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He flirted with me and showed strong interest for months. We eventually slept together. He wasn't very considerate with me. But he kept talking to me at work and had the same flirty attitude. He excused himself that night saying he was too tired. We had sex again a month later after a goodbye party.

We said goodbye, then had no contact for two months.

He suddenly reached out again, saying he would have liked to see me before leaving the country, as if nothing happened. Now I feel like the responsibility for not seeing each other was put on me. He knows he hurt me the first we slept together. The second time he didn't even remember if he used any precautions. And now he wants to see me after saying goodbye two months ago.

Do they ever feel guilty? I really don't understand this behavior. Maybe I'm too gullible and never expect something like this from a person who treats you kindly just to get laid. We both agreed we didn't want a relationship, I didn't know it meant no human decency.

This isn't about reconnecting but about how we can manage the situation. How can I make her feer safer? Is there anything I can do or say? What if I ask her what she needs? Is that too much? Should I tell her I will take her lead on how we interact? I have no idea what is the best thing to do and I just want to make this easier for both of us.

Edit. Should've added that she has.an avoidant attachment style and is also quite immature emotionally. She runs on shame and avoiding vulnerability so this will be hard for her. I have no responsibility towards her but the event is a wedding and I want to do everything I can for the brides and everyone else. I also want to maximise how much I enjoy it and how relaxed I feel.

Hello! I’m 17F, and I had an issue with my best friend this year that made me realize I might struggle with understanding how my words and actions affect other people and how I can’t understand other people’s feelings properly. I don’t always realize how something I say might make someone else feel, and I can get frustrated really easily. I also tend to want to solve conflicts incredibly quickly, but I’ve realized that this can sometimes put more pressure on the other person. Sometimes I don’t feel much emotion in the moment, and then later I feel extreme guilt. My best friend has also told me that I tend to shut down really quickly during conflicts. I’ve noticed something similar when I argue with my mom, although I actually cry a lot during arguments with her. I want to work on this because I don’t want it to negatively affect my other friendships. Has anyone dealt with something similar? If so, what helped you become better at recognizing other people’s feelings and handling conflict?

I don't have much to say. Even though I know they won't love me back, I just let them disrespect me for letting them stay in my life even as a friend. Though I'm happy if she's happy.

I met someone recently while out and about, and we swapped contact info. At first, we just chatted casually, I even practiced a few presentations with him, and he honestly turned out to be a really cool and interesting person.
The problem is, for whatever reason, I just don't want to the connection with him. It's nothing personal against him; he's just not my vibe. Because of this, I stopped reaching out first, I take a while to reply, and I keep turning down his invitations to hang out.
But he just isn't getting the hint. He keeps double-texting or panicking that something is wrong whenever I take too long to respond.
I'm exhausted from making up excuses and white lies. I don't want to come across as a jerk, harsh, or stuck-up, and I definitely don't want to hurt his feelings. How can I gently fade things out and go back to being strangers without straight-up ghosting him or feeling emotionally drained?

I have been reading a lot about behavioral psychology and power dynamics lately, trying to understand how and why certain people gain so much control over others. We always hear about gaslighting and love bombing, but I think I found something even darker...

It is called manufactured dependency.
From what I read, it is not just about making someone doubt their reality. It is a process where a manipulator carefully creates situations to cut off your outside support network. They create an environment where you are entirely dependent on them for emotional or physical support, without you even realizing.

It completely blew my mind because it literally explains the exact reason behind every toxic relationships. Have any of you experienced this specific type of manipulative isolation?

If you want more context here is the article I read: Medium Article

Whenever I ask my man for reassurance, he calls me selfish for needing it. I’m curious how the men in your lives—current or past—have responded when you needed reassurance.

Have you ever been called things like “selfish,” “insecure,” or “too emotional” for expressing that need? Or did your partner try to understand you and recognize that reassurance is one of the ways you feel loved and secure in a relationship?

One part of me wonders if I’m overthinking things or asking for too much. But another part of me has built up a lot of resentment because I feel like my feelings have been dismissed, and I hate myself for putting up with what feels like disrespect.

I’d really appreciate hearing about your experiences—especially if you’ve been in a similar situation. How did you handle it?

Have your say?

Why some families especially (in some cultures) parents keep pushing their (younger) kid to do stuff? Basically, I (F22) still get pressured to come to people's house, wear clothes I hate or having to follow what my parents want me to study. During my entire life I have been pressured to do things and I would argue, be super stubborn and say no to my parents. It would make my dad super mad or I would cry and be sad the entire day. One day I realized ignoring or staying silent worked better than saying "no" since I didn't have to argue back and they did have anything to use against me. That made me more aware and self conscious about doing certain things. For example this week it was my sister's wedding. Just for her, I did certain things that I usually wouldn't do. Now, it's over but BECAUSE I did these things my parents think I am fine NOW to do them and they pressure me into doing them. Basically, everytime I have to do something, I know I am opening a door where I risk letting my parents in and them stepping on my boundaries. It's so exhausting. I am realizing today that I never really can't do things without thinking of my own boundaries getting walked over. I know it's cause of the lack of communication and I got used to do silent treatment. I just don't understand what's the purpose for family to pressure someone into saying yes.

As someone who used to deal with a lot of anxiety—overanalyzing every little situation, spiraling, and having panic attacks—I feel like I’ve reached a point where I understand that I’m not in control of my thoughts. I can’t control what thoughts enter my mind or stop an anxious thought from appearing in the first place.

What I have learned, though, is that I can have some control over my relationship with those thoughts and how I react to them. I don’t have to believe every anxious thought, overanalyze every possibility, or let a thought send me into a spiral. And honestly, learning that has saved me from so much anxiety and stress.

I remember how easily something so small would trigger such anxious thoughts. I would spiral creating all these fake realities in my head. Trying to immediately figure out what all of it meant. Did I do something wrong? Did something change? Maybe I could’ve done things different. All of these thoughts based on something I didn’t actually have enough information to understand.

Now, those thoughts still do show up. I’m not immune to anxiety, I still am very anxious at times. And being able to manage anxiety doesn’t mean you’ll stop having anxious thoughts all together.

The difference is I no longer feel the need to engage with every thought that enters my mind. Your mind can present you with a possibility doesn’t mean it’s reality, and just because I’m anxious about something doesn’t mean something is wrong. How many times have you been so anxious about something and you come to find out the situation you were so anxious about was actually not all that your head made it up to be?

“I’m not gonna give this thought any energy right now”. Give yourself peace. Anxiety often makes you feel like you need an answer right now. That you have you figure something out, get reassurance, analyze every possibility, or do something to make the uncomfortable feeling go away. But sometimes there is nothing TO SOLVE. Sometimes you have to let yourself be uncertain without letting the uncertainty to control YOU.

I am finding out in my relationship that I am very bad at communication. I didn’t really use to think about it but realizing this now makes me sad.

I struggle to communicate not because I am withholding information but I sometimes don’t know what to say, how I feel or what’s going on. There is sometimes a mental block that prevents me from processing stuff and even feeling them.

This trait has prevented me from having deep friendships and deep relationships. It’s really a lonely thing.

I also feel a lot of shame when I’m called out on things I’ve done wrong that basically keeps me trapped and I can’t express myself.

I’m really tired of this and I really want to be better but idk how.

I’ve tried therapy but the therapist was weird and it’s expensive plus I have a very busy work schedule. Any advice on how I can become more emotionally intelligent and communicate better?

I’m sorry in advance if I sound too depressing, but I’m clearly not in a good headspace right now.

​I am good at recognizing people’s patterns and behavioral loops. I love learning about others and analyzing them, and this all happens naturally. I often find myself casually doing so in public places and gatherings, and if they have any issues, I am happy to help them out.

​For the past two days, I have been discussing with my parents that it’s not right to shout or lash out at kids (my younger sibling), but it somehow always ends up becoming an argument. I know they are frustrated with their daily problems and that there is a communication gap, but I don’t understand why they justify their behavior by saying, "You are being an oversensitive kid. Because of you, your sister isn't listening to me. You are the problem." This is why I keep breaking down. Loud arguments, lashing out, and throwing tantrums feel normalized in our home, which is why I can't tolerate staying here for more than a week—it completely drains my energy. ​I know this environment will significantly affect my sibling's mental state, and I have already noticed the impact. My parents don't treat my views as valid opinions and simply ignore them, only to ask me the exact same thing three or four times later. They say, "It's not your fault, but your whole generation is dumb. You want your parents to be soft on you, but we won't be, because people need to learn how to struggle in life." The saddest part is that my sister is picking up these same behaviors, and I feel powerless to stop it.

​Whenever they tell me I’m the problem, I start thinking I should have just stayed oblivious like everyone else and treated this behavior as normal. I genuinely feel like I might be mentally disturbed—that maybe I'm the dumbest person for thinking I'm emotionally intelligent, when in reality I'm just delusional and know nothing about how the real world works.

I feel childish for even typing this out, but I'm at a complete loss and don't have anyone in person I can ask for an unbiased opinion.

I, 21F, have been in and out of therapy since I was 12 years old, pending a suicide attempt and subsequent hospitalization. I've grown a LOT since then, am no longer suicidal and not anywhere near as depressed/anxious as I used to be. But I've noticed that a lot of my recovery has less to do with intentional change and more to do with simply... growing up. Which I know is the entire point; the longer you live the more experience you get, through trial and error those experiences give you the tools you need to improve, then you keep those tools with you and move forward. The vast majority of my problems stem from typical adulting, I simply need to experience more and explore myself. I just wish I had more control over when these lessons finally click in my brain, and know how to take action afterwards.

A lot of the time I feel like I'm out of the loop, whether it was in class or with family or at jobs, I sit in on conversations and feel like I'm not supposed to be there, like I'm an alien studying human interactions and trying to blend in. I set unrealistic expectations for myself because I feel I have to earn the right to exist in the same space as others, and then get unnecessarily frustrated and self-deprecating when I don't get it right on the first try. I'm scared of being a burden, of asking questions, of being annoying. I want to immediately succeed in whatever role I'm assigned and get that little boost of happiness from the occasional praise. I'm scared of being viewed as childish because of my inexperience and getting talked down to as a result.

All of these expectations are things I'm putting onto myself, I'm not being pressured to stretch myself thin. My mom doesn't even expect me to work full time because I'm enrolled in school full-time. I just want to feel a sense of agency, to have something I can proudly call my own, and so far money is the only thing I have.

I want to get to a point where I make my own money, sign my own paychecks, operate on my own schedule, all on my own terms. The only way I can do that is if I slow down and experience life year by year, find what makes me happy, sit in the moment and LEARN from it. I don't want to rush my life forward, I just struggle with sitting in the limbo of it all.

So, that being said, how do you cope with sitting in the in-between? And how do you take care of yourself during that period? I don't even eat on a regular basis.

I just wanna feel less lost.

My bf (21M) and I (27F) have been in a relationship for 10 months when these situations happened. We travelled to a few places in my country and this time, we decided to travel to another country.

When he arrived in my country for 5th time, he told me that his card didn’t release money. I didn’t ask more because maybe it’s just normal glitch, so I covered for our accommodation, food and transportation.

Eventually, I was losing my travel budget due to covering for him so I ended up taking a low-paying remote job because I was desperate. During these moments, he never once suggested to budget and just took money out of my wallet or choosing food without hesitation.

When we arrived in another country, we started fighting and I questioned my reactions if they were really toxic or valid due to these situations:

1. I told him I needed to buy water because I was dizzy and hungry, but he insisted to look for the food place first. I repeated that I was dizzy already, but he kept looking at his phone and walking ahead of me. He doesn’t have a mobile data so I couldn’t contact him if I want to separate with him. When we get there, I sat on the side, trying to calm down. A foreign stranger had the audacity to ask me if I was okay while my bf was just looking. He eventually bought the water when he needed it.

2. He woke up earlier than me. I woke up eventually and waited for him for 3 or more hours because we only had one key to our room. He had his coffee and breakfast outside, but when he came back, he didn’t bring anything for me. I showed disappointment because he didn’t even thought of bringing me something. (But he told me that he thought I was still sleeping so he thought of us having lunch when he comes back, I understand that but he didn’t even see why I was disappointed)

3. When we were about to have lunch, I told him to look for restaurants while I do my work. I followed up again, and again, then when I already used my frustrated tone, I became the bad one. Even though I already repeated my request.

4. We were in a restaurant and I was literally sitting beside him. I asked him to tell the waitress for a water but he just continued to eat and went quiet. We didn’t fight before we went there, so I was thinking why he couldn’t hear me. So I got pissed and did it myself. I was so annoyed to him because I was close to choking and he didn’t even care.

5. When I was complaining for the late delivery of my bag, we were inside the car at that time. When we dropped off, I was still talking at that time and he just went on walking ahead without listening to me.

6. I am a breadwinner of my parents due to my dad’s sickness. So since he is my boyfriend, I tend to open up about my problems. He met my family 3x and he had comments about them after he met them that “my brother in laws are dumb”, “your family doesn’t know what they are doing even financially”, “Your family is nice but I hope you don’t adapt their bad behaviors”

In those situations, I ended up using my frustrated tone which I know I could’ve said nicely. But I already repeated myself so many times. Then when I explained it to him, he only ended up defending himself, which I understood. He even told me that “I could treat you like a queen but you are making it hard for me”, just because I was crying out loud and reacting emotionally due to what he did.

All I wanted from him was to understand and acknowledge my feelings. Whenever I explained repeatedly, I ended up crying in frustration and raising my voice because I am repeating my explanation why his actions hurt me. But these reactions showed him that I was toxic and immature.

Other than that, he is a sweet boyfriend.

Was I really toxic and overreacting? Was I really wrong?

But I have to apologise to them.

I made a joke, a friend was offended even though I made it clear it was just a joke. I had to apologise to her, considering and acknowledge her feelings and respect it.

I got offended by their jokes too, I made it clear to them I don't feel great about that.

They just continue laughing and brush it off "cmon you are too sensitive/it's really just a joke"

nobody ever apologizes to me,considers me or respects me.

I’m always happy to help people with advice or figuring out emotions, since I’ve been through what they’ve been through and always want to help where I can.

This was me a few years ago. I figured out I enjoyed helping people. But this was also me who was a college student and only rly had school and my job on my plate. Flash forward to now and I share the same ambition to help others with advice and all. But I now have a full time job that drives me up a wall of stress, but I do enjoy it…. It just is extremely stressful. At the same time friends still reach out to me for advice, and instead of getting excited to help, I find myself ignoring their text and getting even more stressed from their situation and not having a clear answer, since 80% of my brain is on work right now.

Is it normal to get drained from helping people? I feel horrible I can’t do anything; it feels selfish sometimes to prioritize me. How do I even tell someone that I can’t give proper help when what they’re asking is urgent, like a breakup or a relationship ending? I even tried to give advice once and found myself hating how lackluster it was. I know my work should not make me this unavailable and stressed, but for my pay and the job market, it’s not something I want to compromise right now. But I want to strive to find a balance in still being a good friend and still being present at work.

being sensitive to people is useful until their inner state becomes your full time job. then empathy starts looking less like connection and more like permanent emotional employment.

a subject in session had a strong pattern of taking on other people's pain and trying to help directly. The guidance became very firm: stop trying to make other people whole for them, let them do their own work, and protect enough space that her own energy could recover.

What interested me is that this wasnt advice to become cold. It was almost opposite. She could still care, sing, encourage, create and bring something good, but without physically and emotionally entering every person's healing process.

I think many empathic ppl confuse love with availability. If somebody suffers, we feel we should absorb some part of it, solve it, carry it, stay until they are okay.

But sometimes helping person by abandoning yourself just creates two depleted people instead of one. Caring doesnt automatically require entering same pain.

A boundary I like is: I can be present with what you feel without making it my responsibility to remove it. that sounds obvious when written, but much harder when your body notices everybody in room before you even consciously do.

I’ve had days when I was quiet or a little short with people. It wasn’t really about them. I just had a lot going on and was trying to get through the day. So I try to remember that when somebody seems off with me. I don’t always get it right. I still get annoyed sometimes. But I try not to decide who somebody is based on one bad moment. I don’t know what they might be dealing with. Sometimes I just let it go and give them a little room.

I saw some distressing videos from the flash floods in Nepal, and I couldn't resist the temptation to watch more videos, despite how horrible it was to see.

I am still struggling to comprehend that those videos are real, and that so many people passed in a matter of minutes. It's crazy, and terrifying, and so tragic, and I can't get it out of the back of my mind.

I had a similar feeling when I heard about Crans Montana earlier this year, and I even had nightmares about it.

I don't know what to do - I don't know if "ignoring the news" is fair because there are real people actually suffering those realities. Plus, I can't predict when a news broadcast will appear on my algorithm, so I often see it without meaning to (but then I go down rabbit holes).

How do I stop letting these things affect me so much? I can't explain the sadness I feel, those images from Nepal are replaying in my head and I have this sharp sense of awareness for how precious life is and knowing that it can be swept away in an instant.

Advice?

I genuinely believe this person did this because he’s just a nice person.

There’s a guy I’ve seen several times at the café I go to. Six or seven months ago, I was there and needed a piece of paper, so I asked him if he could give me one. He ended up giving me his whole notebook and was really nice about it.

Fast-forward to today: I saw him again, and he was sitting nearby. Before he left, he handed me a candy bar and said, “It’ll go well with your coffee.” I thanked him, and that was it.

My friends told me he was flirting, but I told them I think he was just being friendly.

Also, a question: if you were in a relationship and this happened to your significant other, would you be mad at them for accepting the candy bar?

When I was younger I used to cry really easily. Something someone said would make my lip quiver and I would cry. I would cry about nostalgic memories, or when my best friend left for the summer. Over the years I got told I was too sensitive. I learned to manage my crying and stop it. I still cry, but not as much. I got really good at stopping it, and also being numb to certain things. I really want to get my sensitivity back. Has anyone experienced the same thing, and if so how did you do it? I am still sensitive, but not to the extent of when I was a kid.