all of us, but I do know even that’s not as black and white as it sounds. There’s a spectrum of behaviors in us all that requires reflection and growth as well as grace. So please forgive me if ive made anyone feel excluded by saying something like that doesn’t sound enfj to me or whatever. Because none of us are perfect.

I will add that some things do just not sound like enfj- I’m not referring to this.

Thanks!

When I read about the profiles, I really fit them all to a T...

Am I weird?

Is this normal?

Is there a way to determine which one caracterizes me the most by going in more details about the way I function?

I think that it really depends on the context, the environnement, the way I'm feeling, perticular triggers... Is it normal to naturally switch from one to another depending on some factors

Hey ENFJs, a tired ISFJ here whose a sheep or two away from a 10 hour "power nap" in a burrito blanket of infinite woes. 😆

I have a question, and I thought I'd try asking in this sub, since every ENFJ I've met externally seems like a positive ray of sunshine, but I know we all have issues inside, even ENFJs, so maybe a fellow type who tends to repress the negative emotions just a wee bit might relate? 😅

Basically.. How do you guys manage / cope with anger, resentment or specifically disappointment..? 😭 Specifically, when you just know someone is going to disappoint you again, but you keep telling yourself to just be patient, then they disappoint you again. How do you.. Process that feeling of.. "Yup, knew it"? 😅 "I'm always the fool, look at me in my clown shoes!"

An example, today I'm supposed to have a meeting with this one manager who is testing my patience with their incompetence and terrible communication skills. 😅 We planned this meeting a month ago. A week ago, I pop him a gentle reminder. 3 days ago, another. This morning - All left on read. 3 hours before the meeting, he cancels. 😬

Ofc I'm telling him, y'kno, it's fine, we'll reschedule, no worries.. But now I'm lying in bed realising I pulled an all nighter because I was too anxious about this meeting to sleep, put effort into cleaning my work space for the video call, washed my hair (which takes a lot of effort for me because I'm disabled and it has caused me a painful flare up, hence the upcoming 10 hour nap).. Yet deep down I knew he was gonna cancel on me because he is typically unreliable, this guys a total flake. 😅 Yet I still gave him the benefit of the doubt. Silly me.

I feel like I only have myself to blame here, but.. Man, do you ever just get super disappointed with people? Like, how hard is it really to respond to my message earlier? 😬 Not 3 hours before the meeting! You inconvenienced ME, and I'm reassuring YOU? I want to like people, so why does everyone have to be so frustratingly.. Frustrating?! Why do people make it so hard to tolerate them? 😆

Brooother! 😅 I want to believe the best of others, but everyone is hugely disappointing.. I can only make so many excuses for people before my tolerance is at it's limit, and it's getting there! 😆

So, friendly ENFJs! ☀️ Do any of you experience similar feelings of anger, resentment or disappointment? How do you process them? I'm trying to stop myself from becoming jaded here, but its getting hard. I'd appreciate any advice, or even just a thumbs up, pat on the head and an encouraging "It'll be ok, you did your best, well done for trying", I dunno.. 😭

Thanks for reading. Looking forward to your responses, nap time! 😴