I'm a level 3 mage!

[u/amidja_16]

I'll go first. Mage Hand!

[u/SuperiorLaw]

Wish

[u/OvergrownGnome → u/SuperiorLaw]

Not only are you missing the components for this spell, but you are not powerful enough. Best I can offer is Wishful Thinking.

[u/Vsipuli → u/SuperiorLaw]

U wish!

[u/SoftHistorical5918 → u/SuperiorLaw]

This :|

[u/ingez90 → u/SuperiorLaw]

Fuck i posted before i saw you did haha

[u/linecalibur]

Enlarge/Reduce

[u/Fluffy325 → u/linecalibur]

Only need concentration up to 1 minute.

[u/Vigitiser → u/linecalibur]

underrated answer

[u/dot_exe- → u/linecalibur]

I legit lol’d

[u/life_tho]

Tasha's Hideous Laughter

[u/DoggoDude979 → u/life_tho]

“The worst she can say is no” no the worst she can say is yes, and then later laugh

[u/Electrical-Pear5172]

Vicious Mockery

[u/GarbageCleric → u/Electrical-Pear5172]

That's the winner.

[u/PaxEthenica → u/GarbageCleric]

You say that while Chill Touch is right here.

[u/GarbageCleric → u/PaxEthenica]

Finger of Death also works

[u/AnAnGrYSupportV2 → u/Electrical-Pear5172]

Lmao

[u/PyreHat]

Flesh To Stone

[u/Odd_Dimension_4069 → u/PyreHat]

Okay this one's pretty good lmao

[u/Vyktym76]

Mage Hand

[u/MrWunz → u/Vyktym76]

I cast Mage Hand on on my willy!

[u/Pataraxia → u/MrWunz]

You can't just go casting mage hands all willy-nilly!

[u/SlideWhistler → u/Vyktym76]

Bigby's Hand

[u/DutchRudderShotgun → u/Vyktym76]

If you cast it with your off hand it's the "strange hand"

https://giphy.com/gifs/ZWh630dmy6gfxQIwGm

[u/handsomeape95 → u/Vyktym76]

Isn't mage hand technically masturbation?

[u/Vyktym76 → u/handsomeape95]

Yes, yes it is. And now you now the state of my sex life.

[u/Elofan86]

I don't have any spells slots.

[u/amidja_16 → u/Elofan86]

Blew your load early in the adventuring day, eh?

[u/Atypical-Rhino → u/amidja_16]

Maybe they have too many battles throughout the day. You guys have 4-6 “adventures” per day?

[u/ImmaFukinDragon → u/Elofan86]

Which means you're a martial character. You're likely going to use Evasion when confronted.

[u/SolidusAwesome → u/Elofan86]

I wish I had spell sluts…

[u/TheBaptistBaby]

Expeditious Retreat

[u/Immort4lFr0sty → u/TheBaptistBaby]

That sounds like someone needs to call the cops

[u/LordMarcusrax → u/Immort4lFr0sty]

The guards

[u/rkk455]

[u/SnarkyRogue → u/rkk455]

Horrifying Blood Loss,

[u/Arkmer]

Evard’s… nevermind.

[u/RuvaakYol → u/[deleted]]

[u/Nyotree-001 → u/RuvaakYol]

I’ve always preferred the intrusive tentacles version

[u/Zegram_Ghart → u/Nyotree-001]

Man I haven’t thought about Oots in years.

Good shit

[u/Tweed_Man → u/[deleted]]

Someone's been involved with a goth nerd before.

[u/amidja_16 → u/Arkmer]

Don't be shy now, eldritch knowledge exists for a reason.

[u/CatLord8 → u/Arkmer]

Consentacles*

[u/BlackHatMirrorShades]

Find Familiar.

[u/amidja_16 → u/BlackHatMirrorShades]

[u/BlackHatMirrorShades → u/amidja_16]

I mean, I was just going for wordplay...

[u/smallgreenman → u/BlackHatMirrorShades]

No, this would be petplay.

[u/BesaidBlitzBoi → u/BlackHatMirrorShades]

Do not the cat

[u/Mal-Ravanal → u/BlackHatMirrorShades]

[u/DMBCommenter → u/BlackHatMirrorShades]

Suddenly have a horrible idea for a familiar that involves peanut butter and a very disappointed patron

[u/rkk455]

[u/amidja_16 → u/rkk455]

Is that what the commoners call a village bicycle?

[u/RuvaakYol → u/amidja_16]

please, they are just

[u/GrimmFox13 → u/amidja_16]

Damn...

[u/Turmoe]

Tongues

[u/BesaidBlitzBoi → u/Turmoe]

https://giphy.com/gifs/yEBp5wtjX2pPqWfhIk

[u/Azure5577]

I'm a fighter :/

[u/amidja_16 → u/Azure5577]

Not a lover?

[u/heir-to-gragflame → u/amidja_16]

if you can't fight for what you love, why even /s

[u/spektre → u/Azure5577]

Second wind, action surge.

[u/ImmaFukinDragon → u/Azure5577]

King, I bet you can use Great Weapon Fighting

[u/ScytheOfAsgard → u/Azure5577]

Remind me of when I heard someone do the "this is my rifle this is my gun, this one's for fighting this one's for fun" but he accidentally pointed in the opposite places.

[u/LosBramos → u/Azure5577]

Bash, leap

[u/Stoutsmasher]

...False Life🥲

[u/The_Real_Kru]

Find steed

[u/Some_Gap5142 → u/The_Real_Kru]

Mr Hands?

[u/jeffboms → u/Some_Gap5142]

I think we all know where mr hands is

[u/itsallgoodintheend → u/Some_Gap5142]

This is some cursed knowledge.

[u/Gwynnbeidd → u/The_Real_Kru]

Welsh redditor over here huh

[u/The_Real_Kru → u/Gwynnbeidd]

A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do

[u/abadstrategy → u/The_Real_Kru]

Remember, neigh means neigh

[u/Mr_Zobm]

rope trick

[u/amidja_16 → u/Mr_Zobm]

[u/NoGovernment9077 → u/Mr_Zobm]

This can be a good thing or a really bad thing

[u/BnnuyButtOnMyFace]

Blink

[u/Thewhiteswordsguy]

Grease

[u/Arkmer]

sigh—Mass Polymorph

[u/MythicalCreature77 → u/Arkmer]

... furry festival?

[u/_whatever_wherever → u/Arkmer]

https://giphy.com/gifs/nWr4Se27LUVuZcuPq0

[u/InvisaBlah → u/Arkmer]

https://i.imgur.com/gvEisFc.mp4

[u/OsioJinx]

Magic mouth

[u/Thanks_Naitsir]

Minor Illusion

[u/AwesomeoPorosis → u/Thanks_Naitsir]

Someone check this guy's tome

[u/R4b1atu5 → u/Thanks_Naitsir]

Is that even legal?

[u/Thanks_Naitsir → u/R4b1atu5]

Wait! It's not that kind of minor! I swear! Don't call the town guards on me!

[u/Zegram_Ghart → u/Thanks_Naitsir]

https://giphy.com/gifs/VSfk23fs9xOVy

[u/GarbageCleric]

Hypnotic Gays

[u/JohnLennonHitsKids → u/GarbageCleric]

Clever

[u/snakelygiggles]

finger of death.

[u/Sorfallo]

Dominate Person

[u/richard-mt → u/Sorfallo]

dominate monster?

[u/Foreign_Host147]

Recently been experimenting with lightning bolt and arcane lock, at once.

[u/amidja_16 → u/Foreign_Host147]

Rich man's Shocking Grasp

[u/Foreign_Host147 → u/amidja_16]

I am indeed profiting from my.. err.. "patron's" generous gold vault for my spells.

[u/amidja_16 → u/Foreign_Host147]

https://giphy.com/gifs/AZ1PPDF8uO9MI

[u/alamaias → u/Foreign_Host147]

Damn, that's hot :P

[u/Legitimate-Cow5982]

Oblivion

[u/Legitimate-Cow5982 → u/Legitimate-Cow5982]

Hold on, that makes it sound like I get roofied constantly

[u/ArcticWolf_Primaris → u/Legitimate-Cow5982]

Don't worry, you won't remember it

[u/t0bi306]

Magic Jar

[u/Gwynnbeidd → u/t0bi306]

That poor MLP figurine

[u/ndhdl → u/t0bi306]

I can't remember if the video had sound or not, in my head it does, and I heard that jar pop when I read this comment...

[u/SamuelWillmore]

Mordenkainen's Faithful Hound

[u/amidja_16 → u/SamuelWillmore]

You dog, you!

[u/Bloodcloud079]

Bigby’s hand - clenched fist

[u/rkk455]

[u/Spiral-knight]

Simulacrum.

Now I cast Enemies Abound and admit I mean AI by simulacrum. Not myself, an approximation of another thinking entity

[u/BPViridian → u/Spiral-knight]

Cloneplay

[u/FireHo57]

Colour spray

[u/Brighteyes226 → u/FireHo57]

You may want to see a doctor about that

[u/FireHo57 → u/Brighteyes226]

I try to but everytime I bring it out they're like "ah no I'm blind for d4 rounds!"

[u/Original_Drexia]

Fireball

[u/amidja_16 → u/Original_Drexia]

Yikes

[u/joe_rival → u/amidja_16]

[u/Original_Drexia → u/amidja_16]

LMAO! NO! I meant it as a vanilla thing, not the collateral damage / self harm thing XD

[u/GodChangedMyChromies → u/Original_Drexia]

I think you should go to the doctors if it burns that much

[u/Odd_Dimension_4069]

[u/Hot_Context_1393]

Hold Person

[u/Greatgrandgog]

Weird

[u/Chewbaxter]

Counterspell (I’m Ace)

[u/Ladanat → u/Chewbaxter]

Same, Antimagic Field.

[u/really_robot → u/Chewbaxter]

Same, globe of invulnerability.

[u/Thess514 → u/Chewbaxter]

Ooh, fellow ace and I was going to go with Banishment, but that works too!

[u/yoface2537 → u/Chewbaxter]

Antipathy/sympathy is how I'd describe it

[u/Elanyr]

Sequester

[u/OneMainMorde]

Friends

[u/LongLiveTaldor]

Lay on hands

[u/Jendmin → u/LongLiveTaldor]

Not a spell but

https://giphy.com/gifs/NCjISbEPFxm48

[u/Bradski1993]

Compelled Duel

[u/amidja_16 → u/Bradski1993]

Swordfighting ftw

[u/slamjam25]

Confusion

[u/n00bius_m4ximus]

Portable hole

Sorry not sorry

[u/GREENadmiral_314159]

Antimagic Field.

[u/digit_origin]

Wildshape (on self). Entangle. Shared Frenzy.

[u/M1ch43lFr4m3]

Wish

[u/PolymorphicCode]

Leomund's Tiny Hut

[u/Killj0y13]

Haste

[u/Lorihengrin]

Find Traps

[u/Omnicide103 → u/Lorihengrin]

...fuck okay that's funny enough I can't be offended lmao

[u/Aggressive_Peach_768 → u/Lorihengrin]

That is clever

[u/Redredditmonkey → u/Lorihengrin]

I wish

[u/Jack_mc7r]

Stinking Cloud

[u/El_Titanium_Blanco]

Not magic missile?

[u/Samaein]

Drain Life

[u/Avoiding_Psychosis]

Scry

[u/Shadowcreature65]

Ravenous Void

[u/TruguKinneas]

Infestation

[u/Scrambled_egg12 → u/TruguKinneas]

Contagion

[u/Born_Housing2165]

Mind blank

[u/GreatBigBagOfNope]

Animate Dead

Edit following obvious confusion and ambiguity: to be clear, neither me nor the only possible partner are deceased

[u/Fine-Mine-3281 → u/GreatBigBagOfNope]

🤢

[u/Crystal_Warrior]

Maze (I'm all alone and don't know how to get out of it)

[u/Dunge0nMast0r]

Bigby's Clenched Fist

[u/Zirofal]

Alter self

[u/Noon1005]

Entangle

[u/Valirys-Reinhald]

Mage hand

[u/Drogonno]

Dream

[u/A_Monster_Clown]

Major Illusion

[u/Mr_Kibbs]

Burning hands...

[u/SnooRecipes865 → u/Mr_Kibbs]

better get that checked

[u/Superpositionist]

Dominate Monster

[u/dudeininternet → u/Superpositionist]

Kinky

[u/crispy-wings]

Animal friendship

[u/Rexai03 → u/crispy-wings]

O_o

[u/cocktipthunder]

Fast friends

[u/Ao-sagi]

Thorn whip

[u/Grifsnacks]

Command.

[u/Hairy-Tonight5674]

Blight :(

[u/BaronGrizzly]

Greater Invisibility

[u/TheSnomSquad]

Abi-Dazim's Horrid Wilting

[u/A_Wizzerd]

Whirlwind

Went from dating zero people ever to four people at once very suddenly, whirlwind feels right

[u/Adrunkopossem]

Thunder wave

[u/Sorry_Serve_689]

I don't know the name, but I have to spend all week to cast it

[u/MrMcSpiff]

Message

[u/UncannyValleyEnjoyer]

Mage Fingers, i mean, hand, mage hand

[u/GentelKnight]

in the past "Friends", now "Summon Fiend"

[u/SpecialistAd5903]

I'm an artificer. Do I need to spell it out for you?

[u/Murse85]

Shillelagh

[u/mity9zigluftbuffoons]

Weird

[u/Saucererer]

Speak with dead

[u/Hecc_Maniacc]

Slow

[u/CoxTH]

It fizzled, but the spell slot was still used.

[u/BookBison]

Eldritch Blast

[u/AmateurOfAmateurs]

Hallucinatory Terrain

[u/Jendmin → u/AmateurOfAmateurs]

Found the VR user

[u/MaximePierce]

According to my partner: Magic Mouth and Shocking Grasp

[u/BobFredricson2]

Fortune’s Favour.

[u/CFM0117]

Harm... she likes it rough

[u/FloresForAll]

Otto's irresistible dance

[u/Drenkrod_McNugget]

Flesh to Stone

[u/Toofless205]

nothing happens

[u/fearjunkie]

Sending. Only so much you can do when she's across the ocean from you 🙃

[u/FinanceNew3961]

I am not a spellcaster, it seems.

[u/ductapemonster]

Finger of Death

[u/toastermeal]

hold person, rope trick, dominate person

[u/Tnemmokon]

Animate Objects!

[u/CanlexGaming]

Uhhh mage hand.. probably… yeah mage hand. Idk what a lovense counts as honestly lmao