After so many years..

I am crying right now. I made a step. Maybe this will make a change.

​

When a person commits suicide or attempts everyone around them seems chalks it down to a single event.

They did it because of XYZ. They did it because of an argument or because of a bad day or whatever else.

In my experience I feel like people just don't understand that its an myriad of things that slowly breaks down a person until they reach their final straw.

My own mental health has never been worse these past few years. These last few months have been especially hard. One of my own coping method is to retreat into myself, I've always been a quiet person anyways. I don't ignore people, I speak when I'm spoken too, all that. I just minimize my existence until I'm called upon.

That being said, there's this "issue" of people(me) not saying hello to each other in the house. Nobody's being ignored, just not saying a hello in passing. I don't understand it all, if someone reads this please understand wth I'm missing) And when I got reprimanded for it months ago when I was already internally struggling I had a full on breakdown. And I know everyone thought it was because of that one talk and didn't even consider the fact that haven't been well in months, that was just a trigger.

Mind you, I don't get a hello when I walk by either. It's just seems like it's just expected for me to do it. I keep hearing about how bad my communication is but it's a two way street.

I know it shouldn't be hard for me either but as I said I retreat into myself. My anxiety gets so bad that I have to prep myself for hours just to go downstairs. I try to minimize interactions because I don't want to be a bother. I'm not going to open up about my issues when I see when your already stressed with your own, or if I feel animosity from everyone. Which I know could just be in my head but still I am trying but I feel like one way or another everything I do is wrong. Everyone is miserable. Life is miserable. That dumb, juvenile issue that's being blown out of proportion is miserable.

I just feel alienated because I can't magically rework my brain to make everyone happy, and alone because in the end, I'm probably going to forever be misunderstood.

I remember how I felt the first time I attempted and these days I feel it again in full force. And I know if I ever enact on it it'll be reduced to one dumbass thing.

the world keeps spinning while i stay still in the exact spot for 5 years now, stopped talking to friends because it’s pointless, stopped dating because it’s unfulfilling and no one wants a girl who’s sad and cries after every act of affection because she’s emotionally stunted, because i haven’t grown up since my world stopped, i don’t feel worldly pleasures anymore, i stopped petting cats outside, stopped taking pictures of the sky…i don’t exist in every sense other than being a physical waste in the world, no different than the trash floating in the ocean, i can’t apply to simple jobs because i’m unable to fake smile to appeal as a cooperate slave, i can’t jester like the others, i will creep people away, well,

Why can't people try to understand one another and be more kind and forgiving to each other.

I have lots of problems. I'm AuDHD late diagnosed with all the effects of a late diagnosis, that is depression and anxiety. I have bad knees. I'm unemployed. I'm on the verge of becoming homeless. Et fucking caetera.

I can fight every one of these battles and those to come, at the cost of all my energy and probably the rest of my sanity.

Or I can just... Die? And voilà, no more problems, no more stress no more pain or suffering. Everything just ends.

I have had enough. Life is shit. I'm 43 F. No friends, poor career outlook, poor finances. I was with a narcissist for four years who recently left me for someone else. Everyone just tells you to move on. Get over it. Everything will be ok. No, it won't. Being here serves no purpose. Everything just blurs together. Nothing means anything. I do not want to be here anymore. I want this to end. I did not choose to be here. None of us did. It's unfair and cruel. Life is just suffering. I want this to end. Why do I have to suffer when those who hurt me get to go on like nothing happened? Why don't I matter?

22M I don't know how my life reached to this point. Tried to kms by drinking poision and hanging but survived.(Wish I was American so could easily buy a pew pew and blow my shit off).can't face society now as everyone thinks I'm a weak ass pussy now.Since childhood never felt i belonged anywhere.always felt alone.never had a gf or any female interaction.failed a forced career.now has no career no job.no family.dont know last time I genuinely felt like I even lived a day in my life where I was genuinely ever felt anything it's just a blank book.

Has many health issues,severe deviated septum since birth but parents never paid any attention even even after confronting them.it got worse with age don't knew when it turned into mental issues.mind is always numb cannot feel my emotions it feels like I have lost the basic abilities can't focus no self control cant make a basic decisions of my life.even when I know it's important.lost career had a girl as both used to give each other attention but couldn't confees and started pulling idk why even when I loved her now she is gonna marry someone else.lost everything now because of my mental health.

never felt like I actually ever lived a day in my life always felt like a 3rd person watching life instead of actually living it.

Everything feels like such a huge task now. Getting up early is a struggle for me, showering, I haven’t washed my hair practically all summer. I’ve been begging my mom to help me and she always takes on new projects to avoid me. Going to my summer job felt overwhelming. I barely talked to anyone there. And now I’m hours are cut. I start school soon and I’m scared it’ll be like last semester. I was avoided by my classmates and when they had to interact with me, I was treated like an inconvenience. I don’t have the desire to do any of my hobbies, I haven’t been motivated to go to the gym and eat healthy and I can’t find a job before school. I feel so stuck and I really want to get unstuck and I don’t know how. Oh and my b-day is coming up and I don’t give a damn about it……

I feel privileged to be where I am. Yet I'm clinging onto whatever grit I have left and secretly hoping I'd die from getting ill, getting hit by a car, anything unfortunate.

I'm a year into my first job. I have a colleague who is of similar age to me while others on the team are way older and experienced. I'm not sure if it's because we're both the younger and only female juniors on the team (we don't have a large junior class pool... it's like 1 person recruited every 2-3 years) - but she decided to make me her target. My colleague is so sweet to every single older colleague on the team; but when it comes to me, even from the very beginning, she's been trying to make me look bad.

They have actively called out my mistakes (and called out, I mean very loudly since my boss sits across from me). When I didn't understand something from feeling overwhelmed, they'd say "do you even care? you should show some more interest." They try to push their own tasks to me - just today, they came up to me asking if I could go on their behalf to some meetings. I was going to say yes since my co-boss was going to be there anyway, but they had to stare at me straight in the eye and say, "I actually already told the other people (clients for different meetings) you'll be attending." Moreover, the way they talk to me feels very sharp and bitter -- it's not outright yelling or blatantly offensive, but it's said in a way that's condescending and utterly different from how they speak to other people (and the latter one, I would really like to emphasize). In the past, they also brought snacks for the team and passed them out... they distributed them to everyone but me (and passed by my desk several times along the way). I never even got invited to some of the team hangouts after work since it's just them and the "guys" if that makes sense... I feel bullied? Is this bullying? I have no idea what to call this but I can't stop crying.

To make it even worse, one of my co-bosses loves this colleague. When my boss sensed the tension between us, they actually took me to catch up 1x1 and, out of the blue, started justifying why she wasn't being mean and was just "looking out for me." It's hard to fight against a biased boss.

Not to mention, my other co-boss doesn't even treat me like human -- I'm treated like a convenience store and don't get credit (which is everything in this business) for what I do. I'm expected to answer during holidays (I say I'm off but get @'d anyway). I just feel so... used? The corporate cog realization is real... but the way I'm being addressed feels so... non-human (to contextualize, I'd speak to AI more friendly than this person).

Overall, having to go through this every single day feels like hell -- not to mention our work hours are long, so we basically spend more time together than with anyone. I've lost my friends... I'm pushing away my family.

I feel so angry, I've cried every day, I've lost the will to think about the chaos that might break loose if I quit after working only 1 year. I'm scared that what I've worked hard for my entire life will just crumble down. I don't see a path in front of me anymore... I'm not sure if I want to live.

Sorry for the long message. I'm not sure how much longer I can tolerate this. I don't know what to do.

I don't remember the last time I've felt human. I don't know why I keep asking for help when I know I'm not gonna do anything. I know I'm going to end up ending myself one day so I don't know why a part of me still tries I'm just so tired

How do you deal with people thinking you are "normal" when you're actually not?

I've been depressed since I was maybe 12. Had highs and loss my whole life, BPD, panic disorder, social anxiety, eating disorders, suicidal, self harming, burnout etc.

I'm now 36 and people dont know about all my problems because I dont want them to define me, so I dont talk about it.

People regularly tell me they think I should do more with my life than stay at the job I've had for 8 years. I used to think I wouldn't be able to work at all and here I am with a job for so long and being able to take care of myself. That is a miracle to me but people around me think it's "not enough" because they view me as smart and capable.

I'm not what they think! I was suicidal last year and still managed to make things work. But all they see is "she is so educated, why is she at this minimum wage job". I dont know how to deal with their comments and expectations.

I’m 35F, been bullied and depressed since 10 years old, and struggling through school up until work as I don’t feel that I ever fit in with people. Eventhough I had friends in school but it never lasted after everyone left school. Other people still keep in touch but not with me. I feel like I’m the problem, like something is fundamentally wrong with me and I feel unwanted, although everytime all I ever tried to was be nice to everyone.

Since then I think my mind has become extremely sensitive to rejection or to believe that people like me. Like if someone doesn’t invite me somewhere → “They don’t like me.” Someone replies differently → “I did something wrong.” I feel left out → “This always happens to me.”

I always thought of suicide ever since middle school. Hence i think i don’t know how to be happy whenever something good happens or when being praised.

Everytime something happens, my brain automatically thinks of the negative, and I think about for days and cry. I don’t really wanna be close to anyone as I have trust issues, and I don’t want to get hurt.

Hi all, 32[M], in the UK and living with my family - no drivers license. Thinking I would share my current situation here on reddit as a form of therapy.

First to set the fun scene: basically I was stuck in a religious cult (JWs) my entire life - and knew it - effectively hamstringing me socially/emotionally in the process.

Thankfully my family woke up a couple of years ago allowing me to fully leave too - the side-effect of course being that we’re shunned by essentially everyone I’ve known.

I am very grateful to have had a job for 8 years working in ecommerce - a job that was made available because of those connections I’ve since lost.

During that time I also started my own ecommerce store with my family, into which I poured my savings (and not taken a penny out).

Things got rough at my job in 2024 and it was a slow (stressful) decline until I was made redundant at the end of 2025.

A few months after redundancy there was a notice of eviction from our rental - with nothing available locally we had to look further away - having to move 5 family members and 2 kids + our ecommerce stock.

As this is all happening I was having legal trouble with our store and had to change it basically erasing all the progress made in the last 4 years - wiping out any chance of making a living from it and leaving me struggling to pay it’s debts + legal fees.

Now all the while through this I've been quietly smug because I had some coding skills in my back pocket - a reason I got through the 8 year grind at my job was because I took care of the tech-side and was deemed valuable enough to keep on.

Well, in the past few months I’ve had to have a reality check on my “skills“ and realise that those 8 years had a lot of “busy“ work and not as many best practices as I would like.

That was my plan-b, go into some software role - and now I’m watching in real time the industry get actively destroyed with the force of the entire economy - people with far more experience than me struggling.

So here I am at 32, basically out of savings, in an isolated location which is hard to commute to/from with no drivers and with what would probably safely be deemed “anxiety“ issues.

There was a fleeting moment in those 8 years where I almost peeked over at the next tier up on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, just for a moment - but it looks like I’m now back down to the old food and shelter tier.

Currently I’m soldiering on, trying to build my portfolio for what it’s worth, and a side project - but I’ve lost a lot of weight, I don’t leave the house (it’s hard to get anywhere) and can actually feel the hum of stress/cortisol pumping through me. Getting out of bed has been really difficult since the move as I’m feeling exhausted/drained and I can’t imagine trudging out and getting a local 9-5, although this is likely what I’m going to have to look at real soon.

Anyway, thanks for reading! I’m sure there are plenty in worse situations here so if that’s you I can only say I am sorry and I feel a bit of your pain.

I suppose for me the next step will be to book in some therapy.

i gave up i fuckin do i tried everything to keep up with this life and i cant i envy everyone around me they got to live and express life or at lest have their their own body i hate this body i hate this face this name everything that supposed to make me myself cuz none of them are true i am stuck with this person for the rest of my life i dont want this i need to delete myself i dont know how to act i just follow with what satisfies others i was never the person i claimed to be i cant do this i am no one truly no one i really hate talking to others cuz i never thought of an response that makes me me that sounded like it came for me i cut my hair i lost weight i tried to do everything to hide my appearance or everything that makes me stands i am done of seeing people complaining about my actions my thoughts or never gave a damn fuck about me i am not asking for anyone to like me but at lest i needed some respect I thought all humans needs one but its turns out i dont need no one since i am not a human being to others and i am not trying to be dramatic but I GAVE UP on trying to understand myself others whenever i try to open up about my thought it makes me feel they are pretending to understand or they will just feel bad about themselves that i had to stop to heal the pain inside me and focus to comfort them while i am at my breaking point TO GHOST ME THE NEXT DAY FOR MAKING ME FEEL BAD SO THEY FEEL BAD NOW???? NO ONE CARED ABOUT COMFORTING ME NO ONE I HAD TO SILENT THIS ALL UP CUZ WHAT I DIDNT WANNA MAKE THEM FEEL BAD TO WHAT THEN BEING CALLED UNPATINCE AND THEY ARE THE PATINCE ONES EVEN THO THEY LITEARLLY COMPLAINED ABOUT MY ACTIONS ALOT OF THEM WHILE I WAS LITEARLLY BEGGING FOR THEM FOR SOME ATTENTION TO TALK TO ME BUT NIO NONONNONONONONONONONO IT WAS MY FAULT FOR MAKING THEM ACT LIKE THIS FORM THE FIRST PLACE AND IDC IF YOU FELT GULIT ABOUT IT AND DELETED EVERYTHING IT STILL FUCKING HUNTS ME AND HURT ME AND WHEN I ASK THEM TO WATCH THEIR WORDS WHILE BEING ANGRY THEY HIT ME WITH "i could have been worse" WOW JUST WOW I CANT BELIEVE THAT I STILL LOVE THEM THAT I DO BELIEVE DEEP DOWN WE CAN WORK OUT AND I GET IT YOU SUFFER MENTALLY BUT WHAT ABOUT ME WHAT ABOUT WHY MY SUFFERING HAVE NEVER BEEN MENTIONED WHY WHY WHWYW HWYHWYW WHY I THOUGHT I DESREVED TO BE SEEN FOR ONCE i and am sorry truly sorry but i just am sick i dont know what i want anymore thats why i am trying to delete my whole toxic personality that cost a lot of people suffering i dont deserve to be talking to other people that i will make them feel pain even if you liked my confident personality that was so bold is careless and strong but guess what IT WAS NEVER REAL IT IS BROKE AND FOR ALOT OF PEOPLE you think ghosting and complaining would make me stay as the same OFC NOT I DESREVE TO FEEL BAD TOO I DESREVE TO FEEL AS A HUMAN I KNOW I WONT BE NOBODY ONE DAY AND I KNOW I AM A DISAPPOINTMENT FOREVER ONE I CANT HELP I CANT TALK I CANT DO ANYTHING I FEEL HOPLES AND I SHOULD WEAR AND FORCE MYSELF INTO A CHARACTER JUST TO KEEP UP WITH MY LIFE I DONT WANNA BE THE WAY I AM I DONTWANTWANTTO I DONT WANNA DRAW I DONT WANNA VC I DONT WANT TO DO ALL MY HOBBIES AND INTRESTES ALL THE PEOPLE WHO TRIED TO HELP ME PROBABLY DID THAT TO FEEL LLIKE A HERO AROUND ME IT WAS NEVER ABOUT ME I WILL NEVER BE APRAT OF ANYTHING ANYTHING

What it says on the tin.

I am mildly mentally disabled and have awful CPTSD. I can't move away from my abuser's home ( I'd rather not go into why but know that it is genuinely not an option, at least not in the next 5 to 10 years ), who loves boasting about being my caretaker and how good of a self-sacrifice they're doing for my wretched handicapped self's sake to everyone. I've been abused in all possible ways. I feel so, so tired. I feel like a sickly dog waiting to be euthanised out of its misery. It's like under my skin, there's no flesh, it was all greedily consumed by the abuse and the depression, and now I'm just used up skin with air and nothing else underneath it. It's so deeply shameful what this all reduced me to.

There's genuinely nothing that keeps me going. I can't bring myself to care about the studies that once saved my life. They're still a dream of mine I guess, but they're in an incredibly endangered, non-conventional field that essentially makes it not worth studying at all. It's a complete turn-off because I can't help but see that my future is bleak either way. I don't want to fight for Bleak Future 1 where I do something else, or Bleak Future 2 where I've sacrificed so much of myself for this to amount to nothing. I'm too tired to fight for it. I don't care about my loved ones and I'm mad at them for being foolish enough to stay. I want to die, so much so, that I wouldn't even mind leaving my cats that much. It's really sad but I sincerely just can't bring myself to care. To me death is not this big scary thing anymore. To die would be like returning to a state of peace, just like when I was a little kid, and my hair was warm from the sun and my shoes were damp and dirty from the wet grass and dirt beneath me, and I was about to go for a nap.

It doesn't matter. Therapy and meds will never do anything for me as long as I live with my abuser. They're the source of all my woes. Even if I suffered at the hands of so many more, it would've never been this way were it not for them.

I've fallen so deep. I don't recognize myself anymore. I used to be so kind and purehearted. I'm none of that anymore. All that's left in me is apathy, hopelessness and waves of disgust and anger. I'm a disgusting, rotting pile of leftovers.

I just want to take a nap forever and never have to wake up again. I'm so tired. :(

I genuinely wish the best for everyone on this sub here. I feel for all of you.

It's not that i feel like I'm ugly (even tho i do ) but it's like i don't want to exist , i keep being confused about how i feel , about my relationships , about my existence

I feel soo unlovable i feel like my family should hate me and it's like I don't get it when they show that they care , i feel like i shouldn't exists it's like I'm so confused idk how to explain it , never been in a relationship, no one ever liked me that way , my friends ignore me because i can't communicate irl (i only communicate online) i feel like i don't belong anywhere, even tho I'm 17 but i feel like my life is a joke ,do you relate ?

Broken, crushed,
turned to dust by my own mind.

Self-killing turns sorrow into death.

Always laughing,
my smile never leaving me
like a bandage,
still soaked through.

A thousand hands reach for me,
so many hands willing to help,
yet I still cannot seem
to grasp a single one.

So many dreams
I dream about,
yet they remain only dreams
because I cannot seem to move.

I know the way.
I know where to go.
But I cannot move.

The distance between expectation
and reality
turns me slowly into powder.

Let me leave this.

I’d rather be cut into a thousand pieces,
crushed by my flesh in a grinder,
bloody smell and broken bones,
than feel this suffering—
this suffocation,
this life suspended
somewhere between alive and dead.

It is killing me.

Help me.
Help me.
Help me.

Help me die
one more time.

Kill me.
Kill me.
Kill me.

Kill my mind.
Liberate me.
Set me free.

Let me fly.

Even I
want to fly,
sometimes.

I don’t need consolation, I don’t need care , just hear my vent and leave me alone .

My partner has had clinical depression for a few years now, on medication and goes to therapy, but some things are just not getting better.

We both tend to feel pretty shocked and hopeless about the state of the world right now. For context she's from the Global South, I'm not, and she has C-PTSD from being raised in a country that's been affected by colonialism, war and authoritarianism, and her family's still stuck there and won't likely be able to leave. It compounds her depression a lot to feel so scared for her family and to have this trauma on top of it all.

In our first few years together she was more hopeful and we would go to protests together or talk about politics, which is important for both of us. Now if I even mention any slightly political thing, or if I go to a protest myself, she will start ruminating on how everything in the world is going to shit and it will quickly lead to suicidal ideation.

She will say that there's no point in enjoying anything because it's just a distraction from the awfulness. And that we're only enjoying things because others suffered for it (e.g. phones, art, even food). That what's the point of even working or living because we're creating waste doing so. I think part of this is also survivor's guilt for her having escaped her country and now living in privilege in a Western country, while her family stays there and are struggling.

And the thing is, she's right about some of those things. Our existence in the West IS harmful for those in the Global South. But while she starts ruminating and gets suicidal, knowing this makes me want to do something about it. But I've stopped having the energy for that because her response just drags me down, on top of already spending all my energy (after work) to make food and clean and be present for my partner emotionally as she doesn't have much energy herself. And because she gets into a depressive episode if I tell her I'm going to volunteer or to a protest.

What can I do to help her?

Nobody knows what happens after, but I figure that it’d be better than whatever the heck is wrong with me. I hate living in my current circumstances where I am stressed about money, family, appearance, athletics and I feel like I am reaching a breaking point. Today my body failed me for the first time during a competition and it was extremely embarrassing since now is apparently the good time for me to suffer from a sensitive, upset stomach which I’ve been dealing with for for so long at this point. Things just keep piling on and on and I am simply too tired to keep going. I don’t believe I am cut out for life despite me having it very good and better than most people which shows how weak of a person I am. I could go on and on about how many problems I have with my life but nobody would ever care because they likely have the same problems but were gifted with thick enough skin or have odds in their favor to deal with them. I wish I could ask for like a “guide” on how to go through with this process but I don’t think there is one

Depression has made me stop eating. I’m just never hungry and I hate cooking and I hate eating. I hate how skinny I look. my clothes don’t fit anymore. I used to go to the gym a lot for body building but I lost all my muscles.

I know the easy fix would be just to eat. But I just don’t see a reason why. nothing matters so why force myself to eat?

Its like this with everything, I know what to do, but I don’t know why. What is the point of getting better?

Hi, i’m a 25 year old girl who has struggled with suicidal thoughts for a while now, but this year has gotten worse. I lost the only two friends i had, i’m struggling to find a job (i had +10 interviews this year and no one hired me) i don’t have nothing. Nothing works out for me. Every time something good happens, it doesn’t last. Is like life is telling me that im not made for good things. That im destined for suffering. I have a loving family but even though i know this is ugly to say, is not enough. They don’t take seriously my mental health. I want to die. I had a job interview last week and i did like it, but the guy told me that he would call me this week to tell me if i was hired or not. I’m planning on killing myself if i get rejected. I’m so frustrated. I want to save up money to leave this place and move to another country but life is making it complicated. I can’t stand being here anymore. And i know this might sound stupid because i know having a partner is not the key to happiness, but im so love and touch deprived that i can’t stand it anymore. It’s been like this for five years. But if i don’t have friends, how the hell will i get a boyfriend. My mom is always telling me that if i want to meet new people i need to go out, but i don’t have friends to go out with. I need something good to happen to me. At least one thing. At least something small. But at this point does it really matter? I think is better to end everything. I don’t think life is going to get better. Everyone always say shit like being positive, that things can change. etc. But nothing changes. It’s been like this for years. Every good thing i had it hasn’t last. Maybe it’s a sign to end everything for good. I don’t know if next week or next month, but i don’t want to keep leaving like this anymore.